A Hiking Tale

 Jason and I have been trying to get out to hike a bit. Ok ok ok, it's been only two times thus far but it still is a start!   The first week was a resounding success!  The second week.......well.....it was not without it's issues! 

The First Hike

Jason and I got out for a hike on Mothers Day. The weather was warm but not unbearably hot.  We decided to head to a section of the Appalachian Trail (AT) in Maryland, just south of the Pennsylvania border.  It was surprisingly a section that I had never been on so it was neat to see.  We only planned to be out for a few hours and knew that we would be doing an out and back hike.   The section we chose was gorgeous, but then that is not too surprising as most of the AT is gorgeous!  There was a steeper section that was a bit rocky, and those large steps are rough on the knees but I wasn't too concerned.   It was a fantastic hike.  We hiked by a shelter, up the rocky incline, through some mud, across an open meadow where their were bulls behind a fence right across the field.  We crossed a road and we walked across planks that transversed a swampy area, we saw chipmunks and even a snake.    And then we turned around and did it all in reverse! 

 It was a great hike.  The only negative was the moment that I stopped to use the bathroom.   Of course we were in the middle of the woods so I had to rough it.  All went well and I went to pull up my pants and I forgot that my cell phone was in my back pants pocket.  ANYONE that has ever put their phone in their pants pocket can already guess what happened.   Yes, the phone went flippity flop out of the slack pants pocket and fell RIGHT into the pee puddle.  Ok, kinda disgusting...but more humorous than anything else! (And yes, I cleaned my phone off good when we got back to civilization.)  

The Second Hike

Riding high on our successful first hike we decided to go hiking the following Sunday.  The weather was even more delightful.   It was even cooler than the previous week, just fabulous.   We decided to hit the AT again.  This time we headed to Caledonia State Park, walk through the park and then hop on the AT.   We geared up and off we went.   We rambled through the park and reached the AT.   Almost immediately we were at a steep (must steeper than the week before) I honestly had a thought of NOT doing it.  I didn't WANT to do it. But I did.   And it was tough on the knees....so tough that I was inwardly panicking about the idea of coming back down.  Ironically coming down is worse on the knees.  But I pushed forward.   After the climb and a bunch of switchbacks we made it to the top of that incline and it leveled of.   I was feeling better but low key worried about the return.   We pushed on and came to  fire road/trail that the AT utilized for a bit.  In short order we were back on the dedicated AT and enjoyed a stream and some fabulous scenery.   We were about an hour and a half into our hike when we got to an AT shelter.  It was the cutest most well kept shelter.  There was potted plants and swing.   Perfection!   A shelter volunteer from the group that maintains the shelter and the surrounding 12 mile stretch was there working.  We stopped to talk to him for a few minutes.   We mentioned that we were about ready to turn back around which would bring our hike to about 3 hours. In no way our longest hike, but nothing shabby in it's own right.   The volunteer started talking about his recommendation for us.  He highly recommended that we continue on the AT for a "short bit" and that will bring us to an intersection to another trail that goes off to the right.  He gave us the name of the trail and told us that it was what we would want to do....a shortcut...at the end of that trail we would turn right and that would put us on the same trail that earlier had shared a short piece with the AT.   At that point we could hop back on the AT for that steep panic inducing (for me) section or according to this volunteer we could continue on and it was a fabulously easy and quick walk back to the park,   I specifically asked about the length of his recommendation since we were already at our turn around point.  He was like the same if not shorter!   And then I asked him about difficulty because I had that steep panic inducing section in my mind and the pain that I knew my knees would feel and I mentioned my arthritis on my knees.   This volunteer pulled his shorts up and showed me his scars on his knees and was like "I know what you are talking about"  and this trail is fabulous...much easier.  Meandering!  So we headed forward on the AT on this guys recommendation.   

 Now let me backtrack to Last October on a hike at Cowans gap where we were told by a park worker that they had updated a trail and it was no longer considered difficult since they put in switchbacks to make it easy!   Ad we lamented the fact that it was not easy.....I had a panic attack on that trail that day!   I should have learned my lesson from that day and not trusted the words of a mere mortal human.  Because I got burned AGAIN.

Going up the AT we had to keep going off trail because it was flooded and a river.  But we trudged on.   Then we started to climb upward.  And upward.  And then for good measure we went up further.  It was about 20 minutes and we started to question if we were ever going to get to this trail we were looking for. Internally I was contemplating turning because we were going further and further north and getting further away from the car with each step.  Finally after about 30 minutes we FINALLY reached the intersection.  We checked the sign and it was definitely the trail we were looking for.   Ahhh we made it.....see, it was all working out!   We turned and set off happily down the trail.   We were going to slay the shortcut.   We eventually started to go back down that mountain that we had just climbed.   It was a bit rocky.  It was a bit technical, but not too bad.  But it was definitely NOT meandering!  We kept going down....and down....and around...then back up a bit...then back down.   Seriously, time was passing and we started to make remarks about how the volunteer had steered us wrong.   Because a quick glance at the clock told us that if we had turned at the shelter that we would be nearing the car but yet we were still trudging down this unknown trail to who knows were.  We were not feeling confident with the directions at this point.   We both agreed that the trail was gorgeous though.  But seriously, we were madder than a mosquito at a mannequin factory!.  If we would have run into that guy we probably would have given him a piece of our minds!  I was seriously low key starting to panic that we would be totally lost and have to retrace our steps and I had serious doubts that I would be able to make it.  (I said that to my brother a few days later and he was like "you would have done it, it's amazing what you can do when death is on the line."  Ha)   But yeah, I was low key panicked about having to turn and waste the hour plus to get back to the shelter and then still have the hike back to the car.  We pushed forward.    And then we came to it.

 What is it?   We came to a stream crossing.  It wasn't our first stream crossing of the day.  (the picture above was one of the earlier water sightings)  The others had been shallow enough to wade through, or had a log to walk across or had strategically placed rock to go rock hopping across.   Normal fare for a hike.  NO problem.  But this stream crossing was different.   First of all we were in dense brush and forest and there was no room to step off the trail.   The forest walls were right up against us so we didn't have many options of where we were going to cross....it was right there or no where.   Still not a problem right?   WRONG.   The water was deep and flowing pretty good.  No assists for crossing.  No logs to inch across.  No stones protruding from the water to hop across.  Nothing but water......water that would be higher than our boots.   We stood there and pondered.  I thought about taking my boots off....but seriously, the rocks were jagged.  Their were holes.  It would have been unsafe without shoes.  That left us two options.  Turn around and retrace our steps or wade through with shoes and HOPE that we could stay on top of the rocks enough to keep the water under the level of our boots.  

Jason went first.......almost immediately his foot slipped into a hole and he wrenched his ankle.  But he didn't go down and made it across.  Then it was my turn.   Yeah, I missed the hole but I was in water up to my knees.   Water was DEFINITELY in my boots.....abut I made it across.  Now I had wet feet and we were still lost.  Jason asked if I wanted to dump the water from my boots....but there really wasn't a place to sit to do it as the trail was narrow and muddy.  I opted to let the water drain naturally.  Good choice because less than 3 minutes we were crossing the same stream....AGAIN.   And yes, again the water was over the tops of my boots.   We criss crossed over one more time on that darn trail!  Eventually we came to the intersection of the trail.  I checked the signs and we were still on the trail that this guy had highly recommended as 'easy' and the trail we dropped onto was the trail he said we would be on.  We headed off down that trail....my feet squishing with every step.  (Thank heavens I was wearing wool socks.....cotton socks would have been more uncomfortable.)   We walked and walked....and forded a few more water crossings.   And then we walked some more.  We were wondering if we were ever going to make it......I knew that we were on a trail that would take us back to the park (We had talked to some people while we were on this trail on the way to the shelter and I had asked what the trail name was and were it went...so I knew that eventually we would make it to the parking lots....but when.)   

 

Finally we came to a road.....with some cars parked on it.   We had a decision...continue on the path for who knows how long......or head down the road.  We finally had good cell coverage..I it appeared that the road took us to the park campground....from there I was pretty sure that we would be able to hop on an easy trail that we had walked during our vacation last October.   We decided to go that route. 

It was during this section of our walk that I had my next disaster.  My inner thighs started hurting.   Like burning and chafing.  But how, I was wearing shorts!  Yeah, my shorts ripped and my skin was rubbing and causing chafing!  OUCH!  

  We finally made it to the campground and I led us to where I thought the trail head that we needed would be.  That is when I realized how nervous Jason had been about our 'detour'.   As soon as we stepped foot on the trail and he saw the surroundings he said "ohhh I'm Ok now, I recognize this from when we walked to Zoey last fall."  

We ended up hiking about 2 hours more than what we planned. My knees actually did well.   My chafing I had been able to to keep under control by constantly adjusting the shorts and bunching them between my thighs (yeah, real pretty like).  My feet were feeling wet but they dried out nicely and felt fine with no blister.   My feet however ached.  I have a problem with my feet that is referred to as The Bone.  The bone was KILLING me that night and the next day.  But I just rested and elevated the feet and by Tuesday they were feeling better.   My legs were still achy a bit from the unexpected workout but by Wednesday I was A-OK the whole way around!   

Jason says we have to outdo ourselves with distance and time this upcoming weekend.   Uhhhhhh really?    Time will tell what happens!   Stay tuned!
 

Inspiration not Aspiration

I had an epiphany the other day.  It came about quite naturally but it really does go hand in hand with the soul searching I have been doing lately and with the lessons that I learned from completing the 75 Hard.   So let me break down the two facets of my epiphany the soul searching and the inspiration and then I will wrap it up into my thoughts going forward. 

The first part of the equation of my epiphany is the thought processes that have been going through my mind in regards to the amazing accomplishment of actually completing the 75 hard and the internal knowledge that the challenge worked for me and that I felt that I needed to find a new challenge  in order to keep my motivation rolling in a positive direction.   I devised a plan to carry my motivation and habits through the month of April, I was going to have 'One Month of Winning."   I was going to slay the month of April.   But life happened and I got sidetracked.  One month of winning was not a win.  It was more a month of recovery and discovery.   Undaunted I decided that May was going to be my A-May-Zing month.   Corny or Catchy, who knows but I was excited to start.   By May 5th the month's plans were no longer a-may-zing.  I had devised my plan for May with room for imperfection.  I was aiming for an 80-20 thing, 80% perfection and the other 20%, well that could be as good as I could make it.   But by May 5th I was operating at pretty much Zero percent perfection.  It was NOT going well.   My cutely (corny) named monthly plans failed me.   It was a challenge but something happened and it just didn't motivate me.  Seriously, I couldn't even make it 5 days in May....yet I made it 75 days for the 75 hard challenge.   This made me think about what really motivates me, what kind of challenge works for me.  I was thinking....pondering.....debating in my head.  I was no closer to an answer when I stumbled upon the other facet that brought about my epiphany. 

Years ago Jason and I watched a documentary.  (How in the world can I remember this...but it was a day or two before Thanksgiving in 2016 and we were in a hotel in Reading, PA.)  The documentary was called "The Barkley Marathon:  The Race that Eats its Young"   What an amazing documentary, seriously if you haven't seen it.....I highly recommend it.   Through the ensuing years I've kept a loose watch on the Barkley Marathon. I've watched a few more documentaries and kept an eye on the results each year.  Apparently I didn't do it in 2024....because 2024 was huge and I didn't learn about it until just this week.  First of all there were 5 finishers!   That in itself is amazing in a race that has been around since 1986 but only has 20 (now) people that have can claim to have finished the race.  But the bigger thing......for the first time EVER a woman  finished the Barkley!  I read the reports and watched new documentaries.  I also looked up the results for 2025, which had no winners.  In fact only one person made it 3/5 of the way through the Barkley in 2025.    This race has been noted to be a race that pushes people past their limits to really see what someone is made of.  The race that truly is ALL about the will of human nature.   

Rediscovering the Barkley Marathon was truly inspirational for me.   While I have absolutely no aspiration to run the Barkley Marathon, it did remind me of how much I used to enjoy running.  It made me think about how running was something that was a challenge for me.  I was always trying to best myself.  Yes, I was in a competition with myself....always looking to be faster, go further...or sometimes just do it because it made me a bad ass!  I didn't have talent and I was never super fast, but I had the will to do it!

So on Tuesday, May 6th I went out and took my first run in about 2 years.  Let me tell you, it was not pretty.  It was not graceful.  It was certainly not fast.  In fact, I restarted a training program where I am doing walk/run intervals and let me tell you, those 60 second run intervals were tough!  But I completed it.

I came home and pulled up the stats from when I did the same program a few years back.   I was comforted to see that my stats were almost exactly the same.....at least I didn't get worse!  But at the same time, I was disgusted to be back at the beginning once again.   I also looked at some of my race reports from about 10 -12 years ago.  You can link to all of those posts here.   I am in inspired.

  I have looked at a few 5K races/runs that are upcoming in my area.   I am actually toying with doing the Donut Alley Rally in Hagerstown which is held on a Friday night in early August.  That gives me 3 months to be in 5K race ready.  (My goal has always been to complete a race and NOT be the last one to cross the finish line.) The main reason I have not pulled the trigger on an entry fee is the fact that I still to not have a job.  I HOPE to have one by then though....and while I hope to be working day shift.....I honestly don't know what my schedule may be and obviously if I get a job a job will come first.  If that doesn't work, I have a few other 5k's on my radar ....one in September, one in October and one in November, so I do have some back ups should I decide to test my mettle with a 5K. 

 I am making no promises about this 'challenge' and quest to get back into running.   I  have made too many claims about this challenge or that challenge.  But I will say this.....  I like running because I am in competition with myself and no one else.  I like running because it is as simple as me completing my training runs and knowing that putting in the time really is all that is needed.  (Well and a good pair of tennis shoes.).  With running I am in control of my progress.    And it's time to take control and get-a-running!

 

 

 

 

 

  

365 Pictures : Days 175-182

 I finished up April Strong with my quest to take at least one picture every day....still a lot of dog pictures, but hey, it's still a picture and it's still my day!  

Day 175 4.23.25

Zoey was enoying some apple slices (with cinnamon). 

Day 176 4.24.25

Jason was on antibiotics that were messing with his stomach, so I ran to the store to pick up some probiotics!

Day 177 4.25.25

Time to share some of my fruit snack with the bird!

Day 178 4.26.25

Little Mertz doesn't get to have her picture taken often!   Today was the day!

Day 179 4.27.25

I swear, this dog is so lazy!

Day 180 4.28.25

Another day of working on the computer while the dog is a lazy bum!

Day 181 4.29.25

Yup, this is what the dog does all day long!  (And yes, she sleeps the night away also!)

Day 182 4.30.25

She wanted to go out so she stood at my side and barked at me until I took her outside.  No, not to potty, she just wanted to go outside to play!

 

A-MAY-Zing May

 Welcome to A-May-Zing May.  Catchy huh?   Ok, I admit, it's a bit corny, but hey, that's just who I am!  But regardless, I am going to try to make May my most amazing month yet!

Before we can get into May though, lets talk a bit about April.   April did not go as I had planned.  I finished off that 75 Hard challenge early in April and I was gung ho!  I was going to carry on with those habits that I had set and I was going to rock out April.   I even called it my 'one month of winning'.  Except that I didn't quite have  month of winning.  My plans got shot to smithereens the moment I got sick.  I should have only lost one week to being sick.  However, I struggled to get my mojo back after being sick.  Exercise at 5AM never recommenced.   Water consumption was slow to pick back up.  Afternoon walks were non existent.  I tracked very little of what I ate.  Naps became a common occurrence and probably the worst thing of all was the addition of TV into my daily routine.  Yes, the person that used to never turn on the tv while home alone now turned (turns) on the tv at any chance! It was a disaster waiting to happen. It wasn't a stellar month in terms of my efforts.

What WAS a success is the fact that I did manage to lose 8 pounds. (Or should I say I managed to maintain 8 of the 12 pounds I lost while I was sick.)   I managed this simply because after I was sick and my involuntary fast of 3-4 days that I was much more in tune with my bodies signals in terms of hunger and fullness.   I started to notice that I wasn't hungry half of the time when I was eating.  I was eating because it was 'lunchtime' or because I was bored.  I also started to notice that I could feel my body telling me that I was getting full and to stop eating.    I have long struggled with these feelings and signals and it was a 'weird' thing for me to experience.   But I really stopped to listen.  I really stopped and tried to heed these signals.  I won't say I was successful all the time, but I can say that I really think I made some positive steps toward being more cognizant.   For that reason alone, I call April a somewhat successful month.  

 

So as April came to a close I started to really think about where I was.  I'm happy with the 8 pounds, but I need to lose a whole lot more than 8 pounds!  I know I can do it and I know that May can be A-May-Zing for me.  But if I want it to be amazing, I need to stop being loosey-goosey with my health practices and get serious.   For a hot fleeting moment I thought about doing another 75 hard.  But before the thought was even fully in my head I knew that this was not the time for that.  Instead I decided to focus on basic principals and to not even focus on them 7 days a week!   I decided to go for the sustainable route for this month.  So here are my plans!

1. Steps.   My goal is 5,000 steps daily.  I have been watching a lot of tv.  You don't get steps when you watch TV, so my step count has been somewhat lower in April.  It's time to work on it.   Sure I WANTED to say I would do 10K  but I am going for sustainable so for now it is 5K steps for six days of the week.  Yes, I am giving myself a pass one day of the week.  It's the first of the month as I write this, of course I am in the back of my head thinking "I really want to do it each day, but I also know that the moment I miss a day I will give up because all will be lost.  It's an all or nothing mentality.  SO 6 days a week....just 5K steps.  That's it!

2. Water.  Of course water is going to be part of this challenge. The goal, 64 ounces a day.....or should I say 64 ounces of water 6 days of the week.   If it's 7, awesome.  If it's 6 that is still a great, and still puts me right there at the 80% perfect mark.

3.  Calories.  I need to start tracking  my calories.  I am aiming for 1400-1500 calories daily.....or should I say 6 days a week. :-)

4.  I am going to be doing some intermittent fasting during the month.  5 days a week I want to do a 16:8 fast.   I will be fasting from dinner until lunch the next day......at least 5 days a week.  

 So you can see, there isn't anything  earth shattering about my plans.  If I feel motivated, I can definitely add some formal exercise. But if I get my steps from working outside that's still good.   If I want, I can do more steps.  I can even eat lower calories or drink more water.  But if I follow my plan, I will have taken some great strides toward being healthy.

365 PIctures Day 163 to 174

Wow, my pictures were all pretty much centered around the dog in this installment.  However, I am not surprised, I have had a very lazy April!

 

Day 163  4.10.2025 

I couldn't help but take a picture of the dog as she laid stretched out on the couch.  I was sitting across the room working on my laptop and well......she is just too cute!

Day 164  4.11.2025

This dog.....what can I say, this must be her favorite position to sleep in!  And yes, she lets all her privates hang out for the world to see!

Day 165  4.12.2025

 I finally felt well enough to actually get completely dressed and leave the house! Admittedly, it felt good to have the sun on my face!

Day 166  4.13.2025

 I have been desperately needing a pair of tennis shoes so we went shopping!  I found some at one of the shoe places at the mall.  Jason couldn't help trying on a pair of shoes (they were sparkly and we were laughing because they were TOTALLY not him....but it made us giggle!)

Day 167  4.14.2025

 This dog is a hambone!  She always has to be the center of attention!

Day 168  4.15.2025

 Nothing like a slobbery dog tongue and face coming at you!

Day 169  4.16.2025

How do you expect me to work on my computer when this is what is staring me in the eye?

Day 170 4.17.2025

She loves when I sit on the chair right beside the couch because she can put her nose on my chair and into my space....because she certainly has no clue about personal space!

Day 171 4.18.2025

A wee little walk outside!

Day 172 4.19.2025

I had to go to the banks while Jason was working....I didn't want to go alone so I took my trusty pal Zoey!

 

Day 173 4.20.2025

I swear my blanket fell off my lap and was on the floor for less than a minute before this dog came charging over and commandeered them for her own use.

Day 174 4.21.2025

When it is just about the time for Jason to come home from work, this dog goes out and lays in the yard staring at the driveway waiting for her 'daddy'.

Day 175 4.22.2025

Mom's house is on the market.  We have finished the seemingly never ending process of emptying the house of it's contents, we have finished painting, putting new carpet and cleaning and it is for sale.  It is bittersweet.

 

High to Low

I was sure that April was going to be a good month for me.  There was no way it wouldn't be a good month.  I finished up the 75 hard strong within the first days of the month I had a plan for April and I had great habits set to have an amazing month.  

And then things went south.  I ended up getting a bad stomach bug.  It pretty much knocked me flat for about a week.  That week was enough to cause a major upheaval in those wonderful habits that I had set up for myself.

What habits were in place that I have totally forsaken?   Water is one of them.   I was in the habit of drinking a fair amount of water.  It wasn't always easy, but I did it..   After I was sick I was lucky to get 8-10 ounces.  I just wasn't thinking about it and well it just didn't happen.  Another habit was the exercise.   I had been exercising religiously in the morning at 5AM.  I haven't done it once since being sick.  Outdoor walks, you know when I typically end up walking in a graveyard?   Yeah, that hasn't happened either....not once!    

 

Furthermore, I picked up some bad habits!    The worst two days of being sick I was so sick that I didn't read or even watch tv.  But after I started to feel a bit better I turned on the tv.   I NEVER turn on the tv during the day.  But I did because I was sick.....and the TV has been on almost every day since then.  The second bad habit?   Naps.  I take a LOT of naps!   SERIOUS naps too. Not just 15-20 minutes.  NO I am sleeping 3-4 hours.  (And don't worry, I still sleep at night).

 So things were not going well.  And then something else happened.   I started to get mad amounts of rejection letters to the job applications that I have out.  Seriously, an undue amount of rejections.   Couple that with the definitive lack of interest in my application and my already tenuous grip on my emotional well being crumbled.  I stopped doing pretty much anything.  I would still look for a job and submitted quite a few applications.  But other than that, I did nothing.   

It was a bad combination.....good habits broken...bad habits started and a small touch of depression (pity party if you want to call it that.)

Midway through last week I promised myself that after my time job hunting (which I typically do during my first part of the day) that I was going to get stuff done.   But I kept falling asleep and not getting anything done.  I am telling you, I was on a really slippy slope!   But, I am proud to  say that I have been turning it around this week.  I have scoured my floors.  I've weeded outside, I've hand washed a quilt.  I have been knocking things off my to do list......and I haven't taken any naps.   (Weirdly enough, I sleep more poorly at night without the naps than I was with the naps....go figure.)    

It feels good to get some things done around the house for sure.  I have been working on my water consumption and while I may not be exactly where I need/want to be, I have made headway in getting more water.   The other things.......they are coming!

 

365 Pictures Days 152 to 162

 Now that summer is here I can hopefully really start to play around more with photography.   Winters are just so.......dark.  Indoor....depressing!

 

Day 152   3.30.25

It was bath day for Zoey!  She was really starting to smell quite 'doggy'.  We think she knew it because when we got to Tractor Supply where we bathe her she was SO excited and she literally jumped into the tub and waited for us.  She smells so clean now!

Day 153   3.31.25

Mertz loves her time with me in the office.  I still go into the office most days and look for jobs and whatnot.   She always comes to visit me on my desk!

Day 154   4.1.25

Another walk outside!   The trees in the graveyard where I most typically walk are full of gorgeous flowers!

Day 155   4.2.25

    I couldn't resist a picture to send to Jason to show the 'fluffy things' at Michael's Craft store.   I was going to put them in my hair but people were watching so I decided to behave....a bit!

 

Day 156   4.3.25

    It seemed like a good day for some caramel corn....which is something Jason loves!

Day 157   4.4.25

            Mertz is so afraid of the dog that she stays out of the living room during the day.  I have decided to carry her out and sit with her on my chair and try to help her gain some confidence.   The dog gets so excited.  They were face to face.  Mertz wasn't happy, but she did well!

Day 158   4.5.25

    Every once in a while I like to take a picture of the dog sitting next to Jason on the floor.  It highlights how much she has grown.

Day 159   4.6.25

    And another cat meets dog under high levels of supervision.  Poor Mertz.  And honestly poor Zoey.  Zoey just wants to play with the little kitty cat so badly!
 

Day 160  4.7.25

    Not a great picture at all......but the best I could do.  I was so sick!  I laid on that couch for 36 hours and only moved to make frequent trips to the bathroom.   I couldn't do anything.  I didn't read.  I didn't watch TV.  I didn't scroll on my phone.  I did nothing!  It was a chore to even pick up my phone, but Jason was at work and kept checking on me so I responded to his texts.....and when he asked how the dog was doing I turned the phone around and snapped this picture.

 

Day 161  4.8.25

    I actually made it to the shower in the mid afternoon.  I even read a little bit!   Still felt pretty crappy though!
 

Day 162  4.9.25

   I still felt like a bus had hit me and backed up to go over me again.  I spent the day on the recliner....reading and watching tv.  The dog laid on the couch and slept!

 

 

I am honestly so surprised that I managed to get a picture for this project while I was sick.  It was not intended for this project and is a horrible picture....but it does aptly show what was happening!  :-)

 

Always a lesson to learn

 Isn't there always a lesson to learn in everything?   I don't think that being sick was any different.  I actually learned or rediscovered three main things.

A Reset

It is a habit for me to step on the scales right before hopping in the shower.   It was no different that first day after I was sick with the flu.   When I first stepped on the scale that day my first thought was  honestly one of elation.   And immediately I was like, "man, I want to keep this weight loss", even though I knew that it was most likely impossible.   But I wanted to hold on to the weight loss because dude, that was hard earned loss! Jason even made the comment that 'well your stomach shrunk'.    That made me really think about what I needed to do to maintain my loss or at least not gain it all back.   

Jason and I even had a talk about it where I readily admitted that I knew that I would put some back on as I started to eat and drink normally again.   He made a comment to me saying, "Well, your stomach has shrunk so I would take advantage of that."   Hmmm, that made me think and I began to wonder.    "Could my stomach have really shrunk in the 2-3  days of fasting that started with the elimination of everything from my body.    

Not one to sit in the unknown, I started to research.   There were two parts of the stomach shrinking story: The first is to start by saying that while it is definitely possible to stretch our stomachs beyond the normal limit of our stomachs, for those who have severe weight problems.  Once they have been stretched past that normal limit it is not possible to shrink them back to the original/normal size.  But secondly, our stomach's are always stretching and shrinking as it does the job that it is intended to do, so yes, it does  technically shrink when we don't eat....it shrinks back to it's current normal size.   Is there anything we can do manually/physically to cause it to shrink any more than the normal process and the answer is no. 

So I didn't shrink my stomach. (Waaaaaaaa) It is possible to shrink my stomach to the lowest 'current' normal though.  And that I did for sure.   The one article I read did talk about a side affect of shrinking the stomach and having an empty stomach.  That side effect was the fact that an empty 'shrunken' stomach is more capable of emitting and transmitting the signals to my body that tell me when I am hungry and when I am satisfied. (Don't worry they gave long discussions about the hormones involved and the secretions from the stomach lining and all that gobbly gook to make it official.)

That made sense to me.  When I started to eat I noticed that I would eat just a bit and my stomach would start to notify me that it was done.   Let me tell you, I don't get that feeling often! I also rarely feel the hunger pang when it's time to eat.   I never let my stomach empty enough to get there.   This week I have gotten that feeling and in my fear of getting sick again I have stopped!  And you know what, it kinda feels good to listen to my body.  

Are you Really Hungry

Hand in hand with the last thing I learned was something that these newfound (rediscovered maybe) feelings of hunger and satiation taught me.   That big lesson is that I need a lot less food in order to feel satisfied.  Yes.  A lot less!    That fear of being sick and actually eating slow and listening to my body has made me stop eating a lot earlier than I normally would have.  And I have been absolutely fine.  I haven't been wracked with hunger pains.  I haven't felt anything negative.  I have been absolutely fine!   Furthermore, I have tried to not eat again until my stomach actually starts to feel a little 'hunger pangy'.  Which means I don't just eat at noon because it's lunchtime.  It's an interesting feeling.

It's a Good Thing

Yeah, don't call me Martha Stewart who used (may still use it or all I know) that as her tag line. But, being sick may have been a good thing......for my knee.  I had been having huge issues with my knee for the last half of my attempt to do the 75 Hard challenge.  I have limped around. I have moaned and groaned even as I try to get into a comfortable position to sleep.  But I didn't let up for even one, I was in a 75 day challenge you know.   I pushed through the pain.  I knew it was arthritis and that I wasn't doing more damage to it, so I felt ok pushing.   The challenge ended and I didn't want to lose what I had gained in terms of exercise.   So I kept exercising daily.   I did follow my plan for April and did some days of strength training but I was still working out.  The week I was sick I dind't exercise.  Nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.  (And I don't feel bad about it either).   BY the end of the week I could feel a difference in my knee!  I still have twinges, but it is just that, a twinge and not any real pain!  YAY!

I love the three major discoveries that I made.  It is my hope and plan to hang oneo them and continue letting my stomach have time to shrink enough between meals to allow my body to pick up on the signals.  I plan on listening to those signals.  And I hope to carry these as good lessons and thoughts through the rest of my "One Month of Winning."

 

I DID IT!

 I actually did it!  I completed the 75 Hard Challenge!  It was a long haul, but it is done and just in the nick of time!

Obviously when I started this challenge I expected to make it, but I will admit that within a few days I was doubting myself.  I doubted my ability to actually complete this!  I didn't let it deter me. I focused on completing one day at a time.  Exercise number one, water, read exercise number two, water, diet, picture.......repeat.  Over and over and over again  and the days started to wrack up and then I started to think that maybe, just maybe I could finish this.   And you know what?  I DID IT!

 

So what are my thoughts about the challenge now that it is done:

*  I learned that I can actually do something difficult.  I honestly think that I forgot what I was capable of!

* I learned that step counts are detrimental to me.  Yeah, I know that there was nothing in the 75 Hard Challenge about steps!  However, I started to see the  steps adding up.  I started to get happy as I was posting large step count days and I found myself turning away from activities that didn't garner me steps.  An upper body day where I focused on arm work and didn't have many steps......not something I wanted.  Likewise floor work was the devil!  I didn't want to sacrifice my steps.   So while piling up the step count is awesome, for me it might not be quite as awesome!

* While I never fell in love with exercise (I did enjoy my walks outside once the weather got warmer) I did fall in in love with how my body started to respond.  I could see some major changes in how I was able to handle situations.  I was able to walk longer and further.  I was able to do more work in the yard with less breaks.  My stamina improved drastically.

* I went too easy on myself in terms of diet.  I set up a diet plan that allowed me to have an attainable goal but it was not a goal that was conducive to weight loss.  It was a plan to ensure maintaining my weight.  And maintaining is good, but I need to be losing.   I am not sure what I would do if I had to do it over again.  I would still want it to be attainable but I would also want to do something that would have ensured a bit more weight loss.  Because while I did lose a LITTLE, I didn't lose a lot.

*  When I got sick and I was laying there on the couch waiting for the next round in the bathroom I literally had the thought, "What in the world would I have done had I still been in the midst of the 75 Hard Challenge.  Luckily I was 3 days past the end.  (What would have been day 78 had the challenge extended past 75 days.)  Therefore it was not an issue for me to deal with.  But it is food for thought.  The official rules of the challenge indicate that if you miss a day you have to start back at day 1.  I literally had to lay down on the bathroom floor after bouts of sickness because I was too weak to make my way back to the bed/couch.   An hour and a half of exercise was physically not possible. Even getting the reading done was near impossible I feel.   So I am torn on that rule after it's done and that experience.  Like I said, luckily for me I got sick after the challenge and didn't have to deal with that problem.

So would I do the 75 Hard challenge again.  Yes, I actually would.   I was a little sad to see it end.   I would definitely come up with an idea of how I would deal with something that honestly prohibited me from completing a day.    I would definitely set my daily diet a bit more strict.  The last thing I would do differently would be to work up a set workout routine that allowed my knee and body rest.  

Overall, I am so very happy with my experience.  The 75 hard challenge set me up with some amazing habits. It has put me on the right path for a healthy (healthier) lifestyle....and that is the name of the game!

Trying the Oldest Diet in the World

 This week I tried out the oldest diet in the world! I am being serious.  I can't think of anything older!  Furthermore, it was successful! Quite successful!  But I still wouldn't recommend it. This diet plan may be a bit too.......graphic and way too much TMI, but I have had some amazing weight loss so hey.....here we go!

The Last Hours Before the Diet

It started out like any other Sunday.  Jason and I were busy with the weekend and when dinnertime came I threw together our Sunday night dinner.  Now if you don't know, Saturday nights we eat out and Sunday night is the 'throw it together easy' kind of meal. It might be hot dogs on the grill (well...venison or buffalo dogs from our local butcher) or a cheeseburger or even a chicken patty sandwich.   So this Sunday was no different. I threw some chicken patties in the oven and I made the oh so comforting food from my childhood, boxed au gratin potatoes.  (Hey, I cook from scratch every other day....don't be a hater!)  I had some mulberry cobbler that I had made on Friday so I even had a bit of that.   All was right in my world.   Nothing was amiss when we went to bed!  But weirdly enough about an hour or so later I woke up with a stomach ache.  Quite annoying because who wants their sleep disrupted to have to go to the bathroom.  But what can you do.   I was back in bed after just a few moments.  I quickly slipped back into a somewhat fitful sleep.  

The "Diet" comes Knocking 

It was about an hour after I had originally gotten up to go to the bathroom that it hit me again.  This time I KNEW I was in trouble. I made it to the bathroom and well.......it was ugly.   Lets just say both ends were involved.   Finally I was able to leave the bathroom.  I moved to the couch in the family room as to not interrupt Jason's sleep any more than I already had.  My stomach was still hurting but I was desperately I praying that it would be a one and done kind of sickness.  

Yeah, that prayer was not answered. All. Night. Long.  It was so bad that when I would be 'temporarily' empty I would lay on the bathroom floor until I would have the energy to move back to the couch.  FINALLY at around 4 or 5 AM the one end stopped dispelling whatever foulness had been locked up in my body.  Still the other end continued to operate as a faucet and I continued my frequent trips to the bathroom because yes.....I had a severe case of the runs.  For 19 hours I visited the bathroom an average of once an hour. (More frequently at the beginning and less frequently at the end.)   Between bathroom visits I slept.  I had asked Jason to bring me some supplies before he left for work.  He brought me things like some ginger ale, a bottle of water, my glasses, phone and ipad.   It took every ounce of energy to send a few texts throughout the day.  I couldn't even begin to think about reading.  If you know me, that is RARE!  

By the time bedtime rolled around I had actually made it a few hours without a bathroom trip but still felt queasy as all get out.  I slept on the couch again once again praying that the vile sickness was on the way out and would not return.  I was lucky.  It didn't return, but I woke up feeling so sick.   I actually made it off the couch though!  I took a shower and made it to the recliner were I sat and dozed on and off all day long doing nothing more involved than watching tv. (Back to back episode of Little House on the Prairie if you want to know.)  At the 48 hour mark I managed to keep a piece of toast down. But still felt queasy and just horrible.  So here I am nearing the 72 hour mark.  I have just managed to hold down another piece of toast (Go me!) and I am feeling better still today.  Still not perfectly normal, but much better in comparison.  I finally was able to pick up my ipad and read a bit and even get on my computer....so that's a huge sign that things are getting better!

This morning when I took my shower I was right at the  56 hour mark since the start of this plague and I had dropped 10 pounds.   That's a mad amount of weight to drop in a bit over two days.  (The next day it dropped another 2 pounds...making it 12 pounds in roughly 80 hours.)

Yeah, yeah, yeah....I know that as soon as I am feeling better and actually start to eat again normally that the weight will regulate and I will go up.  But for now, I am going to focus on that one good result from this week, because this diet plan is DEFINITELY not one that I recommend or want to repeat!

 

 

Dreams and Hopes

 A few weeks ago a random conversation with my nephew threw my world into a tailspin.  It was an innocent conversation and the question he asked of me was so mundane that even I am surprised that it caused me so much angst and introspective evaluation.  Yet, it did.    What was the question?   What are your dreams.

The Dream Question

The question came out of the blue.  I was driving along with my nephew and we were having a conversation about jobs and the tough job market.  Not too surprising as I  am currently unemployed.  Nothing was out of the ordinary.   The question was perfectly natural in the serious conversation.   It was a absolutely mundane when my  nephew e turned to me to say, "Well MaryFran, what is your dream.  What do you want to do in life."     (I can hear the influence of my brother in that question for sure!)

I stopped dead.  I was a deer in the headlights. I flippantly responded "I want to win the lottery and be independently wealthy."  But in that moment, I knew I had not answered the question from inside me but had responded with a joke answer in an order to deflect.  (Although who wouldn't want to win the lottery and be rich.) My nephew laughed at my jokingly made comment but didn't let it drop and said "No really....."

I had nothing to give him.   No Hopes. No Dreams.  Finally I uttered the words "I don't have any, I guess.  I used to have dreams, but I guess I don't anymore."     His response was quick and succinct.  "That's just sad."

The Words Resonated

My nephew and I continued to have a good time that day, chatting and talking like normal.  But his words resonated within me.  That's just sad.    His words stayed with me for days.  The phrase That's just sad rolled over me while I was in the shower.  Those three words, That's just sad beat in my head, keeping time day in and day out.  I couldn't stop the words from resonating. That's just sad.  That's just sad. That's just sad.

I can't fault my nephew for saying those words to me.  He was right.  It is sad.   Furthermore,  I know what happened to my dreams.  I was once full of dreams for the future.  I had hopes and dreams a plenty.   When I was really young I had this dream of being a concert pianist.  Yes, I took piano lessons for years and yes, the dream could have been because of a series of books that I read.  (The Elizabeth Gail series by Hilda Stahl in case you are interested.)   Either the books didn't make it clear or I overlooked the need for hours and hours of practice to become an amazing piano player.  And thus that dream went up in smoke as so many childhood dreams do.   But I'm not talking about those random childhood dreams. (Although I did have them)   I'm talking about the dreams that pervade your soul.  The things that is just a given because it is intrinsically part of who you are. 

My mom once said to me, "Your dad and I always knew two things about you.  We knew that teaching and motherhood was in your soul."  They were right.  From a young age that was my most common and frequent playtime.  I had a family of children that I attended to with loving care.  I taught school to my dolls.  It was what I talked about most.   Sure I played other things.  I was especially proficient at protecting my neighborhood by patrolling it on my bicycle, most likely traumatizing the elderly neighbors with my siren that was attached to my bike.   It was the time of the TV show C.H.I.P.S and I will readily admit that I pretended I was Ponch and/or John (I can't remember which.)   But I never had any dreams or hopes of being a motorcycle cop.  Likewise, I played with matchbox cars with my brother and I never had any dreams of being a mechanic or a race car drive (although now that I think about it, I think I could be a wicked awesome race car driver).  No, those were just random play.   The family of dolls and the education they received segued into my dream.   I was bold and I followed my heart and my dreams.

However, the teaching dream ended in disaster and huge heartache.   It ended with a lot of stress.  It ended with me suffering from physical ailments...most caused by stress and not PTSD.  Ailments that are still induced and evident even to the day that I am writing this 25 years later.  Luckily it takes longer for those ailments to appear and they are much reduced....but they are here.  I can feel my throat closing even as I type and I am struggling to get a breathe..... if you want to read about that situation, read it here.

While I was dating my first husband, I had made it clear that I wanted to have kids.  I couldn't have been more clear in my desires.   He was on board with the idea and we moved ahead with our plans for 'forever'.     We never had kids.  When the conversation came up, he was never ready.  His response was always, "Lets wait another year or two"  or "Not yet, let me get such and such done first."   Always a plea or an excuse to wait.  It wasn't until the bitter end of our marriage that he admitted that he never wanted kids and that he had lied because he knew that I would not have married him had I known he didn't want kids.  (Not the only REALLY important thing he lied about in order to get me to marry him, but that's a different story.)   My largest and most intense dream in life went up in smoke.  By the time I left that marriage I was in my 40's, financially strapped and single.  Time and opportunity had passed me by. 

The loss of those two huge dreams gutted me.  They were the dreams that shaped the complete direction of my life and without them they  left a huge. I didn't have dreams anymore.  If I did somehow conjure up a dream, It was quickly pushed down, because dreams hurt.  

That's just sad.

I have known about this void of dreams for a while.  I actually alluded to the loss and the associated heartbreak on my 40th birthday post. (how can that be 12 years ago). I have felt powerless though.  It's not like you can go to the store and just buy a dream from the shelf?   But this time, with my nephews words resonating over and over within me, I determined that I was going to figure it out.  

For days I pondered and thought about it.  At first nothing was coming to mind.  I was dreamless.  It was a big void.  I was just putting one foot in front of the other day in and day out....exactly as I have been doing for a long time.  But I was determined to change that trajectory.   I finally had the bright idea to stop thinking about dreams, but to start focusing on things that I enjoy doing. Even that was difficult. But slowly over time some ideas began to take shape in my mind.

                        Finding My  Dreams

With the words "that's just sad" reverberating through my head I set about trying to come up with dreams and hopes. But seriously, where to they come from? I started to think not just about dreams, but about things I enjoy doing.   Once I started thinking in terms of what I enjoy, the first thing came to my mind rather quickly.

I do love to read.  That has also always been a given.  But I"m not not sure that's a dream.  But I filed away that little tidbit for the future. 

The second thing came to me rather quickly too.   I love to travel.  There is nothing that makes me happier than going out and exploring, be it an abandoned site, a park or a museum.  Multiple day trips are obviously my favorite, but even day trips are awesome!  I love to travel and explore.   As I thought about this love,  I realized that I did in fact have a dream lurking around in the back of my mind.  I most definitely dream of a life of travel and this dream had been around for quite some time.  In fact, I had made a travel YouTube channel ages ago and had a corresponding website for it sitting shelved and unused.  Why did I stop?   Fear of having this dream go up in smoke  I reckon.  

As I was realizing my interest in reading and a passion and yes even a dream for travel I also came to a startling discovery.  My YouTube channel does not bring me great happiness.  It had become a chore to create videos and post. (That could be because I was posting a LOT....in December I did one video per day and January through March I was posting at least 5 times a week....that's a lot of videos!)  It wasn't making me happy.  (The friendships I have made there do bring me happiness...but creating the videos...not as much....I end up more dissatisfied at the results than anything.)    I immediately stopped posting so frequently. (I really need to turn this post into a video to explain to my followers and friends there what has happened.) At the same time I realized that writing on this blog has always brought me happiness. Even though some of my posts over the years have been rather lame!    Yay,  that means i found another thing that I enjoy.  I enjoy writing.  I have always enjoyed writing.  I have dabbled with writing for years.  It is just plain fun.  I get a giddy rush of happiness when I reread something I've actually taken the time to write. (Not the slapdash posts...but the well thought out posts such as this one.)  Writing....

As I was typing that last paragraph I felt called to add another one to my list.  I do enjoy photography.   It was a complete passion of mine for quite a few years.  I stepped away from it for a while. I know that this is going to sound hokey and weird, but I carried around my camera for the last few years of my first marriage.  I made it through that rough time because of my camera and the fact that it forced me to see the beauty and light in a world that was very dark and ugly for me.  For a few years after I divorced I would pick up one of my cameras and I could almost feel the despair and depression seeping from the camera and back into me.  It was really odd. It was almost as if I had poured my sadness from those years into the camera and the camera was trying to pour that sadness back into me.  I know...weird.  But it was a real feeling and it happened almost every time I picked up my camera.  Ultimately it caused me to set my camera gear aside and turn from photography, or rather anything more than photography on my cell phone.  Just last fall I decided to step back into it.  The camera slowly lost those negative feelings, (I think).   and I felt ready again.   That is why I started the 365 picture project.  That was myself giving me the opportunity to step back into photography more seriously.  (Admittedly, I have been slow to dive in though.)

It may not seem like a lot, but discovering these four things is huge.  It's also a step in the right direction.  These four things didn't just come to me overnight.  These ideas took weeks of soul searching to discover.  Weeks of my nephews words reverberating through my head.  It has been a soul searching mission, one that is still ongoing.

What Comes Next

So what  comes next.  I have discovered a few things that could be perceived as dreams.  I have conjured up some ideas and definitive ideas on what I like and enjoy.  So what do I plan on doing with them?  I would love to say that I was selling it all and going to travel in an RV and see the world.  But life right now does not allow that.  Life right now doesn't allow for much other than searching for a job and trying to save money.  But that's ok....I have a dream and that is what matters. 

Right now I am focusing on turning my attention to what I enjoy.  Obviously reading, which I have never stopped doing.  Writing more, which if you look at the amount of blog posts for this year, you can see that I had already started to increase my writing.   Travel.  I pondered long and hard about this.  I thought about trying to do something with my mostly abandoned Youtube channel, but I honestly just don't have it in me.  It's not where my heart is.  Instead, I dusted off the website and I have been posting on there.   Past trips have been reworked (and in some cases resarched as my memories were fuzzy about some facts).  I have even gone on missions to find new things to explore, even if I can only do it via the internet at this time.  I am writing strictly for me and my enjoyment and posting it on that defunct unused and dusty blog visitplayexplore.com.  I 'travel' this way simply because it's what my life allows right now. !For how long...who knows...but right now, it is what my soul needs.  And what matters is that  I'm having a blast doing it.  Seriously, I started looking for the quirkiest attractions in Maryland and came up with a Bird Calls Phone....yes....a pay phone where you can call a bird! I had so much fun with that, I looked up quirky in Virginia!  Weirdly enough, (or maybe not if you know me) I have been to some of the quirky places.  I have actually seen the shattered bones of the Civil War Generals leg!   I have also been to the graveside of the ARM of the Civil war General Stonewall Jackson.  Yes, the arm!  His body is buried elsewhere.  Quirky! Virginia also has a house made from tombstones and an edible hame.  I am not making this stuff up!  It's crazy....and fascinating!  Hmmmm, what state is next on my quest for quirky?  

So you can see, I am refocusing on what makes me happy and brings me joy.  Somewhere along the way I lost me.  I'm rediscovering myself again It might not be a dream....but if it makes me happy that's all that matters.  And who knows,two things might happen.  Maybe one day my dream of traveling full time will become a reality and secondly maybe more dreams will emerge from my shattered heart.