Recouping my Weight after Vacation

 So vacation ended roughly a week ago. I admitted that I ate more food than necessary, or rather more dessert than necessary.  I also advised that I had  weighed in immediately upon returning home and I saw what the damage was.  I was ready to start this weight loss journey and get back on track!  I took every step and chance that I had to succeed! 

Setting myself up for Weight Loss Success

The very first day we were home I headed to the grocery store.  I stocked up the kitchen with healthy foods!  I got fresh veggies to cook with our dinners.  I got fresh veggies to nibble on.  I bought a variety of fruit.  I made sure I had the foods for success!

I had grand plans to start exercising on my lunch breaks.  I really had the best intentions.  But the first part of the week was so chaotic!  So I didn't get my lunch time exercise happening until Thursday when I went out for a run!

My first time jogging/running

Oh my word.  I knew that going out for a jog was going to be bad!  I haven't run in months.  I have been dealing with plantars fasciitis and well, I've gained weight.  I knew it was going to be slow.  I knew it was going to be REALLY slow.  So much so that I actually prepped my lunch on my first break from work.  I put it all on the plates/bowls and put it in the fridge.  I figured that I could just grab the lunch and eat it at my desk.  I was that prepared to use the whole 30 minutes to complete my predetermined route.  

It was bad!  I'm not going to lie.  It was ugly!  However, I will say that it could have been worse.  I made it halfway before I really had to stop to walk. Halfway is better than none!!!  Right??  I didn't feel all that horrible when I was running.  But once I stopped to walk, the pain came crashing down. My heel?   No....my heel hurt a bit when I was first running but that settled down a bit.  What hurt though were my shins.   My shins HURT like the dickens! 

I ran the first half.  Ok it was more  like a slow laborious painful to watch jog.  The second half, I walked a lot and tried to run some sections.  It was rough! But I did it!

A new Start to Lose Weight

This isn't technically a new start.  It is more like a continuation of my journey.  But before we went on vacation I decided that I wanted to give myself something new for this restart. I wanted something physical that I could see and 'love' and get  excited about.  So I ordered a new water bottle  Now in case you don't know,  I love water bottles.   I have typically tried to always carry a 64 ounce water bottle around.  It works because I simply know that I have to drain that each day to get my bare minimum of water.  It works for me.  Years ago, I had a water jug/bottle that I loved. It was insulated so it didn't get condensation.  It held 64 ounces. It had all sorts of water facts on the side and best of all, it had lines to show me where I was in my drinking and how much more I needed to go.  I wasn't just guessing that 'it feels like I've drank half".  The line indicators told me exactly where I was at any given moment of the day.  Sadly, that bottle/jug met an untimely death.  I have never been able to find one to replace it.  I have tried other 64 ouncers.....they are 'eh'.  So when I saw a 32 ounce bottle (Affiliate Link) that has the indicator lines, I decided to go for it.  I figured that this would be a good thing for me.  Refilling it isn't that bad since I am after all working from home.  So I have a new bottle to signify my new (re) start!

First weigh in after getting back on track

So I got myself back on track and I was anxiously awaiting the numbers on the scale to go down.  But on Monday and Tuesday the numbers kept climbing!   I was so disheartened and disappointed!  How???   but I guess it was just the vacation weight settling on me....and maybe the water retention.   I didn't give up (although I was sorely tempted).   And on Thursday I saw the numbers start to drop again!   So by Friday, my official weigh in showed me at 247.0   That is a lost of 1.6 pounds since we got back from vacation.  SO I have lost about half of my vacation gain.  I'll take that!!!!  I'm aiming to recoup it all by the end of next week!!!!!

Embarrassment: the added cost of obesity

Good Monday morning.  Another weekend has passed.   Another rainy weekend to boot!  This weekend I had some thoughts come to my mind in relation to weight loss.  It had to do with embarrassment about my multiple attempts to restart my healthy lifestyle.  It had to do with shame of my failed ventures at weight loss. And even more revealing, they were about the humiliation I feel when I catch sight of myself in a mirror or window while I am out and about! How did I let myself get to this point!

So let’s start with the weekend. As always it went  way to fast!  I can’t even comprehend how time flies by so fast on the weekend!  This weekend was rainy, so it greatly diminished our outdoor activities.  We talked about gearing up and going hiking in the rain....but it was a cold rain!  Yeah, we wimped out!   We did do a few things to stay moving and active.  We also got some things done around the house that have been hanging over our heads.  So it was productive!!!

As the weekend progressed I started to think about my post for Monday and even more importantly where I am in my weight loss journey.   My weight is still up, it has not dropped much since my dramatic overnight jump of 7 pounds when I started the medication for my shoulder.  Admittedly I allowed the despair of that increase to drive me to a few extra calories one one or two occasions last week.  But by the numbers I should still be seeing a decrease.  So as I pondered my next move I knew that things needed to get serious...real serious.   I was formulating the ‘new start’ post in my head.  And that is when the shame washed over me.  Yes, shame.  How many times have I vowed that ‘this is it?’  How many fresh starts have I attested to.  How many times have I failed only to a week or two later make a ‘this time it’s for real’ attestation on this website!!  (If I’m lucky it’s only a week or two later....when it’s longer the damage done is usually greater!).   It’s downright embarrassing!  Utterly and demoralizing so!

I was still reeling from my embarrassment revelation when we decided to walk through the mall and a few stores. (Hey, it was raining, what else were we to do to get a bit of movement into our day!).  Those places have a TON of mirrors.  My eye caught my reflection and I just wanted to sink into the floor with embarrassment. How in the world did I let myself return to this point?  How?  When I was losing weight the first time around, I very clearly remember saying that I would NEVER be over 200 pounds again.  Yet here I am!  Significantly over that 200 pound mark I might add!  I do find comfort in the fact that I have not gained it all back...but what I have regained is way more than any one should ever have to lose...again...or even ever!  Utter humiliation coursed through me at the sight of my overweight body in the mirror.  How could I have let this happen?

I know that I can do two things.  I can wallow in my self pity and embarrassment and make no changes.  Or I can pull myself up by the bootstraps, take these embarrassing revelations and honestly make the changes within my life to turn the shame into pride.  Yes, it is a restart....yes it is one of probably a hundred or more restarts that I have vowed.  But wallowing in my self pity is only going to bring about more embarrassment as I struggle to do things that a normal sized person can do. (For example: riding roller coasters at an amusement park, shopping at any store for clothes and not having to go to the fat women’s stores or departments, not being out of breath when I go up a few flights of stairs, etc). 

I’m not giving up.  I hope and pray that this is the last restart in my life.  But if it is not the last one...I will keep pushing forward and restarting!   Meanwhike, It is my fervent wish and plan to make the changes so that I never again have to look in a mirror at myself and feel nothing but shame and disgust.  I will continue to push forward. Victory can be had for me.  I can do this!