A New Start to a New me

 It has been six months since I last worked.   Six long months.   That is six months of worry about the future.  That is six months of worrying about finances.  But that is also six months of a very relaxed lifestyle and lets face it kinda like vacation!   But that is coming to an end.  I start my new job this week.  It's happening.  6 months to the day that I last worked.   LITERALLY, I last worked the last day of December and I will start working on the last day of June.  

I am excited.  I am sad.  I am confident.  I am nervous. Ask me at any given moment and you will get a different answer. 

Excitement underlies everything because I really am excited to start working again.   If I look back at all of the jobs that I have held in the past my banking job holds the place as my all time favorite job.  So it is with excitement that I embark upon another banking job.  It is with excitement that I end this six months of stress about work and finances.  It is with excitement that I look forward to meeting new coworkers and forging new friendships.  I am mostly excited.

There is however a sense of sadness.  I have always said that I could very easily be a lady of leisure and not work.  The last six months proved that to me.  I enjoyed being off work.  I have enjoyed the freedom of being able to do things throughout the week.  It was a blessing that I had the time to help finish readying my mom's house to put on the market.  It was a blessing that I had the time to work in the yard and get some larger projects done.  It was even a blessing that I had the time while I was off to complete the 75 hard challenge.  (How crazy to think that when I started that challenge in January that I assumed that I would be back to work before the challenge finished....yet here I am, three months after finishing it and just finally going back to work.)  Sadly, I wasn't working so many of the things that I would have loved to do didn't get done because I didn't want to spend the money.  But I still enjoyed every second. (well maybe not the week I had the stomach bug....I didn't enjoy that!)   I enjoyed being off work and I am utterly grateful for the opportunity to have that time off, but ending 

As with any new job I am nervous.  It's nerve wracking to change.  It fills me with nerves to start a new job.  (And I just realized that this blog has seen me through 3 jobs...this will be the fourth......seems like a lot but it has been 19 years that I've been writing!)   But I am confident that I really am the right person for the job......and I know that the nerves will settle as I go through training and eventually get to the branch that I will be working.  

I am using the beginning of this new job as a new beginning for everything.  I am starting this job at the halfway mark of the year.  I also just saw those pictures of myself when I was away on my Girls weekend and I said enough is enough.   So this new job....the new month...the new me starts now.    

 

Eye Opening

 My mini vacation was so much fun.  I laughed and we had a great time.   But there were three very real sobering truths that I had to face.   Luckily I was with a good friend who didn't let me get sucked down into the pits as I discovered these sobering truths.

The first truth was pictures.  I typically do anything I can to avoid being in a picture.  Don't get me wrong, I love photographs.  But I enjoy being behind the camera.  But me in the picture....are you crazy?  Yet Linda wanted pictures of the two of us.  She wanted pictures of herself at certain landmarks that we visited and yes, she wanted pictures of me at the same place.  I had my picture taken more times last weekend than I have had in the last years.   OK, maybe I exaggerate but it was a whole bunch! 

 Let me tell you, there were tons of pictures of me.  And let me be very clear.......I didn't like what I saw in the pictures.    I wasn't living under a log, I know that I am overweight.   I know that I had gained a significant amount of weight in the last year.  I knew it....in my head.   But these pictures made me SEE it with my eyes. How in the world did I not see this?????

The second thing was my fitness level.  I did the 75 hard back earlier this year and I started to get myself in line.  I was doing great until I got the flu....I had just finished the 75 hard and getting sick caused me to lose my momentum.  I stopped exercising when I was sick and when I was well enough I never picked it back up.   Before I got sick I NEVER turned on the tv during the day.  When I was recovering from the stomach virus I started watching TV.  I have watched TV almost if not every day since then.  Bad habits.    This past weekend I had to face the truth that the 'good' that I had done for myself with the 75 hard had started to wash away in the last 3 months of inactivity.  I was struggling to breathe when we walked up inclines.  It was ugly!  (Luckily for me....unluckily for her, my friend was also struggling so we were evenly matched....but that's no excuse.)    I fought hard during the 75 hard to strengthen my fitness and I let it all fall away. How sad is that?

The other truth was that there were activities that I couldn't participate in because of my weight.   I have ALWAYS wanted to do the Bridge Walk.  Linda wanted to do it....but it turns out that my waist was too big for the harness.  (Luckily for me I read the small print online so I wasn't embarrassed to get there and be turned away).  Likewise, the canopy/zipline tour......I exceeded the weight limit.   NOT cool, I only exceeded the weight limit and the waist size by small amounts, but regardless, my weight limited me!   

As sobering as the truths are, what makes me me is what I chose to do with the information.   Will I settle back on the couch and allow another three months to pass with no exercise and more weight gained?  Or will I say enough is enough and change the trajectory that I have been on.

I am choosing to change the trajectory.   I have tracked my food every day thus far this week. I'm not aiming for perfection with my food.  Right now I am tracking every bite.  I know for me when I track I tend to automatically clean up my eating habits....so right now I'm just tracking.    I have also gotten some exercise in each day.   I'm not aiming for two or three hours.  I"m not even aiming for 1 hour. I'm aiming for at least 20 minutes.  I am not making earth shattering changes right now. But I am making changes that will carry me through a weight loss journey.    I am making changes that can help me get this weight off once and for all!  So look close at the picture from my recent weekend because I want it to be the last you see of me at that weight!

 

Just What the Doctor Ordered

 This past weekend I experienced 'just what the doctor ordered'.  In my last post I talked about the last few years and how it has been really difficult on me emotionally and how it has really drug me down. I am hoping my new job that I start next week is the turning point and I am moving forward with that belief.  But I decided to kick  off this 'new era' with a bang.  I went on a girls weekend! (OK, the plans were made before I got this job.....at that time it was planned as a pick me up, it then turned into a celebration!)

It was about 4.5 years ago when I met Linda.  I was leading a training class of new hires for the team that I worked on.  We talked a bit on breaks and at the end of the work days during the training and I recognized immediately that we meshed as humans and our friendship was born.  When the training class was over our managers assigned Linda to the region that I was responsible for and I couldn't have been happier to work more closely with her and the friendship quickly segued to phone calls and texts on our own time.  For four years we have talked hours upon hours on the phone , worked virtually side by side and got laid off together.  However, we never met in person as she lives in Indiana and I am in Pennsylvania.  Finally, this past weekend we got to meet each other face to face on our own girls weekend........and it was a blast!

 We decided to go to New River Gorge as she had never been to West Virginia and I obviously love the New River Gorge area.  This has been evident over and over such as in  this post about my first trip when I clearly said "I will be back".  I also wrote this post about another visit.   Heck, I even got married there on yet another visit!  I couldn't wait!  Little did I know how much we would pack into our weekend!

We arrived on Friday mid afternoon.  I don't have many pictures from that day as it was a low key day.  We walked all around downtown and checked out the shops.  We went to the visitor center to give her the first glimpse of the gorge and the bridge.  We also stopped at a few shops to pick up a few things for Jason that I know he loves from the area.  It was low key but laden with laughter.

We were up early for our first full day.  The fog was hanging low so we headed straight to the visitor center to walk to the overlook on the Canyon Rim Trail.   Let me tell you, early in the morning is fabulous!  We didn't have to deal with the any crowds and of course the view was fabulous!

From there we headed to the abandoned town of Thurmond.  It doesn't matter how many times I go to this town, it never fails to charm!  What is the charm?  Is it the abundantly beautiful nature that surrounds the town?  Does the charm come from from the old buildings?  Does the fascination come from knowing that this abandoned town and the empty buildings were once a thriving town.  I don't know, but it charms me each and every time!    

After roaming around Thurmond we headed to Hawks Nest State Park.  While it is a great state park and we did enjoy our visit and the views, the main reason we were going was because that is where the Jet Boat Marina rides are.  Yes, we took a boat ride on the river!  It was awesome!  We went down to the dam and the whole way back up to the New River Gorge Bridge on the water.....on the only still water in that area.   

 

 

 We were so close, so we headed to Cathedral Falls after we were done at Hawks Nest.  Of course I had to go there, because that was where I got married!  This waterfall is absolutely gorgeous.  The water was flowing quite a bit more than when we got married.  Absolutely beautiful!

Our first full day was amazing but could we top it for our second full day?   Absolutely!   We again started early, but this time we had a bit of a drive before we reached our first destination.   For our first destination we decided to drive the hour to view the Sandstone Falls on the river. Sandstone Falls is also part of the New River Gorge National Park. On the drive to the falls we stopped to admire the beauty which was splendid and served as a prelude to the awesome views we got when we reached the waterfall.

 

We explored a bit in the town of Hinton and then decided to drive back to Beckley via a different route on the opposite side of the river.  We stopped at the Sandstone Falls Visitor center and then headed back to Beckley.   Once in Beckley we headed to the Exhibition Mine.  The highlight of this attraction is the tour into a coal mine.  The guides are ex-mine workers and are fabulous!   But even though the mine tour is the main attraction, the site also has a recreated mine camp so that visitors can walk through the buildings and see how people would live in a coal camp.   Nearby and also included is the homestead tour.  This is a recreated village that predated the coal camp village.   Also fascinating! 

 

It was so hot but we weren't done yet.  After we were done with the Beckley Exhibition Mine we headed to Grandview.  Grandview is another area within the National Park.  The main overlook at Grandview is ....well....grand.   The river bends and the overlook clearly displays the bend!   We stood there for a while and watched some rafters go down the river and navigate the rapids, but it was so stinkin' hot that it became a bit unbearable.  I actually said "I think the sun is roasting my internal organs".  Even with the heat, it was still worth it to see it!

 One might think that we were done for the day, but we were still going strong.  Just maybe not strong enough to deal with the heat for long periods of time.  What better than to go for a drive down the Fayette Station Road!  This is honestly a must do when you go to New River Gorge.  Jason and I do it at least once each visit and many times at least twice with each of us driving once so that the other person can enjoy the views also.  Since I had previously experienced it, I drove to allow Linda to have the full experience!  I still enjoyed it immensely!   

We had a lazy evening at are accommodations and the next morning we were up early and ready to head home.  I had one more thing to do though.  I had always seen the various locations for the restaurant Tudors Biscuit World and I had always wanted to go, but had never been there.  This visit I was determined to satisfy my curiosity.   So we headed out for breakfast before we said our goodbyes.   This is a West Virginia chain restaurant, although there appear to be a few locations in Ohio and a few in Kentucky.  It is basically a fast food restaurant...but they do serve it to you (at least at our location) and used baskets, real silverware and real cups....so a cross between sit down restaurant and fast food.  The food WAS good.  For being kinda like a fast food joint, it tasted fresh!  We sat and talked for a while after we finished our breakfast but we both had a 5 hour drive ahead of us. We said our goodbyes and headed out.

The weekend was just what I needed.  We laughed so hard that we cried......it's been a long time since I laughed that hard.   Even more important, it was the perfect start to my new happier less sadness era! (I am choosing to believe that!) 

I'm Still Standing

 I'm still standing.  When I write that it does seem a little melodrmatic.  And maybe it is, there are peopel that have gone through a whole lot worse stuff than m.  I know that and I know how much wore it could be for me.  But regardless, I"m still standing.

 

The last month has been difficult for me......oh shucks, who am I kidding, the last three years have been difficult.   3.5 years ago we got married and life was grand.  We started looking for a house and we ended up buying a house.  Still grand.  But then life went belly up and what can best describe the last three years is sadness.   What should have been a happy time full of excitement turned into stressful and sad time...for three plus years.  But I'm still standing.

I was thinking about all the life events that have come my way since we moved in and I honestly can say that they have not been pleasant and tinged with sadness, stress, fear and heartache.  There hasn't been one happy life event since we bought the house.  Ok, we did celebrate some anniversaries and birthdays....but they were celebrated with no fanfare and were just normal days.  In comparison, I watched my mom suffer for almost two years after her stroke.  I watched her lose touch with reality and beg me to pray that she would die.   It was tough, emotionally and it spread me thin as I was trying to hold on to my responsibilities in my marriage and at our house.    In the midst of that Jason had a run in with an axe.   It left him injured and off of work.  So I spread myself thinner as I tended to his medical needs and as he was off work for about 5-6 months, I was even more stressed as I tried to make the finances work on a single income.  I also had the stress of  my medical issues that resulted in tests and doctors appointments as they diagnosed me and bandied about talk about "this test will check for cancer as what you have been diagnosed with if left unchecked like you had been frequently causes cancer."    Then the worst of all, my mom died.  (Honestly, it was a blessing because she was NOT going to get better and only continue to get worse....but I was still left without my mom.)  It was sad to clear out my parents house, and yes mom hadn't gotten rid of anything of dad's so we had everything to go through.  I ended up working on a team with a 'Karen' who was in a position of power.  She was horrible! She ridiculed and frequently told us how we were inept and ineffectual and how it was no wonder the team was falling apart since I had done such and such and believe me when I say that her abuse was over crazy things like me choosing 'file and then save as' versus just clicking the disk icon. (Heavens knows what would have happened had I chosen Contol -S.   But after such egregious actions as saving a document in her nu-preferred way  she would say things like "oh my word, I can't believe you don't even know how to save, you can't do anything right."  Is it any wonder that I wrote a post in May of 2023 titled confidence?     In the midst of this three year endless tragedy that was my life my work was becoming more unstable.   Not once....but two times the team that I was on at work was called into a meeting to say that "the team is being disbanded in two months and we are not sure that we will have a position for you."   I dodged those bullets and retained my job.  But then the company started having mass layoffs.  I dodged those bullets also.  But the strain and stress of the insecurity and instability of your job situation is tough.  (And yes, I was low key looking for alternate employment.)   Finally that came to a head in December of 2024 when they announced that I (along with my whole team) was being laid off, and on my birthday of all days.  I finished out the last few weeks of work and found myself unemployed on January 1rst.   And that started the stress of unemployment.  I'm not going to lie, I like being home and free to run errands and relax......but I also missed working.  Furthermore, I NEEDED a job!  HUNDREDS of applications were submitted.  I was trying to find another remote job so I could continue to work from home, but those applications were going no where.  Stress upon stress upon stress.  But I'm still standing.

 As soon as something was resolved and before I could even emotionally recover, something else happened.   The stress has been weighing me down heavily for quite some time.   This stress has carried into other areas of my life in ways that I won't go into today.   But I'm still standing.

In the last week or two I have been offered a job (two actually).   Both of them are in person but I am surprisingly  excited about getting out of the house and out into the world.   These last six months at home I have been very sequestered and alone.  I am somewhat worried about the dog though.  I've worked in the last months to get her used to me not being home all day...and she has gone multiple times with me being gone for 8 hours.  I think we will have some messes at first...simply because she is somewhat used to waiting to use the potty (the yard) until she wants to...but that won't be a possiblity.    But seriously, I think she is going to sink into a fit of depression.  That honestly is my only worry...my dog!

 

I'll be starting my new job literally 6 months almost to the day (one day off actually) from my last day at my previous job.  Yes, one day shy of 6 months of unemployment.    It's honestly the first 'happy' thing I can think of happening to me in the last three plus years.   Is my luck changing?   I'm certainly due some good luck....some happiness.   But as I thought about this change of my luck, I started to think about where I am and where I have let the last 5 years take me.  

So let me just say it here and now.........while I have had some bouts of weight loss and some great periods of being physically fit (such as my 75 hard challenge earlier this year), I have actually gained a fair amount of weight.    I am literally the highest I have been since I started this blog.   Yeah, it's hard to write that and face the truth.  But there it is.   This weight gain comes at me naturally.  I am a stress eater.   The last three years have been nothing but stress.    Couple that with illness and injury and life constraints that kept us too busy and/or incapable  for actives that we have enjoyed and that set up bad habits and we  have fallen into a habit of not being as physically active as we once were.     And there you have.....a disaster for my weight and honestly my health. But you know what, I'm still standing.

So with my luck changing for the better (I refuse to believe anything else) I know that I have to change my habits for the betterment of myself also.   I'm not making grand plans.   I have two weeks until I start working and I will honestly be busy.  I have a girls weekend that an ex-coworker has planned that I will be embarking upon next weekend.  (We are going to New River Gorge...it's about midway between us....and it's just pretty plus she has never been to West Virginia).  I have paperwork for my new job. I have a few other outings planned.  Plus, for my first week or two I will have to drive to Harrisburg (about an hour or more) for training (I will only be about 10 minutes from home once training is over).   I know that I will most likely be exhausted that week from the unaccustomed aspect of work....and a commute....AND learning new stuff.  So I also want to plan out some meals that I can have in my freezer ready to thaw and quickly cook for dinners those nights.  So the two weeks will be busy!  

I may be standing in a place that I never thought I would be......at the end of a 6 month period of unemployment, missing my mom (and my dad)....having been laid off....and back to a heavier weight than I ever thought I would be again, but when it comes down to it, I'm still standing and I am ready to be free myself and soar!

 And in case you haven't heard this song.....go listen....it's been my theme song of late!  (Seriously, so many of her songs have been my theme songs over the years....Fight Song right after my divorce.... Better Place when Jason and I were falling in love....etc.  )