The Towel Gap

I am a daily weigh person.  It drives me crazy if I don’t know what I weigh.  I panic.   But sometimes daily weigh ins throws me for a loop when the scales don’t do what I expect.   And when that happens I have to remember to shift my focus!

I started this 12 week challenge and I am determined to see it through.  I’m determined to lose weight and work on my fitness levels.  I’m just plain and simple determined.  The plan is simple…a set or two of basic exercises (lunges, squats, push ups, sit ups, etc)….cardio including interval training, calorie restriction and water consumption.   Pretty simple it seems but the potential for great results is astronomical!    Last week was my first week and I did absolutely fabulous!   I lost almost 4 pounds!  (You can read about that here.)  I was on fire and I headed into my new week confident that I would smash this week also.  (I was realistic and didn’t expect 4 pounds!)

Sadly, the scales have not been doing what I wanted.  My weigh in day is Monday for this challenge.  On Tuesday I was down by one more pound.   On Wednesday I was right back where I was on Monday and the numbers just aren’t dropping.  Or rather, they are dropping but soooo slowly.     I was .4 down from Monday’s weight today (Friday).  

It’s disgusting!  It’s disheartening.  I’m doing the exact same thing that I did last week this week! Water?  Check!  Calories?  Check!  Exercise and Cardio?  Check check!   I’ve done it all!  And it’s been spot on!!   But this week I’m not having the same success!   

I’m telling you…it’s disheartening!   In the past I would waver a bit in my resolve, since it’s not working.  But not this time.  I have vowed to hold steady.  Certainly the scales will eventually be kind and show my efforts!

It wasn’t until I was stepping out of the shower this morning when I realized that in just two weeks I could count a huge non scale victory.    In recent months I have gotten out of the shower and dried off.  I have then wrapped the towel around my body.  And I tug and pull because the towel doesn’t quite meet….yes, I suffered from the towel gap syndrome.    But in the last day or two, the towel gap has not been quite so bad…mostly gone.   Now don’t get my wrong, the towel isn’t wrapping around me with lots of room to spare.  But….the ends are actually meeting and there is no skin showing in that dreaded towel gap.  

Can you lose that many inches so quickly?   Judging from the towel gap I’d say yes, and 1-2 inches!   I am notoriously horrible about measuring myself…so I don’t know for sure.  But I would rather have the non scale victory anyway!

So while the scales may not be showing me my results this week…my body is telling me that I’m doing good!  It’s time to keep pushing forward in spite of the scale results!!!

Weight loss journey gone wrong

It’s confession time! Uhhh yeah, I think the title says it all!  This weight loss journey has taken a wrong turn!

 I am so struggling to get back on track!  I want to!  Oh how I want to!   I am ready to.   But....woah...I just had an epiphany  while I was writing my confessions.   Like right when I wrote the word woah It all became clear to me!  

I have a food addiction.   Over the past few months I’ve actually had a pretty good handle on my addiction.  I have been in control.  I have managed.  And while it hasn’t been fast, I have been losing.  Queue in the sound of tires coming to a screeching halt!  Yes, and then I hit that wall.  I gained unexpectedly.  I gained 4 pounds unexpectedly!  And I took a mini vacation from weight loss.   And that mini vacation set the addiction free.   

Oh I’m still in the game.  I still am working on losing the weight.  But more of my time is spent in regrets for eating what I ate!   Seriously, I sit there and KNOW I shouldn’t eat something!  Yet a few minutes later...almost without any control over myself I find myself eating said item!  I’ve lost control!

So back to square one.....controlling the addiction!   This is hard work...and a total mental game.  But I know I can do it!  I am going to starting to get myself back under control at the most impossible time....two days before thanksgiving!   Two weeks before my birthday....one month before Christmas!   But I can do this!!!

FRIDAY!!!!!

It is Friday...and that means it's time for a little review of the last week!   It was a week filled with some frustration due to the numbers on the scales.   It was/is a happy time.  And it is a week where I again made healthy choices for myself.   So here we go......

We started this past week during the weekend which I wrote about here. It was a good weekend and full of activity.

But, par for the course...when the weekend was over I found myself sitting 2-3 pounds higher on the scales.  I really do think that it is the exercise that causes the temporary weight gain!  (the two weeks that I didn't ride hard over the weekend my weight consistently went down!)   But while it is frustrating to see, I didn't let that deter me.  I stayed the course with my eating this week!  Oh, don't be fooled into thinking that I didn't WANT to dive head first into a vat of tater tots!  Don't think that I wasn't tempted to bury my frustration in a pile of Reece's Cups!  I wanted to!  But I didn't!

 I knew that if I stayed the course that my weight would return to normal!

Well......the weight......it is only SLOWLY returning to my low weight.  Usually by Friday my weight has returned to the previous low (and a little bit lower).  But not this week.  As of this morning (Friday morning) I am still one pound higher than I was last Friday.  What's up with that? 

Frustrating!!!  Annoying!  Maddening!!!

I could talk about a myriad of reasons why my weight is remaining higher.  It could be the muscle issue thing that I wrote about a week or so ago.  It could be the fact that the monthly 'ick' was visiting this past week (although it's over so shouldn't that water weight retention be gone?).   It could be the fact that I have a few slight injuries and my body is just holding onto some water weight as they heal.   Or maybe...just maybe my body is going to lose weight this way during this go with weight loss.  Maybe I will fluctuate within a 3 pound range for a a few weeks and then have 2 weeks of consistent losses before fluctuating in that lower three pound range again for a few weeks.  I don't know.  The only thing I DO know is that I am not giving up.  If I stay the course the weight WILL come off!

As for work, I was in training again all week.  (Leading a training class for new hires.)    That is good.  Number one, training is a good fit for me. (Hello...I used to be a teacher ...)  But number two, it gets me up and on my feet during the day instead of sitting at my desk doing my desk job.  But the bad part.......the whole time during training I take my breaks and lunch and I end up sitting at my regular desk working. (I still have emails and work and day to day things at my normal job that I need to ask to have reassigned or take care of myself.)  And ok, lets be honest......it's been weeks since I was on the floor at my desk consistently (due to training) so if I am caught up on my work the breaks are spent catching up with my coworkers!  SOOOOOOO...that means that lunchtime walks have not been happening!  OOPS.   Training is over this week and I should be back to my normal work......and that means that walking needs to recommence!

Today is Friday, a workday for most.  But Jason and I both have off work.  We couldn't be happier!  When we first requested off we had grand plans for a long hike on one of the three weekend days and two long bike rides the other days.  BUT the temperature is supposed to be ungodly hot.  Uhhhhhhhhhh.......maybe a walk through a museum instead?   The jury is still out on what we get into this weekend......but hopefully we can fit in some sort of physical activity.  But regardless....we are off work and it is a three day weekend!  I'm happy!

Have a great weekend!!!!

thoughts on my current status

Is it even physically possibe for someone to lose 2.2 pounds in one day? That's what I did. Who knows....who cares. I'm just going to continue 'working the program' an whatever happens happens. I worked so hard to make lifetime (just got it a few weeks ago..thanks to a doctors note) and now I'm stressed about keeping it. It's not worth it. If this is my bodies sweet spot, the weight that is 'perfect' or my body, then it's ok. I'll just bow out of going to the meetings. It truely isn't worth being stressed over, constantly wondering if I'm going to be 'under that mark' and worried about it. It's ok. I know the program. I can do continue this on my own. That said, am I giving up? NO, I'm still going to try to get my weight to shift downward. Optimally, I would LOVE to continue going to the meetings. And I can look at my body and see that there is more work to be done. But if this is where God wants me...then I'll stay here....and even if I don't atttend the meetings (due to my 'sweet spot' weight being right on the line of where I can be to maintain my lifetime status) then I'll be forever grateful for weight watchers for helping guide me in the correct direction and giving me the tools to continue this for the rest of my life.

I've been at this weight for just about a year now. It's really frustrating. For most of that time, I've exercised religiously, 6 days a week. (there have weeks here and there that have seen me fall off the exercise band-wagon, but never for long...and few and far between). I've made healthy choices with my food. (yeah, this is a lifestyle, I've splurged here and there also). But lets look at this in a healthy light. I've kept a whole lot of weight off for a YEAR. I didn't balloon back up 30 pounds and then lose it to get back to where I am now. I've kept each and every pound off. Well, within my preset 5 pound allotment. (I decided a while ago that I would be ok with my weight flucuating up 5 pounds from my lowest). I've only gone over that 5 pound flex allotment 2 or three times. Once was last year at christmas...it was a week of christmas parties coupled with a a surprise birthday party for me...oh and a mini vacation the same week. And then this week I'm over my 5 pound allotment. How far over......maybe 2 pounds. Nothing major. Just enough to freak me out! If I look at this realistically, I've managed something that many people can not do. I've not only lost 130 pounds...I've kept it off for a year! (135 if you take the low end of my five pound radius). The longer I can keep it off, the better my odds for doing it for a lifetime. How can I not be totally excited about this!

Not much new in normal 'life' stuff. Things are still backwards crazy for me. Life will just not let up. But all I can do is keep going full steam ahead and hope that someday (soon preferably) that things right themselves!

Baby steps!

Well...the scales are slowly inching down this week. I like it this way. Sometimes when you get on the scales every day and there is not movement...no matter what you are doing it gets a bit disconcerting. This week however, each day I can see a little improvement in what the scales are saying. Yeah, I'd love for there to be a huge drop...but in my experience, those huge drops sometimes don't stay that way....the little inching stuff usually stays off!

I've been trying to watch very closely to what I'm eating. We are going out to Corsi's tonight...and i'm planning a low point lunch for me. I am saving many more points than I actually need for dinner...because I don't want to blow it anywhere. I'm also trying to watch my points more closely because I'm still not up to par with my exercising...what with my foot and all. So really my weight loss this week will mostly be attributed to straight up healthy eating! I know that 2.4 would be almost a miracle for me to lose this week... ( of course, this morning I was 201.0). I would be tickled to get into onederland. However, I'm not going to be disappointed if I don't get there. AND I'm not going back up if I don't. I've gotten back on the bandwagon...renewed my thoughts and processes. I'm being more anal about journalling EVERYTHING that I eat! I was getting lazy and journalling only ALMOST everything. That is not going to get me anywhere in this journey! Total honesty is the only thing that will help/allow me to reach my goal! I'm so close. My target weight range for weight watchers is 151-158 pounds. So we are talking 43 pounds until I'm within my weight range! That is SOOO doable! I mean...heck, I've done about that since I started weight watchers alone!!!!! Not to mention all that I lost before weight watchers! I've been saying 50 more to go...but 43 sounds oh so much more closer!!!

Tired

So, it seems that my weight has gone up this week....the day after my weigh in...and hasn't gone down! ARRGGHHH! We are talking about 2 pounds! This is so not good...I want to be in onederland soo bad! SOOO this morning, I decided that I was goign to workout twice today. I did a HARD step aerobics...for 45 minutes late this morning. Mid afternoon I went out and shovelled the 8 inches of snow for about an hour or so. Then after dinner I did a 30 minute moderate intensity workout. I'm sore....well, not really sore...but I can tell that physically my body is tired!

We'll see how tomorrow is on the scales! A girl can hope!

Weigh In Results

Ok, I'm up 2.2 pounds. I want to scream in frustration. However, I refuse to. I know I did it to myself. I didn't watch what I was eating.....I didn't watch portion sizes....and thereby, I didn't journal. I am 100% at fault!

I'm recommitted though. I have done pretty good thus far today. I actually will have enough for a Weight Watchers fudge bar. Yes,I've had stuff like that in the past week...however I never had the points for it. Today, I actually have the points to really allow to eat it! So, I'm not doing too badly. AND, my water intake is where it needs to be today!

Sad Sunday

Well...the ick (TOM) came and went this week. I wisely stayed away from the scales during that time. This morning I awoke and knowing the ick was past...I jumped on the scales....ready to see how my week had been. I was excited...afterall, I had been totally on target with everthing that I had done this week. I'd eaten within my allowance of foods...I'd exercised religiously...I was doing great. UNTIL I looked at the scales........2 pounds up! ARRGGHHHH I told myself that it could be my scales...afterall, I know that they are not the most reliable scales....I also told myself that it could have been residual fluid retention from the ick. Who knows. I swallowed my disappointment and headed off for my day. After church Todd and I had an hour and a half before we needed to be somewhere. The end of town that we were in didn't boast too many options for lunch. I decided to go for broke. I was craving pizza...and since my numbers were already blown...why the heck not! So, Pizza we had. I am proud to say that I was able to pass up the buffet (I'm a sucker for the cinnamon bread sticks...I can eat them by the pound...not to mention slice of pizza after slice of pizza). So getting the dinner for two...AND thin crust was/is actually a step in the right direction. I also didn't put cheese on my salad! :-) BUT...the half pizza that I did eat...uhhh,mm...not good. :-) I didn't eat until I was sick though. SOooo off we went on our day. We spent a good deal of time at the nursing home with Todd's grandmother...went to Lowes and Sam's Club. The original plan had been to come home and eat a nice light meal (I was planning on a salad topped with grilled chicken...nice, easy and light!). Well...it was late when we got done at the last place....so we stopped at this phenominal little roadside joint (the owner has been a client of ours at the studio)...Red Neck Ribs. I can happily say that at least I didn't eat the bread/roll. But I had a beef brisket sandwich. It came with a bag of chips...UTZ, which I sadly did eat. And I had half an order of baked beans. NOt exactly weight watchers friendly.

So I come home...exercise for 45 minutes. I actually stopped because I dont' feel so well. I don't know if it is the guilt that is eating me up...or something else! Probably guilt.....poor Todd....in the middle of my workout, I dissoved into tears. Not so much that I ate poorly but that and the combination of the scales showing a weight gain. It's just frustrating!

Who knows how my Tuesday night weigh in will go!

bad week

This was a bad week for my diet. On one hand I'm actually tickled that my weight has remained in the same range. BUT, this was a very stressful week, Todd and I were getting ready to go on vacation and stopped by to say goodbye to his mom. We found her in bed, delirious. APparently, the cancer in her bones was not only eating the bones, but releasing all that calcium into her bloodstream...causing delirium. From research and from what Hospice said, I knew that this was going to lead to her death. We cancelled our vaction and we started spendign 20 hours out of the day over there. It was a rough week. When we did find time to eat, it was really bad food. We live in the country...restaurants are not plentiful so we ate where we could catch a bite. AND to make matters worse, even when we were at home, there was no food....remember we were leaving for vacation so we had no food at the house...ok we had food but the basics that you need to prepare that food was/is missing. So, eating bad and exhaustion was my week. I didn't drink my water like I should be doing. Last night was the first night I slept in my bed, she passed yesterday and I weighed myself this morning. I was sad to see 2 pounds up...but tickled because that could really be water retention or something......it could have been a lot worse! But what an interesting lesson to see what happens when things get bad in my life.

Great Workout

Well, first of all....got on the scales today and found that I was 1 pound heavier than yesterday. Now that can be water. So I'm not stressing. However, unless I do a massive drop like I did the other week, I'm not going to make my end of month goal. I'm not stressin' over it though. Slow and easy is the ONLY way to do this in order for it to be a 'life' altering experience. My goal of 2 pounds a week...is pretty bold...but managable...AND healthy! I'm still pretty much on target...even with having sat for the last few weeks without moving the scales!

OK....my workout! Yesterday we went to the gym. I started on the elliptical trainer. I was on it and even though I wasn't exactly lazing, I decided that I was going to push it up a notch. Every five minutes I reversed it for one minute before going back to foward. Reverse just about kills me...so this was pushing me. I felt VERY good when I got off the elliptical. I then went and did the weights...I pushed my weights up a notch....5-10 pounds more in some cases. Just enough to REALLY feel the burn! :-) So today we went back to the gym. I did the treadmill today......I pushed my speed up to the point where I could walk but just barely....and every five minutes I pushed it up to a point that it was either jog or fall off the back of the treadmill. My lungs were sucking in air for that minute before I pushed it back down. SO....I did like 8 total minutes jogging out of 45. May not seem like much....but it is monumental for me. I haven't run anywhere for YEARS!

Dissapointment

Well..... After my wonderful news from last week, yeah that big weight loss, my week turned sour in the diet department! The next day I woke up and jumped on the scales....excited! I didn't expect to lose anymore...but hey, I'm addicted to the scales. Low and behold, I was like right back where I was the two days previously. I swallowed deeply and waited for the next day......I was even five pounds heavier. I was now back to 15 pounds heavier than my wonderful day on Tuesday! I tried to not let myself get disappointed. After all, the monthly 'ick' was expected to arrive late in the week. It was a long week. I don't allow myself to weigh in more than once a day. Each day roughly the same.....hovering around 232-235. Then the ick arrived and it slowly has started to receed. This morning I was down to 228.

This is so hard for someone that really wants things to be done ten minutes ago. What a lesson in patience!

Meanwhile, within the last week or so I had a revelation. Why eat something that doesn't taste REALLY good? Wait and eat something that tastes spectacular! Why do I shove food down if it isn't the greatest? Todd and I were out, eating at a salad bar (HOss's). I was getting my salad (healthily I might add....salad dressing on the side...to dip and low on the cheese and other fatty substances). Well, I saw they had Mac and cheese.....yum. SoOOOOOO I decided to get just a half cup. I figured that would be roughly 200 calaries. A Lot, but I decided to make the adjustments and manage my food intake to allow for it. (Ok, that was a revalation in itself!) So, I get the mac and cheese back to the table and couldn't wait to dig into my 'treat'. I took one bite. Now don't get me wrong, the mac and cheese wasn't bad. However it wasn't GREAT. And suddenly I decided that it wasn't worth cutting other things out in order to have that mac and cheese. I would rather manage and cut corners in order to have something SPECTACULAR!

That combined with my revalation from a few years back....the concept of only eating what I am hungry for and ignoring those messages that my body is sending saying that I have to eat it all...because I may never get it again. I WILL eat the good stuff again.....and I learned that I enjoy it ever so much more if I don't shovel so much in!

Inches.....not pounds

Well, the last few weeks have been a struggle. I see my weight drop and then jump right back up. It seems as if I have lost the same few pounds over and over. I have looked back at my food logs and I have not cheated on the days that I saw a rise...or starved myself on the days that I saw a dip....I'm just flucuating 5 pounds different from day to day. I talked to my husband and he said that because we are so big, that our fluid retention will do that...and that when he lost 150 pounds a few years ago...until he dropped down he flucuated 5-10 pounds daily....arrggghh. He said that for him at about 210 down, the scales were more true for him. I plan on researching this tonight to see if he was feeding me a line!

On a good note....I actually measured myself......it has been about a month since I last did it. I have quite a few inches. If I actually add them all together....like 7 inches. Woo hooo!

I'm really not to tempted to eat bad things. Which I find really cool.....I only wish that I could snap my fingers and have this done. I guess though that I am training my body how to proceed so that when I lose it I can maintain the loss!

Trying not to dwell!

Ok...stepped on the scales today and I'm up a pound. Eating the same....and working my guts out at the gym. I have to keep telling myself.....it's muscle, it's muscle, it's muscle! I am lifting weights at the gym so I know that I will probably gain a little bit here and there as I gain muscle. BUT...it is still hard to see the weight gain on the scales. Maybe I shouldn't weigh myself for two weeks or so...then just be shocked at either how much I gain...or how much I lose! :-)

The dreaded scales

Well, yesterday I ate really healthy. My calories were low...my fat intake was low. I was actually fully satisfied. I actually didn't eat all of my food, I was so satisfied. So, I'm happy because my body is adjusting to a differnt syle of eating.

I've been getting on the scales everyday up to now. I know some people that say they weigh themselves everyday and some that say they only do it once a week. I guess I kinda like to know what I am doing....except for today. I've been kinda bummed because I was actually a bit heavier. However, I ate my cereal for breakfast and immediately felt ill, and have been in the bathroom a couple of times...so maybe that could have been attributing to why my weight was a bit up.

we are planning on going to the gym tonight when Todd gets off work. That should help! :-)