Not So Much

 It has been a fabulous week for my weight loss efforts.......not so much.   It has been a fabulous week for working out.......not so much.  It has been one of my all time favorite weeks this year......not so much!

 

This week started out perfectly dandy.     I saw the trainer on Sunday and had a great workout.  My arm was feeling pretty good and I was set to slay the week!    While I was with the trainer I did mention that my right knee was really bothering me, more so than normal and at the back of the knee not the normal arthritis location.   We talked a bit about zumba and how that could be part of the stress and I did advise that I do tone it down quite a bit and I reminded him that zumba (and running) is my heart....it's the exercises that I find myself happiest.....and that this strength training stuff was only a necessary evil.  We left the session with the comment that in my next session we were going to focus on legs so that he could see what was happening.   Perfect!

Monday my eating was healthy and I headed to the gym in the evening for my next solo strength session to be followed up with my hour of zumba.   My knee was feeling icky.  Icky enough that I took a knee brace to the gym with me to utilize for support during zumba.  See, I was prepared.   I powered through my strength session (which was a leg workout) and was honestly pretty happy with how my knee felt.  It was no worse than when I had walked into the gym. Yay!   On to zumba!   I actually did talk to the instructor before the class and told her that I wasn't sure how it was going to go down because my knee was crankin'!  I put my knee brace on and started the class.  The class was fun.....not so much!    Yeah, within 15 minutes I was in PAIN.  I thought about leaving.  After-all, I had let the instructor know that it may happen.   But I didn't want to give up.   I stayed.  Another 15 minutes went by and it was bad.   I was still pondering leaving, but well.....I was in the front and didn't want to make a spectacle of myself.  I stayed.   I was barely doing the movements...there was no pep in the step and even my arm movements were surely lackluster and not at all energetic.  I made it through that complete workout!  I even made it out to my car without my knee buckling causing me to fall flat on my face.   I dropped into my car because no, there was no graceful slipping into the car.  I drove home.   And when I went to get out of the car I KNEW I was in trouble.

It was bad.   Bad enough that I immediately started to cry, you know the kind, just silent tears of pain that streak down your face while you do what you need to do.  (I think the last time was when I went  over the handlebars of the bike landing on my face and then rode my bike a few miles back to the car.)  I took advil and crossed my finger for a healing night of sleep!   Yeah, that plan....not so much! 

Tuesday morning was torture.  So bad that I was one of the first people seen at the urgent care center.  If you know me, you know that if I willingly go to have a medical professional look at me, that it's bad.

 

So apparently I have a bakers cyst.  The best way to describe a bakers cyst is that I have a leaky knee.  Ok, thats' the fun way to describe it.   The more serious way is that when there is an injury to the knee (or an arthritis flare up) the body produces a fluid to help cushion and repair....but sometimes it 'leaks' and creates a cyst.  And that is my problem.   The cyst can be up against pushing on those muscles and lots of other things.   Ohh and painful.  Lucky me.....not so much!

Tuesday was pure torture with walking.  I could barely do it.  Each step was like an ice pick straight into my knee.   Wednesday was slightly better.....and each day has improved a bit.  But back to normal....not so much.    It supposedly takes a while to rectify itself.   Most of the times the bakers cyst will rectify itself and the fluid will eventually be reabsorbed into my body.   If it doesn't get better, there are surgical options (yeah, I don't want that!)    It's been a painful week.

So no exercise......unless you count hobbling around as little as possible exercise.

Neither did I feel at all even remotely inclined to cook.  So we ate some processed foods and some other less than healthy options.  

I go back to the trainer tomorrow.  (I need to sign the paperwork to cancel...as my two months are almost up and I have not seen the amazing results that he said I would have......although the computer body scan thingy showed that while I haven't lost weight....I was actually up a pound or two that I gained about 5 pounds of muscle....but do we trust a computer scan?)   I know that a lot of the exercises on my leg day routine I can actually not do at the moment.  Deep knee squats......not so much.  That booty machine.....yeah not so much either.  And I honestly don't even think the big step up thingy (is it 12 inches...or 18 inches??) is even possible as I struggle to take a short normal step or even a curb at the moment.  So he has his work cut out for him to come up with alternatives that I CAN do!

 As for zumba.  That is on hold right now.  But I do plan on going back as soon as possible, I just like it!    I WILL be modifying it further.  I WILL be in the back row instead of the front so that I can dip out without making a spectacle of myself should it turn out to be a no go.    I will also be investing in some dance shoes.  When I was doing zumba regularly way back when, for much of the time I actually used a more 'dance' style shoe.   What in the world am I talking about?   It's all about the traction.   A normal tennis shoe is made for walking/running and the tread is made to help that forward motion.  But dancing there are pivots and turns.   But if your shoe has traction that is working to keep your foot moving forward, that means it is gripping and fighting you while you 'turn'.   SO basically I need a shoe that has good support but limited traction.    I have fleetingly thought about those shoes since I started zumba, but it was always a passing thought.  Well it's not passing anymore.  I will be buying a new pair and utilizing them.....and maybe for a while just marching out the pivots instead of doing them.  But that is all to come.  In the meantime, I'm taking the medications, rubbing the medicated stuff on my knee and resting as much as possible.

 

And this coming week, no excuses.  I need to double down and get this weight off.  That is honestly the only hope I have of bringing this arthritis under control!

 

 

Excuses

I started the week feeling strong.  I had a plan and I was going to slay the week.   That is not what happened!   

 My shoulder/arm hurt!

It was  birthday week at work (two birthdays) and at home (one birthday)!

We were super short staffed at work!

I had to work late!

I was tired!

Yeah, yeah yeah, they were all excuses that I had this week!  

 It was a crazy week for sure.  I was supposed to have jury duty on Monday.  But on Sunday night when I called, I was excused.   That turns out to be a good thing because on Monday we had one person out on PTO and two people called in sick.  Had I still had to go to the courthouse for jury duty, there would have only been two people at work.  Uhhhh you can't operate with only two people.   Three is bad enough, but at least doable.   I ended up working open to close on Monday.  That totally threw my plans to get off work early, finish prepping dinner and then getting to the gym by 5 for my strength workout followed by an hour of zumba.  Kinda hard to do all of that when you don't get off work until 5:15. (and work 20 minutes from home)   I did make it to zumba at 6:30........barely. 

Tuesday, I could barely function I was so tired.  So of COURSE I didn't go to the gym to make up that strength training session that missed the day before.  

Wednesday, my excuse was that I was busy....busy making a birthday cake for Jason.  And maybe reading.

I made it to not other zumba class.   (Saturday zumba wasn't my fault though...I had to work!) 

 

But Yeah....you get the point!

Furthermore,I have  plan/challenge that I have been working on since my little 'mini vacation' went by the wayside......what went wrong?

1.  I am aiming for 5 fruits and veggies a day.........I was lucky to get 1 serving each day this past week!

2.    I am trying to get 64 ounces of water a day...........does diet soda count as water?   (It should, however I don't count it as water.....)  SO yeah, I drank a lot of soda this week!

3.  Exercise at least 3 times for the week?   I got in one.......that Monday night zumba class! 

4.  Track my food....even if it's ugly.    Yeah, that didn't happen!

It was bad.  I know it.

I can't even say that today will be better.   We are heading to Jason's parents house for his birthday lunch with them.  There will be food.  There will be cake.  ARRRGGGHHHH

The plan though is to get in cardio and strength this morning at the gym.   And tomorrow.....back to tracking...back to counting water.   Back to the basics.

 One of these 'restarts' will stick right? 

Trainer Dude

Wait!  Hold the horses!  You mean I'm actually on here writing and it's only been 10 days between my last post and now?    What in the world!     It's gonna snow or something!  

Honestly though, I jest about it ONLY being a week and a half since my last post but that is still pretty lame to go that long.   As always, it's not because I don't want to.  It's not because I don't have anything to say. (When have I EVER not had something to say.)  It is plain and simple that I am so busy and so tired.

 Busy and Tired

OK, sometimes I don't rightly know why I am so busy.  It feels like I should have all the time in the world.  I mean, I do work at full time job.   Sure, last week my 40 hours stretched longer (not including the 20 minute drive both ways).   But still, that shouldn't take up all this time.   I am working on one or two writing projects....in my spare time. (So not too much in the last week.)   Sure I have animals to take care of.  But it just feels as if I am constantly on the go with no time for anything.  

Exacerbating the busy feeling is this overwhelming feeling of exhaustion.  I am just flat out tired.   I will be in the kitchen making dinner when Jason walks in the house and he takes one look at me and says "You look whupped'.   I can only agree.   There has been nights where I get home and I just cry. Not because of any issue.....but just because. (OK, so I cry spontaneously when I'm tired.....over anything and everything.   It's raining....well that might bring on tears.   I can't find the ketchup bottle in the fridge......tears.)  I've just been tired.

So why have I been so tired and so busy?   The gym.  I blame the gym.   Or to be more specific, I blame my harebrained idea to sign up with a personal trainer.    I told my trainer the other day that I truly believe that he must have been one of those kids that took a magnifying glass and burned ants for entertainment! 

 

 Nice enough guy.   And honestly, just doing his job.  He can't help it that I let my muscles disintegrate to nothing!  But still....he's sadistic!

Personal Trainer

As I said, he is a bit sadistic!    Literally.   We meet once a week and then he wants me to do 3 work outs between our sessions.   This past session I arrived and didn't have a water bottle.  I don't take it to the hour session.  I know me.  I'm not going to drink it during the session. (When I link my strength workout with zumba I definitely carry it...because that's a two hour window).  I used to rarely drink when I ran.....or when I went to zumba.  In fact, if I'm just going to zumba, I take water but I RARELY drink even a sip.  However, I do chug it when I'm done.   That is just what works for me!  (Yeah, I"m weird.....I don't deny it!)   So trainer dude was like, "where is your water".   I answered honestly and told him in my car....and reminded him that I wouldn't have drank it anyway and would have been a nuisance and if I got really desperate there was indeed a water fountain!.   He flat out told me that his mission that day was to make me regret not having my water bottle.  Ha.   (And nope, didn't regret it.......even though admittedly I was thirsty and downed like 40 ounces of water in the half hour or so after I got home.)   See, he is sadistic! 

 But......lets be honest.  I am SORE after the workouts.   He pushes really hard.  Pushed me on some machines to the point of failure.  He is finding out what my current limits are.  Because once he found that, when he assigned my workouts for the week, I am lifting just underneath that breaking point.  Fine by me because what's the use of lifting something so light that I is barely working.  I am paying an ungodly amount of money for this trainer dude......so lets get the most out of it!   But that pushing to the limit......seriously, Jason and I were out and about later in the day and I used the restroom while we were out and I told Jason when I came out.  "I almost had to tell a lady in there to go get my husband to help me get up off the toilet!"  I kid you not.. I was Sore!   I didn't even sleep well that night because every time I moved an inch in bed my muscles screamed out in freakish misery!  The next night I took an advil to allow me to get a good night sleep!

  

Trainer dude wants me eating 1600 calories.  Typically I don't lose weight at a calorie budget of 1600.  But I am listening to him and rolling with it.  He wants me to up my protein levels. (ARRRGGGHHH I struggle with protein!) .  And he has told me not to expect weight loss this first month.   

 The trainer dude wants me to do at least 3 strength sessions on my own each week along with at least 3-4 hours of cardio.   So I have been continuing my zumba classes (Yeah, lets be honest, that was non-negotiable for me anyway, I like my zumba classes!)  With the strength training, I may not push myself as hard as trainer dude does....but I am trying to push myself as hard as I can.  Why?   It's ungodly expensive and I need to make the most of it and not squander the time that I can afford to go.   (Ok, ungodly expensive may be too over dramatic.....but yeah, just shy of $300 a month for 1 one hour session a week......more than I really want to spend!)

That said, what are my thoughts right now after two trainer sessions?

*  I have flat out  told the trainer that has the three month commitment that I signed up for  to show me that it is worth the money!  He seems confident that the results will come easily. 

* I went into this trainer thing with the plan to be completely all in.  So during my initial meeting and first sessions I was very open with him.  I flat out told him my diminishing mobility and told him where I seem to be having the most issues.   Yeah, he would have eventually found the weak spots, but by me telling him up front we saved a lot of time and he was able to go right to the crux and start working on that.   It is the same concept of why I was OK with him pushing me to the point of failure each week.....it saves time and gets us to where my workouts NEED to be faster. 

* We are going after my weak spots.  So there is a lot of exercises to strengthen around my knees.  It has been beneficial to have him walk me through the exercises as I am like "oh yeah, the knee pain kicks in at this point"   So trainer dude usually can tell me to adjust the angle of my foot or leg or whatever and we try it again..usually with better results.    

* While I don't like the pain and soreness, I know it's necessary.....and in some weird way makes me proud of myself.

* Somewhere, somehow in the last 15 years since I used to go to the gym regularly, I have become embarrassed about myself and how far I've fallen.  When I used to go to the gym I marched in boldly and used the equipment and held my head high.   Yeah, I don't do that now.  That confidence is gone...and I didn't realize how badly it is tucked away and hidden (I refuse to believe it's gone) until this gym experience. 

 

So why am I tired?  I personally think it's a combination of two things.  One, on  top of the 3-4 hours of zumba I had been doing at the gym....I am now going an extra 4 hours a week.   That puts a dent in my daily schedule.  And secondly, I imagine my body is working overtime to repair and restore those muscles.  I'm giving it a few weeks and then we shall see how I feel!  Right now, I am just tired! So tired!