Grief is a Funny Thing

Grief

 Just when I thought I was doing better.  We have been powering through clearing out my parents house.  While it is overwhelming and some weeks I leave and feel as if we are not making any headway, because seriously were does all this stuff come from?   But in my heart I know we are doing good.  We have moved through the house with laughter at the memories that our parents left us.  I have cried less and less.  But then grief reared it's ugly head.     In a way, it's funny.  But on the other hand, I just sit here and cry.

For the last two nights I have had dreams. Both of them had a similar theme, a parent had come back to life.  In the first dream, my dad was alive again. After all these years (dad died in 2017) he was back with us and alive.   And in my dream I was panicked, because over the last few months since mom died, we have dismantled his life.  We have gotten rid of things that he saved for years.  (Bulletins from every Sunday he preached, which spanned 50 years, files upon files both in paper and digital formats). And we have been ok with it, what we are getting rid of is not at all sentimental to us (we keep anything that is sentimental to us and we even have a box of things that we have kept that was highly sentimental to our parents, things like my dad's squeak toy from when he was a baby).   But in my dream I was in a state of panic because my dad had come back to life and I had to tell him that I had gotten rid of so much of his stuff.  I woke up before i had to tell him, but the angst was there.

Then last night, I dreamt that I was working and had to run out to get something for my computer, so I snuck into a visit to 'mom's new nursing home."  Mom directed me and I pushed her in a wheelchair through this new home and when people would talk to us, we would share the story about how she had been dead for 10 days, but was alive now and that is why we moved her to this new (weirdly laid out) nursing home.

I'm telling you, grief is weird!

What goes around comes around

 A few years ago I wrote a post about "It's only."   (you can read it here)  I used that mantra for a while, but then I totally forgot about it!  For a few years I forgot about it!  But today, I remembered it.  I was watching a youtube video of a fellow weight loss journey and the gal was talking about her frustration and actually just doing it and how she had to do something but she kept failing day in and day out.   And at that moment I knew and remembered my mantra!  

The process of this is to set a goal or a challenge for just a short time.  And then stick to it....because it's ONLY a day, or a week, or a month!   This came around when I was working at the bank.  EVERYONE was bringing us donuts, candy and other treats and it was really hard to resist.  My manager and I were both struggling.  And then one day while we were talking we decided that we were going to challenge each other to resist the temptation until our back to back vacations. (she went on vacation one week and I went the following week).   During our conversation we made the comment that 'it's only six weeks until vacation time, we can resist for six weeks.  Anyone can resist for six weeks!  We laughed and said that after the six weeks we could eat anything we wanted....we only had to make it the six weeks.

And do you know what happened?  The mantra worked.  When people brought us donuts and other amazingly tempting items, we resisted because it was only a few weeks that we had to do it!  And we both made it the complete 6 weeks!

So that is my challenge!  Next week. I want my calories between 1200-1400. I'm only asking for next week.  Not the next month, or the next year or the rest of my life!  Just one week!  I am being kind to myself and giving myself a pass for the weekend...but those days I have to remain under 1600 calories.   I am doing this because i am trying to find balance between being mired in a weight loss journey and life!  So my weekends are usually a bit more relaxed.   

So this is my line in the sand!  This week...one week...it's ONLY one week!  I can definitely do it!

Did I do it

 My word (or rather phrase) of the week for last week was Just Do it.   The question is did I actually do it?

So what did I have to 'just do'.   The main thing was get my butt in gear and move!   I had been fighting off a cold or some crud. (Jason had it worse and is still congested and sniffly.) Due to feeling under the weather I stopped standing at my desk.  I had worked my way up to standing about 3 hours and then I felt so run down that I didn't stand at all for a week.  At the same time, I also failed to get on the exercise bike during my break.  

The bike is important because that helps me earn the miles that I need each day for my 2024 miles in 2024 challenge. (You can read a bit about that challenge here.)    In short, I need about 5.5 miles each day in order to obtain the magical 2024 miles by the end of 2024.   I was on target with my miles, and even had a few miles banked for a rainy day.  Then I was sick and didn't ride or even walk all that much.   So after my week of being sick I was behind!  This past week was to be my redemption!  I was going to get back on the bike and at the barest minimum not fall further behind.  So how did I do?   Well, I did ride!  But not enough!  I missed one day, simply because I had fallen out of the habit (yes, one week and the habit was broken) and simply forgot!  I also was off on day and didn't ride that day.  So I didn't make up ground and in fact, I actually am a bit further behind now!  Yup, so a mixed bag of success for actually riding at all; but a failure because I fell further behind.

So how did I do with the stand up desk?   I stood.  The first day I only stood for an hour, but by the end of the week I had gotten myself back to 3 hours.  In fact, that last day I was even doing a little two step dance at times at my desk!  

My eating was pretty solid!  I didn't have any day where I binged and/or overate.  I made healthy choices and kept my calories in line.  Of course, there is always room for improvement!  ALWAYS.   So this week I will focus on getting more fruits and veggies.   I will also work on drinking more water (why is water such a difficult one for me?)

It's spring and I've been able to get outside some and work in the yard.  It feels good to get some fresh air without freezing my behind off.  This past week I worked on preparing the soil in the three new beds. Yes, we are adding three new beds to the vegetable garden.  (they are each about 8 feet by 4 feet).  I have been digging and raking and working the soil and pulling junk out of it (weeds, roots, clumps of grass, trash, and the ever present rocks).  And each time I go through the soil to remove all this unwanted junk, it is just helping to prep the soil!    I have also weeded (Must.Get.Mulch.Soon) and transplanted plants from my mom's to my place.  Yes, I grabbed some hostas!  I had been talking to mom before she died about splitting her hostas (they are Way past due for a split) but ended up totally removing about 4 feet of them after talking to my brother.  Free plants are GREAT!  

 

I'm slowing starting to see my weight trend lower and lower.  My scales have been really odd lately and they fluctuate and aren't at all reliable (At least I don't feel they are since I can weigh myself twice right in a row and get two different numbers.)  Could I get a new scale?  Sure.  But I have a sneaky feeling it is our uneven floors that is the culprit!   BUT, what I am feeling good about is the fact that just a month or so ago the numbers were fluctuating at the top of this 'decade' and even going into the decade above my  weight.  And now, the numbers are fluctuating at the lower end of the decade and I have even seen the decade below once or twice!   So I'll take that as a sign.   I don't need to know the exact number, I just need to know that it is going down.  So I will take that as a win!

Jason got a new toy yesterday, so we stuck around the house and he messed around with that.  Today we HAVE to get out and mow the yard (at least a few areas that are bad).   We hopefully will be getting a riding mower within a week or so.    Jason's parents have a friend that is selling a zero turn mower at a good deal. Jason's dad went to look at it and says it looks good.  They originally told us that it would need back tires within a year, but they were thinking that they would last for another year.   But when they pulled it out to tune it up and sharpen the blades (yes, they do their own work on their equipment...and actually do some as a side business apparently and yes we will be calling them to tune up our push mowers and snow blower soon!) they realized the tire wouldn't hold air, so they ordered them and are putting them on !  Yay!  So hopefully the days of push mowing 8 hours to get the yard mowed (and doing it weekly) will soon be behind us!  Once we can mow faster, we will have more time for the fun stuff in the yard.   Fun stuff?  Finishing clearing the brush and weeds, landscaping, gardening, etc!   Ohhh yeah, and maybe we can get back out to hiking too once the yard doesn't take so much time! 

I have been lamenting for the last year or two that all of my healthy living and life stats are scattered here and there.   For example my calories are in Myfitnesspal and my steps are in garmin. And I have to manually add my exercise bike miles to one or the other or both.  And each app is awesome, but they don't always integrate into one thing.  Myfitness pal doesn't do to bad with pulling info into one...but I have other things that I want to track like healthy habits, my reading (which I do have an app for...but once again...a different app) and even if I took my medicine for the acid reflux and how I feel after I eat.....trying to see if the medicine helps...or if certain foods and certain eating behaviors help).  I buy a day planner yearly, which I try to pull everything to....but there is a lot of stats and information.   In December I toyed with creating my own planner.  I was going to create it in canva, place it in my kindle direct publishing account for 'sale' and then buy it from there to have it printed up nice.  But when I started to create it I was stumped.  What do I need to include...how do I want it laid out...so many questions and I just didn't do it.   BUT, I have decided to do more of a bullet journal for now.  Each month create pages that I think I would like to have included.  And then use it for the month.  I can then take notes of what is missing, what doesn't work, what works and adapt it for the next moth.   I will only be creating one month at a time, so I can always adjust.  So yesterday I bought a blank 'sketch pad' style book and hopefully today I can start creating what May is going to look like.  Right now I am thinking of the following things:

*  Calendar page (typical calendar month page).  On this calendar page I will divide the square for the day into 4-5  each section will be colored when I successfully complete the habit for the day.   So I can be working  on and tracking  4 habits.  (I will be tracking things like   water, food tracking, exercise, vitamins, Did I get my miles for the 2024, etc)

*  Pages for Food consumption.  I have gone back and forth with two thoughts on this.  The first is a place that I can write down all my food and the corresponding calories.  The second is to actually just have a page (another calendar??) that shows my total calories for the day.  I like the abbreviated version because it would be easier to see how I did at a quick glance.  But I feel as if I need to have my food written out side by side with my habits while eating (did I eat fast...slow...etc) and how I felt after I ate (acid reflux or no)  AND a place to indicate if I took my pill or not before eating.    That is the benefit of creating each month as I go....I can try both and I can adjust monthly.

*  Water consumption....

*A monthly goal page - monthly goals.  such as 'did you lose weight', 'did you exercise 3 times a week'  did you at least maintain your 2024 miles.   Simple yes and no questions (Could be broken into different sections, weight loss goals, life goals, reading goals, household goals)

*Monthly wrap up -  page for highlights from the month (for example if we go for a long hike or on vacation....) and any goals that need a bit more discussing.

* I have always gone back and forth between adding in mood/emotions to a journal.  But it could be an interesting add to the journal to correspond with my food... how much does food affect me mood?

* Obviously an area for weight 

* A review page for a quick review on books I read for the month.....or at least a place to PUT the books I read that month. 

* I also just saw someone else include in their journal a calendar that allowed them to show when they started a book and when they ended the book.   I thought that would be neat.  

*A place to put my word of the week- and maybe a little area as to why I chose it..or how it affected me?

*Body Measurments

What am I missing???

So we shall see how this goes!   Wish me luck!  I will share on here when it's done!  

Bust

 This last week was a bust, all around!  It was a bust for what I did with exercise.  It was a bust with my weigh in and it was a bust for the couch!

The weigh in week started really strong.  It was the weekend and we had a productive weekend!  I got my strawberries planted.  We mowed.  We weeded.   We cleared brush.  We did so much!  I was going strong!

I even took apart our old couch!  Literally, I busted it up!  I first ripped off the fabric and then I started to deconstruct it piece by piece.   

I have always enjoyed taking things apart.  It is interesting to see how things are made and put together.  Who would have known!   So it was a fun time for me!   

   

It wasn't until Wednesday that I started to feel it.  Ok, if I want to be honest, my throat started hurting on Tuesday and on Monday I kept saying "I'm so darn tired".  But I thought that I was tired due to our crazy busy weekend and I thought my throat was just raw due to the fact that this acid reflux thing (you can read about where it started here.)  seems to make my sinus' drain all the time.  But no, by Wednesday I had to admit that the head cold (moved to chest) that Jason was dealing with had been oh so kindly shared with me!    

Luckily for me, I never got it too bad.  I just feel run down, sore throat and some sinus drainage. I think what has saved me from really getting sick is the fact that I have been religious about taking my vitamins.  I've also been really on top of eating lots of fruits and veggies. (Thanks to that book Built to Move that I read a while back. You can read my post about it here.)  I also listened to my body and I slowed down and rested....a lot!

 

Which brings me to my next bust.  I did not stand even a single hour this week at work and at my standing desk.  I didn't get on the exercise bike even once.  I did NO formal exercise routine.  I didn't do anything!

My food was the only thing that was not a bust!  My average daily calories was 1300!   That's awesome!  I had lots of fruits and veggies!  I ate nutritious foods!  I did great!

But I did have one more bust....and that was with my weigh in! I stepped on the scales expecting great things!   I didn't get great! Luckily I didn't get horrible either!   What I did get was a loss of 0.2 pounds.  2/10ths only!  Not even a half of a pound!   Like I said, not horrible.  Horrible would have been a gain!  So I didn't do that!  But dang, I want more loss!

I'm not out!  I know that I am feeding my body nutritious food.  I am giving my body what it needs.  This weight loss journey is NOT just about weight loss.  It is about being healthy and I know that I am feeding my body healthy options!   That is just as important!  In the meantime,  I will monitor my calories more closely and see if I can get the weight to reflect my efforts!  I'm not giving up!  I've got this!

March Review

March is in the books!   How, because this year is just FLYING by!   But irregardless, March is over and we are now 10 days into the next month!  I have been remiss!  I haven't shared my progress report for the month of March for my weight loss (and life journey).  So before more time passes, lets review March and talk about April.

Purge Project

    I have been working on this project.  It is more a sporadic effort.  I am not vowing to do one item per day or anything like that.  I am aiming for 5 big items or 5 collections!  In this way, I can't purge a single book and say "One down!"     NO, I have to purge a collection of books. (For example, I have some photography books that are just collecting dust.  Getting rid of ONE of them does not count!  However, if I purge the collecction, then it counts!)   I made it to about 4 big items.  So while it was not hitting my goal, I feel as if I was somewhat successful!   

For the month of April I will be continuing with my purge goal of 5 big items or collections!

Books to Edify the mind

In February I decided that I wanted to make sure that each month I am reading at least one book that is good for my mind, and betters me along the path to health and fitness.    I started out with a book called Thinsanity (you can read my review here)   And in March I read the book Built To Move, which I loved (you can read that review here., even though it went live in April, it was read in March!)   I actually read two books in March, and the review will be written eventually!)   I have also already started on my April book!

Exercise and Movement

This was a mixed bag of success and failure!   I was so successful with getting my miles in!  I didn't actually bank a lot of extra mile toward my 2024 miles in 2024 Challenge, but I held my own!  Beyond the miles, I did not do any formal exercise!   Ok, maybe once or twice, but that is a big maybe!  So that is also a big fail!    The other success for the month was that I actually bought a stand up desk!  I typically stand for about 2-3 hours a day at this point.  I'm building my time standing!  (it's crazy how much my hips and feet hurt from standing!)

Food and Weigh In

I actually did pretty good with my food.  I ate quite nutritiously!  I feel like I ate good for my health!  My calories were right in line most days!  I was doing good.   I would have expeccted my weight to drop quite a bit!  But it didn't!  I lost a whole whopping 4 pounds!   Ok, that was a bit condescending!   I lost 4 pounds!  YAY!     Every pound gone is a good pound!  (But I still wanted it to be more!)

Overall, it was a good month.  I had my successes and I had my failures.  But my failures were smaller and they did not derail me from the overall goals of losing weight, being healthy and being happy!

My feet ache! Or do they???

 A few weeks ago I was contacted by a representative from the company Flow Sole asking if I would be interested in trying their insoles that are for plantar fasciitis pain.   Of course I said yes!   It was a resounding yes!

I was diagnosed with plantar fasciitis in 2013.  (post here).  I immediately went out to follow the doctors advice.  By the end of the day I had purchased a device to add to my shoe to help with the pain.  I was set, right?    Well not quite!   What I bought was intolerably painful for me.  I tried something different with the same results.  This and that....I've most likely tried it and hated every product!   So when FlowSole offered for me to try their insoles for plantar pain I was all set to try!  

The package came in the mail after a few days.  And I was super excited to try them out.   I had taken a quick peek online when they first contacted me, but I chose to not look too deeply at the product.  I wanted to have a clear mind when I received and tried their product. (Which in the fairness of transparency, they did supply to me free of charge as compensation for a review.)   

The day came and I was super excited to open the package!   The packaging was neat and clean and the box gave some information about the company and product.  The packaging labelled this as the "foot pain relief insole". I was intrigued, but wary.  That is a big and bold statement to make.  I have suffered from foot pain almost my whole life, even before the plantar issues cropped up.  (This has always been referred to as "the Bone" and I wrote about it way back in the first year of this site,  in this post.)   Lifelong foot pain has made me very particular about my shoes and feet.   The main reason that I was wary was the fact that I typically have issues with any shoe or device  that has a large/pronounced arch. I can't tell you how many pairs of shoes and devices that have been purchased only to end up in the trashcan (my parents if they were alive would attest to this also as they bought me special shoes on more than one occasion).  So I honestly expected to put these insoles into my shoes and within moments hate them.

 

Instead, I put the insoles into my shoes. I put them into my favorite pair of Asolo Landscape boots, that are now used for yard work.  I chose those boots for a few reasons.  Number one, they were the shoes that I knew that I would be wearing the most over the following week or so.  Secondly, the Asolo Landscapes were nearing the end of their life and I wanted to really put the insoles through a test.  

I slipped my feet into the shoes with the insoles and my eyes widened with shock.  It wasn't painful!   They actually felt, dare I say it; comfy!  I wore them for a few hours and I was still wearing them when Jason and I ran out to go to a local store.   It was while we were strolling through the store that I felt it.  And it was not a good feel it!   My little toe on one foot was rubbing. (in shoes that had NEVER rubbed) and my feet were sore and achy!  Ok, that was me just trying to be nice,  they just downright HURT!   

Taking my shoes off never felt better! I was undeterred though, I have been told enough times to let my feet get accustomed to the new feelings.  The next day I put the shoes back on.   And do you know what?   They didn't hurt as bad!   And by the third day they actually felt really good!  By golly, these insoles actually worked!    Over the last few weeks I have been right on the edge of plantar pain.  (Yes, I can usually feel it coming on).  But this week I haven't had any of those twinges of pain!   I know, how awesome is that?

I know it's only been a week, but so far I am impressed!  I will definitely be using them more!  I may be buying more pairs of them also!  Not just for myself, but for Jason.  Yes, Jason saw them and declared that they looked really comfortable and he might need a pair!    

You can buy a pair of Flowsole Insoles for yourself.  They appear to be about $35-40 per a pair.  But seriously, if they can help foot pain, well worth double that price!     Check them out, you may like them.

Built to Move

 I have recently read a book that had a profound impact upon me.  That book was Built to Move by Kelly and Juliet Starrett.

In the last year I have noticed a decline in my ability to move effectively and efficiently. If I have to get down to the floor it is painful, cumbersome and not very graceful for me to rise back to a standing position. That fact has bothered me, and I have 'hoped' that by getting back into a regular exercise routine that I would be able to recover some of my lost mobility that I had seemingly lost overnight.   

It wasn't until I read the book that I realized that this problem had been building for a while, but I had been ignoring it and treating the symptoms by doing things like buying trekking poles to negate my balance issues while hiking. 

The premise of this book is that our modern lifestyles do not utilize our bodies the way they were made to move.   Furthermore, by not using our bodies to their fullest abilities, we have lost a degree of function and effectiveness.    They say that the book is getting everyone to realize and achieve what the body CAN do and not what our bodies are doing.

The book breaks everything down into 10 core 'vital signs' that we should be focusing on.  They included range of motion, squatting, walking, sleep, eating and proper breathing.   For each vital sign they gave a benchmark test for the reader to complete and mobilizations to utilize in order to correct and better yourself.  They also gave research about why the vital sign was so important.  And let me tell you, some of the stats and research were sobering!

Some of the thing that really had an impact on me included:

* A 2010 study showed that people that sit for 6 or more hours a day are 37% more likely to die earlier.  (these numbers did not change for people that exercised regularly)

*Compared to a person that walks 4000 steps, (the average American walks 5117 steps a day), if you up your step count to 8,000 a day you lower your risk of dying early by 51%.   If you up your step count to 12,000 steps a day, you have a 65% lower chance of early death.

*For every inch your head is tilted forward (think looking down at your cell phone) you add 10 pounds of load to your neck, which then affects the arms and back. 

*Micro nutrients are important (which I knew, but have resisted really counting).  They follow the research that if you aim for 800 grams of fruits and veggies a day you will come very close (and most likely meet) your micro nutrient goals.  I like that plan so much better!

*In a study of middle aged women who at only 1 serving of fruit or vegetable a day they were 50% more likely to end up with a physical limitation versus someone eating 2-4 servings.

There was so much more in this book!  I'm telling you, I can't say enough good about this book and HIGHLY recommend it!   It has had a profound impact on me.  I immediately upped my servings of fruits and veggies!  (that 800 grams is about 6 cups a day). I FINALLY hit the button for buying a stand up desk.   I became cognizant of how I am standing and sitting.  I am ready to make changes so that my body can work the way it was intended. 

Once again, I recommend this book 100% .  It is a fabulous read.  I actually got it from the library and I will be buying a hard copy so that I can actually have it handy so that I can do the mobilizations and tests so that I can better myself!  

         

Those Darn Scales

 I have been so excited to have my weekly weigh in!  The scales were moving in the right direction and it was going to be fabulous!  But then, I messed it up!

This past week of eating has been pretty spot on.  I've been nailing it with my fruits and veggies!  I've been eating wisely and things were going well!   Until they weren't!    

Thursday night is my beekeeping class, so I have been typically grabbing a sandwich before the class since I don't get home until about 8:30-9PM.  (which is pretty close to our bedtime).   No biggie.  Eating early should have actually helped my Friday morning weigh in!   But I didn't stop at the sandwich.  I couldn't help myself and went and grabbed a plate (a small plate thankfully) of pasta.   Way too many carbs.  I actually had a bit of two different types of pasta, one of which was lots of cheese and so high calories, with limited nutritional value (velveeta cheese...highly processed).  I actually started to panic as soon as I was done eating!  I knew that I had messed up!   Nothing I could do about it at that point though, because no way will I ever purge!  (Never had, never will!) The only thing I can do is know that this next week is another chance to nail it the WHOLE week with healthy nutritional meals and snacks!

So on Friday morning, I stepped on the scale with a small bit of trepidation.  My weight.  Well it is a mixed bag.  I was showing up from where I had been just on Thursday morning.  WAAAAHHHHH.   Luckily, I was showing myself down about a pound or two.  I'll take the loss, but it's hard to celebrate when you know you messed up a much better weigh in!

Yesterday I had a follow up appointment with the gastroenterologist.    We didn't have much to discuss about the colonoscopy and spent most of the time talking about the acid reflux, which is still wildly out of control.  I admitted to him that after about 8 weeks of him telling me to take the protonix that I stopped taking it (I had actually been taking it about 10 weeks before he prescribed it though).  I saw no difference or change.  So he has changed it....to a similar medication, a different PPI.   Yup, now I will be trying Prilosec.  He also wants me to add in Gavascon as needed.  (Gas X).     I haven't picked that up yet, and had some bad coughing after eating yesterday, and thought about the Mylanta Tablets that the ER doc had told me to take as needed, but my new family doctor had told me to stop taking.    So I took one.....and it wiped the cough out completely in minutes.  Hmmmmm.  I will try the gavascon, but will keep the Mylanta handy in case the gavascon doesn't work.  

My stand up desk arrived on Thursday!   I was able to drag it up the steps and into my office, but I haven't yet had time to put it together!  It is heavy (which is a good thing) but the box is worryingly small!  Ok, not small like 'dollhouse small', but the box is about 2 feet by 4 feet.......I keep telling myself that I knew that the desk top came in two section!  But it is a bit worrisome!   I will get it together sometime this weekend!  

The weekend is here and I was so ready for it.   Today is supposed to be rainy.  This morning we will run to some banks in Hagerstown. I'm assuming we will take the dog with us.  That will be good because we typically play outside with her to wear her out, but with the rain we won't do that....and without it she gets the zoomies!   The zoomies care cute, but with a big hulk of a dog, it's a bit much!   So the car trip will work her brain and she will expend some of her energy into her brain power.  Seriously, her head will be on a swivel for the whole time we are traveling.   (It really is crazy to see  how something like that where she uses her brain will wear her out just as much if not more than playing outside!)    She has learned that banks are fun places to visit!  Jason's bank doesn't give dog biscuits (meanies) but my bank does as does that bank that has our car loan!   We are going to all three today!   But don't worry about the 'meanie' bank.  I can't disappoint my girl, so I will give her a dog biscuit when the tube comes back. (She knows what that tube means too!)   And just a fun picture from one of our previous car rides!

Wordless

Here we are, Thursday morning!  My week is winding down and I am ready for the weekend!   But as I sat here reflecting this week and looking forward to the next one, realized a few things.   One, I have a long weekend and two I had a word of the week failure!  Oops!

Early this week I sat down to calculate the previous weeks mileage for my 2024 miles in 2024 Challenge. (post talking about this challenge can be found here).  This is my typical routine.  I close out the previous week and I turn the page to the new week.  When I turn the page, I see the empty margin at the top and I put down my new word of the week.  Many times I don't actually have a word of the week planned, I turn the page, see it and just know what the word should be.  This week I turned the page and thought about the word of the week and what it should be.   Nothing came to mind.  I was stumped.  So I vowed to come back to it.   I just realized, I never went back to it!  So I guess the default word of the week is 'wordless'!

Just because the word of the week was missing doesn't mean that I am not still tracking my progress.  I am still tracking my food.  I am still accumulating miles.  However, the mileage has been a lot lower as I have been really lax on exercise.  I ride the exercise bike to get in a fair amount of miles...but being honest, I knock out those miles fast and furious on breaks from work.   I rely on my step count to make up the rest of the miles and I have been so sedentary that I fear that this week I won't make my mileage goals.  If I make it, I am pretty sure that I won't be banking miles!  That's not cool!

 

My eating of late has been spot on!  A while back I talked about my frustration on the scales and that I needed to tighten up my calories and my carbs. (here and here)   I have been doing very well with the carbs.  I had one day where I splurged and had a sandwich for lunch and then had pasta for dinner.  But for the most part I have kept it at one serving!  I am not concerned about fruits and veggies and natural sugars/carbs.   The calories.  I have had some days where I have nailed the 1200-1300 calorie count that I am aiming for, but I am still most days sitting at closer to 1400-1500 calories.  So that one is still a struggle.

One thing that I AM doing is trying to focus on upping my intake of fruits and veggies.  I know that years ago when I was doing weight watchers I was eating a LOT of fruits and veggies (even before they were considered free).  At one of the meetings theWW leader was encouraging people to eat more fruits and veggies and people were complaining and lamenting about how it was impossible.   She asked the room if anyone was eating over 4-5 servings.  I honestly raised my hand.  I was the only one that raised my hand.   She got a huge grin on her face and just stopped and waved at me like she was Vanna White and said "there is the proof'.  Because you see, I had just shared at the beginning of the meeting my pounds lost for the week and we had talked about my total/overall loss, which at that point was amazing (as I was really close to reaching my goal at that point...so we were talking overall loss of over 100 pounds).   Zoey loves her veggies also (ok, Zoey loves pretty much any food....well except for lettuce/spinach).

So I am excited to step on the scales for my weekly weigh in to see how I do this week!   That will be in my next post!  :-)

I have been going up to my mom's once a week to work on sorting and cleaning and trying to figure out what to do with her belongings.   It's a crazy thing dismantling my parents life.   Sad on one hand because my parents have things from their childhoods, from their parents....so we are talking 80-100 year old memories.   But it's also cathartic as we share memories and laugh.  We have tried to be quite judicious with what we are taking.  For me I have a three point criteria and something has to fit in that criteria before I take it.  

    1.  It has to have sentimental value to ME.

    2.  It has to be something I actually need.

    3.  It has to be something that is better than what I own....making it an upgrade.

So far that has worked. The sentimental items that I have gotten include my dad's toy cash register that my brother and I both played with.  (we used to play restaurant and every restaurant needs a cash register right?  This is all metal and was given to dad when he was about 4 or 5 making it 75-78 years old.

I also took mom's doll bed.   I also played with this as a youngster.  I was REALLY into dolls, so I used this a LOT! At this point, this doll  crib would be at least 72-74 years old.

There are some other random, smaller things.   A few pieces of glassware, some items from the restaurant (my grandmother owned a diner) and probably more to come!  I am taking a fair amount of my parents wood furniture.  It is solid walnut ....and in really good condition, and better than my current furniture!

So there is a lot of shuffling of furniture and belongings here at my house!  But it's fun, and all stuff that brings so many memories. 

The weather has been warm one day cold the next!  I am so ready for spring!  I see signs but it's still cold (at least today!)

Come on Spring!!!!

Removing the Diet Mentality to Bring Success: Book Review of Thinsanity

 I have long written about my love hate relationship with this weight loss journey that I am on.  I love the progress and how I feel when I'm losing (or have lost) weight.  I love knowing that I am doing really good things for my body.  There is a lot that I love.  However, there is a certain loss of innocence.  I miss the innocence of not thinking about my food intake, I miss the innocence of living a life and not having to think about being healthy.   Is a healthier body worth it?  Yes.  But that doesn't mean I sometimes mourn that loss.

This year I made a vow to read a 'healthy life' related book each month.  I read a lot.  My yearly average  is about 125-150 books.  Many of the books are fluffy and light romance novels, heart stopping thrillers or any variety of fictional works.  But this year, I want to make sure that I am reading something to better myself, at least one book a month!  In the past I have randomly picked up this kind of book, but with no real consistency.  So I decided one a month would be a good start to bring more enlightening books into my life!    That's not a lot in the grand scheme of how much I am reading!  (I made this decision in February so I have an extra book to read at some point to make my perfect 12.)

I was looking for my book last month and noticed the book Thinsanity by Glenn MacIntosh.  I read the description and I was hooked!  Losing the 'diet' mentality sounded like a really good thing for me!  Maybe I could regain some innocence within my weight loss journey!  I was so excited that I didn't even wait for the book to become available through my library.  I went to Amazon and bought it immediately.  

This book started out great!  The author instructs the reader to only read the portions that pertain to them.  I was impressed with this.  Most authors indicate the need to 'read the book in its entirety' to get the full rewards.   But not this author, he clearly told us to skip parts if we have already mastered it or if we feel as if we had already gotten the gist of the chapter and quit simply felt done with the subject.

The book is laid out great!   He has it divided into a chapters that highlight the symptoms of thinsanity.   They are things like negative self image, making peace with food, love hate relationship with food, self medicating with food and healthy habits.   Great subjects!  Each chapter talks about the symptom. The chapters are interspersed with personal stories of people that have left the world of Thinsanity to live away from the 'diet culture' and into a more intuitive lifestyle.  So far so good! 

The problems for me started to come when he started to talk about body image.  He talked about the BMI and how it was skewed so if you were going by the BMI and thought you were overweight.  Since the BMI was not a valid judge you were wrong and thus you were not overweight.  What?  I wholeheartedly agree that the BMI is not the best indicator for weight. After all, I had to get a doctors note to exempt me from the BMI restrictions for weight watchers! I actually wrote about that many years ago in this post.    So I agree with the harsh restrictions of the BMI in terms of weight goals.  But at my current weight, there is no way that anyone would not call me overweight.  Yet this author kept repeating his mantra that "The BMI is wrong so you are not overweight".  These comments had me scratching my head and wondering why I was reading this.

 

My feelings of discontent with this book were nailed home later in the book when he relayed a story about his patient that had worked for 3 months to lose her weight but then gained it back on her cruise.    Really?   She lost all her weight in 3 months?   Three months would be fabulous but without any major illness or medical intervention not even remotely possible for a morbidly obese person.

 

At that point reading became a bit of a drudgery for me.  I felt as if he was writing this book for the person that had just a few pounds to lose and not someone that was morbidly obese.  I kept reading though.   Maybe he would turn it around.   Each chapter did have good hints and tips that can help someone on a weight loss journey.  But the author lost me totally toward the end of the book.  100% lost me.

 

What in the world did he say that turned me off completely?   He flat out said that bariatric surgery is an appropriate potential for people living in large bodies.   What?  I thought the purpose of this book was to live healthy and lose weight!   But no, he went on to say that this book would be great to be used as preparation for bariatric surgery.  

I have nothing against the person that chooses bariatric surgery, however it was not what I was expecting in terms of a book to help me get into a better mindset and say goodbye to dieting forever.  In fact, in my limited knowledge, a person that has had bariatric surgery still has to watch what they eat.  That person may actually have to watch their 'diet' even  more to make sure that they get the proper nutrients.   Hmmmmm...

Either way, I was done with this book at that point.  Was it my personal preconceived notions?  Was I soured by one or two comments at the beginning?   Pick up the book, read it and let me know if I was just having a bad day(s) when I was reading!

 

 So this book was super disappointing for me.  Not a good way to start my reading challenge for the year.  Don't worry though,  I haven't given up.  I already had my next healthy book lined up and have started reading it!  It is proving to be much better!  So stay tuned for that review!!!

It's 4 AM you Ninny!

I was in the middle of writing a long post about the urge to give up, updates on life, beekeeping and all things my life, health and happiness yesterday  and I stepped away from the computer and poof, it was gone!    ~~deep sigh~~   So here I am again!  This time on the computer (I was writing it previously on my phone).   This post is not getting away from me!

I'm Not Giving up
The last two weeks have been a real struggle.  I have been so frustrated with my weight loss efforts.  Ok, not really with my efforts.  I'm frustrated with the numbers on the scale, how I feel and how my clothes fit.I have been for the last few weeks eating about 1500 calories.  I've been exercising.  I've been doing it!  Yet I'm not losing and in fact I may even have gained a pound or two.   Talk about frustrating!  So I reevaluated where I am and what I'm doing.   I looked back to what I have been doing in the past when I have been successful.   I came up with two things.  Cut calories and lower my intake of carbs.

I talked in my last post about the carbs already.  I know that I can have 1 serving of bread/pasta/potatoes a day.  I've known this for a while.  Yet it seems so innocent to just have a small sandwich at lunch.   Seriously, it's just a sandwich. However, that is true, except that I don't cut my complex carb from dinner.  I'm within my calories so no harm done right?   However, that is not right.  For me this doesn't work.  So back to limiting.   I'm ok with limiting, it allows me to have my much loved carbs but still lose.  (Oh heavens, I hope that this rule never changes!)  I have been working to enact this change.

The second thing that I am working to change is my calorie count.   I have been eating about 1500 calories.   I have LONG known that this doesn't work for me, yet I keep bumping my calories to that 1500 level.   1200 calories is where I need to be.   Yes, I know that seems low, but this has been tested time and time again in my life.  I first discovered it while I was losing with weight watchers.   Every time I tried to eat all of my weekly points, I would maintain or even gain.   Likewise, if I tried to eat my 'earned points' (earned through exercise) I would gain.   I had to keep my calories at the lower level.   I've encountered this numerous more times over the years.   In terms of calories 1200-1300 calories is my magic.   That's not a lot of calories!   So naturally more calories creep in...and if it's just a random day of 1500 calories I'm ok.  But when one day turns into 2 or 3 or weeks worth, then I don't lose!   So I'm getting strict again about keeping it at 1200!  

It's working!  Not fast, but I'm seeing the trend on the scales going down.

Exercise

Exercise has been really rough this week.   The alarm goes off at 5AM and I have only been able to muster up the gumption to exercise 2 times out of the last 5 days.  I've been just so tired, so sluggish and so unmotivated.  It wasn't until about midway through the week that it hit me.  The time change!   My body has been screaming at me.  It's been saying "It's 4AM you ninny!"  It doesn't seem like a huge difference but 4AM is sooo much worse than 5AM (and 5 AM isn't fun either!)

Beekeeping Class

I went to my second night of beekeeping class.  It is quite enjoyable.  Ok, I love learning new things, so I didn't expect it to be anything else.  However, I almost let my fear of trying something new keep me from it, but the fear was more "where to go, how to find it," etc and not fear about learning something new.  I'm glad I didn't let my fear win.  

Are we ready to pull the trigger on purchasing the set up and the bees?   Yeah, I think I am.  Sure, I"m scared senseless about the prospect but I'm ready.  What may hold me up is finances and time.  It will be a bit of outlay of expenses this year, and not sure we can swing it!   Secondly, there is time.  Ok, not really time, but the timing of all of this.   Shipments of bees are happening literally in 2 weeks.  Some places are already 'out' of bees to purchase.   So being ready at the right time may not happen.   But we will be ready for next year it not.

Weekend

We have a busy weekend planned.  We HAVE to get those bare root trees and plants into the ground.  We don't want them to move out of their dormant state!  This is a grocery week. It is also a week to clean the bird cage.  There are also a few other things that may or may not be happening!

Recipe Project

I have been working diligently on my mothers recipes.   This has been a much bigger project than I first thought when I took on the project.  So what is the project?   Gathering all of my mothers recipes, digitizing them and compiling them together.  Sounds easy and quick right?  NO, it has been huge!  Some  recipes that are near impossible to read. 

But that wasn't what made it a huge task.   What made it difficult was the fact that mom never settled on any one organization system for her recipes.  She had grand ideas though.  My oldest nephew and I have worked on cookbooks, baking magazines and recipes a few times together and we have laughed so hard because we have come across no less than 5 different organizational ideas for recipes.  Mom tried each one, but never really managed to finish any of them.   The problem with these multiple organization systems and the lack of any set system is that each time she started a new system she copied her tried and true and most used recipes into the new system.  So we are talking multiple versions of some of these recipes.   The lack of system also caused multiples as she had the same recipe written on a card and tucked in multiple books, magazines and drawers.   

Still not convinced this project was huge.   Right now, I am at 450 plus UNIQUE recipes.   That doesn't include the duplicates! 

It has been interesting to see the evolution of mom's baking through the years.  I found recipes from when we were kids.  Very basic and simple recipes.   I found fancier recipes that she used when she was a personal chef for some local priests.  Just this past week I found the recipes from the restaurant.  Yes, my grandmother owned a restaurant for years and my mom cooked there. (I also worked there doing short order, waitress and whatever else was needed).  The restaurant recipes were in my grandmothers handwriting!   The last evolution of my mom's baking was when she baked and sold her baked goods at a stall at various farmers markets.  How interesting to see my mom's life in recipes!

 So what am I going to do with these recipes?  First and foremost, it is for family.  For our use, for our memories.  I have toyed with a book...but where to begin with 450 plus recipes!

 

I remain  busy and active and taking steps to make my life, my health, myself the best version of me!

 

 

Frustrated and Fighting the Urge to GIve UP

 I have trying to lose weight!  It is the most frustrating experience one can have!  I mean, don't get me wrong; when I am actually losing I feel amazing.  I am on top of the world and all is fantastic.  But when the weight is not coming off it is the most demoralizing and horrible experience.

The weight was starting to come off and things were going well at the end of January and the beginning of February.  I was on top of the world.   Then my mom died.   I actually held it together for the week of her death.   I was so proud.  I didn't succumb to all the tempting and bad foods.  I was doing great!  I had won...right?

Yeah, how wrong I was.  All  can say is that I let down my guard.  In fairness that first week was more surreal.  It wasn't until the second week that it really hit me with the sheer loneliness and grief.  I haven't gained mad weight.  I"m actually still within a 3 pound range...with the bottom edge skirting where I was when my mom died...but more often at the top of the 3 pound range.  SO I guess I should admit to a three pound gain.  What is worse?  I'm still trying to lose and it's just not coming off!  I mean seriously, my calories were never over 1500!  NEVER.

I looked at my food closely and I saw a problem area.  I was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich each day for lunch.   Seems innocent right?  Except that in my personal experience I know that eating bread/potatoes/pasta can only be a one a day thing for me.  By eating it for lunch I should have forwent it for dinner ,but I was not!  So that is what I think my issue is.  I think! I hope! So I'm working to change that!

 I have been working on deep cleaning things around the house.  I have been wiping down kitchen cabinets.  I am also taking the time to move things around in the kitchen.  I've lived here two years and I sat back and really thought about the kitchen to think about what was working and what was 'annoying'.  I have juggled a few things around to hopefully be more efficient and less 'annoying'.   I"m happy with what I have been getting done!

We finally bought some fruit trees for our property!  I am so excited.  THey are bare root trees, so we can/need to plant them soon!  I also got my strawberries!  YIPEE!  I'm so excited!

    Trees:

        3 Apple (Fuji, Honey Crisp, Golden Delicious)
        1 peach

        3 blueberries (three different types...these are Jason's babies)

        kiwi

        blackberries (we have one wild blackberry on the very edge...but these are designed for container                 gardening so will go on our front porch in containers)

    Cherry (a bush)....we have a cherry tree but it doesn't produce...hopefully the bush will be a good                     pollinator for it!

 

I have also started attending a beekeepers class.  SO we are really thinking about starting our bee colony this year!  WOO HOO!   We haven't given up on the chickens.....but might just do the bees first!

 

That's about it for here.  Just trying to lose weight and making it through each day!

 

 

I didn't give up

So here we are, another week halfway done.Where is time going??   I looked at my last post and I was like "where in the world did time go" , I honestly feel as if I posted yesterday, yet it was 10 days ago!  I've gotten back into the 'normal routine' and have been working on the new normal.  So here is what I have been up to.

Word of the Week

Last week my word of the week was routine.    This week I chose the word Trust for my word.  I knew that I really needed to trust that my healthy habits would bring me the desired results.  It's hard to continue to watch what I'm eating, exercise daily, get my miles in, etc etc etc  and just TRUST that my efforts will work.  So that is exactly what I needed this week.  Trust that my efforts WILL parlay into weight loss.

Little did I know that it would REALLY be a week of trust when I chose the word.   Yesterday I hopped on the scales and I was aghast!  The scales were showing me up!  WAY up!  What in the world.  I know that I made some cookies over the week, but I had accounted for them in my tracker!  Why was I up so much! I stepped into the shower and stood under the stream of hot water reeling from what I saw.   And I had to tell myself to "trust".   Trust the healthy habits that you have put into place MaryFran, is what I had to tell myself!  

After I got myself calmer and over the shock of seeing a number that I didn't want to see, I was able to remind myself that I had been working on a healthy habit that almost always causes a spike in my weight before an eventual drop.   And even if that's not the reason for the weight spike....well.....trust!

 

Water 

 I bought a new water bottle this past weekend!  YAY, I love new water bottles!  I always think that a new water bottle will be the magic that I need to get my goal amount of water into my body! But even before I bought the new water bottle, I was working on getting in my water.   It took me a few days to realize that the cramps that I was having in my legs every night while I slept (waking me up)  were most likely caused by dehydration!    Yes, I was quite dehydrated.  As soon as I realized that, I started pounding water.  What typically happens though is that our bodies will then store all that water.  It's like a camel...we store the water because we fear that the drought will return.  Eventually, my body will catch up with the news that water is free flowing again and will then release the water (lots of potty breaks) and my weight will regulate!  So, I am hoping that holds true this time also! 

GERD

During the week of my mom's funeral, I just pushed things aside.  So when I got back into the swing of things I started to go through emails and notes of things to attend to.  One of them was to pay the bill for my barium swallow.  I logged onto mychart for that facility and noticed the results were there for the swallow.  I won't be going back to the doctor until the end of March, so I was just expecting to get the results at that time. But hey, I got a heads up earlier!

I have been living in denial that I have Gerd.  Yes, I have been living in denial, I was sure the doctors were wrong!  So I was excited to see the results, sure that the results would show that I do NOT have Gerd!   Imagine my disappointment when the results showed a "HIGH LEVEL" of reflux.....going up to the clavicle area.  Oh my!   I guess I can't deny it any longer!

Emotions 

I am still blown away at the way I feel.  I seriously thought I would do good with my mom's passing, after all, I had handled my dad's like a champ.   But I'm just thrown for a loop.  The absolute depth of loneliness I  feel is mind boggling. I feel alone and drifting. (maybe I never really grieved completely for my father too)  I don't know.  I just know that the thought of both of them gone brings tears to my eyes.  I'm alone, with no parents.  I know I'm not alone.   But it just feels lonely.  Tears are frequent.  And that's ok.  I'm paying the price for having been given an amazing childhood with amazing parents.  As much as it hurts, it is well worth it!

  2024 Miles in 2024

I was ahead in my miles before my mom passed away.  During that week, I used up almost every one of those banked miles.  Quite literally, I ended that week with only 1/2 mile extra.   I was fine with that.  Life events are what I like to bank miles for, because sometimes, getting in your miles just isn't going to happen.  But I knew that I wanted to start banking miles again.  I don't like to be just getting by.  I like extra miles so that my back is not against the wall.  So the first week back to work I came out swinging and I banked miles!  I banked a lot of miles!  So I am feeling good about that (and not letting up, I"m still banking those miles like crazy!)

February may have been a bust on a couple different levels.  I may not have lost the weight I wanted to lose (official weigh in tomorrow but it's not looking good), I may have not got all the steps/miles in that I wanted. I may have lost my mother.  But you know what?  I survived.  I kept putting one foot in front of the other and I didn't give up.

 

Getting back to Normal

 What a week. My word for last week was Hang On. I did just that.  I held on for dear life and tried to not let go.   

  I never expected to be burying my mom last week.  Yet we did. As a family we had some laughs and some tears.  I had handled my dad's death so well that I thought I would breeze through mom's death.  But no, this has hit me hard.  The best way to put it is that there is just this overwhelming sense of loneliness. I think when dad died I knew I still had one parent there and it gave me comfort.  But now.....there is nothing and just a hole in my heart.  I know...it will get easier.  

  Hanging on is exactly what I did.  Oh, I wanted to eat horribly, but I kept my eating in line most days.  The final day was the toughest of all.   I have taken on a project where I am taking a pile of papers that include my mothers recipes and I am digitizing them.   What I am doing is typing the recipes onto the computer.  I am then scanning/taking a picture of the recipe that mom wrote (some with stains and hard to read) and I am placing that on the page with the recipe.  So we have a nice version to recreate some of mom's baked goods but also so that we have a picture of her actual recipe.   IN this way, we can have things organized neatly and not taking up scads of space.     The problem with this project?  It makes me want to bake!  Many of the recipes that she made are already in my personal recipe file...but that doesn't matter...it makes me want to bake!  I resisted the temptation....UNTIL I upgraded my Kitchen Aid mixer.  I had a tilt top.......I have taken one of mom's kitchen aids.  So I had a 'new to me" toy to play with. (once again, it was mom's I've used all of her mixers many times...but it was new to me and in my house).   So I caved and made cookies yesterday morning.  I did take half of them to my in-laws to share with them!  (got them out of my house!)   Even so, my calories for yesterday was still until 2,000.  (right at about 1700 so I"m good with that).

My word of the week for this week is ROUTINE.  I need to get back into my routine.  I need that routine in place in order to have success!    I fell back into the routine this morning and I"m counting on that old routine to carry me through this first week back.

2024 miles in 2024.  I was so happy a week and a half ago because I was ahead in my miles for the year.    I knew that being ahead was important for a 'rainy day'.   Well, last week was rainy.  I didn't do much riding on the bike (I did get one or two days in) and while some of the days my step count was great, others my step count was in the garbage!   I did not meet my weekly goal....no where close!    Luckily I had those banked extra miles.  They saved me from not getting behind for the year.  I literally have about 1/2 of a mile extra now!  There is no wiggle room!  I have to get to moving and start banking miles again!

It wasn't an easy week....but I think I can say it was a successful week, all things considering!  

I Love You Mama

 I think my post title sums up everything I need to say.

Friday morning started as any other day.  I woke up and started my day like normal.  I was only awake for about 15 minutes when my phone rang. It was my brother telling me that he had just gotten off the phone with the nursing home.  Mom had died.  

 

It was unexpected. Sure, she had very limited mobility.   OF course,  she had been in the hospital for a week earlier this year.   But there was no indication that she was at the end.   So it was a bit of a shock.

I'm filled with grief and sadness.  But being honest, this is a good thing.  I know where my mother is now.  I know that my mom is no longer struggling with the most basic of life functions.  You see, she never recovered after the stroke 1.5 years ago and she struggled emotionally  with the loss of her mobility and freedom.

 The arrangements have been made, and we are in that stage between death and services.  Limbo land.   When my father died, I ate my way through my grief.   Seriously, I ate anything and everything!  I also gained about 8-10 pounds in that one week!   Within an hour of receiving the news that my mom had passed away I had already told Jason, "I'm not gaining this time, so no scads of donuts, ice cream, cakes and candies!"   

Let me tell you, it has been difficult!  That first day, I wanted to drown my sorrows at Burger King or Mcdonalds on the way to my brothers where we met to start making the arrangements!   I didn't!  I stuck to my cheerios!   The next day when Jason and I went down for the identification before cremation I wanted to stop again for fast food!  I wanted to pick up donuts!  I wanted it all!  I didn't!   I did have a higher calorie day (1700's) but the other two days since I received the news my calories have been in the 1300's!  The scales?   Right now I am maintaining!  I"ll take that as a victory!

 My word of the week for this week?  It's another phrase....... "hang on"

Word of the Week

​How is it already Wednesday and I haven’t posted my word of the week yet!  I’m such a slacker!!!   It just seems as if every moment of my day is sucked up with activity.   By the time I do sit down to relax in the evening I am just plain and simple tired!   But here I am now, so let’s catch up!

Word of the Week

My word of the week for this week is consistent.     Consistent just seemed really appropriate for me this week.  My January report actually kinda surprised me, I wasn’t expecting it to be as good as it was, but it showed me that my efforts were making a difference!  Because of that, I knew that I couldn’t let up!  I needed to stay the course that I am on.  I had to stay consistent!   

I am happy to say that this far this week I have been consistent!

Accountability

I have long resisted the idea of actually posting my food on a public forum such as this site or on my YouTube channel.  I know a lot of people do, but it just seemed as if I was opening myself up to ridicule as people decided to make comments about what I’m eating because of course my eating plan is MY plan and may not fit in with what someone else thinks is a good plan. So while I have toyed with it quite a few times over the years, I have never actually done it.   I also lacked the discipline (and memory) to actually film/photograph my food for each meal!  Hahaha. So I never did it.  That is, I have never really done it until last week.   No no no, you didn’t miss anything on here.  I decided to try something on my YouTube channel and I started posting what I eat in a day videos. Yeah, not really sure what possessed me!  Must have been a moment of insanity!

But I’ve done a few now.  And it hasn’t been too bad.   Sure I got a comment from someone to eat more veggies (I have always been a bit heavier on fruit versus veggies, so no surprise there).    I have forgotten to film one meal.  But since I’m a creature of habit it was luckily just a bowl of cheerios that of forgot to film.  So I’ve done it for about a week. And it’s been….well enlightening.

For one, the accountability multiplied tenfold for sure! And secondly, I realized how much of a rut I really am in, and it did make me sit back to try to think of different options for lunch.  (Although if it’s working for me, why change it?)

I don’t know how long I will do it.  Posting a video everyday is a commitment. It takes time to not only film (I am throwing in other things from life into those ‘what I eat in a day videos…and some videos are two days lumped into one), but it takes time to edit the footage.  It takes time to get everything ready to post and it even takes time to post.  But for now, it’s working as I’m working to set up some kind of routine to allow it to happen within my normal daily schedule.  (And in that schedule I am looking at adding a regular time to write here because I am always THINKING about writing a post but time gets in the way.

You can check out my what I eat in a day videos here.  

The Homestead

It’s no secret that when Jason and I bought our place that we bought it with grand visions of the property.  We don’t have a lot of land, but you can do a lot on a one and a half acres.  Fruit trees, a strawberry patch, garden, chickens, etc etc etc.   However, shortly after moving in life went upside down and well….I started to struggle emotionally.  And if you have ever suffered from any level of depression you will know that it is a monumental task to even do simple things like cleaning and cooking.   The yard progressed a bit..and we did plant a few things, but nothing major.

I decided that it was time to change that.   So I’ve been trying to spend a little time outside each weekend doing SOMETHING to better our ‘homestead’.   It’s winter so there isn’t a whole lot to do.  But we have a big brush pile to burn!  So we had a fire one weekend.  And my nut trees needed pruned…so I pruned one weekend.   We still have brush piles and stuff to clean.   That’s a good winter chore!  (Can you get poison ivy in the winter?).   I am looking at getting strawberries, grapes and blueberry bushes this year.  I want the fruit trees, but I need to watch the finances and don’t want to bite off more than I can chew in terms of time commitments!

I’m pretty excited about the homestead work!

We remain busy with life and all of our commitments, but I’ve been doing much better emotionally.   And of course, Zoey the Newfoundland is as cute as ever…she got a bath this past weekend!   She wasn’t happy about that!!!

So life is moving nicely..and things are going well!

January Check in and a Weigh in!

 January is in the books and it is time to look at how I did in January and look forward to what I am going to be doing in February.  I have to say, when I was looking at my stats and what I did, I was pleasantly surprised.  I was expecting the worst, but it was actually pretty good!

Exercise 

I nailed my exercise!  Sure there is always room for improvement but I did quite well!  So lets see what I did!

*I was able to complete quite a  few mornings of exercise videos (thank you YouTube). They were each about 30 minutes in length

* I rode my exercise bike 28 of 31 days in January. My mileage for my bike was 117.28 miles. 

* I walked an average of 4500 steps each day (about 1500 steps above my average for December). 

* I was able to complete 188.23 miles toward my 2024 challenge!  I have about 20 extra miles banked for a rainy day!

* I had two personal trainers....but they weren't too interested in my exercise!

Word of the Week

    I utilized my word of the week each week.  Two of the weeks were the same word, but the next three weeks were different.  I opened my day planner and a different word just came to me, so I rolled with it! Each word turned out to be absolutely perfect for what I was going through, feeling and experiencing!

   Here are my words of the week!

    *Week one - Control

    *Week Two - Control

    *Week Three - Fortitude

    * Week Four - Just Do it

    * Week 5 - Drive

Healthy Habits

I did fabulous on my tracking!  I tracked each day.  I pulled my information into my day planner.  I was amazing with tracking.  What I wasn't amazing with was water consumption!  I averaged about 50 (being generous here) ounces a day.   I was very cognizant of my water, it just didn't segue from something I kew I had to do, into a habit!  My calories were in line for most days!   That is exactly what I want, most days.  I am not seeking perfection.  I am looking for sustainability! 

Weigh In

I was so happy to see that my weight was down by 6 pounds!   I'll take it!  It's been fluctuating greatly for most of the month and only this week really seemed to settle!    Sure, I would like it to be more, but 6 pounds is respectable! I had to sit back and think about how much 6 pounds equals for a full year.  That is 72 pounds for a year!  That wee little 6 pounds that I was boo-hooing about?   That adds up to an impressive number!!!  6 pounds?  I'll take it gladly!

Plans for February

So what am I planning for February?
**Track my food!

**DRINK WATER

**Continue the Word of the Week

**Eat Slow  (slow is a no for acid reflux!)

**Continue to limit my carbs

**Focus on being healthy....and not stress about the number on the scale!

**Catch the rogue mouse that is running wild through our house!   WE have traps, but this little sucker is wiley and is outsmarting us!!!

The month is wide open.  I can make it whatever I want it to be!  I am choosing successful!