It's all me

I lost weight once before. I lost a lot of weight It's all chronicled on this blog. I lost near 130 pounds. I was highly successful. I even managed to maintain that weight for a while (in fairness I was trying to lose more, but my weight remained steady). I did it! People came up to me all the time and were in shock and  awe at the transformation that I had made. Without fail these people asked me how I did it. I had my answer and I said it with happiness and joy. Without fail I answered with two words. "Weight Watchers". I thought that was acceptable. Until now. I'm not saying that weight watchers didn't play a role in my weight loss. However those two words don't encompass the hard work that I did. Me myself and I did it all!!! Those two words don't mention the will power that it took to say no to a piece of cake when I had already eaten my food budget. It didn't even hint at the hours upon hours of exercise that I put in. It didn't discuss the hours of thought, determination and focus that the feat of losing 130 pounds takes. Those two words really detract from the work that I did.  Those two words made the whole process it seem rather easy. It laid all of the praise on the organization that is known as Weight Watchers and downplayed my role in the transformation. I was the perfect spokeswoman (unpaid) for

weight watchers. And let me stop and say that the weight watchers program is wonderful. I am a lifetime member and when I get back to my goal weight I will return to meetings for the community support! However I laid all praise at the feet of the weight watcher corporation.

Weight watchers was a crutch. Weight watchers was a tool. Weight watchers was accountability.Those things are great.   However weight watchers didn't lose the weight. I did. Weight watchers don't exercise for hours in end. I did. Weight watchers didn't summon all the will power to eat healthy. I did. Me me me!


This time around I'm accepting responsibility...that means my failures are mine alone. But it also means that my successes are mine and only mine. This is all me!!  I am changing myself...and no one else is responsible....me and me alone!

Long time in coming

As has been shown in the recent, distantly spaced entries; I haven't been doing good. I KNEW what I needed to do, however my will power was totally gone. In doing that, I had no desire to write in this journal. In fact, this journal was something I didn't even think about! That's not good. It shows me how far from my plan I really was! Every once in a while I would think about losing weight...and I would wake up every morning with the good intentioned plan to 'do it', however as soon as something bad passed my lips (doughnuts, cake, etc etc etc) I gave up and made the vow that "tomorrow I would start".

A bad thing occured during this same slump. Summer came and with the garden (planting, weeding and harvesting....berries also) and my new job, it became much more difficult to go to the gym.

Thoughout that period of diet sluggishness I was maintaining my weight loss. That made me happy even throughout my disappointment in not losing more. We had a weigh in for the group of us that are trying to lose weight together. (However this group is not big on encouragement...basically we have a weigh in every few months......well, take that back...Suzy and I do a lot of encouragement) About a month ago we had our last weigh in. I weighed in at 221. I knew that this was very close to where I was about two months previously at that weigh in so I was happy. I didn't weigh myself for a few weeks. About a week and a half ago I weighed myself....I was up. I was up consistently for a few days. I also noted that I felt bloated and fat. It really scared me! SOOOOO This week, I've actually gotten off my butt. I've been on my bike every day this week. I've been watching what I eat. Within 3-4 days I have lost that bloated fat feeling...for the most part (as much as possible for someone that is overweight!) So I'm back on task. Now, to just stay there!

I have absolutely no will power. None at all. Yesterday I was at work and one of the girls that I work with mentioned that she was hungry for doughnuts. I jumped up, grabbed my money and was off to buy a dozen doughnuts. I couldn't just stop at eating one. I couldn't just stop at eating two. Three you may be asking. I WISH! I ate four doughnuts through the course of the day. I'm ashamed to write that, but four doughnuts. I simply forewent lunch....ate a doughnut instead. eii yii yii

Then I had leftover doughnuts that I brought home. This morning I was only going to eat one......oops two down the hatch before I could remember that.... "Oh yeah, I'm dieting". I threw the rest in the garbage before I could tally up the same number today as I did yesterday!

I've decided that my goal for this week....along with eating better (Stand away from the doughnuts), is to actually try to exercise each day. Even if it is just twenty minutes on the exercise bike. I'm actually thinking 20 minutes on the exercise bike each day....and then whatever other exercise comes up in the natural progression of the day!