Where in the world did this thought about my efforts come from? Last night I sat down to eat my planned dinner and I was perfectly fine with my voice. However, when I was done eating what I had planned I was still hungry! I went to the kitchen and ate grabbed something else. I never ate to the point of feeling sick, or even to the point of feeling stuffed. So I knew that I had not overeaten. Yet I sat there afterward beating myself up for the extra food. I had made my best effort and then I wasn’t happy with it. In hindsight, I realized that my calories and food levels were way too low and it’s no wonder that I was hungry. I realize my error in that I turned to higher calorie foods (not junk food…but higher calorie leftovers that were in the fridge). But that didn’t make me feel any better. I still felt like a failure.
But in the heat of the moment I did my best. And you know what else I also did? I soooooo badly wanted something sweet after I ate dinner. And guess what? I knew I didn’t need it and I resisted. I did my best and that is a win!
But why do we beat ourselves up over eating something not planned. Why do we beat ourselves up for our mistakes. Why do we demand perfection? Perfection is not easily attainable. It’s also not easily maintained. Yet we strive for perfection and when we don’t achieve it we call ourselves failures. What in the world is wrong with us. (And yes, this segues into real life for me right now…I’m not just talking about my weight loss journey!)
I have been long intrigued with some of these extreme ultra running events. In particular the ‘Barkley Marathon’ and the ‘Backyard Ultra’. These races are devious! The Barkley is once a year. Quite a few years they don’t even have anyone finish because it is that difficult. The participants are faced with a grueling course (that they run 5 times….with 12 hours to complete each lap). These runners are put through a physical and mental test that few can do….because few can push themselves past their best to dive into the reserves. Likewise the Backyard. It’s a race where participants run a 4 mile loop and they have an hour to do it. Not bad eh? But the top of hour two they line up and run it again. At the top of hour three they line up and run lap three….for hours…and DAYS they start at the top of each hour to run their next lap of four miles. The last man standing after everyone else has dropped out is the winner. Talk about the tank being empty and drawing from that well of hidden reserves!
Those races totally intrigued me and I think it’s because sure, those participants want to win….but when you watch interviews with these people it’s the victory of pushing your body to the limit…seeing what your body and mind can do. It’s accomplishing the insurmountable!
In 2024 history was made with the Barkley marathon. The first woman finished the race. She was not first….she was not the second one to cross the finish line. She was the fifth person and crossed the line with seconds to spare before the cut off! Yet the world went crazy! She lost! Yet ahe gave everything she had and she was excellent! (And while there were five finishers that year…some were repeat finishers….in the grand scheme of the Barkley there have only been 20 finishers in the last 20-30 years!)
I want to be excellent….I want to give my all and then some. But I need to give up the hang up about perfection. Being perfect didn’t get that woman across the line in fifth place…being her best did!