Temptation and a bit of a challenge

So it’s the week of thanksgiving!  Happy early Thanksgiving!   And with this holiday comes the knowledge that there will be lots of food to eat....lots of food to make...lots of food to see...lots of food to consume.   It is sooooo tempting to throw in the towel and just give up!!!  Especially this week!!!

Yes, I did just say that I am tempted to throw in the towel and give up on this weight loss thing until after the holidays.  (And I mean after Christmas...). I’m not losing weight as it is...so my natural inclination is to say ‘screw it’ and just eat what I want. However.  I don’t want to go into the new year with even more weight...I would ideally like to start the new year weighing less than I do now...but I would be happy to go in with a maintain!

So for that reason I am throwing down the challenge.  A nice Holiday (let’s just focus on Thanksgiving right now.) challenge.  It’s simple really.   (And I blatantly grabbed the idea from a blog I read.).   Four different facets of this challenge.

1.  Exercise the day of the holiday!   

2.  No bites licks or tastes while cooking and cleaning up...food must be on my plate at the table if I eat it!

3.  One serving ...no multiple plates!

4.  Take a picture of my food eaten!!!!!

Simple...but doesn’t it sound effective!   So no...I’m not throwing in the towel...I’m issuing a challenge!!!

Friday: brrrrr winter is here

What a week!!!  It wasn’t a bad one, thank heavens... But it sure was crazy!!!   It sure ran the gamut in terms of what happened.  So without further ado, I give you my recap of the week.

Workouts

I started off Monday still reeling from my weekend of being sick.  I decided to put my newfound early morning workout routine on hold until I was fully recovered.  I did not call off of work.   I trudged into work.  By the afternoon I was really dragging!  But I made it.   Because it had been so rough to make it through Monday afternoon I decided to not workout on Tuesday morning also.  Part of me wonders if I didn’t make that decision more out of ‘I don’t wanna wake up early’ versus ‘I really don’t feel right yet.”  But regardless, I am ok with my decision.  On Wednesday though...no excuses!  I got up and did my 25 minute workout.  It’s not super intense...but it’s at least something!  I received an email on Wednesday from my good friend Julie (she lives about 8 hours away from me...we primarily communicate through email...occasional texts and visits every once in a while...rare visits sadly enough).  She just happened to mention the fact that ‘luckily my fit bit alarm went off and that woke me up’.  I had a lightbulb moment.  A Fitbit alarm???  I imagine that at some point may have known that I could set an alarm on my Fitbit .(Amazon Affiliate link)..but then again...maybe not!  Either way, an alarm on my Fitbit  would eliminate my guilt at the loud alarm going off and waking both Jason and I up when it only needed to be me sacrificing sleep!!  Let me tell you...it worked like a charm!!  Yeah, he stirred when I slipped out of bed...but he didn’t total wake with the rousing alarm!  So yes...on Thursday I worked out too!    

This week I added in weights and some arm work!  I also got smart and threw my headphones on and listened to music to help pass the time on the stair machine thingy!  This weekend I may look into my supply of DVD’s and add in a video or two!  Anything to keep it fresh and different!

Work

I did some more training this week.  On Tuesday and Wednesday I worked with some reps in Indiana to train and prepare them for the next step in doing this job.  They are definitely on the fast track of learning everything.  Necessary since they are taking over my position.  Sometime  in the next month or so I’ll be the one learning a new position (my team’s work is being moved to our Indiana site and I’ll be on a new team.).  

The discontinuation calls continue.   These are calls regarding the end of the assistance program for one of the medications that I support.  Some of them are difficult...which we expected....after all we are taking away the free medication that people have been receiving...and it is a life saving medication! But let me tell you though...I’m amazed.  Simply amazed.  A few times a day I get the call and someone is obviously upset about this change...and worried.  But then they still stop to say ‘thank you for the medication that you HAVE given me for free’. I didn’t expect that at all...and even though it’s only a few it does restore faith in the human race.

Eating

My eating was pretty good this week.   I never went crazy.  I never binged.  I stayed steady. My calories were pretty well in line. 

I thought I tracked over the weekend..but I apparently didn't...I have since gone back and done so and my calories were in the same range.

I have my goal on myfitnesspal set to have me lose 1.5 pounds a week...and as you can see I come in below that goal....so I SHOULD be losing!!!!

Weight

I’m holding steady within the same 2-3 pounds.   Grrrrrr!  I don’t want to go lower in my calories...but it seems I’m going to have to.

Weather

Welcome winter!   I didn’t get any good pictures of our first snow...I left home on Thursday morning right as it was starting where I live and drove straight into the storm.   I made it to work with out much fuss...and I was inside all day and missed the bulk of the snow.   I commutes home in the aftermath and continual rain -and ice.  Jason was sent home from his job...they closed down...lucky boy!!!   He sent me this picture taken from the couch at about 10:30 when it was just getting rolling.

Our area got about 4 or 5 inches...but then the temps rose a bit and the rain helped melt the snow.   We are still in the clean up and residual ice from all the snow and rain stage.  But we weathered our first winter storm.

Overall I would say that the week was an ok one. From sick to health.  From 60° to winter storm.   Exercise....no exercise.   Just a total crazy week of opposites!  I didn’t have any great success in my weight loss...but I will say continuing on with the exercise instead of not restarting is a huge victory!!!!

When it’s just not working: quit or adjust

I started to work at my current job about a year and a half ago.   I quickly fell into a couple habits.   Honestly, they were pretty decent habits!  And they were working for me!  But just this morning I realized that one of the habits is no longer working for me!  That means I need to either give it up or alter it!!!  Continuing on with something that is not working is a futile attempt at success!

So let’s talk about some of these habits that I fell into:

The first habit was that I began walking on my 15 minute breaks and on my 30 minute lunch break. When winter hit it was more difficult but I continued on days that were not ‘too cold’ and when it was too cold?  I walked the steps on each break.  Not exactly a complete workout, but it was at least some activity in an environment that has me sitting for hours on end while I do my job.   I feel better when I do this and however small, it’s doing my body some good.    I have admittedly gotten lazy on this one and I need to alter my behavior to get back into this and to stop being lazy.

The next habit I got into was eating a small snack in the morning on the way to work.  This was mainly when I was leaving the house at 6AM and had a two hour commute. When I moved closer to work I just accidentally stopped eating breakfast.  It worked for me and I found that I felt better not struggling to force myself to eat when I was  not really feeling it.  I later found that what I was doing was intermittent fasting.  And it worked for me in terms of my lifestyle.   I am not a sadist.  Ok those days that I can think of nothing other than food in the morning?  I will break from my routine and actually grab a bite to eat.   So this habit stays.

The last habit  is the lunches that contain ‘portable’ foods that I could eat while walking.   Typically this was a piece of fruit and a piece of cheese...easily nibbled on  on while walking.  This is the habit that I’m struggling with.   In the last few months I  found it more and more difficult to be ‘satisfied’ physically and emotionally with this light lunch.  And I often cave and go to the cafeteria.  The other morning while I was packing my lunchbox I had a lightbulb moment.   Two of them really.   The first was that it makes sense that that type of lunch no longer works for me.  I started intermit fastening and I’m breaking my 16 hour fast with that meal and it’s virtually nothing.   Well then.....

The second thing is the memory of lunches I ate when I was losing weight years ago. I still ate a meal that was heavy in fruit and veggies (mostly fruits and veggies) but I always had some kind of  carbohydrate ...or something crunchy...without it I felt dissatisfied.   A lot of the time I ate a Wasa cracker   (Amazon Affiliate Link).  That’s a cracker that is high fiber, low calorie and relatively nutritious...it added the crunch needed. Sooooo...realizing and remembering these two things helped me come to the conclusion that I will be altering my lunches to include a bit more food...I don’t want to be ravenous...or unsatisfied.   Sustainability requires satisfaction!!!

So that is my main change...I will be adjusting how and what I pack for my lunches at work!!!   This weight loss thing is an ever adapting every changing life!  What works today may not work next week...we just have to roll with the punches!

Derailment: knocked off the exercise path

I swear!  Every time I get myself in line something happens to detail me!!!  I did so good last week!  I tracked my food intake.  I woke up early and exercised each morning!  I was hotonthe trail of health!!!  Ok, so I may not have posted a loss on the scales...but I had a maintain and I felt like I was FINALLY back in the right path....and then bammm.....derailed!

By the end of my typical work week I am always exhausted.  So on Friday afternoon when the exhaustion hit I wasn’t too concerned.  I did wonder a bit about the fact that I was crying on my drive home...crying because I was so darn tired!  But I got home and settled in and my tears were gone so I forgot about them.   

On Saturday I took it easy...I just felt ‘off’ but I felt fine.  

But on Sunday it hit! I slept most of the morning....I slept a couple hours in  afternoon.  I felt like I had been drug through the mud.   I’m pretty sure I was running a fever.  I just tried to give my body what it was demanding.

In talking it over, I decided to turn off the early ‘exercise alarm’ for Monday morning.. It just didn’t seem wise to push myself!   So my good habit that I was in the process of building is being put on hold.   There is NOT relief, surprisingly enough.   I’m actually more upset to delay my quest for fitness.

I did stumble around and get my dumbbells ready to add that into my morning workout routine!  

Meanwhile...my baby girl had to go into the bike shop, she wasn’t sick....she was getting an upgrade though.  My one tire was not holding air.  Instead of buying a tube and fixing it, Jason has given me one of my Christmas gifts early...my girl is going tubeless for her tires.  I should get her tonight!!!  I don’t like my pretty girl not being in the bike bedroom!

So a temporary delay in my quest for fitness...but I vow to only let this be temporary....I will not be totally derailed!  And an upgrade of equipment.  I want fitness and I’m still pushing onward, but I have to listen to my body and when your sick...your sick!

Amazing bodies: perseverance and a little sadist all thrown together

A few years ago, when I was running consistently I heard about a little known race.  It was of the endurance variety...so while it was interesting, it wasn’t on my radar of races to train for.  However, it was something that I wanted to hear more about.  I tucked the name of the race in the back of my head and vowed to look into it first chance I got.  What is the name of the race?  The Barkley Marathon.  

It wasn’t until 2016 that I had the opportunity to really learn about the race.   Jason and I were looking for a movie to watch and saw this movie called “The Barkley Marathon: The race that eats its young”.  (Amazon affiliate link) My brain immediately regurgitated the information that ‘hey, this is the race I heard about a year or two ago!’  So we decided to watch it.    I was glued to the screen while we watched...totally intrigued....and the fascination has not gone away!  

In brief....this race is brutal!  The title of the documentary ‘the race that eats its young’ is well named.  It is the mastermind of a man named Laz who apparently  has a wicked sense of humor. (Come on now...entry is based on an essay and a $1.60 entry fee....if you are accepted you get a condolence letter, there is a bugler that plays taps...quite frequently, the race starts with a cigarette lighting, just to name a few quirks.).  The race is held in the mountains of Tennessee and was inspired by a prison escape.  Yes a prison escape. A prison is/was nestled in these rugged mountains in in the late 70’s an inmate escaped.   They caught him 55 hours later....he had made it all of 8 miles in those 55 hours....Laz began to mock the story and said ‘I could make it at least 100 miles’.  And the race was born.  To say that this race is brutal is an understatement.  This race has been held yearly since 1986 and to date there have only been 15 people to ever finish it...and only 18 times someone has completed it! (This discrepancy in the numbers...one person finished it two years and another person finished it three times).  When someone does complete it, Laz makes the course more difficult.  What does the race entail?  5 loops of running/climbing/crawling and sliding your way through the rugged woods...with a 60 total time cut off. (No stopping the clock to sleep...if you sleep it eats into your 60 hours)  Each loop is between 20-30 miles....and the whole race requires just under 70,000 feet of climbing.  Oh did I mention that this course is unguided...you have a map and a compass....and it’s mostly NOT on trails.  Brutal!

I watched that first documentary and I was hooked.  I knew the race was held in March or April, so I started looking for reports of the race .  We had a winner!  And a guy local to me!   I devoured the reports..and the winning runner’s blog.   And I actually got emotional when I heard about the guy who made a navigational mistake that cost him time.....in the last 10-30 minutes of the race....and he came in exactly SIX SECONDS after the time cut off. 

I watched again in March/April of 2018 and saw a few reports....no one was able to complete it.. not one person!  If I’m correct no one even made it to attempt a fourth loop!  Not even the guy that was 6 seconds late the previous year.  

And then the other week I noticed a new documentary that came out. Of course we watched it!   It is called “where Dreams Go To Die”.  It follows one runner as he makes multiple attempts to complete this brutal race. Once again, I was enthralled!

The intrigue in this race is very real and strong for me.   I can’t get enough of it....  My mind circles at the training, perseverance, dedication and fortitude to complete something like that. Ok,not even to complete it...to even attempt it.  Most people are lucky to get one loop done.  It blows my mind!    I have no desire to complete it (although Jason said never say never!) but I just can’t atop contemplating and reading about it!  

I think the thing that gets me the most is the mindset.  What these people display is awe inspiring....and SHOULD  translate into my quest for healthy living....because what they are doing is exactly what I SHOULD be doing.. maybe just  in a slightly smaller and less extreme way.   These people have the uttermost determination. They prepare  for months and push through pain and hardship!  They sacrifice...time and comfort.  They lost sleep to finish workouts...they didn’t indulge in certain foods that were not beneficial to their goals.    They figure out how to make this work within a full schedule of work, life and family!  The finisher from 2017 did so with twin babies and a toddler at home...while working a full time job....he commuted to work every day on his own two feet ..more recently on a bicycle as he was training for an Ironman since his Barkley finish.  (as a side note...his shoe leather express commute is probably faster than my commute in a car in D.C. traffic!!).  The second documentary...he has a wife and young son...he makes it work also. 

So what excuses do I have?  My measley half hour workout in the morning is NOTHING compared to the hours these people spend training.  My aches and pain are nothing when I compare myself to the conditions that these people willingly put themselves through.   Being intrigued and immersed in something like the Barkley Marathons puts my excuses into perspective.  They are null and void!!!!

  

Tough decisions: making, altering and deleting

It is Friday again!  That means I have made it though another week.   It was an interesting week for me!   I actually made some changes and implemented some healthy living plans!  I actually worked on my weight loss efforts!   So let’s get right into my Friday recap!

Work

Like normal, my work week was exhausting!  The days are just long...and I’m using my brain pretty much every second of the day.  This week was maybe even a bit more tiring than normal as I continued training the reps from a different site AND because the discontinuation calls have started to hit us.  Discontinuation calls?   I work for a medication assistance program.  We run various programs to offer assistance for people that can’t afford their medication to gain access.   One of the medications (two actually....very similar uses) are still available on the market but the decision was made to end the assistance program for these medications at the end of the year.   This is a life sustaining medication...so to say that people (patients, doctors, nurses, social workers, anyone really) are upset is an understatement.   So that makes work.....interesting.  It’s also heartbreaking for those of us on the front line as we have to confirm and talk to these people.

Exercise

A while back I made the vow that I would have to sacrifice something to make time to exercise.  I knew I wasn’t sacrificing my time with Jason on any consistent basis...which meant my sleep...I would just have to wake up early and exercise before my shower. Shame on me, I never did it!    And then last weekend I got a friendly nudge to do it.  I decided to do it!  Nothing was going to stop me!  Every workday morning I was getting up early to get in a workout!  So I am proud to say that on Monday morning I woke up early and hopped on the bike trainer!   On Tuesday morning I woke up early and split my time on the bike trainer and the stair stepper.  I realized that the stair stepper gave me a better workout (the bike trainer is a bit louder and I didn’t want to mess up Jason’s sleep OR the people downstairs so I kept it on an easy and more quiet resistance).  Sooo on Wednesday I did most of my time on the stair stepper and then finished up with a few minutes of sit ups on the exercise ball (Amazon Affiliate link) ..a good cool down before my shower!  Thursday was a repeat of the previous day’s workout!  But I was  really dragging on Thursday morning.  Honestly I was dragging by Wednesday night...bad!     I am always really dragging by the end of the week.  Sooo...I am altering my plan.  4 days a week...allowing me a Friday off!  (Or Friday is a make up day if I miss a day earlier in the week). My altered plan really does make sense, to me at least!! It allows my body/muscles a bit of a rest before we break into our weekend plans of hiking or biking. 

You can see my stair stepper thingy on the far left at the bottom and my old Trek bike on the trainer in the middle top of the picture ...and of course the exercise ball!  

So this week I’ve learned a few things....wear shoes on the stair stepper....remember to put my hair in a pony tail....it is possible to do it blind in my little ‘exercise room/area, without glasses....lots of fun lessons.   But I have also come up with a few ideas to pump it up.  I will be going into the storage closet this weekend to grab my weights to add upper body to my stair stepper machine.  I will also be perusing my dvd collection to add in a dvd workout.  So I am full of plans as I alter and adjust this new lifestyle behavior to fit my needs.

Walking on my lunch break???   Well...hey I’ve been waking up early to workout...that’s something...right?  Ok, so walking on my breaks hasn’t gone ‘well’.  In fairness Monday and Tuesday were rainy.  Wednesday was just sheer laziness on my part!!!  On Thursday We had a fire drill at work so I walked down the steps...then walked the steps back to my floor...but otherwise..I’ve been a slug!

Eating

The crazy fact of the week?  While we were on vacation I tracked every bite of food!  There were some high days but I tracked them.   I went back to work and the tracking went away...and I barely tracked anything!   Crazy isn’t it???    This week I picked it back up!  My calories were kept in line...betweeen 1200 and 1400 calories a day!   

I did indulge in a small piece of my homemade fudge here and there...but it was totally accounted for!!!

The hardest part?  I had been doing intermittent fasting ..not eating until 1pm...my lunch break.  It has worked well for me.   Until this week!   About an hour or so after my work out I’ve found myself hungry...and then I think about food all morning long!   I caved one morning and ate breakfast!  (I’m not a sadist...if it isn’t working I’m not doing it!). So I’ve been doing a bit of research...and I’m up in the air about continuing that morning fast.

Weight

Typical week...my weight popped up on Monday....frustratingly so.  It dropped again, a little....and today my weight is a pound up from where I was last Friday!  Grrrrr

So that’s my week.   Some plans for a healthier lifestyle were made.   Some were altered.  Some were deleted....life is going on and I’m slowly going to figure this out!!!!  And it’s going to be something that I can do forever!!!  Sustainable!!!

The Whoosh Effect

I have been lamenting about my weight lately.  I am either NOT losing or I am in this vicious cycle on the scales that is just frustrating.  When it happens it makes me throw up my hands in the air and say "why"?   Why in the world indeed.

Let me recap what the 'vicious cycle' that seems to be perpetuating over and over on the scales.  I will be super active on the weekend and will be feeling confident about my next weigh in.  But on Monday, my weight either stays the same or pops up on the scales. All week long I keep myself in check but the scales are NOT friendly.   And then the weekend arrives and boom....my weight drops.  It has made no sense....Friday nights are usually cheat nights (pizza and wings delivered to our door so our Friday tired-selves can do nothing other than answer the door) but my weight drops.  Isn't it crazy?  

I've tried to combat the cycle.  I've pondered.  I've thought.  I've lamented.  

And then....bright and early one morning a few days ago I was reading blogs and I came across a blog post on 3purplethings that had a link to an article and it ALL MADE SENSE!   

What is this magical answer?  It's called the Whoosh Effect. 

Seriously, I recommend reading the complete article.  However, I know that there are time limitations, so I will recap.    Basically the article starts with the scientific stuff about what happens when we burn fat.....the area that the fat used to be is replaced with water.....and thus you are not showing a loss on the scales when you actually burn the fat because there is water that has filled that void  (I actually knew that after a good workout there is a bit of a water retention issue.)  The weight will eventually drop...when the water is expelled from our bodies.     Furthermore the article clearly says that when you are seeing the weight drop, it is most likely from something that you did a few days/week early because of that water retention thing.  (Ok, this makes sense too...because how many times have I seen a weight loss when I didn't deserve it...but see no weight loss when I really do deserve it?)    Yeah, the article was totally making sense  (Have you gone to read it yet?)   Up until this point, the article was amazing.  But then it actually got better!   The article quoted a study that was completed during WWII...a semi-starvaation diet known as The Minnesota Starvation experiment.   They basically set up a program in which these people were doing hard labor but not eating a whole lot...and should be losing drastic amounts of weight.  After a while, they noticed that the participants would have fluctuating weight all week long..even though they were working hard and eating little. BUT...each week when they gave them a 'cheat meal' (AKA known as a higher caloric meal) that night they noticed these  men went to the bathroom to pee a lot more AND the next day their weight dropped.   Whoosh, the weight was gone.  Somehow for some people that cheat meal triggers that whoosh.   

Can we avoid the whoosh effect?  Nope.  It's just how our bodies work.  However, it is very important to understand that this can be a perfectly normal phenomenon.    Why is it important to know?   Because now that I know and understand that what is happening is perfectly normal, I can stop obsessing about what seems to happen regularly.

Regrouping and the trail of death

Last week was a ROUGH week for me.  I didn't do good with exercise.  I didn't do good with eating.  I didn't do good with anything health related.  I tell you...it was a rough week   I faithfully wrote about it all...that's for sure.    I wrote about my meltdown on the mountain bike trail that occured on Sunday.   I also wrote about my serious contemplation in regards to why I'm even doing this.....and why I continue to write about it and thus sharing my shame.    It was a rough week in regards to my weight loss and healthy lifestyle.

By Friday I was feeling a bit more 'secure' in where I was and what I was doing.  Not quite back in the grove yet and not quite back to making plans and talking about it.  But at least a bit more in control of what I was doing.  Luckily, the weekend came and I had opportunities to think and situations that made me ponder in order to figure out something in terms of a plan. (A loose plan!)

On Friday evening as I was leaving work I received an email from a friend.  She knew about the aforementioned meltdown on the bike trail that occured last weekend.  Her parting words to me before we both logged off our computers was this.  "Get back out on that trail.  You can do it and this weekend you will conquer it.  I believe in you."   Well then......I couldn't back out of the ride now...Julie believed in me!   The rest of Friday was uneventful.  We enjoyed our normal low key evening of relaxation and pizza delivery as we recouped from our hectic work week.

On Saturday morning I hooked up with my friend Shantel for breakfast.  We had a great time talking, laughing, sharing and reminiscing.  I wasn't happy with the selfie that we took about halfway through our time together

My face looks SOOOO fat.  I mentioned it to Shantel and we got to talking about my weight woes.  She works out each morning AND she runs a few miles everyday on her lunch break.  She is a machine.  I lamented about my long 11 hour work days (adding in the commute) and how that doesn't leave much time for exercise.   She readily agreed.   But then I opened my big mouth and mentioned how I had previously contemplated and decided to sacrifice some sleep by waking up early so as to MAKE the time to workout before my normal daily activities began.   I also readily admitted that making a plan to do it and actually DOING it were two different things and I was struggling with the actual follow through of this sacrificial plan.   She looked at me and said "MaryFran, I wake up at 5AM every day and spend about 45 minutes to an hour working out with an exercise DVD".  Well then.....my plan was only 5:30 for a 20-30 minute workout.    I quickly volunteered her to be my accountability partner and to use tough love on me.  So, my plan was Monday morning.....5:30 AM...I'm up and at the very least riding the bike trainer.

On Saturday afternoon I decided to make a graph of my weight loss. I am an old fashioned girl and like things on paper so I can see.   I chose to only put in a monthly weight....and chose the weight closest to the beginning of the month and there are definitely some gaps where I wasn't weighing in (or I just don't have any weights recorded).   Each line represents 5 pounds...so it's not spot on...but it is a true representative of my overall weight loss journey.   It was sobering...but it was also very interesting.  I can identify a major life event with EACH of the big jumps upward in the graph.  I was losing weight...and doing nicely in 2013....and then found out my husband had cheated on me and boom my weight rose. I was losing again and then started the proceedings to the divorce and moved in with my parents...and my mother bakes all the time for some markets that she sells home cooked goods at so desserts readily available ALL.THE.TIME....boom another rise.   I was holding steady and maybe even dropping a bit and then Jason and I both switched jobs which eliminated a lot of our evening walks and we were so tired that the weekends were not as active.  Boom, my weight rose.   It was very interesting to see.

Ok, so what if I made this  graph while sitting on a stool in the kitchen while I watched the candy thermometer in the pan while I made a batch of fudge. (I will be freezing some of it for a quick little treat here and there.)  hey...no judgement on the fudge!  It is only right that I used/tested my new candy thermometer !!  (Amazon Affiliate link!) But regardless of the fudge...the graph really does show my journey and really makes me want to see that big downward curve to the bottom of the graph!!!!   Motivation for sure!!!!!

On Sunday we decided to head back to the trail where last week I had my meltdown   I was filled with lots of fear and trepidation!

  We grabbed the bikes and the first thing we noticed was that my tire was dead flat.   We pumped it up and headed out (the same thing happened last week and I was fine).  A half of an hour later we were at the trailhead and much to our chagrin the tire was partially flat. Again.   Grrr.   We pumped it up and did short forays from the car.  It was probably exactly what I needed....I was tired and my legs were aching....but by not pushing myself to the absolute limit, I was actually able to enjoy the ride!!!    The bike did bite me a bit!!!!  I was climbing a hill...out of the saddle and something happened and I flew off the bike.  Ok not really flew but I did leave the saddle and I did think I was going to go down.    The pedal bite into my leg and I have developed a bruise. 

So now it is 5:47 AM on Monday morning...and where am I might you ask??   I am sitting on my bike...on the bike trainer....spinning those wheels.  I will have 25 minutes on my legs today...before I even shower!    So I’m keeping my plan... you see...on the bike ride yesterday I kept vowing ‘I’m going to fix my issues and make every ride fun...even the long rides...even the hard technical rides.  But I can’t keep doing the same thing and expect different results.  The same thing..which was to be a dig through the week and a weekend warrior with exercise/activity, was NOT working...so to continue on that path was pure insanity.  So this week I’m trying something different! (If only it was light outside, I would run a bit too!)

Change...it’s hard but the efforts will pay off!

Finally: still plodding forward

It’s Friday...finally!  It was an ok week in terms of life.  Pretty standard and typical...work, eat, sleep and lots of driving.  It was a rough week in terms of my health and the new lifestyle that I’m attempting to make a habit.

So my week in review.......

Food

I totally fell apart on Wednesday.  100% fell apart.  I just didn’t care.  I was disgusted with where I am...what I’m doing.  Disgusted with the fact that my calories consumed are not that crazy yet my weight continues to be an issue...meaning I’m not losing.   Within my disgust...the addict in my came out and I ate.   I ate candy...it was halloween!  I had to right?     Wrong!  I didn’t have to...but I did!   On Thursday a felt a bit stronger and did a bit better, but I was still not doing fantastic!!!

Tracking

Who knows my actual calories this week. Because tracking?  I didn’t do it!

Weight

I was looking low last weekend on the scales.  My food was in line over the weekend and I was super active on Sunday.   And then on Monday my weight was super high.  And remained super high all week long.   (Thus the eating meltdown on Wednesday). 

Exercise

I don’t believe I knew what that word meant this week!   None...nada...zilch!   After the rough bike ride on Sunday, I just sat back and coasted. I didn’t even walk at work!

So there you have it...a rather poor showing of a week in the life of a person trying to change her life to be healthy.   The difficult week made me question my purpose...my reason for even trying AND my mission in writing on here.   I’m feeling a bit better...and feeling more ‘love for myself’ which makes me want to get this right and in line....but it’s an ongoing process!!!  But right now I’m just struggling.  The plan is to make it through the weekend....without any binges...without any major food upsets and maybe...just maybe with a victory.  I need a victory!

We shall see......in the meantime...I’m still trying!  I’m not giving up....I’m still writing my shameful embarrassing posts that show lack of success.

But hey...I can’t end it on a bummer like that can I???  So let’s just remember that ...

1. I am still head over heels in love. (And loved  back the same way...which is even more incredible!!)

2.  My cat is healthy and loves me...and she is honestly a hoot...we laugh at her antics daily!

3.  I have a job that supports me (likewise for Jason)...and with that comes the thankfulness for the rood over my head and the food on our table.

4.  Life is still going...I’m still capable of changing and making a difference...in my life and in others!!!

Yup...health wise it was bad...but life IS good.

Giving up: the future

Sometimes I wonder about what I’m really doing in regards to this website/blog.  What is my purpose?  What is my mission?   Why am I here.  Why do I even continue trying to lose weight.

Let me start with the basics.   I struggle.  I struggle big time.  Yet I continue to write.   I feel like I write  and do the same things over and over.  And over.  I make plans....I have excuses.   I have some success...I have failure.  It feels like a repeating cycle.

So why do I continue to write the same things each and every week?  

After a bit of a pause (had to drive to work),  I have come to the conclusion that I write for me.  I continue to write because I am constantly learning and evolving.  I continue to write to chronicle this difficult journey that I have been on for so many years.  I continue to write because it gives me some small sense of accountability.

Why do I continue to try to lose weight when I am so obviously in a vicious cycle of small success then failure..success then failure?

I continue to push forward because I want to be healthy.  I push forward because I want to live to be an old woman with Jason....and in a healthy manner.   I continue to try because I want to buy cool clothes.  I continue to plot and plan because I want to be fit and active.

It is hard.   So many people stop writing when things get into this vicious cycle.  But I’m going to continue on.   I have big reasons to lose weight.  If I keep writing I will keep learning and keep evolving.   If I keep on, eventually this will all click and I’ll be victorious once again.

Mountain bike failure: cardio catastrophe

We had a nice weekend.  We managed to get some relaxation and some activity in.   The activity however...well...it went kind of  poorly!   Let’s start at the beginning.    It was rainy on Saturday so we ran our errands and hit up he movie theater (we saw “Halloween”...it was pretty good.). . It was a good day.   We relaxed and enjoyed each other’s company.  Sunday was clear...so we decided to go biking!

We headed out for the same place that we had hiked at last weekend    (That was the purpose of last Sunday’s hike...to reconnoiter.). It was even prettier this week...we explored further down the trail.  But alas I didn’t take pictures of the scenery this weekend!

It was (is) a great trail, very flowy.  And yes flowy is the proper mountain bike term!  A flowy or flow trail is one that....well...it flows.   It isn’t very rocky or full of exposed tree roots.  It isn’t very steep and instead more gently rolling hills.    As we rode along I actually talked to Jason and mentioned that this trail was perfect for me.  The hills were rolling which pushed me to the edge of my physical limitations and the trail had just enough rocks and tree roots to push me to the edge of my technical/skill limitations.   I was feeling GREAT!

We rode on!   We were about an hour into our ride when it happened.  It?   Did I wreck?   Nope!   I hit a wall in my limitations.  Oh boy did I hit a wall!   I found myself unable to breath.  I got off the bike and stood there...trying to catch my breath...but the dizziness was rolling over me.   I sat down beside the trail.  Wow!  It took me a while to recover!

I did recover....or so I thought.  We travelled on....assuming that the person that talked to us the previous week was correct and that this was a big loop!  But I had this gnawing fear that this was an out and back.

And then it hit me again!   I found myself once again sitting beside the trail trying to recover.  I was half crying and miserable!  

Yes I did have a helmet...it was just off my head while I rested.   I recovered and got back on that bike.  But that gnawing fear had grown....seriously if this was an out and back trail, I was in trouble because I was already well past shot!   We rode a big further and ended up seeing two other bikers.   We asked them about the trail....it was not really a loop. They showed us the map.   They advised that wecould make it a loop only if we rode on the road for about 3 miles...a busy, no shoulder, narrow road....about 3-4 miles further down the trail and navigated a very steep ascent to get to the road...a one mile side trail.  They advised that most bikers made it an out and back ride and that’s what we decided to do.  Yes, we actually continued on to complete the trail.

I made it to 2 miles from the end of the trail....and I knew there was NO way this was going to happen. I was already completely wiped out and I still had the complete return trip!   We turned around.   The return trip was brutal for me.  I ended up doing a combination bike/hike.  I would walk a whilethen hop onto my bike and ride a bit before I would end up getting back off and walking....repeated over and over.   Yes, I am ashamed to admit I walked a  part of that trail!!! (Ok I walked maybe 1/4 of it).  

We eventually made it back to the car...what a lovely sight!!!    I was in tears at the horrible ride that I had just had.

I was fine though and we headed to the car wash to give the girls a bath.

My legs were sore and tired.   But it wasn’t my legs that made the ride horrid. (Well they contributed.)   My cardio capabilities is where my problem was!   My meltdown was due to my lack of cardio conditioning.  This has GOT to change! I realized this during vacation while we hiked with bears.  But I didn’t realize how bad it really was, until today.

That trail chewed me up and spit me out this past weekend.  But I WILL be back.   I will make it to where I turned around and I will do it without sitting on the edge of the trail multiple times before getting there .  I will also make it without tears!   I will make it back to the car with less walking too!!!  And eventually I will make it to the end of that trail!  I will also eventually be able to make a complete out and back ride without getting off my bike to sit on the side of the trail or even walk any portion!   Before this is over I will conquer that trail!!!!

All in all I rode about  a two and and a half hours. I walked probably a half hour. (Rough estimates because I wasn’t exactly watching the clock when I got off to walk segments...or when I got back on to ride.). We were out 2.5 to 3 hours.   And regardless of whether I was riding or biking....I was active...so while the ride was a colossal failure...it was an an exercise victory!

Friday Fun Facts:

It’s Friday!!!  One would think that after a full week of vacation that I wouldn’t be sooo ready for the weekend.  Right?   Nope!  I’m ready for the weekend, probably even more ready than normal!  So not my normal chit chatty post...more a bullet point ‘let’s get caught up’ post.

Week in review

The week went by at a pretty swift pace...thank heavens! I was worried about it since it was the first week back after vacation.   I spent quite a bit of my time training my counterparts at our site in Indiana....while I remained in Maryland. (Challenging) .  But that also helped make it go fast!    But the long 11 hour days again took their toll and I’m running on fumes at this point!  We have a couple plans and thoughts for the weekend...and of course lots of sleeping in and if history proves correct maybe even a nap or two!

Victory for the week

The victory for this week was my eating!  I was able to pull it under control pretty well!  I didn’t let the one bad week of vacation eating turn into the new norm!  I may have roamed the kitchen one or two nights looking for a sweet treat but I did not cave!!   Furthermore, we had lots of fruits and veggies this week....they tasted delicious!

Failure for the week

Ok, there were actually 2 failures.

1.  Exercise.  I did not sacrifice my time to exercise more. I got no exercise!!!  Furthermore, I didn’t even walk on my lunch or breaks!  (One day I did....but that means the rest of the week I didn’t!)

2. I totally failed at tracking this week!   I tracked the whole way through vacation and somehow fell apart this week!  Ok...I only missed the last two days (and I will probably go back and put in what I ate)...but that’s a bad slip up for me....tracking is instrumental for my success!!

Weight

I am happy to say that after a week at home,l that my weight has regulated to exactly what it was the week before I went on vacation.   I’m pretty happy with that!!!!!!!  And as of Saturday it was actually one pound lower than it was the day before vacation commenced!  So I recouped AND lost!!!!

Plans

I am planning on having one night this weekend with a sweet treat (maybe two) and of course Friday nights are pizza and wings night for us (we are so wiped out by Friday night that it’s the relax night...). and then I’m back to healthy eating.   I’m hoping to get the exercise stuff started this upcoming week!    But regardless, I’m happy with whee I’m at and I plan on continuing and letting this weight slowly melt away.

All in all this was a pretty ok week for me...a little bummer to be back to work, but I think I did pretty good with my quest for a healthy life!!!

The fallout: return from vacation

Three days into my work week. Let me tell you it was hard to come back after a week off. But I must work.    But being Wednesday, it also means I am three days into my return to healthy eating and A healthier lifestyle.

It’s no secret that I ate very poorly over my vacation. I had dessert of some sort each and every night. I thoroughly enjoyed it also!!!    I also vowed that when vacation was over the poor eating habits were ending.

Yes, I know that in some regards, going  crazy (if that’s what you call having dessert every day) for a week is not good. However, how often do we go on vacation? Once a year???  And for me in the last couple years it’s been even longer. I have been preaching for the last couple months about how I want to live my life… In a sustainable way… But remain healthy. For me, at this phase in my life,  indulging on a vacation was well within the boundaries that I have set up for myself. I expected a small gain. I also know that it’s stopped now that vacation is over.

It’s Wednesday, vacation ended Sunday night. How did I do?

Let’s backtrack to Sunday night, my last night of vacation food and eating. I did eat a piece of cake. I also ate two Reesie‘s cup that day. (I should be awarded a medal, I only ate 2 cups out of the king size  package.) When we were done with the cake that evening, there was still a small piece left on the cake plate. Now is where the major decision making time came upon me......I had a major decision to make. If I wasn’t eating cake through the week, what do I do with that piece of cake?  I made my decision, pretty quickly also. I scraped that piece of cake right into the garbage can. Yes, I did… It amazed me too!  By the time I went to bed on Saturday night, there were no sweet treats left in the house. Step one of keeping my vow had been completed.

On Monday evening, I planned a healthy dinner for us. It wasn’t lasen in grease or butter. It had lots of vegetables. We both enjoyed the healthy home-cooked meal. (I had only made one or two dinners the whole time we were gone… It was all eating out.) after dinner, I found myself in the kitchen wondering aimlessly. It was rather odd. But eventually  I realized what was happening. My body was subconsciously looking four that sweet sugary treat. I had gotten  rid of everything the night before (thank heavens), so there was nothing to eat. I could have easily made something, But I did not. I had a banana… It tasted delicious.

On Tuesday we also had a nice healthy balanced meal with lots of vegetables.  And I avoided any sweet treat!   

I’m not giving up the sweet sugary delight or dessert. I still plan on indulging a bit on the weekends. I’m sure when my next vacation rolls around I will probably also indulge. This is all about  finding that balance in my life.

So how was my weight affected? That is a loaded question. I will also say that we were very active during our vacation. We hiked. We biked. We walked. Sadly, I do not have the exact weight results. Yes, I weigh myself every day. However, a few days before my vacation started my scales went on the fritz. They just needed batteries… But of course I didn’t have that size. So I have to go with what my weight was a few days before vacation started.  I know what my weight is the first day after vacation. I gained 3 - 4 pounds. Now let me also backtrack and say that I did horrible with drinking water the first half of vacation. The second half of vacation, not so good. On Sunday I don’t even think I finished a full bottle of water. No water equals dehydration which conveys to weight gain on the scales. Couple that with the monthly ick ....Which also usually equals a pound or two on the scales. I’m pretty darn happy with the three or four pounds. Sure, I would love to have lost or even maintained. But in the grand scheme of things, with those other two factors… 3 pounds is good. And I’m drinking my water like crazy to get back to where I need to be.  So as of Wednesday morning I’m only one pound up!  Not bad!!!!

Now to just make it to the weekend so I can relax, this working stuff is no fun!!!

Vacation: the end

We had decided to split our 9 day vacation into three segments.  That decision proved to be an awesome one for us.   You can  read and see pictures from the first sections in the following links! We started off at the beach and had a wonderful time!   It was really hard to leave the beach and that is the only regret...that we didn’t take an extra day there (mostly because Jason was fighting some illness for the first two days there and he didn’t get to thoroughly enjoy it!).   After one night at home we drove to the mountains and spent some time hiking and enjoying the beauty of the Appalachian Mountains.   We were home by Wednesday evening late and ready to start in on the final phase of vacation.....relaxation!!!

We didn’t break down into total relaxation.  We still did some walking...quite a bit on Thursday actually.   We went out geocaching to a park that has something like 20 caches hidden...so we hiked all the trails to get to them!  Netted around 5 miles of walking and some cool pics that day!

We also took a day to do all the normal errands to prepare to return to work.  Stuff like groceries and other adult responsibilities.

We watched a lot of movies at home...and even hit up the movie theater...twice.  We carved pumpkins and enjoyed each other’s company.  We relaxed and just tried to recharge our batteries.

 

But alas....the vacation had to end.  The last day of vacation was a bummer for me.  I felt like I had been hit by a train!   I think it was part depression that the end of vacation had arrived...but I was also fighting off whatever Jason had been struggling with earlier!   Yeah, I slept quite a bit of the last day of vacation away!  Literally!   We did get out and hiked for about 3  short miles before I was completely wiped out!

But like I said...vacation ended!

With the end brings a new beginning.  I’m NOT looking forward to returning to work.  However I AM excited about getting back into the swing of things and actually losing weight.  (I am ending my vacation one pound higher than I was at the doctor’s office last month...which isn’t bad because it’s the monthly ick water retention AND I know I’m dehydrated from not drinking enough water!!) We have both vowed that our diets and our activity levels will be different upon returning to ‘normal’ life.  The food plans are in place. Now I just need to get the activity routine going!  The activity was to start today..Monday...but with how I felt yesterday I felt it wise to sleep as long as possible this Monday morning.  But activity will soon commence!!!

Vacation part two: the mountains

We had decided to break down our vacation into three segments...beach, mountains and home.  The beach segment  flew by in a flash!  It was fun...but over. We went home for one night repacked our bags with fresh clothes and our hiking boots and in the morning headed off for the next segment....the mountains!

The weather was cool.  The mountains were gorgeous and we enjoyed the drive down to Front Royal.   Jason was having his first day of actually feeling ‘well’.  We contemplated a hike...but knew that the planned hike for the next day would be more strenuous, so we decided to take it easy.   We roamed around the town in the shadow of the mountains that we love so much.  We picked up some geocaches....hit up a few local shops and just had a relaxing day.  The photography bug has been rekindled and I played around with my good camera a bit....nothing fancy, but some.....

After we checked into our hotel,  we spent the evening  watching movies.  (

Hiking day arrived.  The air was crisp.  The leaves on the trees...still pretty green but we still had a vague hope that the top of the mountain would reveal some fall colors.  Truth be known, when I awoke...I was worried about the hike.   Really worried!  I knew I wasn’t in any shape for a strenuous hike.  But I vowed to push through, suck it up and just do it!

Jason at one point mentioned being a little worried about a strenuous hike (like the one we wanted to do).  Together we decided to tone it down and do a trail that was labelled as 'moderate' versus the 'strenuous' one that we had originally planned on doing.

We laced up our hiking boots and off we went!

We got to the trail head and checked out the overlook at the trailhead.

 Then started off.   Very early on I rounded a bend and boom....5 feet away from three bears.  (A mamma and two cubs).  We quickly retreated a somewhat safe distance away and we both grabbed a few pictures.  (no....sadly enough I didn't have my good camera with me.....I had a hydration pack...not my camera pack).

We enjoyed the bear sighting for a few minutes and then went onward with our hike (eyes peeled for more bears).

We made it to the top....and enjoyed that overlook before we continued on to complete our hike.

Now let me backtrack and say that the trail we chose to do was one that we had done a few years ago. I remembered the trail as relatively easy!   Uhhhhh what a difference a few years and a drop in fitness level makes!  This trail beat us up this time!  It was CRAZY!   But we did it!!!  We felt fabulously beat when we were done...but we were happy with our hike!

We drove home and enjoyed a home cooked dinner and some relaxation!   The rest of the vacation is relaxing...maybe a movie or two at the theater....some errands....maybe a bike ride....maybe a hike....just roll with some heavy relaxing times!  

Take away from this segment of vacation.......well it is still my fitness level that is first and foremost.  But it was very obvious that my cardio endurance has suffered.  My legs were sore by the END of the hike...but for most of the hike (mostly climbing) my legs felt great.  (My feet at the end were the worst).  It was the cardio that slowed me down.  I was huffing and puffing like mad!!!!  

beach segment

Vacation Part One: The Beach

Welcome to the vacation recap...part one!   We had originally planned to spend the whole week down at the beach...the outer banks.   It circumstances changed (clean up from a hurricane that hit the Outer Banks) and we decided to spend a few days at a different beach.....day or two in the mountains....maybe visit to a Halloween attraction (field of screams) and then a few days of recouping at home.  (Recouping and preparing to go back to the grind of every day life.)

So here is  Vacation part one: The beach

 Saturday...day one

We woke up relatively early and headed out to the beach.  It is about a three hour drive and we wanted to try to garner as much time at the beach as possible.  As we drove along the roads I was quietly contemplating the weather...overcast and rain.  Yuck!  I kept telling myself that the forecast was for sun in the afternoon!   We arrived at the ocean and the sun was shinning...but it was cold!   Where had the 85° days earlier in the week gone!  It was  only in the 50’s maybe low 60’s!  No worries...we like off season at the beaches just wear sweatshirts!  (Less crowds) And while we wouldn’t have been adverse to a swim in the ocean had the temps been conducive, we were not at the ocean for a dip in the water...well maybe just my toes at some point!!  We parked at our hotel at 11:00 but couldn’t check in yet as check in wasn’t until 4pm.  We had our bikes and there was no way we were leaving them on top of the car unattended...so the bikes came off the car and we headed off to explore Ocean City on our bikes.  Up and down the boardwalk we road.  We also road on the streets.  For over four  hours we road!! (Oh we stopped for a single slice of pizza from a boardwalk vender which we ate standing by our bikes). I hadn’t  ridden in weeks and my butt was starting to feel it for sure!!!  My legs not so much while riding!  We did stroll with our bikes down to the water for a few minutes.

  Finally at about 3 we went back to the hotel because they had advised that we might be able to check in sometime after 2pm.   Voila!  We were good to check in!!  We unloaded the car and relaxed on our balcony.  We may have even taken a wee nap!  What woke us up from our nap?  The loud revving of engines...and it sounded like it was coming from the ocean.   We headed out onto the balcony and by golly...it was indeed coming from the ocean...the ocean side of things. We had known that  there was a corvette show in Ocean City this weekend (we had seen parking lots full of vettes while we were out riding).  But apparently they were doing a parade of vettes down the boardwalk!  We watched for about 45 minutes  from our balcony.

Time was ticking (we knew our dinner option was likely to close early) so we cut our viewing from the balcony short and grabbed our bikes.  Down the boardwalk we went...and thus viewed the vette parade up close and personal. As in we were right beside it!  We grabbed pit beef sandwiches and biked back to our hotel to have dinner! (Just for the record...the ride to buy dinner was about 2 miles there and 2 miles back so four miles of riding just to get dinner!).  We got ‘home’ and stayed in our hotel the rest of the night....spending lots of time on the balcony watching the sunset!!!!

 We were in bed early as we were tired and Jason was fighting a cold!

Day two

We had slept with the sliding glass door open and the heat cranked! (Both nights actually!)  It was fabulous sleeping!  I woke about 6AM and listened to the pounding surf and waited for sunrise.  At about 6:40 when the skies started to slowly pink up, I headed outside, wrapped in a blanket and watched the sunrise.  

It was neat as I tried to get a picture of the different stages and colors of the sunrise!  We relaxed a bit in our room in the morning.   My legs were so stiff and sore and Jason was still fighting off the cold and feeling a bit rough and ragged.  But eventually we made our way out...on foot today.  (My butt may have been a bit tender from all that time in the saddle the day before!) Being  on foot and not having to worry about the security of our bikes afforded us the opportunity to shop!   We explored the many shops on and around the boardwalk...for hours!   We grabbed a lunch of Thrashers boardwalk fries....and a donut from the Fractured Prune donut shop.   Then we kept walking!!!  Jason found a pair of shoes that he has been wanting to find for 2 years (I kid you not...every time we go into a mall or any shopping expedition he looks for a certain shoe and a certain color.  He can usually find the color but not the style...or the style and not the color..). We walked into a shop and saw the exact shoe he wanted.  We both commented that they probably wouldn’t have his size...but they did!!!  AND while he was trying them on...the guy was like ‘end of season, I can knock 25% off of them !!!  Sold!  (We would have purchased them  at full price but a discount is even better!   I also bought a pair of shoes..but mine were 50% off!  Laden down with purchases we headed back to our hotel.  Ok, ok ok..we had also  purchased two big buckets of fishers popcorn (Amazon Affiliate link...because why yes...you can order a beach boardwalk treat delivered right to your house!!!), some chocolate covered strawberries for me and a caramel apple for him.   We walked a bit more later in the day after another much deserved vacation nap...but we were still wiped out!  Plus...I had somehow picked up a blister...most likely from a grain of sand between my toes...from when I took off my socks and shoes and waded into the ocean!   We spent time on the balcony overlooking the ocean and enjoyed the playful ‘show’ that the dolphins were giving!  Food...way too much.  But so tasty!!!  

Day three

It was raining!!!!  Boooooo!!!  We spent most of the morning on the balcony talking and enjoying the beach views, sounds and smells.  Jason was feeling better, thank heavens!!    We had to check out of our hotel at 11 (we were so tempted to stay another night...but the rain deterred us....and the fact that we had other plans upcoming).  We hopped in the car and explored a bit further up the shoreline.  We spent some time in Delaware.  The sun actually came out for an hour or two...so we enjoyed the beaches and roads up there before heading home.  Sorry...only one pic was taken on this day...so you will just have to look at our sappy lovey dovey  picture!!! 

The trip home good FOREVER.  We knew to try to avoid rush hour...seriously, we drive it every day...we know!  But a small detour and a few extra stops and we found ourselves smack dab in the middle of rush hour...grrr!  Oh well...we were still together and we did make it home safe and sound!

Mertz, the cat was happy to see us!  We threw clothes in the wash...ordered dinner out...watched a little tv and I was out cold asleep early!    

Take away from this portion of our vacation?   Since we decided to go to Maine next year for our vacation I have said I need to be in shape to really be able to fully experience and enjoy that vacation.....these few days of more than normal physical activity at the beach emphasized how much I do need to be in better shape before that week!!!  No time for sore muscles that week!!!!

Achieving greatness: it can be achieved with one word

But how can I?  How many times do we utter that s entence when we are talking about changing our life?   We get comfortable in our lives and when faced with the need for change we just don’t have a single clue how in the world we will ever enact that change.  How can I?  How can I find the time?  How can I do that with the terrible arthritis in my knees?  How can I when I don’t have a membership?  How can I when I weigh so much?

It’s been no secret of late that I am unhappy with my fitness level.  Ok, so maybe I’ve been rambling on and on about it...just a wee bit!   It’s seriously been on my mind a lot!  It came up in a conversation at work the other day.   A gal that sits near me who loves to exercise and I were talking.  I shared my struggle.  I talked about my long days...how I leave my house at 7AM and don’t get home until 6PM (if I’m lucky) and how that doesn’t leave a lot of time for exercise in the evening. I mentioned how I hesitate to get home at 6 and break into exercise because I would never have a moment to relax.  I would literally get home, exercise, shower, cook dinner, eat, clean up and then I would be within a half hour or so of the time that I crash and head to bed.  Is that truly sustainable?  For me no.  I want a healthy life and a healthy body...but even more I want a healthy relationship with Jason and we honestly treasure that time we have together each evening. I mentioned to my coworker that I’ve thought about waking up 30 minutes earlier each morning to  at least get a 20 -25 minute run in the books..or a 20 minute ride on the bike trainer.   But in this conversation I whined, “but that’s early”.  (Yes, I really did whine!)

And that is when she said one word that puts it all into perspective and reminded me on how to achieve greatness and success.

Sacrifice

Oh yes...’if you want something bad enough, you will sacrifice something in order to achieve it’. For me and my fitness level it’s the sacrifice of time that has to be made.   My week days are full and I honestly like my routine (well...I don’t like the long commute that makes my day so long...but that’s just how life is...I need to work to pay the bills so that one is kinda non-negotiable at the moment).  But if I want to achieve greatness and reclaim the level of fitness that I had achieved a few years ago I need to sacrifice something in my schedule.  

What to sacrifice?  My mind was in a whirl for a few minutes as I pondered.  But I didn’t have to ponder long.  I will definitely NOT be sacrificing my evening time with Jason on a consistent basis!   Just not happening.  We need that hour or so each evening after the evening/post work activities of life (cooking, showers, etc) is over to reconnect and recharge not only our batteries but to help keep our relationship strong.  That time also doubles as our ‘relax after a long day’ time...which is equally as important.   I’m lucky in the fact that sometimes we do go out for a bike ride or a walk in the evening as part of our time together.  But I still need to figure out a consistent long term solution.  It leaves one thing.....waking up earlier.

If I’m going to be so adamant about not consistently infringing upon my time with Jason them I have to sacrifice in another area.  Waking up earlier!   And if truth be known, I am usually awake earlier than the alarm anyway.   I play on my phone, write blog posts (yup...this was written at 5:30 AM on my phone), read blogs and respond to blogs.    So it’s not really a complete stretch to actually remove myself from the bed and do something active.  I will just need to sacrifice my personal quiet time in the morning!

So....decision is made.   I want to achieve greatness....I am ready to sacrifice in order to achieve it!!!