I was Toast

Monday...what a dreaded word!  The weekends always go by so fast!  But hey, it is fun!   I got some activity in, I had my official  weekly weigh in, and I clearly started thinking about my progress in terms of goals!

Weigh In and Goals

I had my official weigh in on Saturday morning.  I reached my new decade goal!!!  I dropped into the next lower ten pound range!  I was 249.2 on Saturday my official weigh in day!  (It was 247.8 after my run that morning but I’m not counting that.  I was just tickled to see that number!) .  It made me realize that I have been operating with no short term goals...so I’m focusing on 10 pound increments....a decade.   I’m gunning now for the next decade.  That will be a biggie too!  Why?  That will put me back at the weight that I was when I met Jason!    (I was right at 238-239 when I met Jason).  The following ‘decade’  after that (when I manage to reach  the upper 220’s, will be neat because it will be back to the lowest Jason has ever seen me!    But then the fun will  really begin...I will be able to reveal a new body to Jason with each pound I drop!!!    He doesn’t care about my weight and actually likes a ‘chunkier woman’ ...which is good because I will never be a string bean....but it will be fun to lose and show off.  (Some new lingerie in my future maybe?  Hahaha. Ok TMI). So yes I have some definite goals...so pound increments!    

Food

I ate my dinner on Friday.  I know that Friday dinners are usually a bit higher in calories.   (Which is kinda crazy when I think that I use my Saturday weigh in as my official one!)   I had planned my whole day of eating accordingly because I knew that dinner would probably be a bit higher.  I ate my dinner and then sat there and berated myself for ordering the cookie AND eating it!  (We ordered delivery from Jimmy John’s.). I grudgingly picked up my phone to enter in my calories into the  myfitnesspal app.  Much to my surprise, I was still within my caloric goal range.  Sure, it was at the high end, but I was in range!   Even knowing that, I waged a war in my mind.  One minute I (the devilish mini me voice) would tell myself that “You  are so stupid!  You shouldn’t have eaten the cookie, You would have been down at the low end of your calories and thereby maybe would lose more weight.  You have messed it up!”  But then the calm sane voice of reason (man, I need to name that voice since I have the devilish voice named....hmmm) took over and I told myself, “Maryfran you are within the caloric range.  That is a victory and an added bonus for your indulge/delivery meal night.  You are not sitting there feeling stuffed and sick after overeating.  In fact, you feel satisfied...emotionally and physically.   You won that round.  You managed to ‘live’ within the constraints of a healthy eating plan.”   Yeah...back and forth the battle in my mind was waged.  But ultimately it was done, the food already eaten so nothing could be changed!  The only thing I COULD do was to not listen to the evil mini me and chalk it up as a failure and thereby head to the kitchen for more snacks/food since my day was ‘ruined anyway’.  I listened to the sane voice and settled in for a Friday night relaxation fest, satisfied with myself!  

Saturday eating was spot on!  My calories were at the low end of the range and I was pretty much satisfied all day long!  Sunday a bit higher, but I should actually be ok...better than ok!

Exercise

Saturday morning I didn’t let myself talk myself out of it!  It?  It was a morning run!  No matter the state of my buttock boil that I talked about the other day, I was going.  I got dressed and wore no underwear to eliminate  any excess rub the keister issue (I am not the commando type of girl, and actually had a really bad experience exercising with no underwear once, seriously read it...it was bad!!). and I headed out for a run!  I didn’t go far and I didn’t go fast.  But I went!  

Post Run Selfie

I came home and relaxed a bit before heading out to grocery shop and run a few errands. I came home and did some chores around the house.  Shortly thereafter we headed out with our bikes to go for a ride.  My legs were tired and achy when we were done!

I can count 14 turtles on the log!

It wasn’t a fabulous ride because of that.  I don’t know if it was the combination of the run in the morning combined with the ride or if it was the concrete floors from two hours in various stores. . (I have noticed that my knee doesn’t far well when we are shopping...my knee can be relatively pain free for days...or at least manageable but when we shop it flares up!). I know my legs were tired after my run but my knee didn’t hurt until shopping.  Oh well!   Lots of steps for the day and a bike ride!  Nice and active!!! Go me!!!

Sunday was as equally active!  We headed out for a few hours on our bikes!

And then just because, we went out for a short hike!  We got home and my words were, “I am TOAST!”  I was so tired  I was so achy.  My knees hurt, my muscles hurt, I was so tired!  (OK, and I was sunburnt also, so toasty that way too!)

Boil update

I still have this boil on my butt.  (Or a small cyst, which is more likely, but it is more fun to call it a boil!). I have been pretty good about hot compressing it and it has reduced in size! It was fine this weekend as I went commando, thereby eliminating quite a bit of the rubbing and friction that I normally get from my underwear (the leg of the underwear rubs right where the boil is located).  The bike wasn’t too bad (obviously not since I managed two significant rides this weekend).    So that is being managed and slowly healing.  I just didn’t let it stop me!  I’m just thankful it isn’t a carbuncle....an area with a group of boils...that would be especially bad!!!  (And my word of the weekend...I learned what a carbuncle really was, I had always known the word but never the definition!). And don’t worry, I will spare you pictures of my butt boil!

All in all it was a great weekend. Active, productive and still plenty of time to relax and chill!   It’s Monday now and the knee that has been most recently giving me trouble is throbbing a bit. I will definitely keep an eye on it....but I’m pushing forward to better things.   The pain comes from excess weight and disused am sure.  Time and effort will eradicate it!!!

Slaying the beast...day three

Here we go!  Halfway through the week!  Lets get this show on the road and make it to the weekend!   I will say that I am looking forward to the weekend!  Sadly, it is just a normal short weekend and not a longer one like last weekend.  But that’s ok.  The weather is supposed to be FANTASTIC and we have some ideas of how to utilize that fantastic weather. (Amidst the normal errands and chores!)

It is day three of the new month.  I came home all fired up to absolutely slay the beast of obesity this month and show a victory.  (Or at least make positive inroads to slayong the beast, because it will take me multiple months!).  I vowed to hit the month hard from day one.   I had plans!

I have not hit it as hard as I would have liked.  BUT, I have not gone on a binge or anything. 

Exercise…..this one has not started off strong.  I did NOT walk on my lunch break.  I also did NOT walk or run or ride my bike after work like I had planned to do (my mind comes up with all sorts of fantastic plans for activities!)    It was cold!   That kept me from my lunch walks.  It also made me get home and just curl up under a blanket (ok maybe it wasn’t that cold) and stay inside.     The weather is turning though and it is supposed to be in the mid 60’s at lunchtime today.  I am heading out!   It should also still be pretty nice when I get home.  I PLAN to get out after work tonight.  A walk?  A bike ride?  A run?  I don’t know what yet.  Some of that will depend on Jason.  If he wants to ride or go for a walk that will be the activity I do.  If not, I am VOWING to run!     With no lunch time or after work walks, my step count for the first two days is woefully lacking.  And yes, I am so embarrassed to admit that my goal for the month is only 150,000 steps…that is ONLY 5000 steps a day.  Even more embarrassing is the fact that I am so sedentary at this point that getting 5K steps a day is a stretch.  I am currently running 3500 steps behind after the first two days.    But with nicer weather  I should be able to catch up quickly!

Eating……I haven’t done too badly on this one.  I have remained within my goal range for my caloric intake (I aim for between 1200 and 1550 a day).  I have been closer to the top end of the range both days, but I’m ok with that.  I know that I need to work on getting my calories toward the lower end at least a few days a week.  But in the meantime, I’m happy with where I’m at.

Water Intake…….I did fabulously over the weekend.  I have struggled these first two days of the month.  Today is the day to change that also!  

Weight…..My weight isn’t too bad.  I was happy with where I was at the beginning of the month (in comparision to where I was mid month in March).   My weight has shifted up a bit the last two days.  That however could be also caused by the lack of water consumption.  I have woke up both of the last two days thirsty…which is historically not a good sign for my weight.

April is here……It is time to slay this weight and get my life…my healthy living life back on track!  Next time I’m at the beach I am going to be fit!!!  But for now I will treasure the memories of this last trip!!!

A Forever Lifestyle

Here we are, another Friday….my work week is almost done.  I am so looking forward to the weekend (do I sound like a broken record?).   The week has flown by and the weekend promises to fly by even faster.  (Why do weekends disappear so quickly?).  Anyway, I figured that it was the perfect time to do a check in and to see where I am at.

First let me say that I have been a goddess in the kitchen this week.  Ok, well…maybe not a goddess….but I have experimented quite a bit.  We eat at home almost every night except Fridays.  Fridays the kitchen is CLOSED…it is delivery night!  But that means that I cook a fair amount.   But this week I turned up the burners and really exerted myself on some new recipes.  On Wednesday night I made a Hamburger Casserole.  It was Italian in nature with Italian seasonings, hamburger, cheese and egg noodles. (The recipe didn’t call for it but I added a hogs load of garlic and hot pepper flakes!).   It was a winner; however we have both discussed one or two tweaks that would make it over the top delicious.  Chalk up a win for me!   On Tuesday night  I made a Turkey Rice dish.  It sounded good on paper.  I even doubled the garlic (hey, we like garlic so I almost always double the garlic in a recipe).  Yet the dish was BLAND BLAND BLAND!   It was edible…but we resorted to various techniques to make it something that we wanted to eat (I utilized a bottle of honey mustard….Jason utilized a bottle of hot sauce.) fail!! On Monday night I finally used the spiralizer that my mom gave me a month or two ago.  I made zucchini noodles and served that with garlic steak bites.  This was DELICIOUS!  It will definitely be on the meal rotation again …and soon!

My eating has been pretty spot on.  I’ve been doing really well.  I’ve been down at the low end of my calorie goal range most days.  It’s been hard for sure and  the after work snack has been a problem spot for me. (This problem is not new.....as evidenced in this previous post !).   But I’m managing regardless! 

On Thursday I packed my lunch.  It was a typical lunch, mostly fruits and some protein.  All morning I debated with myself.  I debated the merit of not eating my lunch and going to the cafeteria instead.  I debated eating my fruit and going to the cafeteria anyway.  I went back and forth!  It was a brutal battle in my mind!    I didn’t go to the cafeteria.  However, I did pull out the Reece’s Pieces that I have in my desk drawer.  I have been SO good about them.  I literally count out a portion on my napkin and put the container away (out of sight, out of mind) and I nibble on my 10-16 pieces all afternoon.  (How many pieces have been dependent on how many calories I have available in my day’s food budget.)  I eat them one at a time….SLOWLY.  I have done this every day this week and have been victorious....until yesterday.  I was so victorious over the cafeteria debate that I decided to pull out the Reece’s for a few nibbles during my afternoon.  SOMEHOW, in my celebratory haze over my cafeteria victory I sat the open container in front of me instead of counting out my portion.  I BROKE MY OWN RULE!  I failed miserably! Yes, I ate every last one that was left!  I ate probably about 30-40 …..much more than I normally eat!  Oops….Still equal to or less than a full serving (51 pieces is apparently a serving size)…but too many for me!    What’s worse?  I have no more for Friday.  It was really working to ration them out and have a bit each day.  Oh well…today I suffer! I will NOT buy more!!!

I have been able to walk most days.  The rain held me up on Thursday.  There was also one day that I just felt chilled to the bone and couldn’t see myself going out into the cold blustery day and walking in 40 degrees temps.  But I’m doing it!

 

My weight is slowly dropping.  SOOOO slowly!  I want fast!  I want speedy!  But that’s not how it is working for me.  And you know what?  That’s ok.  I haven’t given up anything I love.  Afterall, I was nibbling on Reece’s Pieces all week long.   I’m managing.  I’m making this work and not feeling deprived.  I’m LIVING LIFE in a healthy way!  And slow is ok.  Slow will still get me where I want to go.  Slow will give me a chance to LEARN and the more I learn, the better the odds that I can make this a ‘forever’ lifestyle. 

 

Did I smmmmmaash the pattern: yo-yo weight

The weekend has ended.  I sit here almost ready to head to work to start this new week!   I had grand plans for the weekend!  I was so going to smash the cycle that I’ve been in for months.  I had a plan and I vowed to have some fun over the weekend also.  So how did I do?

The weekend was a success with my eating.  I had vowed to not snack and not indulge in non nutritious foods when I got hungry.   On Saturday that meant that I had a banana.  On Sunday that meant that I had a small bowl of cottage cheese.   I also kept my calories in check and feel good about my food intake.   Win!!!!

My next goal for the weeekend was to drink at least 64 ounces of water, my water consumption on the weekend is usually lacking.   I nailed this one too!   I got over 64 ounces both days...although I will admit that on Sunday I squeezed my win out by the skin of my teeth!!!  Win!!

I walked for about 35 minutes on Saturday!   

Cold walk around the perimeter of the field while Jason flew his drone.

We also took a short hike for 45 minutes on Sunday!!!!  

Cold creek on our walk along a trail!  No swimming today!

Exercise too!   A bonus win!!!!

So my weight....did I smash the goal????  Cue the self deprecating laughter.   Oh yeah, I smashed this goal!   But not in a good way.   The cycle has been that over the weekend my weight drops then oops back up on Monday or Tuesday.  Well....my weight never dropped this past weekend!   So while my goal was to let it drop and KEEP it low and this smash the cycle...I guess I can say that I did smash the pattern because the cycle was broken in that my weight never dropped!

So why did my weight never drop?   Who knows.  I know that my monthly water retention weight gain  is upon me...I did have some more saltier/sodium laden foods.   But I didn’t break the bank in calories and I ate healthy, nutritious food!   So who knows!  I’m not giving up...I’m still staying the course!!!

Friday: brrrrr winter is here

What a week!!!  It wasn’t a bad one, thank heavens... But it sure was crazy!!!   It sure ran the gamut in terms of what happened.  So without further ado, I give you my recap of the week.

Workouts

I started off Monday still reeling from my weekend of being sick.  I decided to put my newfound early morning workout routine on hold until I was fully recovered.  I did not call off of work.   I trudged into work.  By the afternoon I was really dragging!  But I made it.   Because it had been so rough to make it through Monday afternoon I decided to not workout on Tuesday morning also.  Part of me wonders if I didn’t make that decision more out of ‘I don’t wanna wake up early’ versus ‘I really don’t feel right yet.”  But regardless, I am ok with my decision.  On Wednesday though...no excuses!  I got up and did my 25 minute workout.  It’s not super intense...but it’s at least something!  I received an email on Wednesday from my good friend Julie (she lives about 8 hours away from me...we primarily communicate through email...occasional texts and visits every once in a while...rare visits sadly enough).  She just happened to mention the fact that ‘luckily my fit bit alarm went off and that woke me up’.  I had a lightbulb moment.  A Fitbit alarm???  I imagine that at some point may have known that I could set an alarm on my Fitbit .(Amazon Affiliate link)..but then again...maybe not!  Either way, an alarm on my Fitbit  would eliminate my guilt at the loud alarm going off and waking both Jason and I up when it only needed to be me sacrificing sleep!!  Let me tell you...it worked like a charm!!  Yeah, he stirred when I slipped out of bed...but he didn’t total wake with the rousing alarm!  So yes...on Thursday I worked out too!    

This week I added in weights and some arm work!  I also got smart and threw my headphones on and listened to music to help pass the time on the stair machine thingy!  This weekend I may look into my supply of DVD’s and add in a video or two!  Anything to keep it fresh and different!

Work

I did some more training this week.  On Tuesday and Wednesday I worked with some reps in Indiana to train and prepare them for the next step in doing this job.  They are definitely on the fast track of learning everything.  Necessary since they are taking over my position.  Sometime  in the next month or so I’ll be the one learning a new position (my team’s work is being moved to our Indiana site and I’ll be on a new team.).  

The discontinuation calls continue.   These are calls regarding the end of the assistance program for one of the medications that I support.  Some of them are difficult...which we expected....after all we are taking away the free medication that people have been receiving...and it is a life saving medication! But let me tell you though...I’m amazed.  Simply amazed.  A few times a day I get the call and someone is obviously upset about this change...and worried.  But then they still stop to say ‘thank you for the medication that you HAVE given me for free’. I didn’t expect that at all...and even though it’s only a few it does restore faith in the human race.

Eating

My eating was pretty good this week.   I never went crazy.  I never binged.  I stayed steady. My calories were pretty well in line. 

I thought I tracked over the weekend..but I apparently didn't...I have since gone back and done so and my calories were in the same range.

I have my goal on myfitnesspal set to have me lose 1.5 pounds a week...and as you can see I come in below that goal....so I SHOULD be losing!!!!

Weight

I’m holding steady within the same 2-3 pounds.   Grrrrrr!  I don’t want to go lower in my calories...but it seems I’m going to have to.

Weather

Welcome winter!   I didn’t get any good pictures of our first snow...I left home on Thursday morning right as it was starting where I live and drove straight into the storm.   I made it to work with out much fuss...and I was inside all day and missed the bulk of the snow.   I commutes home in the aftermath and continual rain -and ice.  Jason was sent home from his job...they closed down...lucky boy!!!   He sent me this picture taken from the couch at about 10:30 when it was just getting rolling.

Our area got about 4 or 5 inches...but then the temps rose a bit and the rain helped melt the snow.   We are still in the clean up and residual ice from all the snow and rain stage.  But we weathered our first winter storm.

Overall I would say that the week was an ok one. From sick to health.  From 60° to winter storm.   Exercise....no exercise.   Just a total crazy week of opposites!  I didn’t have any great success in my weight loss...but I will say continuing on with the exercise instead of not restarting is a huge victory!!!!

Empowering

I’m feeling a little bit proud today! For a couple reasons.

I weighed myself on Saturday  for my midweek check-in and I was down on the scales. Hopefully, that will convey on the official weigh in, which will occur on Wednesday. Last month it didn’t but I’ve got my fingers crossed for this month to be different.

Saturday, we stopped to grab a bite to eat for lunch. At the end of last year, I would order a sandwich and a large fry. In January I did change to a sandwich and a small fry. But yesterday I just got the sandwich. And a real funny thing happened. I was totally satisfied with just the sandwich, I did not miss the fries, I did not lament the fact that I did not get them, I didn’t leave hungry and  I did not feel deprived. Honestly, I felt empowered.  I beat the addiction...even if only for a few minutes!

Saturday night we got the normal pizza and wings that we get every Saturday night.. I had just two pieces of pizza and two small wings. And instead of shoveling the pizza crust into my mouth… I left it. I’m not a big fan of the crust I like the cheesy and saucy  goodness of the pizza...and crust is not saucy cheesy goodness. However, I typically shove the crust down my gullet simply because it’s there....typical addiction behavior.  Not on Saturday!!

I did plan my weekend sweet treat. And I thoroughly enjoyed it. I ate half on Saturday and half on Sunday night.
I’m feeling empowered and ready to face the week.

How awesome is my boyfriend? He has had a handful of service calls in the neighboring communities to where we will be living. He has been scoping out places for me to run! OK and places for him to get a quick ride in in the morning before he goes to work also. But seriously how awesome is that?

So let’s talk about last weeks goals

1.  Climb the stairs at work twice a day. 

2. Get on the bike trainer. 

3. Four bottles of water a day

4.  Track and keep the calorie under my budget.  (The budget is set for me to lose 1 pound a week..cuz slow and steady wins the race!)

So how did I do???

As an average I did the steps twice a day. There was one day I did it three times but one day only did it once and there were two days where I actually did two or three flights more than my floor.

Water… I hit four bottles about half of the time I think that was two or three days and the rest of the days I managed three bottles of water.

The bike trainer… Not once. Better look this week? I got sidetracked every evening. I am so tired at night by the time I get home that I really only have half hour maybe an hour before I drop off to sleep. I have a move coming up in seven weeks. Every night I’m taking 30 to 40 minutes of that precious time I have available, And using it to pack and purge and clean. I know I still need to get on the bike. 

Tracking....and under budget.  Absolutely!!!

So what are the goals for this week?  Pretty much the same water, stairs, bike and yes,  I’m continuing to track my food.

Boomerang weight

So the other day I talked about my two meals of Chinese and the fact that it was ok as long as it was only one day!  My last few weeks have not been the greatest.  I was at the top end of my caloric range for the last umpteen days!  Not off the rails but definitely not where I should be to be losing!!!!!  Just too much and poor options.  

 

I haven't looked too much at my miles since last week....half of the weekend my Fitbit was uncharged....and my charger wasn't anywhere near.  Oops!

Exercise for last week and this weekend....nearly non-existent!    

 

The whole week was pretty much a crazy week of just skimming and doing nothing to get myself to my goals.

So I was really nervous about stepping onto the scales for my unofficial weigh in this morning.   Very nervous.  I had teetered at 238 pounds for weeks...and last week got down to 236.  I was afraid I had gone right past 238 into the 240's!   Luckily it wasn't that bad.   I'm like a boomerang that is returning to 238.....that must be my current boomerang weight!   Shucks!   But I did it to myself!!!

We had a relaxed weekend.  We did some shopping, explored an old chapel and graveyard,

 

Went to some antique stores and an old mill....

 

And just relaxed together.

I saw this bumper sticker at one of the shops we went to...

 

 

I used to sign emails and blog posts by finishing off with 'think thin'. And that is so true.....

And then at another one I saw this...

How perfect since that is after all part of my blog title!!!

They both simply reminded me of where I want to go and what I have to do to get there!!!

Struggle

I don't want to write this today.  I've delayed doing it.  I've contemplated NOT writing today.  Because we all know....if we don't write it then it didn't happen right? 

Soooo lets back track.  Last Wednesday I wrote  about running and how I persevered through running on Tuesday but then even though I walked 6 miles that day.   I also talked about my food intake that day and how I ate too much food.   GRRR

 I DID get up and run Thursday morning and ran!!!

However, otherwise, it didn't get better.   Food wise I skirted with disaster!   I was over my 1200 calorie goal EVERY  day.  One day I only missed it by 50 calories...so that was a victory.  Two days I was in the 1300 range...so not too bad on those.   Some of those days I ate least ran or hiked.  However......the weather turned and well.......   Ok, so here are the week stats.  The one on the left is the TOTAL calories.  The screenshot on the right is the net calories including what I earned.  

I have been doing GREAT with pounding the water.  My water intake has been spectacular of late!!!  I've been consistently going over 100 ounces daily!

So as for my goals that I set last Monday.  

1.  Water             TOTAL VICTORY!!!!

2.  Run at least 2 times (preferably 3!)    Definitely got two runs in!!   VICTORY!!!

3.  A  Track  I tracked EVERY BITE

     B.  Stay within my caloric  budget (not eating too many of my earned calories!)   FAIL

4.  Hike and walk.   Yes, got this one down....as much as schedule and weather allowed

5.  Use the stair stepper at least ONCE!   FAIL

You know...the goals for next week are going to be the same.   I will be taking hiking off the list.  Not because I don't want to hike/walk or don't plan on hiking/walking...but that one is dependent upon the weather, scheduling and whatnot.  

1.  Water             

2.  Run at least 2 times    

3.  A  Track  

     B.  Stay within my caloric  budget 

4.  Use the stair stepper at least ONCE!  

Better luck this week!!!!

A fist fight with my friend

Ohhhhh, my blessed friend!  I love you.  Your creamy cheesy goodness just makes my mouth water!   Ohhh heavens, I do love you!   Ohhh macaroni and cheese you just one plate of ooey gooey pile of goodness!  I saw you and I wanted you so bad.  I stared at you.  I opened my mouth to order  my food and..........

Tuesday was another day of me planning my calories.  It was another day of NOT eating my exercise calories. It was another day...day two to be exact, of eating on a budget.  Knowing that when my very exact amount of calories is gone that the eating must stop.  It's planning and strict willpower.  It has always worked for me and I'm going back to what works.

I planned out my Tuesday early in the morning.  I actually planned it and included not one but TWO eat outs!  Why yes, I did.  I planned for a trip to Waffle House for breakfast (don't be a hater, we have a good Waffle House near where we live....there is a bad one too.....but oh well, we don't go there!).  I also planned to pick up subs on the way home.   Here is my plan for the day.

Breakfast:

     Waffle

      Butter

      Sugar Free Syrup

Mid morning snack: (really ends up being around 11AM)

     Strawberries

Lunch:

    Salad (no croutons, no cranberries, simply veggies and one piece of fit and active string cheese cut up)

    Vinnegrette Dressing

     Homemade fruit salad (so no added sugar or bad stuff)

Afternoon Snack (around 4 or 5)

    Small banana

Dinner

    1/2 Turkey Sub

     fruit salad

I sat down at Waffle house.  Todd ordered a big breakfast that includes a waffle.  I 'inherited' the waffle.  So when my turn to order came, I simply asked for sugar free syrup, knowing that if the sugary stuff came to the table there was a good chance I'd just cave and eat it.  I typically order hashbrowns as a side.  I kept my mouth shut, even though Todd had asked if I wanted the hashbrowns from his meal.  "No thank you, I don't have the calories."    When his meal came he offered me a piece of cinnamon raisin toast.  I answered, "No thank you, I don't have the calories.   I stood firm.  And I was completely satisfied with my food an was not at all hungry when I left.

Lunch and my snacks were easy due to the fact that I packed my food to take to work.  I ate what I had planned and there wasn't too much to tempt me.  

Dinner rolled around.  It was after zumba.  Yes, I know, eating at 8 or thereafter isn't the most awesome choice but eating before zumba doesn't work and well....it's a trade off and works for the schedule that Todd and I keep.  So anyway, after zumba I stopped into the convenience store where I was planning to pick up subs.  I waited in line and that is when I saw it.  I saw that creamy cheesy gooey goodness that we call macaroni and cheese.  Ohhh how I wanted to order a small....no maybe a medium or large cup of macaroni and cheese to go with my meal.  Ohhhh I love macaroni and cheese.  I wanted to so bad.  Ohhh macaroni and cheese come to mamma.  I looked and I'm going to admit that I was tempted to order my old faithful friend.  But then I said to myself "no, you don't have the calories."   I ordered my planned for sub and resolutely turned my back on that friend.  

I was satisfied with my food, even without the macaroni and cheese.   I know that I will someday soon have macaroni and cheese.  It's not a taboo food. NOTHING is taboo.  But when I eat it, it will be MY homemade mac-n-cheese.  It will be planned for, at least I hope!     But whatever the future holds......Tuesday night I was in a fist fight with with some macaroni and cheese and I won!

I've got the ball rolling........I just need to KEEP the ball rolling and not let anything derail me!!!!   

We are what we eat

Tonight I was at home and I was making a 'healthy' cake. So many people talk about this cake.  It's the talk of weight watchers meetings.   An Angel food box cake mix and a can of cherry pie filling.  Mix those two ingredients together and then bake according to the instructions on the box.  As simple as that and works like a charm.  Or the famed diet soda cake.  A cake mix and a can of diet soda mixed together.....voila.   Healthy cake.   Ok, I felt bad even typing that.....a healthier version calorie wise at least.......yes, that's better!

100 calorie packs?  Snackwells?  Light versions of this?   High Fiber?  Low sodium?   Low fat?   1/2 the calories?   Healthy foods....right?????????

I am going to preface the rest of this post by saying that I DO buy some of the aforementioned products.   100 calorie packs are great for portion control for those weeks where I just can't do it on my own.  I find that some low fat or light products are just as good as the regular and therefore yes, I will use them.  I'm not immune to the 'healthy food' craze.....and I'm sure that I will still continue to buy them and use them and create them in the future.

Are we really being healthy with all these alternative products?    What are these products really teaching us?   TO have our cake and eat it too?  Are they helping us to avoid the truth about our society and the way we eat?  I think so.   You see, those are not healthy foods.  They are foods that are altered to allow us to eat them with less guilt.  They are foods that are adjusted so that we can still eat them and still lose weight.

However, healthy foods are the fruits....grapes, bananas, kiwi, apples, etc.   Vegetables...peas, green beans, beets, etc.   They are the healthy whole grains and dairy.  They are the natural foods that lack the mad processing.   We are what we eat...I want to be healthy...so I will eat TRULY healthy foods as my main source of food.

Just do it!

I've been doing fairly well with my exercise.  Last week one day (Wednesday) I went running and had an abysmal run.  I'll admit I was freaking out a bit in my mind, wondering if my lackadaisical   approach to running had set me back to the beginning of my training.  Yes, I was worried because that wouldn't   be good....not the end of the world but not good.  On Saturday I went out running. Or rather I tried to go out running.   It started to downright pour rain when I was heading out.  The MaryFran of late would have thrown in the towel and skipped the run.  Not on Saturday!  I hit the gym!   I ran for 65 minutes on the treadmill.  Ok ok ok, I would run 10 and then walk 2.5 minutes...then run another ten minutes.  I also did some ab work (ouch...I can still feel it!)

So Monday rolled around.  It was a bank holiday so I was off work and I had plans to go to Lancaster. Pa with my parents and my brother and his family.  I actually woke up super early to get what I had to so done....and allow myself time to go out running.  Yes, I ran!   And I did fantastic.  I ran at a comfortable pace and my pace was one of my fastest runs since this foot problem started.  Amazing how just a little consistency results in improvement.

So yeah, let's talk about Lancaster county, Pa....land of smorgasbords (buffets) and delicious desserts.  Ok, let's not!   No seriously.  I didn't do too badly. I did have a piece of shoe fly pie (my favorite and utterly delicious pie....I don't make it, I could but I don't...it is a treat I give myself when we go to Lancaster....which is usually at the most 4 times a year...give or take). I did eat off one smorgasbord.   I ate a plate of food (heavy on veggies as I don't much like meat...although shockingly i did eat a bit of ham...first time in years) a salad...and that piece of shoe fly pie.  For dinner we stopped on the way home at a Chili's.   I had a buffalo chicken salad (the chicken was breaded and fried....I won't pretend that the chicken was prepared in a health obvious manner) and at dinner I munched on some tortilla chips.   So not exactly healthy.  But the true victory is that I never ate yesterday to the point of feeling sick. I was full but never so stuffed I was sick!

Backing up to my Monday morning run...some of my deepest thoughts hit me while I am running.  I was thinking about my friend Paula (hi Paula!!). Who hooked up with me for my abysmal run and also the gym run.  I told her about those still very tentative thoughts that I have on running a half marathon (we won't even mention the full...although that thought is there too...just a lot quieter at this time).  Paula immediately looked at me and said 'I'm in!'  She also found a picture of the teeshirt that I want to get when I complete it and actually earn it!

During this talk we had mentioned one friend that is always saying she is joining us, but to the best of our knowledge has yet to run 5 feet.  There are always excuses.  So on Monday morning this conversation was floating in my head as a remembrance and one phrase kept coming to my mind.  'Just do it'.  Stop talking about it.   Stop planning to do it.  Stop making promises that you are not going to keep.  Just do it!!   I understood the words behind the phrase for all these years, but I didn't really grasp the depth of that phrase and what it means to, well...life.  Just do it!  I was a naysayer for years who always talked about doing it.  I was a planner for years 'tomorrow I'm going to start running' or 'as soon as I get myself some running shoes...or a workout outfit or whatever'. I'll be out there.  Excuses!!!   Just do it!  Stop talking about how much you want to do it...stop talking about your plans describing how you are going to or how much you want it. Just do it!!!!    Exercise, fitness and weight loss is divided into two groups of people.  People that live that phrase....or people that live in fear of that phrase.    I want to and have once again started to live that phrase.  Just do it!!!

Grocery store nightmare

I lost this week!   I passed the 30 pounds gone for this year mark!!!!  (shopping for my new charm will commence shortly!)   1.5 for last week.  I'll TAKE IT!

I committed the gravest of grave errors the last time I went grocery shopping.  I hit the store many hours after I had eaten.  Not only was there a long stretch of no food, but an hour or so of that time had me involved in running my daily mileage.  So I was HUNGRY!   We all know what that means!

I walked into the grocery store and the first thing I noticed was the table of cupcakes.  MMMMM  they looked so good.  My mouth watered, just thinking about the yummy icing and the taste of  a delectable morsel of cake in my mouth.  My mmmm, turned into a moan as I kept moving.  I didn't even break stride.  I was focused.....I was heading to the produce department.  The next table I passed held the containers of sugar cookies.  You know the type.  The pale sugar cookies with the thick icing on top.   Many times they even have sprinkles.  Have I mentioned lately that I love sprinkles?   I never really bought much stuff like that.  I would rather make my own cookies.  But I have had these goods.....people bring them to work for potlucks and customers delight in feeding us.   I looked at the cookies and a feeling of sadness settled upon me.  I wanted the cookies. I don't want to have to guard against the cookies and the cakes for the rest of my life and I admit that the sense of sadness bore down upon me the whole way through the grocery store.

Did I buy any of those delectably tempting snacks?   NO, not a one!   I headed straight for the produce department and I purchased lots of fresh foods.  I bought dairy products.   I bought healthy foods.   I may have been sad, but I did not waver in my mission!

I don't mind sharing what I purchased in the produce section.  I bought strawberries, (soon we will be picking strawberries..yippee), avocados, kiwi, carrots, sprouts and cherries.  I saw the cherries and I WANTED them.  I didn't think anything of it....UNTIL I hit the check out line. Do you see that in the picture???  I paid thirteen dollars and fifty four cents for that package of cherries.  Holy cow, they should be gold plated for that price.  My mouth dropped when I saw the price on the cash register.  Eii Yii yii!    I can guarantee you that there will be none of those cherries that end up in the compost pile because they got overripe before I could eat them! 

There are people out there that say that eating healthy is cheaper than eating junk.  I beg to differ.  Seriously?   $13.54 for maybe 6-8 portions  I could have bought a bag of chips for three bucks and had it last me the same amount of time. 

No matter.  The cost is worth it in my book.  I am worth it!   (Hopefully I won't be craving an out of season expensive fruit next week though!)

My body thanks me!

I would like to thank the people that have commented on my blog of late concerned about my well being.  I would like to say that I have been doing this for quite some time.  I started and continue under the direction of my doctor. They both know exactly what I have done and am doing to lose weight.  I also started under the umbrella of Weight Watchers.  While I no longer calculate and track according to weight watchers points, their guidelines are still deeply embedded in my mind.  I have compared the calories to points and even though I have ‘forsaken’ Weight Watchers, my eating runs right in line with what I would have eaten should I be counting weight watchers points.  Which is a proven system and greatly approved by doctors…in fact many doctors recommend using weight watchers because it is a healthy approach…nothing fanatical like fasting once or twice a week just to lose weight (I actually worked with a gal once that took the fasting to the extreme…she fasted the whole work week and only ate on weekends…NUTS…personally for anything other than religious reasons, fasting is an unhealthy practice even if only for a day) or eating only cumquats for every meal.  (What the heck is a cumquat!) or something crazy such as only eating foods that begin with the letter S. (don’t lie, you are thinking about what foods you could eat that start with S!)  Anyway, I digress….. I have been doing what should be done!

My blog is more of a touchy feely blog…emotions about weight loss, celebrations and struggles.  I like it that way……but not today. I’m going to go scientific and a bit mathematicl on you……

 That said, I have heard the concerns and I wanted to verify and double check my numbers and figures.   I even included websites for my research for the most basic of information….just because that’s how I roll (damn overachiever that I am).   LOL

 The first thing I looked at was how many calories I need to eat a day to maintain my weight.  I found this table first…

Gender	Age (years)	Sedentaryb	Moderately Activec	Actived
Child	2-3	1,000	1,000-1,400	1,000-1,400
Female	4-8 9-13 14-18 19-30 31-50 51+	1,200 1,600 1,800 2,000 1,800 1,600	1,400-1,600 1,600-2,000 2,000 2,000-2,200 2,000 1,800	1,400-1,800 1,800-2,200 2,400 2,400 2,200 2,000-2,200
Male	4-8 9-13 14-18 19-30 31-50 51+	1,400 1,800 2,200 2,400 2,200 2,000	1,400-1,600 1,800-2,200 2,400-2,800 2,600-2,800 2,400-2,600 2,200-2,400	1,600-2,000 2,000-2,600 2,800-3,200 3,000 2,800-3,000 2,400-2,800

 The table is just a general idea of where you need to be and that wasn’t good enough for me, I wanted specifics.  THUS, I went to  http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/245588.php   where they have a nifty little calculator that figures up your base metabolic rate.  I figured up my base rate.  For a sedentary lifestyle for me that is 1764.  This second website also then has you add in your lifestyle.  I do pretty heavy intense exercise 6 times a week.  So I adjusted my base metabolic rate according to the instructions on the website…which took me to 2206.25. (wow….it’s only 6.5 calories off of the table….I guess I didn’t need to do all the double checking on the second website).  So that is the amount of calories that I need to eat to MAINTAIN my weight.

However, we all know that I’m not in this to maintain my weight at this point. (although knowing those numbers will come in handy in the future!  J   I’m in this to LOSE.  I have always been told by my doctors and weight watchers that 2 pounds is the most that you should be losing on average each week.  Everything else is to much.  But for the sake of this post I decided to add a website showing this figure as the acceptable.  http://www.shape.com/weight-loss/weight-loss-strategies/ask-diet-doctor-losing-10-pounds-week-safe So for the sake of argument I’m aiming at 2 pounds loss a week…average. 

So how do you lose 2 pounds a week?  Really weight loss is just like a budget.  Deposits versus withdraw.  Your deposits are what you are eating….your withdraw is what your body is spending to keep you moving (Stop laughing, you thought I was going to say your withdraw was what you leave in the bathroom….I’m SOOO not that crass…..ha ha ha).   It’s a budget….calories in versus calories out.  Just like your financial budget.  If you want to save money you have to spend less money than you earn.  Likewise, to lose weight I have to eat less than I burn.  So it is common knowledge that there it takes a deficit of  roughly 3500 calories to lose a pound.  http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/how-many-calories-does-it-take-lose-one-pound  So if I want to lose the max recommended poundage each week, I need to cut my calories by 7000 each week.  (simple math…3500 plus 3500 equals 7000).

So let’s do the math….I need to cut my calories by 1000 each day in order to lose 2 pounds a week.  7000 calories divided by 7 days of the week equals 1000.   If I could draw a line in this blog post I would draw a line back to the paragraph about the base metabolic rate.  I can’t, so you will have to remember… my base metabolic rate is 2206.5 (at my current rate of exercise).   SO for me to lose 2 pounds a week I need to cut my calories down to 1206.5   Guess what?  I actually right now aim for 1250……I’m dead flat on with what I am aiming for to eat…maybe even a bit high.  

Is this plan perfect and fail proof?  No!  Some weeks my body doesn’t lose like it should.  It is not a given that I WILL lose 2 pounds.  This plan is just a theory, a base.  It’s based on science. It’s approved by doctors, trainers (yes, I’ve had fitness professionals recommend it), this is actually what Jillian Michaels expounded upon in her first (I think first) book and if you match up the calories with points that weight watchers uses it equals about to be the same. 

I work the plan better than most. .  I don’t fill up my calories with empty calories.  Fast food, junk food, etc etc is not part of my diet.  I will admit to some nights splurging and having a ½ cup of ice cream or some other sweet snack…SOME nights I said, not every night.  However, the bulk of my calories are filling, healthy nutritional foods.   They are foods that fill me up and leave me feeling satisfied all day long. 

Ok, that said.  I do not drop down way low in my calories.  I do not have days where I only eat 600 or 700 calories.  That is way to low and totally unhealthy.  I eat a balanced diet and actually feel full and satisfied throughout the day.  I eat healthy natural filling foods.    I do exercise a lot.  I exercise because right now it is the outlet for my stress.  It is where I drown my sorrows. 

I track everything I eat.  I won’t lie about that. However, I am not anal about measuring and counting.  Every once in a while I will measure just to make sure that I am on target, but I do not want to be tracking nazi.  I want to live my life.  So in reality, I KNOW that when I say I’m eating 1250 calories that I may, just may be eating 1300 or 1400.   It’s a trade off for me……I track, I exercise lots but I don’t worry so much about measuring every morsel of food that goes into my mouth.

As for the amount of exercise I do…..I average between 1 hour to 1.5 hours a day (mostly about 1).  It is MY time.  Its kinda scary because I am finding that I LOVE it.  I am exercising not because I have to….or because I need to. I’m doing it because I’m happy with myself when I do.  For the first time in a long time I feel as if I’m doing something GOOD and RIGHT.  It clears my mind from all the negative stuff that swirls in my  mind all day.  I do it for ME.  I miss it when I don’t do it.  I daydream about the liberation that exercise brings me….and the way my body feels when I complete a hard workout.  That sense of pride is indescribable.   That said, I’m not pushing myself to the brink of disaster.   I take a day of rest and allow my body to rest.  Sometimes my body demands an extra day of rest and you know what?  I allow it.  Generally speaking, we are under-using our bodies by a long shot.   Our bodies are capable of so much and we are not even coming near reaching our bodies potential.    I thought for a long time that if I exercised heavy and intensely that I was going to hurt myself.  That’s not the case.  I’m eating healthy foods that fuel my body.  I’m not starving myself (in fact, if you could see how much food I do eat…lol).  My body responds well.  I come home from a run and I’ve got more energy, pep and vigor that if I didn’t.  My body thanks me!

 

Analyze ME!

Last night was one of those nights where I had a vivid dream, one that I remembered clear as a bell when I woke up.

I walked into the gym.  (not my own gym weirdly enough) There were people everywhere.  I looked around for an empty machine to hop upon.  I had originally planned to hop on an elliptical, but it really didn't matter what I used.  I would be just as content on the treadmill or a bike, I could adjust.   I weaved through the people toward an empty elliptical (which turned out to be a stair climber instead).  I hopped on and started to workout.  I listened to the chatter around me.  They were holding a fat-to-fit boot camp (Is there even such a thing?)  and lucky me, I was working out right in the midst of the first workout.  I tried to focus on myself but I couldn't help but see the overweight gal standing next to me.  (I won't bore you with the details of what she was wearing, the color of her hair) She was on a treadmill and she was cranking away.  Her face was beat red.  She was pushing herself to the utter max.  I started to worry about her.  Seriously, she looked like she was going to have a heart attack at any minute.  I glanced at the fit to fat instructor that was supposed to be watching the group and he was preoccupied.  I looked back at this woman and she wasn't there anymore.   She was kneeling and bent over on the floor at the end of the treadmill crying and sobbing.  When I hopped off and went to her, she sobbed out her frustration.  She was frustrated with exercise already after only a minute or two.  "I can't even make it a minute, there is no way"    I talked to her for a few minutes (the instructor never showed up through that) and figured out that she was frustrated because she wanted to do it and do it 'right' and she couldn't.  She told me that she wanted to do what everyone else was doing so that she didn't stick out like a sore thumb. She wanted to follow the fit-to-fat instructions.    After talking to her and listening and remembering what I saw while she was on the treadmill I knew that she indeed COULD exercise, that it was just a simple problem of she wanted to be fit right at that moment.  She looked at me and said "you are doing it".   I laughed and said, I'm a big girl, still but I've worked my butt off to get to the level of physical fitness that I am at and I still have a long way to go.  I instructed her to get on the treadmill  She was hesitant but did it.  And then I started the treadmill so that she was walking at a snails pace.  She did it and she immediately pushed the buttons until the treadmill was flying by at warp speed, in the dream it was set at speed 43  (ha ha ha,, as if a treadmill cold go that fast).  Yes, she flew backwards (ok ok ok , that didn't happen but I wish it would have..that would have added some comic relief to my dream).  I pushed her back to a slower pace.  She kept looking around and wanting to go faster (back to that speed of 43)   I had to work to keep her going at a slow pace.  She had to see that she could do it.  We slowly added more speed until she was at a comfortable pace.   I was in the middle of reminding her that we all have to start somewhere and we can't push ourselves too fast.  At this point the very hot looking instructor arrived and without butting in just started to listen in.  The dream did go on..but well, that involves the instructor and I and some private.......  (Dang, once again that didn't happen......DRAT!   Or did it?????  ha ha ha)

I woke up from my dream and I remembered how far I've come.  Not just in my running, but in my whole physical fitness.  I've had some major ups and downs in my physical fitness in the last few years.  But I have come SOOOO far.  I have been the girl on the treadmill trying to do what they say is the 'thing' to do, the 'speed' to go, the 'incline' to achieve.  Years back I had to come to the realization that exercise is immensely personal.  My abilities lie within myself, not within what someone else tells me I SHOULD be doing.  It is not contingent upon what the person on the next treadmill is doing.  It is contingent upon what my body says it can do (notice I didn't say what my brain says I can do...that's a totally different story).  Sometimes we have to swallow our pride and start small.   Slow as a snail on the treadmill was a victory for the gal in the dream.   Slow as a slug running (but improving each time I run) is a victory for ME!  

So any other deep thoughts about my dream?  Should I take anything else from this dream????   Analyze me!

Today is my day of rest.  Goodness, I love the day of rest....ok, my BODY loves my day of rest.  But my mind is just itching to get out there and do something!  What a quandary!  (and heck, where did the old MaryFran go!)   My eating is planned for today.  I made a nice breakfast for Todd and I and I have packed my lunch and snacks.  Yes, I am still trying to adhere to this new 'habit' of eating a snack between my meals.  One snack for today is carrots and dip and the other snack is grapes.    I'm doing pretty good with the whole thing though.  The first couple days of the snacks, I would pack my snacks but forget to eat them, but I've got that regulated now...I think.  :-)    So food for today is ready to roll and I'm in charge!  I like the feeling of being in charge.  A food addiction leaves one feeling so out of control...and this in charge feeling feels dang good!!!!

The good, the bad and the ugly

My weight is still way up.  I seriously can't get enough water into my body.  I am stinking thirsty all the time.  So I KNOW why my weight is up.  (not only do I have to combat the super high sodium meals I've eaten of late....but it's the monthly ick time...which makes my weight pop up anyway!)  I'm OK with it.  Even though it is showing me at a 3 pound gain this week.  I was showing a maintain until the high sodium foods hit my table.  It's all good.  Life happens.




The other day I stopped to pick up a sub (sandwich) to take to Todd while he was at work.  I ordered one for my dinner also.  (No worries, I had the calories to eat it!).  I stood there waiting for the food to be ready and I found myself drooling staring at the tasty cake shelf.  I was super hungry.  It was 3:30 or 4PM and I hadn't eaten lunch yet.  I wanted to dive onto that shelf and eat to my hearts content.  In lieu of that, I REALLY wanted to get something off that shelf.  In years past I wouldn't have even stopped to pause, I would have added at least one thing to my purchase, most likely two.  I stood there and realized how very far I have come, it made it easy to walk away and say no.  The victory was mine that day as I walked out of the store with simply the two subs that I had ordered and nothing more!

Yesterday I was driving down the road.  I was occupying my mind by thinking about running.  I've been running (really it's more of a wog  a cross between a walk and a jog) for 2 months now.  It's not been a magical journey where I fell in love with the process.  It's painful....not so much physically (guess I was in better shape than I thought) but emotionally.  I have made the commitment to run through August 9th.  So I have four more months to fall in love with the sport.  But seriously, that's a long time.  Yesterday my thoughts ended up with one sentence that kept going through my head.  "Would it be quitting if I didn't run through the August 9th do or die date?"   I posed the question later to my brother and his family when they stopped by to visit.  My 12 year old nephew looked at me and said "Yeah, MaryFran!  That is totally quitting!"   So I guess I continue to run. I've quit at so much in my life.  If I want to change, it needs to be enacted!   Praying for some running love to hit me.  Right now it's just a little bit of running hate. 

Meanwhile, I'm looking forward to zumba restarting this week after a weeks break.   Even bigger news,  Sherry and I have committed to following Jillian Micheal's 30 day shred video.  We are both prepared to start tomorrow on April 1 (no that is not an April fools day joke) and complete it this month. (what a coinky dink...30 day shred and April has 30 days!).  It's going to be a busy month with zumba 2-3 times a week.  Running 3 times a week.  Thirty day shred every day and walks with sherry as many times as possible.  Ohhh and bike season is beginning so add some bike rides in there. 


SO my big thing for putting myself out there?  I have started a facebook page for my weight loss efforts.  I wanted it to be believing in myself to match my blog but alas that name was taken, so it is Believing in maryFran.  I haven't invited family yet...I'm only slowly inviting friends...and I"m picking and choosing right now.    But I know it's only a matter of time before I"m 'found out'  So ready or not, I'm announcing to the world exactly where I'm at.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  Please feel free to like my page.  https://www.facebook.com/BelievinginMaryFran   I'm kinda planning it to be a cross between my journey, recipe links and inspirational things that I find.  Motivation for me and hopefully motivation for others. 

Dissapointment

Well..... After my wonderful news from last week, yeah that big weight loss, my week turned sour in the diet department! The next day I woke up and jumped on the scales....excited! I didn't expect to lose anymore...but hey, I'm addicted to the scales. Low and behold, I was like right back where I was the two days previously. I swallowed deeply and waited for the next day......I was even five pounds heavier. I was now back to 15 pounds heavier than my wonderful day on Tuesday! I tried to not let myself get disappointed. After all, the monthly 'ick' was expected to arrive late in the week. It was a long week. I don't allow myself to weigh in more than once a day. Each day roughly the same.....hovering around 232-235. Then the ick arrived and it slowly has started to receed. This morning I was down to 228.

This is so hard for someone that really wants things to be done ten minutes ago. What a lesson in patience!

Meanwhile, within the last week or so I had a revelation. Why eat something that doesn't taste REALLY good? Wait and eat something that tastes spectacular! Why do I shove food down if it isn't the greatest? Todd and I were out, eating at a salad bar (HOss's). I was getting my salad (healthily I might add....salad dressing on the side...to dip and low on the cheese and other fatty substances). Well, I saw they had Mac and cheese.....yum. SoOOOOOO I decided to get just a half cup. I figured that would be roughly 200 calaries. A Lot, but I decided to make the adjustments and manage my food intake to allow for it. (Ok, that was a revalation in itself!) So, I get the mac and cheese back to the table and couldn't wait to dig into my 'treat'. I took one bite. Now don't get me wrong, the mac and cheese wasn't bad. However it wasn't GREAT. And suddenly I decided that it wasn't worth cutting other things out in order to have that mac and cheese. I would rather manage and cut corners in order to have something SPECTACULAR!

That combined with my revalation from a few years back....the concept of only eating what I am hungry for and ignoring those messages that my body is sending saying that I have to eat it all...because I may never get it again. I WILL eat the good stuff again.....and I learned that I enjoy it ever so much more if I don't shovel so much in!