Doing My Best

Are we ever really satisfied with our efforts?  Or are we as humans destined to always think we could do better?  Furthermore….is there always a bit more in the tank where we could do better…if we just tried?

Where in the world did this thought about my efforts come from?  Last night I sat down to eat my planned dinner and I was perfectly fine with my voice.  However, when I was done eating what I had planned I was still hungry!  I went to the kitchen and ate grabbed something else.   I never ate to the point of feeling sick, or even to the point of feeling stuffed.  So I knew that I had not overeaten.  Yet I sat there afterward beating myself up for the extra food. I had made my best effort and then I wasn’t happy with it.  In hindsight, I realized that my calories and food levels were way too low and it’s no wonder that I was hungry.   I realize my error in that I turned to higher calorie foods (not junk food…but higher calorie leftovers that were in the fridge).  But that didn’t make me feel any better.  I still felt like a failure.  

But in the heat of the moment I did my best.   And you know what else I also did?   I soooooo badly wanted something sweet after I ate dinner.  And guess what?  I knew I didn’t need it and I resisted.   I did my best and that is a win!

But why do we beat ourselves up over eating something not planned.  Why do we beat ourselves up for our mistakes.   Why do we demand perfection?  Perfection is not easily attainable.  It’s also not easily maintained.  Yet we strive for perfection and when we don’t achieve it we call ourselves failures.  What in the world is wrong with us.   (And yes, this segues into real life for me right now…I’m not just talking about my weight loss journey!)

I have been long intrigued with some of these extreme ultra running events.  In particular the ‘Barkley Marathon’ and the ‘Backyard Ultra’. These races are devious!   The Barkley is once a year.   Quite a few years they don’t even have anyone finish because it is that difficult.   The participants are faced with a grueling course (that they run 5 times….with 12 hours to complete each lap).  These runners are put through a physical and mental test that few can do….because few can push themselves past their best to dive into the reserves.  Likewise the Backyard.  It’s a race where participants run a 4 mile loop and they have an hour to do it.   Not bad eh?  But the top of hour two they line up and run it again.  At the top of hour three they line up and run lap three….for hours…and DAYS they start at the top of each hour to run their next lap of four miles.  The last man standing after everyone else has dropped out is the winner.    Talk about the tank being empty and drawing from that well of hidden reserves!

Those races totally intrigued me and I think it’s because sure, those participants want to win….but when you watch interviews with these people  it’s the victory of pushing your body to the limit…seeing what your body and mind can do.  It’s accomplishing the insurmountable!

In 2024 history was made with the Barkley marathon.  The first woman finished the race.   She was not first….she was not the second one to cross the finish line.  She was the fifth person and crossed the line with seconds to spare before the cut off!  Yet the world went crazy!  She lost!  Yet ahe gave everything she had and she was excellent!  (And while there were five finishers that year…some were repeat finishers….in the grand scheme of the Barkley there have only been 20 finishers in the last 20-30 years!)

I want to be excellent….I want to give my all and then some.  But I need to give up the hang up about perfection.  Being perfect didn’t get that woman across the line in fifth place…being her best did!

Inspiration not Aspiration

I had an epiphany the other day.  It came about quite naturally but it really does go hand in hand with the soul searching I have been doing lately and with the lessons that I learned from completing the 75 Hard.   So let me break down the two facets of my epiphany the soul searching and the inspiration and then I will wrap it up into my thoughts going forward. 

The first part of the equation of my epiphany is the thought processes that have been going through my mind in regards to the amazing accomplishment of actually completing the 75 hard and the internal knowledge that the challenge worked for me and that I felt that I needed to find a new challenge  in order to keep my motivation rolling in a positive direction.   I devised a plan to carry my motivation and habits through the month of April, I was going to have 'One Month of Winning."   I was going to slay the month of April.   But life happened and I got sidetracked.  One month of winning was not a win.  It was more a month of recovery and discovery.   Undaunted I decided that May was going to be my A-May-Zing month.   Corny or Catchy, who knows but I was excited to start.   By May 5th the month's plans were no longer a-may-zing.  I had devised my plan for May with room for imperfection.  I was aiming for an 80-20 thing, 80% perfection and the other 20%, well that could be as good as I could make it.   But by May 5th I was operating at pretty much Zero percent perfection.  It was NOT going well.   My cutely (corny) named monthly plans failed me.   It was a challenge but something happened and it just didn't motivate me.  Seriously, I couldn't even make it 5 days in May....yet I made it 75 days for the 75 hard challenge.   This made me think about what really motivates me, what kind of challenge works for me.  I was thinking....pondering.....debating in my head.  I was no closer to an answer when I stumbled upon the other facet that brought about my epiphany. 

Years ago Jason and I watched a documentary.  (How in the world can I remember this...but it was a day or two before Thanksgiving in 2016 and we were in a hotel in Reading, PA.)  The documentary was called "The Barkley Marathon:  The Race that Eats its Young"   What an amazing documentary, seriously if you haven't seen it.....I highly recommend it.   Through the ensuing years I've kept a loose watch on the Barkley Marathon. I've watched a few more documentaries and kept an eye on the results each year.  Apparently I didn't do it in 2024....because 2024 was huge and I didn't learn about it until just this week.  First of all there were 5 finishers!   That in itself is amazing in a race that has been around since 1986 but only has 20 (now) people that have can claim to have finished the race.  But the bigger thing......for the first time EVER a woman  finished the Barkley!  I read the reports and watched new documentaries.  I also looked up the results for 2025, which had no winners.  In fact only one person made it 3/5 of the way through the Barkley in 2025.    This race has been noted to be a race that pushes people past their limits to really see what someone is made of.  The race that truly is ALL about the will of human nature.   

Rediscovering the Barkley Marathon was truly inspirational for me.   While I have absolutely no aspiration to run the Barkley Marathon, it did remind me of how much I used to enjoy running.  It made me think about how running was something that was a challenge for me.  I was always trying to best myself.  Yes, I was in a competition with myself....always looking to be faster, go further...or sometimes just do it because it made me a bad ass!  I didn't have talent and I was never super fast, but I had the will to do it!

So on Tuesday, May 6th I went out and took my first run in about 2 years.  Let me tell you, it was not pretty.  It was not graceful.  It was certainly not fast.  In fact, I restarted a training program where I am doing walk/run intervals and let me tell you, those 60 second run intervals were tough!  But I completed it.

I came home and pulled up the stats from when I did the same program a few years back.   I was comforted to see that my stats were almost exactly the same.....at least I didn't get worse!  But at the same time, I was disgusted to be back at the beginning once again.   I also looked at some of my race reports from about 10 -12 years ago.  You can link to all of those posts here.   I am in inspired.

  I have looked at a few 5K races/runs that are upcoming in my area.   I am actually toying with doing the Donut Alley Rally in Hagerstown which is held on a Friday night in early August.  That gives me 3 months to be in 5K race ready.  (My goal has always been to complete a race and NOT be the last one to cross the finish line.) The main reason I have not pulled the trigger on an entry fee is the fact that I still to not have a job.  I HOPE to have one by then though....and while I hope to be working day shift.....I honestly don't know what my schedule may be and obviously if I get a job a job will come first.  If that doesn't work, I have a few other 5k's on my radar ....one in September, one in October and one in November, so I do have some back ups should I decide to test my mettle with a 5K. 

 I am making no promises about this 'challenge' and quest to get back into running.   I  have made too many claims about this challenge or that challenge.  But I will say this.....  I like running because I am in competition with myself and no one else.  I like running because it is as simple as me completing my training runs and knowing that putting in the time really is all that is needed.  (Well and a good pair of tennis shoes.).  With running I am in control of my progress.    And it's time to take control and get-a-running!

 

 

 

 

 

  

Amazing bodies: perseverance and a little sadist all thrown together

A few years ago, when I was running consistently I heard about a little known race.  It was of the endurance variety...so while it was interesting, it wasn’t on my radar of races to train for.  However, it was something that I wanted to hear more about.  I tucked the name of the race in the back of my head and vowed to look into it first chance I got.  What is the name of the race?  The Barkley Marathon.  

It wasn’t until 2016 that I had the opportunity to really learn about the race.   Jason and I were looking for a movie to watch and saw this movie called “The Barkley Marathon: The race that eats its young”.  (Amazon affiliate link) My brain immediately regurgitated the information that ‘hey, this is the race I heard about a year or two ago!’  So we decided to watch it.    I was glued to the screen while we watched...totally intrigued....and the fascination has not gone away!  

In brief....this race is brutal!  The title of the documentary ‘the race that eats its young’ is well named.  It is the mastermind of a man named Laz who apparently  has a wicked sense of humor. (Come on now...entry is based on an essay and a $1.60 entry fee....if you are accepted you get a condolence letter, there is a bugler that plays taps...quite frequently, the race starts with a cigarette lighting, just to name a few quirks.).  The race is held in the mountains of Tennessee and was inspired by a prison escape.  Yes a prison escape. A prison is/was nestled in these rugged mountains in in the late 70’s an inmate escaped.   They caught him 55 hours later....he had made it all of 8 miles in those 55 hours....Laz began to mock the story and said ‘I could make it at least 100 miles’.  And the race was born.  To say that this race is brutal is an understatement.  This race has been held yearly since 1986 and to date there have only been 15 people to ever finish it...and only 18 times someone has completed it! (This discrepancy in the numbers...one person finished it two years and another person finished it three times).  When someone does complete it, Laz makes the course more difficult.  What does the race entail?  5 loops of running/climbing/crawling and sliding your way through the rugged woods...with a 60 total time cut off. (No stopping the clock to sleep...if you sleep it eats into your 60 hours)  Each loop is between 20-30 miles....and the whole race requires just under 70,000 feet of climbing.  Oh did I mention that this course is unguided...you have a map and a compass....and it’s mostly NOT on trails.  Brutal!

I watched that first documentary and I was hooked.  I knew the race was held in March or April, so I started looking for reports of the race .  We had a winner!  And a guy local to me!   I devoured the reports..and the winning runner’s blog.   And I actually got emotional when I heard about the guy who made a navigational mistake that cost him time.....in the last 10-30 minutes of the race....and he came in exactly SIX SECONDS after the time cut off. 

I watched again in March/April of 2018 and saw a few reports....no one was able to complete it.. not one person!  If I’m correct no one even made it to attempt a fourth loop!  Not even the guy that was 6 seconds late the previous year.  

And then the other week I noticed a new documentary that came out. Of course we watched it!   It is called “where Dreams Go To Die”.  It follows one runner as he makes multiple attempts to complete this brutal race. Once again, I was enthralled!

The intrigue in this race is very real and strong for me.   I can’t get enough of it....  My mind circles at the training, perseverance, dedication and fortitude to complete something like that. Ok,not even to complete it...to even attempt it.  Most people are lucky to get one loop done.  It blows my mind!    I have no desire to complete it (although Jason said never say never!) but I just can’t atop contemplating and reading about it!  

I think the thing that gets me the most is the mindset.  What these people display is awe inspiring....and SHOULD  translate into my quest for healthy living....because what they are doing is exactly what I SHOULD be doing.. maybe just  in a slightly smaller and less extreme way.   These people have the uttermost determination. They prepare  for months and push through pain and hardship!  They sacrifice...time and comfort.  They lost sleep to finish workouts...they didn’t indulge in certain foods that were not beneficial to their goals.    They figure out how to make this work within a full schedule of work, life and family!  The finisher from 2017 did so with twin babies and a toddler at home...while working a full time job....he commuted to work every day on his own two feet ..more recently on a bicycle as he was training for an Ironman since his Barkley finish.  (as a side note...his shoe leather express commute is probably faster than my commute in a car in D.C. traffic!!).  The second documentary...he has a wife and young son...he makes it work also. 

So what excuses do I have?  My measley half hour workout in the morning is NOTHING compared to the hours these people spend training.  My aches and pain are nothing when I compare myself to the conditions that these people willingly put themselves through.   Being intrigued and immersed in something like the Barkley Marathons puts my excuses into perspective.  They are null and void!!!!

  

Amazing bodies: perseverance and a little sadist all thrown together

A few years ago, when I was running consistently I heard about a little known race.  It was of the endurance variety...so while it was interesting, it wasn’t on my radar of races to train for.  However, it was something that I wanted to hear more about.  I tucked the name of the race in the back of my head and vowed to look into it first chance I got.  What is the name of the race?  The Barkley Marathon.  

It wasn’t until 2016 that I had the opportunity to really learn about the race.   Jason and I were looking for a movie to watch and saw this movie called “The Barkley Marathon: The race that eats its young”.  (Amazon affiliate link) My brain immediately regurgitated the information that ‘hey, this is the race I heard about a year or two ago!’  So we decided to watch it.    I was glued to the screen while we watched...totally intrigued....and the fascination has not gone away!  

In brief....this race is brutal!  The title of the documentary ‘the race that eats its young’ is well named.  It is the mastermind of a man named Laz who apparently  has a wicked sense of humor. (Come on now...entry is based on an essay and a $1.60 entry fee....if you are accepted you get a condolence letter, there is a bugler that plays taps...quite frequently, the race starts with a cigarette lighting, just to name a few quirks.).  The race is held in the mountains of Tennessee and was inspired by a prison escape.  Yes a prison escape. A prison is/was nestled in these rugged mountains in in the late 70’s an inmate escaped.   They caught him 55 hours later....he had made it all of 8 miles in those 55 hours....Laz began to mock the story and said ‘I could make it at least 100 miles’.  And the race was born.  To say that this race is brutal is an understatement.  This race has been held yearly since 1986 and to date there have only been 15 people to ever finish it...and only 18 times someone has completed it! (This discrepancy in the numbers...one person finished it two years and another person finished it three times).  When someone does complete it, Laz makes the course more difficult.  What does the race entail?  5 loops of running/climbing/crawling and sliding your way through the rugged woods...with a 60 total time cut off. (No stopping the clock to sleep...if you sleep it eats into your 60 hours)  Each loop is between 20-30 miles....and the whole race requires just under 70,000 feet of climbing.  Oh did I mention that this course is unguided...you have a map and a compass....and it’s mostly NOT on trails.  Brutal!

I watched that first documentary and I was hooked.  I knew the race was held in March or April, so I started looking for reports of the race .  We had a winner!  And a guy local to me!   I devoured the reports..and the winning runner’s blog.   And I actually got emotional when I heard about the guy who made a navigational mistake that cost him time.....in the last 10-30 minutes of the race....and he came in exactly SIX SECONDS after the time cut off. 

I watched again in March/April of 2018 and saw a few reports....no one was able to complete it.. not one person!  If I’m correct no one even made it to attempt a fourth loop!  Not even the guy that was 6 seconds late the previous year.  

And then the other week I noticed a new documentary that came out. Of course we watched it!   It is called “where Dreams Go To Die”.  It follows one runner as he makes multiple attempts to complete this brutal race. Once again, I was enthralled!

The intrigue in this race is very real and strong for me.   I can’t get enough of it....  My mind circles at the training, perseverance, dedication and fortitude to complete something like that. Ok,not even to complete it...to even attempt it.  Most people are lucky to get one loop done.  It blows my mind!    I have no desire to complete it (although Jason said never say never!) but I just can’t atop contemplating and reading about it!  

I think the thing that gets me the most is the mindset.  What these people display is awe inspiring....and SHOULD  translate into my quest for healthy living....because what they are doing is exactly what I SHOULD be doing.. maybe just  in a slightly smaller and less extreme way.   These people have the uttermost determination. They prepare  for months and push through pain and hardship!  They sacrifice...time and comfort.  They lost sleep to finish workouts...they didn’t indulge in certain foods that were not beneficial to their goals.    They figure out how to make this work within a full schedule of work, life and family!  The finisher from 2017 did so with twin babies and a toddler at home...while working a full time job....he commuted to work every day on his own two feet ..more recently on a bicycle as he was training for an Ironman since his Barkley finish.  (as a side note...his shoe leather express commute is probably faster than my commute in a car in D.C. traffic!!).  The second documentary...he has a wife and young son...he makes it work also. 

So what excuses do I have?  My measley half hour workout in the morning is NOTHING compared to the hours these people spend training.  My aches and pain are nothing when I compare myself to the conditions that these people willingly put themselves through.   Being intrigued and immersed in something like the Barkley Marathons puts my excuses into perspective.  They are null and void!!!!