Traumatic Mountain Bike Weekend

Hello July!   Where in the world did June go?  Seriously, I blinked and it was gone!   I did manage to work on my monthly goals and I feel as if I made some amazing progress during the month of June in some areas.  However in others I feel as if...well...as if I’m spinning wheels and going nowhere.  We had another amazing weekend....even if it was a bit rough at times!  So lots to talk about it all today!!!

The weekend

Wow...Saturday was hot!   

We spent Saturday morning running our errands.  It was also grocery week so that took some extra time!  But by lunchtime we were ready to head out with our bikes!  Did I mention that it was hot?  Oh and did I also mention that my shoulder issue that I wrote about in early May had reared its ugly head again?  Why yes...the arm was aching more all week.   But even with these two factors, we were determined to get out there and keep up the trend that we started...the good habit of riding on the weekends.  I was a bit hesitant about the ache in my shoulder and the heat...but I am tired of being fat and unfit so out I went!

My legs were stiff and tight when I started but they did eventually loosen up and I had a surprise for Jason.  I usually lead the way so I led him to a new trail within the park that we were riding in.  The trail turned out to be short but really cool.  You climb for a short bit and then you ride a ridge for about a half mile. All was going well until.......yup, it happened!  I was traversing the trail and well...I don’t rightly know what happened. I know I skidded a bit and then I was flying through the air.  I ended up in on the side of the trail, tangled up with my bike!    I didn’t care about the bike at that point and just worked to untangle my legs and get the bike away from me!  Jason was by my side in mere seconds.  Honestly, I feel for Jason. I have gone down two other times in front of him...one spectacularly on a trail with a drop off to my right!     Each time I can see the utter panic and terror in his eyes!  Anyway, back to this wee little tumble. I got myself to a sitting position. I had fallen on my right side and my bad shoulder/arm took the brunt of the fall.  But somehow my left wrist ended up scraped.  My right leg had brush burns from my calf up  to and covering my thigh.  And somehow my left ankle ended up with brush burns.  Literally all four quadrants of my body got mangled.  (I don’t THINK I went over the handlebars...but maybe I did!). I sat on the side of the trail a bit.  I may have cried....but not out of pity...out of shock and pain....remember my bad arm/shoulder took the brunt of this fall. The tears stopped and  then I began to moan!   Oh no, I wasn’t in any physical distress!  But I noticed my bike!  My poor perfect baby!  She is perfect no more!  She had a scratch on the front fork!

After whining about my scratch, I got back up on that bike and started riding again.  We rode awhile  and then headed up a big hill.  Halfway up that hill I knew I had a problem.  I stopped.  I started to walk. I didn’t know what the problem was, but I suspected that it was just a let down from the adrenaline rush I had experienced through my tumble off the bike.    I however knew I was pretty much done riding for that day. (Other  than for the return ride back to the car) I pondered my options.  We hadn’t seen a soul on any of the trails. (Did I mention that it was hot...REALLY hot...no other fools were out!).  I caught up with Jason who had stopped to wait for me.  I told him I just wasn’t right... he was concerned but I told him that I wasn’t sick or anything, just probably the after affects of my accident and my shoulder hurting.   I sent him up the hill to finish the trail that we were on/heading to. (It was an out and back).  I took his knife (I knew he wouldn’t leave me out there without some form of protection) and I sat down in the shade to wait for him.   It was exactly what I needed.  

Turns out I was suffering the very early stages of heat stroke. I figured it out while I sat there.  I have had some serious issues with this in the past...even to the point of passing out. But it has been quite a while so it took me a while to put two and two together.   Sitting in the shade sipping my water for the 20 minutes it took him to finish the trail and return was just what I needed. 

He returned to me and we set off back for the car....I was fine!    Well...sore but no longer feeling sick!

So on Sunday we headed out with our bikes again! I was still sore...all over, but I’m no sissy!

We headed to the Trail of Tears.  Yes, back there again.   I had completed it both of the previous weekends so I had no doubts about my abilities.  We also went much earlier in the day to beat the heat.  We started to ride.   I could tell that I was riding a bit more tentatively, I’m assuming due to my tumble from the day before.  About a mile or so into the ride my shoulder started to ache....and then that pain started to radiate into my chest.   Now, I KNOW that the muscle/nerve issue that I’m having will cause that chest to hurt...but when your chest hurts it is hard to NOT obsess about it!   But I kept going.   For some reason my feet would NOT stay on the pedals!  (I will be soon upgrading from the stock cheap pedals to a good pair!).  Then  my hands started to sweat and my grip was constantly slipping!   It was ugly!  My shoulder started to pound with each bump we hit!  And I was stopping constantly to take breaks.  Finally We decided to turn around.  The ride back was BRUTAL!   The pain in my shoulder and arm only intensified.   My right hand and thumb became excruciating pain any time I squeezed the handle bars, shifted gears or used my breaks.   I actually cried the last mile of the ride.  (Yes, I cried while riding...and at one point we stopped to rest and I just kept my head on my handlebars to ‘rest’ and hide my tears.). It was a bad ride all around!  The Trail of Tears took me down again!   But in all fairness...I’m sure a lot of that had to do with the aches and pains from my tumble the day before.  

Even with the two rough rides...between the accident and the bad ride, I saw improvements.  I saw myself get further up a hill than I have before.   I saw myself handle each and every stream crossing without wimping out and walking across.  I definitely saw improvements even amidst the ruin!

My thumb was in bad shape the rest of the day...as in I struggled to hold Jason’s hand because my thumb was that tender.

It was a gorgeous day that we didn’t want to waste.  So after dropping off the bikes.  We turned around and headed out for a hike.  Yup....we were out for about two hours hiking.   Felt good!!!

So we had another active, even if traumatic weekend of exercise!

Food wise, I nailed the weekend!  I was within my target each day!

Monthly Goals

At the beginning of each month I set a few goals for my month.  I have them in the back of my mind during the month...but they are not something I have to think about each day.  (Well...maybe I should!). June was no exception.  I set some goals in this post. 

Here are my June goals with the results!

1.  Track every bite of food!   Victory!
2.  Put money into my savings.   I totally smashed this goal and put quite a bit into my savings account!
3.  Weigh less than I do now!  I don't care if it's a measly ounce...I want to weigh less!   As of the 31st of May that number is 247.2.    I managed this one also...maybe not a smashing success...but I managed this...as of the last day of June my weight was 246.0 (I did see 245.6 on Saturday!)
4.  Do something active (a walk suffices) at least 3 times a week and at least two runs a week.  I had to adjust my goals mid way through.  I decided that I couldn’t focus on biking AND running and have any success at both.  So running is on the back burner until a time when biking is easy and then I will jump back into running.  But in terms of exercise. I walked at work most days...and we got at least two HARD bike rides in each week!  So VICTORY!!  I have also seen some incredible improvements on the bike!  I have been mountain biking religiously each week and it seems as if each week I see some sort of improvement.  

5. Keep my eating in check for at least 6 days a week. I managed this.  There were a few days that I was higher but it was almost always totally in check!

7.   Walk at least  of 5 k steps a day at least five days a week..no more average for the month!!!  This is the rough one. I didn’t make this one!!  But I came very close.  I will be adjusting this goal in future months!

8.  Transparency with my weight...even if it goes up!!! (Not gonna.. thisis my month!!!). I feel as if I have continued the trend of transparency!!

So what are July goals?

1.  Track every bite of food! 
2.  Put money into my savings. 
3.  Weigh less than I do now!  I don't care if it's a measly ounce...I want to weigh less!   As of the 30th of May that number is 246.0.
4.  Do something active (a walk suffices) at least 3 times a week and aim for at least two bike rides a week.

5. Keep my eating in check for at least 6 days a week. 

7.   Walk at least  of 5 k steps a day at least four of my work days.   Weekends...I need the steps OR a bike ride!  

8.  Transparency with my weight...even if it goes up!!! 

So there you have it.  My crazy weekend and a recap of my monthly goals.   July goals are quite similar with just a few tweaks!   But I am confident that July will see more weight loss and even more improvement on the bike!!

Aleve: was that really the cause of my weight gain?

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I have recently pondered if  any medication I was taking was causing a weight gain (a sudden spike in my weight).  I researched and couldn’t find any evidence of the medications I was taking to cause a weight gain.  I therefore threw up my hands and accepted my overnight gain of 7 pounds as ‘my fault’. It was totally disheartening!  It had been two weeks and I am no longer taking the medication....and I am cautiously optimistic that the weight is gone....and I think I know the culprit...prescription strength Aleve.  I am pretty sure that the Aleve was causing weight gain. 

Weight gain after taking medications

A few weeks ago I had an issue with my shoulder   When I went to the urgent care I was advised that I had a muscle issue that was inflamed and that in turn had caused a pinch nerve.  It was painful and no fun.  They prescribed medication to ease the pain and suffering and to also help alleviate the problem so that my body could heal.   I immediately started the medication regime. The medication helped the pain in my shoulder and arm!   However the pain in my heart started the next morning when I stepped on the scales and found my weight to be 7 pounds higher!  I figured it was some anomaly and that it would right itself the next day.  But that was not to be...my weight remained high!

I researched the various medications that I was on.  I saw no direct links to weight gain with any of them!  I was disheartened and disgusted....because if the medications didn’t cause my overnight spike, the fault was my own....and I couldn’t figure out what in the world else would have caused it!

I hate taking medication.  Since the more ‘potent’ medications were labeled ‘as needed’ I only took them sparingly.  I quickly realized that that luckily for me, they were not the ones that were helping the most. So after a few days I stopped taking them completely. (But I still carried them with me, just in case.) I however continued taking the prescription strength Aleve, as that was the key for my problem!

My weight remained high and I went through a week or so of desperation as my weight stayed 7 pounds higher than my pre-medication weight.  As I stated earlier I hate taking medications so a few days back I stopped taking the  prescription strength Aleve. (And other than a few twinges of pain, I’ve been fine.).  Waiting 24 hours of stopping the Aleve, my weight started to drop!   As of this morning...my weight has returned to what it was right before I went to urgent care.  Hallelujah!!!

I saw no official studies on this.  This is only my experience, but for me, next time I end up taking Aleve, I am not going to panic if my weight pops up on the scales!    Will I still take Aleve?  Absolutely!  I’ll take the prescription strength Aleve again if needed!   I will also keep the over the counter strength Aleve in my cabinet, it was the best thing I found for back pain!  (Amazon affiliate link). 

Week in Review

This week has been a rough one for me!  I have been exhausted!  Jason has at one or times questioned me about my quietness, because it is abnormal for me (I know that shocks you to know that I may be a bit verbose! Hahaha). I just respond that I’m tired.   I have also sat and just cried because of my exhaustion.  (I cry when I’m tired, it’s like my emotions flare up!). It’s been a long week!  

I managed to get some lunch time walks on.   However after work exercise has not yet recommenced!  Shame on me!

My food has been pretty good!  I haven’t been actually tracking my food (Which is a fail for my monthly goals) but I have been keeping a rough mental tally in my head, so I know that I’m not out of control.  

It’s been a normal work week!  Tiring and long.  But I did take some time for self care.  I did make some overdue appointments (eye check and dentist cleaning).   

So there you have it, my week in review  and my self discovery in regards to my weight gain in relation to the medications that I was taking for my shoulder issues, in particular Aleve.  It won’t change my behavior about taking medications but I like being in the know!  This way I will not take it as a personal failure the next time I take the same medication and experience a weight gain!

Rain rain go away: washed up plans for exercise

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What is it with weekends and the Firecasfed rain?  Of all starts on fridays.  Of all of the fridays thus far in 2019, only two have been rain free.   Most of them recently have been wild storms with winds and/or buckets of hard rain coming down.  And that only leads into the weekend.  For the weekend we either contend with tons of mud outside or more rain!  This past weekend was no exception.  It ruined any hope of being outside....well being comfortably outside and active!  However, that may have been a good thing...sometimes the best laid plans don’t work out and it ends up being for the best!

About a week ago I alluded in a previous post to some mysterious pain in my arm. It was a pain that had been minor and fleeting for a while but had quickly escalated last weekend into a more constant full ache with moments of ‘take my breath away pain’.  I wasn’t happy, of course but settled in and took steps to try to relax and not use that arm as much to allow it time to heal.   Of course that is easier said than done...when it is your dominant side!  The week had its ups and downs.   I would have times where I was pretty stationary (at my desk at work) and the pain would simmer down. But then I would have moments where I would unwittingly use the arm and the pain would flair up.  By Friday night it was bad...constant pain and pain that radiated down to my thumb and up to and through my shoulder.  I was concerned!  I tried to rest it on Saturday...but by Saturday evening I couldn’t use at all  it and my range of motion in the shoulder was nearly gone!   Sleep on Saturday night was horrible.  I woke up nearly in tears twice from the pain.   

Sunday morning arrived and there was no question about it.  I had to see a doctor.   60 minutes (yay it was a quick visit) and one urgent care visit later and I was diagnosed.  

The fact that my early symptoms were more muscular...it was more of an achy muscle pain for weeks lead her to start with this diagnosis.  Early on I would move my arm and I would have that sharp ache of a muscle that had just been worked out...you know, that pain you get when your muscles have been used well!  Except, I hadn’t worked out!  It only degenerated into something more the day that I was using my arm and constantly feeling that pain...which indicates something going on with that muscle.  But the radiating and numbing feeling in my thumb...and the fact that I could trace the pain the whole way from my shoulder to my thumb pointed to a pinched nerve.   A one two punch...the one causes compression of the other which causes more pain.  

So she sent me home with a prescription for muscle relaxers and prescription strength anti inflammatory meds (I had already been taking Advil on Saturday because I could FEEL the heat of the inflamation in my shoulder...but hey...my insurance pays for the RX ones...go ahead and give me a prescription!).  I am to use these for a week or two to allow relief AND with that relief to give my body time to heal.  If after a week I am not better, I have a referral for physical therapy.

I got the meds filled and immediately popped one of each pills.  (The muscle relaxer could be one or two every 6 hours as needed).   They didn’t touch it at all!   I took the second muscle relaxer about an hour later and shortly thereafter I felt relief for the first time in days.  Not totally gone but I was able to move and only felt the slight twinge.

I am crossing my fingers that my body heals on its ownwoth the aid of the meds to keep me relaxed and pain free.  I have a high deductible and physical therapy would be coming out of my pocket!  

So it was a pain filled weekend and a weekend of lots of rain!  We did our shopping and ran some errands.  I bought a new pair of  tennis shoes.  I’ve been wanting to try the brand Altra ..(amazon associate link) and have vowed to try them the next time I needed new tennis shoes. I knew i was going to need them soon, so when I found them on sale, I bought them!!!  These shoes have quickly taken the trail users by storm.  Many people now swear by them to hike and trail run! Jason has had a pair and said they are the most comfortable shoes that he has ever worn.  The toe box IS large so it gives your toes room to wiggle and breathe...but as a downside it does look a bit clownish. But who cares...I’m looking for confort!  

On Sunday after the muscle relaxers kicked in we headed to a mall where there was an animal show.  $14 bucks a piece later and we had seen it.  Some of the animals were neat...and they are all rescue animals...and the money goes to help rescue animals...so a good cause...but a bit overpriced for what we got.  The Brazilian armadillo was cute though!!  

It was a good way to spend a rainy pain recovery day.

Now on to the work week...I plan on taking it easy...continuing the meds and getting this problem healed so that I can get more active!  I have some weight to lose!!!

Today’s the day

It’s Monday!   And there is no work for me today.  I have the day off!   I have plans and I’ll be on the go all day!  Just as busy as a normal day...busier probably!  

The weekend was fun.  

 I spent a LOT of time working on my dollhouse!   Much progress was made!  The nursery has been papered and flooring laid.   The living room has been started also....lots of painting happening there!   I have also started the process of making a crib.  Yes I said making!   I decided to try my hand at making my own furniture...a crib.   Hey, why not?  So all of my pieces are cut for that....and the forst step is glued and drying!!!  (Probably dry...but maybe I’ll have time to glue the next step before I head out this morning!!!). I’ve got the bug to work on it again!!!

We spent most of Sunday roaming around “The Great Frederick Fair”.    We checked out all the fair entries....roamed the barns....circled the midway...checked out the venders.   And when we had completed one complete circuit of everything, we did it again!   And again.   Until we were absolutely wiped out!!!

I chose to allow myself ONE fair food indulgence.   I chose a funnel cake.  It was good..and I didn’t eat the whole thing. 

I didn’t drink enough and it was hot!

My weight is way out of whack today.  Grrrr!  I know why it’s out of whack, but that doesn’t make it any better...because today is my doctors appointment for that appeal for my weight...to pay quite a bit less on my health insurance!

This weekend we stopped by my mom’s and I also stopped in to visit my brother as he recovers.  Recovers?   Yes he is an avid bike rider.   On Labor Day he was out riding with a group of people and had an accident.  (Nope...not hit by a car...which was my first thought when I heard he was in the hospital.).  He broke his pelvis and had surgery but is home now.  He is doing REaLLY well!  Much better than I thought he would be doing.   

But why did I bring this up?   Because I want to be like him!  (Ok, I’ve always wanted to be like my amazing brother...cuz I had one of the best brothers a girl could ever have!).  But this instance?   My brother bikes a LOT!  Day in and day out he is out on that bike pedaling mad miles!    He is in incredible shape and you can see it...but two stories highlighted it...and one in particular hit me...

The first story was about how he was in the ER and had been there for hours.   He closed his eyes and started to drift off to sleep.  And the monitors started to sound an alarm.   Why?  He was just sleeping!  It turns out that his resting heart rate is really low because of his incredible fitness level and  it set off the monitor!  Isn’t that nuts? 

But the second story is the one that got me.   The EMS that arrived after they called 911 was  trying to get my brother up and walking...advising him to ‘walk it off’. Now seriously, he rides 8000-10000 a  miles a year.  That’s a lot of miles...you don’t do that without pain and lots of aches.   But my brothers comment.  ‘I do pain for fun’. (In regards to his long rides).  And THAT is the comment that has stuck with me.   He is in amazing shape....but he runs TOWARD pain in order to get to that point.  Most of us shrink away and retreat from the aches and pains of bettering ourselves.       He runs toward the constant Aches...not the pain of a broken pelvis!). It’s a different mindset...and one I really need to ponder more fully in regards to my personal quest for health!!!

And finally..some fair pictures!

Two steps forward two steps.....

This weight thing for me seems to be two steps forward then two steps back.     For the month of march I stayed pretty close to 238.4 for my official weigh ins.  I would show progress during the week but then on my official weigh in I would go right back to the 238.4....I referred to this as my boomerang weight  I was frustrated but still pushed forward. Then for my official weigh in on April 5th I had a break through and I was down to 237!   Woohoo!   But on April 12th I was back up and even higher...I was up to 239!    Let me tell you, utterly frustrating!!!!   

I made a vow last week to make some changes.   I have been trying to and I even did good at the beach this past weekend.  I was happy to see the numbers on scale on Monday ( 236.4) and Tuesday.  (236).    I was thinking great things for today's weigh in.  

I woke up thirsty and knew it wasn't going to be all that great even though my eating was pretty good yesterday.    I was right.   237.0 

Soooo.....take we will take this weigh in however the mood strikes ...but here are the options...

*** Up a pound from yesterday

*** Down two pounds from last week 

*** Maintain from two weeks ago

I ran yesterday morning.  And it went well.  It still isn't fabulous but I'm enjoying it a whole lot more than a few weeks ago.   It's amazing what a little soul searching does!!!!

I'm having problems with pain on the  top of my foot.  A doctor once told me it was a nerve issue.   It has come and gone for a few years.   Late last week it came.    I meant to tape my foot (KT tape has helped some in the past....) on Saturday because I knew we would be out and walking all day. (We ended up putting more than 11 miles on our feet that day!). But I forgot.  And I paid the price.  By the end of the day the pain was really kicking!!!   Believe me, I remembered to tape it on Sunday!!!  The foot still twinges on Sunday but it was a whole lot more bearable!!! (And we didn't walk quite as much since we had to factor in the 4 hour drive home.).    I forgot to tape it on my run on Tuesday...and it bothered me.    Gotta get more tape....gotta keep it taped for a few days....because I want this pain GONE!  It can come back another day never!!!

Just as a side note...I have hit my 10k steps goal 9 out of the last 10 days!    I'm making some great progress toward my mileage goal.

Deep and dark

I was lounging in the hot tub, trying to relax my back (which is actually feeling much better...still tender, but much better) and I was lamenting the fact of "WHY ME"  Why do I end up with a bad back....yeah, I know it's a repeat of a previous issue...but why me????   Why me when it comes to the plantar fasciitis and tarsal tunnel?   Why me????    What about 'the bone???  Why me???     My shoulder muscle that seizes up on me sporadically????   Why me???  My knees???  Why me????

As I sat there lamenting the fact that I have these issues that keep popping up and I was feeling sorry for myself. And then I sat up straighter (or as straight as my back would allow at the moment) and I told myself.  Seriously MF?   What did you expect?  You allowed your weight to rise to over 300 pounds...you lost the weight and felt great and you were stupid enough to allow some of that weight to creep back on.  You've abused your body...and this is the price!   Yes, I've done this all to myself!  

But you know what...I KNOW that a lot of the issues disappear as the weight leaves my body...so I'm going to work on that!!!!!!

I have a deep dark confession to make.  Last night I had a mandatory training for work.  (Anti- money laundering...WEEEE!  I know, I know..you are jealous!)  They fed us.  Last night they brought in subway subs, chips and some packaged cookies.   I took a turkey (no cheese ironically enough...weird) sub...3 inches and about 5 chips.  I actually in the middle of the training snuck my phone out and entered in my food on MFP.  I had some calories left and was excited thinking that I could have one of my cups of ice cream that I have in the freezer.   (prepackaged by Moi)  I had the calories for it!   I decided to grab a can of diet soda on the way out ....why, because I could.  I had drank water the whole meeting and I was actually fine with water.   But right beside the cooler of drinks was the table of cookies.  Yeah, I was bite by the Keebler bug. I won't even say how many I ate...just suffice it to say that it was too many....probably about 6 too many.  (hey, they were small!)  YES, I had 6 of those things!!!!!

Yeah, when I went  get the picture, I saw the calorie count....3 cookies are 140 calories so I ate 280 calories.  I started with one...and it tasted soooo dang good. That puppy melted in my mouth!  Seriously, I was going to only eat one!  I had the calories for it!   But one turned into a handful that I devoured in the car on the way home!   GRRRR

But it didn't stop there.........I got home and I was still hungry.  So I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Wow...another 200-300 calories some calories .  And then simply because ice cream was in my mind, I had my cup of ice cream!   C

Can we say binge????????  378 calories over budget for the day.  GRRRRRRR

Run run as fast as you can, you can't catch me.........

I woke up this morning and I sooooo did not want to run.  I had made plans to run with my friend Paula. I laid in bed dreading it.  I secretly hoped that she would text me and cancel. I checked my phone….nothing!   I got up to go to the bathroom and I felt a twinge in my ankle.  I seriously thought about cancelling. I was hurt you know!  I checked my phone again when I laid back down.  No cancellation text.  Yeah, I can run on the foot, I can just wear an ankle brace or tape it up with KT tape, so I didn’t text to cancel.  Rain!   It was supposed to rain!  Maybe it was raining and I could be like “nope, can’t run it’s raining and it’s a cold rain” Yes, that was my excuse.  That worked until I pulled back the blinds and saw…..sunshine.  Well, then.  I guess I was running.  I wore and ankle brace for that twinge and I was off.

Ok, so my friend Paula runs at a fast pace than me.  YIKES!   When we go out running together, she is always running a few paces ahead of me.  I feel like she’s the carrot dangling before me and I’m chasing after it.  Or alternately, I’m the lead ball that she’s pulling along with her when she runs….slowing her down. 

The good news is that she runs intervals so if I can keep up (within a few feet)  she will stop to walk a bit.  That’s good, those walking segments allow me to catch my breath and continue on when it is next time to run.  It’s also good because I know that interval running helps with speed.  And heaven knows I need speed. 

I’m tired of the same story…so I’m not going to tell it.  I’m not going to talk about my eating that isn’t ‘bad’ but isn’t spot on.  Nope…just not gonna talk about it.  I meant to weigh myself this morning. (Gasp) but I forgot.  No, truly I forgot. I remembered when I was fully dressed, shoes on and walking out the door.  I plan on weighing tomorrow…pinky swear!

I’m still in my heel wearing kick.  And yes, it’s making me want to bike and run to really get the legs that the heels can show off!  J  Hopefully this upcoming weekend Todd and I can get out and ride on the canal….we are both off Friday, Saturday and Sunday to celebrate our 12 year wedding anniversary.

So I leave you with some pictures......dorky ...but fun from post run this morning!  I just realized that it looks like I have no arm in that baggy sleeve ....it was a Chicago hat day and why yes, I wore my glasses to run and why yes, I ran through a constant fog the whole time!   And of course Paula. She was talking about getting a new headband...something she can wear in the summer....pink of course.  I think the pink headband may be her thing.  :-)

Last but not least I give you our stats. I chose her stats....they were nicer than my stats, even though we did run side by side he whole dang time (or rather kinda side by side...me two paces behind)

I don't wanna

I came inside after pushing mowing the yard.  I walked into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet a I waited for the shower to warm up.  I couldn't help it, the tears started to fall.

Let me back up and start at the beginning.  On Tuesday morning I woke up and jumped out of bed ready to go for my run.  Immediately I felt a twinge of pain on my heel.  I thought about it and just carried on.  I was a bit nervous, but that pain dissipated and during my run I didn't feel a thing.   That day I would occasionally feel a twinge or two when I got up to walk, but it disappeared and thus didn't phase me.  Wednesday I once again felt some twinges but nothing too worrisome, I went to zumba and that is where it changed.  The pain worsened.  Thursday during work I actually looked up heel pain and saw a few things, OK OK OK, there was really only one major thing that kept popping up.  Planters Fasciitis   Undeterred I headed out for my walk with Sherry.    We headed out and I was fine.  A mile or so into our walk I could feel some twinges but nothing major.  By the last 1/4 of a mile I was in some serious pain.  Sherry also rattled off the same diagnosis when iI told her my pain. I went home and limped around making dinner.  Friday was more of the same....almost constant pain when I got up to walk...but it eased up as I moved....but then worsened again if I remained on the foot.  After work brought a chore that I couldn't ignore for any longer.  I went out with the push mower and mowed for about 2 hours. 

And that brings me to sitting in the bathroom crying.  I was waiting for the shower to warm up to wash away the grim and sweat from my mowing job and I sat crying.  At  the risk of sounding like a spoiled rotten kid....  I don't want to be injured.  Seriously.  I don't want to!   I'm on a path of forward motion.  I've hit my stride.  An injury is not what I want right now (or ever really).  I have weight to lose right now tough.  I'm on a roll, I don't want to stop the momentum!  No, I cant be injured!   I'm going to sit back and rest it for the next few days.  If it doesn't settle down, I'll hit up the doctor next week. 

Taking a deep breath.   one thing I saw about planters fasciitis is that it's caused primarily by running and a little less commonly by people that participate in dance aerobics.  It's seen often in obese people and also in people that are wearing high heels.  I fit all four out those categories (I wear heels to work  lot in the summer).    The GOOD thing is that while they sy stop doing the offending activities, they recommend switching to swimming and bicycling.     SOOOO I should be ok out on my bike.  I'm going to change my tire tonight (at least that's the plan, I'm beat right now) and go for a ride tomorrow!

I may be stressed out about this turn of events but I REFUSE to let it get me down!

Pain

“I don’t like to go to class with this new instructor.  I am in pain.  I won’t ever come back to that class!”   I heard this refrain time and time again.  Sometimes it is about running.  Sometimes it was about biking.  Occasionally it was about walking.  People would try something new and when it hurt they would whine about the pain and run away. 

  I sit back and watch people when they talk about exercise and fitness.  It's very interesting, even more so because I've been on both sides of the spectrum.  I've been in the camp that "I can't exercise because it hurts me."   So many people start an exercise regime and then back off because of how they hurt.  They wake up the next morning stiff and it's difficult to move.  They stretch and it aches a bit.  They are sore and yes, tired.  So they run away screaming and crying that exercise is not for them.  Some just run away from that particular exercise.  "I can't run because it hurts."  Or "I can't go to zumba because my knees ache."  They run away.  Yes, they are excuses (which I've talked about extensively;  here and here just to name two more recent posts!) And yes, they are valid excuses, these people REALLY do hurt.  I'm not disputing that.  Exercise hurts, plain and simple.  If you are doing it right and really pushing yourself to improve, it will hurt.  The problem is that we as Americans run from pain like it's the plague.  (I'm not talking like pain from a broken foot, or pain from cancer.  Yes, THAT is pain and that is pain that we SHOULD be afraid of.) 

Somehow it clicked with me a few months back.  I realized that I WILL hurt.   It's not really pain as much as it is discomfort (Although when I've really pushed myself it surely feels like pain...but realistically speaking it is more discomfort.)  It clicked that this discomfort was good.  And for some reason I embraced the pain. I embraced the fact that trying something new was going to hurt.  I embraced the fact that running would hurt some days.  I embraced the fact that I would hurt and on a daily basis.  

Somewhere, somehow in the last 100 years or so we as Americans have been brainwashed retaught the belief that pain is a bad thing.   If it hurts, don't do it.  What kind of mentality is that?   How will you EVER succeed if you don't push yourself past a little discomfort.      Our ancestors were not afraid of pain.  Our forefathers sacrificed a lot to settle and survive in harsh territories.  Our ancestors faced unmanageable pain when they  fought for freedom.  History shows that pain was a very real and very present fact of life.  They didn’t run at the first sign of pain.  If they had, we would not be free.   Their families wouldn’t have food.  Our world would not have evolved into what it is today.  

So where did we go wrong?  I have no clue and it’s not really important.   The important thing is to recognize this tendency to flee from pain.   Real and true pain is something that we should be on the guard for.  However, we need to recognize that what we perceive as pain is really progress.

Like I said, I’ve begun to embrace pain.  The beauty of pain is this……by ignoring the aches and pains that pushing my body brings, I have been able to see myself progress further than I EVER thought was possible.   

So how HAVE I learned to push myself past this pain.  The best example is a bike ride I had the other week.  I wanted to quit.  Ohhh, I wanted to quit so bad.  I had a mental conversation with myself.  “Was I dying?”   The answer was no.  “Were my legs in danger of falling off of my body?”   The answer was no.  “So what’s the issue?”   And the answer?  I guess there is no issue!  I pushed through it.  I admit that I was sore and achy.  But that ride gave me a sense of accomplishment that filled me with confidence and self satisfaction.  That ride ALSO helped me gain progress in my long term bike riding goals.  It was a win win.  If I had quit I may not have LOST, but I certainly wouldn’t have won!   I want to WIN!

Excuses

Drat but I hate excuses! I'm finding that I have no tolerance for excuses of late.  I hear the excuses why people can't exercise.  Some of the excuses are nuts too. Stuff like,  'My big toe has  a pimple on it so I won't be able to exercise for the next five days.'  and I just want to say 'so?'  Ok maybe the excuses are not as far fetched as that...but it sure feels like it.     Excuses have no place in my vocabulary. 

My spiel about excuses said, I'm struggling.  I ran yesterday morning and had a phenomenal run.  Seriously...I ran faster longer and more consistently than ever before.  I amazed myself.  (And ironically my original thought process for today's blog was to talk about how amazing our bodies are and how our bodies can do things that stun us if we only try....but I digress).  I went to work and my legs tingled throughout the day.  I could feel the muscles.  That's ok.  I'm not stupid enough to think it isn't going to hurt.  But my feet just ACHE.  My bone (a pain I've had since childhood) reared its ugly head.  It was rough.   But excuses are excuses so I went to Zumba last night and powered through.  I actually felt better when it was over.   (And not because it was over...my body felt not as achy)

This morning is when I hit the wall.  I was set to wake up at 5:30...ride my bike from 6 to 7 then have a nice breakfast and run an errand or two and then come to work.  I woke up at 5:30 just fine.  (5:20 actually). And that's where it went sour.  I dozed and fell back asleep.  I moved and realized my back was really hurting (same area that went out a few years back...it sometimes bothers me). My feet hurt and well....I listened to those darn excuses and voila...no bike ride for mf this morning. Grrrr.   It's stinkin' hot out today....and my time is tight tonight.   I swore I was riding today.   I've thought about making today a rest day and riding tomorrow.  I've toyed with lots....but I'm disgusted because I let excuses rule my decision.  

 Don't worry...I've got a tentative plan though!

Heartbreak

I vowed a long time ago to be open and honest on this blog.  A few months back I recommitted and said "I'm no longer hiding aspects of my life'.  So yes, I'm heartbroken today.

Yesterday the bubble that I had created around myself...that happy bubble was pierced.  It was pierced in a sharp and painful way.  It knocked me back a few feet and I'm not sure that my heart can heal from it this time.  I'm not sure what I'm doing or even what end is up right now.

I got home last night and the last thing I wanted to do was eat.  The thought of food turned my stomach.  I had my food planned out though, so eat I did. I knew that I needed to fuel my body even if my mind said not eat.   It was a light dinner so it wasn't a big concern.    I choked down my planned dinner and then curled up in bed with a book.  What better way to forget the world than with a good read.  

This morning arrived and I laid in bed.  I had a run scheduled.  I didn't want to move.  I wanted to stay in my bed and just vegetate.  Fridays are technically my day of rest so it wouldn't have been difficult for me to skip the run.  However, I took off Monday this week so really I've already utilized my rest day.  Finally at about 8AM I decided.  I knew that if I didn't run, that I would kick myself because I've been doing so good and..... well.....exercise has been my happy place lately.

I rolled out of bed, threw on my clothes and headed out.  The first mile was ok....I was so focused on my own internal thoughts that I forgot about what I was doing.  I ran up the hill that I normally walk up and I was just powering through.  (with a decent pace...for me).   But the second mile hit me hard.  I just lost my steam.  I dropped down to a walk for a few paces, to let my HR settle and tried to run again.  It just wasn't happening.    I thought about taking a shortcut back to my car, but I didn't.  I walked the rest of my mileage.   So there was a victory...I WENT out and exercised.   There was a failure....I gave up and walked.   But that led to a victory...I still completed my mileage, just at a walk.

So why did I run out of steam?   Well couple reasons.  One, my mind is totally preoccupied and lost in everything else...so my mental game wasn't there.  Two, it's hard to run and cry at the same time (well, it is if you typically run at your max HR).  and Three (and I suspect three is the biggest reason).  Remember I didn't want to eat last night?   Yeah, I didn't want to eat this morning either....so I went out on a totally empty stomach.  Literally I ran out of steam......

Sadistically Sore

I have been rocking my workouts. I've been trying to push myself in my workouts....push myself to the next level, really give it my all!  I can feel it in my muscles.  Muscle aches have been my constant companion of late.    Lets see, there was Zumba Sentao on Monday night.  Don't let the Zumba Sentao description kill you.  Zumba centered around a chair.  Chair exercises...easy peasy right?   NO NO NO, think push ups, planks, squats, all while you are 'dancing' around.  It's crazy hard and the muscles twinge after a session.  (you know it's a good workout when your instructor comes back the next day and says "Is anyone else sore from Sentao last night, because I sure am!"   And this is a lady that leads upwards toward 30 zumba classes a week...at age 65)  Then I went to zumba on Tuesday night.  I left my class on Tuesday night and felt vibrant and full of energy so after my quick dinner, I hopped on the exercise bike!    Therefore, since I was off work on Wednesday afternoon, I decided to go for broke.  I went to the early zumba class at 5:30.  I pushed myself through that hour and five minutes (she went 5 minutes over...and yes, I'm counting those five minutes).  I had a ten minute breather and then I started my second sixty minute class (5 minutes over again).  So 130 minutes of hard core jumping, squats, lunges, toning.  I got home and my muscles were shot!!!!  I was plumb tuckered out.      I woke up this morning and felt twinges in my arms, my legs and most of all, my abs!  Weeeeeee   I hate the pain, that first feeling of moving and just wanting to groan.  However, I just want to grin every time these twinges hit me.  I LOVE the feeling of the twinges.  It's a badge of pride that I ache.

Friday morning chit chat

I heard the best statement this morning. It was made by someone who was working out...and feeling the pain of it as she pushed herself. Her comment... "I've learned that I need to welcome pain, for it is through pain that I learn, grow and mature and succeed". How true is that. It's true in exercise. We can't get further until we push ourselves into that realm of pain. Into that realm where things are uncomfortable. But also, in our lives....the pain helps us grow and mature. Really....how profound is that statement?

Just a review. Last Sunday I weighed in at 184.4 pounds. On Monday I was 185.4 (most likely water retention). I didn't weigh myself at home anymore since then (official weigh in ws 183 at my meeting). Well, this morning I weighed myself. I weighed in at a fantastic 181.4 pounds! that's like incredible! And including today I've still got 4 days to go until my official weigh in day!!!! It just seems as if the weight is dropping off of me. I know that it is in large part due to the mental shift that has occured within me. But I hope that whatever plateau that I kept hitting at around 180 is BEHIND me! FOR GOOD. I so want to power into the 170's SOON! At the rate I've been losing......next week maybe???? :-)

I'm going to so kill Todd's mothers cat. Ok...maybe not kill it...because she can't help it. You see...she's getting old....I think she is still mourning over the loss of Judy (todd's mother)..and well....she's old. BUT does she have to puke EVERY morning at 4:45???? BESIDE ME! This morning it was on the floor...yesterday I heard her 'gearing' up while she laid on the pillow beside my head (yeah, I threw her on the floor pretty darn fast!). The problem.....5 is just too close to when I typically wake up...so then I lay there awake..unable to sleep. Yesterday i went out and made the biscotti early. This morning because i had to work, I got up and rode the exercise bike for 45 minutes....i was slow and sluggish though...only made it 12.1 miles....oh well. I was showered and dressed and ready for work by 6AM. Ohhh....I don't have to leave for work until 7:40. What do do with time like that? Yeah, I could have cleaned my house...but oh well....that wasn't going to happen this morning! :-)

I'm planning on a thorough cleaning tomorrow afternoon. I work until noon...and when I get home I have to decorate a cake (which I'm baking tonight) and then I'll clean the house. Ohhh the cake I'm decorating..Here's a laugh. It's a guitar shaped cake (borrowed the pan from my mom)....but it's for a guy who is totally into southern rock music...and apparently the confederate flag....with a white bird is a big deal (ok...displaying my southern rock innocence right about now). SOOOO I'm decorating this guitar cake as a confederate flag (and i have a little white bird to put on it...) crazy isn't it? Oh well...twill be a challenge. My mom and one of her friends that decorates cakes thinks I'm utterly insane to even attempt it. We'll see how it goes! :-)

It is pouring rain here right now!!! Utterly ugly outside! My consolation...I'm working open to close here today....so I wouldn't be outside anyway...and most likely after 10.5 hours, I would go home and veg out anyway...wait, I've got dinner to make and a cake to bake (make, bake cake...haa haa haaa) so I wouldn't be able to be outside anyway..I guess it all works out for the best doesn't it?

Got my points all planned out for today. As long as I can hold firm and not eat any crumbs from the cake...or any cake batter, i'll be good. Oh well...if I could do it yesterday, I can do it today. And you know what.....It's purely a thing of pride now......I don't want to do succumb...simply to prove to myself that I can do it! the biggest problem.....is not refraining from eating, ie making that concious decision to not eat it....it's the mindless stuff....I caught myself a few times yesterday just picking up a piece or bite of something and getting ready to pop it into my mouth! EII YII YII But yesterday I was able to stop myself. I will today also!

I was hoping to walk on my lunch break today, as i did last week. however, with the rain that will not be happening. Oh well. At least I got some exercise in this morning! I think Todd has to be up and out of the house tomorrow morning at by 7am...so I may ride super early in the morning. Then if I want, I can get a double ride in by riding after I clean and decorate the cake. Yep..I'm going to do everything i can to help power this weight off!