Mid month check in: it’s UGLY

 

I can hardly believe that we are midway through the month of March!  How crazy is that?  Time is just flying!   I am so happy to see spring arrive!  I get tired of the dark cold of winter!   So I figured that this week for my Friday post I will touch base on all that has happened in the month of March thus far  and see what I have been doing in terms of healthy living.

Before we go any further, let me say that I am in complete despair!  A few days ago I mentioned my knee hurting.  It was really bad last Friday and while I have had moments of if feeling ‘ok’, I have also had moments of constant horrible pain with it.   I know arthritis.  I know that I have two things that I need to do with all due haste.  I know that I need to lose weight!  I need to do this sooner rather than later.  I also know that I need to exercise.  It sounds counterintuitive to exercise and use the painful knee, but I KNOW that exercise will help in the long run.   I have taken some healthy steps toward those two things in the last few days, and I AM proud of myself.  HOWEVER, yesterday morning I was in the car on the way to work.  (Why do I have these deep thoughts in the car during my commute…..the other week it was during my commute and listening to Pink ..ohhh my, I was listening to Pink again today…maybe it’s not the commute, but rather the music of Pink!  I know I used to say that I had better runs when I listened to her music while running….maybe….)  I was driving and rubbing my aching knee and I had the most despairing fearful thought.  What if?  What if I had dodged the bullet with my arthritic knees the last time by losing the weight.  But what if that was only a one time ‘pass’.  What if the damage this time was permament?  What if losing weight would not fix the problem?  What if exercise had no bearing on managing the pain?   What if I was destined to live a life of pain in my knee for the rest of my life.   How would I survive that?   Was it too late?  How many free passes does one get in their life for something like this?   (And let me be clear….when I lost the weight it didn’t go away….it was just greatly reduced and quite a bit more manageable.)  By all things that are holy, these thoughts scared the living daylights out of me.  I’m NOT giving up!  I am going to try to fix this as soon as possible to try to minimize any long term damage that is currently happening.  I am going to push forward with the assumption that my efforts WILL be the change needed to get back to a more manageable level of arthritis.  I’ve got this!

 

So March.  In terms of my health it certainly came in like a lion!  I had set some monthly goals for myself for the month of March.

They are as follows:

1.        Track every bite of food

2.       Put money into the savings

3.       Weigh less 

4.       Do something active three times a week

5.       Keep my calories within my caloric range at least 6 days a week

6.       5000 steps a day.

A few days ago I sat down with my stats and I was APPALLED at my efforts for the month.  I’m telling you, the month came in like a Lion (now I just need to make it go out like a lamb).   I have always been brutally honest so here it is…the good (better look hard to find that), the bad (lots of that to see) and the ugly (oh yeah, it’s ugly).

1.        Tracking my food each and every day.  I THOUGHT that I had done this spectacularly.  But when I went to input my information onto my day planner (One place for all my information, so I transcribe the info from my various apps)  I found that on march 5 I failed to track anything at all.  I figured this out on Tuesday….a week later.  There was no way I remembered what I had eaten on Tuesday, so that is a total loss!    On the good side, I DID track every other day!

2.       Money into savings.  Ding ding ding.  I did this!

3.       Weigh less.  Uhhhh not happening.  I have fluctuated and have been most of the time at the high end of the fluctuation....so three pounds over my beginning of the month weight.  (It is starting to drop this week as I have really buckled down)

4.       Do something active.  My first 9 days of the month I did NOTHING!   I have done better this past week! (The fear about my knee spurred me forward.)

5.       Keep my calories within my caloric range at least 6 days a week.  In the first 9 days of the month, I was within my goal range only 3 times (maybe 4 since I didn’t track…but I better just say 3 times).  So a colossal failure!  That should have been 7 or 8 days of being within goal! (Once again this week I was scared...and I’ve been MUCH better)

6.       5000 steps a day.  Yup…I was failing this one too.  However, I have managed to pull it back around this last week with my evening walks with Jason.

As you can see.  The first week and a half was HORRIBLE!   The arthritis scare has brought about some changes!   The weather changing has brought about some of those changes!   (It’s easier to get out and walk /ride my bike when the weather is pleasant!).  I even got a lunch time walk in at work this week!!! 

So there you have it, my first half of March.  I told you it was ugly!   But I am slowly turning the ship around!   It is amazing how the fear of a life spent in arthritic pain really does make one see things differently.  And while the fear and despair about not being able to turn the tide on the arthritis is very real and very present, maybe I needed to think about the fact that I am SOON going to be out of free passes to abuse my body.  Eventually the damage will be non-manageable.    So if I can get it back under control again, I need to really focus on maintaining......no more chances taken with my body!

 

 

The cost of obesity

I started to write a post for last Friday...but due to a commute, a passenger in the car (I gave a ride to a coworker), exhaustion and just life, I was unable to complete it.   It WAS going to be about getting my life in line before I have to deal with the cost of medications due to illnesses that could be managed by weight.  This was sparked by a conversation I had with my good friend Donna, who appeared in a motivational post last year.   She has continued to do amazing with her weight loss and is actually at goal, but she continues to work to eliminate each of her medications (you’ve got this Donna!)!    But she made the comment to me, ‘get it under control soon before you have to deal with the astronomical costs of medications.  And THAT was what the post was going to be about but then I experienced Friday and while the rest of this post is going to be ‘similar’ the cost of obesity hit much harder in my life and well...I’m freaked out!

Years ago I was diagnosed with arthritis in my knees. When I was overweight they ached sooo horribly!  But as I lost weight the pain settled down to a random twinge here and there.  However, as I have gained the twinges began to increase.  I knew it and even talked to people about the fact that I had an idea of the breaking point weight that when I reach  my knees issues would really  kick into high gear.   I have even made the comment that I was getting close to that weight!  But I didn’t pay attention to it.  It hadn’t computed in my head.  Afterall, actions and words are two different things!

Last week was a normal week.   Everything was normal.   I wasn’t off the rails with my quest for health...but I wasn’t totally  on target with the actions needed for this quest.  The memorable thing about my week was climbing stairs.  We live on the third floor and I noticed in passing that my knee was strong as I went up or down the stairs....strong for the first flight.  By th second flight I was feeling the old familiar ache of arthritis. Luckily, it cleared up as soon as I got on flat terrain and was only a small blip on the radar of my daily life.   Until Friday.  Friday morning came and I went down the steps in the morning and managed to contain my groan of pain confident that it would subside within minutes.  However, it didn’t subside.  It aches throughout the day and by the time I got home Friday evening I was truly suffering!   

My knee had not ached that bad since before I lost all the weight years ago!  And Leta be honest.  I e gained about half of it back!  I had known that I was teetering on the edge of the number on the scale where my knees typically really start to hurt really badly.   I had been feeling more and more twinges and hearing my knees creak and crack a whole lot more, but I had paid it no mind!  But Friday night I could not ignore it any longer.   Ohhh no I couldn’t!  I would move my leg and the pain would become more dull and I would breathe a sigh of relief...but within moments the pain intensified and I just ached!   Lovely.....not!

On Saturday morning I knew we were going grocery shopping/errand running.  My knee already hurt so I went to the closet and pulled out my bin of ‘supplies’.  I opened it and selected a knee brace.  As I was making my selection my thought was that the bin was truly my personal current cost of obesity. 

I have ankle braces, knee braces, ace bandages, devices for planters fasciitis, kt tape and wrist braces.   With the exception of the wrist braces.....it is all due to the excess weight on my body damaging my joints!!!   That bin is my current high price of obesity!

The price is high....honestly, higher than the price to lose weight.   You see.  I can restrict and manage my weight and eliminate SOME of the issues that I have created (some of the damage is done, but in my experience it is more easily managed and more easy to live with at a lower weight).  I can then live!   The cost of I continue is most assuredly knee replacements, wheel chairs, walkers and living a life where there is no mobility...or at least greatly reduced mobility.   Which cost is higher???

So, knowing that I am teetering (and crossing) the line where my knees really bother me has made me realize that it’s not so or die time in terms of my health.  There is no more fiddling around!  It’s time!

There are two things I can do:

1.  Lose weight (the biggie)

2.  Exercise:  arthritis can be managed through exercise!  A personal trainer once told me that I need to build up the muscles around my knees in order to take up the slack for the lack of cartiledge.

I took it easy on Saturday and wore the brace a lot.  But on Sunday it was in the upper 40°’s and lower 50°’s.  So we headed to the mountains near us.  We headed for a trail to hike! I knew it wasn’t going to be a fabulously long hike.  Not was it a fabulously difficult hike.  My knee couldn’t handle it.  But I know that to fix the problem I have to be active.  

We weren’t counting on there being snow...a couple inches.   But it was fun!!

I was careful and we only went a few miles.  But I have started to take back my life!!!!

Don't mess with the cheese!

Well, it took me almost two months for the knee pain to rear it's ugly head.  It's arthritis.  I'm not injured.  I'm just dealing with one of the fallouts from having at one time weighing over 300 pounds. I'm dealing with the fallout of currently being in the obese category in terms of my weight.  I know that the more weight I lose the less pain I'll feel in that knee.  I also know that the more I build up the muscles around that knee the less I'll struggle.   Experience tells me that the pain drifts away to almost nothing the more weight I lose.  So I'm just working around it.  I'm not on this journey to push myself toward inhat this pain is....and I know that I'm not hurting myself further by pushing through that pain.  So out comes the knee brace.  I'm prepared and ready to face this!!!! 

The alarm went off the crack of dawn this morning. Todd's first words were "Do you still want to go to the gym?"  As badly as I wanted to say no, I sucked it in and said "why of course!"  Life may be crazy, it may have been early, my knee may have hurt, my bed was so toasty....but when it boils down to it.  If I want to live this lifestyle with any success, I have to learn how to work around those issues and obstacles!!!   Yes, we went to the gym.  Bring on another day of my week 4 on C25K!   I did that.  It was rough....my legs were heavy, but I pushed through it.  My breathing did well!  woo hoo!   After my run, I moved to the elliptical and dang if that half hour wasn't a killer.   I have a day of rest upcoming...and while I'm on a roll and WANT to continue on my mission, I'm on the other hand looking forward to my day of rest!

The last two days I have eaten breakfast at home about about 7:30 or 8 AM.  I get to work and by 11 AM I am ravenous.  On Tuesday I was just hungry.  On Wednesday my stomach actually hurt with the hunger.  Yeah, I'm kinda shocked too that my body gets to that point that it's hurting with hunger. Once again, I pulled out the 'emergency' pretzels.  Luckily for me they were already counted out and portion controlled (from Tuesday's snack) so it was easy to stay within my budget.  And actually I had enough calories in my day once again to accommodate eating the pretzels.  So all was well.
I'm ok with eating a snack.  If I have the points there is nothing wrong with having a  extra snack.  My question though is this?  Why am I getting so hungry so very soon after breakfast. (hmmm could it be the fact that I restarted taking some vitamins each day?  (drat, I forgot it this morning) The last two days I've had toast for breakfast ...I've paired it each day with a serving of fruit.  I love toast and I've never had a problem with toast not holding me over.  I've had problems with cold cereal not holding me over....but never toast.  Before I go further..... Eggs disgust me...I can't stand the taste.  I don't like meat.......I don't like milk......I don't.....    Holy hell, I'm a darn picky eater!  Breakfast is the worst meal for me in terms of what I will eat.

 Actually I would be happy going with a vegan lifestyle except for a few small issues. (ok pretty big ones)
Surprisingly, it's not the milk.  While I don't like the taste, I do cook with it all the time.  However, we already have our refrigerator stocked with Almond Milk (husband has digestive issues...milk is a no no and soy doesn't digest easily...almond is the way to go). I have no problem cooking with Almond milk.  I've not come up with a recipe that doesn't work with the almond milk.   My issues with veganism....
*eggs-  I cook with eggs all the time. I have no problem eating them if they are an ingredient in something.
* cheese-  I can't even fathom giving up cheese.  NO NO NO.  I love my cheese!  I've tried the soy cheeses nothing even comes close in comparison!
*  soy-tofu-mushrooms-  ewww ewww ewww  They are the generally accepted substitutes and I can't stand them....hurl-o-rama.

So for now I will just continue with my quasi/half vegan lifestyle.....Don't mess with the cheese!

Hello arthritis

Dear Mr. Arthur-itis,



Thank you for visiting me today to remind me what I used to deal with on a regular basis. I have been wondering where you went. I was honestly hoping that you had moved on to your next victim. However, I realize that that is not how you operate and that I will have to suffer through your occasional visits. I am happy to realize how much I was able to negate the devastating effects that you had on my body simply by losing weight and adding physical fitness into my life. I'm sure you remember how I used to sit and rub my knees during the day, or how I would cry in bed at try to move so that the constant ache was eased. Ohhhh the sound of my knees creaking and popping......all but a distant memory, except for these little reminders. I hear people talk about how their doctors told them to exercise in order to ease arthritis they in turn and say, "that's crazy, because moving hurts". Oh my how sad that makes me. You see, the doctors are dead on correct....it doesn't eliminate, but it sure help! I can now go months with no issues, where as before pain was a daily occurrence.



Please Mr. Arther-itis, please feel free to leave and not come back! I won't miss you at all.



MaryFran