Progress!

 

Project self-rehabilitation has been going ok.  Nothing fantastic and the progress is slow, but I am seeing progress.

 

The more time that passes, the more I doubt that the doctor looked ‘deep enough’.  I think that the ortho specialist saw arthritis and stopped looking and thereby missed something else happening.  And I don’t deny the arthritis diagnosis; it was just a repeat of what I already knew.    But popping in my knee when I do certain movements…yeah, the ones accompanied by the sharp take your breath away pain…. yeah, that’s new and unique.  Ohhh and it radiates up and down my leg.  Hmmmm  But that is neither hide nor hare….my response is still the same.

 

Self-Rehabilitation Time!

 

I have been continuing with my plan to work various muscles to help balance out my muscles.  I’m talking to you, glutes and hamstrings!  Yes, I’ve read the reports that my glutes may be weak causing the quads to overwork…causing an imbalance that affects the knee.  (Ok, that was a dumbed down explanation, but it works!)  So, I am working on my glutes.  Because of the pain in the knee, I must watch what I am doing…..don’t want to aggravate it, I want to help!  So, I have started with really basic exercises….and low and behold they HURT to do.  Which tells me that my glutes need some help!      As for the hamstrings…. well…. Almost every physical trainer that I have read talks about the quads but never mentions the hamstrings.  Yet I know that sometimes I can FEEL the hamstrings in the back of my leg as I’m sitting.  Hmmmmmm  Then, just last night I read something in the book that I am reading, Built from Broken.  

 

 

  It talked about and imbalance between the quads and the hamstrings…if the quads are overpowering the hamstrings…. or if they pull a fast load quick and the hammy’s aren’t ready, it can cause issues that reverberate down the leg and really mess up the…..you guess it, the knee!  Hmmm…so I am starting some basic hamstring work.    I am not jumping into any machines at the gym….first because I can’t lower and rise from a seat without either good pain and a loud grunt or some assistance (hello grab bar in the work bathroom!).  But secondly, I am doing this rehabilitation slow and measured…. Large/high weights isn’t the answer….that is what I was doing the night this happened. (pushing large weights on ‘leg day’….as per my trainer’s advice) so simple body movements right now to pinpoint the weak spots in my body! 

 

I have been trying to walk as much as possible. Self-explanatory of course……

 

I have been trying to use my muscle roller more consistently on the leg muscles…because another Physical therapy dude mentioned knots in the muscles of the leg that can wreak havoc.  So, I am rolling those muscles…CHECK!

 

And of course healthy eating and water consumption.  I am doing pretty good with my food and water intake.  The weight is coming off…..slowly.   I get frustrated with how slow it is coming off.  I think it’s my age, it wasn’t this hard way back when.  But that’s ok, we aren’t looking backwards, only forward. 

 

  And it is coming off!

 

 

Self Rehabilitation

 

It has been almost 3 weeks since I went to the orthopedic doctor, and he dove in with the diagnosis of relatively serious arthritis and the plan of waiting for the pain to become unbearable and then we will start pain management treatment and start on the path toward a knee replacement.  I have accepted the diagnosis, but I am not accepting the future he described without a fight.

Firstly, I am in total agreement with the doctor’s diagnosis.  I fully accept and understand that I have some serious arthritis in my knees.   That is not disputed.   I will even acknowledge that the week of intense pain was a baker’s cyst that ruptured.  The diagnosis fits with my symptoms.  So, I accept that just fine too.   

 

What I do not accept is his prognosis for my future.  “Wait for the pain to escalate’ is quite simply not acceptable.  Furthermore, I feel as if the doctor saw my knees in the x-ray and glossed over the pain that I was experiencing up and down my leg.  He saw advanced arthritis and looked no further. 

 

 

 

So where does this leave me?

 

The first and largest (pun intended) thing is to lose weight.  I got serious immediately upon the doctor’s dire prediction for my future.   In the first few days I lost 2 pounds.   Yay me!   And then came vacation!   I had plans to splurge a little but mostly keep my eating under control. Toward the end of vacation my water consumption really suffered though!  I am proud to say that we went on vacation and ONLY gained those two pounds!   Immediately upon the end of vacation, I got serious again and I am proud to say that 4 days after vacation ended and I am not only right back where I was the first day of vacation, but I am also ½ pound lower!    I am 2.8 pounds down from where I was 19 days ago and 11 of those days were vacation!    I have to say, this is probably the first vacation EVER for me where 4 days after vacation I am not multiple pounds higher and in fact lower than my pre-vacation weight!  Go me!  

 

The second thing is that I have really started to look at other causes of the pain.   I find it hard to believe that I was walking and moving fine a month or so ago and overnight the arthritis took a nosedive to the point that I can not walk and can’t rise out of a chair without an intense flash of pain.    Couple that fact with the instances where I have talked to Jason about how my calf muscle feels so tight or that the movements that I can feel pulling that then causes the knee to hurt.  Thus, I am mostly convinced that the bulk of my pain is somewhat muscular in nature.

I have researched and stumbled upon what may be quackery…but here goes. 

 

 I stumbled upon one person who is supposedly a Doctor of Physical Therapy. (I say supposedly because it is online and I haven’t felt the desire to research his credentials.)  This doctor dude indicated that knee pain is usually not pain that starts in the knee…the knee is just the part that gets the attention. He said that the pain is from the quads in the thigh.  He said that they get tight and hard knots form.  Thos knots then cause more and more tightness and pulling/compressing and it throws everything out of balance and that imbalance is what is causing the pain (and most likely the arthritis issues in the first place).  Hmmm……I can buy into that theory.  So much so that I pulled out a massage stick that I bought years ago when I was running and started running it up and down my quads…..and placebo effect or not, I think it may have worked …….a bit.  So I plan on continuing that process. (I haven’t paid any money to see the ‘full program…..just researched what I could online)  But he says nothing that I could find online about the calves…and my pain seems to radiate there too.

 

But then I stumbled upon another potential quack.  Another Doctor of Physical Therapy.  (Supposed, because once again…online.)  This due also states that it’s not the knee that is the issue but that it is the muscle.  I believe this dude actually used the phrase that the knee is reactionary to other issues.  This guy talks about quads AND calves.   HELLO, tell me more!  So I read further.  And didn’t get much more…other than the fact that if those muscles are weak or over stimulated…seized or loose…….or if one muscle is weak and one is strong that it is causing imbalances that are causing the knee to hurt. I haven’t ruled out paying for the $20 online class for this one.  But then again…quackery?

 

So where does that leave me?

1. Continue to lose weight
2. Massage rolling my muscles
3. Creating a routine where I am stretching and building those muscles SAFELY (and not full bore ahead to 100 plus pounds of weight which is what the personal trainer did).  And to make sure I am working ALL of those muscles!
4. Movement….walking as much as I can.  (and getting that exercise bike back into my daily routine…..and or getting to the gym for the bike/elliptical)
5. I am forcing myself to try to do as much as I can without the aid of grab bars, altered movements, etc.   Don’t get me wrong, it hurts….but my theory is that movement will help!

 

I’m telling you……I accept the diagnosis.  I do not accept the prognosis.  So it’s time for my self-rehabilitation.

Not Without A Fight

 

In my last post I wrote about my updated diagnosis.  I wrote about the prognosis, which wasn’t a shock…not really.  Yet I was shocked.

 

You see, I was diagnosed with arthritis 27 years ago when I was 29 years old.  I learned ticks and hints to keep my knees from hurting.  In fact, there were long stretches in that period where I barely felt any twinge of arthritis pain.  Let me tell you, those periods were glorious.   However, I wasn’t really doing anything to forestall the arthritis getting bad.  I wasn’t really doing anything but living my life.  Sure, I knew that the arthritis was there…. but in the far distant future we would deal with that.  That was my thinking!  My head was firmly in the sand and ignoring the problem.  I wanted to lose…and I knew that my weight would help the knee issue.  But well, you can see how that has turned out for me.

 

So that is where the stupid comments came from.  I knew that I was hurtling toward a more dire diagnosis…..I just ignored it!  Stupid.

 

The diagnosis that I received this past week was dire.  The doctor held out no hope that this pain would ease up.  We are now in treat the pain mode with an expected acceleration of methods of treating said pain. 

 

But here is where I am struggling now.  “It’s JUST arthritis”  Yes, that is what I overheard someone say.  JUST….JUST…JUST.    (Ok, ignoring the ruptured baker’s cyst…..)   BUT that is what is making my blood boil.  Because it is not JUST arthritis.

It’s terminal!   Not in terms of death.  But this very well could be the death of my Zumba classes that I just rediscovered (and that I love).   This diagnosis could very well be the end of my hiking up mountains.  This diagnosis could very well be the end of any pain free day.  It is very terminal to my way of life. 

 

That is depressing!  I am not ready to give up hiking.  I don’t want to give up Zumba.  I have been hoping to lose a bit of weight and start running.   Things I love.  Things that may never happen again for me.  It could be quite terminal for those hobbies!

 

 

But I have to tell you, I am hoping and praying that he is wrong.  I am hoping that this really is a flare up, just like I have been having for years (albeit a worse one that started with that baker’s cyst issue).   I am hoping that the pain eases. 

I accept it.  I have already started different supplements…or as I call it my potions and lotions. I have also gotten quite serious about actually losing the weight.  Recommitted (again).  I recommitted 4 days ago and I am down 2 pounds.   Early days yet, but I'm tickled with the 2 pounds!

 

I also have been researching moves that a PT would use for someone in my situation…because obviously what the personal trainer was not the right thing. (HA).  So I have a whole list of  knee exercises for people with arthritis to build strengh (And they don't include the personal trainers method of deep knee squats and lots of resistance training on those knees.) 

 

 I have been reading and researching some other things about arthritis .....and read somewhere that my current flare up could be because of an imbalance in my muscles....the thighs and/or calves being too strong and putting pressure and more weight on the knee (ok I explained that horribly).  THe answer.......build up the booty muscles....the glutes.   I watched a few of videos from a PT and the comments were very encouraging.   Let the butt help carry the weight. 

 

 

I may be depressed, but I am not going to go down without a fight!!!

 

Stupid....Stupid...Stupid

 

Plans…why do I even make them.  Seriously.  I come up with so many plans, so many ideas, so many thoughts and then I fail.  What in the world is wrong with me?  I  must be just plain stupid!

 

So it’s been 18 days since I last wrote and the leg saga is still ongoing.    After those first awful days where I could barely function, things started to feel better……kinda.   I got to the point that my knee only ached while I was walking…and no real issue while sitting or immobile moments.  However, random acts just drive a searing pain through my knees.   What things?   Ohhhh standing up from a chair…. lowering myself to a sitting position on a chair.   Going to the bathroom was absolutely the best.  (note the sarcasm).    Steps…. or even a curb…. not fun.  Any step that is not a normal to small step.   Turning and changing direction.  Also, painful.  Manageable right?

But then let’s add in the ‘wrong step’…. the “too many steps’….or just the “insanity that seems to happen to me.”

The wrong step.   I was walking through the yard about a week ago and wasn’t paying close enough attention…. apparently!   You see, I stepped on a walnut that had fallen from the tree, it threw me off balance, and I thought I was going down. (Just imagine the staggering stumbling forward).  Let me tell you, PAIN!     I was on the phone with a friend and that friend heard me and literally was saying, “I’m calling an ambulance for you.”    That wrong step set me back a few days where no matter what I did it jus HURT!

Too many steps?  Well, that is self-explanatory……too many steps,  too much incline….too much uneven ground and eii yii yii!

The insanity…. well let me tell you that getting zapped by the electric fence around the chicken yard was torture!   That electric jolt seemed to go straight to that knee!  I had literal tears for about 15 minutes!  And the next couple days were extra rough.

So about a week ago I decided that enough was enough.  The urgent care had said to seek further advice if it hadn’t gotten better within about 10 days.  I waited close to a month.  But I went to an orthopedic specialist today. 

The diagnosis…….

First of all, apparently it was a baker’s cyst. But those really bad early days where I couldn’t function.  Apparently that was when the baker’s cyst ruptured.   No worries…..once ruptured the body steps up to the task of taking care of the fluid that is now running loose through your body. 

Secondly, the arthritis that I have been dealing with for YEARS has apparently gotten a LOT worse. I was 29 when a doctor first told me I had arthritis and there was no discussion about anything but management of the pain. I lost all the weight and the knees felt fabulous.  I regained and the pain came back. 

Apparently it came back with a vengeance.  The doctor advised that while its by no way the worst case he has seen, there is significant amounts of arthritis…..in all three (apparently there are three areas) areas of my knee.  

We are still on the over the counter meds to manage.  But the doctors words were, when it gets unbearable (he also used the phrase, ‘when you can’t sleep at night from the pain’) then come in and we sill start steroid injections (offers a few weeks of pain free) and when you need more we will move to the hyaluronic acid injections. (He freely admitted that the injections will hurt).    There may be the addition of a ‘pain management doctor’ at some point to possibly do some kind of nerve reatment.  And as a last resort a knee replacement…both knees.

I liked the doctor.  He actually talked about the replacement as a total last resort and did admit that it was 50-50.  Some people are absolutely in love with the results and do both readily.  Others do one and refuse to do the other.    (Not good odds.)

We talked about some other things to do in the meantime.  Things like the arthritis creams, the over the counter pain relief (and if I start eating ibuprofen like candy to start getting my kidneys checked regularly), braces and of course staying as active as possible.

But he also recommends

• Collogen powder
• Glucosamin chondroitin  - He actuall said this stuff really makes a difference.  He said his aged dog who hobbles around got into and ate a full bottle and for the next three weeks the dog acted like a puppy!  (Course the dog also had a bad case of diarrhea….but I don’t plan on taking a whole bottle)
• Vitamin D
• Red Light Therapy
• Ice and/or heat – depending on what feels good (ice always at the beginning)  Ice to reduce inflammation….heat to loosen the muscles

  He said losing weight would ‘help’ because any weight loss helps. But he said it would most likely not be the solution to my woes…the damage has been done. 

 

So where does that leave me right now?

• Still in pain…but focused and determined to get back to moving as much as physically possible.
• Heading to the pharmacy after work to pick up the supplements
• Checking into the red light therapy room that my gym offers (and I have access to at my level of membership
• 100% focused on losing weight.

 

So here I am.   Stupidly, I knew this was hurtling toward me.  I’ve known since I was 29 and originally got diagnosed.   Yet I allowed the weight to come back.  Maybe not allowed….I mean I didn’t invite the weight back, but I didn’t do what I needed to do to stop it!  So here I am…….DANGEROUSLY close to the REALLY bad side of arthritis…..at age 53.

Not So Much

 It has been a fabulous week for my weight loss efforts.......not so much.   It has been a fabulous week for working out.......not so much.  It has been one of my all time favorite weeks this year......not so much!

 

This week started out perfectly dandy.     I saw the trainer on Sunday and had a great workout.  My arm was feeling pretty good and I was set to slay the week!    While I was with the trainer I did mention that my right knee was really bothering me, more so than normal and at the back of the knee not the normal arthritis location.   We talked a bit about zumba and how that could be part of the stress and I did advise that I do tone it down quite a bit and I reminded him that zumba (and running) is my heart....it's the exercises that I find myself happiest.....and that this strength training stuff was only a necessary evil.  We left the session with the comment that in my next session we were going to focus on legs so that he could see what was happening.   Perfect!

Monday my eating was healthy and I headed to the gym in the evening for my next solo strength session to be followed up with my hour of zumba.   My knee was feeling icky.  Icky enough that I took a knee brace to the gym with me to utilize for support during zumba.  See, I was prepared.   I powered through my strength session (which was a leg workout) and was honestly pretty happy with how my knee felt.  It was no worse than when I had walked into the gym. Yay!   On to zumba!   I actually did talk to the instructor before the class and told her that I wasn't sure how it was going to go down because my knee was crankin'!  I put my knee brace on and started the class.  The class was fun.....not so much!    Yeah, within 15 minutes I was in PAIN.  I thought about leaving.  After-all, I had let the instructor know that it may happen.   But I didn't want to give up.   I stayed.  Another 15 minutes went by and it was bad.   I was still pondering leaving, but well.....I was in the front and didn't want to make a spectacle of myself.  I stayed.   I was barely doing the movements...there was no pep in the step and even my arm movements were surely lackluster and not at all energetic.  I made it through that complete workout!  I even made it out to my car without my knee buckling causing me to fall flat on my face.   I dropped into my car because no, there was no graceful slipping into the car.  I drove home.   And when I went to get out of the car I KNEW I was in trouble.

It was bad.   Bad enough that I immediately started to cry, you know the kind, just silent tears of pain that streak down your face while you do what you need to do.  (I think the last time was when I went  over the handlebars of the bike landing on my face and then rode my bike a few miles back to the car.)  I took advil and crossed my finger for a healing night of sleep!   Yeah, that plan....not so much! 

Tuesday morning was torture.  So bad that I was one of the first people seen at the urgent care center.  If you know me, you know that if I willingly go to have a medical professional look at me, that it's bad.

 

So apparently I have a bakers cyst.  The best way to describe a bakers cyst is that I have a leaky knee.  Ok, thats' the fun way to describe it.   The more serious way is that when there is an injury to the knee (or an arthritis flare up) the body produces a fluid to help cushion and repair....but sometimes it 'leaks' and creates a cyst.  And that is my problem.   The cyst can be up against pushing on those muscles and lots of other things.   Ohh and painful.  Lucky me.....not so much!

Tuesday was pure torture with walking.  I could barely do it.  Each step was like an ice pick straight into my knee.   Wednesday was slightly better.....and each day has improved a bit.  But back to normal....not so much.    It supposedly takes a while to rectify itself.   Most of the times the bakers cyst will rectify itself and the fluid will eventually be reabsorbed into my body.   If it doesn't get better, there are surgical options (yeah, I don't want that!)    It's been a painful week.

So no exercise......unless you count hobbling around as little as possible exercise.

Neither did I feel at all even remotely inclined to cook.  So we ate some processed foods and some other less than healthy options.  

I go back to the trainer tomorrow.  (I need to sign the paperwork to cancel...as my two months are almost up and I have not seen the amazing results that he said I would have......although the computer body scan thingy showed that while I haven't lost weight....I was actually up a pound or two that I gained about 5 pounds of muscle....but do we trust a computer scan?)   I know that a lot of the exercises on my leg day routine I can actually not do at the moment.  Deep knee squats......not so much.  That booty machine.....yeah not so much either.  And I honestly don't even think the big step up thingy (is it 12 inches...or 18 inches??) is even possible as I struggle to take a short normal step or even a curb at the moment.  So he has his work cut out for him to come up with alternatives that I CAN do!

 As for zumba.  That is on hold right now.  But I do plan on going back as soon as possible, I just like it!    I WILL be modifying it further.  I WILL be in the back row instead of the front so that I can dip out without making a spectacle of myself should it turn out to be a no go.    I will also be investing in some dance shoes.  When I was doing zumba regularly way back when, for much of the time I actually used a more 'dance' style shoe.   What in the world am I talking about?   It's all about the traction.   A normal tennis shoe is made for walking/running and the tread is made to help that forward motion.  But dancing there are pivots and turns.   But if your shoe has traction that is working to keep your foot moving forward, that means it is gripping and fighting you while you 'turn'.   SO basically I need a shoe that has good support but limited traction.    I have fleetingly thought about those shoes since I started zumba, but it was always a passing thought.  Well it's not passing anymore.  I will be buying a new pair and utilizing them.....and maybe for a while just marching out the pivots instead of doing them.  But that is all to come.  In the meantime, I'm taking the medications, rubbing the medicated stuff on my knee and resting as much as possible.

 

And this coming week, no excuses.  I need to double down and get this weight off.  That is honestly the only hope I have of bringing this arthritis under control!

 

 

Mid month check in: it’s UGLY

 

I can hardly believe that we are midway through the month of March!  How crazy is that?  Time is just flying!   I am so happy to see spring arrive!  I get tired of the dark cold of winter!   So I figured that this week for my Friday post I will touch base on all that has happened in the month of March thus far  and see what I have been doing in terms of healthy living.

Before we go any further, let me say that I am in complete despair!  A few days ago I mentioned my knee hurting.  It was really bad last Friday and while I have had moments of if feeling ‘ok’, I have also had moments of constant horrible pain with it.   I know arthritis.  I know that I have two things that I need to do with all due haste.  I know that I need to lose weight!  I need to do this sooner rather than later.  I also know that I need to exercise.  It sounds counterintuitive to exercise and use the painful knee, but I KNOW that exercise will help in the long run.   I have taken some healthy steps toward those two things in the last few days, and I AM proud of myself.  HOWEVER, yesterday morning I was in the car on the way to work.  (Why do I have these deep thoughts in the car during my commute…..the other week it was during my commute and listening to Pink ..ohhh my, I was listening to Pink again today…maybe it’s not the commute, but rather the music of Pink!  I know I used to say that I had better runs when I listened to her music while running….maybe….)  I was driving and rubbing my aching knee and I had the most despairing fearful thought.  What if?  What if I had dodged the bullet with my arthritic knees the last time by losing the weight.  But what if that was only a one time ‘pass’.  What if the damage this time was permament?  What if losing weight would not fix the problem?  What if exercise had no bearing on managing the pain?   What if I was destined to live a life of pain in my knee for the rest of my life.   How would I survive that?   Was it too late?  How many free passes does one get in their life for something like this?   (And let me be clear….when I lost the weight it didn’t go away….it was just greatly reduced and quite a bit more manageable.)  By all things that are holy, these thoughts scared the living daylights out of me.  I’m NOT giving up!  I am going to try to fix this as soon as possible to try to minimize any long term damage that is currently happening.  I am going to push forward with the assumption that my efforts WILL be the change needed to get back to a more manageable level of arthritis.  I’ve got this!

 

So March.  In terms of my health it certainly came in like a lion!  I had set some monthly goals for myself for the month of March.

They are as follows:

1.        Track every bite of food

2.       Put money into the savings

3.       Weigh less 

4.       Do something active three times a week

5.       Keep my calories within my caloric range at least 6 days a week

6.       5000 steps a day.

A few days ago I sat down with my stats and I was APPALLED at my efforts for the month.  I’m telling you, the month came in like a Lion (now I just need to make it go out like a lamb).   I have always been brutally honest so here it is…the good (better look hard to find that), the bad (lots of that to see) and the ugly (oh yeah, it’s ugly).

1.        Tracking my food each and every day.  I THOUGHT that I had done this spectacularly.  But when I went to input my information onto my day planner (One place for all my information, so I transcribe the info from my various apps)  I found that on march 5 I failed to track anything at all.  I figured this out on Tuesday….a week later.  There was no way I remembered what I had eaten on Tuesday, so that is a total loss!    On the good side, I DID track every other day!

2.       Money into savings.  Ding ding ding.  I did this!

3.       Weigh less.  Uhhhh not happening.  I have fluctuated and have been most of the time at the high end of the fluctuation....so three pounds over my beginning of the month weight.  (It is starting to drop this week as I have really buckled down)

4.       Do something active.  My first 9 days of the month I did NOTHING!   I have done better this past week! (The fear about my knee spurred me forward.)

5.       Keep my calories within my caloric range at least 6 days a week.  In the first 9 days of the month, I was within my goal range only 3 times (maybe 4 since I didn’t track…but I better just say 3 times).  So a colossal failure!  That should have been 7 or 8 days of being within goal! (Once again this week I was scared...and I’ve been MUCH better)

6.       5000 steps a day.  Yup…I was failing this one too.  However, I have managed to pull it back around this last week with my evening walks with Jason.

As you can see.  The first week and a half was HORRIBLE!   The arthritis scare has brought about some changes!   The weather changing has brought about some of those changes!   (It’s easier to get out and walk /ride my bike when the weather is pleasant!).  I even got a lunch time walk in at work this week!!! 

So there you have it, my first half of March.  I told you it was ugly!   But I am slowly turning the ship around!   It is amazing how the fear of a life spent in arthritic pain really does make one see things differently.  And while the fear and despair about not being able to turn the tide on the arthritis is very real and very present, maybe I needed to think about the fact that I am SOON going to be out of free passes to abuse my body.  Eventually the damage will be non-manageable.    So if I can get it back under control again, I need to really focus on maintaining......no more chances taken with my body!

 

 

The cost of obesity

I started to write a post for last Friday...but due to a commute, a passenger in the car (I gave a ride to a coworker), exhaustion and just life, I was unable to complete it.   It WAS going to be about getting my life in line before I have to deal with the cost of medications due to illnesses that could be managed by weight.  This was sparked by a conversation I had with my good friend Donna, who appeared in a motivational post last year.   She has continued to do amazing with her weight loss and is actually at goal, but she continues to work to eliminate each of her medications (you’ve got this Donna!)!    But she made the comment to me, ‘get it under control soon before you have to deal with the astronomical costs of medications.  And THAT was what the post was going to be about but then I experienced Friday and while the rest of this post is going to be ‘similar’ the cost of obesity hit much harder in my life and well...I’m freaked out!

Years ago I was diagnosed with arthritis in my knees. When I was overweight they ached sooo horribly!  But as I lost weight the pain settled down to a random twinge here and there.  However, as I have gained the twinges began to increase.  I knew it and even talked to people about the fact that I had an idea of the breaking point weight that when I reach  my knees issues would really  kick into high gear.   I have even made the comment that I was getting close to that weight!  But I didn’t pay attention to it.  It hadn’t computed in my head.  Afterall, actions and words are two different things!

Last week was a normal week.   Everything was normal.   I wasn’t off the rails with my quest for health...but I wasn’t totally  on target with the actions needed for this quest.  The memorable thing about my week was climbing stairs.  We live on the third floor and I noticed in passing that my knee was strong as I went up or down the stairs....strong for the first flight.  By th second flight I was feeling the old familiar ache of arthritis. Luckily, it cleared up as soon as I got on flat terrain and was only a small blip on the radar of my daily life.   Until Friday.  Friday morning came and I went down the steps in the morning and managed to contain my groan of pain confident that it would subside within minutes.  However, it didn’t subside.  It aches throughout the day and by the time I got home Friday evening I was truly suffering!   

My knee had not ached that bad since before I lost all the weight years ago!  And Leta be honest.  I e gained about half of it back!  I had known that I was teetering on the edge of the number on the scale where my knees typically really start to hurt really badly.   I had been feeling more and more twinges and hearing my knees creak and crack a whole lot more, but I had paid it no mind!  But Friday night I could not ignore it any longer.   Ohhh no I couldn’t!  I would move my leg and the pain would become more dull and I would breathe a sigh of relief...but within moments the pain intensified and I just ached!   Lovely.....not!

On Saturday morning I knew we were going grocery shopping/errand running.  My knee already hurt so I went to the closet and pulled out my bin of ‘supplies’.  I opened it and selected a knee brace.  As I was making my selection my thought was that the bin was truly my personal current cost of obesity. 

I have ankle braces, knee braces, ace bandages, devices for planters fasciitis, kt tape and wrist braces.   With the exception of the wrist braces.....it is all due to the excess weight on my body damaging my joints!!!   That bin is my current high price of obesity!

The price is high....honestly, higher than the price to lose weight.   You see.  I can restrict and manage my weight and eliminate SOME of the issues that I have created (some of the damage is done, but in my experience it is more easily managed and more easy to live with at a lower weight).  I can then live!   The cost of I continue is most assuredly knee replacements, wheel chairs, walkers and living a life where there is no mobility...or at least greatly reduced mobility.   Which cost is higher???

So, knowing that I am teetering (and crossing) the line where my knees really bother me has made me realize that it’s not so or die time in terms of my health.  There is no more fiddling around!  It’s time!

There are two things I can do:

1.  Lose weight (the biggie)

2.  Exercise:  arthritis can be managed through exercise!  A personal trainer once told me that I need to build up the muscles around my knees in order to take up the slack for the lack of cartiledge.

I took it easy on Saturday and wore the brace a lot.  But on Sunday it was in the upper 40°’s and lower 50°’s.  So we headed to the mountains near us.  We headed for a trail to hike! I knew it wasn’t going to be a fabulously long hike.  Not was it a fabulously difficult hike.  My knee couldn’t handle it.  But I know that to fix the problem I have to be active.  

We weren’t counting on there being snow...a couple inches.   But it was fun!!

I was careful and we only went a few miles.  But I have started to take back my life!!!!

Don't mess with the cheese!

Well, it took me almost two months for the knee pain to rear it's ugly head.  It's arthritis.  I'm not injured.  I'm just dealing with one of the fallouts from having at one time weighing over 300 pounds. I'm dealing with the fallout of currently being in the obese category in terms of my weight.  I know that the more weight I lose the less pain I'll feel in that knee.  I also know that the more I build up the muscles around that knee the less I'll struggle.   Experience tells me that the pain drifts away to almost nothing the more weight I lose.  So I'm just working around it.  I'm not on this journey to push myself toward inhat this pain is....and I know that I'm not hurting myself further by pushing through that pain.  So out comes the knee brace.  I'm prepared and ready to face this!!!! 

The alarm went off the crack of dawn this morning. Todd's first words were "Do you still want to go to the gym?"  As badly as I wanted to say no, I sucked it in and said "why of course!"  Life may be crazy, it may have been early, my knee may have hurt, my bed was so toasty....but when it boils down to it.  If I want to live this lifestyle with any success, I have to learn how to work around those issues and obstacles!!!   Yes, we went to the gym.  Bring on another day of my week 4 on C25K!   I did that.  It was rough....my legs were heavy, but I pushed through it.  My breathing did well!  woo hoo!   After my run, I moved to the elliptical and dang if that half hour wasn't a killer.   I have a day of rest upcoming...and while I'm on a roll and WANT to continue on my mission, I'm on the other hand looking forward to my day of rest!

The last two days I have eaten breakfast at home about about 7:30 or 8 AM.  I get to work and by 11 AM I am ravenous.  On Tuesday I was just hungry.  On Wednesday my stomach actually hurt with the hunger.  Yeah, I'm kinda shocked too that my body gets to that point that it's hurting with hunger. Once again, I pulled out the 'emergency' pretzels.  Luckily for me they were already counted out and portion controlled (from Tuesday's snack) so it was easy to stay within my budget.  And actually I had enough calories in my day once again to accommodate eating the pretzels.  So all was well.
I'm ok with eating a snack.  If I have the points there is nothing wrong with having a  extra snack.  My question though is this?  Why am I getting so hungry so very soon after breakfast. (hmmm could it be the fact that I restarted taking some vitamins each day?  (drat, I forgot it this morning) The last two days I've had toast for breakfast ...I've paired it each day with a serving of fruit.  I love toast and I've never had a problem with toast not holding me over.  I've had problems with cold cereal not holding me over....but never toast.  Before I go further..... Eggs disgust me...I can't stand the taste.  I don't like meat.......I don't like milk......I don't.....    Holy hell, I'm a darn picky eater!  Breakfast is the worst meal for me in terms of what I will eat.

 Actually I would be happy going with a vegan lifestyle except for a few small issues. (ok pretty big ones)
Surprisingly, it's not the milk.  While I don't like the taste, I do cook with it all the time.  However, we already have our refrigerator stocked with Almond Milk (husband has digestive issues...milk is a no no and soy doesn't digest easily...almond is the way to go). I have no problem cooking with Almond milk.  I've not come up with a recipe that doesn't work with the almond milk.   My issues with veganism....
*eggs-  I cook with eggs all the time. I have no problem eating them if they are an ingredient in something.
* cheese-  I can't even fathom giving up cheese.  NO NO NO.  I love my cheese!  I've tried the soy cheeses nothing even comes close in comparison!
*  soy-tofu-mushrooms-  ewww ewww ewww  They are the generally accepted substitutes and I can't stand them....hurl-o-rama.

So for now I will just continue with my quasi/half vegan lifestyle.....Don't mess with the cheese!