It sure does bite!!!

Love Bites...Not going so well at this moment.  Ohhh...all is well in love and friendship.  Yes, things with Jason are going well.  (Yeah, the guy I finally kinda sorta alluded to for a few posts in November and December and then revealed in my 10 year blogiversary post )  Ok, things are going REALLY well.  I'm just gonna say it...it's hard to admit because I'm so afraid of getting hurt again.  But I will admit it...I like this guy.....and as crazy as it seems to me sometimes.....he likes me!  Seems like a win win!   

No, Love Bites was referring to that Valentines day Challenge that I created for myself.   Last week was eh with eating.  I was over my budget on Monday by a ton, spot on on Tuesday and Thursday , a few hundred calories  over on Wednesday and Friday.   And then it went really bad.  It started on Saturday morning when I left for work HUNGRY!  Why yes, I stopped at Burger King for a drink and caved and got food.  Why?   I don't really like fast food to begin with!  Poor planning.   The weekend just followed that trend.  Ok, in fairness Sunday wasn't that bad.   Monday however was......we got a late start and ended up snacking in the car for lunch while we toured the Gettysburg Battlefield.  I actually did pretty well with that.  I picked up some cheddar cheese and ate a Kind Bar at a 7-Eleven.  Not a bad lunch......

Maybe the Slurpie wasn't that great!  (although not that bad in calories!) But in fairness I drank well over my recommended amount of water for the day even without the Slurpie!  (Wild Cherry flavor of course....Jason had a lime something or other flavor...which wasn't bad, just no comparison to the good old fashioned cherry!)

It was dinner that messed me up.  I was hungry and I was on my way home and I opted for more junk.   Deep fried cheese (so yummy...but can I say BAD for me!)  and a pepperoni sub (wayyyyyyy too salty).   I caved and got a donut also.   Yeah, a donut.  Really?   My mouth was dried out from the super salty sub so when I was home I added on a Chocolate Eclair Ice cream bar thingy.     Ok, so poor planning, because I KNOW that my slurpie inspired lunch had left me hungrier than usual so I binged for my dinner.  

NOT how I am going to reach my goals.  Not gonna reach them that way at all.  I recognize it and I know that the only way for me to reach these goals means I have to PLAN.  I have to think.  I have to be cognizant.  I have to want it badly enough to sit back and say "NO" to the donut! 

The weekend was good.  We got to relax.  We got to hang out together.  And saw some pretty cool things.

This is a monument at the Gettysburg Battlefield that we read about.  It is inspired by a nest of baby birds that got knocked out of a tree during the heat of the battle.  A soldier actually stopped and saved the birds during that battle.  Neat story....cool monument.

And of course beautiful scenery all day....even though it was bitter cold!!!!

Down but not out

Well, I was sitting at work yesterday morning and thinking about my weekly weigh in.   To be totally honest, I was disgusted.   On Monday I weighed in 2 full pounds lower.  I didn't really eat crazy.  I ran a few miles.  I didn't have a bad few days!   And then voila....the scales were showing me up.   It didn't make sense.  However, I KNEW that it didn't make sense so I was determined to just show up those stupid numbers!

I was actually looking at hiking gear and hiking pants online and I was even more determined to get this weight off so that I wouldn't have to buy plus size (I'm on the cusp between plus size and regular size) clothes.That and we are talking about doing some backpack camping (ha ha ha...my friends and family may get a chuckle at MF roughing it) and if I'm going to spend the money for a good backpack, it would be nice to be fitted and have one that is perfect for the body that will be more like my long term (future) body.

I got off work at noon today and made my way home.  I was HUNGRY.  Bad bad bad place to be.  I was hungry at 10:30 and I waited until I got home to eat.  I got home at 12:30 and had some turkey noodle soup (homemade leftover from the night before) and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  And then I had some more soup and some Honey Mustard Pretzel bites.  GRRRR  I was STUFFED!  I knew I over ate.  I would have been fine with just the soup or just the peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Or the soup and sandwich without the second serving of soup.  And what's worse?  I POSITIVELY did NOT need the pretzels.  (Luckily the pretzels are GONE now)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I'm NOT giving up.  I had a binge. I had a bad day.  (my calories were ONLY at 1500 for the day....including dinner...so I still wasn't THAT bad!)   I'm going to be on this like white on rice!   I want to be thin and healthy!!!!   This journey is way to important!!!!!!

I stayed busy during the afternoon.  I helped my father with a project, completed a few things on my to do list (including making pies, bread and pumpkins for my dollhouse)   It was a nice quiet and productive afternoon.                                                                                                                                           I had plans to go to dinner with Jason but he ended up having to cancel. (valid reasons that I totally understand, and I knew it was a possibility from the moment we made the tentative plans)    I was understandably saddened by this (cuz in case you haven't figured it out...I really like this guy!).  But on the other hand, I was relieved.  You see, I wasn't all that hungry and I know me...I would have shoveled more food down my gullet if I had gone out to eat with him.  (I still ended up eating a Jersey Mike's turkey sub with my parents though!)

So lesson learned.  It really does just prove to me how tenuous my control is.  

Deep and dark

I was lounging in the hot tub, trying to relax my back (which is actually feeling much better...still tender, but much better) and I was lamenting the fact of "WHY ME"  Why do I end up with a bad back....yeah, I know it's a repeat of a previous issue...but why me????   Why me when it comes to the plantar fasciitis and tarsal tunnel?   Why me????    What about 'the bone???  Why me???     My shoulder muscle that seizes up on me sporadically????   Why me???  My knees???  Why me????

As I sat there lamenting the fact that I have these issues that keep popping up and I was feeling sorry for myself. And then I sat up straighter (or as straight as my back would allow at the moment) and I told myself.  Seriously MF?   What did you expect?  You allowed your weight to rise to over 300 pounds...you lost the weight and felt great and you were stupid enough to allow some of that weight to creep back on.  You've abused your body...and this is the price!   Yes, I've done this all to myself!  

But you know what...I KNOW that a lot of the issues disappear as the weight leaves my body...so I'm going to work on that!!!!!!

I have a deep dark confession to make.  Last night I had a mandatory training for work.  (Anti- money laundering...WEEEE!  I know, I know..you are jealous!)  They fed us.  Last night they brought in subway subs, chips and some packaged cookies.   I took a turkey (no cheese ironically enough...weird) sub...3 inches and about 5 chips.  I actually in the middle of the training snuck my phone out and entered in my food on MFP.  I had some calories left and was excited thinking that I could have one of my cups of ice cream that I have in the freezer.   (prepackaged by Moi)  I had the calories for it!   I decided to grab a can of diet soda on the way out ....why, because I could.  I had drank water the whole meeting and I was actually fine with water.   But right beside the cooler of drinks was the table of cookies.  Yeah, I was bite by the Keebler bug. I won't even say how many I ate...just suffice it to say that it was too many....probably about 6 too many.  (hey, they were small!)  YES, I had 6 of those things!!!!!

Yeah, when I went  get the picture, I saw the calorie count....3 cookies are 140 calories so I ate 280 calories.  I started with one...and it tasted soooo dang good. That puppy melted in my mouth!  Seriously, I was going to only eat one!  I had the calories for it!   But one turned into a handful that I devoured in the car on the way home!   GRRRR

But it didn't stop there.........I got home and I was still hungry.  So I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Wow...another 200-300 calories some calories .  And then simply because ice cream was in my mind, I had my cup of ice cream!   C

Can we say binge????????  378 calories over budget for the day.  GRRRRRRR

Crisis averted

I read a post this morning by Tim. (sorry, I haven't figured out how to put in links on the blogger app on my cell phone....so timothology.blogspot.com) In this post he wrote about binges.  I agreed with him whole heartedly when I said that my binges are much more rare and that when I have them they are not as 'bad' as they used to be, relatively speaking at least. (I binge on less caloric rich foods and usually not as much).   So imagine my surprise when just a few short hours later I found myself in the kitchen BINGING.

I had planned out my food for the day.  I was ok with what I had planned, all was right in my world.  It came time for lunch and I went to the kitchen to eat.  I ate part of what I had planned and then saw the bread.  I WANTED bread.  I mentally calculated and figured that I could 'afford' a single slice of butter bread.  I made it and ate it.  I opened the fridge to get out the stuff for the rest of my lunch.  And then I saw the jelly.  Now I have jelly in my fridge pretty much all the time.  Usually it is raspberry jam but every once in a while I open a jar of strawberry jam.  Strawberry jelly is a treat.  I usually only make one or two batches of strawberry but make batch after batch of raspberry.   Strawberry jelly/jam.  YUM.  I couldn't get it out of my mind (granted I really didn't try to much).  I made another slice of butter bread and added some strawberry jelly.  Ohhh it was SCRUMPTIOUS!   I was eating and I KNEW I was going to have more.  I wanted it.  I literally thought about it in my head.  I was ready to throw in the towel for the day over some more jelly bread!   I wanted it that bad.  Ohhh I tried to justify it by saying that I did burn 3500 calories yesterday (yeah yeah yeah, that was yesterday and thus doesn't count for today....but in the midst of a binge, any justification works!)   Something propelled me to wash the dishes before I made my next jelly sandwich.  I stood at the sink washing dishes and I litearlly said "I don't care....I'll take a gain this week because by golly I want that jelly sandwich!"   But then something happened.  I thought about all the hard work I've put in.  I thought about all the sweat.  I thought about all the mornings when I wake up so stiff that I just want to goan and moan (ha ha ha, oh wait, I DO moan and groan).  I thought about how far I've come and I knew that I didn't want to do it.  Furthermore, I realized that the reason that I was ready to throw up my hands with a binge was that I just really did not want to eat what I had planned.  I knew that if I was going to stop the binge that the only thing that would help me was to find something that would satisfy me, inside and out.  I opened the fridge and just happened to notice that I had a bit of lettuce and salad fixings left.  Peace settled over me and I was fine.  I made my salad.  I ate my salad and I'm sufficiently full and satisfied.   
  Crisis averted.

So I was honest.  I immediately went onto my food journal and deleted the offending foods and put in the salad and the bread, butter and jelly that I ate (thank heavens I only had two slices of bread).  I'm only 100 calories over for my day (including dinner).  I caught the binge in time.  I reigned it in.  I binged, but I won in the long run!

And yes...that moaning and groaning....yeah, it happened this morning.   4 plus hours of exercise threw my body into an achy mess!  I'm good now and I'm set to walk (in the rain...neither rain sleet snow or whatever will keep us from our walks.  ha ha ha....ok, so sometimes it does) after work with Sherry.   

My other big project.  I have been saying for quite some time that I need to work on  my upper body strength.  Todd and I have a weight machine on our screened in porch (we got it free a year or so ago....a guy that lives near my work was cleaning out his garage to be able to bring another corvette to his house...yeah, he's got three here now...but owns something like 5 of them....OLD ones and new ones....I drool over the 57!...anyway...he was getting rid of it....for free.  We took it!).  SOOOOO I'm going to go out and clean it up (it's dusty and dirty from disuse) and start using it!  Hold me to it!

Heaving + Running = fun times

I was on cloud nine when I got to work after my walk yesterday.  Seriously.  I was feeling on top of the world.   Yeah, I did have a bit of a blister on the bottom of my foot, but that was just an annoyance but otherwise all was good.  I had conquered and won a self imposed challenge!  And then the menu for lunch was dropped on my desk.  I had made waffles for breakfast at the house before my trek into town.  (waffles with berries and a strawberry syrup).  I didn't need much food. I had planned a light lunch because of that.  But the bank was paying...so I ordered 1/2 a turkey sub.  (a little higher in calories than I would have normally chosen after the waffles, but still OK)  My manager went ahead and got the whole sub for me (it was the same price..winter special).  I wasn't upset. She talked to me before hand and I had decided that I would just eat it for lunch tomorrow....no packing alunch  needed.  It would be in the fridge at work waiting for me.  All was right in my world.  I pulled up MPF and put my food in. Uhhh, I would only have 300 calories for dinner.  But I made my plans. 

I texted Todd and had him pull a steak out of the freezer for himself.  I planned to make mashed potatoes and veggies.  I would eat a small amount of potatoes and then load up on fruits and veggies.  I was A-OK with that.   But, best laid plans.......

Todd texted me back a little later and asked if I would mind if he made some kind of stir-fry with his steak.  Well of course I didn't mind.  I was still planning on making the potatoes and veggies....but then I thought about how easy it would be to simply eat the other half of that sub since he was making his own dinner.  I knew I didn't have the calories in my budget.....well, I would if I used my earned calories from my walk and only be 10 calories in the negative.  Soooo I planned to do that and just be OK with using all of my earned calories.......my new plan was in force....at least until after I had that 1/2 sub for dinner and I started thinking about how I wanted something sweet  last night.

Ohhh yes I did.  I had a 245 calorie dessert.  245 calories that I did NOT have the calories for.  This is definitely the FIRST time I have gone over on my calories  that badly since shortly after Christmas.  I ate a total of 1764 calories for the day. (I'm aiming for 1250 a day not including my earned calories)  Hmmmm  In the grand scheme of things still not bad.  (and honestly, still in the losing range of caloric restriction even with those extra calories utilized) But not where I want to be.

On a good note, I was only about 20 ounces of water into my day when they went to pick up lunch.  When I ordered I was very quick to say "And A diet pepsi please!!!"  That is probably only the second or third time I have drank a diet soda since I restarted.  I won't lie, it tasted heavenly!    BUT...the good note?  I finished up that diet pepsi and then I went back to water and I STILL completed my water consumption goal for the day!

I refuse to beat myself up over it.  I slipped.  I've tightened the belt and I'm marching onward!  Part of the Shazam plan is realizing that these kinds of days WILL occur. (Was it just the snow and the 'off day'?  Was it part of the munchies that go along with the monthly feminine  ick?   I don't know....and it doesn't matter) Realizing and accepting that these days happen takes the pressure off when it happens. The trick is just recognizing it and knowing that it can't happen all the time.   That pressure being gone makes me just rejuvenated and ready to rock it tomorrow!

This morning I woke up and laid in bed.  I really toyed with options.  I had excuses galore why I couldn't run.  Seriously..the roads might have patches of ice...after all we did have precipitation yesterday.  Todd wanted breakfast...and I do try to play the good wife role even when I'm frustrated at things in the marriage. (and he is working tonight and I do try to make at least one meal each day).  Excuses excuses excuses.  I finally settled on the fact that I would make him breakfast (and me too) and THEN go on my run.  Today was a 22 minute straight run.....that is why all the excuses were pouring through my head.  Fear fear fear.  (I am beginning to hate that word...even as I smash it to smithereens!).   

I made a somewhat nutritious breakfast...nicely well rounded.  For me I had an egg and cheese sandwich and hash browns. (Todd had more and cooked differently..but I don't like eggs, I have to disguise them if I want to eat them).  I cleaned up and slowly changed my clothes.  I decided to run down my road this morning...it saves the time driving to the battlefield (which is only a couple miles away...but still).  I started off.  The first half of my run was marked with a malfunction of my running app (the C25K app....my music shut off and I couldn't fix it).  Not a problem...I ran without music.  I used that time to pray.  The app is supposed to notify me at the half way mark (and when I'm on my road doing an out and back run I turn at that mark).  I ran...and ran...and ran ...and finally gave in and looked at my phone.  Dang it...I had missed the half way mark notice...but the good news...I was already 13 minutes into my 22 minutes.  I fiddled with the app and miraculously got the music going again.  Thank heavens.  The music started and something that I had been ignoring for a while started to rear it's ugly head.  You see...that food that I had for breakfast was sloshing around in my gut.  Yes....sloshing and it was not a good feeling.  At about 14 minutes in I was heaving.  It wasn't much...just nasty.  I spit and kept going...without really even breaking my stride.  I won't lie....part of me wanted to quit.  But I KNEW why I was feeling queasy and ill.  It was because I ate food very shortly before going out running.  I finished that 22 minutes and by golly I went an extra 30 seconds of running...just to prove it to myself that I could!   I wasn't letting anything keep me down.       And lets just say....LESSON LEARNED!  Breakfast AFTER run...never before! (although the string cheese before a run seems to work really well)

I will admit...today I am filled with self doubt about my weigh in that will be upcoming on Monday.  Freaked out for some reason.  (I prewrote the first half ...about my eating yesterday, last night...and was feeling good).  However, this morning I'm panicked.  Partly because of my extra 250 calories yesterday and partly because it's looking like I'm not going to get the level of exercise in this week that I have been getting.     Deep breath in....deep breath out.  This is life.......not a race.  Accept whatever happens and move on because regardless of what my mind is yelling....I AM doing what is right, good and healthy for my body! (on a side note...I read one of Jillian Michaels books a few years back and she actually recommended that you have a higher caloric day once a week to keep your metabolism 'guessing' and burning).

That said, my eating today is totally planned out!

Cracker Debacle

Yesterday I got home.  My food was planned out and I knew what I was doing.  I made my dinner which was grilled cheese and tomato soup.  I didn't have the calories planned in for crackers in my soup...and I've eaten it without crackers so it didn't bother me.  However, I sat down at the table and I couldn't stop myself.  I WANTED crackers in my soup.  I ate them....not just one or two...I ate probably 20-25 crackers.  (yeah, I like a LOT of crackers in my tomato soup...I eat the crackers out and then put more in......sad isn't it?)  I then made a fruit dip and prepped some fruit and even though I was full and kicking myself for  my cracker debacle I ate about 2tbs of the dip and a few strawberries.  And yes...that was my binge/splurge....crackers, fruit dip and fruit.  I knocked about 200 extra calories for my day.  I was beating myself up over this and immediately sent an email to my friend Sherry  (I had to email her a link anyway...and check up on her progress) who talked me down from the ledge  and made me see that 1. I probably needed those extra calories (I had exercised so I was still under my calorie goal for the day) and 2.  Even if I didn't need them that my splurge was laughable in reality...looking at what my splurges USED to be.  Thank you Sherry!!!!  In talking to her we discussed her day and her urges and desires too.  We both talked about how this is a journey that we are on..but it is also a thing of us learning how to deal with life pressures and the normal ebb and flow of our cycles (which DOES affect our hunger)...just life.  This journey is NOT a race to the finish line...this journey is about learning how to eat and be healthy within the restrictions of life!

Today is a potluck at work...it's a birthday celebration.  We are celebrating my managers birthday...my manager is also working on her weight. SO I was able to steer everyone  to bring to  more healthy flair.   One gal is bringing some Asian Turkey Lettuce wraps. (it is a recipe from the cooking light magazine...she's brought them before....one is roughly 140 calories).  I have one girl bringing a veggie tray.  I'm bringing  fruit tray (thus the fruit dip and fruit).  I don't know what the other gal is bringing...she's one that is actually trying to GAIN weight...so who knows.  I've got this potluck by the horns and I'm going to ROCK my eating today!  Why yes, that is grapes, apples, pineapple and strawberries with the fruit dip in the center.  The fruit dip is only 18 calories per tbs. LOVE it!




Took a sneak peak on the scales this morning...I'm down but not as much as I thought...but no worries...I've got until Monday before my official weigh in!  Plus, I woke up incredibly thirsty...and that usually doesn't mean good things on the scales for me.  Water.....soooo important to our existence!!!!!


I have to say that I'm very happy that today is my rest day.  I need the rest....we all do in our journeys.  I was thinking about my week of exercise and thinking..wow..I did so much.  Then it hit me....I always do 3-4 zumba sessions...and have been for three years.   I've been consistently doing the running thing for the last four weeks too.  I only added in two 30 minute sessions on the elliptical.  Crazy.   Am I nuts????  And even though I'm glad for the rest day....part of me is itching to do something...anything!!!!!!   Nope...nothing taxing for me today!  :-)

I'll leave with a photo of the prettiest cat.  Lucy is getting old.  Makes me sad to think about losing my cat.  She is 16 and is suffering from arthritis.  But I LOVE her attitude.  She is too proud to let it stop her.  She refuses to use the steps I put for her to get onto bed.  The sad part..she jumps down and you can her her thump when she hits...she used to be graceful and light as a feather.  BUT her attitude is great.  She enjoys being the matriarch of the cats and takes her duties seriously!

Binge

I fought.  I really did fight it.   What was I fighting?   A true and absolute binge.  I made it through the month of January and I was heading into February feeling strong.  However, with about two hours to spare at work I started dreaming about food. (cue deep dark music here)  I was hungry.   I got home and somehow refrained from gnawing the doors off the pantry while I made my planned meal.  I was home alone so it was going to be simple.  A peanut butter and jelly sandwich (yes, I ante up the calories for peanut butter all the time...I don't like meat so peanut butter is a no brainer for me) and some various fruits.  While I made the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I decided that I was going to forgo the fruit and instead had some veggie chips instead.  No, not fresh veggies cut up.......think potato chips.  I at them and I thoroughly enjoyed them too!  However, I felt guilty.  Even though I had the calories to accommodate those chips I felt guilty.  As the guilt ripped through my body, I fought with myself.  You see, I wanted to get more chips.  I wanted to add pretzels.  I wanted to add all kinds of food to my plate.  I wanted to keep eating.  I'll admit, a defeatist attitude overtook me and I said to myself, "I've already compromised my day by eating potato veggie chips, I may as well live big and indulge.  Eat eat eat. "   I stepped away from the kitchen.  I managed to avoid the binge, but it was difficult. I did go back and get a handful of dried strawberries....but they were all accounted for also in my tracker.

This morning shows me up on the scale by 1.3 pounds.  I KNOW I didn't eat that much food yesterday.  For goodness sake, I was only 39 calories over my budget. (1339 yesterday).   I also know that on the first day of my ....well....suffice it to say that when I weighed everyday I was able to track my body cycle...and on day one my weight would pop by 1-2 pounds.  SO I'm OK with it...really, I am.  OK, OK, OK...I'm fighting it in my head...simply because I didn't want to see that pop upward on the scale.  But oh well...such is life.  My plan.  Hold steady and firm.  All will rectify within a few days if I don't lost control of myself.

January was smooth sailing for me.  It all seemed to go well.  It was easy.  Like I said, smooth sailing.  I'm still going strong, but yesterday  was just a reminder of exactly how difficult this journey is some days.  I need to remember to gather strength while I'm going full steam ahead.  That strength will carry me through the 'down' moments.

Meanwhile, this weekend is going to be difficult.  Birthday celebrations galore.  My niece turns 10 and my nephew turns 6.      I know it going in.  I'm trying to figure out the best way to proceed.  I'm going to do my best, make the best choices that are available to me and carry onward!    I have already talked to my sister in law to find out what is for dinner tonight (my nieces family birthday meal) and I have my food planned out.  I have an extra 250 calories set aside so that when my niece pulls out her birthday cake I can have a nibble.  Notice I said a NIBBLE!!!!  I've got today planned.  I should be good.  I'm also planning on trying to sneak in a run somewhere between work, picking up my nephews, taking my oldest nephew to his soccer game and the family dinner.  I have this!

Thinking Thin!!!

Food = Love

Wednesday Evening January 11, 2012

I had too much time to think at work today.  My job is mind numbingly boring.  I feel like I'm going insane there from the utter inactivity and lack of mental challenges.  But with everything happening in my life, sometimes it gives me too much time to think about everything and that is not good at times.  This day was one of those days.

It was a pouring rain as I drove home.  I had made a grave error, I had not planned my eating correctly and I was ravenous! AND I had to do some baking for my co-workers birthday.  Those things coupled with the sadness that pressed inward upon me was just weighing heavily upon me.   It was a short ride but my mind was in a whirl thinking about all the foods that I could eat when I got home. I didn't want to cave and eat, but I KNEW that I was going to binge.  I mentally tried to talk myself out of it. I didn't want to binge but I was buried with a feeling of utter hopelessness, becuase I KNEW that there was no hope of me NOT binging.   And I started crying.  I don't want to have an addiction.  I don't want to turn to food for comfort, for that feeling.  It is the most helpless feeling.  It is not anything that I want nor like. 

I pulled into the driveway and just sat there for a few minutes as this hopeless spirit washed over me.  I started to think about my addiction.  I didn't have a horrible childhood that made me turn to food.  I come from a family of foodies.  (maybe they have/had an addiction, that's not for me to know or judge).  My family likes food.  We like it for that tastes, the textures the flavors.  My addiction came from the love of those flavors. The high that I get when I taste excelllent foods.   BUT,   My family feeds people out of love.  And that is when I had my AHA moment.  Food is equal to love.  So what started as a simple love of food turned into an addiction and it is just natural that when I don't feel loved that I turn to food becauase food equals love.  So it's a one two punch.

SOOO I finally wiped my eyes and walked into the house.  I was still convinced that I was going to binge but my mind was in a whirl as to what I could do to my food budget plan to accomodate a little snacking and maybe even a few bits of cookie dough.  I knew I was ravenous.  So to ease the impulse to eat, I jumped right to my evening snack.  I knew I had planned about 100 calories....so I grabbed a box of the Special K Chips.  I ate about 15 chips (if that...which later turned out to be a half of serving) to curb that "I'm going to gnaw on the pantry doors i'm so hungry" feeling.  I thought about what I could ditch out of my planned dinner to gain some extra calories for the baking.   Then I prepared and ate the main part of my meal...I ditched all the little extras.  And then had a few bites of cookie dough while I was baking.   Right now I'm tempted to go eat the rest of that serving of chips...but I'm holding tight.  and I just put my food into my calorie counter.....I'm only 89 calories over for the day!    Did I binge?  Some may say yes.  But somehow, somewhere, I found the courage to hold it at bay.

This stuff is SOOO difficult!!!