Arduous Eighty

 

 In typical MaryFran fashion I had a brainstorm and decided to dive in to something on the spur of the moment.  What in the world did I decide to do?   Why I’m going to do what I am calling my Arduous Eighty!

75 Hard

Last year on a total whim (do you see the trend) I started doing the 75 hard.  Literally it was a whim. I saw something about it and decided to stop being intrigued and just do it.  It was a Sunday morning.  I literally had that thought to just do it and got up off my chair and immediately went to the exercise bike and did the first workout…..no thought, not planning. 10 seconds between the thought to do it and the start of doing it!

I did it!  It was tough.  It was the middle of winter and that 45 minutes outside was tough.  I remember one day it was pouring down rain and just barely above freezing at 33°.  But outside I went to go for a walk.   Brrrr!  Windstorms, snowstorms, you name it I braved it.  And I finished the 75 hard. I felt great in terms of fitness.  But I lost no weight….because I did  not set my eating plan correctly.  I did it…and actually said that I would be open to doing it again!  (Evidenced in this post.)  

The Plan

I have not been against doing a 75 hard again.  However I don’t really want to do something that takes up 2 hours of my day.  Don’t get me wrong, I am worth the time end effort, but as I lay in bed thinking I knew that I had to do something that would stretch me in terms of effort but something that would also be achievable with my current schedule.  I knew it would involve exercise and I knew that it would involve a more strict dietary plan. But I also knew that while I want it to be strict and difficult that I also wanted it to be achievable. So here it is.  The Arduous Eighty plan:

 1.  Exercise once day.  20-30 minutes at a bare minimum.  If it is an hour, that still counts as ONE exercise.  No cheating!    I know from doing the 75 hard that it is possible to exercise daily.  But I also know that I was TIRED.  My body was really aching by the end of the challenge.  So I am giving myself a bit of grace.  I need 80 workouts.  So if I don't work out on a weekend day, that is fine, I just need to do a double exercise (once morning once evening) one day to make up for it!   Either way it's tough. (Oh and when we recommence with the dog walks in the morning, that does not count toward one of my exercises!)

2.  Water - 56-64 ounces of water.  I have been a bit lazy lately with my water, finishing 'half' of my required amount and then switching to soda and some days I just flat out start with soda.  Nope nope nope.  Arduous Eighty plan does not waiver on this.  get the 64 ounces.  (more is ok, less is NOT) There really isn't a fail plan in this one.  There is no back up plan to allow for a slip.  Water has to be drank each day.

3.   Eating plan.  Here is the biggie.  When I did the 75 hard, I did a loosey goosey plan.  I did restrict a bit, but not to the level that I need to in order to lose weight.  So I didn't lose a single solitary pound during those 75 days. (I did lose the week afterward when I had the flu though.  hahahaha).  I need to be more strict.  So this one is going to be the hardest.  My goal is 1400 calories a day (or less).   I know that it a bit low.  I also don't measure my food, so it probably isn't as low as that (that's my trade-off).     But that is the goal.  1400 a day.   9800 a week.  .....  Yes, if I have a day where I am over, well I sure as better eat really light the next day to make up the difference (hello sourkrat, celery and other REALLY low calorie food items).

4.  Read my bible every day.  I have been reading through the bible chronologically but slipped a bit and haven't been doing that as regularly.   This challenge, I'm adding that in.  (75 hard has you reading a non fiction book for 10 minutes a day...so this is pretty much the same thing).

And that's it!  Those four things...80 days!  This will take me the rest of the way through February, through March and to the very end of April.   An Arduous Eighty! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Zap Zap: Retina Tear Laser Surgery

 I survived the zap zap of my eye ball!  I was absolutely terrified!  I know that so many people have had laser surgeries and corrections done on their eyes, but it still terrified me!  One slip of the zap zap and well…..

I am writing this all down so that the next time should it happen I know what to expect and remember the experience.  Hey,  the retinas are thinning so it will most likely happen again.

The Consultation

First of all, the doctor’s office that I am going to is insane.   They treat the patients kindly, but like cattle.   Literally!   There is one doctor in the office each day.   So you wouldn’t expect to have a ton of people waiting, yet there are probably 30 people waiting….I kid you not! Standing room only at various points during my consultation.  You sit for at least 30-45 minutes before they first called me back.  They led me to a machine in the hall where they took the scans of my eyes.   Then they ushered me back to the waiting room where I sat crowded together with 29 of my new besties!  And you then wait again….until they call you back…for the next step in the exam.  And then back to the waiting room you go.   When I called the other people waiting my besties, I kid you not….we were all talking to each other….it didn’t matter if you knew someone or not, we were all in the same boat.  Back and forth to an office to get the next step of your exam done and then back to the waiting room.  Finally about 2-3 hours after my appointment time I got called back and placed into a different office.  And I finally got to see the doctor…..for about 5 minutes.   

 

This doctor is highly recommended. Supposedly one of the best in the area.  But there is no bedside manner whatsoever.  He never really even spoke directly to me other than to tell me to look up…look right…look left.  Etc.  At the end of his short exam he vaguely said ‘you have to holes in your retina, set up an appointment for in two weeks’     I’m not even sure if the comment was made to me or the nurse in the room.   I did jump in and ask ‘what restrictions in terms of driving and work for after the appointment’.   ‘No restrictions ‘ was added that the procedure would be mere minutes and my vision would be  dark for a minute or two and then I would be back to normal.   When I said ‘oh shucks I was hoping to get off of work’ he did laugh and say ‘I can write you a note to get off work if you want the time off’   I passed because I’m not wasting my PTO time on something like that.    But that was the extent of my ‘consultation’  I know about the thinning retina and the pre-glaucoma because he told the nurse in the room to notate it on my chart while I was there.   That’s it…nothing else.   I verified with the receptionist on the way out that I could definitely drive after the procedure and had no restrictions and should only be about an hour long.  I set up the appointment and I walked out a bit in shock with an appointment for two weeks out.  I actually called in a few days before the procedure to triple check that there were no restrictions.

The day of the appointment  

I was one of the first people to have an appointment, so I hoped it would be a faster visit.  I will start by saying that it was only an hour…but I did make the back and forth to the waiting room once or twice as they dilated my eyes and numbed my eyeball.  

The final room where the procedure was done was dimly lit. The doctor walked in and he asked me to tell him what I was there for.  I laughed and said , I sure hope you know!’  But he did say ‘in your words’  so I flat out said, you are going to zap zap my eye balls.  He said ‘perfect description.  I also asked him if he had been out drinking and carousing the night before, cuz I needed a steady hand.  He chuckled and said he felt pretty good that day.  And then it started…

The Laser Procedure 

The doctor moved into positio what looked like a little cup (now don't take my word, I got a quick glance at it as he moved into position).  He used that to look into my eye.  It was a bright white light.  I immediately relaxed.  He was just looking at that point.  But then the white light changed to green lines that were flashing.  They flashed and flashed.  It started to get uncomfortable.  Yes I could feel it on my eyeball.  It was hurting and I started to wonder how much longer I could take.  Cuz seriously, it was not feeling good.  And then it stopped.  It was the longest 5 minutes of my life…..even though it was probably only seconds! (I wasn’t timing but realistically I KNOW it was probably no longer than 20-30 seconds…it just felt like forever.)  I wasn’t timing but I was  so relieved to be done!  

Then he looked at my chart and was like, ok let’s work on the second one.  Yes, I had to go through it again because I had not one tear but two!  Same thing.  White light and then the green laser flashes.  Another 10 minutes (felt like it….but once again probably only seconds) of laser flashes zapping my eyeballs and it was done.

I made the remark at that point that ‘well that was enough to give you a headache’  and he responded with, yeah we didn’t want to tell you to scare you.   What???

The doctor ran this wand over my closed eye lid (I asked, ultrasound to check the position of the floaters in my eye) which took all of 10 seconds (seriously…seconds) and he was prepared to leave the room.  He said ‘make an appointment in 4-6 months for a check.  (From talking in the waiting room I had already ascertained that following a retina tear and subsequent correction that it usually entails 6 months checks for further tears)  And that was it.

The Aftermath

The dimness only lasted maybe thirty seconds, not even enough to really register in my brain, plus they had the room so dim that it wasn't very obvious.  By the time I got up from the chair and made my way to the front reception desk to make my follow-up appointment there was no dimness at all.  The appointment was quickly made and I was out the door at almost exactly the hour mark.

I broke down and sobbed as soon as I walked out the door.  Sobbing as I made my way across the parking lot and into my car.   It was over, and I had survived with my eyesight intact.  I wiped my tears (the tears were washing the yellow dilation solution out so my tears in that eye were yellow) and got myself under control.  It was time to start my day.   

Except that I could feel my eyeball.  

I could feel every bone in my face around my eye.

My eye was dilated to the max, making things blurry in that one eye.  (And making me look higher than a kite).

Yeah, recovery wasn't 'bad'.  I wasn't in pain.  But it felt as if I had taken a punch in the face, right in the eyeball.   A punch that caused my eye to hurt.....and my cheekbone to hurt....and whatnot.  I felt like I got decked.  I felt like I was back after my accident on the bicycle where I landed on my face.  The aftermath of that accident felt exactly the same as this procedure.  However, after that accident, I was black and blue ......there was no evidence of anything like that after this procedure.

I was just tired and ready to call it a day and sleep off the ache in my face that first day.  However, I made it through the work day and managed to be productive (even with a blurry eye....because that dilation lasted about 6-7 hours).  

 Day two was much better.  When I woke up I noticed almost immediately that moving my eyeball to the extreme (like rolling my eyes, or looking out of the corner of my eye) hurt.  It also hurt to touch my eyelid or even around my eye.  And my eye just felt heavy and tired, if that makes any sense.

Day three I was almost better, just felt a bit of heaviness in my eye.  Not pain, not uncomfortable like the two previous days, I just felt it and was aware that my eye was there.    

By day four I was back to normal.

Conclusion 

I wish my doctor had given me some kind of paperwork so I knew what to expect.  Was that normal to feel like you ran into a fist?  Should my eye be that sensitive to touch?  I have no clue if it was normal.  Sure I went to "Doc Google" but that was just more confusing as I saw that many times there were restrictions for a week afterward.  Things like bending over, lifting heavy things, etc.  A lot of the sites also included the fact that antibiotic drops would probably be prescribed to protect during healing?   Hmmmmm  I wish there had been more direct and clear communication.

I know that the odds of me having to have another procedure are pretty high.  Will I stay with this doctor?  If he is the best to complete the procedure?   Probably, I want the best because we only get one set of eyes.  But I will freely admit that I have thought about researching and switching doctors to someone that is a bit more 'user friendly'.  Someone that will take the time to actually talk about it, a place that doesn't treat you like cattle, and someone that actually takes the time to print a simple page of aftercare instructions/FAQ's.  But a switch remains to be seen.

Will I take off the full day after the appointment?  I'm torn on that.   At times I say, 'absolutely'!  Simply because I was still dilated to the max (my coworkers kept coming up to me to laugh at my one dilated eye....ok and to check on me.) and while normal activity was not noticable with one blurry eye, working on the computer was tough.   But even that is not the reason.  The reason I sometimes say I would take the day off is just that tiredness from my face aching!  It got to me!     But that said, do I want to waste a PTO day to sit at home with an aching face?  Probably not, not when I have proven that I can still be productive at work after the procedure.   So really it just boils down to what I"m feeling at the time.    

Consumed

 How are we already 18 days into the new year?  I feel like the year just started and yet here we are. Other than my eyeballs, it's been a normal couple weeks, but it just feels like it's flying by.  That could be because I am busy with life.  But maybe, it is because I am consumed!

Weight Loss

You know, this blog is about weight loss, so I guess I should start with that.  I lost another pound this week at my official weigh in.  (Go me!)  At my current weight I know that with effort it SHOULD be a lot more than that.  But I am chalking up the singular pound to two things.   Number one, I am in my 50's.  And dang if it's not more difficult to lose weight in your 50's!  But the real reason is reason number two which is, I am not tracking calories.  I am not doing anything 'diet' related.  Nope not one single thing.  Nada.  

Ok, maybe one or two little things now that I think about it, technically.  But then again...technically not.   Ok, let me share what I AM doing and you can decide.    

* I am tracking my food.  On paper.  No fancy weight loss apps.  No calories.  No nuttin'! Every day in my day planner I am simply writing down what I eat.  For example: Breakfast - Special K cereal with milk, Lunch - PB & J, applesauce, banana, Dinner- Roast beef with potatoes and carrots.    I am not measuring how much, I am just indicating what I ate. The only exception is one day when I had some cheese puffs with a sandwich and I wrote beside it 'too many'.  Other than that, I am simply keeping track of what I am eating.

* I am weighing myself.   Officially it is weekly, but I admit to stepping on the scales randomly throughout the week.

* I am trying to be more cognizant of what I am eating in terms of nutrition, such as adding more fruits and veggies.  I am limiting my sweet treat to once on a weekend. (Holy cow did that Dairy Queen Blizzard taste good last night!)   And I am trying to focus on how I am feeling versus eating more food simply because it tastes good or eating simply because the clock says it's a mealtime.  

It's slow.  But I think it's healthier for my mind at this point.  I just celebrated my 20th year of writing on here.  That is 20 years of struggling with my weight.  That is 20 years of tracking calories and trying to limit and restrict food.  It's been 20 years of forgetting who I am and living and breathing weight loss.  It's time for something different.  It's time to get in my head and rewire my brain.

Exercise

I have been slow to start anything really in depth in terms of exercise.  I did start my flexibility and mobility class.  I like the class but have issues with it.

Likes:

    *  I love the 15 minutes of stretching at the end.  She starts us at the top of our body and moves down our body one stretch at a time.  Feels fantastic.

   * Instructor is incredibly friendly.

   * Local small business

Dislikes:

    * Even knowing that I have arthritis in my knees it is very heavy on squats and lunges.  Which don't get me wrong, those things are fantastic and needed.  But my knee twinges after the class and while I am pushing through, I do wonder how long before my knees erupt. Ok ok ok, maybe erupt is a bit dramatic, but I do wonder how long before my knees decide that the period of slight twinges is over and it's time to really scream at me.   I am continuing in the hopes that the benefits of the squats and lunges show up before the knee pain screams!  (It really is a balancing act as I know that squats and lunges will strengthen the muscles which will help support the knee.......etc etc etc)

   *  It's class form but one night a week it is only myself and the instructor.  And the other night it is only myself, the instructor and one other person.  I thrive on the social aspect of a class.

   *I'm a little disconcerted that they (instructor and other class member) are huffing and puffing. Sweating, panting and breathing hard through the class. She keeps asking me if I am sore.....Nope.  Not at all! (other than my knee twinge which I mentioned).   But yeah, I'm disconcerted with their heavy breathing and sweating while I am literally feeling like it's a stroll in the park.  Am I in better shape than I thought? (Maybe I am still feeling the positive effects of that 75 day hard that I did in early 2025).  I even looked at my stats to see how I was handling the class!  

 Sure my heart rate is elevated but looking at my Garmin stats, no more than it is during my morning dog walk!

Or this day where there really is no discernible spike for the class at 6PM. Although looking at the chart  I am trying to figure out why I spiked high heart rates throughout the day. (And the time that is blank is because I had to remove my watch when I took my notary exam....no watches, phones purses, ANYTHING could be on me. I literally could only have my ID in my pocket and my car key) 

Zap Zap of the Eyeball and General Life

I have my laser surgery to fix the holes in my retina on Thursday.  I'm still terrified, but it's not like I have any choice in the matter.  Uncorrected the holes may enlarge and eventually cause retina detachment.  That could adversely affect my eyesight.  Losing my vision terrifies me even more, so laser surgery it is.

I have received all of my required documents for my notary commission. So some day this upcoming week (most likely after the zap zap of my eyeball on Thursday) I will go to be sworn in and then stop at another office to register my signature.  It makes sense to do it that day as I will be going to work late that day due to the zap zap appointment and thus the offices that I need will be open to allow me to get these things done.   

Consumed by my Miniature Dollhouses

Maybe it's a good thing that I am consumed by my dollhouse/miniature stuff.  Otherwise, I would be a wreck about the zap zap appointment.   

Maybe it's a good thing that I am consumed by my dollhouse/miniature stuff.  Otherwise, I would be more focused on food.

Maybe it's a good thing that I ........  oh well you get it!

Yes, I am consumed.  I think about my projects constantly.  What am I currently building.  What am I planning on building.  What do I need to buy.  What do I need to make.  What can I add.  This mansion that I am planning to build is a HUGE project.  I am referring to it as my grand opus.  There are a TON of rooms and I'm not making them tiny.  (Some dollhouses really condense things, I am condensing somewhat but not a whole lot!)  It's fun....and being consumed isn't a bad thing.

Being consumed allows me to occupy my mind in a healthy way. Being consumed allows me to take that focus away from my weight loss journey. The mind consuming  dollhouse/miniatures help me fill the void left when I remove the utter focus on weight loss as I work to retrain my mind.   It allows me to not think and focus about those things that make me sad and depressed in life.  It gives me a healthy creative outlet for my time. (I have always been one that is happiest when I am doing something creative....writing, quilting, crocheting, etc)  And seriously, it's just fun!  I just sit and giggle with glee when I make something or finally put something together to make a scene.  Just the other day I made a runner sled...this is the prototype, I plan on making another one with a few things 'corrected' in the next day or two!  So yeah, consumed!

Life is marching on, fast.  And for the time being, I'm doing ok.   

 

Here's to week two of the new year!

This has been a crazy week.  I knew it was going to be thus, but I didn't realize exactly how crazy it was going to be. I actually wrote about the crazy week here.  No worries though, just busy.  What I didn't account for was one coworker being out sick ALL WEEK LONG and another one being out for one day.  Yikes.  I didn't expect to get hit with some tough news.  It has been crazier than I expected, and I still have Friday to make it through.  But lets get into it.....ohhh and on Thursdays my friend and I are sharing our weigh ins for accountability, so I will share with you how I did this first week of the new year.  So without further ado, lets get into it!

Retina Specialist 

During my normal visit to the optometrist to get new glasses, they told me that I may have a hole in my retina.   I felt confident that all was going to go well.  The optometrist had made the comment that he thought it was a pigment spot and nothing else, but to go to the specialist to be sure.  So on Monday I left work early and went to the specialist.   Numerous tests and two hours later and I was reeling.  

Not only do I have one hole in my retina, I have two.   Furthermore, I have thinning of the retina and he talked about me being per-glaucoma!   He skirted the last two things and said that we will deal with them later, the pressing thing now is the holes in my retina.  They want to fix them before they get worse.  So before I left I scheduled an appointment to get my holes fixed through laser.  Yes, what I had been told by my optometrist was correct, they are going to use a laser to zap the holes and that will fuse the holes shut.  After that, I guess we will start to worry about the other issues.

I got home from the appointment and rolled right into making dinner as it was a bit after 6PM by that point.  I ate dinner and I felt like a zombie.   I couldn't really even function.  I fell asleep in the living room by 7pm.  Jason woke me up for me to move to the bedroom, but otherwise, I slept through to the alarm.   Honestly, I think I was in shock at my news.

I woke up the next morning and felt better and decided to tackle my news by doing a little Dr. Google.     I wanted to know what caused these issues.  What is the treatment for the thinning retina.  I mean, what is happening.  I didn't make it far before I just lost it.   Tears and distress.  (Seriously, I can see the stages of grief/acceptance/whatever you want to call it, clear as day.)  I stopped and just tried to hold myself together as I prepared to go to work.  Yeah, I lost it when my coworkers asked about my results.  Oh well, at least I tried to hold it together.

By later that day I had accepted it (I'm still terrified about the laser thing..but oh well).    And I have actually been able to joke about it quite a bit.  I mean I asked a coworker for help and when she showed me something that was right in front of my face I just looked at her and said "It's my traitorous eyeballs you know".     I also have put the appointment in my work calendar as "zap zap of the eyeball".   So I'm doing ok, not exactly happy and not exactly looking forward to it all, but ok with it.

 

Soul Fusion Foundations

Even  with my trauma and messed up eyeballs, I managed to make it to my first to classes of Soul Fusion. (A class that focuses on flexibility, balance and mobility).   I was nervous.  Number one, I was going by myself and knew no one!  Secondly I was afraid that I was going to fail at everything and not be able to do stuff.    But I was pleasantly surprised.  I was able to complete almost everything she did. (There was one stretch that just didn't work for me....I think my stomach was prohibiting the movement).  In fact, maybe 1/4 of the way through she was like "you are doing great, I may try some other stuff.    I feel like I did well.  My legs were a bit like jelly when I left, but overall I was fine and didn't have any real issue with sore muscles.  I am anxious to see if I notice any difference in my mobility in the coming weeks.   

 Notary Exam

Thursday, in the midst of craziness with people off work, I left and went to take my notary exam.  Do you know how many years it's been since I took an official exam/test?   A lot!   So understandably, I was nervous.  I spent some time the night before doing the review and practice test.  I read through my notes in the morning while at work.   And in the  afternoon I went and took the test.   I passed slick as a whistle (I did miss one question and got a 98%) and it only took me ten of the sixty allotted minutes.    So next up I will get a confirmation email, get my bond paperwork and supplies and I can go and be sworn in.  I'm getting closer.

 Weigh In

This first week of the year I have not tracked a single calorie.  I have however written my food into my day planner.  I have tried to drink a decent amount of water (some days I did good others not as good) and I have really tried to avoid or at least seriously limit my sweets.  I have had one or two small pieces of candy (I'm talking ONE miniature Reece's Cup on one or two days).   But overall, I have done well.  And I am happy to say that I dropped 2 pounds.   So I'm on a roll!

One more day until the weekend and I can't wait!!!  Next week should be a bit more 'normal'.  Or should I say the 'new normal' that has me going to an exercise class twice a week.  :-)   But mostly normal.  The zap zap of the eyeball won't come until the following week.  I plan on doing the same routine of tracking my food but not worrying about calories this week and we shall see how that goes!

But here's to week two of the new year 

 

 

 

I"m Lacking in Resolutions

New Years Eve came and went and I have not done any of those typical things that happen at the beginning of the year for people who are serious about losing weight and getting fit.  I haven't done a single solitary thing.  Resolutions?  Nope, I didn't set them.   Write down goals?  Nada.  Not a one.   Did I even write down a word of the year?  Can't say that I did.   Why?  Well, I just didn't feel like it.  But that doesn't mean that I don' have an idea of how I want this year to go.

Theme of the Year

I have chosen words of the year previously.  I have even broken it down to words of the month and words of the week.  I love love love the concept.  But I didn't do it this year.  But that said, I have an idea of what my year theme is.  My theme is rebirth and recovery.  I have been struggling with a lot lately.  I've struggled with depression and an overwhelming sadness.  Along with that comes the anxiety and lack of self worth.  All of it goes hand in hand together and it is perfectly matched with my weight loss efforts.  To recover my physical health, I need to fix myself internally.  That is my theme.....recovery.

How am I proposing to do this? 

  First of all, lots of prayer when the anxiousness and depression threatens to overwhelm.   The last few days I have felt some of these feelings and I have prayed for peace and then after my prayer I mentally force myself to walk away from the overwhelming feelings.  Sure, the feelings came back....but my theory is that it will take them longer and longer to come back each time.

Secondly, I am putting myself first.  I am signing up for my exercise class.  I know that it will inconvenience our home life.  I won't be getting home until around 7:15-7:30 each night.  That's late for someone that has an alarm that goes off at 5AM.   Dinners will have to be pre-planned and prepared well in advance, utilizing the crock pot, the insta-pot and the use of casseroles that can be popped into the oven when Jason gets home to be ready for my arrival.    As inconveniencing as it is, I can't continue to ignore myself and run myself ragged in an effort to take care of everyone else.  It's not that I don't want to take care of Jason anymore, I just know that I have to take care of myself first. (In taking care of myself I will be better equipped to take care of Jason).   But the most important thing is that I am putting myself first because even though I don't always believe it, I know that I am worth every ounce of effort I put into myself. 

Third, I am focusing on things that make me happy.   Last year I read 200 books, yes exactly 200.  It was a day or two before the new year and I saw that I was at 199 and I  knew that I didn't want to leave it at 199....so I made sure to finish the book that I was reading before midnight on New Years Eve.   I love to read and it does make me happy.  So I will be continuing to read. But I will also be doing crafty things.  I love the creativity involved in making quilts (yes I know I still need to take a picture of my memory quilt) and in doing my dollhouse/miniatures.  So I will be focusing on that.  It makes me happy and it reminds me of who I really am!

Weight Loss

I haven't set any main goals for the year.  I am not vowing to lose such and such amount of pounds. I didn't set a resolution to keep my calorie count at a specific number or below.  Same with water and exercise.  I have no set goals.

However, I WILL be working on my weight loss and fitness journey.  I have not been calorie counting.  I've done that for over 20 years.  I'm weary of that.  What I am doing instead is writing down my food.  I am just not adding a number to it in terms of calories and points.  Writing it down as of right now has been sufficient enough make me cognizant of what I am eating, which is the trick for me. (Remember I've had had 20 years of tracking so I kinda know WHAT I need to do even without the numbers attached to each piece of food I put into my mouth).   On Friday at work I did have a Reece's Cup.  It was a miniature and I only had one!  I WANTED more, but I kept it at one.  I knew I had to write it down and I didn't want to write down any more than one!     This may have to be adjusted in a few months or maybe even next week.  But for right now I am trying to focus on eating intrinsically with the reminder (call it a check and balance)  that I have to write it down when it's all said and done.  

 Fitness

As I have said a few times, I have this new exercise class that focuses on flexibility and mobility.   I will be continuing to walk the dog in the mornings (brrr it's so darn cold walking her at 6AM).   I plan on starting some cardio form of exercise within a week or two.  I dread it, because for me to do it I will be exercising at 5AM while Jason is in the shower.  (I hate hate hate doing it that early....but anything else and it won't get done!).   And that's it.......I plan on exercising.  No set number of times....just plan on kicking back in...hopefully the week of the 12th (unless this new class kicks my behind so much that I delay it a bit to get into that routine!)

Finances

I have been really enjoying working on my dollhouse and miniatures.  It has been costing me some money.  That is OK, I have spending money allotted in my budget.  But I can see how this could be an issue if I keep spending at the rate that I have been spending.   I also have been not saying no when my co-workers ask if I want to order out for lunch....which turns out to be between 10-20 dollars each time!  Ohhh yeah, and there are those days that I am on my way to work and decide that a breakfast sandwich (and tater tots and a drink) would be fabulous.  That ends up being about $10.  I have been able to add to my savings and I'm happy with how that account is looking and how it is growing. But I know that if I want it to keep growing something has to give.  I can't keep eating out all the time and buy miniatures and the supplies I need to make miniatures.  One has to go.  I have decided that the eating out has to be curtailed.  So I will be declining most if not all of the meals out in conjunction to work.  The added bonus?   Think of all those calories saved!  

Speaking of miniatures, I will share some pics of the miniature projects here at some point, but lately I have been doing the not so exciting things like building walls, painting, planning....and just not picture friendly things like making a spiral staircase that isn't installed yet so it looks not as fun.   

 

20 Year Blogiversary

 This post is utterly embarrassing to write.   Seriously, it's a hard one for me.   Because you see, it is my 20 year anniversary of writing my thoughts and feelings as they pertain to my weight loss efforts with a little life thrown in there.  

20 years is a long time.   I have been writing on here longer than my youngest nephew has been alive.  (Nope, I didn't commemorate his arrival in any post.....I just checked.).  I have been writing on here longer than I have known Jason, a lot longer than I have known Jason.   (I wrote about meeting a 'friend' in November of 2025 here,  that friend as Jason.).  I have written on here through a divorce.  (I finally came clean about the failure of my marriage here.).  And of course I wrote about my marriage to Jason. (We had so much fun keeping it a secret and then surprising everyone.).  Vacations, I've written about them.  Sickness, yup wrote about that too.  Loss of parents, sadly we have covered that one also.  A lot of happened in 20 years and I've been writing about it.   Seriously, I have written a long time!  20 years.  

So why am I embarrassed?   20 years of writing should be something to be proud of.  But it's not because it's not all victorious.  I feel like a failure.   Because of where I am now.

I started out writing when I was was morbidly obese.

 In those early years I lost a lot of weight.  I was so victorious and I felt so amazing!

 And then I struggled.  For years upon years I have struggled with my weight. Lose a little, gain a little and then sometimes gain a little more.   And here I am , finding myself morbidly obese AGAIN. 

 Utterly embarrassing!!!!

 My last bit of embarrassment is the fact that I was planning this post for January 6th, the date of my blogiversary.   I even wrote about the date in my last post.   So imagine my surprise and shame when I decided to verify the date and realized that my blogiversary was actually January 5th.  This forgetfulness and floating anniversary has been an ongoing issue as evidenced by my anniversary post from last year which talked about all my anniversary posts over the years and highlighted the various days I celebrated.   But hey, I figured it out in time to actually post on the correct day this year.  That's a plus!

 I am still here thought.  I've not given up.  I am determined to make year 21 on this blog another one of victory.  I have done it before, I can do it again!

 

So some fun stats:

Number of Posts:  2713 

Comments: 12231 Comments 

Views:  4.5 Million (not bad for my little online journal to chronicle my weight loss efforts) 

Year  with the most posts:  2008 (334 posts)

Year with the least posts:  2022 (41 posts)  

 

Busy week

 I am gearing up for a busy week!  Yeah, I know that I am just finishing up this holiday week, but I am looking forward to this next week and it's gonna be a busy one!

 

Retina Specialist

A few weeks ago I went to the eye doctor for my normal yearly appointment and new glasses.   I was happy (not that it really mattered) that my vision didn't change much.  My prescription was mostly the same.  I got myself some new specs which I really like.  Ok, the main reason that I like them is that this new pair does not have the nose pieces and is instead just the plastic frame that rests on my nose.  Why is this important?  Well it's important because if I am reading of on my ipad I usually just push my glasses up on my head and go with my normal vision.  Yeah, I know that I have progressive lenses and that seems counter productive.  But it just works for me.  The eye doctor is aware and actually encouraged me to read without glasses when I can.  All was going splendidly with my appointment until the eye doctor started to make a comment, and he kept going back and saying the same thing before going onto something else, just to circle back around to the same exact comment.  So I knew he was really thinking and grappling with something.   The comment?   "I think that's probably just a pigment spot".    But he kept going back to it to look again and finally he said, "I just can't be 100% sure that this tiny spot is pigment.  It very well could be a pin hole in your retina."   

Say what?  

Yeah, I very well may have a hole in my retina.  A tiny one right now.  But a hole none the less.  And this possible hole requires me to visit a retina specialist.  I did ask them what happens at this point.  A small hole will usually get bigger and can be the start of a detached retina.  (sounds scary).    They couldn't give advice as they were not the specialist but they did say that typically a wee tiny hole would just be repaired with a zap of a laser to fuse the hole.  Zap Zap and it's done.  They said that the tears/holes that go uncorrected and get bigger can have more invasive repairs (a metal buckle in the eye is what they alluded to...yikes!)  The eye doctors words were "I could be wasting your time by sending to a specialist, but on the flip side I could be a hero for catching this so early."   I quickly assured him that I would rather be safe than sorry....especially since I only get one set of eyes.  Sooooooo.... on Monday January 5th, I am heading to a retina specialist for a 2 hour appointment.   I imagine that I should have some idea of what is happening by the end of the appointment. (I HOPE)

 Soul Fusion Foundations

In my last post I wrote about how I had found a beginners exercise class (very small class size) that focuses on mobility and flexibility.   I have made the commitment and I am looking forward to starting.  I know that it will be ugly.  I won't be able to do all the moves because I have slipped that far. But I am anxious to get rolling so that I can start to see improvements!    The first class is Tuesday the 6th after work and the second class is Thursday after work.    Something new and exciting.

Notary

Also this week is my scheduled appointment to take my notary exam.  Yes, I am set to become a notary in the fine state of Pennsylvania.  I have taken the class.  I have submitted my application.  I am just waiting to take the exam and that exam is scheduled for Thursday January 8th in the afternoon.    The course that I went through offers a refresher guide and a practice exam that they recommend that you do the day or two before you take the exam.  So I have to slip that into my week.  

Blog-i-versary

On January 6th  I will celebrate 20 years of writing and sharing my journey on this forum.  Crazy I know!  So I have to write a post commemorating that for sure!

Normal Hum Drum Life

Of course in the midst of all of that craziness I will still be working my normal 40 hours at work (although lately it has been more like 42-45 hours each week).  I will be making dinners each evening, going on a walk with the dog in the morning, and all the other normal stuff.   So yeah, it's gonna be a busy one!  But amidst the crazy is some exciting changes that will be nice in my life! 

This is Not Going to End Well

 A few days ago I as having a conversation and I said "this is not going to end well'. That phrase has been the mantra in my head since then.

The conversation was about my health.  I was talking about the trajectory that I am on.  I am slowly gaining weight.  Now lets be clear, I don't gain weight each day or even each week.  But I will be hanging steady in a 'decade' on the scales (A decade being a 10 pound range).  I'll be in that decade for a few months and then one day I wake up and I am in the next decade.   And sadly, it's not the decade below, it's the next decade up.  So a slow rise.   The weight is not the only issue.  I am slowly losing mobility.  Yeah yeah yeah, I know. I am in my 50's and someone is bound to remind me of that.  But lets be honest.  a 53 year old (because yes, I did just have a birthday) should NOT be struggling to get up off the sofa.  A 53 year old should NOT be reluctant to get down to look in the bottom shelf of the fridge because she knows the struggle to get back up.  A 53 year old should not dread doing laundry because it's down in the basement and doing steps hurts. 

 

 Ok, the steps could be the arthritis in my knees.  But the rest of it......shouldn't be happening!  I've seen this coming at me like a slow moving freight train.  About a year ago I realized that if I knelt on one knee I just COULDN'T get up like I used to.  Getting down on one knee feels choppy and rough and totally not graceful.  But when I'm down there and go to get up I literally know what I need to do.  My brain is literally sending the signals to my muscles (thighs.....core...you name it) but they will NOT move.  It's insane.  Crouching?   Oh my....once again choppy and ugly and I can still do it....kinda.  I can get down and I can get up but on my word it HURTS. Yet I still try to force myself to do it.  But I really have to think about it and force myself to do it.      I see the slip.  I have seen it happening.  I have tried to take extra precautions to stop the downward slide.  I force myself to stand from the couch or a chair without using my hands.....when I remember to not use my hands.  I try to do these things even when I know they will hurt.  But at the most that has slowed the progression, maybe halted it.

But slowing the progression isn't enough.  I need to regain my mobility.

A few years ago I found a small fitness studio near my house.  I honestly think the studio and class size is limited to 6 or 8 (if I remember correctly).  I contacted the owner a few years back.  I actually contacted her before my mobility issues became obvious.  But life was still in the throes of being nuts.  So I never followed through.  A few months ago I saw that she was starting a new class.  Soul Fusion Foundations.  This class was for people that had seen mobility and flexibility diminish....ladies specifically.  I was super interested.  But I was quite literally just starting my job, so I put it on the back burner. 

By back burner, I mean that I totally forgot about it.  Then about a week ago I made that comment "this is not going to end well'.  I made the comment in a couple of different conversations with various people too. I know that I can change the trajectory of this path.  But to change the trajectory, I need to change what I'm doing.  In the midst of those thoughts I was flipping through social media and what should appear (not 8 tiny reindeer) but a post from this small fitness studio.  She is looking for people to join her foundations class and put a post out there.   I contacted her immediately.  It's a bit more money than I would like to spend.  But I am signing up.  Two nights a week for an hour each.  I am going to try to regain my mobility and flexibility. 

I also have a weekly weigh in planned with a friend....to give me accountability. 

The other factor that may play to my favor is this dollhouse project that I talked about in my last post. (You can read that here.)  The miniature world can be pricey.  Even if I make my own stuff, it takes supplies.  I don't want to sacrifice my existing savings account nor do I want to sacrifice the amounts that I am putting into my savings each month.  So that means something has to be adjusted.  Limiting my eating out while at work on on the way to work will help limit wasteful calories!  Win Win!