Love Hate

I have a definite love hate relationship with running.  Sick as I was on Monday (and I don't remember much about monday...I pretty much spent from 12:30 AM until about 9PM on the recliner, sleeping), I still asked the doctor when I could resume running.  Yeah, even after my torturous run on Saturday I was concerned about running.  She kinda laughed at me running on Thursday but she cleared me to run.  Well, it's Wednesday night and I'll say pretty definitively that I will NOT be running tomorrow morning.  At this point I'm HOPING for this weekend.

And here is where the love comes in.....I reallly kinda miss running.  I did get out in the car twice today as a passenger. As I rode down the roads that I typically run I found myself thinking "I run on this road"  with a sound of nostalgic longing evident in my mental voice.   Wow...go figure.

Today I actually sat upright and tried to move around a bit more.  I feel sluggish and slow but no where near as exhausted.   The cough, rattle in my chest and the tightness in my chest has not let up though.  GRRR   And the rash...that the doctor said would respond immediately to the oral steroid regime is still kicking loud and strong.   Lucky me!

The longer this goes on, the more concerned I'm going to be about this half marathon.  I don't have much wiggle room in my training schedule.   Right now I feel I can probably still recover from this week of involuntary enforced lethargy.    We shall see.

The good news from my week of sickness???  Even with being on an oral steroid which apparently causes weight gain (water retention) I have dropped 6.4 pounds.   True pounds?  We shall see if I can maintain the through next week (or through whenever I am well again!!)

So my poor little Ethel....she has arthritis really bad in her back legs and doesn't jump up on furniture anymore....I left her up if I am around (and set her down when she wants down).  I was laying on the couch yesterday and I thought it was mertz nosing around....but before I knew it...my little achy kitty cat had somehow crawled herself up onto the couch to be with her mommy!   I moved over to allow her to lay with me.  She was so proud of herself.   She has spent hours with me on the couch yesterday and today.  HOURS.  That first visit when she was so proud she stayed with me for 6 hours straight. (no, I didn't move either).    She does nap but overall she is a GREAT nurse!

Slow but Mighty

The other day when I ran (Thursday) I was so proud of my run that I had made a comment to myself while I ran.  I actually even used the phrase in the blog post that I wrote later that day.   I can't get the phrase out of my mind.

Slow but Mighty

I ran those miles.  I opened up a can of Whoop Ass on those miles.   I smashed them!  I was slow but I was mighty.  My pace may not be something that will put me in the record book for running accomplishments.  But you know what?   For me, it is a MIGHTY accomplishment.  At my current weight?   It is a MIGHTY accomplishment.   Yes, it is MIGHTY!!!  I am MIGHTY.  

I came home and within a day I ran into this picture on Facebook.  

Wow, how perfect for my Strong but Mighty thoughts.   Absolutely perfect!      You see, it's so easy to get sucked into the mire of 'pace this' and 'pace that'.   But that is just a number.  (I want my pace to get better, and yes, I do keep track of my tortoise pace, but it's just a number.) The important thing is that I got out and DID it.  I put the miles on my legs.  I completed it. Slow doesn't matter.....perseverance and completion of the task is what matters!   I'm seeing daily improvements in my running.  I'm seeing myself run for longer stretches.  I see myself taking no prisoners in my running. I am improving!   And the kicker of these improvements?   I'm seeing the improvements in the midst of being sick!   How absolutely crazy is that????   What it boils down to is this.....I may not be totally happy with where I am at.  I wish I was faster.  I wish I could run further.  But I'm totally at peace and excited about where I am!!!!  

I am gearing up for my half marathon.  I am training and I'm feeling more and more confident that I can actually complete this half marathon.  I have laid out a few places that I am interested in site seeing whilst in Philly.  (Liberty Bell, US Mint, Betsy Ross House and Independence Seaport Museum) are on my short list)  I just found out that the gal that I was supposed to share a room with in Philly that weekend has backed out.   When we reserved the room, it was clearly and agreed upon a non-refundable purchase, text messages prove this point.   But as a courtesy, I am in the process of putting out some feelers to see if anyone wants to buy out her portion...so far no luck.

My eating yesterday was off the charts.....500 calories over my budget.   GRRRR  I'm going to blame it on the cookies that someone brought into work.   Yeah, it was the cookies fault!  Right?   Ok, I know that I can blame no one but myself.   I am the only one in charge of my destiny.   It is up to me to figure out how I want it to play out!

Today it is going to play out like this.  

*I am at work until noon. 

* I brought running clothes and I plan to change here and hit up the canal right after work.   I am scheduled for 5 miles.  But the easiest turn around point (without having to check my gps) is at the 3 mile point point so I am planning on a six mile run.   There are mile markers, so if I need to, I will know when I hit the 5 mile point on my run. (Where I am hopping onto the canal is at a mile marker) So if I need to stop running I can stop running and walk back to the car if need be.  That's the best I can do for a bailout option!   I am actually pretty excited about running this area today as it will be the first time since my husband and I separated that I will be running on this section of the canal.  It was a section that I ran/walked/biked quite frequently when I was married.  It will be like returning to an old friend!  I am a little worried about running at high noon.  I usually run in the mornings and very rarely in the evenings.  But this is when I have the opportunity to run 

*If the mowing has not been done by the time I get home, I will mow all of the properties.   

*  Shower and relax and dinner.

Me myself and I

The last couple months have been interesting. I am thinking that maybe I should refer to 2015 as the year of 'cleaning house'.  It seems as if I am eliminating things that are bad for me in my life.   As the final days of my marriage are winding down. (On paper...the marriage has been long over in reality.) I have all of a sudden sat up and started taking notice of my surroundings.  I have unfortunately said goodbye to some friends and people in my life.   One a few weeks back and another just this week.  It's not easy.  But I think it has been necessary for my well being.  I mean seriously....my name is MaryFran.     Call me MaryFrances which is my complete full name.  Call me MaryFran which is what half of the world calls me.   Heck, call me MF, a bunch of people call me that.   But whatever you do, do NOT call me Mary.  My mother was adamant about that when I was young and therefore, I do not associate myself with the name Mary.  You may as well call me Susan if you are going to call me Mary.   This most recent person has been in my life for maybe 7 months or so.....and they STILL had issues with calling me MaryFran.  Really?  It's not that difficult. It's actually disrespectful to not call me by the name that I was given at birth and the name that I chose to go by.   There were some other issues, but I had to cut that tie.   It's not healthy for me.  Just like the other person's constant drama and pandering.  The people that I've gotten rid of are much more crass and abrasive.   I don't appreciate that behavior and if honestly makes me uncomfortable.  I don't need that.......so moving on.   

Yes, this has left a huge hole in my life, socially speaking.  However, I will survive.

Weirdly enough, my soon to be ex (well, he already is my ex just not legally kinda sorta...long story) has turned into a decent friend.   Really it shouldn't be all that surprising as the only thing that held our marriage together is the fact that we lived as friends and that occasionally we would go out for the day and act as friends.  No, there is no chance of a reconciliation.   I laughingly told him that someone predicted that we would end up back together and before I could finish the sentence with the words "Cold day in H....E..... Double hockey sticks"  he said "Don't take this wrong but NO.....I believe I am a person that was meant to be single and even if you begged right now I'd have to say absolutely not!"    I was actually VERY relieved to hear that as it cleared the air for our friendship to actually flourish as FRIENDS.   

So this new found freedom from people that were dragging (potentially) me down.....what is my focus.   Running.   I run.  

 Sick again today...but the schedule showed a 3.5 mile run today so by golly, I got out there and did 3.72 miles.  My run was a bit slower in pace....by about 15 seconds per mile.  But I'm ok with that.  My chest hurts, my throat hurts and the cough is just downright annoying.....and I felt horrible croaking out in my raspy voice my hello's to the gardeners and such that I ran past.    But I did it.    Here is the crazy thing?   My legs felt absolutely fine.   My breathing was regulated.   I had a pretty decent run....except for the fact that my chest and throat felt horrid.  Yes, I did stop to walk for about 30 -60 seconds, three times.  Just needed to walk a bit to ease up the tight feeling in my chest.  (the tightness of the sickness increases when I run).   Regardless.....I ran....SICK!

My weight.....that is another thing that I plan on focusing on.  

 Right now I have a big GRRRRRR   I haven't weighed myself since Friday morning.  Friday night I went to a Chinese Buffet.......Not the greatest of choices I know.   Saturday evening I went to Cafe Italia (Hagerstown, MD) with my parents and their friend Kathy.  I was planning on ordering a grilled chicken salad.  Really, I was.  Until the three guys beside our table ordered one of the HUGE pizza's and it drew my attention.  So of course I switched to a pizza.  SOOOO yummy.   (Technically I wasn't over my calories as I had run 4.3 miles that morning...but well....we know me and what happens when I eat my exercise calories....I either gain or if I'm lucky, I maintain.)   Sunday I went out geocaching and ended up eating at Hoss's Steakhouse.  I got the salad bar......and ate mostly salad.....with macaroni salad on the said. (yeah, call me weird but one of their french dressings tastes FABULOUS on top of the macaroni salad).   I had two plates of salad.....a bowl of soup and two different small pieces of dessert.  I had three on my plate......the third only tasted mediocre so I didn't eat more than the first nibble....VICTORY.   

So three days of eating.....not exactly on point.  And my weight was up.   and I'm back at the low end of that that stupid 5 pound range that I have struggled to get out of.    

I will leave you with a giggle about my morning run today.

My dad usually walks in the morning and once or twice I have seen him as much of the time our walks/run overlap.   Today was not one of those days.  When I got home, the first words out of my mom's mouth was "Did you see your dad today while you were out running?"    I honestly answered with a negative and then watched as mom burst out laughing hysterically.   According to mom, my father had been walking and he saw me in the distance....so he called out hello.....once or twice.   And the poor girl looked at him and took off running.   It wasn't me....so dad freaked out some poor innocent girl.   (the story may have  been embellished a bit by my mother....I will have to check with daddio when I get home tonight....although he has texted me and said "PLEASE tell me that was you on such and such road this morning at about 7:30"  Ha ha ha.....

15 calories....they would add up pretty quickly!!!

Today was supposed to be a rest day.  But I know that my Thursday and Fridays I have planned them to be a bit interchangeable.  Thursday runs are difficult because I am tired.  It's the end of my work week.  It's the end of a few days straight of some vigorous exercise.   Fridays make more sense to run for that reason.  Schedule wise it actually kind of makes more sense to run on Thursdays.  However  I planned Fridays based on the needs of my bodym thus allowing myself the wiggle room to push off Thursdays run to Friday if need be and it won't 'affect' my schedule.  Yeah, if I'm scheduled to run Thursday and I don't do it, I know me.  I'll be down on myself because 'I was scheduled and I didn't do it'.  This way I have the wiggle room on the days that I knew would be most difficult for me.  (Sundays is my long run day.....Saturdays are hit or miss so I made it on Sundays.  If I get the log run in on Saturday, awesome.  If not, and I do it on Sunday then I'm right on Schedule!)  Yeah, it's a mind game...but that's all good.

So let me back up a bit before I go on with my 'supposed' rest day.    A week or two ago my nephew came down sick.  My other nephew followed a few days later and it's been like slow falling dominos since then.  And it's not a 'sick and then well'  it seems to be a sick and linger and then just when you think life is grand again reoccurring ickiness.    I had hoped and prayed that I would not succumb.  NO WAY!   I don't have time for that stuff!  I have a life to lead.  I have a half marathon to train for.  I have plans!    

And of course here is a picture of the culprits and carriers of the dreaded bug! 

Well, on Tuesday afternoon I started noticing a tickle in my throat/chest that caused me to cough.  A dry cough that emphasized the tightness in my chest.   I rolled with it.  I hoped for the best.   Wednesday it was a bit more regular but I still went to zumba.   I actually made it through the class and really didn't have many issues.  I noticed the tightness in my chest but it wasn't bad enough to make me stop.    This morning (Thursday) I woke up and boy was my chest tight. The cough was there and my voice was DEEP.  Yeah, this was not looking good.  I

I laid in bed for a bit and then decided.....lets get this 3 mile run over with today.  I don't know how I'm going to feel tomorrow and I'd rather do it today and be done just in case.  And if I feel fabulous tomorrow.....well then the run is done anyway and I can enjoy my early afternoon off of work without the specter of a run marring the afternoon.  So out I went.

I did surprisingly well.  A few times I felt as if I couldn't get a deep enough breath of air, but nothing major. (ha ha ha as if breathing isn't major!)  The last half mile or so my chest was HURTING.  Hurting as in my first thought was, "Holy cow, I'm having a heart attack"  until I remember that my chest had been tight and I just ran 3 miles.     My time?   I am proud to say that the run portion of my run this morning was only 1 second slower per mile than my run portion from Tuesday.  not bad.  

Yes, my pace is showing on the pic a lot slower because I had already started my cool down walk and I was getting my picture so I could calculate my running pace. I do NOT run at a 20 minute pace!  

So I got home, had a piece of toast, packed my lunch, showered and I headed out to work. I decided to stop at a pharmacy to pick up some medication. No, I don't need medication at this point.  But I decided to douse this cold with some Vitamin C.  So I picked up some Airborne type medicine. (ok, I'm cheap and bought the store brand, which we all know is usually made by the same company)  and some cough drops in case the coughing starts to annoy me.  Yes, I know I should have been doing the Airborne stuff since they first got sick and not wait until I showed the first signs...but this is how I roll!   

Don't be a hater.....I wanted the yummy tasting cough drops!  

Drat at 15 calories a cough drop.....do I have to count them if I succumb to the pressure/need to use them???

Pain in the.......

I've been doing really good with my workouts.  I've been somewhat consistent this past week.  I can REALLY tell.  Yesterday my legs were feeling tight when I ran.  This morning I walked 5 miles and from that point onward I have felt the muscles in my legs.   My body is just tired.  I am due for a rest day.  It's been a few months since I actually 'felt' the physical need for a rest day.  It's a good feeling!

My eating today was NOT spot on.  But I'm ok with it.  I am not aiming for perfection.  I am not aiming for anything other than what works for me!  I'm aiming for eating to sustain myself, to continue to enjoy my food but not go overboard!

You know...the way life goes just amuses me.  Yesterday I was looking and my eye caught the Habitat for Humanity half marathon in September.  Its in Hancock, MD....and I believe utilizes the rail trail (which means the grade is pretty easy..no obscene hills).  I tentatively made a commitment to run that half.  And whadya know??????   Today the pain in my heel has kicked into high gear.  Yeah......that's the way things seem to roll.   I'm going to see what I can do.  I know that taping my foot helps....not just for running but general usage when it's really kicking.  So I'll be taping my foot here for the next few to ease it up.  And I'm going to push forward.  :-)  As for that half.......it's still on my radar.....nothing set in stone because of this stupid heel thing...but then again, I don't have to really seriously work on training for it until July.  Hmmmmmm   I just know that if I don't do it, I'm always going to wonder if I could have completed it.

I've also looked at some possible bike rides.  That will take work and perseverance too!  This is going to be MY YEAR!

Meanwhile.....wow...a forecast of snow!   Aren't we lucky????