Staying the course

It is Friday and I couldn’t be happier!   I am ready for the weekend!   Like normal I am so tired...but that’s ok, I will make it through today for sure!   There really isn’t much to talk about in my weight loss journey this week.  The best way to sum it up is that,’I stayed the course’.

I stayed the course this week.  I tracked my food.   I kept my calorie count in check.  

Total calorie check...

I added as much activity as possible.

Calories with activity added in....

  I would say that  lived a pretty healthy life this week.   Will it equate to a loss on the scales?   Well, we will find out sooner or later. (It will be in Monday’s blog post)

The weather was stinkin’ hot this week.  So the exercise was a real....sweaty chore!  But we did get out on wednesday evening for a half hour mid week bike ride.  Woohoo us!   And I didn’t let the heat deter me from my lunchtime walks.   I didn’t even let it stop me from my break walks.  Outside.In.The.Heat.     Let me tell you...it was still warm on Thursday but the humidity seemed to be lower (I don’t know for sure if it had dropped) and there was a breeze!  It was fabulous!   Enjoyable and refreshing!!! 

I did take a step this week to do something I should have done ages ago.  I measured myself.   I have done this in the past and have never stuck to it...but we shall see!  

This weekend is supposed to be blessedly cool with low humidity.   We are looking forward to it for sure!   We have already decided where we are going to ride!  (Spoiler alert...we are going to do the same loop that we did last weekend!!). We are going to be going to have lunch with Jason’s family to celebrate his birthday on Sunday.  So we are not sure what kind of ride we may be able to get in on Sunday morning early.  But I have a feeling we may try something.    We found a really small pump track in our town at one of the parks.  Maybe we will go there.  But let’s be honest...the pump track kinda scares me...I have no clue what I’m doing.  Let me see if I can describe what a pump track is....it is a loop track that has lots of bumps and small hills.  The theory is that you can get on your bike and use your bike and then  pump your arms and legs at the right spots (in conjunction with the hills and dips) and you should be able to ‘pump’ your way through the track without peddling.   Why does it scare me?   Ok, part of it is that the pump track is like way totally out in the open so everyone will see me....back to the shame at my inept fatness.   Seriously?   I should know to not be embarrassed by now. But I am.   

Oh well.  So that’s my week and a preview of the weekend!!!  I plan on staying the course with this weight loss journey!  I can do it!!

A rare occurrence: silence...maybe

Something rare has happened today.   It would shock my family to read this for sure....but I have nothing to say!  Seriously.  I started to think about my post a few days back and came up with nothing.  It kept coming to my mind and I kept coming up blank.  I have been rendered quiet!  It’s rare so enjoy the silence!

Ok, so I’m not quite done.  I guess the process of starting to write sparked some ideas.

This past weekend we rode our bikes twice.  The first  ride was crazy.  I dreaded it from the beginning.  My mind was full of excuses.  I just didn’t want to be there....and it was a rough ride for me!  I was slow and felt sluggish!   It might have been the turmoil pf excuses in my mind playing a mind trick...but it may have also been due to being exhausted in general. I stayed on trails I knew I could complete and I didn’t allow myself to give up and walk.  I KNEW I could clear them and by golly I was going to clear them...and I did!

The next day we went out again and it was much much better! I wasn’t dreading it and we went first thing in the morning so it was cooler (as cool as a heat index of 95-100 can be).  We went on some new trails...and rode for much longer.  I had to walk my bike a few times.  I had to rest  a few times.  But I did it!  I actually rode my bike to the point of near exhaustion.  I was so wiped out!  My legs were sore...I was tired!   It was a good ride!  Lots of calories burned and lots of muscles built!

I have continued with the yoga this week and also have walked on my work breaks and lunch break.  It’s been ungodly hot, but I do it!  

I have dropped 12 pounds or so since the beginning of June....I don’t see a difference in my clothes yet.  I don’t see it.  But people are still commenting on my weight loss....so I will take it as success.  Plus, even if I don’t see it....I know I am making myself strong and fit and that is what really matters!!

So while I am somewhat mute today with a topic to speak about, I am still moving forward in my quest to be healthy and fit (and thin)!  My weight loss journey continues!

Progress

This summer is just marching by at an incredibly fast pace!  We were out this weekend on our bikes and we saw some leaves that were starting to drop. What?   It's too early for that!  And yes, while it is too early for a full onslaught of fall foliage, it is right around the corner!   I am not too upset about that, because I like fall.but it's crazy because that means that it's been almost one season since I recommitted to this weight loss journey.  So where am I?

I do feel as if I have made progress.   I have lost weight.   This time in mid to late May I was sitting at 255 pounds.  I am NOT that weight anymore.  I'm still not where I want to be but I"m making progress.    As of my official weigh in on Friday, I am 238.8.   Not great in my mind but SO much better than where I was just a few months ago.  Progress in the right direction!

We were riding this past weekend on some trails and at one point we hit a trail that we had not been on since almost exactly a year ago.  We had hit this particular trail only 2 or 3 weeks after I had purchased my new bike.   Yesterday, as I roared over obstacles and just bounced down the erosion deterrent steps on a downhill section I couldn't help but smile.   Last year I had carefully chosen the path of least resistance.....swerving and dodging and trying to avoid any obstacle.  That was not the same this year.  I was just taking the obstacles like a pro. (Ok, they were not huge obstacles...I still can't jump over larger things...hahaha).  That's progress.

Another place of progress is with my exercise.  I am doing well with keeping moving!  I do the yoga, I walk on my breaks.  We ride on the weekends.  I'm making progress in building my habits! 

I am making HUGE progress in my balance with food.  I am doing well with learning to manage and eat in moderation.....ok more specifically the treats and fun things. I have refused to give up those items because if I do, I am not 'LIVING"  It has finally clicked in my head that I CAN have them.....but just limited.  And NOT only has it clicked, but I have been for a few months really practicing what my mind knows. I had a piece of brownie this weekend.....but I had had nothing for the preceding week!   And guess what?  I didn't miss it over the week because I KNEW that I could have it when I wanted....but knowing that I had the 'ok' it took away the burning need to have it!  That is HUGE progress for a food addict!

Soo there you go.  An update on the progress of my efforts!  Am I flying through my progression?  NO.  Am I going slow?  YES.   I would like to make progress at a much faster pace but for me and my weight loss journey, this is exactly where I need to be!

Two weeks of yoga

A week ago I started a new chapter in this weight loss journey.  I decided to give yoga a try.  And let me tell you, this yoga thing has been a crazy adventure thus far.  I have already learned to much about my body!  But lets see how the first few yoga sessions have gone!

 

I am doing Yoga With Adriene, which can be found on Youtube.  I like her style. She is laid back and shows modifications for the moves.  She also encourages us and says that it doesn’t matter where you are….just do it.  So it is easy to struggle through the sessions with her because she is so ‘accepting’.  Yeah, I know…it’s crazy because I feel accepted by a youtube video!

I started doing yoga because I know that it is said to really tone and shape the body.  I also know that a lot of the moves would be beneficial to my bike riding...I figured it would be a win win!

The first few days were atrocious!  I was hurting.  I was hurting BAD.  The first day was great….until about 10 minutes in and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.   That this yogo stuff wasn’t for a sissy!  It was hard!

Day two and I was so relieved to see the title of the video was Gentle and soothing.   Let me tell you there was nothing gentle and soothing about that crap!  I was sweating bullets and in misery! 

And it didn’t get better!  My legs shake.  My arms quiver.  My stomach clenches!   I am dripping sweat!  The struggle is real!  I constantly question myself.  Why am I waking up early to torture myself?  Because seriously…that is what this is.  Torture!

And one of my more recent text messages with my accountability buddy.

I did decide to forego yoga on the weekends.  It just seemed wise since the mountain bike rides are already giving me a full body workout!  I may revisit this in the future but for right now I am ok with this decision to step away from the yoga torture for just a day or two each weekend.

But seriously, what lessons have I learned?  Here they are in a bullet point style format.

·          Apparently, I have no balance!   I am in danger of toppling over quite a bit of the time.  In fact one day I was rather close to the TV and I feared that I would fall and break the television! 

·         I am super excited to see how my body changes and becomes stronger.

·         The arm issue that I have struggled with for months is almost totally gone after only two weeks of stretching with yoga.

·         Watching a short video of myself (and actually posting it on Youtube) was a lesson in humility!

·         I have absolutely NO flexibility!  None!  My body just doesn’t bend!

·         Yoga is difficult with a fat flabby belly getting in the way.

·         It’s not so bad to wake up at 4:45 in the morning to do yoga…..it’s kind of relaxing in a sweaty achy sort of way.

·         My muscles in my legs are SUPER tight and not at all stretchy and loose!

·         I’m toying with buying a yoga block for this experiment. 

•.        I realized it is more than ok to do the moves with modifications...I’ll improve the more I do it.

·         I always believed my legs to be strong….WRONG!

·         Downward dog….cobra….warrior……I’m learning all the poses.  It’s not pretty (yet) but I’m attempting them all!

·         This should make me a strong mountain biker

·         You CAN work up a sweat with simple yoga poses.

I don’t see progress yet….but I’m not giving up.  I’ve committed to 30 days of yoga.  It should have been one month…but it will be closer to a month and a half due to my weekends off.  I’m excited to see the changes that may happen.  I’m looking forward to being strong.  I’m tickled to see how this equates to me being a stronger rider on my bike.  This can only be good….right?

 

Oh and check out my latest YouTube video about a bike ride....  (and subscribe to my channel if you already haven’t....)

Pushing onward: weight loss ups and downs

It was so difficult to go back to work after a four-day weekend. But alas, the bills need to be paid so both of us went back to work on Tuesday. We had a great weekend though!

We stayed busy over the weekend. And more specifically we tried to stay active. On Saturday we headed south and went to our favorite little hotel. It is an old 1950s Motel with a small pool. The pool water felt fabulous! We swam or at least treaded water for about 40 minutes. 

On Sunday and Monday both, we went to a bike trail and went mountain biking. 

Both of those days were incredible for different reasons. On Sundays ride I actually was on a trail that I loved doing! (I’ve done it before but this time it was actually joyous!). Sure, there were a few spots that were more difficult but for the most part I just had fun! Monday was a bit more difficult with my legs still recovering from the previous days ride.  But, I still attempted ‘the hill’. There is a hill on a fire road that I have been trying to make it to the top every time we bike in that area.   I try it every time we are there.  My theory is that I will improve every time!   Typically, I make it to about the same spot or maybe one bike length further up the hill… It really is slow progress, but I am persistent!  But something happened on our  Monday ride.   I don’t know what caused the change but I actually increased the distance that I climbed up that hill by about 30 to 50 feet! I was so over-the-top happy. I am still not even halfway up this hill, but I saw a huge leap in my progression!  Bring it on!!!!!

We celebrated Jason‘s birthday this weekend and even though I had showed a gain  on the scales for my official Friday weigh in,I am in this journey to live healthy....or in other words live my life but still make mostly healthy choices.  So yes, I did splurge on his birthday treat. Yes, it was a high calorie treat. One big splurge isn’t going to hurt me, I know that!   His choice? We got Cinnabon. I enjoyed every bite and I feel no regret. That was Saturday night and on Sunday night I bought a package of Reesie’s cups. I planned on just eating one cup that evening. I had calculated my calories and I had more than enough unused calories (remember a big bike ride...lots of earned calories). I was looking forward to my Reese‘s cup. But as I ate  my dinner, I begin to feel full. Oh, I still wanted the Reesie’s cup. However, I knew that I would enjoy it more if I actually wasn’t feeling so full. I also knew that I could have it any other night that I wanted (as long as I had the calories available) and, I knew that if Jason  ate it before I manage to get my Reesie‘s cup that I could just go to the store and buy another one. There was no reason for me to gobble up that Reesie’s cup , not when my body was telling me to stop eating. (And that package of Reece’s cups have yet to be opened!)  That is the epitome of living healthy!  I cut loose and lived this weekend....but I did it in moderation and I listened to my body!  Win!!!

I caved and listened to the weather reports and did not walk on Tuesday, nor did I walk anywhere.  I stayed at my desk like a slug!  Oops!

Yoga continues.   I didn’t do it over the weekend.  I just didn’t have the time...and my muscles got a good workout anyway!  It is still difficult for me but I am pushing through!  It’s going to get better right?  Ok, it had gotten better...I can see some things getting a bit easier!  But I’m still sweating like a roasting pig while I’m doing it!!!

So that is the update.  I’m waiting to see if my weight starts to drop.  It remained up all weekend (nope I showed no gain from the Cinnabon)...crossing my fingers that it starts to drop!  Please please please!!!  

The ups and downs of a weight loss journey.  That is how I would describe this past week or so!  It’s crazy but it is my journey! 

Keep living and TRUST the healthy living plan

This week is a mixture of emotions.   I had my weigh in on Friday and I was SOOOO not happy with my weight.  Seeing a number that I don't like really makes me want to give up, but that is NOT an option.  So I reviewed the week.  I pondered and I decided upon my course of action.   And honestly, my course of action may surprise some!

So lets get the nasties over with now.......I gained weight last week.

Just imagine me giving a deep sigh right now about showing a gain.

So I sat back and pondered and thought about my week. Honestly, when I thought back to the week that had just passed I could find NO issues with my food for the week.  I was honestly within my calories and eating really healthy options! Limited my carbs....ate near dang perfect.   I allow myself splurges here and there but I hadn't had ANY that week.  The biggest splurge I had was one night when I had some extra calories left in my budget and I had a banana with some peanut butter and chocolate.  I splurged on a BANANA....so a 3 pound gain?  I swear, it wasn't a big banana!

See, my calories were fine...and if I add in my exercise/activity I was MORE than fine.

I rode my bike.  I ran.  I walked every lunch break and every 15 minute break.  I also did yoga at 4:45 in the morning.  Did you get that? IN THE MORNING!  I sacrificed. Oh, and lets not forget the squats...175 a day.    I pushed myself.  I was KILLING it!   And I gained?

~~Another deep sigh~~

So what is my plan of attack?  Nothing but stay the course!   I am doing this the slow way and I am ok with that (really, I am).  I know that this way is the way that is going to set me up for 'forever' in terms of keeping my weight off.  That means that the scales will not always show a loss.  And if I am going to go this route I must accept the weird numbers on the scales.  

Ok, so that said....it is TOM (darn monthly water retention) and all that added activity and sore muscles which means that I was probably retaining water as my muscles worked to heal themselves.  So I KNOW that the muscle thing could be a part of the weight.  Are the muscles I'm gaining outweighing the fat I'm losing?    I wrote about the possibilities  a while back....right here if you are interested.

So, I am doing NOTHING different.  In fact, today is Jason's birthday and I celebrated this weekend with an indulgence of a Cinnabon.   Yes, it was super high in calories.....and yes it was worth it.  And I am ok with it!   It was a one night thing.  I am back on track and don't need a splurge again...maybe next week. (But I'm not interested in Jason's birthday sweet treat that is being made today....he would certainly share it with me....but I already splurged on something that I thought was worth it!)  

Ironically enough... one day this weekend when we rode our bikes I actually had the calories to have a Reece’s Cup (one cup...not a package) and I was so disappointed to find myself full and satisfied after dinner.  Did I shovel the Reece’s Cup into my mouth? No, I want to enjoy it and eating it when I’m already full is not enjoying...that is folish!   No...it will be waiting for whenever I have the calories AND when I can appreciate it!!!

So I am NOT changing course.  I am quite ok with what I am doing.  I am living healthy  I'm learning to live in moderation.  I"m learning to manage food.  I am learning to NOT allow food to have a hold over me.  I'm living life but changing at the same time.  I call that a weight loss journey win!

A long weekend looms!

I am happy!  Today is Friday and I am off work!   I am actually alsoboff work on Monday!  So a four day weekend!    I am sure there will be plenty of activity and happenings.  And well, maybe even a bit of celebrations as Jason has a birthday this weekend!

Now before you get too excited about today....I have a dentist appointment first thing in the morning...about 30 miles northwest of where we live.   That’s not too bad....except that late last night I realized that I left my purse at work.  Which I need!  So I had to get up at the normal time today and I have to go into work...about 30 miles southeast of where I live.  Yes the opposite direction of the dentist appointment.  So I will be in rush hour traffic to get to work...go in, grab any purse and then head back out into the traffic to drive back to our place and then 30 miles further!   Grrrrrr!   I was so mad!  So my driving begins at 6:30 and I’ll be hopefully at the dentist office by 9, when my appointment is!   

After the appointment I’m going to spend time with my mom.  So a nice day!   And then this afternoon when Jason gets off work the birthday fun begins!!  Who knows exactly what we will get into!

I am still doing the yoga.   I honestly thing that it is making a difference in my life in a few ways.  First, I think that I am displaying better posture...I noticed it at my desk at work yesterday!  The second thing?   I am so much more awake and alert at night.  I wake up earlier to add this into my day.  Before I started I was barely able to stay awake past 8:15pm...now I am still rolling strong at 8:45!   What is up with that???   My body I’m hoping is becoming stronger....I haven’t seen any discernible differences yet!  But I’m still going strong...5 days down!

So on to the weekend!   I am skeptical about my weigh in...my weight has been up most of the week and just started to go down yesterday...so I’m not thinking that there will be any great loss! (And possibly a gain)   But that’s ok too.  I’m in this for the long haul and that means that some weeks will be less than stellar even if everything went perfectly!

So there you go...a preview of the weekend and an update on the yoga experiment!!!

The ups and downs of changing my life

Whew!    I have lots to report on my fitness levels this week! It seems as if each week is a revelation of how bad this really is along with some random moments (few and far between) of seeing progression.   But this journey of weight loss and toward fitness is not a race (however much I would like it to be) and I will increase my fitness levels and lose weight even it is seems as if it is at a snails pace!!

Weight Loss

So typical of the way my body has been working of late, my weight popped up at the beginning of the week....grrrr!   I’m trying to not think about it...I’m within that three pound ‘fluctuation’ that I’m ok with (barely...but that is normal also).  I know this happens. I also know that I had a really big week of loss last week so this week might not be spectacular!  It’s just frustrating!  But I’m eating right so I am trying to not stress about it!!

Mountain Biking

We only went out once this past week.   We typically park at the lower lot when we go to this area, which means that we have to ride about a mile or two on a fire road until we get to a trail head.   Sounds like a perfect warm up right?   Well, right out of the gate there is an incline!   It has kicked both of us every time we go!  But...this past weekend I was just rolling up the hill and I was thinking, “Dare I say out loud that this is kind of easy?”   I did start breathing a bit more heavily for the last bit of the hill...but it was not too bad...nowhere near the typical freight train breathing that I have displayed every other time.  I was quiet about my revelation until Jason remarked that he handled the hill much better than before, he didn’t even get out of breath!   Progress for both of us!  

Running

I ran a few times last week.  I also ran on Tuesday evening after work!   Just getting out to run is a huge victory.   I did it...it was hard...but I put the time in!!!  It was real hard...but I know why....which is because of my next two sections!!!

Yoga

I decided to start doing yoga.   Or maybe I should say I am attempting to do yoga at this point!  Finding the time to do it requires that I wake up at 4:45.   But, so far this week I’m on a roll!!!

It is HARD!   The first day I was feeling good for about 10 minutes and then BAM...it was hard!   The second day was titled gentle and soothing....there was nothing gentle and soothing!   If that was gentle then I am scared!  

I can’t do some of the moves. Some of the moves make my legs quiver.  I sweat like crazy.  But I’m doing it...it can only get better right???  I know that my excess weight makes it so much harder!   But I’m really going to give this a full 30 day try.  While part of me dreads it...another part kind of relishes the muscle aches that I’m feeling and an even bigger part of me is super excited to see how I feel, look and move after 30 days!!!  

Squats

So I used to sit beside a team and a bunch of the gals on that team got up and did squats every hour.  Eventually their team disbanded (as did mine) and we all ended up on a new team together.  We started to do the squats back in February, but with the launch and the craziness that ensued, we stopped.  So yesterday I was minding my own business and I heard a ‘hey Maryfran’.  I turned and a cowoker said ‘we are starting squats again...wanna do them with us?’  (The guys do push ups)

Uh yeah!  I know that squats are good for me!  I also know that squats will REALLY help me on the bike as I learn to get my behind off the seat on my descents!   So starting at 9:30 I did 25 squats every hour.   7 times...(even though we start work at 8 it doesn’t start until 9:30).   So that was about 175 squats yesterday.  I say about because there were a few times I didn’t count and I KNOW I did more than my 25!  Plus...activity at my desk job is a good thing!  Which is ironic that it started yesterday because I had a video to upload last night...a video about staying active at a desk job!!!  (Feel free to watch it if you feel inclined...no biggie if you don’t though!!!  I’m happy to have you reading!)

So there you have it.  It is ugly the shape that I have allows my self to fall into!   But I AM making strides toward a better life!   I am taking the steps needed in this weight loss journey to lose weight and regain my fitness levels!   Seriously...I’m going to be kick add if I keep this stuff up!!!!

Not So Secret Weight Loss Goal: The results

OOOPS...here we are at the beginning of the month....the 5th to be exact and I havent talked about my July goals OR talked about my August goals!    AND I need to share my official weekly weigh in! I'm soooo excited to do that!  

I am sharing here and through my weekly blog on YouTube.  So read...watch or do both...whatever your heart desires!  

If you remember, last month I set my monthly goals.  I was vocal about them and was transparent.  But that was a lie.  I had a bit of a secret goal.  Ok, a BIG goal....for me!  I was secretly determined to lose 5 pounds for the month of July.  I was really skeptical about my goal. First because I know how fickle the scales are.  I can do everything right and still not lose weight.....we have all been there. But,  mainly because in June I had not even managed to lose 2 complete pounds.  So 5 pounds seemed like a huge stretch!  Well.....I can't wait any longer...I HAVE to share!  I have been dying to share this for a few days now! (If you are inquisitive, you may have already found out because I updated my weight loss progress page a few days ago!)

            I LOST 8.8 POUNDS!!!!!
I couldn't be happier!  I was sweating about it right around the middle of the month.  The first two weeks of the month I lost a 4.8 pounds and then my weight stalled and I had a week of NO LOSS!  I struggled with despair, sure that my body would NOT cooperate to give me the measly 0.2 pounds that I needed to reach my monthly goal.  But my body came through with a spectacular last weigh in for the month!  (Can you feel the excitement oozing through my words????)

So let's take a look at July and see how I did with my goals!!!!

1.  Track every bite of food!  SUCCESS! EVERY bite was tracked!
2.  Put money into my savings.   No Problem!  Victory!!!
3.  Weigh less than I do now!  I don't care if it's a measly ounce...I want to weigh less!    TOTAL VICTORY!!!!!
4.  Do something active (a walk suffices) at least 3 times a week and aim for at least two bike rides a week.  I didn't 'manage two bike rides a week....an injury and sickness happened.  I also didn't walk at least three times a week.  BOOOOO

5. Keep my eating in check for at least 6 days a week.   No problem!   I kept it in check EVERY day of the week!

7.   Walk at least  of 5 k steps a day at least four of my work days.   Weekends...I need the steps OR a bike ride!  FAILURE ALERT!!!!!  I didn't walk on my lunch breaks.....I struggled with my steps!!!

8.  Transparency with my weight...even if it goes up!!!   No problem there either!  Success!
           Secret Goal:  Lose 5 pounds.......VICTORY!!!!!

So out of the 8 (9 if you count the secret goal) goals, I had success on everything but 2 things. I call July successful!

For August, my goals are similar.  They are still very loose and 'easy to achieve' (except for that pesky step goal!!!!!!!!  (Stupid Desk job and long commute to and from work!)   I have changed it back to an average to at least give me a 'chance' to reach it and have success (and let me tell you, on Saturday morning I pulled up my stats for Friday from my Garmin watch and I just groaned  I missed the 5K steps by a whopping 24 steps!!!!   But it's an average, so I have not lost the success yet....I just have to make up those 24 steps another day!  (And THAT my friends is why my goals are still hard enough that I have to work for them, but loose enough for me to achieve.....because if I had left it as 5k steps a DAY, no averaging allowed, then I would have just given up by August 3rd because I had already messed up...by 24 measly steps!)   

1.  Track every bite of food!
2.  Put money into my savings. 
3.  Weigh less than I do now!  I don't care if it's a measly ounce...I want to weigh less!
4.  Do something active (a walk suffices) at least 3 times a week and aim for at least three sessions of formal activity (bike ride, run, hike) a week!  

5. Keep my eating in check for at least 6 days a week.   

7.   Walk and average of 5000 steps  per day. (total monthly steps divided by the days in the month....bike ride days on the trail are exempt from the 5K step goal...cuz it's hard to get  steps when you are riding)

8.  Transparency with my weight...even if it goes up!!
         My Not so Secret Goal:   Lose 5 pounds!

So yes, I have set  my goals for the month of August.  Even with the amazing victory of losing  8.8 pounds in July, I don't feel comfortable with setting my weight loss pounds goal as a definite one.  I really do like to keep my goals things that are within my control.   BUT, you can see I still have a five pound goal listed.....and even more secretly, I hope for another 8.8!  I know that I can smash these weight loss and healthy living goals for the month of August!!!!!  It's time to do it!  I have belief in myself and I am accepting NO EXCUSES!

Choices in a weight loss journey

I want to be healthy. I want to be fit.   I want to do a lot of things in regards to my weight loss journey and more specifically my attempts to transform my life into a healthy lifestyle . But I struggle, I struggle badly.   The struggle is actually in the time management area.   How do I find the time to exercise?  How do I find the time to do anything?

I know I’ve talked about this a lot, but I’m just going to touch on what my daily life looks like so we can see what I’m up against. I wake up at 5:30AM or rather the alarm goes off at 5:30. By 6:30 I am heading out the door for work. I only live 20 miles away from my job but it takes an hour or more to get to work. Because my employer is quite strict about my start time, I leave an hour and a half before I have to be at work. Even then, some days I barely make it on time. Work and my unpaid lunch break suck up 8.5 hours and then I have the hour (if I’m lucky) drive home. I arrive home between 5:30  and 6PM I cook dinner every night (except Friday… that is delivery night and eat on paper plates night). So; by the time I make dinner, eat dinner and clean up I have already used at least an hour of hour and a half more of my already busy day… I will do the math for you… That means that it is now 7:30. I want to relax a little bit each evening ...that’s natural.  But remember, I wake up early, I’m wiped out and ready to fall asleep by 9 o’clock. (And if truth be known, I’m usually asleep on the couch before then!).  Even more importantly, my history with relationships has taught me how much I need to value and treasure and protect the relationship that I have now. That hour or so relaxing with Jason in the evening is my most treasured hour of the day! I don’t want to give it up! So how can I add something else  into my life during the work week?

So here I am, struggling to find time for exercise… And I just committed to creating videos. (OK the commitment is in my mind… It’s not some hard fast rule.) Jason and I talked about this YouTube channel and the creation of videos (which we want so that we can see the transformation and progression) and we made a promise that our relationship comes first… obviously. But how am I going to do this? How am I also going to do that AND  add in exercise during my weekdays?

Well, the first place I looked was the time that I mindlessly play games on my cell phone. This usually happens when I wake up super early before the alarm goes off (this seems to happen a lot) it also happens when Jason is watching something on TV that doesn’t interest me. And honestly, I have never been a huge fan of television. So that was my first question,  can I work on the creation of a video during those times? Well yes, I can. Furthermore, I find that I feel so much more alive when I am doing that versus the video games. It rejuvenates me and sparks that creative juice that is vital to my soul and personality.  (Seriously, my mind has been whirling with ideas and thoughts since I started!)

So the problem of when to work on the videos was solved easily stop wasting time on mindless pursuits on my cell phone. Instead of lying in bed at 4 AM playing  games and wasting time until the alarm goes off, I get up and I go mess around on my computer. (Most days ...some days you just need that quiet time!). Instead of mindlessly playing on my phone while Jason watches something that doesn’t interest me, I get on my computer and I am much happier than I ever would be watching TV… And, I’m still beside him and touching distance. (He has also expressed an interest in helping with the editing....after I figure it all out!)  One problem solved….honestly, with time to spare too!

Writing and this blog will always be a first to love. It’s definitely not going anywhere. I will still be writing my typical three posts a week. But that is also a thing of time management.  I will continue what I’ve been doing for a while now.  This post, was dictated while I drive into work. There is an hour or more one way, it just requires me to turn down the radio and talk. Sure, I’m going to need to go back and do some heavy editing but,  I edit my stuff anyway (although some days you may wonder if I did any editing). Luckily, most days are only an average of one hour for my commute which leaves an extra half hour once I get to work. Doesn’t that seem like the perfect time to edit and comment on your blogs?  I have also used that time in the parking garage while I sit in my car to record some quick video clips for intros!  Time well spent.

(And just for reference...I only had the final paragraph to write by the time I pulled into the parking garage...this whole post was written/dictated while driving...and luckily traffic was light so I had30 minutes to finish and edit it! Free time that would have been spent otherwise wasted!)

So now we come to the biggie, exercise. How in the world do I find time for that?
The weekends are easy. During the week I walk on my lunch break...not so much for the exercise, but to get out of the building and to stretch my legs since I work a desk job. So I do have that going for me…but I’m talking about some kind of formal exercise.

My mind has grappled with week day exercise for quite some time. About a year ago a coworker made the comment that if you want it bad enough you will find the time. You will do it even if it means waking up early, watching one less TV show, playing one less video game or whatever you have to cut or adjust in order to make it happen.   Her words stuck with me, I have been wanting to go running during my work week but I don’t want to run in the dark super early in the morning, for safety reasons. (Protective boyfriend alert) So that leaves after work running. If you’ve read my blog you know I struggle with working out after work because of the shortage of time and because it takes away from the time that I am with Jason. (Yeah, I’m a sappy one…but hey, I love him!)  But on Wednesday of this week, I was driving home thinking about running. All of a sudden I realized something.  I might take 20 to 30 minutes once or twice a week from my time with Jason, but it is an investment in my future with Jason. You see, if I’m healthy and fit, the odds are that I will live a more active, healthy and longer life.  I am thus adding value and time to my future with him! (Deep, I know!). It just made me realize how incredibly important this weight loss journey is. Right now, I am planning on Tuesday and Thursday evenings for a run. By planning the day, I can also try to plan meals that are easy to prepare or possibly even pre-make to just pop in the oven. Wednesday night I put together a casserole that I could throw in the oven with only minimal prep work on Thursday, eliminating some time in the kitchen. And guess what?  I did it.  I ran Thursday night.

Yes, I talked to Jason about my revelation and he is in agreement that investing that time in my health is important. (Yeah, it still blows my mind that I found a man that not only puts up with my craziness and goofy antics but also wants a long future with me. How did I get so lucky?)

So that brings me to one last item that I hope to work into my schedule. I have been reading a blog about someone that has decided to do a 30 day challenge with yoga. (Click here for a here link to her blog) OK, in fairness she’s almost done with her 30 day challenge. But I was interested from day one. It was the time management that messed me up and kept me from trying it. But she continued to post about the benefits that she was feeling, the changes in her body and all the good stuff. I also know that yoga is really good for core strength and general strength overall…which will help greatly with biking and running. So after talking it over with Jason, to get his opinion;  my plan is to start this morning...so my alarm was set for 4:45 (vibrating alarm on my watch so as to not wake him). I am actually going to do it instead of just talking talk about it!!!!  (Each day of the 30 day challenge is different in length so some days I may not have to wake it up quite so early) it is time to stop wasting time in my day. It is time to stop dreaming about doing something and just do it!  I would rather say I tried it and it didn’t work versus end up saying ‘if I had only....”


It really does boil down to figuring out what is most important to you.  Is reaching your weight loss goals important?  Or is it more important to play a few mindless games on your phone.   Does being thin outweigh a few extra moments of sleep?  Does the chance of a longer lifetime where we are both healthy outweigh a few stolen minutes of time with Jason?   The answer is yes.  The choice is ours.  What is important?  If I always sit and cry and whine about not having time but then find the time for other random pursuits, then I have no right to say that I don’t have time.   So, I am making my choice!  I’ve got this!

Trail of Tears: Mountain biking and running

This past weekend was set to be another busy one for us, as all weekends tend to be for us.  It was a weekend that would help me progress my skills on the mountain bike, lose weight and work on getting fit.  However, we set our goals and priorities for the weekend and we were determined to get not only what we HAD to do done, but also the stuff that we wanted to do!   We didn't exactly have success...but the control was out of our hands!!!

This past weekend was a grocery shopping weekend. (We only grocery shop every two weeks....it saves SOO much time and surprisingly a fair amount of money.)   We knew that this was a non-negotiable task so we headed out early on Saturday to get this out of the way (and to beat the crowds in the stores).

Our plan was to shop in the morning and hit the trail of tears in the afternoon.  Our plan worked perfectly and by about 2:30 PM we were on the trail. (We got there later than we wanted, we got sidetracked by playing with a new purchase that we had stopped to get in the morning!)  I was honestly dreading the trail from the get-go.  I really do hate this trail....and no, the word hate is NOT too strong, it's honestly not strong enough!  Jason was not feeling the greatest but was determined to push through his headache to ride the trail. So off we went!


 I had been periodically asking Jason about his headache and he had made the remark that it was doing better than he expected.  But, at the three mile mark he announced that he just couldn't do it, that his head was hurting so bad that he was making stupid errors while riding (which can quickly cause an accident). I was worried about him for sure, but plumb tickled to turn around and head back to the car!  You see, I had started out strong!  But by the three mile marker I had totally ran out of gas!  Absolutely and completely out of energy!   I was done!

The Trail of Tears won again!!!!!!

We arrived home and set about showering ready to commence with relaxing for the evening.  Jason remarked that he felt feverish, but just assumed it was from the hot bike ride, cool temp car ride home followed by a hot shower.  Everything was ok and we talked about and were looking forward to our plans to ride again on Sunday.

Sunday rolled around and Jason woke up feeling awful!  He was hopeful that he would feel better as the day progressed.  However, I flat out said, "No ride today."    I sat back on the couch with a smile, because I was off the hook.....I had a VALID reason to not ride my bike!  However, I knew that his being sick was not valid for ME...especially since I have been thinking more about running again.    It didn't take me long to get my butt off the couch and get moving.

I went for a run instead!  No, I didn't burn as many calories as a bike ride would have netted me.  But it felt good to get out there, get sweaty and do something good for my body!   I was worried as I set out, because the last time I ran was at the end of May and it was.....well....really difficult, as in I couldn't even go more than 3 minutes without having to stop to walk!   It was actually pretty decent.  I ran 3/4 of a mile before I stopped to walk for a bit!

The rest of the day was spent relaxing.......and watching over my poor sick man.

He called off of work sick on Monday.  I knew that I would be absolutely worthless if I went to work due to one aspect of his illness. (He briefly passed out on Sunday....a couple factors contributed to it...and he is fine now....but I am still watching him like a hawk!) I knew that I would be worried that he was laying on the floor unconscious while I was working, and that I would be a wreck if I left him alone!  So I stayed home with him.  I deemed him ok for a few minutes while I went out for a quick run that day too!  I ran even an even longer time before I stopped to walk on this second day of running!

I was super proud of myself for not just sitting on the couch in peace those two days!  I was tempted....but the feeling of pride is amazing!    I am also pleased to see that my almost two months of misery on the trials riding has made a difference in my body, at least in terms of running (and I’m sure other places too)!

So now I am back to work and counting down to the weekend again!   I am pushing forward and ready to get this lose this weight and be fit once and for all!!

Scales are Stupid: A common conception during a weight loss Journey

What a crazy week it has been.  I have been totally working this healthy lifestyle.....like straight up rockin' it!  I have felt good about my efforts...but as always there is a reckoning on the scales each week.  And this week the reckoning wasn't good!   A weight loss journey is NOT for the weak hearted because it will chew you up and spit you out sometimes!

I set a goal for myself for the month of July.   I was really worried about this goal because I have shied away from making goals in terms of how much weight I will lose in a set period of time.  But I did it anyway.   I set a goal to lose 5 pounds for the month of July..   It honestly isn't an ambitious goal by any means!  However, it was a stretch for me.....afterall, I was on track with my food and exercise in June and lost less than 2 pounds. 

Something happened though and I started out the month of July with a bang.  I didn't do anything differently, but the weight was falling off of my body.  By the time the middle of the month rolled around I had already lost 4.8 pounds!   I was so excited!   I was on target to lose a heck of a lot more weight ....much more than my goal of 5 pounds!

I was on top of it!    And then this past weekend I had my official weigh in and BOOM, a straight up maintain!  Uhhhhhhhhh why?  I did EVERYTHING exactly the same!  NOTHING changed!   SOOOO......Here we are with 2 days left in the month and I have 0.2 pounds to lose.  I am feeling quite hopeless.......I know that my weight pops up at the start of each work week!  (However,  wouldn't weigh in officially until Friday....so I guess I have a few more days to get that 'first of the month' weigh in)

Regardless of how frustrating this is.....I am clinging to the fact that my coworkers, people that had no clue that I had kicked my weight loss efforts into high gear have been constantly talking about my weight loss and how they can see it!  The first day that this happened, it happend about 4 times.  In my head I was thinking, "I'm wearing this outfit EVERYDAY for the rest of my life"  because surely it had to be the outfit right?  But no, the compliments started to come..from random unconnected people on different days.. So whatever I am doing IS working!

SOOO, this last week's review.  July 20-July 26

Highlights:

*We managed to get in some swimming  but only one bike ride (it was so stinkin' hot!) which I wrote about here.

* For the first time in ages my legs were not all bruised and scratched up (from this quest to become a mountain biker) and I celebrated by wearing a skirt to work.  Seriously, I haven't wanted to wear a skirt because people would probably start to wonder!

* The extremely hot weather broke and we had some nice days.  That coupled with the fact that I am back to my normal job at work (which means that I'm not scrambling on my lunch break to get work reassigned and/or completed while I am breaking from my temporary duty of training a group of new hires) was the perfect opportunity for me to get back to my routine of walking on my lunch breaks!  It felt great!
*  I have conquered the Reece's Cup!  They have no hold over me!  (more on this in a future post!)
*  I was  finally ready to announce my entrance into the world of chronicling my weight loss efforts through video  (and very shortly my efforts to become a mountain biker despite the obstacles in my way).
You can see this weeks episode right  below!   Click subscribe (and like) to get updates and because it will help me out (the more subscribes and likes I get the higher I move in the search engines!)  I am excited  about adding this extra level of support and accountability!

Other than the lackluster maintain on the scales, I had a fabulous week.  I made healthy strides forward.  My food was under control.  I was in charge.  I felt empowered!   This weight loss journey will have it's ups and downs.  There will be moments of frustration.  There will be periods of slow results.  I will not let that stop me!  I will keep pushing forward!

Changes: going with the flow as life throws new opportunities at me

Over the years I have altered and changed my approach to this blog/site.  I started writing and chronicling my weight loss journey for myself. It was just an online journal that I was keeping for myself.   I knew people could see it but I never expected it!  Wow how things have changed!

I have always journaled my life and have always been private about it.  But decided to try this online journal thing so many years ago  simply because I would have access to my journal at work, at home, on vacation...anywhere I had internet!  That sounded easier than dragging around a weight loss journal....another notebook.  (I still do write in a personal journal...old fashioned pen and paper...it is cathartic for me!).   It worked perfectly and I was happy as a lark.  I was writing for myself only and as a means to remember and learn as I embarked upon the task of losing over 100 pounds.

Sure I knew that people could stumble upon it and read it....but what were the odds.  And never my family...I was sure!    Well...imagine my surprise when low and behold people started commenting.   And by the time my family stumbles upon it...well I was fine with sharing!   Come one...come all!

I kept writing.  I still wrote for myself, but the comments helped.  It was a bit of accountability. But while I still wrote for myself (and still do) this site  has evolved over the years.  There was a major name change.  It went from ‘a new start’ to ‘belief in myself’. I have gone through periods where I barely post to periods where I post every day to now-a-day’s where I post regularly and on a schedule.  (Seriously, the schedule helps me stay super accountable for everything!) Lots of alterations in my handling of this site and in my health, fitness and healthy lifestyle beliefs have occured over the last 13.5 years since I started writing my thoughts here.

I am going through another change.  It’s a biggie!   I will still be posting on here and writing everything out....because that is my ‘safe place’...writing is my way to process my struggles and victories.  Probably the only thing that will change here is that I will be posting my weigh in results on Monday’s ....and talking about my weekends on Wednesday’s.  No big changes.  The big change is that I plan on starting to share a weekly vlog about my progress.  Yes, I am nervous about this...pictures are bad enough...but video?  Yikes!  The vlog will be my baby....I have been part of the weight loss journey community for so long that I needed to do this.  But I will have two babies.  The other baby?  We plan on doing short videos of this mountain biking experience....sharing the ups and downs (oh dear heavens let there be no more meltdowns on the trial of tears once the cameras are rolling....or even worse...don’t let me rip my pants so badly again...also on the trial of tears...because I know I will show it ......cuz seriously, I wrote about it ...but how embarrassing!!!).    We are doing it for a few reasons.  Mainly because we want a video that shows our progression as I learn to mountain bike in my upper 40’s....and as an overweight woman...in a male dominated sport.  Seeing the progression is huge ..because honestly I say I can see progression sometimes but it is so hard to recognize it...most days while riding  I feel as if I am still doing as poorly as I did the first time we went out. But we are also doing this because we want people to see....if you want something, follow your dreams...no excuses.  Will this be a long term thing?  Maybe...maybe not.  We may hate the time and effort it takes and we may end up with tons of clips stored in a folder for our own viewing pleasure and you may only see one or two crazy videos but who knows.  Let’s try!

So I will still be writing everything here....but stay tuned for some videos also.  (Weight loss vlog first, most likely....trail stories shortly thereafter).   Be patient as I learn and adjust and by all means, enjoy this ride of a lifetime with me! 

Exercise and Embarrassment

I have a long history of making plans to exercise but then talking myself out of it before the appointed time comes.   This commonly happens when I make plans to exercise after work..  All day long I am so committed to carrying out the plans but then somehow the plans get altered during my drive home.   Oh, I always have some really valid excuse.  Well, it seems valid to me.  I swear, I really saw that one drop of rain hit the windshield.  It really did look dark over yonder, it COULD have been a storm!   You name it, my mind has turned it into an excuse!   But it wasn't until recently that I realized that those really are just excuses.  The REAL reason is that I am embarrassed and it is easier to say "it's looking like rain"  versus saying, "I'm embarrassed".

What in the world am I embarrassed about?  Well, I am embarrassed about the pitiful physical shape that I find myself in. I don't want people to see me struggling to be active or to see my fat jiggle!   I don't want to face the fact that someone may THINK bad thoughts and ridicule me in their heads....or even worse do it  outloud to my face.   I don't want to be embarrassed!

You see, I am one that if I am working out and I see someone beside the trail I pick up the pace so that I look strong to try to negate the fact that I’m honestly just overweight and really working hard!   I don't care that mere seconds before I saw that person that I was ready to fall off my bike in a pile of tears.  I don't care that only moments earlier I was ready to stop running and crawl my way home.   If someone is  looking, I never want to be embarrassed of act weak.   I pick up that pace.  I don't give up.  I push through...all to avoid some ridicule that I fear I may face.

SOOO, in the past when I have been consistently running it has been in the mornings and in places that do not have lots of eyes watching.  I like to ride my bike on trails that are not inundated with people.  I like to be private....it's a protective measure.    But when I run after work where I currently live, I have to face the fact that the roads that I will be running on are chock full of people arriving home after a long day of work. (Lines of cars wait at the stop signs!) The sidewalks are filled with people walking their dogs.  There are kids playing in the front yards.  There are, God forbid...other people exercising!   Whew...that's a scary prospect! 

I have been gearing up to start running now that I'm starting to get a slight hande on the biking thing and now that I know that this fear is what is causing my myriad of excuses, I hope to be able to avoid the pitfall of making them in the first place.  There is no getting around it.....someone may see me!  (Gasp!)

Finding a trail to ride has been the same way.  Ohhhhh  there are a ton of cars parked at the trail head.  I bet the trail is going to be BUSY!  It doesn't matter that it's only 5 cars and tons of acres in the park containing miles upon miles of trails, I see cars and I immediately dread the aspect of people actually seeing me exercise....and struggle!

It is a very real fear.  I can't say that it is valid, but it is real.   I have pushed through this to an extent while we ride.  On the nice days of summer  there is NO WAY that I can go on a bike ride and expect to be on a trail where there are no other bikers.  (Well, except the day that we went out and it felt like it was 220 degrees....we were the only fools out that day!)  I have therefore just groaned when I see a parking area full of cars but unload my bike anyway and prepare to head off on the busier trail.

And you know what?   I haven't been struck dead when we see another person on the trail.  I honestly don't even inwardly cringe..I am too focused on getting my bike off the trail and out of the way of the faster bike riders.  (And yes, I know the proper trail etiquette that uphill riders have the right of way, but I still move off for everyone since I am SOOOOOO slow!)   I haven't seen looks of pity.  I haven't seen looks of horror.  I haven't seen anything like that.  I have heard comments of "Have a great ride"  and "Beautiful day isn't it?"   Occasionally I'll even hear words of encouragement  (usually from hikers that I am slowly working my way past on an uphill section.) 

I know that years ago I was talking to my brother about exercise and being embarrassed.  He made a comment that has NEVER left me.  He told me that almost any biker gains a few pounds during the winter months and they dread the first few rides of the new riding season....until they get themselves back into riding shape and shave off that winter weight.  He told me that every biker knows what those few extra pounds feel like when riding a bike.  He said that most bike riders look at someone that is out there overweight and still 'doing it' with extreme respect because they know how 5 extra pounds feel and can only imagine the extra 50 that I carry is 10 times worse than even they experience! (And he went on to say that many people that he has biked with started biking because of a weight problem!)  It matches up perfectly with a letter that was written and went around the internet a few years back.    I wrote about it in March of 2014.   You can read it here.  Seriously, it's a GOOD letter.  I found myself crying as I read that post just a few minutes ago...and according to the post I cried when I first read it!   It really is a must read!

I can't say that I am feeling great about being so ‘out there’ while I go riding (or running again when that happens) and that the embarrassment is gone.  I still struggle with wanting to allow people to see me working out and allowing them fobseeing my struggles.  I don't like to put myself out for ridicule, even if it has never happened and only something that I perceive COULD happen.  But I can see how allowing that fear is only hindering myself.  So it’s time to set aside the embarrassment and move onward to the free and open MaryFran.   Damn the consequences, I'm heading out into the wide world and exercising where and when I want!

Heat and Execise

What a weekend!!!  It was a weekend full of love and fun. (All of our weekends are loving and fun though!). It was also filled with activities and movement.    We did take  plenty of relaxation time to allow us to rest and rejuvenate ourselves for the work week ahead.   Did I mention the heat?  It was hot as....well it was hot!

We were both off of work on Friday and we were determined to enjoy every second of our day off together.   We had a few errands in the morning but they didn’t take long.  Before we knew it we were heading out for a little one night get-a-way.  We have gone to this hotel quite a few times.  It’s an old ‘motor court’ from the fifties.  It still has some of the vintage 50’s charm (and features) which I love.  True, some of it is older but the owner keeps it neat and clean..which is what I care about.  The original plan for the weekend was to hit the trails and go on some long hikes.  However, the weather was hot as Hades!  We headed straight for the hotel and spent the afternoon in the hotel pool!

We were smart and had on sunscreen...and thereby had a fabulous time in the pool!  I moved the whole time in the pool.   I was either swimming or treading water!  

We were wiped out that evening!    On Saturday we had plans to swim more, but we got sidetracked with tv in the morning and had some other ideas on how to spend a super hot day!  One of the things we did was head over to the Van’s outlet...not quite on the way home, but not too far out of the way.  Jason needed shoes....his Vans were looking rather ragged.  We hoped to find a pair that he liked and if we were lucky at a good deal.  Little did we know what deals we were going to find!

Six pairs...at an average of $32 bucks a pair. More than half price!   And colors he likes and the size he needs!  

We got home and relaxed the rest of Saturday.   

Sunday morning....we really did plan on going super early!   I swear!  But we didn’t hit the trail on our bikes until 9:45!   It was already hot!  I could feel sweat dripping down my knees.  (Don’t ask me...but that is where I could feel the sweat...on my knees.). I managed the trail without stopping...even in the heat.   I also attempted the hill...my personal nemesis.  A hill that I can’t even make it 1/4 of the way up.  I try it each time though...persistence will get me there...right??

We stopped at the creek to go wading.  It helped cool us down!

We went home and showered and then headed out to pick up salads for dinner (to go with our pizza) and fresh fruit for the work week.   We relaxed a bit and then headed over to our communities pool.  It wasn’t too crazy busy so we enjoyed just shy of an hour lounging in the water.  Well, I didn’t lounge...I swam or treaded water the whole time...gotta stay active ya know!

I did splurge a bit with cookies while we were away.  But my calories have been in check.  (Even the cookies didn’t take me over...as long as I added in the activity earned calories.)

My weight leveled off and it looks like this last week will go down in history as a maintain.  I’m ok with that...I wish I had a loss but a maintain isn’t all that bad!   

So I can add another fabulous weekend to the history books.   We maintained our trend of being active and it felt good!  We managed to be active even in the face of 100° temps (heat index 115° plus).  We are not letting excuses (even rather valid ones) slow is down!   We are going to rock this healthy lifestyle thing!!!

FRIDAY!!!!!

It is Friday...and that means it's time for a little review of the last week!   It was a week filled with some frustration due to the numbers on the scales.   It was/is a happy time.  And it is a week where I again made healthy choices for myself.   So here we go......

We started this past week during the weekend which I wrote about here. It was a good weekend and full of activity.

But, par for the course...when the weekend was over I found myself sitting 2-3 pounds higher on the scales.  I really do think that it is the exercise that causes the temporary weight gain!  (the two weeks that I didn't ride hard over the weekend my weight consistently went down!)   But while it is frustrating to see, I didn't let that deter me.  I stayed the course with my eating this week!  Oh, don't be fooled into thinking that I didn't WANT to dive head first into a vat of tater tots!  Don't think that I wasn't tempted to bury my frustration in a pile of Reece's Cups!  I wanted to!  But I didn't!

 I knew that if I stayed the course that my weight would return to normal!

Well......the weight......it is only SLOWLY returning to my low weight.  Usually by Friday my weight has returned to the previous low (and a little bit lower).  But not this week.  As of this morning (Friday morning) I am still one pound higher than I was last Friday.  What's up with that? 

Frustrating!!!  Annoying!  Maddening!!!

I could talk about a myriad of reasons why my weight is remaining higher.  It could be the muscle issue thing that I wrote about a week or so ago.  It could be the fact that the monthly 'ick' was visiting this past week (although it's over so shouldn't that water weight retention be gone?).   It could be the fact that I have a few slight injuries and my body is just holding onto some water weight as they heal.   Or maybe...just maybe my body is going to lose weight this way during this go with weight loss.  Maybe I will fluctuate within a 3 pound range for a a few weeks and then have 2 weeks of consistent losses before fluctuating in that lower three pound range again for a few weeks.  I don't know.  The only thing I DO know is that I am not giving up.  If I stay the course the weight WILL come off!

As for work, I was in training again all week.  (Leading a training class for new hires.)    That is good.  Number one, training is a good fit for me. (Hello...I used to be a teacher ...)  But number two, it gets me up and on my feet during the day instead of sitting at my desk doing my desk job.  But the bad part.......the whole time during training I take my breaks and lunch and I end up sitting at my regular desk working. (I still have emails and work and day to day things at my normal job that I need to ask to have reassigned or take care of myself.)  And ok, lets be honest......it's been weeks since I was on the floor at my desk consistently (due to training) so if I am caught up on my work the breaks are spent catching up with my coworkers!  SOOOOOOO...that means that lunchtime walks have not been happening!  OOPS.   Training is over this week and I should be back to my normal work......and that means that walking needs to recommence!

Today is Friday, a workday for most.  But Jason and I both have off work.  We couldn't be happier!  When we first requested off we had grand plans for a long hike on one of the three weekend days and two long bike rides the other days.  BUT the temperature is supposed to be ungodly hot.  Uhhhhhhhhhh.......maybe a walk through a museum instead?   The jury is still out on what we get into this weekend......but hopefully we can fit in some sort of physical activity.  But regardless....we are off work and it is a three day weekend!  I'm happy!

Have a great weekend!!!!

Panic: keeping the scales moving downward

During the month of June I worked my tail end off on the bike trails.  I watched my food intake and kept it under control, often foregoing dessert and other treats. Yet the scales didn’t move!  Then July rolled around and the scales miraclusly started to move.  (You can read my take on why the scales were so stubborn here!).   But as the scales started to move in the right direction a feeling began to invade my emotions....panic!

Why in the world was I feeling panic?  I should have been feeling utter elation and excitement to see my weight begin to drop!  While I certainly felt the elation, pride and excitement to have my weight drop, the experience was tinged with panic....panic that I would do something to stop the downward progression.   What if I did something that made me stop losing weight and go back to the horrible ‘no loss while working hard for a loss’ stage of this healthy journey?  Could I handle it if that happened?

I found myself second guessing everything I ate. If I splurged with some peanut butter and chocolate on my banana I would be filled with dread.  Why?  Because the weight loss may come to a screeching halt!    When I had an issue with my foot and couldn’t go on my planned long ride (aka 1500 calorie burn mountain bike ride), I sat on the couch with my foot propped up worried about the effects on my weight loss efforts.   Panic!

Every time I have stepped away from the ‘perceived’ diet (grrr I hate that word so much!) I have panicked.  I am only at peace and not worried when I am eating a handful of grapes.  (Or some similar food.). I can see how eating disorders such as bulemia and anorexia can happen so easily!  Luckily for me, I don’t like that panicked feeling and I am refusing to give into the emotion.  I am sticking to my plan.

My food plan is not perfect.  I don’t expect it to be perfect and am not aiming for perfection.  I am striving for a balance between living a life with no major restrictions and living a healthy life.   I am aiming for balance. That means that I still allow myself an occasional cookie when we order from our favorite sub/sandwich shop!  That means that I will allow myself to have an ice cream bar on a long hot day!  (The balance comes in when I opt for a 150 calorie ice cream bar instead of the 1000 calorie milkshake!  And some weeks the milkshake happens also...but calculated, planned for and balanced by healthier options for other foods that same day!).  I refuse to lose weight by total restriction.    I still monitor my calorie intake by tracking each and every day.  I DO restrict my calories...but no food is off limits and I do splurge and eat what I want. I just counter balance those splurges with really healthy foods that fill me up but don’t pack on so many calories!  And I only splurge in moderation...not all the time!  So I expect slower weight loss...but no weight loss?  Not expected and frustrating!

Should I throw away the scales and just hope for the best?  No, that isn’t the answer either.  For me not weighing daily has a greater negative impact than  weighing daily! I like to be in the know.  I like to know how I am doing, even if it’s poorly.  If I know that the scale has popped up, I can evaluate what I am doing and make adjustments as needed.   When I don’t weigh I worry that my weight is fluctuating in the wrong direction and that I’m not making the necessary course corrections to get myself back on track!  

The looseness of my plan is what makes it a plan that I can live with and actually excel at!  But that same looseness and freedom drives the fear. (And I just realized maybe a bit of guilt wrapped up in the panic!  Guilt because modern ‘dieting’ preaching restriction...don’t eat this, don’t eat that...and my plan bucks that mantra!) I don’t know how to handle the fear.  I know that I will not feed the fear with actions of desperation.  I also know that I like the path that I am on with my food because I really see this a way of life that I can manage for the rest of my life simply because if has minimal restrictions but a whole lot of balance.  I am hoping that as I continue to drop the weight and move away from the ‘dead zone’ of no weight loss that I experienced in June that the panic will die down and go away.   In the meantime, I’m just hanging on and staying the course.