I get it

There is something that athletes 'get'.   I'm sure we can all remember the 1996 olympics where Kerry Strug her her ankle on her first vault.  It was do or die for the US team, she was our only chance.  She pushed through the pain and ran the second vault and blew it out of the water.....on a bum foot.  She got it.  She wanted something so badly that she pushed through insurmountable odds and who knows how much pain and did it.  I remember watching that and thinking, "holy moley, that girl is nuts to push through, seriously, she was hurt!"   I didn't understand then.

In December I reached the end of my rope. I didn't like where my life was sitting. There are aspects that I can't change but I decided that I could change my weight and my lifestyle. I vowed to do whatever it took.  I started exercising more and those workouts were at a much higher intensity.  I don't care that I wake up everyday and at least one part of my body aches.  I don't care that I'm out at 6AM running in VERY COLD (some days) weather.  It quickly became the norm and I am OK with it, simply because I want it bad enough. 

My niece loves gymnastics.  She commits to 12 hours minimum in the gym each week and she flips around and stretches and does stuff all the time.  In the last few months, I have noticed her wearing an ankle brace here and there.  Not all the time but on occasion.  A week ago today she was riding in my car with me and she talked about this sore ankle.  Her exact words were "My foot is really sore, I'm pushing really hard because State competition is next weekend.  After that I will rest it to make it better."  I looked at her and I actually understood her drive, isn't that what I'm doing with my exercise pushing hard and working through pain?

This past week her foot started to hurt worse.  It went from an occasional pain to a consistent pain.  She was given a choice but insisted upon competing (she has a doctors appointment set up to check it out) with her coaches approval.  She was 'juiced up' as my brother told me with ibuprofen and they crossed their fingers that the vault would be the last event that she competed in as that was the hardest on her ankle, second only to floor (floor due to the tumbling).  We got our wish.  Floor was second to last and vault was last.  We watched as she competed.

My brother and I were talking about her, the ankle issue and her drive.  Not many 10 year old little girls opt to spend 12 hours at the gym each week on a consistent basis, more if there is a meet.  Not many young girls would push through an injury.  My brother looked at me and said "Our family has never "got it", she does.    The typical response of our family is to quit when it starts to hurt.  (excuses...hmmm I guess I still am beating this dead horse eh?)  My niece however realizes that it is going to hurt but she gets up and keeps doing it.  She is driven and accepts the downside which is the occasional injury (yes, she has fallen off the beam...when she was 5 or 6 and broke her arm) and lots of muscle aches.  He looks at me and said "She gets it". 

And at that is when I realized.  I get it....40 years later, but I get it now!  I can not succeed easily unless I accept that it's going to hurt.  Running WILL hurt some days.  Those marathon runners that we've seen on the news so much recently get it.  Running hurts!    The bikers in the Tour de France get it.  Biking hurts too!  These athletes get it.  And FINALLY, I get it too.  I'm not gonna be sadistic and say I want or like the pain.....but BRING IT ON!

I get it?  Do you???

And since I have inundated this post with pictures of my niece from her competition yesterday, I feel as if I should add one of each of my nephews.  They look chipper in the pictures, but let me tell you...they HATE siting through gymnastics competition.  (They may have been chipper due to the promise of a visit to the Lego Store after the meet!)

My bone

As if I haven’t beaten the excuses dead horse conversation enough….lets rehash it again.

Growing up in school, I always had issues with my feet. I went to doctor after doctor. They immobilized my foot for a while. Don’t ask me why it was immobilized, it wasn’t broken, but I was in a cast for weeks upon weeks upon weeks. It seemed like a lifetime for an 8 year old girl. The casts came off and the pain was still there. They continued to poke and prod me. Eventually one of the doctors came up with a surgical plan. It would have called for total immobilization for months upon months. I had already tried this and that and to myself and my parents it just seemed as if this was another shot in the dark. It was opted to pass on the surgery. Right about that time we stopped going to the doctors. I had by that time learned how to deal with the chronic pain. The pain was pretty intense at times while I was growing up. My pain developed its own catch phrase within my family. I would just say “my bone” and everyone knew. The problem is that this foot pain is partly what set me up for the colossal failure that my weight has been in my life. I was a very active kid. I was always outside playing, just like any kid in the 70’s I’d wager. I didn’t really gym/PE at school. I loved when they pulled out the nets and we played floor hockey, but I just wasn’t athletic and it wasn’t my favorite subject in school. And then these mysterious feet problems reared their ugly head. When it hurt I had no desire to play outside. I didn’t have any desire to participate in gym classes. I had the perfect excuse, “my bone”. I even had doctors notes that made it A-OK for me to sit on the sidelines during gym class should ‘my bone’ be bothering me. It was a recipe for disaster. For a girl that didn’t get into the team sports that is so typical in gym class I used the ‘my bone’ card much more than I probably had to. Don’t get me wrong, there were some days where I really did ache. But there were many more that I skipped simply because I didn’t want to participate. I know that in high school for that required class, I milked it for all it was worth. It was very easy to find someone that had PE before me , simply to find out what we were doing. If I didn’t feel like doing it I used the ‘my bone’ card. I’m not saying that ‘my bone’ is what made me fat. But it certainly didn’t help matters.
As I stopped participating, I let my fears start to rule me. Seriously! I wasn’t athletically inclined but with a foot that I DID hobble on and with the lack of continual exercise I became the girl that got hit with a softball (true story) and the girl that got hit with the volleyball (true story) and quickly became the last one picked because I was a liability to any sporting team. It was a self-perpetuating manifestation of obesity inspiring factors.
Luckily as I’ve gotten older the pain slowly died away and I can go for weeks, months even without any pain. Or maybe, just maybe it’s just a way of life and I don’t even pay attention to it. I think it’s a combination of the two. Either way, it is an excuse. It’s an excuse that I worked for 30 years. I am was the queen of excuses

Today is my rest day. I used to cheer and applaud when I would declare it a rest day. Looking back, I had NO CLUE. I woke up feeling fresh as a daisy. I was chipper and my body felt fine. Now-a-days, I am working out much much more. I am working out with a much higher intensity. By the time my rest day rolls around, I feel like I’ve been through a war! My all or nothing personality/mentality makes me want to exercise, but I know that I need the break. My body screams at me to take the break. And even as much as I want to exercise, I can’t imagine what it would be like to not take the day or rest at this point. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. The good thing about the day of rest? I wake up the next morning and I’m ready to go. That one day is pure magic.

I’m holding my own with my eating. I’m trying to incorporate snacks into my day. I’ve been simply eating my three meals and calling it good. (yeah, I know….but it’s worked for me in the past and it’s still working). But I am really trying. SO I am incorporating snacks. Today it was really stressing me out. I got to work at 7:45…and I was sipping on my breakfast smoothie. I leave at 2. If I didn’t finish breakfast until 8:30, how in the world am I supposed to get a snack and lunch in before 2PM. And I certainly don’t want to eat lunch at 2 today. Ahhhh stress about a snack? Only me! I eventually decided that I would eat my morning snack at 10 (well I nibbled on my grapes for a while so it was longer) and I’m going to go to lunch at 12:30….can’t really push it too much later since I get off at 2. The one thing about the snacking thing…I’m not hungry…my lunches have been half eaten since I incorporated this new habit.

Time efficiency

No time to complete the tasks in your life? I have found the perfect solution.

Last night Todd and I were sitting in the living room and I asked him what time he had to be at the studio in the morning. He said he had clients that would be there by 9AM. My mind started to whirl about how to fit my run in and still cook breakfast. Graciously, he did tell me that I didn’t have to cook for him. However, I’m trying to not let my new lifestyle affect our lives negatively. That is MY choice. I quickly decided that if I woke up by 6 I could wake up and be out on my run by 6:30 and I would be home by 7:30. I could then make breakfast and he would be out the door by 8 or 8:15. PERFECT. (Am I insane? Really? I just decided to wake up early for exercise???? Holy crapballs!) We went to bed and my alarm was set.

I was actually awake by 5:30 and took the time to wake up my normal way (which is checking my email, facebook and playing a round or two of Candy Crush). I was up and out of bed though before too long. I hopped into my clothes (which I had the presence of mind to lay out the night before) and I was out the door. I opted to drive to the battlefield this morning and run over there. I started running and decided that I was NOT going to run at my comfortable pace. (I just recently got to the point that I realized that my pace had become comfortable) Comfortable is good when you are buying a bra but it’s not the way to improve when you are exercising. I wanted to see what I was capable of doing. I pushed myself. I ran, no intervals…I just ran, and faster than comfortable. It felt uncomfortable and it honestly reminded me of those first weeks when I started the C25K program. I remember feeling like I was so awkward when I ran. I remember feeling stilted and odd. I know that just like that feeling was replaced by comfort, so will this newly revived feeling. My first mile was excellent. I pushed! The last two miles and the loose change after mile three were much more difficult and I actually did some of it as intervals. But even the intervals showed how much I have improved. Just a few weeks ago my intervals consisted of me switching between walking and jogging. Today I alternated between jogging and running….or at least a faster jog.

Here is the amazing thing. I was so full of energy after my run that after Todd left, I started cleaning the house. In the morning! Before work! By the time I got to work I had blown through half of the chores that I normally complete and drag through each week. So many times people say that they can’t work out because of time. But what they don’t realize is that the exercise is so energizing that it actually carries over into other aspects of your life. It’s really the perfect solution…..exercise in order to have the time to complete everything in life!

Excuses and opportunities

I’ve been thinking a lot about one subject of late. Excuses…..so here we go with another post about excuses.

Last night I was at zumba. We were doing some move across the floor and my ankle flipped and I stumbled. The pain was immediate. I lifted my foot and started rotating it to stretch it out and see what was up. The pain was sharp for a few minutes then abated. Now let me tell you, this is not a rare occurrence. My ankles do this somewhat regularly. Todd is used to it….happens when we go out walking and hiking…happens in zumba…it just happens. Last night I sucked in my breath with pain and waited for a few minutes for the pain to subside. It did finally drop to a dull roar and I recommenced with the exercise. It still pricked painfully for a song or two…but overall it was ok. As I moved on the foot that was a little achy I started to think about it. For years upon years I used this phenomenon as an excuse as to why I couldn’t exercise. Last night I wasn’t going to be swayed. If the pain was intense I would have stopped. If the pain wouldn’t have eased up I would have stopped. I’m not in this to injure myself. However, I can’t abide by the excuses anymore!

I have eradicated excuses from my vocabulary in the last few months. I’ve pushed through sickness. I’ve pushed through bad weather. I’ve pushed through all sorts of obstacles. There is nothing going to stop me right now.

Consequentially, I’m kind of getting really sick of hearing everyone else’s excuses. Suck it up buttercup. Seriously, the excuses as to why you can’t do something is getting OLD! I don’t care if your leg fell off….get up and run! (Oh hell, I sound like Jillian Michaels now) I’m not saying that there are never any valid excuses. Quite the contrary, I think there does come along a valid excuse on occasion. I think that the true valid excuses are rare and far between. We give up and use anything we can come up with as an excuse.

We don’t run because we are uncomfortable. We don’t go to an exercise class because we have the sniffles. We skip going to the gym because we are tired and don’t want to get out of bed. I’m sorry….exercise IS uncomfortable. EVERYONE gets sniffles….if you still go to work you are ok to workout. As for being tired….the gym and a good round of exercise is energizing….I’ve had a good workout eradicate a headache too! Excuses no longer hold a power over me.

So last night my friend Paula and I met up with a personal trainer. He’s just starting out. He had been looking for some people that would be willing to be trained by him…for free. In return we will give him feedback about his techniques. We will also submit to before and after pictures that he can use as he builds his business. (success stories…lol). I was somewhat skeptical when I agreed to it. I have my routines and I don’t want to mess it up. I made my commitment to run and that is important to me. I also really enjoy my zumba social hours and don’t want to totally throw them under the sacrificial bus. I also know that I’m a bit of a picky eater. Come on now, I eat very limited meats (only chicken or turkey maybe 2-3 times a week). I’m not a fan of milk….or yogurt. Mushrooms are nasty and eggs are ok, if they are in a cake, but plain…..blech! So it had to be someone that understood that and was willing to work within that. It also had to be someone that understood that food IS and always will be a part of my life. Telling me to give up pizza is not a valid way to change my lifestyle. Allowing me to learn how to manage it is the route that I want to go. Deprivation is not the way to go.

So we met. He is quite nice to look at…so I was impressed at the first moment. Ha ha When he found out about zumba and my running he made it very clear that he wanted those things to continue. In fact he is training to run a 10k and since Paula also is starting to run, he talked about the three of us doing a 5k together. So that was one hurdle crossed. He didn’t seem too phased by my eating preferences. Just kind of chuckled when I would say ‘eww’ at some suggestion. Each time he immediately rattled off some alternatives and seemed comfortable with my eating preferences. Ok, so there is another hurdle crossed. . Ha ha ha As for understanding that there WILL be food that while I could give up, I just don’t want to. He started to laugh. His words were “this is life, you have to live and have fun” and then he went on to talk about his addiction…..Oreo cookies…and proceeded to validate his words by showing us his kitchen cabinet with a few packages of Oreos in waiting. I laughed and said Pizza is one of my non-negotiables. He immediately asked if I’d had a certain restaurants pizza and seriously looked at me and said “you have to try it!” So he understands that this is life and not a quest for eating the most perfect and healthy foods 100% of the time. I felt quite comfortable with it. And of course did I mention that he’s quite easy on the eyes????? He is realistic in his plans for how long it will take us to lose the weight and seems like he is it in for the long haul with us (remember before and after pics to help build his portfolio).


So unless for some reason he rescinds his offer or fizzles out on his plans, I’m in. I talked to Todd about it when I got home. I told him the highlights of the evening. I then asked him what he thought. Right now I’m already committed to a few nights a week of zumba and of course I disappear a couple times a week to go running. Committing to working out with a trainer and working with a trainer on other weight loss aspects will take even more time, especially going up to mert him to workout...30 minutes each way fir me to get to town and my gym. My husband looked at me and said, You are going to have a personal trainer for a few months where you work out with him a few times a week and he is going to also help advise on diet and exercise and be there for you via text/email/fb the rest of the week….and you are asking me if it’s ok. He reminded me what this ‘deal’ would cost me were I paying for this. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity (well I could pay…but being free is a once in a lifetime). He said that he would help me work around the scheduling stuff. So I’m on board. We shall see how this goes.

Running

I am going to start with a statement saying that I am utterly sickened and saddened by the tragedy at the Boston Marathon.   It is horrible for anyone involved...especially for those who were injured.  I don't want to downplay the suffering of those people. I pray for everyone involved for healing, emotionally and mentally.   However, my heart goes out to the people who have long held the Boston Marathon as the holy grail of running.  The people that have trained, qualified and taken the time off work and money out of their savings to run in it this year.    They pushed for their dream and unless they crossed the finish line before the 4 hour mark, they had their dreams dashed.  Yes, I (and they) can be positive and say "they still have their lives and they still have their legs'  and that is so very true.  But I know how it feels to have a dream crushed and my heart goes out to them.

Running.  So I've been running.  Today I upped my mileage.  I'm up to an official 5K in length. This morning I ran at my comfortable slow pace.  I knew I was adding mileage and I figured finishing it was the main goal....not increasing speed. 

The scary thing about running?   On the days that I don't run I think about it and long for it.  Last night I was getting ready to go to zumba and part of me wanted to ditch zumba and go for a run instead.  I didn't.....zumba is good.  It's a good social outlet and it's good for different parts of my body.  But I'm starting to long to run.  Hmmmmm am I starting to actually like to run?  

Weekend report and weigh in results

My weekend was chock full of activity and craziness.  My weekend really didn't start working until noon on Saturday when I got off of work.  I rushed home and made a nutritious lunch for Todd and I and then we headed out with our bikes on top of the car safely ensconced in my car bike rack.  We decided to head about 30 minutes west of us to do our ride on the C&O canal.  We headed out.  I had a delightful ride.  It is after all only one of my first rides of the season, so my butt was SOOOO sore, as soon as I sat on the saddle it hurt.  I pushed through it though (and encouraged Todd to push through his issues).  Overall though, I was happy as a lark.  I may or may not have been an obnoxious riding partner at times with my singing.  I was just so happy to be out there that songs burst forth....although I did try to curb it back to humming when I realized what I was doing.  It was a great ride!  We spent the rest of the afternoon visiting with family, getting groceries and having and early dinner.

A view on my run

We got home and rushed around the house. I had already expressed my plans to Todd while we had dinner and he was on board so we rushed the groceries into the house and quickly put away the cold stuff (it was a small trip so it didn't take long) and then we headed out.   He ended up at the studio where he did  bit of work for the 45 minutes that I would be running on the battlefield. (His studio is technically part of the battlefield, but right next to government land.)   I started out my run.  I could tell that I was just totally void of energy.  The bike ride had sapped the jump and pep in my legs.  I was determined however to keep going.  For the first mile or so my only thought was just to FINISH.  This was the last 2.5 miler that I would be running, the next week I would swing into 3 mile runs....building myself up.  I got to about 1.75 miles in and I glanced at my gps/counter/clocky thingy app on my phone and I got this hair brained idea in my head that I could finish it in 30 minutes. (That would be a three quarters of a mile in 4 minutes.....which is actually insane for me as my average pace has been about a 14.5 minute mile).  I started full out running...the likes of something this old body hasn't seen since I was probably 10 years old (I was being generous, I actually wanted to type 5...but I wasn't overweight until about 10 or 12 so I figured go higher).    I was flying (for me).  I could feel my body jiggling and shaking from movement.  I mean face it....I have fat on my body and it was doing the santa thing, a bowl full of jelly.  It felt really odd...not the comfortable feeling that I've fallen into with my normal pace (and yes, that pace has become 'normal and comfortable')  but surprisingly it wasn't bad.  I glanced down at my phone....oh my word I was running at a 10:30 pace.  Me????????  I kept it up for about a quarter of  mile.  I then dropped back to the comfortable pace.  I ran comfortably for another quarter of  mile and then I picked up the pace again for the last quarter of  mile.  I walked back to the studio after my 2.5 miles were complete and finally looked at my stats.....I literally shaved a minute off my best average pace.....on a day where my legs felt heavy and I feared I couldn't go on!

Sunday morning I woke up and weighed myself.   228.7    That is a weekly loss of 2.9!!!   For this year I can now say I've lost    25.5  pounds!   And if that isn't enough, from my highest weight I have lost 87.7 pounds!!!

I didn't have much time to gloat and celebrate yesterday.  I headed out. I literally just grabbed a cheese stick as I ran out the door.  I had a bit of traveling to do.  I headed 45 minutes north where I had the pleasure of working with a fun fun couple.  We were doing pictures for their wedding invitations.   We travelled around to some fun locations and actually had a lot of fun. LOTS of walking and squatting was done by me!



When I left there, I headed straight to my parents house where I hooked up with them to go to my youngest nephews soccer game.  I was able to eat a half peanut butter and jelly sandwich and some mandarin oranges before we headed out to the game. There is nothing cuter than 6 year old kids playing a game.....half clueless and just fun to watch.  And of course my nephew is such a cutie that I cant help but smile! And yes, the coach behind him in the picture helping is my brother.



After the soccer game my whole family (minus Todd, he was working) headed out for pizza with some friends.  I ate three slices of a margherita pizza.  It was tasty!  Not exactly a healthy day, but I realize what I did wrong (I should have packed my breakfast and lunch the night before....and pizza will never be totally eradicated from my life....I would be miserable so I will figure out how to work it in)  I bid adieu to everyone at the restaurant and headed home.  I knew that I had hundreds of pictures to go through...editing and converting them to jpegs.  I worked until about midnight doing the first edit and conversion.  I did eat a skinny cow strawberry shortcake ice cream sandwich while I worked. (and no, I was under my calorie count for the day)  Tasty! 

Busy weekend.  My house is a wreck.  I have baskets of clean laundry sitting on the kitchen table that needs to be folded. I have some food that needs to be prepped for this week. TONS of pictures still need edited.  So much undone! I of course return to work this morning.  I'm running behind...but I'm happy.

I'm not running this morning, and instead I'm going to try to get some stuff done here at the house so I'm not running behind all week.  I'm not worried about delaying my run though....I will still get exercise today, tonight is zumba sentao!

Excuses

Thursday was a busy day for me.....Ran/jogged in the morning, worked for an hour in the garden and then walked after work for an hour!  I rocked out the chocolate gear.  Wilbur's Chocolate factory hat and a Reeses' cup shirt for my run...and I wore my Hershey Kiss hat for my evening walk!

 

I love to write. I have recently started a project. This new project is to basically write 'lessons learned' about my weight loss. I've got a few pieces written. Some is very introspective, others are more general. Today I was out jogging and I had some thoughts come to me. I went to work and I wrote.......this is the first draft, simply my first thoughts of what came out of my mind today.


                                                               EXCUSES

I wasn’t paying attention to the TV that Sunday morning. I was working around the house while my husband watched the morning news. I don’t know what caught my attention but something did. Was it the word triathlon? I don’t know. I had long been interested in completing a triathlon as it seemed like the ‘ultimate’ sport…three things rolled into one. Was it the promise of getting my life in line health wise that caught my attention? I don’t know. Whatever it was, the news report caught my attention. I watched as they ran clips of the lucky chosen viewers from the previous year as they completed a transformation in their lives which culminated in them participating in a triathlon. I sat on the edge of my seat watching with interest. The report ended with the call for video applications. Yes, they were looking for a new group of people to work with to train for a triathlon that would take place in about 9 months. They would provide the tools and the training; I would simply need to provide the grit to complete the training and ultimately the triathlon. I sat there quietly. I didn’t say anything to anyone. The television continued to play, but my mind was stuck on the concept of becoming one of the tri-athletes for CNN. Over the next few days and weeks I spent a lot of time in thought about this possibility. I scoured the Internet for the I reports from the previous group of participants. My desire to apply and to actually do it increased each day. I finally broached the subject with a few people. I got the green light from everyone that I talked to. I made my video and submitted my name as a hopeful and then I waited. I wanted this. I wanted it so badly. I wanted to complete an item off of my bucket list but even more I wanted so badly to get my life in line. By the new year I knew that I didn’t make the cut. I was not chosen. I was disappointed. I felt hopeless. I didn’t feel as if I had any valid options to me on my own. I gave up. I felt like I had absolutely no chance to make the changes necessary…not with out the assistance that I would have gotten from CNN. I wasn’t despondent, life went on, but I threw my hands up in the air and consequentially gained more weight. A year went by. They called for a new round of applicants. I briefly contemplated applying once again. I didn’t do it though. I was still mired in my helpless pity party. Then one day I woke up, figuratively speaking. I knew that I wanted to be healthy and it didn’t matter what it would take.  I was ready to pay any price. I started moving more. And then I started to run. It was slow going. I had to research information on my own. I didn’t have a coach standing at my side advising me. I did it on my own.. I started thinking about getting a road bike. I started saving my extra pennies so that I could buy an entry level road bike, and in the meantime have decided to be happy with my current bike. (and just stay off the roads) I didn’t start doing these with the goal of running a triathlon. I ran because I wanted to be healthy.

Excuses. I have always been full of excuses. I wasted one year of my exercise life by making excuses about why I couldn’t get out and train myself to participate in at least aspects of a triathlon. There was always an excuse. If it was the fact that I didn’t have the coaching I found another excuse. My knees are riddled with arthritis so they are a prime excuse. Housewife duties? They make great excuses also. Too cold? Too hot??? Rainy??? Snowing???    My gym (any gym really...living in the country is a pain sometimes) is about 20 minutes from my house... that is a huge excuse as to why I can’t work out. Give me more time and I can fill pages with the various excuses that I have used. Excuses were my best friend.

 Are there valid excuses? I’m sure. Are there workarounds for almost any excuse? Yes. But it is truly amazing how the excuses fall away when you desire something from that deep place within your heart.

I’ve made this commitment to be healthy. I’ve made a commitment to really give running a valid fair shot as a part of my life. I want this healthy lifestyle more than I want anything else. (Maybe I should be honest and say that I want to be thin more than I want anything else.) Because that desire is so intense I am willing to push myself to great lengths to succeed.

 I push my body out of its comfort zone on a continual basis. When you are pushing your body out of it’s comfort zone it is the perfect environment for change….good change. The problem? Being pushed out of it’s comfort zone means that most days I wake up and my body is stiff and sore. It’s different muscles at different times. It’s part of my life right now. I accept it as a necessary step to the rebirth of myself. Aching muscles are no longer a valid excuse.

 Cold weather? I completed the c25K program and never, not once did the temperatures raise above 35 degrees. There were days that I ran with temps in the single digits and teens. There were days that I ran with snow falling around me and yes, I have run in the rain. Heat? Well, that’s rolling into my neck of the woods and I am out there sweating it up. The weather will NOT stop me. I may adjust my run schedule a bit to accommodate the weather as much as possible…but if I am scheduled to run three times in the week I WILL run those three times. (Even if it means going to the gym and running on the much hated treadmill.)  Weather is not a valid excuse.

 Arthritis? Yes, I was diagnosed with arthritis when I was about 28 years old. Arthritis in my knees. I take the steps that I need to in order to make sure that my knees don’t hurt. But not all precautions are foolproof. Yes, my knees hurt. I know why they hurt. I know that I’m not injured. I also know that the more weight I remove from my body, the less pain I will feel. (and consequentially the knees are what may ultimately make me decide that running is not my cup ‘o tea). Right now they are just an invalid excuse as to why I should stop. (Ironically, my knees are feeling good on my runs…..it was the Thirty day shred that ripped them up…….and I DID stop the thirty day shred for time and knee issues)

 Excuses are no longer welcome in my world. Will I run in a triathlon? I don’t know what the future holds. I will say this…..if I decide to do it there will be NOTHING that holds me back! (And possibly could there be a duathlon in my future??? Hmmmm food for thought.)

 I was running on the battlefield thinking about my failed attempt to be selected for the CNN triathlon training group. The usual disappointments flickered in my brain. But then I looked at my progress that I had made on my own. Maybe a year later, but I’m finally making progress! I am dang proud of myself. Furthermore, I instantly knew without a doubt that had I been picked a year and a half ago that I would have failed miserably. I didn’t have the drive and determination to succeed. I would have hated every minute of the pain. I would have tried to back out when my knees started to ache. I would have NEVER had the fortitude to run in bitter cold, with high winds and falling snow. I wasn’t ready and thus they made the best decision.

RIP

I got out on my bike for my first ride of the season.   It started a bit rough.  I was checking tire pressure and my tire blew.  I'd rather have it blow at home versus while out on a ride.   So I had the pleasure of changing the tube on my bike.   All good.  :-)     We laugh at our house.   As limited as I am with mechanical stuff, I am the repair person for our bikes.  I change out the flat tires and do the really basic stuff.  My only problem with the tire change?  When I finally got on the bike I realized that I had forgotten to hook the brakes back up.  Oops.  It's all good, I figured it out before I picked up too much speed. 

 It felt GREAT!  Normally I take that first ride and feel like hell on wheels.  It usually hurts I'm panting for breath and I'm well.. feeling horrible.  I am always anxious to get out to ride but dread those first few rides.  So today it was with some fear and trepidation that I set out.   It was GREAT!   I couldn't get over how good it felt.  The main difference is the advent of  running in my life .  In the last few years I've been doing zumba and took my first ride...but still felt the pain of the first ride.  This year the main difference is running.  It really made  difference!  WEEEE



I had to say goodbye to a good friend after my ride.  I have had my red helmet for a few years. Inside the helmet there is a plastic system for holding the helmet in place on your head.  Last year the plastic system started to crack on my helmet.  I limped along with it...yeah, bad I know.  Today I went out and all that was left was the shell of my helmet...uhhhh that is barely better than not wearing a helmet at all.  So I had to say goodbye to my red helmet.  RIP.



We left the canal (where we were riding) and I headed across the river into Shepherdstown and went into the bike shop.  I bought a new tube for my bike.  There is nothing worse than needing a tube for a bike and not having one!  I also bought a shiny new helmet!  I'm gonna look 'styling' in my nice white helmet.  Yes, like I always do, I have the bike shop guys fit it to my head to make sure that I have it set to be positioned correctly and tight enough.  No use wearing a helmet that is not fitted properly....won't help you when you need it!

I got my zumba in last night also.  It was stinkin' hot in that room!  But I pushed through.  I'm going to exercise this weight right off my body!

I leave you with a cat......because every good post should have a gorgeous cat! Meet Ethel.  She is my 13 year old sweetheart!

People Pleasing

I’m a people pleaser. I want to make people happy. I want to make people like me. I don’t want to disappoint people. So I do everything in my power to please others. I rarely say no when asked to do something…even if it’s not something I want to do. I’m a total people pleaser. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s not a bad thing at all. That is until I realize that it is affecting who I am…it’s affecting my life. This past weekend I was DYING to get out and do something fun. However, I’m a people pleaser. So when my husband wanted to work in the garden, I said ‘why yes’. So I spent both Saturday and Sunday in the garden. I didn’t get a bike ride in. I didn’t get a run in. I didn’t get my day of pictures in DC (cherry blossoms are blooming) in. I didn’t do anything that I wanted. Now don’t get me wrong, the work I did in the garden netted me a LOT of calories burned (it burns calories to shovel manure and compost and turn a garden…..for HOURS) and I was able to enjoy eating out at some higher calorie restaurants. I will also freely admit that I like the sense of accomplishment when I see a project that is shaping up or even completed…especially when I know that my sore body and my manual labor resulted in that project being completed. BUT, I gave up on everything that I wanted to do……to please my husband. And what did it get me????? It didn’t get me anything….I didn’t get to exercise my muscles in the way that I wanted to exercise them. I didn’t get to exercise my mind (photography) in the way that I wanted to exercise….and honestly, it depresses the hell out of me.

So how does a people pleaser reform themselves to say “I’m important…and my wants and needs are important too…..so we WILL do something that I want even if it means saying no?” And this is not just with my husband…this is with my family…my work….EVERYTHING. At work I just roll over and do things just because I like to please people…to make their life easier…even if it messes up mine.

I have been feeling utterly alone lately. I just feel totally alone in this weight loss journey. I feel alone on this weight loss journey but more specifically the exercise portion. I know that it’s not true. I have so many people supporting me. I have great friends that are behind me 100% some of whom are doing this journey at the same time. So I’m not utterly alone. I just feel so alone sometimes.

I know some of these feelings stem from my husband backing out of the biking things this year so that he can dedicate all his time to the garden (and to his iphone and computer if I want to be honest). I was looking forward to getting out there with my husband and riding together. I was looking forward to completing some of these things. In fairness, my husband still thinks we can do some of these things. In his words “We will just get on the bike and ride at these events, we don’t have to ride to prepare” I’ve tried to tell him that some people can…but that’s not how my body works. I was looking forward to having an exercise where I would not be alone. My husband knows I want a road bike and he’s gung ho to get it for me…but it will be another activity that MF does by herself.

Running has been a very solitary activity for me. Sherry and I do our weekly run/walks…and I looked forward to them. She and I are still walking together and I love those….but running has been a solitary activity. I will most likely be running Paws on the Pavement by my lonesome. That’s ok. I’m doing it (maybe it will be a face my fear type of thing….pushing myself out of my boundaries by doing it on my own). Maybe I’ll even con my husband into going with me so he can hold my keys for me! (He will have no excuse to not go as we will be on vacation.)

So I think the biggest part of the downfall of my husband putting a damper on the biking is that it has always been an activity that he and I do together. It’s been an activity that has brought us together and that I was looking forward to completing WITH someone.

Tuesday morning dawned early for me. I hadn’t run or do any formal exercise Saturday or Sunday. I did go to zumba on Monday night. Tuesday morning I NEEDED to run. Furthermore, I WANTED to run. (yeah, shocked the heck out of me too!). I laid in bed for a few minutes and my husband turned to me and said some words that made my heart stop. “I have to get to the studio, can you water the garden this morning” (We have some things in our garden…spring stuff). Uhhhh I knew that if I took the time to water the garden that I would have to forego my jog…well maybe not…it would be cutting the time really close…REALLY close). In my mind I was calculating time. Could I do it? Then I looked at my husband and said….. “NO” I explained my reasons. Furthermore I reminded him that he had a tour at 9…..but that would only last for an hour or two and then he didn’t have any clients until late afternoon/early evening, he could come back and water. He wasn’t happy with my answer. But he eventually changed his tune and ‘realized’ that he had the time before heading over to the studio to attend to the garden himself. I don’t want to be a big (thinning) old meanie, but that is a victory…I stood up for what I need and what I want.

Did it get through to my husband? Maybe…he has made plans to bike with me this afternoon. Maybe he realizes that I’m going to exercise regardless of his actions so he may as well join in.

Body Image

Timothy over at Timothology  has been pondering the concept of body image.  He has been relating the dissatisfaction with our bodies  to the images in our media...the perfect images that we see in magazines and ads.  At the same time It is interesting because my friend  Sherry and I have also been talking about body image. We have been talking mainly about how we see ourselves and in particular our bodies.   I know that I have a very warped sense of my body image.  I don't see myself the way that I am.  When I weighed 315 pounds I looked in the mirror and I saw a 'normal' sized person.  The crazy thing happened though when I lost the weight...I looked in the mirror and saw the fat MaryFran.  Nuts I tell you!  The scales can be telling me that I'm losing mad pounds and I don't see it at all.  It makes it difficult sometimes.  (I can see it in pictures...I remember once when I was 'thin' I saw a picture of  this girl at his studio, draped over his board...I was MAD that he was posing with her...SERIOUSLY MAD.....until he gently reminded me that I had lost weight and that the girl in the pictures was ME!)  Soo how does one right these warped body image issues???

SOooo the last month has been a struggle with the weight loss.....I really haven't lost much...I've been sitting pretty steady at my weight.  That's ok...I'm doing what I need to be doing and I know the weight WILL come off.  (That said, I want it off NOW...ha ha ha).  But yesterday evening I was looking for a picture on my cell phone and low and behold I realized that I had two pictures of myself...same position....same outfit....roughly 1.5 to 2 months part.  Hmmmmmm  The scales may not be showing results but I do believe I can see a bit of a difference. 

Mid February 2013

April 4, 2013

I will admit to sucking my gut in during both of those shots!  ha ha ha

This morning I got out and ran.  This is my first nice weather run outdoors!  I felt naked without my umpteen layers of clothes!   My plan for improving my running?   I've decided upon this.  Right now I am going to work on increasing my distance.  Last week I was running 2 miles.  This week (today) I'm upping it to 2.5 miles.   I will run the 2.5 miles this week.  Next week I will bump it up to 3 miles.  I will run 3 miles every run next week.  At that point I will be right at the mileage I need for a 5k (OK who's counting those extra tenths....chump change).  I will then look at my time from my runs for the 3 mile week.  If I'm running the 3 miles in 45 minutes...then the following week my goal will be to run the 3 miles in 42.5 minutes.  And the following week running the 3 miles in 40 minutes.  Each week pushing myself to go faster.  This is my plan....lets see how it works! 

Take responsibility

A few months back I wrote about taking responsibility for my weight loss. It wasn't weight watchers or any other system that made me lose weight.  It was me myself and I that lost the weight.  I am not knocking weight watchers or any other system.  They are great.  They provide the tools and support.  They are wonderful.  The problem comes into play when these weight loss systems become the end all be all to us.  I know that I did this in the past and while I was highly successful with the program that I chose (WW), I didn't learn valuable lessons.   I didn't learn that it was ME that did it.

This was brought up in my mind the other day.  I was writing a comment on a weight loss forum that I am part of.  Basically I was saying that by 6 that one night I wasn't sure that I was going to get my fruits and veggies in for the day.  It was a crap shot for me that day.  (It was Saturday....and Saturday was...well.....I'll get there later).   Someone posted back on there.....(and let me preface this by saying that this person was in no way being mean...and I am in no way trying to knock on them for their comment....it just sparked thought in my head)...they posted  "I'm on Weight Watchers, so I KNOW that I will get my 5 fruits and veggies a day".   Ok, that's fine....but there is that end all be all mentality that is so destructive in a long term kind of way.  Weight watchers is not the salvation.   Motivation is the salvation.  NO, you dont' know that you will get your fruits and veggies in.  Life throws curveballs.  Things happen.  Just being on the end all be all weight loss program does not mean automatic success.  Success comes from inside oneself!  The comment that would have made me happier to see....even with the weight watchers plug would have been.  "I'm super motivated while following weight watchers and I am motivated to get my recommended fruit and veggies in...because I CAN DO IT!"


Saturday.  I woke up. I woke up emotional.   I consciously made the decision while I laid in bed (I may or may not have been crying at that point) that I didn't give a flip about vegetables...if I got them in, so be it if I didn't.....big whop.  A few minutes later I also decided that I was going to screw the water consumption.  I was drinking diet soda all day.  So HA.   I was well on my way to having a 'blow it off day'.  No veggies (only the condiments on my sub) through breakfast and lunch.  Not a drop of water either.  Todd and I spent the afternoon outside working in the garden.  I was sucking down diet soda and a funny thing happened....my stomach was rebelling.  It was flipping and flopping and I felt MISERABLE.  I didn't think anything of it...but when my diet soda was gone, I wasn't thinking and the NEW habit that I've formed kicked in and I just filled my water mug and took that outside.  I started pounding the water and low and behold......I felt 100% better.  My body overruled my I dont' care attitude.   As for the veggies....uhhhh lets see refried beans at the mexican restaurant.......some lettuce and onions on my turkey sub........and can I count raspberry ice cream (soft serve) as a fruit??????  So I never recouped that decision.   However, Sunday I was back on track!  :-)

Failure

Failure.   I feel like I'm failing.  Within the last few weeks (maybe months) I have been so gung ho about my exercise routine.  I've been planning and plotting.  The list of things that I've committed to and planned for include:
* Complete the C25K running training (completed)
* Commit to running through at least August 9th to see how my body progresses....to really give running (jogging) a fair shot . (which includes a 5k run in mid May and a 5k run on August 9th)
*  Continue with Zumba 3 times a week (more if I can make it to the gym)
*  Walk with Sherry 2-3 times a week.
*  Ride in Pedal to Preserve in early June (the 20 mile ride) This requires me to ride in preparation.
*  Ride the full length of the canal in September (184 miles)  Obviously this requires me to build up my endurance for 3 consecutive days of riding an average of 60 miles
* Complete the 30 Day shred...thirty days straight during the month of April
* Get to the gym

I committed.  I've been totally determined to see success and finish these things and knock them off my bucket list and/or feel a huge sense of accomplishment in myself.    The problem is that I work full time.  I do 99.9% of the housework (dishes, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc) around the house.  Logistically it's possible.  Seriously..Yes, I can get up and three mornings a week I can ride my bike.  Three mornings a week I can run.   Three-four nights a week I can go to zumba and the other two nights I can walk with Sherry and I can round out the walking series with our normal Sunday morning walk.  And since I'm getting up early to bike ride and run....I may as well tack on the extra 20 minutes early in the morning for the 30 day shred.  I mean, why as heck not!    My life is pretty well.....crappy...so it could work.  It gives me a purpose.  Does it matter that I'm waking up at 6AM...and not getting home until after 8PM.....and then trying to rush around and do the housewifely things????

Seriously, is this healthy for me?  Will my body even hold up to this?    Is it feasible.  All day Friday Todd and I were out and about in Lancaster, PA and I pondered this.  It was forefront in my mind because my arthritic knees were really bothering me.  I was torn.  I don't want to quit.  I don't want to fail.  I've spent half of my adult life running from things and thereby failing.  I've spent so much time being a failure.  I don't want to be a failure anymore.   I thought about it all day and decided that I would just push through.  Who cares...push myself.  SO my knees hurt...I can do it.  No pain no gain right?

And then.......two things happened that threw me over the edge in the opposite direction (toward failure).

The first thing was a talk with my husband.  He made it clear today that he doesn't want to ride much this summer.  Even though this was the year that we agreed that we were going to bike the whole canal..... Even though he has been talking about how much he wants to ride in Pedal to Preserve.......
he has made it clear that it was the garden or the bike....and he wanted the garden.  I personally think we can do both....but well............I've been overruled so my plans will be shelved.

The second thing was the onset of the garden season.  Spring planting started today.   We normally have our spring plants in by now...but it's been super cold and the ground was super wet.  So we planted everything indoors and just today we spent hours outside working int he garden and getting everything planted into the garden. (OK, not everything...we still have a few things to put in)   Every year when garden and yard work season comes up I am totally blown away by how much time it takes.  (Yes, we have a HUGE HUGE garden....and then it will be canning and preserving the harvest).  Today we worked for about 5 hours outside.  My job today?  I turned the soil to loosen it for the tiller.  We had gotten a load of dried manure (it pays to be friends with farmers) so I shoveled the manure into the wheelbarrow and carted it to the upturned soil.  I then emptied out the compost bins and carted that to the upturned soil. Wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow.  Todd then came through it with the tiller while I worked on the next row.  Hours of shoveling.   When we got  row tilled, raked and set up (we had to put up fencing for what was going in) we planted the seedlings that we started indoors.  I didn't want to pull out the hose yet for this year.....so I filled  5 gallon bucket of water and carted that around...refilling numerous times....so that I could plant the seedlings. 

I didn't get to any kind of formal exercise today.  I failed on the 30 Day Shred.  Yet, I worked my body harder and longer than had I completed the 30 day shred. Most likely tomorrow I'll be out in the yard again....finishing the prepping and planting of the spring garden.....working on prepping and working in the yard.  WORKING HARD.

I'm failing......but realistically I have to say that I can't do it all.    I am going to have to say that I can't do it all....I'm going to fail.  And it bothers me.....it bothers me greatly.   The 30 day shred is going to have to go.   I'm going to attempt it when the winter rolls back around and when I'm stuck indoors.  When I'm not overwhelmed with all the yard and garden  that crops up when you have a huge garden. The bike riding....well, I still want to ride my bike and it is still my plan to get a road bike and ride.  However, like my running, that will be on my own and I will not be training to ride in Pedal to Preserve nor will I be pushing to ride the canal on three consecutive days this year.

I will however, be sticking with my commitment to run 3 times a week.  I've made it this far...if I stop now when I go to restart running I will have to start at the beginning....and I do not want to do that.  I am going to put this desire to rest one way or another.     This is my time to run.

Zumba is not going anywhere.  I need that for the exercise and for the social aspect of it.  It is my outlet...my stress relief. 

My walks with Sherry are not in question.  How many a week, well that has always been a thing of scheduling...but my walks are not in question.  Sherry and I need our girl talk time.

I will fill in my mornings/days where I am not working in the garden with either a workout DVD (I was doing a step aerobic DVD in March and was diggin' it) or a trip to the gym.   

I'm not quiting exercise...I"m quitting the insane schedule and commitment that I had laid out for myself.  I'm not failing........I am evaluating where I'm at and I'm succeeding in recognizing the need that it's not working for me and being willing to face that fear of failure and readjust my plans and goals.

******************************

On to different news.  Yesterday Todd and I were in Lancaster.  I kept samples at the food places to a minimum.  I drank water.  I did great.  We stopped at our favorite chocolate factory (Wilburs in Lititz, PA)  I did NOT buy any candy for myself.  Todd did...but not I.  I splurged and got myself a new hat.  I've been wearing hats when I workout.  (and turns out work in the garden also). My hair comes free with the activity and then drives me NUTS while it flops in my face...a hat keeps it under control and tucked away.  I felt very happy with my decision.  I didn't need the chocolate.  I got a long lasting hat/ 

Exercise

Had a huge malfunction today. My exercise top ride up while I ran. So I kept having to tug it down. Luckily it was cold and that was only my bottom layer, by it was awkward. But run I did! It was a straight jog...no intervals. Still slow as a slug but I'm doing it!

I came home and immediately completed my 30 day shred workout. I'm good to go for a whole. I plan on walking tonight with sherry so there is another hour of exercise! I just want this fat gone.

As badly as I want to snap my fingers and have the fat gone, I'm ok with the process. It's a process of learning and finding out what works for my body right now.

Had a scrumptious breakfast of stuffed apple French toast after my workouts. I'm showered and dressed and ready to face my day!!!!!

Warm comforting Arms of a friend

Getting myself out of bed earlier than normal in order to get my daily dose of Jillian 30 Day shred.   I've made my commitment to this now.  And I WILL complete it.  But let me tell you it was a struggle to do it.  But I did it.   The first round of sets is the killer for me right now.   My arms shake and burn on the first strength move and the cardio segment kills me for some reason.  It does get easier for me from then on out, so that is my consolation and what I kept telling myself this morning.  Anyway...two days down...28 to go.  So here is my question that I will be looking up today.  I've made the commitment to do this for 30 days straight. But shouldn't I be taking a rest day here and there?  However the 'program' is designed otherwise.   Hmmmm  Research time when I get to work (if it's not blocked!)

Last night I left work and my emotions just came crashing down upon me.  I cried the whole way home (ok, don't be too worried, I only live 2.5 miles from work). I skipped my run, I just felt wiped out achy and just not good.  So I walked into my house.   I dumped my bags and before I did anything I opened up the bag of baked barbecue chips (my husband's ..chips are not my downfall so it's not a problem that they are there).  I had a few chips...but since they are not my Achilles heel, I stopped.  However, I looked over at the two pieces of cake that I had cut and individully wrapped.  They haven't been tempting to me at all previously. And I had actually planned to have a small piece of cake that night...and I have saved the calories and eaten properly to account for it.  HOWEVER, emotions were coursing through me.  I ripped open the piece of cake.  It tasted so good.  It was like the arms of a friend were wrapped around me as I ate the cake.  You know where this is going I'm sure.  Yes, I ate the second piece of cake too.   (luckily I had cut very small pieces otherwise the damage would have been much worse).   Those warm arms of a friend that wrapped around me while I ate the cake????   I finished the cake and threw away the tin foil that it was wrapped in and then those warms arms deserted me.  The emotions were still there and the inhalation of the cake only made them worse.  I laid my head on the table and sobbed.    I knew deep inside that food wouldn't take away the pain in my heart.  Yet I still caved.   Once an addict always an addict.  It just reminds me that I have an addiction and that I will ALWAYS have to be on guard for this.  

You want to know what I did after I ate the extra cake?  First of all my belly was flipping from all that extra sugar (yeah, shocked me too) so I didn't eat anything.  A little later I had some strawberries  and a little bit later than that I had a string cheese.  So I was able to keep on track even with a splurge.   I'm on track today.  No feeding my emotions........not gonna happen today.  The emotions may well up but feeding those emotions is NOT an option today!

No fooling here

Frustration abounds right now. I work at a job where there is a lot of down time. A LOT! The consolation to the hours of utter boredom have been that I've been able to write my blog posts at work. I've also been able to read and respond to blogs whilst at work. New computers mean new restrictions in the Internet apparently. We've always had restrictions...Facebook, games, various things like that. The restrictions just became near unbearable. I figured out last Friday that they have blogs blocked for me. I can read blogs through theoldreader.com but I can't go to the actual blogs to post. Grrrrr. I swallowed my frustration and rolled with the punch. Until today. Today I figured out that I can't log onto blogger, which means I can't post to my blog (well I can, however I am tying this entry using my cellphone.). Can you say frustrating? No, this is NOT an Aprils fool joke! I have my weight to update today, my book list to update. I have things to do and I am hogtied and unable to do anything. I want to scream! This medium has been instrumental to my weight loss efforts. It keeps me accountable. (Guess I better get used to doing it at home just like most people....but what am I going to do with all my down time at work!?)

I walked early yesterday morning with Sherry. I was planning on going back out to run after eating breakfast with my husband but it started to rain. I shelved my run and hung out and relaxed and eventually went to town for Easter dinner/lunch. I gathered my mojo and went out at about 4pm and got in an interval run. I need to point out that it was raining and I still ran!!!

This morning I started my first day of Jillian Michael's thirty day shred. It was difficult. My muscles were shaking and tired at some points. I could definitely tell what muscles are the weaker ones.

The good, the bad and the ugly

My weight is still way up.  I seriously can't get enough water into my body.  I am stinking thirsty all the time.  So I KNOW why my weight is up.  (not only do I have to combat the super high sodium meals I've eaten of late....but it's the monthly ick time...which makes my weight pop up anyway!)  I'm OK with it.  Even though it is showing me at a 3 pound gain this week.  I was showing a maintain until the high sodium foods hit my table.  It's all good.  Life happens.




The other day I stopped to pick up a sub (sandwich) to take to Todd while he was at work.  I ordered one for my dinner also.  (No worries, I had the calories to eat it!).  I stood there waiting for the food to be ready and I found myself drooling staring at the tasty cake shelf.  I was super hungry.  It was 3:30 or 4PM and I hadn't eaten lunch yet.  I wanted to dive onto that shelf and eat to my hearts content.  In lieu of that, I REALLY wanted to get something off that shelf.  In years past I wouldn't have even stopped to pause, I would have added at least one thing to my purchase, most likely two.  I stood there and realized how very far I have come, it made it easy to walk away and say no.  The victory was mine that day as I walked out of the store with simply the two subs that I had ordered and nothing more!

Yesterday I was driving down the road.  I was occupying my mind by thinking about running.  I've been running (really it's more of a wog  a cross between a walk and a jog) for 2 months now.  It's not been a magical journey where I fell in love with the process.  It's painful....not so much physically (guess I was in better shape than I thought) but emotionally.  I have made the commitment to run through August 9th.  So I have four more months to fall in love with the sport.  But seriously, that's a long time.  Yesterday my thoughts ended up with one sentence that kept going through my head.  "Would it be quitting if I didn't run through the August 9th do or die date?"   I posed the question later to my brother and his family when they stopped by to visit.  My 12 year old nephew looked at me and said "Yeah, MaryFran!  That is totally quitting!"   So I guess I continue to run. I've quit at so much in my life.  If I want to change, it needs to be enacted!   Praying for some running love to hit me.  Right now it's just a little bit of running hate. 

Meanwhile, I'm looking forward to zumba restarting this week after a weeks break.   Even bigger news,  Sherry and I have committed to following Jillian Micheal's 30 day shred video.  We are both prepared to start tomorrow on April 1 (no that is not an April fools day joke) and complete it this month. (what a coinky dink...30 day shred and April has 30 days!).  It's going to be a busy month with zumba 2-3 times a week.  Running 3 times a week.  Thirty day shred every day and walks with sherry as many times as possible.  Ohhh and bike season is beginning so add some bike rides in there. 


SO my big thing for putting myself out there?  I have started a facebook page for my weight loss efforts.  I wanted it to be believing in myself to match my blog but alas that name was taken, so it is Believing in maryFran.  I haven't invited family yet...I'm only slowly inviting friends...and I"m picking and choosing right now.    But I know it's only a matter of time before I"m 'found out'  So ready or not, I'm announcing to the world exactly where I'm at.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  Please feel free to like my page.  https://www.facebook.com/BelievinginMaryFran   I'm kinda planning it to be a cross between my journey, recipe links and inspirational things that I find.  Motivation for me and hopefully motivation for others. 

Dehydrated Friday

I woke up thirstier than a camel.  I've been downing water like a mad woman.  My water mug/jug holds 54 ounces.  I've already had to refill it once (in fairness there is ice in it so I didn't drink 54 ounces already this morning upon editing this an hour or two later I've definitely chugged at least 54 ounces and it's not quite noon).   I'm however not surprised.  One glance at myfitnesspal makes it glaringly clear.  I ate food that was so  high in sodium that it's ridiculous.  Mexican Chicken soup is so tasty, but a bit high in sodium!    I don't usually watch sodium and I know that it will correct itself (with lots of water intake) so I'm not concerned. 

Today won't be much better.  My sodium intake for today is rather steep also.  (Probably because I'm having leftover Mexican Chicken Soup for lunch...and quite possibly dinner).   I tried a new recipe this morning.   I am calling it the Sausage Ring of fire.  OK, the "of fire" is my own addition, just because I'm a bit of a geek.  ~~giggling~~  OK OK OK, I'm simply calling it a Sausage Ring.  It is a bit too 'meaty' for me.  The meat flavor was to heavy for a gal that prefers to go meatless.  However, I thought it was still good.  Todd absolutely loved it.  He actually said it rivals his all time favorite breakfast.  So I guess I'll be making it again. 

Yesterday I didn't plan as well as I thought.  We ended up eating lunch really early, 10:30 AM.  That in itself is not an issue.  The issue is that I didn't plan on eating anything until dinner......which ended up not being until about 8:30.  Uhhhh in case you didn't catch that...  I went about 10 hours without any food to eat.  I realized my mistake at about 3 or 4 PM.  I scrounged around in my drawer at work and found a granola bar.  It was a bit old, but it tasted pretty good.  I was still hungry but that held me until my late dinner.  Of course I chowed down like a starving pig when I hit the dinner table.  GRRRRRR

 

I'm continuing to work on some other ways to reach out and 'be'.  One of them scares the living doo doo out of me because of how "OUT THERE" it really is.  I've written on this blog for years.  I've been transparently raw.   Some friends and family don't even know I have a blog.  Some people vaguely know I have a blog but have never shown any interest. (However, they could find me should they really look.)  I'm going to take a step that opens myself up even further and opens up this blog in a way that I'm not sure I'm totally ready for.....but my new plan is to live fearlessly.....so here goes nothing.  So there will be more on that soon!

 

Writing may be difficult today....I got a new computer here at work.  Joy of joy's, Word is not installed....uhhhhhh GREAT.  I guess I'll be focusing on adding calorie counts to my website!