Determination

I'm heading into day three of my latest quest to get myself back on track.   I've been waffling for the last few weeks.  Start over, start strong and then fail miserably a few days in.  It's a vicious cycle.  I fail for a multitude of reasons.  They are valid reasons, but I still fail.   This time I'm going to claw my way through this phase and get to the other side!

Day three.....This is where it's going to be made or broke.  Why do I say that?   Well, typically I fail about this point (at least in the last few weeks).  But today is a day off of work. (today and tomorrow actually).   Why is this significant?   Well, when we are off work I tend to stray from my tried and true eating methods.....I tend to not eat as many fruits and veggies and just in general eat more calories.  Ohhh and while I'm active doing things, I'm just not as 'active' with exercise. 

Not today.  I've got my day planned out.  I know what I'm eating.  I have it all put into myfitnesspal.  Now I just need to stick to it.   I can do this!

I was talking to my friend last night and I have decided to re-institute my weekly weigh in emails for accountability.   That is part of why Weight Watchers works so well, the weekly accountability is so important.  I can't afford Weight Watchers right now, and I'm absolutely certain that I can do it on my own anyway, so thus not sure I would join even if I could afford it.   So I'm going to pick back up on weekly emails. Donna and Julie.......watch out, you may be getting that email along with Sherry...and I'll be asking for your weight accountability check in in return!

I have always been motivated.....I just have to screw up my determination to see my dreams through!

As for my exercise.  I'm doing the best I can.   Trying not to stress about the foot.  I've tried the rest stuff this summer....and it just came right back.  The crazy part is that my foot didn't start hurting whilst running or exercise.  Simple innocuous act, literally I was sitting Indian Style on the ground and rolled to the left...the top of my foot rolled across the ground and put pressure on the tarsal nerve....that started the downward spiral. Right now the foot feels pretty good.  I taped it the other day (gotta love the PRO KT tape as it lasts a few days...even through showers) and that extra support has eased up the pain, even through two zumba classes.  That's a good sign...that the extra support is what it takes! 

I think I'm going to start looking on Craigslist and Freecycle for a nice exercise bike.  Something heavy enough that I could really push it......a spin bike.  Am I looking for a savior to swoop in and make my problems go away.  NO......I just am seriously looking for something that I can do at home without too much fuss and even during the horrible dark and cold winter months!!   I have a recumbent exercise bike...one that needs some work but more importantly, I don't think I'm pushing as much on the recumbent....just thinking!

No matter what I decide about the exercise I WILL come out on top.  I CAN DO THIS!!!

Only two days

So I’ve struggled in the last two months. Plain and simple, July and August were NOT good months for me in terms of weight loss.  The GOOD thing, is that I managed to maintain within a 5 pound range.  That’s actually an AWESOME thing now that I really stop to think about it…in previous months  I would have gained 10 pounds in that time frame especially with everything that has been going on in my life. However, my weight is sitting at about 212-215.  That is NOT where I want it to be. That is STILL in the obese category. I have to make it to a few pounds under 200 to be considered simply ‘overweight’.   I have a long way to go. 212-215 is NOT the end of the road.

I am struggling.    I am at a cross roads. I’m trying to get accustomed to the restrictions that my sore foot impose, the weather restrictions that are forthcoming and of course my schedule and responsibilities that impose their difficulties into my exercise routine. But more importantly, I have to get my eating under control.  I’m not being ‘bad’  but I’m not being as strict as I need to be in order to really lose this weight!

So as I was walking with my friend Sherry last night I suggested a challenge for us. We will be walking again on Sunday morning.  That means we had two full days before seeing each other again. Friday and Saturday, in case you are wondering. Ha ha!    The challenge???  The challenge is absolute strictness in our caloric intake for those two days.  I aim for between 1200 and 1300 calories a day…..so that is what my challenge is, staying within that range for the days.  Seriously…it’s just two days.  Who can’t do something for two measly days???? 

Small increments.  I’m not looking at the big picture (although I could be back at my all time low weight of 180 by Christmas…..lol) I’m looking at small increments of time.  Saying that I’m going to be ‘good’ for the next four months is a huge undertaking.  But I CAN say without a doubt that I can do this for the next two days.  Come Sunday, I’ll be back with another mini challenge/goal.

I lost pretty much the first week of the month with the patio project...so I'm aiming for 150 miles this month!  :-)   5.22 in thus far!!

Love meets hate and a little celebration

OK, it's goign to be a big celebration...but we will get to that soon!

I love how exercise makes me feel.  I feel ready to conquer the world.  I feel ready to tackle whatever obstacles come my way.  I feel alive!  It really is amazing how awesome I feel.  However there are some downsides..........(these are serious problems, even if you decide that you need to laugh at my downsides)

Yes, we must face them.

 It takes planning...I have had to sit down yesterday and really think about my plans for Monday.  I packed my gym bag because zumba comes immediately after work.  So soon after work that I actually change at work.  I was planning a run this morning before work, so packing my bag yesterday really was the way to go, the morning run usually causes me to run tight on time. OK, so preplanned things isn't really a major issue or downside, it's just a fact of life and just one more thing on my plate.  But in the grand scheme of things inconsequential and probably a good thing..planning has never hurt anyone!  Of course the biggest problem with this is the fact that the cats always seem to want to lay in my packed gym bag, so then I look like a hairy beast while I exercise!
The second and more annoying issue is laundry.  Seriously!  Extra towels because of so many extra showers.  Extra clothes because every workout creates another outfit.  Lets take today for example....I woke up and threw the clothes I slept in into the laundry....I ran this morning (in 24 degree weather might I add).  So I had socks, gloves, hat, cuddle duds (long underwear), exercise pants, sports bra, tee shirt and two sweatshirts that all  went into the laundry (sometimes the top sweatshirt doesn't make it to the laundry I admit...it is on an outer layer so it doesn't really get that dirty does it.......and yes, the gloves need to be washed after I run....why?  Well my eyes tear in the cold and my nose runs too....gloves..well....lets just say they need washed)...then a shower after my run so towel got dirty, I am at work now...so there is another complete outfit from top to bottom.  I have zumba tonight after work..luckily it's inside so I don't have the multiple layers but it still creates another dirty outfit....sports bra, pair of pants and sweatshirt and sports top.  I will go home and shower after that...so more towels.  And then whatever I wear in the evening at home.  That is a full load of laundry (should I ignore the rules of separating colors and throw everything into the same washer!) I feel like I do laundry and then there is a full basket within hours.  I can't blame it all on exercise of course, but there are an awful lot of exercise related items in the laundry now-a-days.  Once again, not a total issue in the grand scheme of things....but just something new that I noticed.

Will I let it stop me from my goals.  Nope....I just better remember to pick up more laundry detergent at the store soon!  I've got my focus set and nothing will stop me!   There may be roadblocks.  There may be obstacles.  Nothing however, will stop me...it may slow my progress...it may make me frustrated...but there is NO looking back.  Forward only!!!!

Sooooooooo on to the celebration!!!!    Drum roll please......the exercise and healthy eating is paying off...BIG time.  This week I lost 4 pounds.  :-)  That is 18.5 pounds since January first!  WOO HOOO!!!  

So that brings me to my dilema.  I recommitted at the beginning of this year (actually I recommitted the day after Christmas but didn't start weighing until New Years day).  I am extremely proud of those 18.5 pounds.  However, should I just be looking at the 18.5 pounds as my weight loss...or should I count my weight loss from my highest overall...in which case I have lost 80.7 pounds.  I feel like I'm cheating this go round if I include that previous loss....but then I feel like I'm ignoring the hard work that went into the previous weight loss. 

Either way....I'm going to win this battle!

It's all me

I lost weight once before. I lost a lot of weight It's all chronicled on this blog. I lost near 130 pounds. I was highly successful. I even managed to maintain that weight for a while (in fairness I was trying to lose more, but my weight remained steady). I did it! People came up to me all the time and were in shock and  awe at the transformation that I had made. Without fail these people asked me how I did it. I had my answer and I said it with happiness and joy. Without fail I answered with two words. "Weight Watchers". I thought that was acceptable. Until now. I'm not saying that weight watchers didn't play a role in my weight loss. However those two words don't encompass the hard work that I did. Me myself and I did it all!!! Those two words don't mention the will power that it took to say no to a piece of cake when I had already eaten my food budget. It didn't even hint at the hours upon hours of exercise that I put in. It didn't discuss the hours of thought, determination and focus that the feat of losing 130 pounds takes. Those two words really detract from the work that I did.  Those two words made the whole process it seem rather easy. It laid all of the praise on the organization that is known as Weight Watchers and downplayed my role in the transformation. I was the perfect spokeswoman (unpaid) for

weight watchers. And let me stop and say that the weight watchers program is wonderful. I am a lifetime member and when I get back to my goal weight I will return to meetings for the community support! However I laid all praise at the feet of the weight watcher corporation.

Weight watchers was a crutch. Weight watchers was a tool. Weight watchers was accountability.Those things are great.   However weight watchers didn't lose the weight. I did. Weight watchers don't exercise for hours in end. I did. Weight watchers didn't summon all the will power to eat healthy. I did. Me me me!


This time around I'm accepting responsibility...that means my failures are mine alone. But it also means that my successes are mine and only mine. This is all me!!  I am changing myself...and no one else is responsible....me and me alone!

Something + Anything = Everything

The mind is a crazy thing.  Last night I was plotting out my day.  When I say plotting out my day I was planning my food and thinking about my exercise.  Zumba after work was pretty much a non-negotiable thing.  I try not to skip that too often.  But I went to bed with grand thoughts of waking up and exercising for a bit in the morning to kick start my day.  Grand thoughts, grand dreams and actually a great idea.

However, I woke up and I felt like curling up on the couch next to my cat Desi.  (Actually Desi is my husbands cat...he doesn't like me all that much, he sorta tolerates my presence).  My mornings tend to be more on the lazy side.  I lay in bed and read a bit.  I get up and mosey to the couch and play around checking all of my various on-line sites that I visit.  It's a bad habit that formed on the days that I don't have to be at work until 10.  It's one that I know that I need to break. But it's just so tempting to curl up like a cat and sleep.


However, I knew that curling up on the couch wasn't an option. So after I dropped my husband off at the studio (still sharing a car) I came home determined to get on the exercise bike and get some kind of activity into my morning.  I walked through the kitchen and looked at the sink.  There were dishes in the sink.  Yes, dishes!  Dirty ones!  Now mind you, I hate house cleaning..I do it of of course.... but a few dishes in the sink would not have caused the end of the world in my house.  I could have tacked them onto the dinner dishes tonight and it wouldn't have been any skin off my back (it was only two glasses, a coffee cup, a bowl, a plate and a few pieces of silverware).  But no....my mind just said "MaryFran you HAVE to do these dishes now!" So I did the dishes (our dishwasher is leaking and while we know that it is just the intake hose, Todd hasn't gotten around to fixing it......so I am doing dishes by hand).   Of course pushing off exercise was not a problem.


While I was washing dishes it occurred to me that I really needed to make my bed.  Seriously!   No, I couldn't delay making the bed.  I had to do it right then there was a burning need within me.  I had to do it before the cats settled onto the bed for their first cat nap of the day!  Of course, this was once again pushing off exercise but that wasn't a problem was it?  After all, there were much more important things to do!  However I started to realize that my mind was trying to sabotage my efforts to exercise. These things were not important.  You see, I don't always make my bed.  GASP!   But it's true,  sometimes it doesn't get made, and the world does continue to spin on its axis.  So why was I gung ho today?  There was only one thing.  My mind was at war with itself.  Crazy eh?????   I made that bed...determined to go straight to the exercise bike afterward!



Best laid plans though......Of course I had made my discovery about my self sabotaging, so I was thinking about exercise.  And that made me think about zumba......and it reminded me that I didn't have my clothes out for zumba. I pack my clothes and take them to work.  Even though there is time for me to go home to change between work and zumba (about 15 minutes), I know that if I go home I would NEVER make it back out the door.  So of course I took a few minutes to pull out my workout gear.......My mind at this time TOTALLY knew what was happening.  Instead of letting it beat me, I vowed to not let it get me down!   Even as all these thoughts went through my mind I decided that I had to get pictures of my day for this blog.....GRRRR that took a few more precious minutes of my morning.


No fears though.  I STILL got myself onto that exercise bike!!!   It wasn't a long ride.  It wasn't a super strenuous ride.  However, I wasn't aiming for distance and I wasn't aiming for super strenuous.  Tonights zumba is my kick A$$ workout!  This morning was simply to get my body moving.  To do SOMETHING. Any kind of activity was what I was aiming for.  Because 15 minutes or 30 minutes is SOMETHING.  You see, if  you NEVER do it;  you will never get there.  Something, anything equals everything!

I'm still rolling.  Determination rules every step I take.  Failure is NOT an option!!!!!