Mental battles

A large part of this journey to health is mental. Or maybe I’m just a basket case...hahaha!  No,  it’s definitely a mental game. In the last three weeks I’ve had at least three mental battles that I can quickly and easily remember. I’d like to say I won the battle for all of them but alas, that’s not the case.

The first mental battle came after I broke the no sweet treat fast  The two weeks of restriction set me back in that healthy relationship that I was building with food.  I all of a sudden  was back to wanting the sweet treats  all the time...because I hadn’t had them. Sure, I knew that I could have them again and that I was not doing the restriction thing anymore. But holy moly try to convince my mind of that fact! It really has been a battle in my mind to try to remind myself that sweet treats are not forbidden, nor are they something that I need to eat like there’s no tomorrow… Because if I want I can have them again tomorrow. So, yes I did dive headfirst into bad food for those first couple days and that is a definite failure. Well, we’ll call it a half failure… I learned something very valuable about myself. What is that? Restrictions only makes me want it more! (absence makes the heart grow finder… Maybe not fonder in the case of food but it certainly does make the desire for it grow more intense).

Last Monday I went to see the doctor . The doctor was very happy with my blood work and worked with me to set a goal for weight loss. OK, in reality she did not work with me she just told me what she wanted me to lose in the next year. My year goal is 10 to 20 pounds. (I’m sure the lower number has something to do with the fact that I told her my slow, learn to live and just be healthier plan where I restrict nothing, which she liked and approved of.) But seriously 10 pounds? That’s not much for a year long effort. And here is where my mind started playing tricks with me again. So… 10 to 20 pounds… If I maintain for 10 months I only have to lose weight for two months of the year. My mind started to scream at me… I call these voices my “mini me”, and they were saying take a break, you got a whole year to lose a measly little 10 pounds and  don’t  bother counting calories this week...don’t bother next week either… start next month… Better yet start after your vacation in October. Yes, my mini me is very distracting and determined to derail me!   I know that listening to those voices is not the best option and plan for me… At all. But the thought was really hard to get out of my head. It’s been a mental battle.

Last but not least, Friday lunch. It was cool outside on my first break when I walked. It looked like it was going to rain any second. And I started to think about taking just one more day away from walking and eating my healthy lunch to grab and instead grab food from the cafeteria. I went back and forth for two hours and 15 minutes until my lunch break. One minute I was going to go to the cafeteria. The next minute I was determined to stand strong. The battle was fierce in my head. I looked at my calorie counter (MyFitnessPal) and I pondered. I did come up with an alternative little ground. I walked. I did eat my healthy lunch. And I allowed myself to buy a few pieces of Reese’s pieces. So it wasn’t a total victory but it wasn’t a total failure. The battles in my mind

The battles in my mind are the worst deterrent to lose weight. I wish there was a nice way to stop those voices that tell me to go ahead and eat, or to skip my walk. But they’re not easy to eradicate.  Will power, will power, will power.

Out of the ‘closet eating’

This has been an interesting week.   No, I didn’t run a marathon…or swim the English Channel.  No, I didn’t set the world on fire with my weight loss.  No, I didn’t do anything earth shattering.  But what I DID do was make some discoveries about myself….I my friends, am a closet eater.

 

First let’s talk about my exercise.  I have managed to continue to walk on my breaks and my lunch at work.  That nets me about 6000 steps…and I can usually make it to 7000 -7500 steps with my evening movement once I get home.    That’s not enough.  I’m missing the mark on my 8000 step goal.  I can sometimes walk in the morning before work, but that depends upon the traffic and if I actually make it to work in time to make a lap.    So my steps have been lacking.  BUT…I am walking!   So while not a victory, it’s at least not a colossal failure!

 

That said, I did get some pictures taken of the lake where I walk….

And my ‘exercise trauma/drama for the week was my Thursday Lunch walk.  I was smiling at the beginning.

 But then I twisted my ankle…….and if that wasn’t enough, a bit later I choked on a grape!  But I continued to walk and even pushed my steps a bit further than normal.

So my weight???    Up from last week by about a pound or two.  I woke up thirsty today...not a good sign for the numbers on the scale!  And well...the monthly water retention is right around the corner!!  (Edit:  I posted this ‘Friday’ weekly summary and within 5 minutes realized that the dates looked wonky!  Oh no!  It’s only Thursday!   Talk about disappoint, two more days of work versus one!!  I thought about taking the post down...but decided to leave it up.  Who knows...I might post again tomorrow and make this a four post week!!) 

 

Next up my eating?  I would love to say that I abided by the ‘rules’ that I set forth a few weeks back.  (8000 steps and available calories before I would allow myself a sweet treat at night.”   I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t make this goal…..I did not make the step goal even once.  I did however manage to keep my calories under budget….BARELY!   My top end of the range of calories is 1500….and Wednesday night AFTER I ate my cookies I put in my food for the day…I came in at 1497 calories.  Talk about squeaking by!  

 

But that brings me to my subject of this post.  My eating habits.

 

On Wednesday I made a vow that I was NOT going to eat any cookies.  I made the vow to my friend Julie via an email.  We talked about our significant others and how we were going to resist, even if they sat there shoveling cookies into their mouths like they were a starving Santa Claus.  It was a vow…it was set it stone and written down…No problem.  Right?  Yeah…well…….2 small chocolate chip cookies that night.   I still at least came in under the top end of my caloric range…but seriously…where was my will power????

 

My big problem was the after work snack.  I get home at right around 6PM.  We usually don’t eat until 8 or so.  I have been finding myself gravitating to the kitchen as soon as I get home on some days.  I dig out a handful or chips or pretzels and I indulge.  If it’s only a pretzel stick or two it’s not bad.  But some days I shovel food into my mouth like there is no tomorrow.  Why are some days bad snack days and some days are not so bad?    This week I figured it out.  I am a closet eater.

 

I got home on Wednesday evening,  Jason’s work van was there but he was nowhere to be found inside the apartment.  A quick glance in the den (aka bike bedroom) revealed his bike was missing.  I had a fleeting moment of throwing on my running clothes and heading out for a run.  FLEETING!  Instead, I moseyed (it was a fast trot actually) to the kitchen where I indulged in some chips and dip...some pretzels and dip…..and then to round out the festivities the last handful of Cheetos in the bag.  I finished up just as I heard Jason’s key in the door.  Yeah, I probably would have continued to eat had he not come home.  In fact, had he BEEN at home, I KNOW that I would have only had a small handful of chips.  I indulged because there was no one there to see me.  I’m a closet eater!  

 

 Luckily Jason usually beats me home...so closet eating isn’t an issue every evening.  However, that said I know I can’t rely on ‘never being alone’ to correct my issue.  So I’m working on some plans and ideas to combat this issue of closet eating.  So stay tuned for a future post!

Who's your daddy???

Well well well......today was my 'weigh in' .   I've set up my accountability with my friends Sherry, Donna and Julie. Basically on Fridays I send them my weight.   They are not required to reciprocate but I am more than willing to be their accountability partner in return.  (and they all jumped at the accountability deal....go friends!)

One day post feeding frenzy and I was really quite nervous about stepping on the scales.  Not surprising eh?   I almost forgot.  I was in the kitchen doing some cooking and prep work for the days meals.  I actually had taken a small bite of turkey salad and had put my breakfast in a bowl (fruit salad) and I remembered!  HIP HIP HURRAY.  (note my sarcasm).    I stripped out of my clothes.   Yeah, yeah yeah.....I weigh myself in my birthday suit, what of it?  I stepped on the scales.  I was 223.4 last week.  I was really expecting the scales to say at least 226.  I closed my eyes while the scales regulated.  I took a deep breath, opened my eyes and looked down.   What???   223.1!   It's a loss!   Don't even try to tell me that point three is NOT a huge loss.  It's  monumental!!!    I made it through a holiday and showed a loss!

This morning Todd and I bundled up and went for a walk on the C&O canal.  It was a chilly walk, but actually warmer than yesterday.  Lovely scenery!   Of course I had to take a picture at the end.....I still apparently have a cone head that I'm covering with my hat...but at least my hat isn't on backwards!







 Todd kept photo bombing me....can you see the 'happiness' on my face????


I'm working on my eating and I've been on target.  UP next....the weekend challenge!

Goodbye Christmas, See you Next Year

Crazy!  My stomach just growled.  I almost forgot what that was!  I have been eating so much food and keeping myself overly fed for so long that I almost forgot what it feels like to actually have your stomach growl with hunger! 

I am 8.8 miles away from Williamburg, VA on my virtual walk.   We walked 4.06 miles yesterday. Between the few miles on the canal and then walking down to the polar plunge I racked up more miles than I expected (I actually turned OFF my GPS tracker/pedometer while we were at the polar plunge also, so the 30-40 minutes we were standing there did NOT count in my mileage...I was a good honest with myself girl).  Yes, we wisely walked near that area and timed our hike so that when we were done walking we just had to walk a half mile to the site of the plunge and then the half mile back to the car.  It added extra distance to my walk AND made for easy parking! 

The Christmas decorations have been removed from my house and put back into storage. It was time. I will be ready for it's return in late November! After I finished cleaning the house after the removal of all things Christmas, I pulled the exercise bike into the living room from it's previous location in our bedroom. I have been wanting to ride my bike lately, but have thrown up excuse after excuse. "Todd is asleep and that will disrupt his sleep", "I don't like the angle that I would have to view the TV at if I rode in the bedroom." and of course the ever present "I would have to clear off the clothes that somehow end up hanging off the bike." All excuses...and all of those excuses are no more!   Ride I WILL....and by Christmas next year I will be in a different place emotionally and physically!!!!   I can't wait to see where that will be!!!!  The future is BRIGHT!