Frugal Friday and a NSV

 Hellooooooo Friday!   Good friend, old buddy!   I’ve been waiting a long time for you!  It has felt like a month of Sunday’s since the last weekend…it’s been a trip and a half!  This week I had a weight loss struggle mid week and along with that a wee little NSV.  And since it’s Friday I decided to share my own personal frugal Friday Find!  (Come on now…how could I not since it is a such a fun alliteration!)

Weigh Loss Struggle 

After my not so stellar weekend and weigh in on Monday, I was sure that I would be rocking out this week with my weight loss.  The determination was high!  I was up against the wall.  I have a goal that I want to reach by the beginning of October (vacation).  The goal requires me to lose two pounds a week.  Not losing during this last weigh in was putting me behind schedule and I couldn’t have that!  Motivation was running high!   Determination seemed to fail me around Wednesday!

I had grand plans on Wednesday!  I carefully entered my planned food intake for the day.  I looked at the numbers on MyFitnessPal and I was right in lines.  My calories were right around 1300.  I was golden!  (I am Mfclingan on MyFitnessPal if you want to join me.)  But then lunchtime came. The plan had been to eat some corn (leftover corn that I had cut off the cobs on Monday night) and some cherries.   I was good with that plan. Until I walked into the kitchen!  The first thing I saw was the potato roll that was leftover from the weekend.  Bread!  I love bread! I had been successfully ignoring that potato hamburger roll all week.  I don’t rightly know why I hadn’t thrown it away.  I had thrown away the extra pretzel hamburger bun…but for some reason I left the potato bun. Stupid move!  Really stupid move.  Because on Wednesday I  caved.  Maybe it was the few slices of deli ham that was leftover from making chicken cordon blue the night before that threw me over the edge…but whatever the reason, I grabbed that hamburger bun and that ham and I made myself a ham and cheese sandwich.  (Two slices of cheese and Mayo were also added!)  I wish I could say that it ended there.  But it didn’t.  Chips.  I can usually ignore Jason’s chips.  But with a ham and cheese sandwich…I lost the battle!  Yes, I had chips with my sandwich.  Oh… I still ate the corn and the cherries.  I wasn’t doneI I thoroughly enjoyed the candy that I keep on my desk.  It is my one piece 20 calorie treat in the afternoons. I can usually do fine with it and keep it at that one piece little pick me up treat.    Except on Wednesday.  On Wednesday, it wasn’t one piece.  I’m sure it was closer to 10 pieces.  Ooops!  My calorie budget was shot for the day and I knew it!

A Wee weight loss NSV

Wednesday night rolled around and with it came dinner time.   I had planned and put together a pan of Baked Ziti ln Tuesday night so dinner prep was literally making a vegetable (baked zucchini Parmesan) and throwing some garlic bread in the oven.   I pulled the garlic bread out of the freezer and my mind began do do battle!  I had planned on one piece of garlic bread.  However I WANTED two pieces!   Why not just do it…my calorie budget was were already blown for the day.  Why not just indulge and enjoy.  ‘I can always get back on track tomorrow right?’  Yes, I actually said that to myself. But then I immediately corrected myself and said ‘no…if you eat the bread you will dig yourself deeper into a hole and tomorrow you will just be mad at yourself’    

 I put that extra piece of bread away.  I stuck to the original plan.    And that my friends is my NSV!   Sure my calories were way over for the day but I kept it from being worse.  I didn’t cave to that mentality of “well I already messed up may as well enjoy it.’   That mentality is what has caused my weight gain. It is what keeps me from weight loss.  I stopped it in its tracks on Wednesday it is a victory!  (And that victory set me up for success on Thursday!)

Frugal Friday 

I love a good deal!  I call myself cheap…Jason reminds me that most of the time it is me being frugal!  (Although I can sometimes be a bit cheap too!)   My frugal side came through recently when I was looking at dresses on Amazon.  Now let me say that Jason loves to see me in a dress.  (Something that is even more rare now that I work from home… can I say comfy clothes all week?)   Add to that is the fact that I also love vintage clothes!  I love the style of dresses from the 50’s.   Is it any surprise that I was looking at 50’s inspired dresses?  

And then I saw it!  I saw a polka dot dress that I fell in love with!!  (Amazon link).  Now, I’ve looked at dresses at the mall and random stores. $60 seems to be a decent  figure for the cost of  most dresses. (Low ball figure)and that is why I don’t buy them.  I struggle buying a dress that I will be spending a fair amount of money for but may not wear too often!  I was expecting this dress to be about the same price!  But no!  It was only $30!  Really???  I just had to have it!!!  I ordered it and anxiously awaited its arrival!

It came and I fell even more in love with this dress!  This dress was only $30 and it was a true bargain!   It was my frugal Friday Find!!!  Now I just need to find a place to wear a dress!   Maybe it’s time to spice up my life and get out of my comfy scrubby clothes!!!!

if you want to see a video of the dress and see me wear it,  (and some other bargains) you can check out my video on YouTube at this link.  

I’m heading into the weekend after this week where   I struggled.  But my mental decision to not indulge in destructive behaviors was a huge victory and has rekindled the determination to make this week’s weigh in fantastic!!!!  I’m on a roll.   And, seriously…how cute is that dress?????

Taking my measurements during my Weight loss Journey

I finally broke down and did it!  I took my measurements!   I know, I know…this is so important to do during a weight loss journey!  You don’t have to tell me why I should be doing it, I know!  I actually got on the measure myself bandwagon back at the end of 2019 and the beginning of 2020!  I was doing great with it!  I was measuring myself every month like clockwork!    And then Covid happened.

Like so many people, my life was turned upside down when our world basically shut down.  I started to work from home, Jason was furloughed.  All of my normal routines were wiped away in one fell stroke.  And I gained.  Oh yes, I gained.  I came clean with that on Monday when I posted the results of my first week and a half.    I have been doing very well thus far with getting back on track.  But I was still nervous with taking my measurements.  Without measurements I could 'pretend' that I didn't look like I had gained almost 20 pounds....RIGHT????

Today I called myself out on my excuses to NOT measure.  Oh they were probably quite valid.  "Who knows where the tape measure is?"   "I don't have time!"  And my personal favorite, "I better wait and film it for youtube!"   Ok, so maybe they weren't at all valid!  OK, ok ok, so they were all me trying to delay the inevitable!   But eventually I just did it  Yup.  I did.

The results weren't that bad.  My legs have actually dropped inches almost everywhere.   My arms and my belly increased and all else remained pretty much the same.  It could have been MUCH worse!

I am glad that I faced the numbers!  I think Jason's words that morning gave me courage.  He touched my chin and said "skinny. You see, like so many people I drop my weight in my face.  I've been thinking that my face looked thinner, but I had been thinking that it was wishful thinking. I guess not....it must be true!   So onward and upward......time to lose some more weight!  Here's to me not only remembering to do it but actually DOING my measurements next month also!!!!!

Why am I doing this Again?

Routine, work well when I am in a routine and things are going like 'normal'.  This week was anything but routine.  Snow (yes, again) on Monday cancelled Zumba.  Snow lingering on the ground on Tuesday and Wednesday (and remember I get off work at 6 so it's dark when I get off) kept me from running in the morning (ok and because I'm a wimp and don't run in snow and on ice).   No zumba due to fat tuesday and Ash Wednesday (the church uses the hall that we use) and well, it just blows my routine.  I ate half way decently, but there may or may not have been some brownies involved. (ironically enough, the days I ate the brownies I actually ate accordingly and didn't blow my calories).  Hopefully this week will get me back on track.

So as I struggled this week I had lots of thoughts going through my head.   I will admit that not all the thoughts were positive. One day I was getting ready to go to work and I was thinking about situations in my life and then my quest to be thin and I have to admit it.  What am I admitting?   Out loud for the world  (ok so it was just my cats in the house with me) to hear I said "Why am I doing this?"   You see, losing the weight is not going to 'save' my marriage.     It's not going to solve my financial woes.  It's not going to magically give me a career that I love.  It's not going to do lots of things.  Why am I denying myself the things I love when I'm not going to reap the benefits of my hearts deepest desire.  Why indeed!

I am happy to say that I didn't say that and just rush off to the kitchen to eat up a pan of brownies....or a bag of chips...or whatever.  I don't rightly know why not.  I think it was simply because my mind was just lethargic that day and I didn't have the brain power available to think about it so I just continued on with the path that I was on.  Maybe I did have a moment of clarity that said "continue on" .  I don't know.

Whatever the reason, this week I continued forward; pretty much on autopilot.  And then a chance encounter at a grocery store  made me step back and think about it deeply.

I was in the checkout line at the grocery store and the cashier looked at me and said "Do you like this product?"  It was for Smart Ones frozen pizzas.  I actually buy them for Todd...I'm not a big fan. I told her that....said that the smart ones tend to be high in sodium but they do the trick.  They manage portion control and are quick and easy that that sometimes is what we need to avoid McDonalds or other bad places (ok, they aren't bad but it just sounded good).  We got to talking.  She is 2 weeks into her journey.  I gave her a brief history.... "weighed over 300 pounds, lost 130 some pounds, gained a few back and now working to relose".  My brief history opened up the floodgates and she started talking.  She mentioned that someone had noticed her weight loss. For some reason, it brought back a memory.

I had lost probably about 100 pounds and I was walking down the street when a truck drove by.  The guy in the truck whistled.   I jumped and looked around to see who was around, because Fat girls don't get whistled at.   Much to my surprise I was the only one on the street and furthermore, the truck was at the stop sign and he was looking at me.   I was in shock.  Serious shock.  Here I was in my mid 30's and I had had my first 'whistle'.  Yeah, I'd like to say I was graceful and smiled, maybe flipped my hair over my shoulder all sexy like.   However, that wasn't the case.  In shock, I tripped and fell down.  I KID YOU NOT!

But you see, I was whistled at. ME.  I don't need to be whistled at to make myself feel good.  But honestly, I want to be the woman that IS whistled at!  I want that.

I talked to this cashier about the energy levels I had at my lower weight.  It was amazing.  Exercising takes time but I still had more than enough time in my day to get stuff done.  I want that!

The more I thought about the whistle the more I remembered the good things about being thin.  (and some I never lost when I started regaining, but if I don't get it in line, I will be in grave danger of losing these perks)

**Clothes that fit spectacularly
**Fitting on rides at amusement parks
**Energy
**Towels that wrap the whole way around your body
**Clothes that can be purchased ANYWHERE, not just the fat woman's store...or in the fat woman's department
**Not being cramped in a table at a restaurant,
**going through a turnstile without having to squish my fat body through the tight space
**Self confidence.......you see when we feel food about ourselves, our self confidence flourishes

And yes, I could sit here and come up with a TON more  TONS

Maybe the perks do outweigh the choice of giving up what I love..

reflections

Not doing too badly....not doing too good either. My eating, while not out of control has not been exactly where it should be. I ate WAY too many carbs yesterday. Yesterday started when I was organizing the spice cabinet. I saw some spices for dipping oil. Hmmmmm dipping oil. YUMMY. That sounds absolutely delightful! SOOOO I immediately, without second thought, started to whip up a batch of homemade bread. Well, the dinner that I had planned really wouldn't have worked the greatest with homemade bread (it was a casserole that had bread in it......) so I just switched up and threw some spagetti sauce together and had that simmering away on the stove. It was a scrumptious meal just a little bit too many carbs. :-)

Exercise and activity wise, I'm going strong!

Yesterday I once again sat back at the end of the day and really thought about how far I've come. Was a day, not to long ago that a day of activity would have caused me to drop in utter exhuastion. Yesterday I woke up and I was on the go from moment one until the evening. I did laundry, I moved stuff, I baked, I cooked, I cleaned, I shovelled snow, I assisted my husband as he worked on some plumbing at the studio (running up and down the stairs more than 20 times), I also formally exercised for 80 minutes. I was not dropping from exhaustion. It was a normal day. I reflected that at one point, shovelling snow for 10 minutes was enough to cause me to drop on the couch for a long 'much deserved' break. What a difference!

I also spent some time reflecting on my current weight. Yes, I know that I can get to 180 pounds....I was there....I maintained that for over a year. I REALLY want to get back there (180 is my doctor approved weight...so when I get to 180, I'm back to lifetime at weight watchers...I won't have to pay). But I'm not going to worry about it. I can't get all stressed out and upset about the fact that the scales are just not moving. I know that I'm living a healthy lifestyle right now and that is what is important!

My weight is a little up today...I'm not sure why. I'm not going to worry about it though. I've been totally on target with what I've been eating AND I've actually kicked butt during my last two workouts (yesterday and today).



I'm starting to 'train' and make sure that I'm riding my bike as I'm seriously contemplating joining Donna as she makes her first bike ride event! Yep, it would be my first event also. I've always said that I wanted to do this.....what a great way to start! So yes, very seriously contemplating...serious enough that I've already requested the day before and the day after off from work....they know it's tentative...but it's in the schedule. Todd and i have talked and if we do it, we will sandwich the day of the ride in the middle of a small mini vacation. We'll see. :-)



Today just thought I would make small list of things that I used to take for granted as normal but have since realized was not normal at all!



1. Having a towel that can wrap the whole way around me when I get out of the shower (those big bath sheets were also too small at one point).

2. Being able to walk into ANY store at the mall and find something that is in my size.

3. Not having to worry at an amusement park....I used to worry that I would be too big for rides...and actually wasn't able to ride some because of my size! (admittedly when we went to an amusement park this past summer, I still caught myself worrying about it.....and had to keep telling myself that I was of NORMAL weight and would fit into ANYTHING!)

4. having stomach aches constantly (well, today is an exception...I've been feeling icky all afternoon....and all yesterday afternoon as well)

5. being so big that my stomach over lapped my pants, causing my stomach to rub against the buttons on my pants....which resulted in huge sores on my stomach. I got to the point that I was buying huge band aids (those really big ones) and coating my stomach so that it wouldn't rub my skin raw!





The list goes on and on!!!!!

Skipped Meeting

I noticed something on Monday. Last summer when I bought my clothes for this job I purposefully bought everything tight. The shirts were not exactly gaping tight but they were right on the cusp of gaping, especially at my bustline. Well, yesterday I wore one of those shirts to work. I was working the drivethrough and couldn't help but notice my reflection in the window. The shirt was lose. As in I could pull the shirt about 2 inches (so 4 inches of fabric) to put it back to the fit that I had last year in the shirt. It looks more frumpy now..but it's REALLY lose.



Something else happened. Tuesday morning I put on my work clothes. I'm wearing another shirt that I've had for a while and that is a bit loose. Todd looked at me and was like, "Damn, in the last month you have become really curvy and your shape is becoming more defined." He was like, is it the clothes you are wearing? I could honestly look at him and say..NOPE, these are clothes that I've been wearing for a year or so!



SO, even though I've not been losing weight, at least it's showing somewhere! The problem, we are a society that is based upon concrete things. A weight, a number on the scale, those are concrete. Something I can announce and it's all good. It's harder to measure, loose clothing, or the occaisional compliment. Yet, it's those things, the compliments the loose clothing, the reduced inches....THOSE are the things that really matter. I need to focus less on the scale and more on the physical changes in my body. OK, ok, ok, easier said then done. Especially since I'm trying get to that magical goal weight!



As for the scales. Do I weigh? Or do I not weigh throughout this week? It really is a dilema for me. I know that to weigh in every day keeps me on track and focused. However, when the scales just do stupid things its so frustrating. Oh well, I'll just play it by ear.


Just recently I read on someones blog (sorry, I can't for the life of me remember whom or even where) about a movie called Touching the Void. It struck a chord because this person mentioned a bit about the story (a mountain climber gets hurt and has to climb down with a broken leg....beating incredible odds). SHe mentioned that this guy did it by focusing on one object and reaching that object. I do this when I'm pushing myself either biking or jogging, so it really struck me. SOOOO I rushed to netflix and put it at the top of my list. It came today. Watched it....INCREDIBLE story! Yes, his focusing on the next goal and setting a time limit to help him remain focused is just amazing. HOWEVER, he knew he had to do something....beat incredible odds...no matter the cost. He ignored the pain. (as best he could) He overcame his fatalistic attitude. And he just did it. My word.....can't that be compared to weight loss. To most people to lose weight is to beat incredible odds. It hurts, physically, mentally and emotionally. And it's so easy to adopt a fatalistic attitude (yeah read my last few posts). The end is worth it. I started this because I knew that my weight was going to kill me. That makes me no different than the main character in the movie....he knew he had to do something or die. Same place I'm at mentally. Or where I was at when I started this journey. Because I knew that I had to do something because my weight was slowly killing me!
That reminds me of something that I read that was written by Lance Armstrong (the biker that battled cancer and came back to win the tour de france many times over. He said taht while training after cancer, the pain of training paled in comparison to the pain of battling cancer. He had stared death in the face and intense training had NOTHING on it.
Beating the odds is truely mental.

the good, the bad and the ugly

What first...the good or the bad. Hmmm...I think I'll go with the bad first..and end on a good note.

I'm eating like a starving pig! What more can I say? I'm just eating and eating and eating! Not exercising and I have no desire to exercise! ARRGGHHH

The good news...and hopefully it will spark me to be 'good'. I was gettign ready for work, standing in the closet trying to figure out what to wear. Out of the corner of my eye I glimpsed my two 'goal dresses'. These are dresses that I found a few years ago for like a dollar a piece. One is a size 10, the other is a size 12. They are both denim (pity because I can't wear denim to my current job). Anyway, I saw them out of the corner of my eye. Just for a giggle I decided to put the 12 one...or should I say TRY to put the 12 on and see how close I am. OH MY WORD>>>>>>IT FIT! IT FITS! IT FITS! It is on the tighter side...but it fits! I can't believe it! Who would have ever guessed! I mean, I bought it....but I never really truly imagined that i'd actually ever fit into it! WOAH doggie! In fact, I think when I first bought them, my words (I think I journalled it...I'll have to go back and read and try to find it) were "I may never fit into these dresses...but they will serve as inspiration......cheaply".

Oh the other thing. A conversation with a friend sparked me to think about eating out and the booths that we are usually seated in. It made me think back a few years to when my husband and i would go out to eat. If we were sat in a booth, we wouldn't sit directly across from each other. We would sit more diagonally. This would allow us to push the table into a cock-eyed position....giving us each more room for our over-sized bodies! It's crazy because we no longer do that. In fact, I usually ahve WAY too much room in a booth!

My last Saturday!

I enjoy the type of work I've been doing, however I'm very glad that I'm in the throes of my last week there! I've been having such a difficult time not nibbling all day at work (gotta love the food and service industry). No, I can't nibble while I'm working...but when it's slow....arrgh, is it ever difficult! So, I have three more days there, then I'll be switching to the bank.......not as much to readily nibble on there! AMEN!

In case it wasn't readily stated...yes, I nibbled today at work! I do it and then I immediately feel guilty. I know it's a boredom thing! Today was totally 100% boredom! Some days it's a social thing...because the gal I work with eats ALL DAY (yes, literally). When we are slow and I've got the boredom thing already going on...having to deal with the social thing is just the death toll! I do however try to bring LOTS of snacks! Of course I had snacks today, the were in the refridgerator and I STILL ate bad stuff! I need to slap my wrists and get control of this!

My goal is to be at my goal weight by my birthday! I'm planning on being to my healthy weight range by the end of October (that's roughtly 30 pounds). That then gives me just about 2 months to get myself to my goal...wherever that may be! Nope...I still don't know where that may end up being!

HUGE, HUGE, HUGE NSV. I've been shopping for clothes for this new job (nope..I had nothing but jeans, jean shorts and a few jean skirts...nothing that was suitable for a bank) I'm now able to shop at pretty much ANY store in the mall! This is HUGE! HUGE! HUGE!!!

HUGE NSV

Tonight while out to dinner with my parents, my dad's aunt came in and sat down at the next table to my parents. I hadn't seen her in a while, BUT, during the conversation she actually had to ask who I was. She didn't recognize me with the weight loss! I can't tell you how good I felt!

The other thing.....it actually hit me that I can go pretty much anywhere to shop for clothes! Even though I've never looked at clothes at Sam's club before, I decided to peruse the aisles. Oh my word.....I could actually fit into those clothes!!!!!!! Amazing!

BIG day for me...discoveries and NSV's!

I sound like a broken record!

Yes, at the risk of sounding like a broken record I'll say it. I'm not going to have a good weigh in tonight. Nope. Not at all. I actually think I gained about 3 pounds. I had said anything under 5 pounds and I'd be a happy girl! I'm not going to be happy to lose that weight again. However, I feel like I would have been denying myself if I wouldn't have given in and allowed myself anything. The problem was, yesterday I was there in the kitchen and I nibbled and nibbled. Mom had the goodies OUT and in plan view on the table. Not her fault...I should be able to resist.

I'm very lucky though. While I was eating, I knew that on Tuesday, I would be jumping right on the wagon and going full fledged with this eating thing again. Even as I shoveled in food (ok, it wasn't that bad.......nibbled on food) I knew that it would be a different story on Tuesday and everyday thereafter. So, how has Tuesday gone thus far. GREAT! I've eaten responsibly and made it to the gym for a great workout this morning!

I think the big thing was that I realized that I could wear another pair of pants from the 'not yet' drawer! So all day yesterday I was wearing something that previously was too small. It fit...COMFORTABLY! That is such a great feeling! And it helped me mentally be ready to and looking forward to getting back on task! The other thing is that I'm getting ready to help lead this summer weight loss challenge. SO I know that I'll be thinking about weight loss a lot!

I'm going going to take this weigh in tonight, file it and come back in the next weeks and regroup, relose and get back to the losing life!

Progress....sometimes is harder to find, but it is there!

I really need to measure myself...it's been probably a month and a half since I measured....poundage-wise...seem to be sitting still. :-( The doctor was actually pleased though today....I was 30 pounds lighter than when I was last there a while back.

Well, even though I haven't been seeing a great loss of weight, I did see a difference in SOMETHING this week. We have been working in the garden a lot this week. Previous years, I do something for 15 minutes and I was wiped out.......sore...tired, etc etc etc. Not this year. I noticed that my stamina is much better for active tasks. THe other thing....I've started riding my bike on HILLS.....I have been riding a lot on the canal in previous years...FLAT. I've started riding on the battlefield roads...VERY hilly! It KILLS me, and I am panting and gasping for breath when I get to the top of these hills...BUT the good thing. I recover within a minute or so.....last time I had tried to ride on the battlefield, I couldn't catch my breath...and we actually had to stop for about 15 minutes or so for my heart to stop racing. Now, I keep biking but still recover much faster!