Two Day Fast

​I have been fasting for two days.   It is not in conjunction with weight loss efforts, but I will gladly accept any weight loss.   Even though this fast has been for medical reasons, I have had some thoughts come into my head in relation to food.

Let me start by saying that this period of no food has been in preparation for a colonoscopy.   I have been long overdue for having one.  My  father died of colo-rectal cancer in 2017.  I should have run with all haste to have a colonoscopy when he was diagnosed.  I should have not put it off or at least done it in honor of him when he died.  Yet here I am over 5 years since his death and FINALLY getting one done.  The hesitancy is a combination of a few things.  First, I don’t like to go to the doctor and  secondly I’ve heard the horror stories of the prep for the procedure. But thirdly, I’m afraid of the results. No know…silly to ignore it!  But I’m doing it now…today in fact.

So I have been in prep mode now for a while.   I actually decided to try to make it easier on myself.  On Wednesday I ate really lightly.  My calories were low…I ate minimaly.  I figured the less food in my body the better right???  

So Wednesday dinner was my last meal.   Friday dinner after this test will be my next meal.  That is a 48 hour fast.  Ok, maybe it hasn’t been a total fast.   I drank a can or two of 7-up and I did have about a cup of jello in the 48 hour period.    But seriously, that’s so little we may as well call it a 48 hour fast.  And do you know what?  It hasn’t been bad I never had to dip into the popcicles or Italian Ice that I had in the freezer.

I actually wasn't  worried about the fasting part.  I knew that I would be fine.  My husband seemed more worried about that for me.  But it posed no problem.  However, the thoughts in my head were enlightening!

It actually wasn’t even a challenge to not eat.   I wasn’t gnawing at the kitchen cabinets or anything wanting to eat.  I was content without food.  Didn’t really miss it.  Isn’t that crazy?  Now that’s not saying that I won’t be ready to eat when the procedure is behind me!  But I wasn’t desperate for food at any time during the last few days.  Not on the day of minima/light eating and not yesterday on my liquid diet day.  Interesting…hmmm

The biggest revelation for me though was the thoughts in my head.   The habit to go grab something was strong.  And I was able to realize that it wasn’t hunger but literally a ‘nothing to do so may as well eat’ thought.

The best way to describe this mental thought is to talk about what happened when the power went out.  I was working and the power went out.  It ended up being out for about 2 hours.   I used the time to sit quietly in the living room and read.   Over and over my head told me to ‘go get a few pretzels to eat while you read’. Or ‘some grapes would be great while I’m reading’.  I never felt hunger…it was a boredom thing.  With the enforcement of my fast (or close to a fast) for the colonoscopy prep I couldn’t eat and it cleared my brain to realize that the thoughts/need/desire for food was simply that.  Boredom.

I don’t know what I am/can do with this newfound knowledge.  But hopefully I can remember it whenever that urge to ‘go grab a pretzel’ hits in the future.

Meanwhile, it’s snowing…so we will be leaving for my test a bit early.   Wish me luck! (With the roads and with the results)

Slowly dwindling supply

I've had a few punches in my progress the last 12 hours or so......lets just call them whammys!

The first Whammy.....(and I apologize...number one may be a bit long). It's a whammy to my heart...but also a reminder to myself...an important lesson!

Sometimes we don't realize the impact that we have on others.  In a way it is mind boggling!  I was just reminded of this in a very real way within the last 24 hours....  Let me start at the beginning...about 30 years ago...junior high and high school.   I was friendly to all and counted most people in the school as 'friends....more acquaintance friends'.  I had some that I was a little closer with.....One of those was Jennifer.   We spent every lunch together sitting on a bench on the quad.   We rode the bus together.  We had multiple classes together.  She was quiet, smart and really sweet.   She had the deepest southern accent.  We got along great.  I moved away right around graduation...and we have not seen each other since then.  However we have faithfully kept in touch via Letters, Christmas cards (even during crazy college years when I almost no one got Christmas cards from me, I would go to hallmark and buy a special one for her) and once social media hit through Facebook and other such mediums. In recent years sadly it was only random 'likes' and comments on Facebook and the yearly Christmas card.  Last night when my cell phone rang with an unknown number I almost didn't answer it.  Telemarketer or some such none sense I was sure.   But the Dade City, Florida displayed on my phone made me curious...because well I lived in Brooksville which is right near there...and of course Jennifer lives in Dade City.   I answered it expecting to shortly thereafter hang up on a sales call. (Yes I need to get myself back on the do not call list...I must have fallen off that lost!).    The voice on the other end took me right back to the years I lived in Florida.  Deep southern accent ....it was Missy...Jennifer's sister (incidentally missy was just a year or two older so I knew her too).   She was calling to tell me that Jennifer had passed away that morning.  I was in shock.  I talked to missy for a while and found out what happened (she had cancer and had requested that it be kept as private as possible and since I'm 20 hours or so away by car I never knew).    

So a whammy to lose my friend....but also a huge reminder to myself that my actions and behaviors really affect people!!!   Here is someone that was shy and quiet ...I extended my friendship to her and 26 years after the last time we saw each other in person....and after years of not really having real contact I am on the call list that she left to notify about her death.  (can we count the FB likes and the Christmas cards as real contact...I'm going to say no!). I don't even recall sharing my cellphone number with her!!!  I either forgot or they had to search to get my number!  It tells me that my friendship had a larger impact upon her life than I may have realized.

I feel guilty....I could have been such a better friend in recent years!  The Internet opens up the world that makes it easier to stay in touch.    When I was in Florida a few years back (2014) I had thought about flying down a day earlier and visiting Jennifer but logistically and financially it would have been difficult.   But I SHOULD have!!! 

  How simple an act of kindness...the extension of friendship really is...but very far reaching in the hearts and lives of those on the receiving end!!!  

Whammy two came while I was on the phone with Missy.  I asked what type of cancer.   Colo-rectal....already spread to the liver at the time of diagnosis.   My heart stopped.   That is exactly what my father is fighting!  I heard the story of Jennifer's fight and while it started with the same diagnosis it sounds like she gave up and stopped fighting.  I'm going to cling to that and to the power of prayer when it comes to my father!!! (Dad is currently receiving radiation in Baltimore...which they indicate will be the last step before surgery....he is concerned about his cat that is home alone....with me and my cats!!!!  I sent him this picture last night.....and yes, shadow is definitely missing his daddy!!!  Just like Ethel is really missing her granddaddy!!)

Dad seems to be handling the radiation with flying colors....just like he did the first rounds of chemo!  We continue to pray!!

Whammy three?  Just the normal monthly ick.

Whammy four????   I woke up with draining sinus ick causing a sore throat and a sinus pressure headache!

You know your day isn't going to go well when you make a stop at the pharmacy and your purchases look like this...

Yes I made a few more purchases while I was there...

In fairness the sweet tarts were buy one get one for 25 cents.  And they are kind of a memory from high school (that's when I used to get them) so it seemed fitting!!

Ohhh and while Jennifer's death is just reminding me to take care of myself to try to be as healthy as possible so that I CAN live far into the future in a healthy manner.....today is just a day that I needed more...

I'm not falling off the rails...but for today I'm going to mourn the loss of my friend,  lament about my failure as a friend, worry about my dad, cough and sniffle through this sinus gunk, and just ride out the monthly ick and its corresponding emotions with a slowly dwindling pile of candy on my work desk!!!!

Poisonous

Last night we walked on the Chesapeake and Ohio Canal.   The weather was fabulous!!!   The squirrels were enjoying the evening.  We saw numerous pairs of them running together, jumping from tree to tree.  We enjoyed watching  the turtles in the water.   The bright red cardinals were chirping and fluttering around trying to impress their female counterparts (or maybe protecting the nests of their young...who knows...it's more romantic to say trying to impress their love interest right?).    We  even got to see a brave and bold deer drinking only a few feet away.  (He finally retreated about 5 feet and waited for us to pass by before moving back to his original position). 

Today???

The alarm went off at 5AM.  I so did NOT want to move!   Really?  Who in their right mind runs that early????  

My mind's mean and negative Mini Me  tried to talk me out of it.  "MaryFran, you've been having that burning pain on the top of your foot the last day or two...maybe you shouldn't run". (Basically a pinched or compressed nerve....and I am taking care of it).  And. "MaryFran, it's still dark....barely light". And of course the ever present "MaryFran come on now the bed is so comfortable sleep the extra hour away"

Luckily for me there was also the voice of health happiness and well maybe just a little competitivness in there too!  That voice, in a much friendlier tone said... (And imagine this as sounding something like angels singing) "MaryFran, if you don't run you will start to fall behind Jason in the mileage challenge and you hate hate hate to lose!!"   And "your doing so good with running, if you stop you will lose your momentum".   I think it even gleefully sang the words "Look MaryFran, you just wiggled your foot and didn't feel even a twinge of pain....this run is yours!!"   

So earlier I asked 'Who in their right mind runs at 5AM?'     Apparently I'm not in my right mind...because I was done with my run by shortly after 6!

It wasn't an easy run.  Things went awry on this run!   

I went slow because of my foot.  (Which didn't hurt until after the run was completed).   That not really awry but I don't like the higher numbers!

About a half mile into my run my headphones began to speak to me.  That's not a good sign....because the only thing they ever say is 'charge me'.   From that first warning you only get about 5 -10 more minutes before they shut down completely.   So yeah.  I ran more than half of my run without music (they are on the charger now!!!)

And well....I went to the bathroom before I left the house but I really had to go starting at about the mile mark!   It's not fun running and clenching your muscles tight!!!

Physically I felt well enough to continue....but with everything happening (and I did have to get ready for work so my time was short) I called it a completed victory after about 2.5 miles!

As I ran today....in silence... I was pondering my father and what he is going through.  I know I've alluded to some stress and worry about my dad.  He was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks back.   He started chemotherapy yesterday.  (Trying to halt the growth and shrink the tumor and the spots that have metatastasized to make any eventual surgery more successful.) 

What kept going through my head was the 'poison' that they are pumping into him.  Because yes, that's exactly what chemo is....a poison that kills ...hopefully attacking primarily the cancer cells.  It is a necessary poison that we hope and pray keeps him alive! 

   But what kept going through my head was that I frequently find myself putting non nutritious food (poison I might say) into my body on a daily basis and don't think twice about it!    A little harsh?  Yeah definitely.....because eating a Reece's cup isn't considered poison....and a piece of cake isn't alone going to kill me. But all put together and ingested with no control and no care about my health, they could kill me.  Obesity kills.  Diabetes kills.  The unhealthy food choices are not building my body up...they are tearing me down.   It's just as poisonous...just oh so much more subtle!