What a day! It started out good. I got up early, rode the bike and I was feeling pretty good. I had some pretty deep thoughts while I was on the bike. I was anxious to put them down on paper, er blog. I LUCKILY wrote on a scratch paper a couple of the basic ideas to take with me to work to write my post and then I made breakfast, pumpkin pancakes. My oh my were they good. This is a new recipe for me. We've had pumpkin pancakes out at restaurants but I had never found a recipe that I really liked. I think I found it! :-) I had extra pumpkin, so I made some pumpkin muffins also. :-) Cleaned up the kitchen and came to work. And that is where the day started to go crazy! First, I got there and my computer was torn apart, every 'free' (not being used by another teller) computer was torn apart. So I sat behind the teller line for an hour while I waited for him to be done. Hey, no skin off my back, if you want to pay me to sit and do nothing, be my guest! Well, it finally got fixed and I had just logged onto my computer, my money was in my drawer and I turned on the counter heater. (Hey, I'm cold all the time!). Within a minute or two we heard this loud popping noise coming from my desk. I looked there and oh my word smoke was pouring up through the bucket, and all cracks and crevices on the counter. I pulled out the drawers and removed my money....threw it in the main vault and we called the fire department. We were reasonably sure that it was nothing other than some short or something, but procedures had to be followed. So we evacuated the building and waited. Oh my word..the brought 4 fire companies to our little electrical 'short' fire. Too funny. They started rolling the hoses down the road, some guys ran in with axes and claw thingies. It was just a hoot! Luckily, I had my camera with me! :-) (as a side note, ironically enough, less than a half hour earlier, I had been wondering out loud what I could shoot for my daily picture for the envisage project..hmmmm) Lets see...that excitement died down (well, as much as possible..the drive through was TOTALLY shut down, and on a Friday. Although they came and worked on it all afternoon...it's up and working again..and I'm the one that's sitting at the fire trap desk!). Lets see, I got money from the vault and found a $50 mixed in with the $20's. :-) Just crazy!
OK...my weight this morning.... 183.2 I was hoping that it would just drop off and be water weight. But not my luck. Oh well......it will come off! :-)
I watched another episode of The Biggest Loser Australia (season 2) this morning while on the exercise bike. They were doing a hike where at certain stops up this huge mountain, the contestants put weight into their backpacks that represented the weight they lost each week. The contestants were then able to reflect and relive their thoughts and emotions from being a 'bigger' person and whatnot. It got me to thinking.
One of the contestants started talking about how the girl that started the show was not a happy person and in her unhappiness, she was actually sabotaging her weight loss efforts. It made me look deeply. I've come to the conclusion lately that I'm not the happy bubbly person that I used to be. I know that there are a lot of issues in my life right now, personal things that are dragging me down. I don't' like it, and I've actually tried to make a real effort in the last week to not let these issues totally encompass my life and my feelings. But that said, it does make me think......is that having an effect on my weight loss?
One of the other contestants then talked about all the years of being teased and made fun of for being overweight. I've laughed and proudly told people that 'I didn't experience any of that'. And I'll admit that when someone did say something I didn't care I am who I am. I've made the comment on many occasions that if someone doesn't like me because I'm fat, then that is their loss and I don't want to be friends with anyone like that anyway. BUT as boldly as I say that, I have come to the realization that my weight has embarrassed me for years. And while I didn't get too much teasing and taunting (remember, I wasn't overweight until my upper teen years and adulthood) I know that especially as an adult, I let my weight define who I am and what I do. I basically put myself in a bubble. I tried to stay as un-obtrusive as possible. Don't draw attention to myself, stay hidden. It was a total defense mechanism. Those comments do hurt, even though I only experienced a few....and I tried to avoid them.....by making myself invisible.
How do you fix this? I mean, yeah, I've lost a lot of weight. A phenomenal amount of weight, but those feelings do not disappear overnight. I realized within the last week that I am still doing it. Ironically enough, it was my camera that showed me this. I was out walking on the battlefield with my husband (I do believe it was last Saturday night). I had my camera with me and I saw some re-enactors. I snapped a picture, the one guy (a re-enactor) was doing something really cute, but when he saw me taking a picture he stopped. I snapped a few more pictures...and I actually liked the pictures. Later that night I was talking to a friend and mentioned it. My friend was like, "why didn't you ask him to do it again". I stammered out a reply. I think I said something like, "that would have required me to walk across the street!" or "I don't' like posed pictures" or something like that. Both of which are true. (and honestly even looking at this objectively I wouldn't have...because of the posing thing). But it got me to thinking, because I KNEW that I wouldn't have gone over there no matter what. I'd rather lose the shoot than go over. Why? Because I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I know he wouldn't have been angry...he was a re-enactor doing a living history on a battlefield for goodness sake! I knew that it was because I wanted to remain un-obtrusive and without a shadow of a doubt it was because of the weight issues in my life.
Heck, I still have problems even accepting the fact that I am no longer morbidly obese!
Friday, September 19, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
New meal
I try to do a new recipe or new meal at least once a week. Some weeks is just doesn't happen. Other weeks it does.
This picture if of my experimental meal for the week. For lunch today we had Rosemary Chicken with Mediterranean Brown Rice. It was actually quite tasty. When I was dishing it up, I was a bit nervous....but it was really good. Todd loved it!
I've done really well eating wise today. Point wise I actually have a few points left. According to fitday, I'm at 1335 calories for the day. I also did ride the bike for 45 this morning so I feel as if I'm on track for the day!
Bummer
Well , what can I say. I'm a little sore this morning. I'm sure that once I actually get myself up and moving that I"ll be fine though. I haven't exercised this morning yet. I decided to let myself work some kinks out first.
My weight. I was excited and anxious to step on the scales this morning. I mean, I worked like a dog yesterday. ON fitday.com I have it set up that my base metabolic burn is for a sedentary lifestyle. I figure, lets make it as hard as possible. But then I add in activity. I usually don't add in cooking and general stuff like that unless it's something I do for over 2 hours (like my day canning, etc) They say I burn about 1900 calories a day with a sedentary lifestyle. Well, I added in the digging......and the bike ride....and they say that I burned up near 3500 calories yesterday. I will say that I did eat 5 extra ww points yesterday. I also entered in my food intake into fitday, just for comparisons sake. I ate 1600 calories (actually a few over, but I can't remember the exact off the top of my head). SO my comparison was really good!
So I got on the scales........... 6/10ths of a pound up! Isn't that a hoot? I have no clue what my body is doing! Oh well, I'm just along for the ride. The only thing I can do is stay strong in my motivation and willpower!
I will say that I drank a good deal of water yesterday. I had drained my 64 ounce mug in the morning (well, all except for a little ice that was left). I had drained it a second time by dinner (including the ice that was now melted). I had a 16 oz glass of water while I made dinner and one while I ate dinner. I did drink a diet drink last night while I was on the computer. SO I would think that it SHOULDN'T be a water issue. But what else can it be????
My weight. I was excited and anxious to step on the scales this morning. I mean, I worked like a dog yesterday. ON fitday.com I have it set up that my base metabolic burn is for a sedentary lifestyle. I figure, lets make it as hard as possible. But then I add in activity. I usually don't add in cooking and general stuff like that unless it's something I do for over 2 hours (like my day canning, etc) They say I burn about 1900 calories a day with a sedentary lifestyle. Well, I added in the digging......and the bike ride....and they say that I burned up near 3500 calories yesterday. I will say that I did eat 5 extra ww points yesterday. I also entered in my food intake into fitday, just for comparisons sake. I ate 1600 calories (actually a few over, but I can't remember the exact off the top of my head). SO my comparison was really good!
So I got on the scales........... 6/10ths of a pound up! Isn't that a hoot? I have no clue what my body is doing! Oh well, I'm just along for the ride. The only thing I can do is stay strong in my motivation and willpower!
I will say that I drank a good deal of water yesterday. I had drained my 64 ounce mug in the morning (well, all except for a little ice that was left). I had drained it a second time by dinner (including the ice that was now melted). I had a 16 oz glass of water while I made dinner and one while I ate dinner. I did drink a diet drink last night while I was on the computer. SO I would think that it SHOULDN'T be a water issue. But what else can it be????
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Hard day of work
Well, I could have used this old tractor today! That's for sure. (yes, the tractor actually does still work, but it's not mine!) I had a busy and very productive day. This morning I went over to the farm to deadhead flowers. We've been saving seeds on everything we can every year. Number one it is interesting to see how the colors change a little more each year. Each year it seems as if we get a new color that we didn't have the year before. Just intriguing! Secondly, in the case of the zinnias (which is what I cut and put in the drying racks this morning) the original seeds were given to us in a garden basket gift that someone gave us for our wedding. These are our wedding zinnias. I can't let that seed stock die off now can I? (sentimental I know). After the flower/seed expedition, we came back over here to the house and got to work. I decided to dig up the garden for next year. We moved this past spring and kept the garden at the old place as it had been re-tilled and fertilized before covering it with straw for the winter. The ground was ready and waiting. (Not to mention that we didn't have time to do our garden over here.) I decided that I was going to tackle the garden area today. Get the soil turned, so I can pull out the tiller and till that ground up. That way we will be able to spread fertilizer and our summers worth of compost and get that ground ready and fertile for spring planting! SO that is exactly what I did. I laid out our garden, (paths and walkways are measured exactly to fit the riding lawn mower through! ) and I got to digging. HOURS upon HOURS later, and I was done! WOO HOOOO. Next week I'll work on the tilling!
I do believe that my husband thinks I'm crazy though. After all that digging, I came inside and rode the exercise bike. You see, my upper body was exhausted, but my lower body, while active really wasn't worn out. Soooo I fixed that. I was beat after the exercise bike. FINALLY I showered and then I was off to the kitchen to make dinner. I had my main meal at lunchtime, burritos. They are supper yummy and extremely easy to make! Todd had worked outside all day also, and I wanted to treat him to something special for dinner. SO I baked some fish for him and made some homemade biscuits and that is what he had (plus peas and watermelon). Since I don't eat fish, my plate was full of veggies. All kinds; green beans, cooked carrots, sauerkraut and peas! Watermelon for dessert....oh yes, and I had the last of the strawberries! What a yummy meal!
My weight this morning was up to 183.0. I wasn't totally surprised. I had a good bit of pasta last night and I know that sometimes affects my daily weight. :-) Anxious to see tomorrow. I mean, I can't imagine that it will not be good after eating well today and all the activity!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Not starting out the greatest!
Woke up this morning and TOdd and I headed to town to go to the gym. I had a pretty good workout and I was relaxed as Todd drove us home. I went to get out of the driveway and realized taht I had left my keys at the gym. DUH! SO I had to run up to town AGAIN to pick them up. Oh well....at least the snafu didn't interrupt my workout! I did still have time to straighten up the house and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. (does that thing ever stay clean???)
I'm tickled pink. I was able to hold my weight loss that I showed yesterday. Today I was pretty much the same. Oh I'll be honest...I was 2/10ths of a pound down. (ok, maintained........but technically a loss...lol) SO that made me pretty darn happy! I guess that second bike ride really made the difference for me in keeping that loss on my side! :-)
Not much else to report. Eating is on target for the day. I"ve planned dinner and I should be fine, with 2 points to spare for a little snack while I watch TBL. Yeah, that is terrible that I'll eat a snack while watching THAT show! LOL
I'm tickled pink. I was able to hold my weight loss that I showed yesterday. Today I was pretty much the same. Oh I'll be honest...I was 2/10ths of a pound down. (ok, maintained........but technically a loss...lol) SO that made me pretty darn happy! I guess that second bike ride really made the difference for me in keeping that loss on my side! :-)
Not much else to report. Eating is on target for the day. I"ve planned dinner and I should be fine, with 2 points to spare for a little snack while I watch TBL. Yeah, that is terrible that I'll eat a snack while watching THAT show! LOL
Monday, September 15, 2008
Monday evening chit chat
Got home from work today at 3PM. I didn't have anything to do so I hopped onto the exercise bike and rode for an hour. That added to my 55 minute ride this morning, and I think I've done pretty darn good. I did have a banana with a bit of peanut butter tonight...which pushes me over my points by 2 points, but I do believe I"ll be ok. :-)
Made dinner tonight. One of my favorite meals. I made Maple pecan chicken, green beans and sweet potato pudding. For our dessert/fruit I fried some apples. YUMMY! While we were eating dinner I had a grand thought. We are eating better foods by eating healthy. I used to be a lazy cook. Yeah, I've always liked to cook, but I was lazy. I did prepackaged stuff and took the easy route. I rarely do that anymore and you know what? I do not miss the prepackaged easy route!
Made dinner tonight. One of my favorite meals. I made Maple pecan chicken, green beans and sweet potato pudding. For our dessert/fruit I fried some apples. YUMMY! While we were eating dinner I had a grand thought. We are eating better foods by eating healthy. I used to be a lazy cook. Yeah, I've always liked to cook, but I was lazy. I did prepackaged stuff and took the easy route. I rarely do that anymore and you know what? I do not miss the prepackaged easy route!
trepidation
Yesterday evening, I was just hungry and I couldn't get a hold of myself. I had a banana with peanut butter. I actually had the points for that, so I was a-OK. But then I had a second one (about an hour or so later) and a cup of the cheesecake stuff that I made. Both were not exactly 'bad things' for me. But still, I did not have the points for them! I also had a Chinese style meal for lunch, and we all know that Chinese is super high in sodium. And if that wasn't enough, we had taco's for dinner. I did a taco salad and filled up on lots of lettuce, onions and tomatoes. I only used one taco shell (crumbled up on my salad) and about 1/4 cup of the meat (turkey). I did add a little fat free cheddar cheese, so it was pretty healthy. BUT, the sodium was high! Outrageously high for the day. So, this morning I was a bit nervous about weighing myself. I had contemplated not doing it...skipping it and going or it tomorrow. But then this morning I realized that if my weight was up, I'd know why and I would not be bothered by it at all. So I stepped onto the scales. Exactly 2 pounds gone!!!!!! Now, I did exercise, AND push mow for an hour, AND walked while shopping for a couple hours, not to mention the normal things like cooking, cleaning up and the load of laundry washed and hung on the line. 2 pounds WOO HOOO!
This puts me at exactly the weight I started with for my little 'first to lose 10 pounds challenge with my friend who's getting married in October. Whew...now I can actually start losing that 10!!!!
I've laid out my food eating plan for today. I know that because of my little splurge/binge/eat fest that I will have to be super diligent today. I know that two days of overeating (even if it is healthy options) will start to have a negative impact! So I'm set and ready for the day!
The good old sinus' are STILL acting up. Headache is back today. My cheek bones and teeth hurt...and the throat is still just feeling icky. Go away sinus issues!
This puts me at exactly the weight I started with for my little 'first to lose 10 pounds challenge with my friend who's getting married in October. Whew...now I can actually start losing that 10!!!!
I've laid out my food eating plan for today. I know that because of my little splurge/binge/eat fest that I will have to be super diligent today. I know that two days of overeating (even if it is healthy options) will start to have a negative impact! So I'm set and ready for the day!
The good old sinus' are STILL acting up. Headache is back today. My cheek bones and teeth hurt...and the throat is still just feeling icky. Go away sinus issues!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Going full steam ahead
Sunday morning! WOo hooo! I woke up early and got a 45 minute ride in first thing! My weight was just about the same as yesterday... 184.8 (2/10ths higher). So that is a good thing. I've been getting some stuff done around the house....I've mowed our yard (riding mower) and I've already got one big load of clothes on the line...the second is in the wash right now. I've calculated my foods for the day. And other than make and eat lunch, I'm pretty much ready to head to town for the day. I"m going up to my parents house. I"ll be doing their mowing today. That equals to about 45 minutes of push mowing.....which in my book equates to exercise/activity! WOO HOOO! I talked to mom and she and I are going to go consider my options for a dress for a wedding that I'm going to in early October. I have a black sundress....and a white jacket that will work. I also bought the cutest black and white polka dot sandals that I can wear (if it's not too cold....). I also have a green dress...but I would like to get a shawl or something if I end up wearing t hat. Or am I going to add a splash of color to the black dress with a different colored jacket/shawl for the black dress. Decisions decisions decisions.
My sinus headache is pretty much gone......I can feel the pressure in my head, but it's not a pounding headache, thank goodness. My throat however....not good. And I've picked up a cough. NOOOOO I do not want to be sick!
Got bit/stung by something when I was outside mowing this morning.....my arm hurts like the dickens....but oh well. Nothing I can do! :-)
Well, today's foods are super high in sodium......I know it and I know that there is nothing I can do about it (well other than eat something different...but they are stuff that has been requested by my husband....so I"ll eat them. They are not all that bad for me. I'll be under my points...but for lunch we are having a Chinese style meal.....and for dinner tacos. I'll be doing the taco salad thing again....so I'll be fine point wise...but sodium..eii yiii yiiii. Hey, at least I know about it.
Just for curiosities sake, I'm dual journal ling. I"m still keeping my journal with my weight watchers points. However, I'm entering everything into fitday.com. I've parallelled some days in the past, but I"m trying to do it for a couple weeks. It seems to me that 24 weight watchers points is about 1400 calories for me. The nice thing about this dual journal ling, fitday gives such cool reports, charts and numbers for your figures! :-)
My sinus headache is pretty much gone......I can feel the pressure in my head, but it's not a pounding headache, thank goodness. My throat however....not good. And I've picked up a cough. NOOOOO I do not want to be sick!
Got bit/stung by something when I was outside mowing this morning.....my arm hurts like the dickens....but oh well. Nothing I can do! :-)
Well, today's foods are super high in sodium......I know it and I know that there is nothing I can do about it (well other than eat something different...but they are stuff that has been requested by my husband....so I"ll eat them. They are not all that bad for me. I'll be under my points...but for lunch we are having a Chinese style meal.....and for dinner tacos. I'll be doing the taco salad thing again....so I'll be fine point wise...but sodium..eii yiii yiiii. Hey, at least I know about it.
Just for curiosities sake, I'm dual journal ling. I"m still keeping my journal with my weight watchers points. However, I'm entering everything into fitday.com. I've parallelled some days in the past, but I"m trying to do it for a couple weeks. It seems to me that 24 weight watchers points is about 1400 calories for me. The nice thing about this dual journal ling, fitday gives such cool reports, charts and numbers for your figures! :-)
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Busy Saturday
Woke up today and weighed in at 184.6. I was pretty darn happy with that! I had set the alarm early enough to exercise. So I hopped onto the exercise bike and rode for 45 minutes before getting ready to go to work. I had been planning to go to the grocery store after work and all morning I toyed around with the idea of actually stopping at the gym on the way to the grocery store and getting in another work out. Well, that didnt happen.....Todd decided to go to the store with me...and with his ear infection...makign him a bit dizzy, probably not a good thing to go to the gym. BUT, after dinner tonight I asked him to go for a walk with me. We went over to the battlefield. There were reenactors encamped at the dunker church to commemorate the anniversary of the Battle of Antietam/Sharpsburg. (later this upcoming week). I snapped a few pictures. I came home and at first wanted to kick myself because I hadn't switched my camera to monochromatic/black and white. But then decided to actually play on photoshop. Above are the results!
Did the normal grocery shopping. I came home and took care of preparing everything that could possibly be prepared in order to make this healthy eating venture as easy as possible! :-) Let me tell you, that takes time. I had to dish up two cartons of ice cream into 1/2 cup containers, cut up a watermelon, clean and cap strawberries, make lemon mousse and watergate salad (for todd), clean the grapes and something else that is escaping my memory. I also made pesto crusted chicken and homemade onion rings tonight. I've made the onion rings, but the pesto crusted chicken was a new recipe. It is definitely a keeper! :-) YUMMY!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Pain...but success
Well, this picture about sums up my day thus far. That's why I snapped the shot......thought it would be funny. Now, after having taken those pills and still no relief....it's not so funny. Last night I went to bed with a slight headache. I didn't think anything of it. I rarely get headaches anymore (surprisingly, it's one of the things that kinda dissapeared as I lost weight), but when they do come, I can usually sleep them off. So I went to bed. I woke up this morning to find that I still have a headache. Oh yes, and add a sore throat to the mix. Nothing contagious....I now know why I have a headache...sinus pressure.....and the drainage causes the sore throat. LOVELY! It's a rainy dreary day........which is causing my arthritic knees to kick up a fuss. And if those three things are not enough...the monthly ick has made it's appearance. What wonderful day! (note the sarcasm).
Excuses? Nope! I gave myself a day of rest yesterday because my body just ached and I was suffering lingering exhaustion from my marathon day of apples. But this morning, I drug myself out of bed. I got on that exercise bike and I rode 45 minutes.
My weight, dropped again......185.8. I'll take it.
Last night I never got off my butt to make my menu or do my grocery list. The biggest thing I did was pull out some ground turkey from the freezer for the chili that I plan on making when I get off of work tonight. I did bring my stuff with me today. I've made up the menu for next week. I'm actually very statisfied with what we are having this coming up week. I really do think I'll be able to navigate this week of eating at home fairly well. Some weeks Todd makes requests for certain meals that while they are super tasty....are just soooo hard to navigate.....simply becasue portion control is something that I struggle with. But anyway, grocery list is made, I just have to check a few more things at home to finalize the list and I'll be good to go.
Sitting here at work......twiddling my thumbs, hoping for the day to progess onward in a fast manner. 4 hours and 45 minutes left. I'll pull out my journal here soon. I"ve kept a hard copy of this whole weight loss journal (it actually goes further back than the beginning of this blog). I'm in the process of rereading it. It' been interesting. I forgot about certain events and happenings that are actually pretty big. Things like, if I allow a waitress to rush me, I tend to slip back into old habits and order the first thing that catches my eye, which is not usually the healthy item. And I'm remembering feeling and emotions that I had when I reached certain goals and victories. I am actually somewhat dreading the time when I get to this last year....because what a shame, I've really sat on the fence for the past year and have gone NO-WHERE with this weight loss journey. Wel, wait, that's not true. I have continued to learn little aspects and idiosincracies about myself as I progress onward in this new lifestyle. SO it hasn't all been a loss.......I've learned to 'maintain' and I can sit back and relax a bit knowing that I wil be able to maintain my weight. (not that it's going to be easy...but I can do it....as I've proved this last year).
Ok all deep thoughts and reflections are just not going to happen anymore with this sinus aching head!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
My weight jumped back up to 186.6 this morning. Not too worried, I ate really late last night (uhhh 10:30PM) and TOM is right around the corner. So, I'm sure if I continue to follow the plan that things in diet world....ooops healthy lifestyle world will right themselves!
I didn't exercise today. This morning I ached something fierce. TOnight I still ache, but I'm also dead tired. BUT, I have done stellar with my eating! :-)
I need to summon the energy to work on our menu and grocery list. Our fridge is bare! :-) There is plenty here to eat...but we are just pretty much out of fresh fruit (not to worry, I have a bit of applesauce..amongst other things) and perishables are running low. :-) But that's typical for the end of the week!
I didn't exercise today. This morning I ached something fierce. TOnight I still ache, but I'm also dead tired. BUT, I have done stellar with my eating! :-)
I need to summon the energy to work on our menu and grocery list. Our fridge is bare! :-) There is plenty here to eat...but we are just pretty much out of fresh fruit (not to worry, I have a bit of applesauce..amongst other things) and perishables are running low. :-) But that's typical for the end of the week!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Hard work ahead
Well, I didn't get any formal exercise in today. But I worked my tail end off from about 9AM until just a few minutes ago (10:30). I made applesauce today. It's been hanging over my head, so when Todd told me this morning that he was going to work on the insulation (we are adding/updating some insulation at our place) I knew that I had a full day to do it. Hard work. But 3 bushels done! :-)
I stayed right within points. At one point, I really struggled. I was so tempted to get a granola bar. (we jokingly call them crack, because once you have a bite, you want more!) But I didn't. I didn't need it. I actually would have ended teh day with a ton of leftover points. But I just had a sandwich...even though it's late. I ate minimally today. I was too busy with my apples. :-)
results of day two
Well, my weight was exactly the same today. I'm not upset. Even though I chose a healthier option for lunch (doing a big salad instead of eating a gazillion tacos), it still was higher sodium foods. So I"m not going to worry about it. :-) If I continue watching closely, the weight will drop.
Who knows what today will hold. Todd and I are both off of work. However the work that we have to do here around the house is stuff that we need everything dry for and since we had a lot of rain yesterday, I"m thinking that we are not going to work around the house. Hmmmmmm what to do?????
Who knows what today will hold. Todd and I are both off of work. However the work that we have to do here around the house is stuff that we need everything dry for and since we had a lot of rain yesterday, I"m thinking that we are not going to work around the house. Hmmmmmm what to do?????
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
A before and after picture of me as requested. :-)
Should I label them...or are they self explanatory? LOL
Nice little update. Day two went well. I did come up with an excuse early this morning as to why I shouldn't exercise first thing. And then it haunted me all day.....I came home and before I even ate dinner I exercised. Yea me! I have kept my eating under control. I did splurge a bit...I did have the daily points....I had a banana, 1/2 cup of 2 point ice cream, and a little chocolate syrup. That was the end of my daily points. And I am still feeling full from that snack! BUT I made it another day!
No excuses!
have been doing much soul searching recently as I have been stuck at the same weight for over a year. This weight loss journey has been a wonderful trip, and I'm grateful for being able to say that I have lost 130 pounds. HOWEVER, I finally faced the fact that I have not been giving it my all. I have used excuses to eat more, excuses to not exercise religiously. I've decided that I do want to continue this journey. I have to continue it for me. I want to prove that I can take it the whole way and I want to see the woman that I become as I finish this exciting journey. SO this morning when I grabbed a tee shirt and realized that THIS is the one that I grabbed, I thought it was very Apropos and I KNEW that it had to be my picture for the day for the envisage 365 project. The tee shirt says, " You could ride off a cliff and die. You could get lost and die. You could hit a tree and die. Of you could stay at home, and fall off the couch and die." No more excuses!
Empowered
First of all, the lemon strawberry mousse dessert is fabulous! Very easy to make, low points! I made it for a pot luck for my co-workers one Friday...that day I gave the recipe out to my 5 co-workers at their request. On Monday 3 of them came to work and told me that they made it over the weekend. It is that yummy, and can stand as it's own dessert without the fruit. You can find the recipe here!
That brings me to my next announcement. I've FINALLY decided to start posting recipes and yummy tips somewhere on the Internet! I had toyed with the idea of doing an actual web page. And while that idea still hasn't gone away, I am not a web-page designer....and I quickly got frustrated! (I'll pick it back up someday and conquer that challenge!). Well, I finally just decided to do it blog style. I've put about 8 entries or so on thus far. Most are recipes...one is just an idea/alternative. I have a few tips and I will not be adverse to putting products on there. Anything that the self proclaimed food junkie that I am, deems good stuff! :-) So feel free to check out my food blog! I've aptly named it Maryfrans Menu! :-) Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not a genius when it comes to creating names! I am not a fancy gourmet cook. I cook home style with more normal every day ingredients (hey what can I say, I come from a family that owned and operated a diner for YEARS). I have always gotten so disgusted when I open a 'healthy' cookbook and see all these fancy shamncy ingredients. There is a time and place for that......but what if you don't like those things? What if you are just an average every day ordinary person that is cooking for family, and one that has some picky eaters that won't eat tofu and mushrooms just to name a few things that seem to be in TONS of healthy recipes! (yeah, I'm the picky eater...my husband eats all that stuff!). This is my answer!
OK, on to the big issues of recent days. I feel very empowered. I made it through yesterday with flying colors! I did have a bit of a problem this morning. I did not exercise. I do however plan on doing that tonight. Todd won't be home until 8 or 9, so I'm planning on riding the exercise bike when I get home...BEFORE dinner! (which will also push dinner a bit later into the evening, which will mean less time for me to have to resist getting a snack!) I made my plan for lunch, taco's were on the menu. I know that without a plan, I will eat as many as 6 tacos (I would have stopped there today....that's half of the box....my 'portion'.....and by the time you put meat and cheese and all the good stuff on each taco, you're talking about 2-3 points per taco!) I made a taco salad instead....filling up on the lettuce, tomatoes and onions (beware co-workers...it's a good thing I'm working at the drive through window today.....glass between me and my customers!) and putting minimal meat and cheese on top! I am quite satisfied, I got the taste of taco and I didn't blow my points!
My weight......dropped today from 186.6 to 185.4. I was expecting it. Yesterday I started drinking my water religiously again. And round about 4 PM, my body finally decided to get rid of the water that it was holding on to for emergencies sake. Yes, I used the bathroom literally every 15-30 minutes from 4PM until about 9PM. At that point it slowed down....but I still got up to go to the bathroom about 5 times throughout the night (I usually do not have to go at all in the night!) But it's good...my body is being flushed out! :-)Tonight I'll be on my own for dinner. I believe I can do well on my own. I'll eat mostly fruits and veggies, so no problem there.
That brings me to my next announcement. I've FINALLY decided to start posting recipes and yummy tips somewhere on the Internet! I had toyed with the idea of doing an actual web page. And while that idea still hasn't gone away, I am not a web-page designer....and I quickly got frustrated! (I'll pick it back up someday and conquer that challenge!). Well, I finally just decided to do it blog style. I've put about 8 entries or so on thus far. Most are recipes...one is just an idea/alternative. I have a few tips and I will not be adverse to putting products on there. Anything that the self proclaimed food junkie that I am, deems good stuff! :-) So feel free to check out my food blog! I've aptly named it Maryfrans Menu! :-) Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not a genius when it comes to creating names! I am not a fancy gourmet cook. I cook home style with more normal every day ingredients (hey what can I say, I come from a family that owned and operated a diner for YEARS). I have always gotten so disgusted when I open a 'healthy' cookbook and see all these fancy shamncy ingredients. There is a time and place for that......but what if you don't like those things? What if you are just an average every day ordinary person that is cooking for family, and one that has some picky eaters that won't eat tofu and mushrooms just to name a few things that seem to be in TONS of healthy recipes! (yeah, I'm the picky eater...my husband eats all that stuff!). This is my answer!
OK, on to the big issues of recent days. I feel very empowered. I made it through yesterday with flying colors! I did have a bit of a problem this morning. I did not exercise. I do however plan on doing that tonight. Todd won't be home until 8 or 9, so I'm planning on riding the exercise bike when I get home...BEFORE dinner! (which will also push dinner a bit later into the evening, which will mean less time for me to have to resist getting a snack!) I made my plan for lunch, taco's were on the menu. I know that without a plan, I will eat as many as 6 tacos (I would have stopped there today....that's half of the box....my 'portion'.....and by the time you put meat and cheese and all the good stuff on each taco, you're talking about 2-3 points per taco!) I made a taco salad instead....filling up on the lettuce, tomatoes and onions (beware co-workers...it's a good thing I'm working at the drive through window today.....glass between me and my customers!) and putting minimal meat and cheese on top! I am quite satisfied, I got the taste of taco and I didn't blow my points!
My weight......dropped today from 186.6 to 185.4. I was expecting it. Yesterday I started drinking my water religiously again. And round about 4 PM, my body finally decided to get rid of the water that it was holding on to for emergencies sake. Yes, I used the bathroom literally every 15-30 minutes from 4PM until about 9PM. At that point it slowed down....but I still got up to go to the bathroom about 5 times throughout the night (I usually do not have to go at all in the night!) But it's good...my body is being flushed out! :-)Tonight I'll be on my own for dinner. I believe I can do well on my own. I'll eat mostly fruits and veggies, so no problem there.
Monday, September 08, 2008
Last minute update before bed!
First of all.....that dessert is sooooo yummy! :-) (healthy too)
I just wanted to say that I made it through today. I ate healthy, I exercised and I was 100% with it. Taking it one day at a time, this was a successful day!
I'm actually even a bit excited about working the program again. I was feeling tenative about writing that...but I think that I needed to write it.
Thanks to everyone that has been there today while I did some soul-searching and self discovery!
Why?
Why did I start this journey? What motivated me to get my butt off the sofa and lose weight?
For this I will go back and retype soemthing that I wrote back before I even started this blog......
As the new year rolled around, I started looking deeply at my life. The year was 2003. I had just turned 30 years old and I was at my highest weight yet, all 330 pounds of me. I was experiencing weight related problems. Me knees were constantly hurting and making a lot of noise. There were nights when I couldn't sleep due to the pain in my knees. My stomach was starting to literally fal over the top of my pants so badly that my stomach was rubbing agaisnt the button of my pants. This led to a collection of sores and blood blisters on my protuding stomach. They would continue to rub and then bleed. FOr months I bandaged my stomach so that the raw skin wouldn't be irritated further. Bigger pants, the belly still overflowed.....it made no difference. I was noticing that I was panting and struggling when I climbed a set of stairs. All in all, my body was telling me that I was overweight and in dire straights. Uppermost in my mind though, was the fact that I had just turned 30. I had always talked about having children. Turning 30 really hit me. When I was in my 20's I always thought, "Well, I"m overweight...but I've got youth on my side. But when I hit 30 I worried because I now had two distinct strikes against me. Both of these things would conspire to prevent me from conceiving and carrying a healthy child full term when that special time came in my life. I decided to lose weight.............
I did lose about 50 pounds at that point....and fell off the wagon. Thankfully I was able to maintain most of that weight loss until I got serious again, which was at the very beginning of 2006. Here is an excerpt from this blog from early 2006
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Why is this so important now?
I have been overweight for years. I remember when I was young. I was not overweight. I was actually rather petite and small. My family moved from Pennyslvania to Florida when I was 12 years old. I wore a size 6...and I remember, I was so upset to go to that six. Suddenly; within the first year of moving, I gained weight. They said it was a combination of the 'culture shock' and me hitting those wonderful years that we all have to go through. However, my weight slowly crept up through high school. I went to college and it was probably one of the best times for my weight. I was always on the go.....for a while we exercised religiously at the "Y" (thanks Suzy and Rach....it was actually fun to go with ya'll) True, the Dairy Queen beckoned on the way back to the dorm...but I was so active that I was actually at one of my lowest weights in years. 214. I cringe when I see that......214 pounds was a good weight in my mind??? I left college and the weight started slowly creeping back on. I didn't work on it...I just let it happen. I had one time where I was close to my college weight...but it was due to a stressful job....NOT worth it. AND the downside.....when I left the job and the stress was alleviated....the weight returned with a vengence. When I say with a vengence, I not only returned me to my 'pre-stress job' weight...I added about 40 more pounds extra.I turned thirty and panicked! I wanted to have a baby someday. I had always had one 'strike' against me. I was big...it would make a full term/healthy pregnancy/baby more difficult. BUt I always had 'youth' on my side. All of a sudden I had that "I'm in my thirties, I'm getting old" moment. I started working on my weight...and got myself back down to my 240. I plataued....and I have sat at 240-250 for the last 2-3 years. During those last few years I've made half hearted attempts to kick start this process. However I just couldn't do it. Sadly enough, it is/was watching my mother struggle. She is a few years shy of 60 and she is struggling with her weight. It is terrible to see.....her health and her very life are contingent on her weight. I know that she has been lucky...it has only been in the last few years that these 'weight related' health issues have really surfaced. However, they are here and they are attacking! Typical mother, even as she struggles, she worries about my husband and I. She doesn't want us to go through what she is going through....and she knows it will most likely happen to us if we don't get this excess weight off.Just recently it hit me. This weight is going to kill me. Not tomorrow...or the next day (hopefully). But eventually, it could very easily catch me in it's clutches. I can't let that happen. I have to fight!For the last few years I have said..."well, if I get down to to 175 pounds I think that would be great". Just recently, I decided that was cutting myself short. Honestly, if I get there and just can't get it futher, I'm going to consider myself a sucess. However, I'm aiming more for what they "SAY" I should weigh....SO I am aiming for roughly 150... 100 pounds!
SO, where does that leave me? Todd and I still talk about having a family......even as we get older (I'll be 36 in a few short months). I still know that higher weight and poor habits could kill me. But I've eliminated a lot of the risks that higher weight brings for those issues. Now it is plain and simple something I have to do for me. Two seasons ago on the Biggest Loser Bob Harper (or was it three seasons? Oh whatever) the trainer was flabergasted because one of the pair of contestants gave up half way through a challenge and quit saying "we can't win, we'll be here forever" and they gave up. Bob's face was just absolutely shocked and his words stuck with me. They were, "why start something if you are not going to finish it". THAT is where I'm at....I started this journey, I need to finish it for me. That is the one and only reason! And it's the biggest reason a person could ever have. Honestly, this reason is probably more important that getting pregnant and having a baby or anything. I'm doing it for me!
For this I will go back and retype soemthing that I wrote back before I even started this blog......
As the new year rolled around, I started looking deeply at my life. The year was 2003. I had just turned 30 years old and I was at my highest weight yet, all 330 pounds of me. I was experiencing weight related problems. Me knees were constantly hurting and making a lot of noise. There were nights when I couldn't sleep due to the pain in my knees. My stomach was starting to literally fal over the top of my pants so badly that my stomach was rubbing agaisnt the button of my pants. This led to a collection of sores and blood blisters on my protuding stomach. They would continue to rub and then bleed. FOr months I bandaged my stomach so that the raw skin wouldn't be irritated further. Bigger pants, the belly still overflowed.....it made no difference. I was noticing that I was panting and struggling when I climbed a set of stairs. All in all, my body was telling me that I was overweight and in dire straights. Uppermost in my mind though, was the fact that I had just turned 30. I had always talked about having children. Turning 30 really hit me. When I was in my 20's I always thought, "Well, I"m overweight...but I've got youth on my side. But when I hit 30 I worried because I now had two distinct strikes against me. Both of these things would conspire to prevent me from conceiving and carrying a healthy child full term when that special time came in my life. I decided to lose weight.............
I did lose about 50 pounds at that point....and fell off the wagon. Thankfully I was able to maintain most of that weight loss until I got serious again, which was at the very beginning of 2006. Here is an excerpt from this blog from early 2006
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Why is this so important now?
I have been overweight for years. I remember when I was young. I was not overweight. I was actually rather petite and small. My family moved from Pennyslvania to Florida when I was 12 years old. I wore a size 6...and I remember, I was so upset to go to that six. Suddenly; within the first year of moving, I gained weight. They said it was a combination of the 'culture shock' and me hitting those wonderful years that we all have to go through. However, my weight slowly crept up through high school. I went to college and it was probably one of the best times for my weight. I was always on the go.....for a while we exercised religiously at the "Y" (thanks Suzy and Rach....it was actually fun to go with ya'll) True, the Dairy Queen beckoned on the way back to the dorm...but I was so active that I was actually at one of my lowest weights in years. 214. I cringe when I see that......214 pounds was a good weight in my mind??? I left college and the weight started slowly creeping back on. I didn't work on it...I just let it happen. I had one time where I was close to my college weight...but it was due to a stressful job....NOT worth it. AND the downside.....when I left the job and the stress was alleviated....the weight returned with a vengence. When I say with a vengence, I not only returned me to my 'pre-stress job' weight...I added about 40 more pounds extra.I turned thirty and panicked! I wanted to have a baby someday. I had always had one 'strike' against me. I was big...it would make a full term/healthy pregnancy/baby more difficult. BUt I always had 'youth' on my side. All of a sudden I had that "I'm in my thirties, I'm getting old" moment. I started working on my weight...and got myself back down to my 240. I plataued....and I have sat at 240-250 for the last 2-3 years. During those last few years I've made half hearted attempts to kick start this process. However I just couldn't do it. Sadly enough, it is/was watching my mother struggle. She is a few years shy of 60 and she is struggling with her weight. It is terrible to see.....her health and her very life are contingent on her weight. I know that she has been lucky...it has only been in the last few years that these 'weight related' health issues have really surfaced. However, they are here and they are attacking! Typical mother, even as she struggles, she worries about my husband and I. She doesn't want us to go through what she is going through....and she knows it will most likely happen to us if we don't get this excess weight off.Just recently it hit me. This weight is going to kill me. Not tomorrow...or the next day (hopefully). But eventually, it could very easily catch me in it's clutches. I can't let that happen. I have to fight!For the last few years I have said..."well, if I get down to to 175 pounds I think that would be great". Just recently, I decided that was cutting myself short. Honestly, if I get there and just can't get it futher, I'm going to consider myself a sucess. However, I'm aiming more for what they "SAY" I should weigh....SO I am aiming for roughly 150... 100 pounds!
SO, where does that leave me? Todd and I still talk about having a family......even as we get older (I'll be 36 in a few short months). I still know that higher weight and poor habits could kill me. But I've eliminated a lot of the risks that higher weight brings for those issues. Now it is plain and simple something I have to do for me. Two seasons ago on the Biggest Loser Bob Harper (or was it three seasons? Oh whatever) the trainer was flabergasted because one of the pair of contestants gave up half way through a challenge and quit saying "we can't win, we'll be here forever" and they gave up. Bob's face was just absolutely shocked and his words stuck with me. They were, "why start something if you are not going to finish it". THAT is where I'm at....I started this journey, I need to finish it for me. That is the one and only reason! And it's the biggest reason a person could ever have. Honestly, this reason is probably more important that getting pregnant and having a baby or anything. I'm doing it for me!
Thoughts, plans, goals and a little soul-searching
Let me get the bad and the ugly with first and foremost. I weighed in this morning at 186.6. YIKES! That is abominable! Utterly disgusting and sickening! That is way up! Much more than I prefer....I'm in the danger zone. (anything outside of 5 pounds from my lowest weight is danger done!!!!)
So I started really thinking deeply about where I am, where I want to be, and what has brought me to this point (long term and this short term situation). I've come up with a couple things.
The first thing is excuses. I use them way too much. If I work outside hard I use it as an excuse, "ohhh I worked hard, that means that I can have a little extra food, even though it's over my daily points". I also use the excuse in the morning. I had been so diligent about exercising first thing in the morning. I've gotten out of that habit. My excuse? "Well, Todd and I are planning on working outside this afternoon when I get off of work, I don't want to over do it". That is an excuse. There is no guarantee that we will work outside, and many times something comes up so that we end up NOT working outside or going for that 'walk' or 'ride' or whatever. I need to simply get my butt moving, do the exercise in the morning and get it over with. If I'm LUCKY, those tentative plans to work outside (manual labor/activity) or a walk, or a ride will materialize and I'll get a double workout that day! Working out twice is NOT going to hurt me!
Secondly, when my daily points are gone, I am done! No ifs ands or buts. I realized a long time ago in this journey with Weight Watchers that unfortunately, my body does not lose weight if I eat those 35 flex points. It just doesn't happen. These last weeks, I've not been bad. I've gone over my daily points by 3-5 a day. That should be perfect.......it's the flex points that I have at my disposal....but I gain! I can not eat them. So I need to eradicate them from my mind. If I DO eat something after that point, it sure as heck better be a zero point food item! Basically, when my dailies are done...I'm done. Period, end of story!
Next, WATER WATER WATER! The last few days I've been TERRIBLE with water! One day last week (Thursday) I was actually thirsty and I couldn't drink enough water! That is not a good position to be in. They say that by the time that you are thirsty, that you are already dehydrated! I tried to drink a lot the next day....but I don't' think I made a dent in the dehydration (just from watching for and knowing what to expect when I do start drinking and when my body does seem to finally agree that I'm giving it enough water). So Friday I did fairly well......and then Saturday came. I don't think I even drank 10 ounces of water. I did drink a can of diet Sunkist and I had a diet Pepsi at dinner....oh and lets not forget the chai latte that I had! What is up with that? Those are TREATS......a treat that I give myself when I've finished my water for the day!!! That is a steadfast rule!!! Sunday I did a little better. I did pretty much get 64 ounces down.....but I'm still watching and waiting for my body to give me the sign that it trusts me to drink enough water......it hasn't happened yet. I'm floating on at least 5 days of dehydration......with one or two days of attempts to end that situation stuck in there. DRINK DRINK DRINK!
I guess when I look at it and if I'm honest with myself I can say that I'm tired. I get tired of being diligent. So I slip up...my weight goes up a bit, it scares me, so I am diligent and get it back down a bit. And then the cycle starts again. I was hoping that my wager with my friend would help.....in the first 4 days, I've gained about 4 pounds! Uhhh what's wrong with that picture???? It's not the weight watcher program that is not working. It's me. I'm not working the program. Weight watchers works! I know what to do. I know what needs to be done and I'm doing it.......somewhat half-heartedly. But to have weight watchers actually work, it takes more than knowing what to do. It takes actually DOING it! Yes, it's been a good thing to see my results from this last year...to realize that I am pretty much maintain my current weight loss. However, I'm tired of sitting on the fence! I've been sitting here way too long. I need to decide which way I'm going to go. Am I going to lose more, or am I done?
I do not want to be done......I just need to get my head totally back in the right place......100% of the time. OK, I'm human 95% of the time!
So I started really thinking deeply about where I am, where I want to be, and what has brought me to this point (long term and this short term situation). I've come up with a couple things.
The first thing is excuses. I use them way too much. If I work outside hard I use it as an excuse, "ohhh I worked hard, that means that I can have a little extra food, even though it's over my daily points". I also use the excuse in the morning. I had been so diligent about exercising first thing in the morning. I've gotten out of that habit. My excuse? "Well, Todd and I are planning on working outside this afternoon when I get off of work, I don't want to over do it". That is an excuse. There is no guarantee that we will work outside, and many times something comes up so that we end up NOT working outside or going for that 'walk' or 'ride' or whatever. I need to simply get my butt moving, do the exercise in the morning and get it over with. If I'm LUCKY, those tentative plans to work outside (manual labor/activity) or a walk, or a ride will materialize and I'll get a double workout that day! Working out twice is NOT going to hurt me!
Secondly, when my daily points are gone, I am done! No ifs ands or buts. I realized a long time ago in this journey with Weight Watchers that unfortunately, my body does not lose weight if I eat those 35 flex points. It just doesn't happen. These last weeks, I've not been bad. I've gone over my daily points by 3-5 a day. That should be perfect.......it's the flex points that I have at my disposal....but I gain! I can not eat them. So I need to eradicate them from my mind. If I DO eat something after that point, it sure as heck better be a zero point food item! Basically, when my dailies are done...I'm done. Period, end of story!
Next, WATER WATER WATER! The last few days I've been TERRIBLE with water! One day last week (Thursday) I was actually thirsty and I couldn't drink enough water! That is not a good position to be in. They say that by the time that you are thirsty, that you are already dehydrated! I tried to drink a lot the next day....but I don't' think I made a dent in the dehydration (just from watching for and knowing what to expect when I do start drinking and when my body does seem to finally agree that I'm giving it enough water). So Friday I did fairly well......and then Saturday came. I don't think I even drank 10 ounces of water. I did drink a can of diet Sunkist and I had a diet Pepsi at dinner....oh and lets not forget the chai latte that I had! What is up with that? Those are TREATS......a treat that I give myself when I've finished my water for the day!!! That is a steadfast rule!!! Sunday I did a little better. I did pretty much get 64 ounces down.....but I'm still watching and waiting for my body to give me the sign that it trusts me to drink enough water......it hasn't happened yet. I'm floating on at least 5 days of dehydration......with one or two days of attempts to end that situation stuck in there. DRINK DRINK DRINK!
I guess when I look at it and if I'm honest with myself I can say that I'm tired. I get tired of being diligent. So I slip up...my weight goes up a bit, it scares me, so I am diligent and get it back down a bit. And then the cycle starts again. I was hoping that my wager with my friend would help.....in the first 4 days, I've gained about 4 pounds! Uhhh what's wrong with that picture???? It's not the weight watcher program that is not working. It's me. I'm not working the program. Weight watchers works! I know what to do. I know what needs to be done and I'm doing it.......somewhat half-heartedly. But to have weight watchers actually work, it takes more than knowing what to do. It takes actually DOING it! Yes, it's been a good thing to see my results from this last year...to realize that I am pretty much maintain my current weight loss. However, I'm tired of sitting on the fence! I've been sitting here way too long. I need to decide which way I'm going to go. Am I going to lose more, or am I done?
I do not want to be done......I just need to get my head totally back in the right place......100% of the time. OK, I'm human 95% of the time!
Sunday, September 07, 2008
picking up the pieces...AGAIN
I did so dang good today. I kept my points under control. I ate dinner and I actually had 3 points leftover. NOT so after I had a banana with peanut butter and a sliver of the dessert that Todd made (basically pudding in a chocolate crust). ARRGGGHHH!!!!! I was so proud of myself and then I totally lost it! Where is my motivation? Where is my will power? No, better yet, what the heck am I thinking??????????????
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