Ok...got home from work at about two-thirty. I sat around and talked to Todd a bit until he left at about three. I motivated myself to get outside and mow the yard. I was out on the mower until about 4. I came in and putzed around for the next half hour to 45 minutes which is when I left to go to my weight watchers meeting. TOdd and I had decided for me to go to the early weight watcher meeting while he was volunteering at the soup kitchen. I would then stick around and chit chat with my normal meeting mates when the came in until he was done...and then we would meet up for dinner. We went to Corsi's. IT was very good!
SOOOOOO now that I have wasted all this time......lets cut to the chase. My most unrealistic (yet still plausible with a long stretch of my imagination...hopes and dresams) was for me to make it to the 170's. I thought that after the icing incident that it was shot. This morning I kinda hoped, but I didn't want to think about it too overly much. Well, tonight I weighed in at 179.8. I squeeked into the 170's! I made it. Now I've just got to STAY here! I can do it! And I will do it! These last two weeks have been collosal weeks of weight loss for me. I know and fully expect my weight loss to slow down a bit. I'm ok with that...as long as it remains going down nice and steady! This also puts me at 15 pounds from my weight watchers goal!!! Woo hooo! I'm rolling now! :-)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
First we'll talk about something that I just found...then we'll get to my weight and how I'm doing.
I'm at work today and I'm just killing time. I decided to go online and take an IQ test. I'm always fascinated to see if the results are close to where they should be (yeah, I've had my IQ officially tested a few times in the past). Well, I got bored taking IQ tests online (yeah, they tested me relatively close to my official iq...one was 10-15 points lower (this one also timed how long it took me for my responses.....and since I'm at work having to stop to attend to customers, that would account for that). The other one put me at about 6-7 points low...so that's not too bad). OK...anyway...I moved on to personality tests, talents tests and all sorts of things like that. I'm apparently very verbal (duh) and very creative and adventurous. Well, I took a temptation test. And I actually answered the food temptation questions really good....because right now I'm hot on the eating scene. This was my results:
Maryfran, when it comes to temptation you're a Hedonist
It has become apparent that the word "no" is not one you use too often. In fact, it seems you just might have replaced it with "sure," "pour it on," and "I'll take it." As a Hedonist, you probably see no reason to put limits on pleasure. When the little angel of your conscience arrives on your shoulder to challenge your indulgent side, it's usually knocked off by that little devil who's never too far away from your decisions.It seems that extravagance to you is a way of life, not an isolated event. And discipline is a punishment that you choose not to employ — it's overrated anyway. All this good stuff is here for a reason, right? Someone's gotta have fun with it and you only live once!
Woah, does that explain why I was able to eat my way up to 300 plus pounds? And that's kinda scary that I apparently have no control over my temptations! woah doggie!
On to my weight. I weighed myself this morning. I was 180.6. So I'm ok. I was hoping to make it to the 170's this week. BUt you know...there is always next week! (Not to mention that the official weigh in hasn't occured yet...not that I expect a miracle..but you never know...sometimes it does weigh me less at my meeting!) I think I'm going to go to the early meeting. I work until 2 today...so I can make an earlier meeting. Todd volunteers at the soup kitchen tonight. SO since we will both be in town, we are thinking about meeting up afterwards and going out to dinner. It means that tomorrow on our day off that we will stay closer to home.....and eat at home...thus saving a extra trip to town! Which isn't a problem. But since we are already both going to be in town tonight, it just makes sense! :-)
I've been doing very good with the weight thing. Other than the other day, I've managed to pull myself together and keep it under control. :-) WOo hooo. Haven't exercised today...but then I wasn't plannign on it...a I do need a day of rest. SOOOOO anyway!
I'm at work today and I'm just killing time. I decided to go online and take an IQ test. I'm always fascinated to see if the results are close to where they should be (yeah, I've had my IQ officially tested a few times in the past). Well, I got bored taking IQ tests online (yeah, they tested me relatively close to my official iq...one was 10-15 points lower (this one also timed how long it took me for my responses.....and since I'm at work having to stop to attend to customers, that would account for that). The other one put me at about 6-7 points low...so that's not too bad). OK...anyway...I moved on to personality tests, talents tests and all sorts of things like that. I'm apparently very verbal (duh) and very creative and adventurous. Well, I took a temptation test. And I actually answered the food temptation questions really good....because right now I'm hot on the eating scene. This was my results:
Maryfran, when it comes to temptation you're a Hedonist
It has become apparent that the word "no" is not one you use too often. In fact, it seems you just might have replaced it with "sure," "pour it on," and "I'll take it." As a Hedonist, you probably see no reason to put limits on pleasure. When the little angel of your conscience arrives on your shoulder to challenge your indulgent side, it's usually knocked off by that little devil who's never too far away from your decisions.It seems that extravagance to you is a way of life, not an isolated event. And discipline is a punishment that you choose not to employ — it's overrated anyway. All this good stuff is here for a reason, right? Someone's gotta have fun with it and you only live once!
Woah, does that explain why I was able to eat my way up to 300 plus pounds? And that's kinda scary that I apparently have no control over my temptations! woah doggie!
On to my weight. I weighed myself this morning. I was 180.6. So I'm ok. I was hoping to make it to the 170's this week. BUt you know...there is always next week! (Not to mention that the official weigh in hasn't occured yet...not that I expect a miracle..but you never know...sometimes it does weigh me less at my meeting!) I think I'm going to go to the early meeting. I work until 2 today...so I can make an earlier meeting. Todd volunteers at the soup kitchen tonight. SO since we will both be in town, we are thinking about meeting up afterwards and going out to dinner. It means that tomorrow on our day off that we will stay closer to home.....and eat at home...thus saving a extra trip to town! Which isn't a problem. But since we are already both going to be in town tonight, it just makes sense! :-)
I've been doing very good with the weight thing. Other than the other day, I've managed to pull myself together and keep it under control. :-) WOo hooo. Haven't exercised today...but then I wasn't plannign on it...a I do need a day of rest. SOOOOO anyway!
Monday, May 12, 2008
I woke up this morning, and saw my new dress hanging where I had placed it yesterday (yep, too lazy to put it the 'whole' way into the closet..lol). I stretched and simply smiled. You know...I'm NOT a ten. I know it. Probably if you looked at me, you'd know it. But I bought a size ten article of clothing. ME! Mom was talking and she thinks I"ll end up being around a size then when this is all over. That has honestly been my thought from day one. I"m not sure though. I've stll got about 20 pounds to go to get to my weight watchers goal. And then i want to go 10-15 pounds further for my own personal goal. But yeah, I expect to be about an 8 -10. Like I said...absolutely crazy.
Meanwhile, I think I"m becoming addicted to shopping. What's up with this? And I'm buying more feminine clothes...which is not the 'old me'. I know that part of it is that I can actually fit into nice looking clothes and I actually look pretty good in them. (well, better than I did before...lol). It is a rush to be able to walk into any store at the mall and pick up something off the rack and try it on. AND, not have to sort through rack after rack of granny looking clothes to find something that looks somewhat youthful in the fat womens clothing stores/areas. It is a rush to be able to look at a size on a tag and go...woah, that's me! I'm not sure my mind is in total belief yet...but it's coming around.
Meanwhile, it's POURING down rain! It's coming down in buckets! NOt that I'm complaining. No, quite the contrary, I like the rain. HOWEVER, I am not at all happy with the drop in temperature that has accompanied this rain. EWWWWW
Meanwhile, I think I"m becoming addicted to shopping. What's up with this? And I'm buying more feminine clothes...which is not the 'old me'. I know that part of it is that I can actually fit into nice looking clothes and I actually look pretty good in them. (well, better than I did before...lol). It is a rush to be able to walk into any store at the mall and pick up something off the rack and try it on. AND, not have to sort through rack after rack of granny looking clothes to find something that looks somewhat youthful in the fat womens clothing stores/areas. It is a rush to be able to look at a size on a tag and go...woah, that's me! I'm not sure my mind is in total belief yet...but it's coming around.
Meanwhile, it's POURING down rain! It's coming down in buckets! NOt that I'm complaining. No, quite the contrary, I like the rain. HOWEVER, I am not at all happy with the drop in temperature that has accompanied this rain. EWWWWW
Sunday, May 11, 2008
TEN
Another recent pic of me. I realized that I have next to no pictures of me. That is not cool!Well....today was a BLOCKBUSTER day. I went shopping again. I found the most adorable sundress. I was absolutely adorable. And on sale. I tried on the 12. That's the size that I wear right now. Well....I tried it on and it just didn'tseem to fit quite right...a bit loose. LOOSE???? Well, for a giggle I decided to try on the next lower size. I had no hope of it fitting...but I thought it would be neat to see how close I was to actually wearing a 10. Well, I got it into the fitting room and tried it on. It fit PERFECTLY! A TEN! 10! Neun! Diez! Dix! X!!! Amazing! I was goign to buy it even as a 12. BUT to be able to buy a ten!!!! WOAH Doggie!!!!!! Unbelievable
!
Reflections on the icing incident
Now that I am sufficiently awake and able to really reflect upon the icing squirting incident I just want to kick myself. WHY in the world would I act like such a pig. Yeah, that is such a piggish thing to do. As previously mentioned, I am not going to weight myself today. I thought about it...but decided against it! I'm going to simply be good and work to eradicate any badness that the icing incident did to my body.
BUT that brings me to my thoughts this morning. What brought this on. I was so determined to make it through this with flying colors! I can definitely say that if Todd were at home and in the living room, visible from where I was. HEck even the threat of him walking in, I probably would not have done it! THat's not too shocking, I know that I have a tendency to be a closet eater. I don't want anyone seeing me make a total hog of myself. (so I blog about it for anyone to see...there's reason eh?). Number two, I know that I was doing really good until I accidentally licked a bit of icing off my finger while I was cleaning up. The taste got in my mouth and I just literally went crazy. A momentary lapse of judgement. OR whatever you want to call it. This is something new I'm learning. Once I get my first taste of something...I just can't stop. Woah...isn't that like an alcoholic...they are ok, maybe tempted but ok until they actually START..and then they can't stop! Ironically I could have stopped the spiral if I had immediately gotten a drink and popped a piece of gum in my mouth to take away the taste. Which brings me to another thought. This incident happened really quickly. I"d say it happened i less than 3 minutes. Yeah, less than three minutes! Honestly, by the time my mind had figured out what my body was doing and eating, it was already done.
LEssons learned:
1. don't do these tempting food activities unless someone is nearby.
2. Don't start...because once the taste is in my mouth, I go crazy!
3. It's quick!
NOt that any of these lessons are particularly fantastic, but you know every little bit I know about myself, the better off I am!
I had someone just recently say that they were in awe of how intuned I am to my body. I know how my body reacts to all sorts of situations. I know what my body needs and craves. And it made me think......yeah, it's all due to these little lessons and thoughts in this blog!
Well, I'm hoping to ride the indoor bike this morning before trucking off to church. I"m also hoping to maybe go for a walk with mom this afternoon. It will help me...but it will also be really good for her! If I have the gumption when I get home I would LOVE to ride again this evening. However, looking at it realistically speaking, I don't expect that to happen. BUt it is a good thought! :-)
BUT that brings me to my thoughts this morning. What brought this on. I was so determined to make it through this with flying colors! I can definitely say that if Todd were at home and in the living room, visible from where I was. HEck even the threat of him walking in, I probably would not have done it! THat's not too shocking, I know that I have a tendency to be a closet eater. I don't want anyone seeing me make a total hog of myself. (so I blog about it for anyone to see...there's reason eh?). Number two, I know that I was doing really good until I accidentally licked a bit of icing off my finger while I was cleaning up. The taste got in my mouth and I just literally went crazy. A momentary lapse of judgement. OR whatever you want to call it. This is something new I'm learning. Once I get my first taste of something...I just can't stop. Woah...isn't that like an alcoholic...they are ok, maybe tempted but ok until they actually START..and then they can't stop! Ironically I could have stopped the spiral if I had immediately gotten a drink and popped a piece of gum in my mouth to take away the taste. Which brings me to another thought. This incident happened really quickly. I"d say it happened i less than 3 minutes. Yeah, less than three minutes! Honestly, by the time my mind had figured out what my body was doing and eating, it was already done.
LEssons learned:
1. don't do these tempting food activities unless someone is nearby.
2. Don't start...because once the taste is in my mouth, I go crazy!
3. It's quick!
NOt that any of these lessons are particularly fantastic, but you know every little bit I know about myself, the better off I am!
I had someone just recently say that they were in awe of how intuned I am to my body. I know how my body reacts to all sorts of situations. I know what my body needs and craves. And it made me think......yeah, it's all due to these little lessons and thoughts in this blog!
Well, I'm hoping to ride the indoor bike this morning before trucking off to church. I"m also hoping to maybe go for a walk with mom this afternoon. It will help me...but it will also be really good for her! If I have the gumption when I get home I would LOVE to ride again this evening. However, looking at it realistically speaking, I don't expect that to happen. BUt it is a good thought! :-)
Saturday, May 10, 2008
squirting the icing into my mouth!
Well, I was feeling sick today. I came home from work and was still feeling a bit peakish. SO I decided to decorate the cake. Well, I got sidetracked by the Kirby salesman that came to the door. YEAH YEAH YEAH>..I"m a sucker and let them in to give me a demo. NO, I did NOT buy. HOwever, I'll admit to being quit impressed with the machine! AND, I got my living room carpet not only vacumned but also shampooed! BUT, it put me behind in my cake decorating. I didn't get done until right around 4pm. No lunch. Yeah yeah yeah...bad thing. Yeah, I kinda squeezed a 'bit' of the icing into my mouth. Uhhh a good bit! Well, I was cleaning up and taking pictures of the cake and all that. Todd came home and I was talking to him. We were hungry and TOdd wanted tacos....nothing like a bad meal! ARRGGHH
I'm going to have to be super good tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday!!!!! I have also decided that I'm not weighing myself tomorrow and maybe not monday. That way I can recoup a little without the disappointing gain. Tuesday I'll face it! :-)
Meanwhile, as you can see the cake turned out fairly well. I"m happy with it. I'm still not a big fan of the confederate flag....er the naval confed flag...and the second or third one at that. Oh well. BUt apparently it's a big southern rock thing...lynard skinner and the free bird or something. LOL
Did get on the bike and rode for just under 10 miles. SO at least I have that. I've also started doing some weight with my arms during the first 5-10 minutes of my ride on the exercise bike. I can feel it in my arms...boy are they sore!
Sick...but maintaining
I woke up about 15 minutes before the alarm went off this morning, sick. Now, when I was larger, I would wake up many times in the middle of the night sick to my stomach. This doesn't happen often, so that when it does I'm just kinda shocked. I've been queasy all morning. Just can't get rid of the quesiness. I don't know why. Is it because of the cake batter that I ate...my body just rebelling? Do I have a touch of something? Todd's comment was 'maybe you're pregnant. Nope, well it's possible I guess...but I highly doubt it as the ick was just here last weekend. Who knows!? But, meanwhile, I'll sit here queasy and just hope it goes the heck away.
I did step onto the scales. 181.4. Exactly the same as yesterday morning. I'm pretty tickled...because after the cake batter...you never know! I was halfways expecting my weight to go up a bit. WHEW! What a relief to not. Like I said last night. I actually DID have 6 points that I didn't eat...so the cake batter was actually probably washed out by that and by my activity points for the day.
I just pulled fitday.com up ....for me to make 150 pound personal goal by my birthday (Dec. 10th) I have to lose 1.14 pounds a week. SO that is a totally doable goal! :-) If I can do the average of 2 pounds a week....I would be at 150 by September 10th. :-) FOr the 163 goal.....which is my weight watchers goal...at 2 pounds a week.....I could do it by the end of the July. Not much happening here. I'm at work. Queasy for some reason. Actually woke up this morning sick. Oh well....I'm sure it will pass. :-) At noon, I'll be able to leave this joint (I'm at work). I'll be then making the icing and decorating that darn cake. :-) And then I so desperately have to clean the house! Since I was feeling icky this morning I didn't exercise. So I have to do that yet today.
I did step onto the scales. 181.4. Exactly the same as yesterday morning. I'm pretty tickled...because after the cake batter...you never know! I was halfways expecting my weight to go up a bit. WHEW! What a relief to not. Like I said last night. I actually DID have 6 points that I didn't eat...so the cake batter was actually probably washed out by that and by my activity points for the day.
I just pulled fitday.com up ....for me to make 150 pound personal goal by my birthday (Dec. 10th) I have to lose 1.14 pounds a week. SO that is a totally doable goal! :-) If I can do the average of 2 pounds a week....I would be at 150 by September 10th. :-) FOr the 163 goal.....which is my weight watchers goal...at 2 pounds a week.....I could do it by the end of the July. Not much happening here. I'm at work. Queasy for some reason. Actually woke up this morning sick. Oh well....I'm sure it will pass. :-) At noon, I'll be able to leave this joint (I'm at work). I'll be then making the icing and decorating that darn cake. :-) And then I so desperately have to clean the house! Since I was feeling icky this morning I didn't exercise. So I have to do that yet today.
Friday, May 09, 2008
crapola
YES, crapola! I was so set to not even taste the cake batter. THen I caved. EII YIII YIII! My only consolation. I actually had 6 points left for the day to utilize for something special. SOOOO..I guess my points just went there. BUT I"m still not happy with myself!
Friday morning chit chat
I heard the best statement this morning. It was made by someone who was working out...and feeling the pain of it as she pushed herself. Her comment... "I've learned that I need to welcome pain, for it is through pain that I learn, grow and mature and succeed". How true is that. It's true in exercise. We can't get further until we push ourselves into that realm of pain. Into that realm where things are uncomfortable. But also, in our lives....the pain helps us grow and mature. Really....how profound is that statement?
Just a review. Last Sunday I weighed in at 184.4 pounds. On Monday I was 185.4 (most likely water retention). I didn't weigh myself at home anymore since then (official weigh in ws 183 at my meeting). Well, this morning I weighed myself. I weighed in at a fantastic 181.4 pounds! that's like incredible! And including today I've still got 4 days to go until my official weigh in day!!!! It just seems as if the weight is dropping off of me. I know that it is in large part due to the mental shift that has occured within me. But I hope that whatever plateau that I kept hitting at around 180 is BEHIND me! FOR GOOD. I so want to power into the 170's SOON! At the rate I've been losing......next week maybe???? :-)
I'm going to so kill Todd's mothers cat. Ok...maybe not kill it...because she can't help it. You see...she's getting old....I think she is still mourning over the loss of Judy (todd's mother)..and well....she's old. BUT does she have to puke EVERY morning at 4:45???? BESIDE ME! This morning it was on the floor...yesterday I heard her 'gearing' up while she laid on the pillow beside my head (yeah, I threw her on the floor pretty darn fast!). The problem.....5 is just too close to when I typically wake up...so then I lay there awake..unable to sleep. Yesterday i went out and made the biscotti early. This morning because i had to work, I got up and rode the exercise bike for 45 minutes....i was slow and sluggish though...only made it 12.1 miles....oh well. I was showered and dressed and ready for work by 6AM. Ohhh....I don't have to leave for work until 7:40. What do do with time like that? Yeah, I could have cleaned my house...but oh well....that wasn't going to happen this morning! :-)
I'm planning on a thorough cleaning tomorrow afternoon. I work until noon...and when I get home I have to decorate a cake (which I'm baking tonight) and then I'll clean the house. Ohhh the cake I'm decorating..Here's a laugh. It's a guitar shaped cake (borrowed the pan from my mom)....but it's for a guy who is totally into southern rock music...and apparently the confederate flag....with a white bird is a big deal (ok...displaying my southern rock innocence right about now). SOOOO I'm decorating this guitar cake as a confederate flag (and i have a little white bird to put on it...) crazy isn't it? Oh well...twill be a challenge. My mom and one of her friends that decorates cakes thinks I'm utterly insane to even attempt it. We'll see how it goes! :-)
It is pouring rain here right now!!! Utterly ugly outside! My consolation...I'm working open to close here today....so I wouldn't be outside anyway...and most likely after 10.5 hours, I would go home and veg out anyway...wait, I've got dinner to make and a cake to bake (make, bake cake...haa haa haaa) so I wouldn't be able to be outside anyway..I guess it all works out for the best doesn't it?
Got my points all planned out for today. As long as I can hold firm and not eat any crumbs from the cake...or any cake batter, i'll be good. Oh well...if I could do it yesterday, I can do it today. And you know what.....It's purely a thing of pride now......I don't want to do succumb...simply to prove to myself that I can do it! the biggest problem.....is not refraining from eating, ie making that concious decision to not eat it....it's the mindless stuff....I caught myself a few times yesterday just picking up a piece or bite of something and getting ready to pop it into my mouth! EII YII YII But yesterday I was able to stop myself. I will today also!
I was hoping to walk on my lunch break today, as i did last week. however, with the rain that will not be happening. Oh well. At least I got some exercise in this morning! I think Todd has to be up and out of the house tomorrow morning at by 7am...so I may ride super early in the morning. Then if I want, I can get a double ride in by riding after I clean and decorate the cake. Yep..I'm going to do everything i can to help power this weight off!
Just a review. Last Sunday I weighed in at 184.4 pounds. On Monday I was 185.4 (most likely water retention). I didn't weigh myself at home anymore since then (official weigh in ws 183 at my meeting). Well, this morning I weighed myself. I weighed in at a fantastic 181.4 pounds! that's like incredible! And including today I've still got 4 days to go until my official weigh in day!!!! It just seems as if the weight is dropping off of me. I know that it is in large part due to the mental shift that has occured within me. But I hope that whatever plateau that I kept hitting at around 180 is BEHIND me! FOR GOOD. I so want to power into the 170's SOON! At the rate I've been losing......next week maybe???? :-)
I'm going to so kill Todd's mothers cat. Ok...maybe not kill it...because she can't help it. You see...she's getting old....I think she is still mourning over the loss of Judy (todd's mother)..and well....she's old. BUT does she have to puke EVERY morning at 4:45???? BESIDE ME! This morning it was on the floor...yesterday I heard her 'gearing' up while she laid on the pillow beside my head (yeah, I threw her on the floor pretty darn fast!). The problem.....5 is just too close to when I typically wake up...so then I lay there awake..unable to sleep. Yesterday i went out and made the biscotti early. This morning because i had to work, I got up and rode the exercise bike for 45 minutes....i was slow and sluggish though...only made it 12.1 miles....oh well. I was showered and dressed and ready for work by 6AM. Ohhh....I don't have to leave for work until 7:40. What do do with time like that? Yeah, I could have cleaned my house...but oh well....that wasn't going to happen this morning! :-)
I'm planning on a thorough cleaning tomorrow afternoon. I work until noon...and when I get home I have to decorate a cake (which I'm baking tonight) and then I'll clean the house. Ohhh the cake I'm decorating..Here's a laugh. It's a guitar shaped cake (borrowed the pan from my mom)....but it's for a guy who is totally into southern rock music...and apparently the confederate flag....with a white bird is a big deal (ok...displaying my southern rock innocence right about now). SOOOO I'm decorating this guitar cake as a confederate flag (and i have a little white bird to put on it...) crazy isn't it? Oh well...twill be a challenge. My mom and one of her friends that decorates cakes thinks I'm utterly insane to even attempt it. We'll see how it goes! :-)
It is pouring rain here right now!!! Utterly ugly outside! My consolation...I'm working open to close here today....so I wouldn't be outside anyway...and most likely after 10.5 hours, I would go home and veg out anyway...wait, I've got dinner to make and a cake to bake (make, bake cake...haa haa haaa) so I wouldn't be able to be outside anyway..I guess it all works out for the best doesn't it?
Got my points all planned out for today. As long as I can hold firm and not eat any crumbs from the cake...or any cake batter, i'll be good. Oh well...if I could do it yesterday, I can do it today. And you know what.....It's purely a thing of pride now......I don't want to do succumb...simply to prove to myself that I can do it! the biggest problem.....is not refraining from eating, ie making that concious decision to not eat it....it's the mindless stuff....I caught myself a few times yesterday just picking up a piece or bite of something and getting ready to pop it into my mouth! EII YII YII But yesterday I was able to stop myself. I will today also!
I was hoping to walk on my lunch break today, as i did last week. however, with the rain that will not be happening. Oh well. At least I got some exercise in this morning! I think Todd has to be up and out of the house tomorrow morning at by 7am...so I may ride super early in the morning. Then if I want, I can get a double ride in by riding after I clean and decorate the cake. Yep..I'm going to do everything i can to help power this weight off!
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Soul searching
I was emailing yesterday with a friend. We were talking about some super deep issues in our lives. Stuff I will not share on here in a public forum. I'm not putting that stuff on here....not about her or not about myself!
What I will say is that although I've been overweight since I was right at around 12 I just recently realized that there was a point in my life when I packed on about 100 pounds...quickly. I never sat back and realized that. All of a sudden it just clicked into place. I didn't care that I was gaining weight because of a situation in my life that I was trying to 'live up to'. OR should I say live down to. I felt inadequate...and I allowed my body to reflect that feeling. There were reasons that I felt inadequate and not worthy. ANd I let the weight pack on...and in some weird twisted way, I then used the weight as the 'reason' that I was inadequte. I started losing weight because of my health. I've lost about 120 pounds or so to date. As everyone that has read my blog knows, I've been struggling. Well, in the last few weeks I've learned some lessons. I thank a few good friends...some in person, some friends that I know only via the interent that have helped to set me straight. I've learned that these inadequate feelings were based on something that was through no fault of mine! I was not at fault for anything that caused me to feel this way.
I think that is part of why I was having such a difficult time wrapping my mind around losing more weight. I had shed that protective layer of fat.....the layer of fat that I had put on to use as my excuse. Without that layer I no longer have the excuses........I had/have to face the issues head on.
Yes, this is totally rambling and probably incoherent....but to me it's HUGE.
****a side note for myself should I ever not understand what in the world I was dancing around trying to say without saying it.....go read my personal journal....it will all make sense!!!******
What I will say is that although I've been overweight since I was right at around 12 I just recently realized that there was a point in my life when I packed on about 100 pounds...quickly. I never sat back and realized that. All of a sudden it just clicked into place. I didn't care that I was gaining weight because of a situation in my life that I was trying to 'live up to'. OR should I say live down to. I felt inadequate...and I allowed my body to reflect that feeling. There were reasons that I felt inadequate and not worthy. ANd I let the weight pack on...and in some weird twisted way, I then used the weight as the 'reason' that I was inadequte. I started losing weight because of my health. I've lost about 120 pounds or so to date. As everyone that has read my blog knows, I've been struggling. Well, in the last few weeks I've learned some lessons. I thank a few good friends...some in person, some friends that I know only via the interent that have helped to set me straight. I've learned that these inadequate feelings were based on something that was through no fault of mine! I was not at fault for anything that caused me to feel this way.
I think that is part of why I was having such a difficult time wrapping my mind around losing more weight. I had shed that protective layer of fat.....the layer of fat that I had put on to use as my excuse. Without that layer I no longer have the excuses........I had/have to face the issues head on.
Yes, this is totally rambling and probably incoherent....but to me it's HUGE.
****a side note for myself should I ever not understand what in the world I was dancing around trying to say without saying it.....go read my personal journal....it will all make sense!!!******
ON fire!!!!
Todays pictures of me. None are particularly great...but hey...they are from today! I'm on fire with my eating. Amazing what a difference this mental shift has made in my control I've been totally on the program with my eating now for about a whole week. Even more so amazing...this morning I was up early. I made a batch of chocolate chip biscotti. I did not even take a bite of the snow. NOT EVEN A LICK! I didn't eat the ends as I cut the biscotti up...or the crumbs that inevetably fall off. NOTHING. NOt one iota. They cooled and I had them bagged and put away without eating ANYTHING! TONIGHT, I made snickerdoodles. (yeah, I"m a glutton for punishment...but it's for a work crew that is dong community service...Todd is the chair of the community service committee). ONce again...NO LICKS, bites or tastes! I told myself that I would allow myself to eat the LAST little bite of cookie dough. The last because I knew that once I tasted that I woudl continue eating until they were all either eaten or baked. Well....half way through baking all of a sudden it hit me....won't I be so proud of myself if I don't partake of any? And quite honestly...do I really need that? Honestely, I probably have the points. But you know what......I'm fine....and I feel so much more proud of myself for having control over the situation!!!!!
This afternoon, I rode the exercise bike. This challenge that I'm doing is an amazing way to keep myself on target with exericisng. I SOO didn't want to exercise today.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Two of my newer outfits that I have purchased recently!
Today I ate well....and actually because of myschedule, ended up with a LOT Of points left over. I ate mostly fruits and veggies today...and you just don't rack up the points very fast with all fruist and veggies. :-) SOOOOOO I treated myself. I treated myself to a Wendy's Frosty. (it was on the way home...and not much is on the way home so my options were limited) Did you know that Wendy's has vanilla frosty's. I had heard about it.......and would you believe that they were 'out' of chocolate...forcing me to get a vanilla??????? IT wasn't bad...a bit too vanilla-y for me though. But I did enjoy it regardless.
I'm off tomorrow. I have to make some chocolate chip biscotti tomorrow morning for mom. Then Todd and I have a meeting to attend. A trip to Lowes. Mowing at mom and dad's and Todd has something to nail using the nail gun. Then we are going to eat with mom and dad. I will need to get some mileage in there somewhere. EIther in the morning...or evening. Although we have mentioned possibly going to the gym. We'll have to see. That woudl be a nice break from the routine mundane for me!
Should I weigh in tomorrow??? That is the question. At home of course! That is the question of the hour. I guess I"ll figure that out in the morning! :-)
Weigh in results!
Well....I was worried. I hoped for a maintain at least. I honestly had no clue when I stepped onto the scales. OHHHH my word did I honestly have not clue!!!!!! 4.6 pounds! I called TOdd to ask him to put something in the oven he asked how I did. I answered, "4.6 pounds". He sounded incredulous when he answered, "GAINED?" I laughed and laughed....when I answered it was with extreme happiness to tell him that I LOST 4.6 pounds. He was like, "that's huge" Yeah, that is huge at this stage in my weight loss progress. However, after being where I've been the last few months, well.....it's understandable. I'm going to do my best to follow up that loss with another one next week. I may not weigh myself at home this week....and just go for broke. OHhhh I don't know..that makes me a bit nervous though! We'll see.
I've got some riding to do today. I took off yesterday...so I need to get some formal mileage in today! THe first month of the challenge I did 229.85 miles! Amazing! I'm hoping to equal that...or even better that for next month! That is my goal...to better my mileage each month! That would be way cool!!!!!!
I also want to get a little painting in this today. I've got to wait though until its dry outside. I'll get it done...a little bit at a time! OH goody...todd just told me that the cars are dry...which probably means taht the siding is dry! LEt the good times roll! OH I just love painting. NOte the extreme sarcasm in that statment. I painted pretty much every surface of the inside of this place through the months of January and February. I thought that was bad enough. ANd I was so relieved when it was over. The outside never even entered my mind. Now I'm suckered into painting again. And when the siding is done...then it's on to the screened in porch...followed by the decks! And the one deck needs scrapped first. JOY JOY>..it just keeps getting better doesn't it?
I've got some riding to do today. I took off yesterday...so I need to get some formal mileage in today! THe first month of the challenge I did 229.85 miles! Amazing! I'm hoping to equal that...or even better that for next month! That is my goal...to better my mileage each month! That would be way cool!!!!!!
I also want to get a little painting in this today. I've got to wait though until its dry outside. I'll get it done...a little bit at a time! OH goody...todd just told me that the cars are dry...which probably means taht the siding is dry! LEt the good times roll! OH I just love painting. NOte the extreme sarcasm in that statment. I painted pretty much every surface of the inside of this place through the months of January and February. I thought that was bad enough. ANd I was so relieved when it was over. The outside never even entered my mind. Now I'm suckered into painting again. And when the siding is done...then it's on to the screened in porch...followed by the decks! And the one deck needs scrapped first. JOY JOY>..it just keeps getting better doesn't it?
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Weigh in Day
Tonight is my official weigh in. I am definitely going to weigh in. I don't rightly know if I've lost enough weight to show a loss.....remember I gained 4 pounds last week. BUT, just to show how much this subtle shift of my thinking has changed. I don't care. I'm going to go...face, the music and do it. I've also decided to go in blind. I'm not weighing myself this morning. In fact, I already at my breakfast...and I don't weigh after I've put anything into my mouth. I usually try to make my morning weight as 'pure as possible. Meaning I try to make the conditions as uniform everyday as possible. SO, I've already ruined the conditions! :-) I also was a bit thirsty. Nothing really bad...but I knew that I wanted a drink. SO I need to drink up today.
My plans for today. IT's darn tootin' cold outside right now. I may around 11 or so go out and paint for an hour or two, waiting that long to allow for the sun to warm things up a bit....and dry the side of the house. I noticed that the cars are dew covered...so I imagine that hte house is also a bit dewy and damp also. We'll see.
I'm planning on taking the day off from 'organized' exercise. That is the current plan at least. However, I note that even though I''m saying this...and I could 'close' the week on my exercise log and actually calculate my weekly totals...and add it to my 'challenge' total....well...I just haven't done it! I'll do it at work, only because I need my totals for tonights meeting. :-)
My plans for today. IT's darn tootin' cold outside right now. I may around 11 or so go out and paint for an hour or two, waiting that long to allow for the sun to warm things up a bit....and dry the side of the house. I noticed that the cars are dew covered...so I imagine that hte house is also a bit dewy and damp also. We'll see.
I'm planning on taking the day off from 'organized' exercise. That is the current plan at least. However, I note that even though I''m saying this...and I could 'close' the week on my exercise log and actually calculate my weekly totals...and add it to my 'challenge' total....well...I just haven't done it! I'll do it at work, only because I need my totals for tonights meeting. :-)
Monday, May 05, 2008
Blah blah bliggity blah
I woke up this morning. My first thought was, "wow, I'm thirsty." Now, I've said this before and I'll say it again. THAT is not a good sign. If your body is telling you that it is thirsty...then you are ALREADY partially dehydrated. It's too late at that point. The only thing you can do is really start drinking to get your self re-hydrated. SOOOO...why in the world I stepped on the scales anyway? Yeah, your guess is as good as mine. So I went from 184.4 yesterday to 185.4 today. A pound up. BUT you know.....it's consistent. That is what I typically weigh if I'm dehydrated...one two two pounds up. Oh well....at least I know. I guess why I still got on the scales...I worked outside all day. I then rode that darn exercise bike.....and I didn't go over my points. Plain and simple, yesterday was a textbook day (well...except for the water consumption apparently). So I was expecting to see good things! Oh well...I can think of worse things. I'm drinkin' it up today...so I should be able to see results tomorrow!
This morning, i got up and messed around the house for an hour or two. And then Todd and I went over to the studio apartment to try to organize and well...just get more work done. We moved from there to here. There was no hurry to get out of there. THEREFORE, as I moved, I kinda just stripped out what I wanted to bring at taht point...only bringing the absolute neccessities first...and then a little here and there as i needed or found the time to do. Well....the kitchen is the one that is just a wreck! So i went over today and gathered up some stuff from the kitchen. I cleaned a bit also...wiped the empty cabinets out...that sort of thing. Slowly but surely I'm making headway. I came home and found a 'home' for all the stuff that I brought back with me. Today it was a lot of tupperware stuff. It all fits, it just requires that my tupperware cabinet be neat as a pin! We'll see how long that lasts! After putting everything away, I made lunch for Todd and I. I work from 2-6 and he leaves to go to work at 6. So I made our main meal at lunchtime today. I made chicken cordon bleau, parslied potatoes, peas and served it with grapes. YUMMY. Throughout that time, I did two loads of laundry and got them out on the line. AND at 12:30 I went out for a bike ride. I've been riding a lot. BUT, I've been utilizing the exercise bike...inside. So at first thought, you'd think......no big deal, indoor outdoor. BUT, my exercise bike is a recumbant style. Yeah, a lot of the muscles used when riding both bikes are similar. HOWEVER, there are some that are used more prevalantly in one versus the other. SOOOOOOO today was my first 'outdoor' bike ride of the year. One word.....BRUTAL! Oh yeah, i also biked on our road...which is more hilly than I am used to. I definitely will miss being right on the battlefield and having all those roads to bike! I can see me driving over with my bike on the rack in order to continue to bike over there. BUT, in the meantime...I will conquer my road!!!!!
Here are some of the passages that I was talking about ealier..the ones that I couldn't find. (gotta love the slow times at work when I can REALLY look for them). The book in reference, "Are You Ready!" By Bob Harper.
In this chapter, he is talking about acceptance. "Right after you accept yourself, you nee dto forgive yourself--forgive al the false starts, failed diets........Then the permission to change becomes an invitation to achieve your goals. When you take the time to reconnect with your body, you creat the opportunity to stay grounded in yourslf, strengthening your connection to your heart, which is vital to making this work."
One thing that stood out at me this week.....he recommends one to sit down at least once a week and think about all the accomplishments you achieved since the last time. Think about the positives...and truely remind yourself of how far you have come.
"Our thoughts are a window into how we conceive of ourselves--our strngths and weaknesses,our limitations and aspirations. And yet most of the time we float from one activity to the next without considering that we can choose to think in a more positive way. As you being to make this shift into awareness you will find that you can also have a direct impact on how you react to certain situations and even how you feel. Our thoughts create our feeligns. And whenyou are trying to get to the root of your relationship wtih food, these thoughts often trigger emotional eating."
And on that same note...our lives are like a garden......and negative thoughts are like a weed. They creep in.....and reinforce bad behaviors such as overeating....and slowly they overtake all the pretty stuff.
This morning, i got up and messed around the house for an hour or two. And then Todd and I went over to the studio apartment to try to organize and well...just get more work done. We moved from there to here. There was no hurry to get out of there. THEREFORE, as I moved, I kinda just stripped out what I wanted to bring at taht point...only bringing the absolute neccessities first...and then a little here and there as i needed or found the time to do. Well....the kitchen is the one that is just a wreck! So i went over today and gathered up some stuff from the kitchen. I cleaned a bit also...wiped the empty cabinets out...that sort of thing. Slowly but surely I'm making headway. I came home and found a 'home' for all the stuff that I brought back with me. Today it was a lot of tupperware stuff. It all fits, it just requires that my tupperware cabinet be neat as a pin! We'll see how long that lasts! After putting everything away, I made lunch for Todd and I. I work from 2-6 and he leaves to go to work at 6. So I made our main meal at lunchtime today. I made chicken cordon bleau, parslied potatoes, peas and served it with grapes. YUMMY. Throughout that time, I did two loads of laundry and got them out on the line. AND at 12:30 I went out for a bike ride. I've been riding a lot. BUT, I've been utilizing the exercise bike...inside. So at first thought, you'd think......no big deal, indoor outdoor. BUT, my exercise bike is a recumbant style. Yeah, a lot of the muscles used when riding both bikes are similar. HOWEVER, there are some that are used more prevalantly in one versus the other. SOOOOOOO today was my first 'outdoor' bike ride of the year. One word.....BRUTAL! Oh yeah, i also biked on our road...which is more hilly than I am used to. I definitely will miss being right on the battlefield and having all those roads to bike! I can see me driving over with my bike on the rack in order to continue to bike over there. BUT, in the meantime...I will conquer my road!!!!!
Here are some of the passages that I was talking about ealier..the ones that I couldn't find. (gotta love the slow times at work when I can REALLY look for them). The book in reference, "Are You Ready!" By Bob Harper.
In this chapter, he is talking about acceptance. "Right after you accept yourself, you nee dto forgive yourself--forgive al the false starts, failed diets........Then the permission to change becomes an invitation to achieve your goals. When you take the time to reconnect with your body, you creat the opportunity to stay grounded in yourslf, strengthening your connection to your heart, which is vital to making this work."
One thing that stood out at me this week.....he recommends one to sit down at least once a week and think about all the accomplishments you achieved since the last time. Think about the positives...and truely remind yourself of how far you have come.
"Our thoughts are a window into how we conceive of ourselves--our strngths and weaknesses,our limitations and aspirations. And yet most of the time we float from one activity to the next without considering that we can choose to think in a more positive way. As you being to make this shift into awareness you will find that you can also have a direct impact on how you react to certain situations and even how you feel. Our thoughts create our feeligns. And whenyou are trying to get to the root of your relationship wtih food, these thoughts often trigger emotional eating."
And on that same note...our lives are like a garden......and negative thoughts are like a weed. They creep in.....and reinforce bad behaviors such as overeating....and slowly they overtake all the pretty stuff.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Sunday morning news
Got up and weighed myself this morning. Imagine this......I weighed in at 184.4 pounds! WOAH doggie. The weight is dropping off again!!! That makes me one very very happy girl!
I've been able to keep myself under control today. In fact, I've got some extra points left here....and dinner is over and done with. AND that is not including any activity points. You see...I was outside working for about 5 hours today. THEN I had the gumption to come in and ride the exercise bike! YEah, I don't know what came over me either. I will admit...I was super tired on the bike and cut it a bit short...only 20 minutes. BUT I did 4.85 miles in that 20 minutes. SO...hopefully with all the activity today...and my healthy eating, I will see the weight drop some more tomorrow on the scales!
Dang, dang double dang. Last night I was reading and came upon something that was like super relavent and pertinent to what I've been learning about myself and goign through. And whadya know....I brought the book out this morning...laid it here on my desk so I could put it in this journal...and I can't find the passage now...and there was more than one! FRUSTRATING!
I know one of the passages was about how I perceive myself...and how that effects my weight loss results. It was sooo in line with what I have been thinking. EXCEPT for the fact that I may be focusing too much on what others are thinking....I"m getting lots of compliments and such and that is driving my confidence. This book tells me that I need to feel this confidence about myself. My thing.....these compliments actually have helped my mind catch up to my weight loss efforts and really help me realize that I'm a good looking woman.
Ohhhh today, I was out front painting and Todd was out back working. Well, I had my headphones on....and I was listening to my music and minding my own business. ALl of a sudden I heard a beep. It was two guys on motorcycles. They beeped....waved...and about drove off the side of the road because their necks were craned backwards looking. Looking at what you might say.... well....ME! They roared off and I smiled to myself and went on painting. Well, within minutes there was Todd...standing at my side...aksing me about the bikers. It wasn't my imagination at all. He's been teasing me about it ever since then. I'm not sure he likes all the attention that his 'hot' wife is getting. Actually I think one half of him is likin' it...but the other half is not so keen on it. Oh well....
I've been able to keep myself under control today. In fact, I've got some extra points left here....and dinner is over and done with. AND that is not including any activity points. You see...I was outside working for about 5 hours today. THEN I had the gumption to come in and ride the exercise bike! YEah, I don't know what came over me either. I will admit...I was super tired on the bike and cut it a bit short...only 20 minutes. BUT I did 4.85 miles in that 20 minutes. SO...hopefully with all the activity today...and my healthy eating, I will see the weight drop some more tomorrow on the scales!
Dang, dang double dang. Last night I was reading and came upon something that was like super relavent and pertinent to what I've been learning about myself and goign through. And whadya know....I brought the book out this morning...laid it here on my desk so I could put it in this journal...and I can't find the passage now...and there was more than one! FRUSTRATING!
I know one of the passages was about how I perceive myself...and how that effects my weight loss results. It was sooo in line with what I have been thinking. EXCEPT for the fact that I may be focusing too much on what others are thinking....I"m getting lots of compliments and such and that is driving my confidence. This book tells me that I need to feel this confidence about myself. My thing.....these compliments actually have helped my mind catch up to my weight loss efforts and really help me realize that I'm a good looking woman.
Ohhhh today, I was out front painting and Todd was out back working. Well, I had my headphones on....and I was listening to my music and minding my own business. ALl of a sudden I heard a beep. It was two guys on motorcycles. They beeped....waved...and about drove off the side of the road because their necks were craned backwards looking. Looking at what you might say.... well....ME! They roared off and I smiled to myself and went on painting. Well, within minutes there was Todd...standing at my side...aksing me about the bikers. It wasn't my imagination at all. He's been teasing me about it ever since then. I'm not sure he likes all the attention that his 'hot' wife is getting. Actually I think one half of him is likin' it...but the other half is not so keen on it. Oh well....
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Long Day
Oh my word, was work ever long, slow and boring this morning. I worked in the lobby, which I actually come close to hating. I so much more prefer the drive up. For various reasons. One, it's busier; thus making the time go faster. But two, I'm kinda in my own world back there. I like that. Anyway, I was up front and bored out of my skull! I couldn't wait for the workday to over. FINALLY it ended. We locked the door at noon and we rolled out of there just a few minutes later. I rushed home, ate lunch and did some work around the yard. I mowed the yard...which didn't net ANY activity points as I used the riding lawn mower. Nothing like last year using the push mower for 4 hours each week! After the mowing was done, I rolled the chipper up to the brush pile and proceeded to finish up the brush/wood pile at the north end of the property! WOOO HOOOO! I'm particularly excited because this brush pile was perilously close to my clothes line. In fact, I couldn't use one end of my clothes line because of the brush pile. Not that big of deal because of course my clothes lines ar like 50 feet long....... BUt still! I worried about what critters and creepy crawlies were in that pile while I was up there hanging clothes....wearing flip flops! SOOOOO I finished that pile today! THen I went back and mowed
that area....it's amazing how much grass can grow up under a pile like that! BUt anyway...oh my word does it look so nice up there...all freshly mowed with NO pile of brush and branches! (There has been a pile up there since EARLY March)
I came in the back door after working outside, grabbed my wallet and headed to our one and only little eatery in town....a convience store place. I picked up a turkey sub for each of us (a half for me...and a whole for Todd). I bought two bags of sunchips and two drinks. Diet Pepsi for of course (I was done with my water for the day). I wasn't worried as I actually had 19 points left for the day. I was so proud of Todd and I. We actually put the one bag of chips up and split the other one! Yeah, the bags were actually two serving bags each. SO it was plenty to share. It really feels good to take control and to do something like that. NOW, if I would hav saved my buck and not bought the second bag...although I know that Todd will eat them sometime this week for lunch! :-) ANYWAY, after dinner, I went into the bedroom...and even though my calves were still sore...and I'd wracked up tons of steps on my pedometer while doing the chipper thing....I got on that dang bike. I rode for about 30 minutes total......10 miles EXACTLY when i was done. It was kinda crazy. I don't pay attention to mileage. BUt I was training at a lower resistance...but aiming for a higher RPM.......so I was hoping to make it to 10. SO You can imagine my shock and happiness when I moved aside the laptop (sitting atop the handlebars, hiding the display) and saw 10.0!
After riding, I came out and updated my exercise log....and also my food log with my dinner. I'm actually shocked. I went HIGH on my estimation for my sandwhich..and I've still got points left! I may have a ff/sf jello. I have one more serving left. BUT then again...I may not have it. Who knows!
Ok....that solves that question...I'm eating my jello as I type! Ok, I couldn't type and eat at the same time...so I just finished. YUMMY! And guilt free! That makes it more yummy!
Wow...I just looked I'm at 47.59 miles for this week already. AND I've got Sunday, Monday and Tuesday to go before my week rolls! WOO HOOO!
that area....it's amazing how much grass can grow up under a pile like that! BUt anyway...oh my word does it look so nice up there...all freshly mowed with NO pile of brush and branches! (There has been a pile up there since EARLY March)
I came in the back door after working outside, grabbed my wallet and headed to our one and only little eatery in town....a convience store place. I picked up a turkey sub for each of us (a half for me...and a whole for Todd). I bought two bags of sunchips and two drinks. Diet Pepsi for of course (I was done with my water for the day). I wasn't worried as I actually had 19 points left for the day. I was so proud of Todd and I. We actually put the one bag of chips up and split the other one! Yeah, the bags were actually two serving bags each. SO it was plenty to share. It really feels good to take control and to do something like that. NOW, if I would hav saved my buck and not bought the second bag...although I know that Todd will eat them sometime this week for lunch! :-) ANYWAY, after dinner, I went into the bedroom...and even though my calves were still sore...and I'd wracked up tons of steps on my pedometer while doing the chipper thing....I got on that dang bike. I rode for about 30 minutes total......10 miles EXACTLY when i was done. It was kinda crazy. I don't pay attention to mileage. BUt I was training at a lower resistance...but aiming for a higher RPM.......so I was hoping to make it to 10. SO You can imagine my shock and happiness when I moved aside the laptop (sitting atop the handlebars, hiding the display) and saw 10.0!
After riding, I came out and updated my exercise log....and also my food log with my dinner. I'm actually shocked. I went HIGH on my estimation for my sandwhich..and I've still got points left! I may have a ff/sf jello. I have one more serving left. BUT then again...I may not have it. Who knows!
Ok....that solves that question...I'm eating my jello as I type! Ok, I couldn't type and eat at the same time...so I just finished. YUMMY! And guilt free! That makes it more yummy!
Wow...I just looked I'm at 47.59 miles for this week already. AND I've got Sunday, Monday and Tuesday to go before my week rolls! WOO HOOO!
On top of my game!
Yes, I'm still on top of my game. Yesterday, I did go over my daily points by 2 points. I was worried though. First, I had that decent ride yesterday morning. I walked on my lunch break, and I DID get an hour to hour and a half of painting in when I got home from work. PLUS, I tried to stand and move a good deal at work instead of simply parking 'it' on my chair and sitting like a bump on a log at my counter. And even though I did go over my pointage...I had 7 servings of fruits/veggies! That's awesome! So, you may be wondering what my weight is. Well, my official weigh in on Tuesday put me at 187.6. By Thursday morning...I was up to 189.8. YEAH, bad bad bad. This morning, I was down to 187.4. Activity and healthy eating really does pay off!
Weirdly enough....my calve muscles are KILLING me today. Ok, not killing me...but I can feel that they are super tight when I move. Is it from riding? Standing on a ladder painting? All the standing I did at work (with heels on). Was it my lunch break walk (I did put on tennis shoes to do that). Whatever...I worked something.
I work today from 7:45 till noon. Hopefully the weather will be nice when I get home so that I can get outside and continue my painting mission. WOO HOOOO. With probably 3 hours or so, I could have the whole thing totally painted....with it's first coat. THe back only needs a short little section of white second coated. The one side only needs the white second coated (the trim is already doubled). So it's coming along. I'll be glad when it is done. However, then I'll have to switch my focus to the porch and the decks. Ei yiii yiii...will it ever end? If I work outside all afternoon...(climbing up and down ladders and such) I'll probably not ride this afternoon. We'llsee though.
Weirdly enough....my calve muscles are KILLING me today. Ok, not killing me...but I can feel that they are super tight when I move. Is it from riding? Standing on a ladder painting? All the standing I did at work (with heels on). Was it my lunch break walk (I did put on tennis shoes to do that). Whatever...I worked something.
I work today from 7:45 till noon. Hopefully the weather will be nice when I get home so that I can get outside and continue my painting mission. WOO HOOOO. With probably 3 hours or so, I could have the whole thing totally painted....with it's first coat. THe back only needs a short little section of white second coated. The one side only needs the white second coated (the trim is already doubled). So it's coming along. I'll be glad when it is done. However, then I'll have to switch my focus to the porch and the decks. Ei yiii yiii...will it ever end? If I work outside all afternoon...(climbing up and down ladders and such) I'll probably not ride this afternoon. We'llsee though.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Feeling strong!
I don't know what is different. I dno't know what has changed. I know that this morning I woke up and I actually feel back 'into the game'. I know that it defies reason. Why would I simply wake up and my mental game be back. What would cause it. I dont' know. I will tell you what I do know. I woke up at 6:15. I didn't have to wake up utnil 8 at the latest. I laid in bed for a few minutes...and then got up. After goign to the bathrooom, I ran out to my desk and picked up my headphones. I went back to the bedroom and hopped on the exercise bike. I turned on the laptop, plugged in the headphones and preceeded to watch some videos on You Tube. (todd was sleeping a few feet away). I rode 30 minutes....and did 7.59 miles. After my ride i went to the kitchen and made breakfast. This was actually something that was planned. I work today from 10 till 6pm. And Todd works from 6 until about midnight. So we had planned on having breakfast together. I had cooked some potatoes last night. So all i had to do was peel and slice them before frying them. Todd mentioned the other week that he was hungry for chipped beef over home fries. SO that is what I made. I knew that the chipped beef gravy would be enough for me...pointwise...so i had mine over two slices of low cal/high fiber bread. So as to not feel deprived, I had a very small portion of potatoes as a side. After cleaning up the kitchen I went to my computer. I first of all logged my mileage in my exercise logbook. I then meticulously entered in my food intake for breakfast AND my lunch which i had packed while in the kitchen. Breakfast was a bit high...so I'm going to have to be careful at home tonight. I ate lunch today at my desk. And then i spent my lunch break taking a walk around town. 20 minutes......1 mile! So I'm at 8.59 miles for today. I'm debating. The weather is GORGEOUS outside. When I get off at 6PM. Do i want to go for a bike ride? Go for a jog? Or work on the painting? I'll probably settle on the painting. I can always add another ride in on the inside exercise bike should Iwant another workout tonight but can't fit it in because it gets dark. Heck, I can do a video. I haven't done an exercise video in AGES!
As for motivation...will power....all that. I feel different. It just feels as if there has been some kind of shift in my mental thinking. I'm ready again.
This may have something to do with this perceived change in my thinking. I don't know...but here it is. Last night I was layign in bed and I went to pick up a book to read. I went to grab an easy reading fiction...but instead grabbed the book by Bob Harper. I just couldn't wait to get this book a while back....so I rushed out and got it. I read a bit ( a very little bit) and then it kinda got shoved aside and 'forgotten'. Well, I started reading it last night. It just all popped out at me. It talked about self confidence. It talked about the fact that we shouldn't be relying on the approval of others. We shouldn't be putting ourselves down and ignoring compliments. It just hit me...that was me. Why do i not accept compliments...I've done an incredible job on my own transformation. AND when the heck have I really started to care about what others think of me...if they don't like me for me...then who the heck cares! That has ALWAYS been my mantra. What caused it to change in the first place!
The other thing....setting realistic goals. Yes, I only have 20 pounds to go until I get to the weight watcher approved (ok, it's based on BMI) weight. And that is my next big goal. BUT, I need to set small mini goals for myself. And realistic about them! My first mini goal.....push past this 180 pound barrier and get into the 170's. Solidly into the 170's...not just a temporary dip into the 170's waters! That's less than 10 pounds....I think my official weight watchers weigh in on Tuesday night was 186 and some odd ounces. So I'm talking about 6-7 pounds. That is sooooo doable! 6-7 pounds in the grand scheme of things. Looking back at where I've come from....small beans! Yes, it's gonna be hard....but I can totally do it!
So...here's my mini goals that I'm setting for myself ...and the order that I need to work to reach them!
* Get ouf of the 180's! that is roughly 7 pounds to lose.
* From there I'm only going to aim for roughly 5 pound increments.....So therefore, I'l be aiming for 175.
*My next goal will be 169 pounds. Get me out of the 170's and into the 160's
*This will make my next goal 164! Which is my weight watchers goal weight!
*Immediately upon reaching my goal weight, i want to push onward and get a little wiggle room between myself and that goal weight.....so that next goal will be small......simply 2-3 pounds. Gaining any ounce between that goal weight and my weight.
*After i reach the weight watchers goal....I want to focus on maintaining that....and at that time I will reevaluate my body to see if my body needs to go to my mental goal of 150. I'm thinking yeah...but I will objectively look at myself at that point. :-)
* LIFETIME status at weight watchers!
Lets see....rewards for reaching these goals. Well, At 164...my weight watchers goal I am getting a new car stereo. It's actually already purchased. BUT, I won't let Todd put it in before I make my goal. And let me tell you...that would TOTALLY suck when it comes time to drive to Indiana for our vacation (and Julies wedding). I imagine Todd would be growling on that one!
For getting solidly into the 170's. Todd and I will take a day trip somewhere. I've been wanting to go back to the holocaust museum (todd's never been there) and Todd has been wanting to go to the Smithsonian...Air and Space in particular. (when I lived down in the metro area, we tried to go...but the part he was particularly interested in was closed for renovations). So that will be an option for our day trip.
I'll work on the rest of the goals as I get closer to them! I'll know then if I 'need' something ...or just a need to get away...
Refocused...regenerized....ready to roll!
As for motivation...will power....all that. I feel different. It just feels as if there has been some kind of shift in my mental thinking. I'm ready again.
This may have something to do with this perceived change in my thinking. I don't know...but here it is. Last night I was layign in bed and I went to pick up a book to read. I went to grab an easy reading fiction...but instead grabbed the book by Bob Harper. I just couldn't wait to get this book a while back....so I rushed out and got it. I read a bit ( a very little bit) and then it kinda got shoved aside and 'forgotten'. Well, I started reading it last night. It just all popped out at me. It talked about self confidence. It talked about the fact that we shouldn't be relying on the approval of others. We shouldn't be putting ourselves down and ignoring compliments. It just hit me...that was me. Why do i not accept compliments...I've done an incredible job on my own transformation. AND when the heck have I really started to care about what others think of me...if they don't like me for me...then who the heck cares! That has ALWAYS been my mantra. What caused it to change in the first place!
The other thing....setting realistic goals. Yes, I only have 20 pounds to go until I get to the weight watcher approved (ok, it's based on BMI) weight. And that is my next big goal. BUT, I need to set small mini goals for myself. And realistic about them! My first mini goal.....push past this 180 pound barrier and get into the 170's. Solidly into the 170's...not just a temporary dip into the 170's waters! That's less than 10 pounds....I think my official weight watchers weigh in on Tuesday night was 186 and some odd ounces. So I'm talking about 6-7 pounds. That is sooooo doable! 6-7 pounds in the grand scheme of things. Looking back at where I've come from....small beans! Yes, it's gonna be hard....but I can totally do it!
So...here's my mini goals that I'm setting for myself ...and the order that I need to work to reach them!
* Get ouf of the 180's! that is roughly 7 pounds to lose.
* From there I'm only going to aim for roughly 5 pound increments.....So therefore, I'l be aiming for 175.
*My next goal will be 169 pounds. Get me out of the 170's and into the 160's
*This will make my next goal 164! Which is my weight watchers goal weight!
*Immediately upon reaching my goal weight, i want to push onward and get a little wiggle room between myself and that goal weight.....so that next goal will be small......simply 2-3 pounds. Gaining any ounce between that goal weight and my weight.
*After i reach the weight watchers goal....I want to focus on maintaining that....and at that time I will reevaluate my body to see if my body needs to go to my mental goal of 150. I'm thinking yeah...but I will objectively look at myself at that point. :-)
* LIFETIME status at weight watchers!
Lets see....rewards for reaching these goals. Well, At 164...my weight watchers goal I am getting a new car stereo. It's actually already purchased. BUT, I won't let Todd put it in before I make my goal. And let me tell you...that would TOTALLY suck when it comes time to drive to Indiana for our vacation (and Julies wedding). I imagine Todd would be growling on that one!
For getting solidly into the 170's. Todd and I will take a day trip somewhere. I've been wanting to go back to the holocaust museum (todd's never been there) and Todd has been wanting to go to the Smithsonian...Air and Space in particular. (when I lived down in the metro area, we tried to go...but the part he was particularly interested in was closed for renovations). So that will be an option for our day trip.
I'll work on the rest of the goals as I get closer to them! I'll know then if I 'need' something ...or just a need to get away...
Refocused...regenerized....ready to roll!
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Happy May 1st! Well I'm a bit bummed..my weight is up...even higher. How many times am I going to write entries like this? When will my will power meet up and match my motivation and desire to lose the rest of this weight. Today I kinda got into the homemade graham crackers that I was baking (I mixed the dough up last night....baked it this morning). I did however try to accomodate the rest of my eating today. I probably still ate a bit too much today. ALl I can do is move on and get myself back on track.
Meanwhile. I got on the exercise bike this morning. I rode for about 55 minutes.....15 miles. I was hot and sweaty.. but I felt great afterward. I need to keep focused and ride....ride ....ride. Exercise...exercise...exercise. Keep moving, that is the key to this. I know that I feel better after I've exercised. But I also know that my eating is much better when I'm exercising. I guess because it's fresh in my mind...or I'm looking foward to it (and not in a positive way) so I am reminded that I don't want to eat away all the good that I'm doign for myself. That is the only way that it seems reasonable as to whey things are a bit better and easier when I'm working out religiously. PLUS, the weight drops more easily...which makes me more motivated and I feel better about myself and my efforts.
For the month of April, I logged 159.89 miles. That's not too bad considereing for two weeks I literally squeeked my minimum mileage in for two of the weeks in the month of April. However, I'm going strong for May...started may out with a bang with my 15 miles! WOO HOOO
Meanwhile. I got on the exercise bike this morning. I rode for about 55 minutes.....15 miles. I was hot and sweaty.. but I felt great afterward. I need to keep focused and ride....ride ....ride. Exercise...exercise...exercise. Keep moving, that is the key to this. I know that I feel better after I've exercised. But I also know that my eating is much better when I'm exercising. I guess because it's fresh in my mind...or I'm looking foward to it (and not in a positive way) so I am reminded that I don't want to eat away all the good that I'm doign for myself. That is the only way that it seems reasonable as to whey things are a bit better and easier when I'm working out religiously. PLUS, the weight drops more easily...which makes me more motivated and I feel better about myself and my efforts.
For the month of April, I logged 159.89 miles. That's not too bad considereing for two weeks I literally squeeked my minimum mileage in for two of the weeks in the month of April. However, I'm going strong for May...started may out with a bang with my 15 miles! WOO HOOO
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