Yeah, that didn't happen.

 I had grand plans for how I was going to spend my days here in the new year. I had goals and I was going to slay each and every one of those goals!   We are now two weeks into the new year and I can say.....Yeah not doing so good on those goals!

Yes, I have had some wins in terms of my goals.  I have had two wins  The wins you ask?   Well let me tell you!   I had a goal to finish digitizing all of the pictures from my parents house.   I am happy to announce that I have completely digitized those pictures.  I do have to finish filing the pictures away in the storage boxes I got, but the pictures are digitized!   The second win is my weight.  The first week brought a loss of 1 pound and my second week of the year brought about a loss of 2 pounds.  Thus, I have lost 3 pounds thus far in 2025.   I am constantly fighting the urge to say (or in this case type) that my three pounds is paltry and weak.   I want big numbers.  (Don't we all?) Three just seems lame ,but I am tickled to have pieced together two weeks of weight loss.  And three pounds is still three pounds GONE.  It could have been worse.  I could have gained three! 

As for most of the other goals....the stuff like ten thousands steps a day, exercising three times a week, 64 ounces of water, tracking my food?   Yeah, they haven't happened.   Not yet.  I have actually exercised about 3 times.  I have gotten my water to a consistent 30-40 ounces.   I have tracked a few times.  And my steps have been higher than average, but still not to the 10k mark.  So not a total failure, because I can see progress.  But not quite where I want to be.  But that's ok, i'm moving in the right direction.  I'm building up!

Unemployment has been busier than I expected.  Two weeks have flown by!  It feels like just yesterday that I was finishing up my last day of that job.   In fairness, we had a holiday (New Years Day) and a snow day where Jason was off work..so they felt like weekends which made it go by faster. 

 I have gone down to my mom's house for 4 days now.  There I have met up with my brother and we have worked on cleaning and panting her house to ready it to sell.  I am not a good painter.  I know it.  Painting is also not my favorite thing in the world to do.  But that's ok, it needs to be done and we are getting it done. 

I have spent a fair amount of time on my computer looking for jobs.  I am only two weeks into this serious job hunt and it's disheartening!  I have a submitted a fair amount of applications.  I have also received a fair amount of rejections.  I will admit that some of the jobs that I have applied to are a stretch for me, but they sound so interesting.   I am applying to anything that is in my pay range that looks interesting.  I have applied to both remote jobs and on site jobs.  I am torn with the location.  I do love working at home.  It is so handy to be able to flip a load of laundry on a break or let the dog out at lunch.   However, I know that some face to face interaction with people is something good.   I was actually getting ready to start going to a zumba class in the evenings when my job situation exploded.  Literally, I had gone to the site and was looking into it on the day before I got the notification.  So I do have that still in the cards if I get a remote position.  But it's a 50-50 dealio.   I do think that the dog is voting for another remote position!   Although, she has done amazing on these days that I have been at my mom's for 8 plus hours (including travel time).

Most of my time I have been busy doing something.  Be it working on my computer, editing youtube videos, painting, cleaning, cooking.  I did spend one day, my first true day off (one where I was home and Jason was working) and spent the afternoon watching a movie.  I had started the day so strong...but then kinda fell apart and lounged from lunchtime onward.  But that is ok also.   Truth be told, this afternoon may be one of those days as I just picked up two books.  One an author that I have really enjoyed, Fiona Davis.  And the second book one that came recommended to me by my niece,  Bear Town.  The biggest problem is which to read first!!!

Unemployment and the new year have been kind to me thus far.  While I am frustrated at the low numbers in my weight loss and the futile job hunt, I am happy with my progress toward making my goals a reality.  I am happy with my steps forward.  I know that the best is yet to come and I"m going to do what I can to make it come!
 

Dream It - Do It

I have been having some quite deep thoughts lately.  I have been thinking about where I am in life and where I want to be.  It's only natural after the year that I've had with it's up and many downs.  There have been moments where those thoughts turn darker, and I wonder why me?    I try to be a good person and do what is right and yet life seems to hand me lots of lemons.  I see other people out there on social media and other places waltzing through life and it seems as if everything goes their way. 

I know, I know, Social media is not always a true representation of everything.  Most people are not exactly forthcoming with the truth and only post the good.  And furthermore, the truth is usually only a half truth.   But it's so very difficult to see someone write about taking up painting one week and talking about their first ever painting.  The very next week I was seeing them post about how they decided to sell their paintings and they are selling like hotcakes.  Really?  That's not how my life goes for me!   I see people talking about writing their first book.  Setting up their own business.  Paying off their house early due to their side hustle.  Your name it it's out there and other people are doing it.  But yet I sit here stagnant.  I'm not making money on a side hustle.  I'm not learning to paint one day and selling it the next.  Well then again, maybe I should attempt to learn painting.  Maybe....  Ok, maybe not.  But it does make me question why things seemingly fall into place for so many while I am left floundering. 

Even as I pondered these other people and their successful ventures and lives, I realized what was different.   They had the ability to dream!    As my thoughts about dreams poured through me I experienced the familiar pangs of self-pity.  I started to think about my life and what I typically do.   When I was younger, I had big dreams.  I wanted to teach school and have a family and change the world.  I grabbed the bull by the horns, and I followed my dream to teach school.  I have written about my experience with teaching.  It left me a royal mess emotionally.  You can read about it here if you are interested.   Teaching turned out to be a failed dream.  Motherhood was also an elusive dream.  My ex-husband knew about that desire and trampled all over it.  I guess it's no small wonder that my marriage to him failed.  (I'm 50 years old now.....too old to try for a baby!  hahaha)     My two biggest and all-encompassing dreams died and withered on the vine. 

For years I was afraid to let myself dream.  I honestly had no dreams of major goals in life.  You see, if I had them, I would just be opening myself up to pain and heartache.  That is what had historically happened, so why would anything else be different.  And the while the fear of failure was and is still looming within me, I can recognize that I need to face the fear of failure and allow myself to dream.  I need to allow myself to set goals.  I need to allow myself to try!   You see, I need to not only dream it.  I need to Do it!

I have tons of projects in my life that I need to finish.  I need to put myself forward and say "I am doing it and I'm going to follow through and do it to completion."  I have had fantastic ideas!  But I've always tamped them down out of fear.   (I still love that idea to create a company to have educators dress up in historical clothing and teach lessons to elementary kids.  Learning from an actual reenactor is so much better than learning from a book!)  Occasionally, something will slip by me, and I'll do something and put myself out there.  But I never push hard to make it a true success!  

I started  youtube channel.  Much like I this blog, the youtube channel is an accountability tool for my weight loss journey.  I have reached about 800 subscribers.  People that joined at the same time as me have 4-5 thousand subscribers.  (You can reach monitization at 1000 subscribers).   I'm not saying that those people are making a ton of money, but it would be nice to make something for my little side hobby.   (I'll keep doing that and this blog because it is good for ME regardless of money).  

I wrote a book.   I have it published on Amazon.com.   I am quite proud of the fact that I did that.  I put myself out there on a very small scale.  I sold a few copies here and there.  But I never pushed it or promoted it.  So, it really was just a dream that I started but I never really DID!  But what about all those things that I have thought about and never done.  Those things that are a glimmer of a dream, but I've been too afraid to finish. 

20 years ago, I wrote a children's book.  I did it as a joke but an elementary school teacher that I knew read it and begged me to publish it.  Yet the book sits in a folder in my file cabinet gathering dust.   When I was at the pinnacle of my first weight loss attempt and basking in the glory of my weight loss transformation, I started to write a book on losing weight.  Not the particulars about how to lose weight, but more on how to get your mindset right.  I've picked it up and written a bit more here and there.  I just recently glanced at my outline, and I am SO close to being done.  A few times over the last few years I have thought about finishing it.  But it continues to sit in its three-ring binder.   I also started a book that I refer to as my 'diet-ventures'.   It's all those funny and crazy things that have happened to me during this mission to lose weight and be healthy.  Yet, the idea and the writings that I have sit in a file on my computer.    What is wrong with me?   

I'm afraid to Dream It and I'm afraid to DO it!   

Last year though, something changed for me.   I saw something about a miniature competition.  I love my miniatures, and something prompted me to enter the competition.  I worked on and off all year long.  (Mostly off until fall when I realized that I was nearing the deadline).  I actually followed through.  I had a dream that I was going to do something worthy of submission and I followed through and did it.  I didn't back off. I submitted my entry!  I did it!   I am still waiting to see if I won...or even got any honorable mentions.  But that's ok.  I had a blast doing it.  I followed through.  I dreamed it. and I did it!  

It is time to not only dream, but it is also time to actually do!   What does this mean for me?  Well, I'll be continuing to write here.  I like writing here.  This is my accountability and my place to write out my feelings and thoughts.  It's cathartic for me.    But what else does it mean?

1.  The Children's book - It means finding an illustrator.  Or maybe actually trying to illustrate it myself?  (ha).    

2.  The Weight Loss book - Finish those areas that need written (it is probably 90% complete in its writing) and start to reread and fine tune and get it proofread.  Ultimately, get it published.

3.  The Diet-Ventures - Finish writing the ventures.  I am probably 1/2 way through writing it.  Edit/proofread and of course published.

4.  NOT drop the ball on promotion for these books when they do get to the publishing stage. And yes, most likely they will be self-published again which means I have to do more marketing myself. 

5.  That miniature contest that I entered for 2022, well I already have the base and made the commitment to submit an entry in 2023!

6.  Commit to building my YouTube channel.  Give it a serious go to see if I CAN build it and if could be something more than an outlet for my personal accountability.  Man, does that mean have to get brave and post it on my Facebook page and let the world see it also?  I have historically kept not only my YouTube channel private and separate from my friends and family (of course Jason knows....and some other members of my family also know, but as a general rule, not many people in my real life know! Likewise, I didn't make it public knowledge about my book that I published.  Fear of letting others see me fail!)

I think that's enough for now.  In fact, that's not too bad for a gal that has been afraid to dream for ages!  Or maybe I should say been afraid to dream and fail!  

I was Toast

Monday...what a dreaded word!  The weekends always go by so fast!  But hey, it is fun!   I got some activity in, I had my official  weekly weigh in, and I clearly started thinking about my progress in terms of goals!

Weigh In and Goals

I had my official weigh in on Saturday morning.  I reached my new decade goal!!!  I dropped into the next lower ten pound range!  I was 249.2 on Saturday my official weigh in day!  (It was 247.8 after my run that morning but I’m not counting that.  I was just tickled to see that number!) .  It made me realize that I have been operating with no short term goals...so I’m focusing on 10 pound increments....a decade.   I’m gunning now for the next decade.  That will be a biggie too!  Why?  That will put me back at the weight that I was when I met Jason!    (I was right at 238-239 when I met Jason).  The following ‘decade’  after that (when I manage to reach  the upper 220’s, will be neat because it will be back to the lowest Jason has ever seen me!    But then the fun will  really begin...I will be able to reveal a new body to Jason with each pound I drop!!!    He doesn’t care about my weight and actually likes a ‘chunkier woman’ ...which is good because I will never be a string bean....but it will be fun to lose and show off.  (Some new lingerie in my future maybe?  Hahaha. Ok TMI). So yes I have some definite goals...so pound increments!    

Food

I ate my dinner on Friday.  I know that Friday dinners are usually a bit higher in calories.   (Which is kinda crazy when I think that I use my Saturday weigh in as my official one!)   I had planned my whole day of eating accordingly because I knew that dinner would probably be a bit higher.  I ate my dinner and then sat there and berated myself for ordering the cookie AND eating it!  (We ordered delivery from Jimmy John’s.). I grudgingly picked up my phone to enter in my calories into the  myfitnesspal app.  Much to my surprise, I was still within my caloric goal range.  Sure, it was at the high end, but I was in range!   Even knowing that, I waged a war in my mind.  One minute I (the devilish mini me voice) would tell myself that “You  are so stupid!  You shouldn’t have eaten the cookie, You would have been down at the low end of your calories and thereby maybe would lose more weight.  You have messed it up!”  But then the calm sane voice of reason (man, I need to name that voice since I have the devilish voice named....hmmm) took over and I told myself, “Maryfran you are within the caloric range.  That is a victory and an added bonus for your indulge/delivery meal night.  You are not sitting there feeling stuffed and sick after overeating.  In fact, you feel satisfied...emotionally and physically.   You won that round.  You managed to ‘live’ within the constraints of a healthy eating plan.”   Yeah...back and forth the battle in my mind was waged.  But ultimately it was done, the food already eaten so nothing could be changed!  The only thing I COULD do was to not listen to the evil mini me and chalk it up as a failure and thereby head to the kitchen for more snacks/food since my day was ‘ruined anyway’.  I listened to the sane voice and settled in for a Friday night relaxation fest, satisfied with myself!  

Saturday eating was spot on!  My calories were at the low end of the range and I was pretty much satisfied all day long!  Sunday a bit higher, but I should actually be ok...better than ok!

Exercise

Saturday morning I didn’t let myself talk myself out of it!  It?  It was a morning run!  No matter the state of my buttock boil that I talked about the other day, I was going.  I got dressed and wore no underwear to eliminate  any excess rub the keister issue (I am not the commando type of girl, and actually had a really bad experience exercising with no underwear once, seriously read it...it was bad!!). and I headed out for a run!  I didn’t go far and I didn’t go fast.  But I went!  

Post Run Selfie

I came home and relaxed a bit before heading out to grocery shop and run a few errands. I came home and did some chores around the house.  Shortly thereafter we headed out with our bikes to go for a ride.  My legs were tired and achy when we were done!

I can count 14 turtles on the log!

It wasn’t a fabulous ride because of that.  I don’t know if it was the combination of the run in the morning combined with the ride or if it was the concrete floors from two hours in various stores. . (I have noticed that my knee doesn’t far well when we are shopping...my knee can be relatively pain free for days...or at least manageable but when we shop it flares up!). I know my legs were tired after my run but my knee didn’t hurt until shopping.  Oh well!   Lots of steps for the day and a bike ride!  Nice and active!!! Go me!!!

Sunday was as equally active!  We headed out for a few hours on our bikes!

And then just because, we went out for a short hike!  We got home and my words were, “I am TOAST!”  I was so tired  I was so achy.  My knees hurt, my muscles hurt, I was so tired!  (OK, and I was sunburnt also, so toasty that way too!)

Boil update

I still have this boil on my butt.  (Or a small cyst, which is more likely, but it is more fun to call it a boil!). I have been pretty good about hot compressing it and it has reduced in size! It was fine this weekend as I went commando, thereby eliminating quite a bit of the rubbing and friction that I normally get from my underwear (the leg of the underwear rubs right where the boil is located).  The bike wasn’t too bad (obviously not since I managed two significant rides this weekend).    So that is being managed and slowly healing.  I just didn’t let it stop me!  I’m just thankful it isn’t a carbuncle....an area with a group of boils...that would be especially bad!!!  (And my word of the weekend...I learned what a carbuncle really was, I had always known the word but never the definition!). And don’t worry, I will spare you pictures of my butt boil!

All in all it was a great weekend. Active, productive and still plenty of time to relax and chill!   It’s Monday now and the knee that has been most recently giving me trouble is throbbing a bit. I will definitely keep an eye on it....but I’m pushing forward to better things.   The pain comes from excess weight and disused am sure.  Time and effort will eradicate it!!!

End of month: a little early

I want to thank everyone for your kind words and encouragement on my last post.  It is so easy to get discouraged when we see the evidence of our ‘missteps’ in our quest for healthy living.  It is so easy to slip back into the emotions of ‘learned thoughts’.  It is very hard to get rid of baggage and to not expect the past to repeat itself.  I am a work in progress…..it’s difficult….but I’m working on it!

 

I am going to close out my month of March right here and now. Yup, right here on March 29th I am going to post my month end goal results.   I’m doing this for a few reasons.  I like to think that these reasons  are quite valid and real!   Now don’t worry.  Just because I’m closing out the month and reporting on the month, I’m not giving up….I will still be completing these habits over the next few days.  So now, let’s get to the reasons.

1.       This morning Jason and I are heading to the Ocean for a three day weekend.  I KNOW that I will be eating foods a bit higher in calories.  But I also know that I will be active as all get out.  (Just remember that after we spent some time at the beach last October t at I wrote about how tired and achy I was from all the activity…. Jason was suffering from a cold that whole time and we were STILL active!).

2.       I won’t have time to do a big end of month goal recap before the new month rolls around.

3.       My post when I get back will be filled (hopefully) with pictures and tales of fun activities that we did over the weekend…I don’t want to have a post that is forever long!

4.       This is the most important one……March was not a pretty month in terms of my healthy living.   I want to roll into April and make that first post of the month absolutely positive….I want to start it out with a positive bang!  Recapping the negative month of March will detract from the hope and promise that I have for April!  (How much more positive can I start out the month of April then by recapping an active weekend at the beach!)

So there you have it, the reasons why I am posting my month end recap on Friday March 29^th!

At the beginning of this month I set up some goals for myself. 

1.       Track every bite of food.  I failed on this one.  I THOUGHT I had tracked every bite of food but one day I went back and realized that I had missed a day.  OOPS.   However, I did not let this stop me.  I have faithfully tracked every other day of this month.  I WILL be tracking my food whilst at the ocean.  I know that some of my foods will be a bit higher and I expect my calorie count to reflect that.  But that’s ok too.  This is learning to live life with balance and grace.

2.       Put money into savings.  WIN!  It was actually easier because my pay raise for my promotion hit my checkbook.  My plan is to not spend that extra money, but to instead bank it.

3.       Weigh less than I do now.  Well…….as of today, it’s pretty much a maintain….and that’s not good, it SHOULD be a loss.    I’m not going to stress about it though….I’m waiting for the TOM to get out of my system so the numbers are a bit skewed.  

4.       Do something active (even just a walk) at least three times a week.  I failed this one miserably.  I had two weeks in the middle of the month where I was spot on with walking at lunch and evening walking/riding my bike and activity but then that behavior kind fell away.  I know that the lunch walks will happen as the weather gets warmer!   We did manage to get some activity during the weekends also….

A snowy hike

A sunny walk 

A nice bike ride

5.       Keep my calories within my caloric range at least 6 days a week…with an emphasis to get to the low end of that range as often as possible.  The first part of the month was miserable and I was at the high end or over my caloric range most days.  I did clean it up quite a bit in the latter part of the month…enough to recoup the weight that I gained in the first two weeks!

6.       Step goal on Fitbit.  150,000 steps for the month.  I SHOULD be able to hit this one.  I only have to get 5k steps each of the three days that we are at the ocean.  EASY!  (Seriously, we usually park the car when we first arrive and don’t get back in the car until the day we go home!)

So there you have it.  My March in all its ugly glory!

I am planning the same exact goals for April.  Nothing different, nothing out of this world crazy, the exact same goals!  And at the end of April, I WILL be writing a victorious post!

Out with the old, in with the New

Welcome March!  I for one am happy to pay February to rest for lots of different reasons.  I am more than happy to get one step closer to spring and summer.  March means a time change so we can get away from the infernal darkness (seriously...all week long in the winter...I barely see the sun because I am sequestered in a building...aka working, and the evenings are...dark!).  The other reason I’m ready for March?  Well, February wasn’t a great month for weight loss!  There was effort for sure!   But there was not a whole lot of success!

Let’s start with the goals for the month!  I had some monthly goals....let’s see how I did!!!

1. Track every bite of food. Victory!!!!!  I managed to continue tracking every bite!

2.  Put money into my savings. Success!!!  I managed this AND managed to also pay for my name to be removed from the property that I continue to co-own with my ex!  (The process is still in the works...but getting closer to completion!)
3.  Weigh less than I do now!  I don't care if it's a measly ounce...I want to weigh less!   Failure!  Big time failure!  I not only do not weight less, but I weight more!   My only positive is that I remained within the ‘three pound range’ of fluctuation that I am ok with!  I actually somehowmanacrd ONLY a 0.6 pound Gail for the month...so a half pound gain. Grrrr!
4.  Do something active (a walk suffices) at least 3 times a week. Not a total failure!  I did manage to get a bit more exercise this past month.   I managed to start running ....on the weekends.  I also managed to get a few lunchtime walks in (amidst the snow and cold).  But a consistent three times a week?  Yeah that didn’t happen!  Failure!

5.  Keep my calories within my caloric range at least six days a week....with and emphasis on getting the calories to the lower end of that range as often as possible!  I didnt do too badly with this...surprisingly!  But I didn’t nail it.  The first week of the month I did great!  The second week of the month I did horrible due to a holiday and a planned splurge on a weekend trip.  The last two weeks of the month weren’t horrible.  

So where does that leave me?  For one, I am Disgusted  with myself for wasting a month of effort with nothing to show for it!  But it leaves me with an idea of what I need to do in March.  I have my goals for March.  (The same goals as February actually...I need to totally nail these goals before moving on and adding new ones!). But I also have some ideas of changes that I need to enact.  So I guess it’s time to get into the goals and changes!

Goals for March:

1.  Track every bite of food

2.  Put money into my savings
3.  Weight less than I do now!  I don't care if it's a measly ounce...I want to weigh less!
4.  Do something active (a walk suffices) at least 3 times a week.

5.  Keep my calories within my caloric range at least six days a week....with and emphasis on getting the calories to the lower end of that range as often as possible!  

6.  Step goal on my Fitbit.  150,000 steps for the month.  

As you can see it is the same as February except that I added a sixth goal.  150,000 steps for the MONTH scares me. (Much to my shame)  My job is very sedentary and if I don’t do anything but get up, go to work, go home and make dinner  I end up only getting about 3 thousand steps a day.   This is a pitiful number of steps!  I SHOULD  be getting 10K steps!    But for the sake of doing these changes in baby steps, I am aiming for 5k steps a day.  (And I’m even giving myself a total free day...150k steps is 5k steps for 30 days...March as 31 days!).  This goal scares me...even though I know it had the potential of being VERY easily obtained!

So what are my plans?  

1.  I am going to focus on foods.  The sweet treats, even though they are calculated and entered into my food tracker are weighing me down.  I also knowfrom past  experience that if I eat too many carbs that I do not lose weight.  So I need to work on limiting that!  I just need to clean up my eating!

2. Exercise is another area.  I have promised myself so many times only to break that promise and vow ‘tomorrow’.  Well I am making the promise of three times a week.  When I wrote about this in a recent blog post, Sarah from 3purplethings.blogspot.com commented about promises.  She commented that she makes a promise to her husband or family members and she keeps it.  So I need to start thinking of these ‘tomorrow I will start’ comments as promises to myself.  I respect other people and therefore keep my promises to them...now it’s time to respect myself and keep my promises to myself.  This will involve actually scheduling exercise into my daily routine.  But I’m going to do my best!!!

I think that is enough planning and plotting for the moment!  I KNOW that I have what it takes to make this happen!  I know that I have it into me to lose weight and lie a healthy lifestyle!!!!  Now is the time to do it!!!!

On the path to health: goal review

Where in the world did January go????  I blinked and it’s gone!!!!   But with the end of January and the beginning of February it is time to report on my January goals and set some perameters for February!

In January I set a mission for myself.   It wasn’t anything in depth...but it turned out to be a perfect plan for me!  My mission for January???

1. Track every bite of food
2.  Put money into my savings
3.  Weight less than I do now!  I don't care if it's a measly ounce...I want to weigh less!
4.  Do something active (a walk suffices) at least 3 times a week.

I am proud to say that I tracked every darn bite!   Ironically I found that if I was tracking, even though there was no goal or plan to keep my calories in check that I just naturally worked to keep my calories in check!   But I had the freedom to still mess up...I only had to track!!!  So I totally nailed this one!!

I am happy to announce that my savings account grew!!!   Woohoo!   (And it should start growing faster soon....I found out the other morning that I was given a promotion at work....a grade level higher.  So a promotion in my career and a bigger pay check!)

I was sweating out this next goal...which was to weigh less!   On January 1 I weighed 252.8.....I dropped mid month to 250.8.  And then my weight went up for some unknown reason....but I managed to pull off a 251.6 to end the month.   It’s a loss of 1.2!   I said I would be happy if it were a loss of ANYTHING...well I am happy!   Slow is better than nothing...and it’s much better than a gain!!

The last one...exercise....fail....fail...fail!  Miserably so!   I got some walks/hikes in on the weekend...but my three times a week?  It just didn’t happen!!

Sooo. What are February goals looking like???  Honestly, quite similar!!    The big difference is that I’m going to put a bit more restrictions on my food...but loose enough that I can still ‘fail’ but succeed!!!  So without further ado....

1.  Track every bite of food

2.  Put money into my savings
3.  Weight less than I do now!  I don't care if it's a measly ounce...I want to weigh less!
4.  Do something active (a walk suffices) at least 3 times a week.

5.  Keep my calories within my caloric range at least six days a week....with and emphasis on getting the calories to the lower end of that range as often as possible!  

So pretty much the same goals...just a bit of a restriction in saying that I have to be within my caloric range!   So there you have it, past, present and future goals!  

Did I smmmmmaash the pattern: yo-yo weight

The weekend has ended.  I sit here almost ready to head to work to start this new week!   I had grand plans for the weekend!  I was so going to smash the cycle that I’ve been in for months.  I had a plan and I vowed to have some fun over the weekend also.  So how did I do?

The weekend was a success with my eating.  I had vowed to not snack and not indulge in non nutritious foods when I got hungry.   On Saturday that meant that I had a banana.  On Sunday that meant that I had a small bowl of cottage cheese.   I also kept my calories in check and feel good about my food intake.   Win!!!!

My next goal for the weeekend was to drink at least 64 ounces of water, my water consumption on the weekend is usually lacking.   I nailed this one too!   I got over 64 ounces both days...although I will admit that on Sunday I squeezed my win out by the skin of my teeth!!!  Win!!

I walked for about 35 minutes on Saturday!   

Cold walk around the perimeter of the field while Jason flew his drone.

We also took a short hike for 45 minutes on Sunday!!!!  

Cold creek on our walk along a trail!  No swimming today!

Exercise too!   A bonus win!!!!

So my weight....did I smash the goal????  Cue the self deprecating laughter.   Oh yeah, I smashed this goal!   But not in a good way.   The cycle has been that over the weekend my weight drops then oops back up on Monday or Tuesday.  Well....my weight never dropped this past weekend!   So while my goal was to let it drop and KEEP it low and this smash the cycle...I guess I can say that I did smash the pattern because the cycle was broken in that my weight never dropped!

So why did my weight never drop?   Who knows.  I know that my monthly water retention weight gain  is upon me...I did have some more saltier/sodium laden foods.   But I didn’t break the bank in calories and I ate healthy, nutritious food!   So who knows!  I’m not giving up...I’m still staying the course!!!

December plans

November...what can I say?  It’s been a month...how is that for vague and bit really informative!!!   OK...this is me and I am open and honest if nothing else.  There were extremely happy moments and utterly sad ones.   There was victories and failures in terms of my weight loss journey.   Through it all, there came a plan for the future.

Emotions

 Emotionally,  was it good or was it bad???

It was a difficult month.   We made it through the first anniversary of dad’s death   I still miss him like everything and can’t believe that he is gone!!!  Oh if only I could talk to him at least one more time!  

The month wasn’t all tears and sadness.   Jason and I celebrated our third year anniversary.    Yup..we have been together 3 years now! That is amazing!!!  I’m still amazed at how amazing a GOOD relationship really is!!!

 Victories for the month

I started to workout in the morning.   Ok, don’t get too excited, I am not working out hard core intense!!!   But it’s 20-25 minutes of activity...four mornings a week...at 5:30 AM!!!  Other than one or two days where I was fighting off a sickness, I’ve not skipped any days!!

The other big victory was definitely my eating on Thanksgiving Day   I had the eating challenge ...and it went perfectly and I felt in control!!!!

Failure for the month

Yeah, my weight...totally failure.  I am about 3 pounds higher at the end of the month than what I was at the beginning of the month!   Yes...I’m ashamed!!!

Future 

So what’s up for the future?

I am going to have some changes at work. I am being moved to a different team.  That in itself is a change...and lots of learning.  But....on top of the new team and new knowledge,  my schedule is changing.  It’s only a half hour...but it is going to eat up that exercise time that I just carved into my daily routine.  I started a habit and now I don’t know what to do.   I will be waking up at 5:30 each day to get ready to go to work....and yeah, I could get up at 5AM...but...well.....    sprightly now my thinking is to try to do something for a half hour when I get home each night.  

The other thing?  I am challenging myself.  I’m saying 10 pounds in December!!!   It’s a lofty goal...especially since it’s a holiday season!!!  And birthday season in my family.  (December 10th is the best one ever...my b-day!!).   I have set the 10 pound goal, but I’m just hoping to have the downward trend happening!!!!!  Anything down on the scales will be a victory!!!!

So there you have it...the good, the sad, the shameful, the plans!!!!

Exciting Changes

I am going small .....weekly goals!

1.  Stairs at work at least from lobby to my floor,  2 times a day at work.

2.  Bike trainer...at least twice

3.  Calories in check and tracked for every day

4.  Water water water...at least four bottles a day

All doable...

 Back to work after a nice weekend.....ok it was a bit icy....but I still had a great weekend!  And honestly, I can’t stop grinning from ear to ear!

Why?

We went apartment hunting!  Ok we have been apartment hunting for a while...but we went to look at one that we were both totally interested in!

Yup...this is the apartment we are looking at (or one like it)

It is on our price range, has a full size washer and dryer, a second bedroom/den (also known as the bike bedroom), and is in the location that we wanted.  (we would have liked closer to my work but that 20 miles is sour 300-400 bucks different a month....and a smaller place...so 20 miles from my work and about 2 from Jason’s)

We had already talked that we would prefer a top floor....and preferably not staring out over the parking lot.  But this place we were looking at doesn’t get this size open too often apparently.  The first available was for the end of March.  (After that I think one in April), so we knew we would take whatever and not be took picky. 

So the place available at the end of March? 

**Top floor...yay

**back of building overlooking ‘green space’...yay

**upgraded unit with new appliance and kitchen....yay

**minute away from 270...the main road to my work..and in the zone we wanted to be in...yay

**cats accepted.....yay

We filled out our application on Saturday.  And by Sunday they had notified us that we got it and it was being held for us...hold fee hasbeen paid.    We are moving Easter weekend!

There are really nice neighborhoods right across the street ....a 5 mike trail down the road in one direction...a park down the road in another direction.....lots of places to run!!!  (And a 24 hour fitness room in the complex)

We are ready and excited to clean up our eating!   

We are excited!

We are also experiencing some of that ‘wow our relationship is changing big time’ nerves.  But we haven’t rushed into this at all!  We will be about 2.5 years into our relationship by the time we move.  So I know we will be fine.  But it’s exciting and scary all the same!

Well then...

So I had made my plans to be healthy come the new year....I made them a week or so before New Years...and vowed to start on day one.    So how did that plan work out for me ?

The last few days of 2017, I ate like a wild boar that hadn’t seen food in three years!   I’m telling you...It was bad!   Cakes, donuts, candy, cookies and pie!  It was ugly!  In my mind I kept saying ‘one last hurrah before the serious healthy stuff begins’.   And that was the mistake. I should have started immediately and not thrown my hands in the air and commenced with a foodapalooza!  Still not convinced it was bad?   I ate and ate and ate.  Each night I would feel stuffed...I would have slight stomach aches.  But I trucked on...remember I’m an addict...food is my addiction!   Every night got worse.   And then finally...I hit rock bottom.   New Year’s Eve...we ate dinner.  I wasn’t overly hungry when I came to dinner time...but I ate and it was delicious!  I finished dinner and I made the comment that I was stuffed...that I felt like I needed to go for a long walk or run or something!   Yet a half hour later I ate a huge piece of cake...and shortly after that a donut....and right around midnight I found myself eating tortilla chips!   Is it wrong that while I ate all this I kept saying ‘this is the end...healthy tomorrow!’   We went to bed at around 12:30 or 1.  I was ready to start the new year with healthy eating!

I woke up at 3am...my stomach was in knots!  I remembered the feeling well.  I used to have stomach aches constantly way back in the day...once I got my eating under control the constant stomach aches disappeared....but it was back.  A trip to the bathroom and then I curled up in a ball and slept until 5....a trip to the bathroom and then some more sleep!  I was miserable until about 2 or 3 in the afternoon!  I know my body just had had enough of the gorge of food!!!

Maybe I had to hit rock bottom to see the light and finally be ready to roll into the new year and to form (re-form) the healthy habits!

So day one was an incredible success in terms of eating.   January first i couldn’t even think about food until about 8 PM...and I had a light sandwich!  

Yesterday January 2...I didn’t do too bad.  Not perfect but I’m happy with my choices and how I managed my food!  Even better...on my breaks I rode the elevator down to the lobby and I carted myself back up all the flights of stairs on foot!  It’s not a lot of exercise...but 8 flights of stairs twice a day is better than riding the elevator!!  I’m sticking with the 8 flights twice a day for a while.  I am seriously out of breath after the 8 flights.   When that gets easy I will add more floors just keep goinbg up and then walk back down until my whole break is steps!  And right now I’m leaving my lunch mostly intact.  As it gets easier I believe I may throw in the steps on my lunch...but right now I’m just proud to have done the steps twice!!  (The steps should hopefully help when we get back to hiking heavy...as soon as the weather breaks!)

Now I head into day three....I’m sure I will rock this day!!!    

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!!!    

This past year.....wow.  It was a year filled with incredible happiness and a year filled with absolute and utter sadness.  One extreme to the other, for sure!

I enjoyed a second year with Jason...and that is the happiness, peace and joy.  

The first part of the year we were super active...but then we each changed jobs and our time for active pursuits was seriously diminished.  But we still got out on the weekends.  

We did get bike rides in.....

We got some hiking in.....

We made it to the ocean a few times..

We spent as much time together as humanly possible within the confines of work and life responsibilities.

We are happy and still moving forward in our relationship. (The first change...we are looking for an apartment to share closer to our respective jobs....currently my commute on normal days is 1.5 to 2 hours each way)

The sadness...yes I lost my father. 

And that is where my weight loss/maintenance went to hell in a hand basket. I let my addictions free and started eating like crazy...

For the first part of 2017, I maintained my weight...but from summer to late fall I somehow managed to slowly start losing.  It was a slow slow slide, but the numbers were going down.   Hey, I’ll take it, slow still  wins the race!!!

But then I lost control and within one week gained five pounds!   Right now, I’m hovering at 8-10 pounds higher.  

I’m miserable at my weight.  My body is screaming it’s protest in many ways!  

When I switched jobs my exercise went out window too...4 hours in my car a day did that in!!!  It’s hard to even contemplate going for a run when it’s pitch black outside and you are bone tired!  My 2017 miles in the year 2017....I was totally on track in August when I started my new job...but well, that went to pot!!  

So I guess it comes as no surprise that my New Years Resolutions center around healthy pursuits! And let me backtrack and talk abut resolutions.  There is no rule that says that you have to make a New Years resolution.   There is also no rule that says you have to wait u til New Years to start something like a new lifestyle.  If you have that mentality, then a New Years resolution is a bad thing for you....because you are losing 364 other days of the year for greatness!   For me New Years is just a time where I’m wrapping up a calendar year and facing a new calendar year.  It’s the perfect time to reflect upon where I was...where I am...where I’m going.   The rest of the world calls it New Years resolutions....so guess what?  I’m going to just call my re-evaluation a New Years resolution!!!

So what are they????    

Lose Weight, be Healthy, be happy!!

Nothing with direct numbers attached...no ‘I will weigh such and such’ or ‘lost so many pounds’.   Very loose goals and ambitions.  But the healthy and happy should be every day of our life goals!!!  As for lose weight/maintain a healthy weight, honestly, if I’m healthy happy, the weight should correct itself!

Plans to achieve my resolutions:

1. Blog more...it helps me stay tuned in and focused!

2. Weigh daily/at least weekly 

3.  Exercise ....this should get easier after Jason and I move!  However in the meantime I can at least be active...I can walk up and down the steps in my work building...there are 14 floors. (Since I’m a wimp and it’s kinda cold outside and that keeps me from walking on my breaks!!). I have that stair stepper thing at home too.  And I have tons of videos!

4.  Reign in the eating...that might mean tracking my food again.   The freedom from constantly entering my food has been nice...but I think right now I may need it!  (And notice tracking is not a resolution...because I would actually prefer to try to get back to the point where I don’t have to track!)

And the crazy thing???  Im actually excited about the changes I’m making and the end result!!!!

Duldrums

I went running today.   I cut it short...it was 37° and starting to rain.   Not a good combination.   I can handle one or the other..:not both.   Besides, time was running out.   It wasn't a spectacular run but it wasn't a bad one.

The biggest thing today is that I just feel blah. I don't know why.  I haven't felt this way in a very long time.  I don't like it!!

Even crazier?  Usually running throws me into a good 'high'

Oh well....

My 2017 in 2017 goal....and more specifically my goal for march to not run any deficit in my mileage update.

I am sitting at 119.07 miles (not including my 2.14 run miles from this morning).  That means I need 52.97 miles in 8 days.   That is 6.62 miles a day.   It's supposed to be nice this weekend and we are planning on having the bikes out....so maybe....just maybe!!!! It will be close I think!!!!

And looking at the march goal page we may as well talk about the other goals right now....

20 running miles.    The snow messed me up for sure!!  (Yes that's an excuse!). I am at 13.29 miles.   I have to run 6.71 miles to make that goal. Yeah next week there is only one day of the week that I can run on the morning....that could put a damper on meeting that 20 miles...because I am so not ready to run a 6.71 mile run!!!!!

The 1800 or less calories a day...there were a few days that I was right at 1800 calories and only 4 days I went totally over!!!!  Not a win but not a total loss!!!

Wimpy!!

Wow......What a crazy week!!   Where to begin...with the fun?  The serious?   The Good?  The bad???

Ok, lets start with the fun...then we will get to the weight stuff......or maybe I will intersperse it all together kinda chronologically.....Yeah, that's the plan!

Last week I really struggled with my eating.  My weight was up on my weigh in day (mid week) and I just struggled to get my eating lined up!  I started to think about it and vowed that the weekend was my new start!

On Wednesday afternoon/early evening when I got off work (and the technical beginning of my mini vacation, I headed out and went hiking.  The locale?  Gambril State park near Frederick, MD.   I'll go back...parts of the trail was pretty and overlooks are always fun to visit!

I was off some days last week and headed to Charleston, SC for the Cooper River Bridge Run.  I did this last year with my friend Sue.   I ended up walking it last year and I vowed that I would return and conquer it!     My best laid intentions failed me this  I wasn't ready....it had been a weird downward spiral for the last six months with illnesses and injuries.  Excuses really...but I was NOT prepared.  Yet I packed my gear and headed south for my girls weekend.   I decided to wake up super early and drive six hours early so that I could eek out a full day of site seeing.  I pulled out at 3:50 AM and arrived at my first destination at 10AM.  

I had some deep thoughts while I drove.   LOTS of deep thoughts!   I won't go into it...but I had a total epiphany!  I had already thought about the need to lose weight....based on the fact that I want to be 70 years old and still able to hike up a mountain....or site see all day long.....or run a marathon....or ride a bike!  But as I drove, I was thinking about some things happening in my life and I discovered another HUGE motivator.  I'm TOTALLY motivated now!  This weight is coming off, there is no question about it!

Averasboro Battlefield (Tiny little battlefield....the graveyard and slave cabin intrigued me most)

Transportation Museum (evolution of transportation in the area)

Geocaching in Historic town

Museum of Cape Fear (shows the history of people in the area from native Americans to the Antebellum Age)

Poe House  (Built by Edgar Allen Poe...not the poet....beautifully preserved/restored and the artifacts that are directly tied to the house that they have are incredible examples of the Victorian era)

I headed a bit further south to where my hotel was.  I searched and found a little locally owned BBQ place to eat named Tommy's.  

As I was pulling out of the parking lot an older gentleman ran toward my car and motioned for me to wind my window down.  Turns out that it was Tommy...the owner.   He was an ex cop who opened this business in his retirement.  He wanted to make sure that I liked the food and that I was not leaving hungry!.   I assured him and talked to him a few minutes.  I didn't tell him that I saved room to head out to Cook Out for a milkshake for dessert!   Ha ha ha

I relaxed and slept well.  In the morning I headed to Charleston, SC

I hit up the Run Expo....then headed to the Fire Museum of Charleston. (More geared toward kids, but it was still cool)

A quick lunch at McAlister's Deli (Yeah, a chain, but not one I can get at home!)

and then I was off to Charles Towne Landing and zoo (museum about the first settlers of South Carolina)

By that time my friend was arriving so I went to meet her.....lots of talking, laughter all evening.

We started to talk about our weight and some goals.....We worked up a plan!  (more on that later)

Saturday morning....calling for thunderstorms, lightening and rain.    We totally wimped out.  (I didn't fight at all when she said she wasn't running!).  And lets be fair....if I had been trained and ready to run, nothing would have stopped me from going.  I would have told her "great", get your butt to the race course and take some pictures of me as I run by!  But I wasn't ready.    Instead we went site seeing and spent the day talking and catching up!

Drayton Hall (TOTALLY worth it!)  This is an old plantation.....that is being preserved NOT restored!   Quite neat actually!

Why yes, they are real alligators...

The Angel Oak Tree (really old tree)

Charleston Tea Plantation (apparently a tea farm/plantation in North America is rare...especially one that processes their own tea themselves!)

Some more geocaching..... 

Then Sullivan's Beach

And we ended our evening with a late evening Ghost tour in downtown Charleston.   

It was a full day!  

I drove home on Sunday.  I was sad to leave Charleston.   I was sad to say goodbye to my friend.   I was utterly excited and maybe even a bit giddy to get home to see Jason.  I am utterly motivated and ready to lose this weight!

So Sue and I sat down and created some goals for each of us.   We are already planning to go CONQUER the Cooper River Bridge Run next year!   My goals for the next year are as follows!  (she has her own goals)

My Goals

1.  Beat personal record for 10K which is 1:19  (all running...no walk breaks)  
2.  Weight at or  below 180 pounds (51.6 pounds)
3.  Exercise consistently 3x's a week
4.  Track food each day
5.  Stay accountable all year long...checking in on Wednesdays
6.  get totally off diet sodas (again)
7.  take a picture of progress every 10 pounds
8.  large reward will be something fun (extra day, neat site seeing venture, something) at Charleston next year when we smash the 2017 Cooper River Bridge Run

I may not have run the 10K...but I did get a fair amount of walking/steps/miles in on my trip!   

March 30  7.34 miles

March 31  3.26 miles 

April 1   6.08 miles

April 2   8.16 miles

April 3   1.45 miles (not bad because the traffic was horrible and the 9 hours in the car ended up to be 12 hours in the car!)

The verdict on the scales from the weekend?  I'm down about 2 pounds from where I was last mid week weigh in....so MAYBE this week will look nice when I do my official weigh in!  (and that would give me a REALLY nice start to my years goals as I based my numbers on my last official weigh in!!)