Not Without A Fight

 

In my last post I wrote about my updated diagnosis.  I wrote about the prognosis, which wasn’t a shock…not really.  Yet I was shocked.

 

You see, I was diagnosed with arthritis 27 years ago when I was 29 years old.  I learned ticks and hints to keep my knees from hurting.  In fact, there were long stretches in that period where I barely felt any twinge of arthritis pain.  Let me tell you, those periods were glorious.   However, I wasn’t really doing anything to forestall the arthritis getting bad.  I wasn’t really doing anything but living my life.  Sure, I knew that the arthritis was there…. but in the far distant future we would deal with that.  That was my thinking!  My head was firmly in the sand and ignoring the problem.  I wanted to lose…and I knew that my weight would help the knee issue.  But well, you can see how that has turned out for me.

 

So that is where the stupid comments came from.  I knew that I was hurtling toward a more dire diagnosis…..I just ignored it!  Stupid.

 

The diagnosis that I received this past week was dire.  The doctor held out no hope that this pain would ease up.  We are now in treat the pain mode with an expected acceleration of methods of treating said pain. 

 

But here is where I am struggling now.  “It’s JUST arthritis”  Yes, that is what I overheard someone say.  JUST….JUST…JUST.    (Ok, ignoring the ruptured baker’s cyst…..)   BUT that is what is making my blood boil.  Because it is not JUST arthritis.

It’s terminal!   Not in terms of death.  But this very well could be the death of my Zumba classes that I just rediscovered (and that I love).   This diagnosis could very well be the end of my hiking up mountains.  This diagnosis could very well be the end of any pain free day.  It is very terminal to my way of life. 

 

That is depressing!  I am not ready to give up hiking.  I don’t want to give up Zumba.  I have been hoping to lose a bit of weight and start running.   Things I love.  Things that may never happen again for me.  It could be quite terminal for those hobbies!

 

 

But I have to tell you, I am hoping and praying that he is wrong.  I am hoping that this really is a flare up, just like I have been having for years (albeit a worse one that started with that baker’s cyst issue).   I am hoping that the pain eases. 

I accept it.  I have already started different supplements…or as I call it my potions and lotions. I have also gotten quite serious about actually losing the weight.  Recommitted (again).  I recommitted 4 days ago and I am down 2 pounds.   Early days yet, but I'm tickled with the 2 pounds!

 

I also have been researching moves that a PT would use for someone in my situation…because obviously what the personal trainer was not the right thing. (HA).  So I have a whole list of  knee exercises for people with arthritis to build strengh (And they don't include the personal trainers method of deep knee squats and lots of resistance training on those knees.) 

 

 I have been reading and researching some other things about arthritis .....and read somewhere that my current flare up could be because of an imbalance in my muscles....the thighs and/or calves being too strong and putting pressure and more weight on the knee (ok I explained that horribly).  THe answer.......build up the booty muscles....the glutes.   I watched a few of videos from a PT and the comments were very encouraging.   Let the butt help carry the weight. 

 

 

I may be depressed, but I am not going to go down without a fight!!!