A dead horse: repetitive cycle in weight loss efforts

How many times have I said this is it, things are changing?  How often have I said, enough is enough?  How many restarts?  I feel as if I’m a broken record as I stumble through this weight loss journey!  Seriously...I’m beating a dead horse with the same lines. The same words.  The same approach.  I want to lose weight.  That had never changed!  But when it comes time to put in the effort I begin to struggle.  I struggle with giving up my favorite foods.  I struggle with starting a consistent exercise routine. I struggle with consistency!  And therefore, I struggle with losing weight.

Seriously...how many restarts/fresh starts have I written about on this blog? Here is one where I made a plan, a vow, a fresh start!  I can garauntee that there are many many many more!  But you know what? That’s just fine!  It’s ok if I have 100, 1000 or even 10,000  fresh starts during the last 14 years that this site has been in existence. Why?  Because it shows that the desire is still there!  It does however also give me a very good idea of my weak spot....longevity!  But it shows that I’m still in the game!

So yes, fresh start!   February has not been a stellar month for me.  How so??   Exercise had been practically non existent.   Eating had been  spotty...some good days, some mediocre days all interspersed with some bad days.  And the worst part of the month???  I am perilously close to ending the month and showing a gain on the scales!  I am still within my three pound range that I’m ok within, but there is NO loss for the month!  I told you it’s bad!

Can I pull aome magic out of the hat and somehow show a loss for February?  It’s possible!  Honestly I have my fingers crossed....but likely?  Probably not!  In the meantime I’m going to knuckle down and really focus on staying committed to being healthy!  That includes nutritional eating (eating for nutritional value and what the food does to fuel my body) and adding good exercise into my life.  

This weekend I made a good effort on the activity front (I did eat some nutritional food also...not 100% on target but not off the rails bad either!)

On Friday I walked on my lunch break!  It was colder but still a nice break from the day!

On Saturday morning I made it out for a run!  

And on Sunday we walked for about an hour or so AND got a 20 minute bike ride in through our neighborhood!   (Sorry no pics!)

So I have made an effort!!!!!!  No I need to work on consistency!!!  I’ve got this!  I CAN change my life!  I can live healthy!!!!

Friday!!!

I know I know!  I took a day off work on Wednesday due to snow...so I shouldn’t be so anxious and ready for the weekend to get here.  But I am!  I can’t help it!

This week was NOT a stellar week in terms of my health and the healthy lifestyle that I want to live.   Let me recap!

Ok eating.  My weekend was super high in calories.  Higher than I’ve been in a while.  I knew it was going to be that way going into the weekend. But it still left me feeling...well...guilty!  Guilt is not something I want to feel should I chose to indulge for a single day...or a single weekend!  I will be having to think and ponder on  this a bit deeper in the future. Honestly, I didn’t realize what I was feeling about the weekend was guilt until just right now.     Before I go on.  Let me say...my weekend wasn’t horrible.  I was right at 2000 calories. Both days.  Theoretically that should still have me lose a half pound a week!  But be that as I may.   I came back and got myself under control...with my eating in terms of calories!   (With the exception of Wednesday, the snow day!  And even then I was only at the top top of my ‘acceptable’ range.)

Exercise....well I started out strong on the weekend with an outdoor run!  I promised myself that I was running after work on Monday and Tuesday (as a starter and any further days would be decided based on the weather as they were forecasting a ‘significant snow storm’).    I had great intentions.  I got in my car after work and knew I was running....within a half hour I was waffling...back and forth.  ‘I’m running...no I’m not running, I’ll start tomorrow...no I’m doing it’.  Back and forth for the whole hour drive!  I didn’t run on Monday.   On Tuesday I was determined!  I was running!   Yeah...I had the same argument in my head on the way home on Tuesday also!   My fat mini me won!  (My mini me is that voice in my head that tells me I’m fat.  It’s the voice that tells me to eat the cake and cookies...to not exercise and that when I am exercising that I can’t do it!!! Mini me had made many appearances in posts within this blog.) On Wednesday it was snowy and Jason and I were both home from work.   We got out and walked for about an hour in the snow! Walking through 6 inches of unplowed snow is a workout!!!  

So because of that the week wasn’t a total bust in terms of exercise.   (Oh Thursday I gave up and didn’t even plan on running...shame on me!)

So I guess when out that way, the week hasn’t been a total waste.  I did do something exercise (a run on Saturday, a short walk on Sunday and a long walk on Wednesday). And while I was over  goal on calories for the weekend it wasn’t insane AND I went right back to normal eating when we got home.   My weight is not budging....but I plan on tightening my belt and making that move!   I’m tired of wasting time...not being focused and not seeing results.   It will be hard today...I was halfway down the road when I realized that I had left my breakfast and lunch at home....and tonight is always order food for deliver for dinner which is typically my splurge meal for the week.   So I have to be careful my options that I chose in the cafeteria today!!!!

I want:

I want......  Really.  Stop and think about how to finish off the beginning of the sentence!  There is no wrong answer.  There is no way to get this pop quiz wrong.  Simply, what do you want out of life.   What are those dreams, goals, visions of the future???  What do you want?

I want...ok, I keep wanting to break into song......’I want money, lots and lots of money’.    (Why yes I did just age myself by referencing a song that came out in 1989.). But I keep saying to myself...I want....and while money does seem like a really good answer, that is NOT the driving force behind my dreams and hopes.  We have recently been talking a lot about our goals and dreams for our future...lots of little things...like renting versus buying....working for someone else versus setting up shop for ourselves (ok for him, replacing my car that had 253k miles on it, etc . Lots of things for the future...and in that regard we are working on cleaning up some loose ends from our lives ...things that we have both procrastinated doing...things that just need to be done.  (My name off of the property that I owned with my ex is one of them!).   But as we have talked we have set up plans On how to reach these goals and steps we need to take to get where we would like to be at some point in the future.   We have declared 2019 the year to clean it up and seriously work toward the future.  But that made me think...what do I want in terms of my health and fitness?

I want......

I want to live a healthy life and be able to hike mountains, ride a wicked bike trail, go on some crazy adventure, do anything I want to and NOT be held back by my weight and lack of physical fitness.

I want to feel good in clothes.  I want to be able to shop anywhere and not have to say ‘I can’t fit in the clothes at this store...maybe someday’.

I want to be as physically fit (or better) as I was a few years ago!  I was still overweight, but I was pretty active and pretty fit!!!

I want to live.  I didn’t find the love of my life until I was in my 40’s (and he really is the love of my life).  I want to be with him for many many more years to come.  Can we make it to 50 years together?  If I take care of myself I can live into my 90’s!!  So yes it’s possible...and we are aiming to celebrate 50 years together!  46 more to go!  (And we are so happy together...even if just taking a walk in a snowstorm!)

So what is the plan I need to follow???   What do I need to do to attain these goals???  Change my lifestyle!   Continue tracking...religiously watching calories and get out and move!!!  That’s what spurred me to run on Saturday before we left for our weekend adventure!   The actual goal with a definitive plan!!

Missing in Action in weight loss land

I know, I know, I know!  I have been mysteriously quiet in my blog.  Last week I did manage to post two times...but while I was proud of the content, they were seriously lacking in personal details about my healthy lifestyle/weight loss life.  That is because they were things that I had written a week or two earlier....I wrote nothing last week.  I know...that is typically a bad sign in any weight loss blog/website!  I don’t know what happened to me.  I just really was not feeling the journey last week!  REALLY not feeling it!

So did I go off the rails with my eating?   Absolutely not!!!   Through my lackluster attitude I continued to track each and every day!   I actually managed to keep my calories within my goal range except for two days. The first day was Friday  and I WOULD have been ok except for one thing....Girl Scout Cookies.  I’ll get there in a moment.   But for the week I didn’t do too badly.  I didn’t get any formal exercise through the workweek and while I had fleeting moments of thought about it, I just didn’t ‘feel’ it.  So I didn’t.   Bad choice....sometimes we have to do things we don’t particularly want to do!  Saturday was just plain and simple a planned indulgence as we were away for a weekend getaway (more on that later also!).  Friday’s calories were 1900...Saturday’s?? 2200!  Yikes!!!  I haven’t even put in yesterday’s calories yet...that’s coming up as soon as I hit the publish button on this post. I don’t expect it to be super high...but it’s not 1200 I bet!!  I rarely go over 1500...that’s my normal ‘high’!

Something clicked at the very end of the week last week and I knew that I wanted to be thin.  I knew that I wanted to be healthy.  I knew that I was willing to make the changes necessary.  So on Saturday morning while I laid in bed in my cozy warm cocoon,  I knew what I had to do.   I had to leave that warmth and go out for a run.   Out in the cold!  I scowled.  I moaned.  I delayed it as long as I could...but I knew I had to go!  So I crawled out of bed and went for a run before we left for our weekend adventure!

Short but brutal run is done!

I did it!  And I took a picture as proof!!!  They say the first step is the hardest...we shall see!!!  It may have been negated by the planned indulgence in my food when while we were away...but I at least took the steps to try to even and balance things out!!

Sooo Girl Scout Cookies?   On Thursday, the owners of the building that my company is located within had one of their giveaway/events in the lobby.  (Sometimes it’s a dessert bar, sometimes it’s free popcorn...any number of things) They do this particular one every year about this time.  What is this one?  They give out Girl Scout Cookies!   Not a cookie, they give everyone a box of Girl Scout Cookies.   Last year I got my box of Tagalongs and immediately went home and packaged them up in ziplock snack bags... two in each bag.  It worked splendidly!   This year I wasn’t so smart! I opened the box on Thursday night and extracted the amount of cookies I wanted to eat (aka what my calorie count had room for).  I carried those cookies into the living room and savored them!    Friday nights I made a fatal flaw.   I grabbed the box and took the box into the living room.  I extracted 4 cookies (two servings which is bad to begin with...but at least still somewhat limited!). I ate them and continued to watch tv.   That box stared me in the face.  Do I really have to go into detail about what went down?suffice it to say that the EMPTY box went into the garbage can when I got up to go to bed!   700 calories of Girl Scout Cookies....the Tagalongs!!!  Well that was a stupid move!!!

As previously mentioned, we planned  to go away for the weekend!  We were both so utterly excited!!!!  We went to our favorite hotel...and just enjoyed stepping away from the normal hum drum aspect of life.  It was a good weekend.   We relaxed.  We hit up some stores and did a little bit of outdoor activities.  (It was cold and breezy so not too much).  It was just what we needed.   I may have even needed a weekend of ‘planned aplurge’ To step away from the constant onslaught of emotions and thoughts that are constantly forefront in my mind in regards to my choices about food.  And now it’s monday and I am ready to rock this healthy living!!!

Ruler of my Weight: What rules my healthy lifestyle choices

I am in the midst of trying to change my lifestyle to one that is more solidly based on healthy principles.  This is an awesome and wise shift in thinking.  But along with that I think it is important to figure out how this unhealthy lifestyle came about. Or in other words....what rules my lifestyle choices.

Now there could be a multitude of reasons why someone finds themselves overweight and why the maintain that higher unhealthier weight.   It can be different for each and every person who is battling this journey.  It can be simply that a person is a social eater and happens to be very social.  It could be a hormonal problem or based on a side affect from medication.  (Just to name a few).  But for me?  Food is my addiction.

An addiction is the ruler of my life...and the mastermind behind my weight problem.  I’m lucky...I’m not addicted to some illegal substance.  I’m not addicted to nicotine.  I’m not even addicted to caffeine.  (Not anymore).  I’m addicted to the power of food and how it makes me feel.  But I’m unlucky because a food addiction is so frequently overlooked as a valid and real addiction in today’s society.

I eat for happiness.  I eat through sadness.  I eat because I am addicted to the ‘high’ or feeling of contentment that food fills me with.  

I recognize this.  I have talked about it quite a few times over the years   But talking about it doesn’t make it easier.  It’s not an excuse. But it IS a stepping stone for understanding why I am the way I am.  The knowledge IS a tool that I can use to overcome my battles with my weight and healthy lifestyle journey.

Luckily, a food addiction is one that is not based on a physical addiction...so when I deny myself I won’t be physically ill.   But rather....it’s a mental addiction....an addiction in the mind.  It’s just as hard to overcome...but with the knowledge of what my ‘ruler’ is, I have a better chance at overcoming!  

With this knowledge I can remind myself that I handing a second helping will not make me feel better....even though my addiction tells me that it will! I have to tell myself that the indulgence in the dessert when I’m not really hungry may make me feel better emotionally...but only for a few moments! And addiction based emotional response is only temporary. I have to retrain my mind to not listen to the voices of the addiction that tell me to eat!  Knowledge is power!

So what is your Ruler?  What was the catalyst to your current weight?  What is the internal reason that brought you to this point?   Once you have that figured out, you can make a plan to really fight whatever demon caused the excess weight!

Stars stars everywhere: a plan for staying on track

Over the multitude of years on this healthy lifestyle journey I have changed my operating procedure quite a few times.  I have tried all sorts of things.  I have counted points with weight watchers and calculated calories with a variety of different websites and apps on my phone.  I have monitored exercise with stickers in 

my day planner and kept track of my running in a running journal.  I have swung wildly through various different means of organization as I work on this lifestyle. 

 There is no right way.  Something that works for someone may not work for someone else.  One of my friends shuts down if it becomes competitive….yet I thrive on competition.  Just look at   me a few years ago when Jason and I had a competition going with running. I worked to match him mile for mile because I was NOT going to let him get ahead.  I didn’t want to lose and I DEFINITELY wanted to gloat!   So competition works for me!   Sometimes though, what worked for me last month or last year  might no longer work for me.  It really is a constant adjustment to match our tactics and efforts to stay the course on this healthy lifestyle with up to date and current ideas, plans and goals.

A while back I was using a streak tracker.  I liked it, but it was hard to ‘live’ because if I fell off track one day it messed up my streak.   I stopped using it because it didn’t allow me to live and be healthy....it was too restrictive. 

So that brings me to my current thought.  I don’t know how well it will work and it may be gone by the end of the month,  but I’m going to give it a go.  I have seen something similar over the years and I have done versions of the same thing over the years, usually just for one aspect of my healthy living.  It just seemed like it was the right thing to do at this point in my life.  I quickly decided that I wanted simplicity.  I didn’t want an extra notebook or extra anything, it had to fit into my life…and any tracking had to fit into my current day planner.  So without further ado, I announce my star plan.

This is a very simple plan.  Every day in my day planner I will be giving myself a star for certain activities.  I am giving myself some ‘freebie’ activities that are easy to earn the star and some stars require more work.   So what can I do to earn a star?

1.        Track my food every day. (an easy star)

2.       Weigh myself every day .  (another easy star)

3.       Exercise at least 20 minutes, 4 days a week. It doesn’t matter if it’s walking, running, crawling or whatnot….exercise 20 minutes!  (not so easy star……well it’s easy to do….hard to get going to do it!)

4.       Keep my food level in my appropriate predetermined range….for me this is between 1200 calories and 1530 calories.  (why those calories?   1530 is the amount that myfitnesspal says I can eat and still lose 1.5 pounds a week….which is still a respectable figure).  I figure that this needs to be done 6 days a week.  (Ok, it should be 7… and most weeks I can manage that just fine, but I need to account for ‘life’ happening and embrace the fact that there will be failures!)

5.       Stay on the low end of my calorie goal 2 days a week.  This is 1300 calories or under.  Realistically, I would like this to be lower also….but once again….I’m embracing life and saying “I would rather lose slowly but in a healthy sustainable manner”

So what does this mean?  35 stars per week would be an absolutely perfect week.  It would mean that I tracked and kept my food at 1200-1300 each day, I weighted every day AND I exercised each day for 20 minutes.   Absolutely perfect!  But I’m not aiming for perfect.  I am aiming for   living life and making this work for me and allowing myself to have days where I stumble.  SO to have a win?  I am aiming for 26 stars each week!

26 stars each week.  

For the month of February (28 days) I need to accumulate 104 stars

For a month with 30 days, I need 108 stars

For a month with 31 days I need 110 stars.

Easy peasy!  It is a silly mind game….it is a stilly method to keep myself on track.  But guess what…every time I open my day planner, I’ll see those stars and know what I need to do!   It may be silly, but if it works….that’s all that that matters. 

Touching down on Friday: weekly healthy lifestyle report

What a week! Welcome Friday and the upcoming weekend!  I made some changes this weekend.  Have they made a difference?  In some ways maybe…in other ways it’s too soon to tell.  But we will get there. 

The first line of business is the challenge.   I have done really well.  I continue to track my food and I’ve been really good about keeping my calories in check…so I am earning a check mark (Star) for each day!  GO me!  Exercise…..I failed last week, but I am nailing this week and I have made up some of my missed time from last week…ok, not some….ALL of my missed time from last week has been made up! As I mentioned on Monday, we walked on Sunday….and I walked during my lunch breaks!   The weather was fantastic and it was neat to walk outside in really nice weather (74 degrees) around a lake that was still frozen!  

So I walked on ………..  On Monday night I even walked after work with Jason!  Go me!!!  By Wednesday I had recouped my missed time and sat at 185 minutes….and my goal by today was at 160 minutes so anything toward the end of the week was above and beyond.  The latter part of the week was a little less exercise...the weather kept me in during my lunch break (threatening rain).

 

It is true, I am only walking…but I have to start somewhere!   Some gals at my job decided to do squats every once in a while (at predetermined times)  at our desks (when we can amidst our work)….I have been doing some squats and WOAH…my legs are on fire!  All those squats that I used to do in Zumba made my legs strong and a few  squats didn’t affect me…but boy oh boy do they affect me now!

This week I decided to go back to something that I’ve done in the past.  I decided to use protein powder and make a protein shake as part of my lunch.  I went to the store and debated which powder to buy.  I ended up buying a handful of single use packs to try some.  I got home and laughed because the ones that interested me were all the same brand.   But that’s fine.

On Monday I tried the Garden of Eden Organic Whey…chocolate with Peanut butter.  It was Delicious!  I didn’t have any aftertaste or negative thoughts. 

On Tuesday I was anxious to try the Garden of Eden Organic Whey…the same as Monday…but Strawberry flavor.  Once again I LOVED IT!

I figured Wednesday would be a repeat of deliciousness.  Afterall, it was the same brand…just a different type!   I chose the Garden of Eden Protein with Greens…vanilla flavor.  Holy cow…YUCK!  It felt like I was drinking chalk!   This will NOT be a repeat!
So day three was so horrible that I just couldn’t bear to try it again on Thursday or Friday!  (The ones I have left to try are in this same ‘family’ of protein packets...the raw protein).   I do know that when I go shopping this week I will pick up a big jug of the first kind I tried.  I’m trying to decide...strawberry or chocolate peanut butter?  Or should I just sink the money and buy both???

I have grand plans for a tracking system for me. Simple and easy!   I’m trying it out....and if it works I will be sharing it shortly!   Meanwhile, I vowed this weekend that I was going to start running.  And what do you know?  I’m feeling sick!  (Cough, sore throat and just exhausted!).  It seems like every time I make plans and I’m determined that life throws me a curve ball!  Oh well!

So I am trucking on and working on this healthy lifestyle thing!   Perseverance is the key!!!!

Effort: the effect on weight loss

Effort.  What a simple word.  Defined by the dictionary it means “a vigorous or determined attempt”.    We put forth effort all day and every day.  On those mornings where it’s really cold outside and you just don’t want to get out of bed and have to brave the cold to go to work?   You expend effort to get moving.  You put forth effort when it comes to cleaning your house, cooking dinner, completing your tasks at work.   All sorts of effort is expended.  But what about effort when it pertains to weight loss?  What effort is there?  How do our efforts parlay into success….or failure?

A while back I saw a statement on a blog that I regularly read .  It talked about effort and there was something that stuck out at me….a connection that I made in my head.   I popped the phrase into my data base in my mind and I sat on it a while.  I may be totally twisting what the message was in the original post, but it’s what has come around in MY head from a simple post!  So without further ado, I have two mathematical equations for you.  Ok, don’t panic…they are SUPER easy!

1.         Effort   =  The joy of success

2.        Lack of Effort  = absolute  failure

I told you they were easy didn’t I?  So simply put….if I put in the effort, I can reap the joys of success….but if I fail to even make an effort I fail.  Woah now…. So one brings most probablesuccess and the other one is absolute failure?   What kind of nincompoop would chose the absolute failure?    Who wants to fail?  No one!  It is human nature to want to be successful in all of our endeavors.

So once we get to this point in our thinking we can safely assume that to have success, you must have effort!  I will go further and say that if you never put forth any effort, that you will never be successful.  (I will qualify this by saying that there are extenuating circumstances that can bring around successful weight loss without effort….I mean….we could all have some horrible accident that causes us to break our jaw, requiring it to be wired shut for months……a liquid diet absorbed in pain may do the trick without actual effort!  But the AVERAGE person will need to expend effort to show success!)

Is there risk in the effort?  Well of course.   There is always a risk in pushing ourselves forward and putting effort into something.  But what rewards would you be able to reap if you try????  Amazing, joyful success!  

So it really boils down to a decision.  You can weigh the possible risk with the possible benefits of success?  But in the end, really think about it….because if you never try, what hope do you have of success?   NONE!

Here we go again: a new week to restart this healthy journey

Here we are.  It’s the dawn of another week.   Another perfect opportunity to start anew on this healthy journey!  And of course it’s the perfect time to reflect on the past week!  I’ e got lots to talk about today.  I’ve got some deep thoughts about my weight and fitness level and how it relates as I get older.  I have an update on the challenge I accepted and started a week ago.  And of course I have my weekend update to share. (Don’t we all live for the weekends??)

So let’s first talk about this challenge.  Last Saturday I wrote a post and talked about accepting a challenge (or two).  The challenges were quite simple.  The first was my food...keep my food in my goal range 6 of the 7 days of the week.  The second challenge I set for myself was to exercise 4 days of the week for 20 minutes.    The first goal...with my eating I NAILED!  I did very good!  I did use my cheat day, but everything went well!  The second goal?  Well theoretically it should have been easy...remember how often I walk on my lunch break...netting me 20-30 minutes of walking each day?  Now to mention that I walk on my 15 minute breaks!!!????  Yup, I remember!  Ohhh yeah, I don’t do that in the winter because it’s snowy and cold?  Drat!   I knew this though going into the challenge and set my goal accordingly!  I started out the challenge strong with a 45 minute short hike on a local nature trail.

And that was the end of it for the week!  So one day equaling 45 minutes!  I have lots of excuses...serious ones also...it was cold....frigidly so! It was snowy!!!

The cold and snow (snow at least two days...maybe three...they are all running together in my mind) made for some horrible commutes so I got home late!  So valid excuses...but excuses nonetheless!  So anyway, this week I need to step up my game, I’ve got ground to make up!!!

We talked a lot about my mom the other night. . Mom has been struggling for a while.  She is wobbly and unstable when she walks.  She is achy and hurts when she moves. She is struggling.  My brother and I both separately came to the conclusion that she is letting any muscle tone she had slip away.  This is happening as a result of a few things.  She is honestly battling depression still as she grieves over the loss of my father..her husband of over 50 years and that can’t be helped....it’s natural grieving.  But the inactivity and lack of motivation to move is adding to the issues.  The issue?  Mom has never been overly active, so she was already starting at a deficit.  So the inactive has hastened the progression of muscle loss.  Mom is struggling with arthritis...so movement hurts and she struggles to get over the hurdle of ‘it hurts but I keep moving because I know it’s good for me’.   It’s just not  easy for her.   And it’s really concerning for my brother and I ...and Jason and my sister in law also.   So jason and I were talking about it after our visit on Saturday.  We talked about mom but then the conversation segued into our health as we approach a more elderly age. It, in many ways is motivation for us...for me to really get the weight off. It is motivation for me to get stronger.  It is motivation for me to fix my problems NOW.  Each year that passes I see that it is more difficult for my body to lose weight ...and that isn’t going to change!  But if I do it now...it will be easier than next year...which will be easier than 10 years or even 20 years from now!  I’m going to get old, nothing can stop the progression as long as I’m living.  So it’s time to focus on getting healthy so that the progression is as easy as possible!!!   

So we had a full weekend.  On Saturday we ran a few errands.  We spent a few hours with Jason’s parents and then went to my brother’s place for dinner and birthday cake to celebrate my niece and nephews birthday.  It was a nice day spent with family.  Not very active...but good for the soul!!!!

On Sunday the weather was cool but nice!  (40° give or take)  we got out and walked quite a bit....we checked out a new park that we hadn’t been to and walked all around downtown.  We checked out the melting ice sculptures from the Saturday night fire and ice event in downtown Frederick. 

We  ran a few errands and we enjoyed a day together.

So I did walk about 2 hours or so...but I’m only counting 60 minutes toward my goal.   Part of the walk  was strolling a bit...so I figure that’s only right!!!  I’m going to rock this week and not only make my goals...I’m going to exceed!!!

On the path to health: goal review

Where in the world did January go????  I blinked and it’s gone!!!!   But with the end of January and the beginning of February it is time to report on my January goals and set some perameters for February!

In January I set a mission for myself.   It wasn’t anything in depth...but it turned out to be a perfect plan for me!  My mission for January???

1. Track every bite of food
2.  Put money into my savings
3.  Weight less than I do now!  I don't care if it's a measly ounce...I want to weigh less!
4.  Do something active (a walk suffices) at least 3 times a week.

I am proud to say that I tracked every darn bite!   Ironically I found that if I was tracking, even though there was no goal or plan to keep my calories in check that I just naturally worked to keep my calories in check!   But I had the freedom to still mess up...I only had to track!!!  So I totally nailed this one!!

I am happy to announce that my savings account grew!!!   Woohoo!   (And it should start growing faster soon....I found out the other morning that I was given a promotion at work....a grade level higher.  So a promotion in my career and a bigger pay check!)

I was sweating out this next goal...which was to weigh less!   On January 1 I weighed 252.8.....I dropped mid month to 250.8.  And then my weight went up for some unknown reason....but I managed to pull off a 251.6 to end the month.   It’s a loss of 1.2!   I said I would be happy if it were a loss of ANYTHING...well I am happy!   Slow is better than nothing...and it’s much better than a gain!!

The last one...exercise....fail....fail...fail!  Miserably so!   I got some walks/hikes in on the weekend...but my three times a week?  It just didn’t happen!!

Sooo. What are February goals looking like???  Honestly, quite similar!!    The big difference is that I’m going to put a bit more restrictions on my food...but loose enough that I can still ‘fail’ but succeed!!!  So without further ado....

1.  Track every bite of food

2.  Put money into my savings
3.  Weight less than I do now!  I don't care if it's a measly ounce...I want to weigh less!
4.  Do something active (a walk suffices) at least 3 times a week.

5.  Keep my calories within my caloric range at least six days a week....with and emphasis on getting the calories to the lower end of that range as often as possible!  

So pretty much the same goals...just a bit of a restriction in saying that I have to be within my caloric range!   So there you have it, past, present and future goals!  

A glitch in thinking: weight loss emotions

How often do we feel like giving up??? How often do we just want to throw in the towel and say ‘enough is enough’.  I’m done attempting to do this weight loss thing.  It is bound to happen.  And happen it did to me this week!

After my fabulous weekend when I smashed my goals but showed a gain on the scales I headed into the work week super motivated to knock this weight loss into high gear.   I had already stocked the house with healthy snacks and nutritious foods so I was ready!

On Monday I rolled through my day pretty well.  I kept to my plan and honestly feel as if I did well.   And the scales still didn’t budge!   So on Tuesday while I stayed on plan....I really dealt with a whole lot of emotional angst!  My underlying thought that tippled through my brain at regular intervals was the concept of ‘is this even worth it?’   I mean, I like myself.  I’m head over heels in love and he doesn’t seem to mind my excess weight. So seriously...why am I torturing myself?   What in the world am I doing?

Now even as I write this a day later, part of me just wants to end the post right there.   But I have to be fair....I am doing this for a variety of reasons.

I want to be fit and active.   I want to be able to hike and ride my bike and do things.  I want to wear neat clothes and not be self conscious about my body.  And I want to be the way I was when I lost the weight.  I had so much energy, I had so much pep in my step, I felt on top of the world!  I want that.

But yet...on days where progress is just not happening I question my determination to do this to completion!

I am still working on this.  I don’t know what the problem is.  In an e-mail to a friend yesterday I talked about where I’m at.  It seems as if the only thing I can do is drop my calories to 1200...because I’m not losing at 1500 calories.   I didn’t want to do that because that level is very ‘restrictive’ and I have been trying to find a balance...even if it is a much slower weight loss journey for me....it would be a good trade off.  But that said, I’m barely maintaining at 1500 calories.  Tracking every bite...my food for yesterday??  Banana for breakfast...side salad with cheese (for protein) with honey mustard dressing (the only non veggie things in the salad was the cheese and salad dressing) and I also had some cut up fresh pineapple for lunch.     For dinner I had a cup of leftover spaghetti and a bowl of vegetarian three bean chili ....I had fat free sour cream with the chili....I was still hungry so I ended my dinner with 1/2 cup cottage cheese....which hit the spot.   

That is a typical day.   Banana for breakfast, fruit and a salad (or a pb&j) for lunch, and a nututious balanced dinner.    (Tonight is a Parmesan Chicken, Baked zucchini Parmesan and another side veggie or roasted potatoes...as yet undetermined...pretty balanced)

So who knows!  I have not given up...just allowing my emotional angst to play itself out and hopefully go away!  

We had snow lasts night...and now cold.  Lucky us (and lucky most people in the stares as the cold is pretty widespread!). So I will leave you with a snow picture!!

In the meantime....I’ll keep fighting the emotional demons down!!!

Did I smmmmmaash the pattern: yo-yo weight

The weekend has ended.  I sit here almost ready to head to work to start this new week!   I had grand plans for the weekend!  I was so going to smash the cycle that I’ve been in for months.  I had a plan and I vowed to have some fun over the weekend also.  So how did I do?

The weekend was a success with my eating.  I had vowed to not snack and not indulge in non nutritious foods when I got hungry.   On Saturday that meant that I had a banana.  On Sunday that meant that I had a small bowl of cottage cheese.   I also kept my calories in check and feel good about my food intake.   Win!!!!

My next goal for the weeekend was to drink at least 64 ounces of water, my water consumption on the weekend is usually lacking.   I nailed this one too!   I got over 64 ounces both days...although I will admit that on Sunday I squeezed my win out by the skin of my teeth!!!  Win!!

I walked for about 35 minutes on Saturday!   

Cold walk around the perimeter of the field while Jason flew his drone.

We also took a short hike for 45 minutes on Sunday!!!!  

Cold creek on our walk along a trail!  No swimming today!

Exercise too!   A bonus win!!!!

So my weight....did I smash the goal????  Cue the self deprecating laughter.   Oh yeah, I smashed this goal!   But not in a good way.   The cycle has been that over the weekend my weight drops then oops back up on Monday or Tuesday.  Well....my weight never dropped this past weekend!   So while my goal was to let it drop and KEEP it low and this smash the cycle...I guess I can say that I did smash the pattern because the cycle was broken in that my weight never dropped!

So why did my weight never drop?   Who knows.  I know that my monthly water retention weight gain  is upon me...I did have some more saltier/sodium laden foods.   But I didn’t break the bank in calories and I ate healthy, nutritious food!   So who knows!  I’m not giving up...I’m still staying the course!!!

Challenge accepted: and a rare Saturday post

Ahhh. A rare Saturday post!!!!  But I was reading fellow blogs today and couldn’t not post.  I wanted to get this info out there ASAP!!!

I have accepted two challenges.   They are both by fellow bloggers and they both start on Sunday the 27th!  (However if your reading this a bit later...feel free to join me...just adjust your numbers to accommodate the late start!!)  The first is through the blog mystalkerisfat .  This challenge sounds like something right up my alley!  There is no heavy tracking or anything like that.  It is nice and simple and allows some wiggle room for life that gets crazy!

How it works?  First decide how many days a week you want to be active.  (Ok not want...WILL be active). I am choosing 4.  Next how long will you be active those four days?  I am choosing 20 minutes.  (I was thinking 30...but I am woefully lame right now so I am starting small!).  This challenge goes to the end of February...which is 5 weeks.  Calculate how many minutes that is over the next five weeks.  So I took 4 days times my 20 minutes = 80 minute. Then I took the 80 minutes and multiplied that by 5 weeks =  600 minutes!    Boom!  I have my goal ...600 minutes!!!

It’s as easy as simply writing down my numbers of minutes in my dayplanner and adding them together however often I chose to add!  (Weekly?  Lol)

The second challenge... it is at spinningmywheels   It goes hand in hand with the first challenge...except that this is more food related. It is also a marvel in simplicity! Track your food daily....AND stay under your caloric goal every day except one cheat day (or I will add in , stay under you WW daily goal if you are WW) .  I like this...it still allows you one day to ‘mess up’ be it on purpose or accidental!   I have been preaching for a while that this is life and life is NOT perfect...so embrace and plan for the failure  because it will happen!  This challenge does just that by giving us that cheat day.   

So how this works?   In your day planner...or calendar or anywhere really...give yourself a point for each day you stay under your caloric goal!  Easy peasy!   I am going to give myself a star in my day planner!!  :-). 

Both are easy...both are super cool ways to challenge ourselves to stay the course and be healthy!!!!   

If you want, feel free to join in!  Mystalker...has set up a Facebook page (link in her comments) for her challenge  that I have asked to join...I don’t know how well it will take off...but it is another chance for support so I’m in!!!

Smash the Cycle: yo-yo weight loss

I have had this weird cycle thing going with my weight.  It has been going on for months.  I talked about it in Late summer of last year!!!  I mentioned it throughout the winter.   And it is still going on!  I spent some time thinking (in the shower of course) and talking to a friend about it (Thanks Julie) and I believe that I may have found some clarity to my issues

The cycle is that I am in goes something like this…..

On my official weekend weigh in day, my weight is nice and low!  Hurray for me!  I don’t pig out over the weekend, but on Monday or Tuesday my weight pops up about 2 pounds!   Booo for me!!!  I sent my Wednesday morning weigh in results to my friend Julie and they usually are a bit lower each week…which gives me SOME hope, but it is still annoying to see my weight jump up each mid-week, even though it does go down again on the weekend. 

For example……..a typical two week period (totally made up numbers, because quite frankly, I am feeling lazy and it would have been way too much work to go get real numbers……but I will say that the first two numbers were real)

Saturday 250.0

Wednesday 251.4

Saturday 249.6

Wednesday 251.0

Saturday 249.2

You see….painstakingly slow!  So the other morning in the shower I really spent some time thinking about it.  I can’t help but wonder what results I would be getting weekly if I didn’t have that pop on the scales. (I have lost 2.8 pounds for January as of last weekend’s official weigh in, so I am losing…just SLOOOOOW).  So I decided to really try to keep that weight from popping this upcoming weekend.

I immediately said to myself.  WATER.  I need to make sure that I’m drinking lots of water on the weekend.  I know that my water intake is a whole lot less on the weekends.  I try, but it gets away from me.  I was easily on board with that plan.   But if I was going into the weekend and really try, I also knew that I had to really watch my caloric intake.  No, if you remember, my goal for January is NOT to watch my caloric intake, but to simply track. (the side benefit is that if I’m tracking, I’m usually eating within my goal range of calories!)   Ok, ok ok….I grudgingly agreed to actually restrict and make sure that I was in the lower realm of calories for each weekend day.

But then at work that day, I was writing an email to my friend Julie…and this is what I wrote…….and it brought clarity to my weekend weight woes.

My weight is down from where it was last Wednesday…like a pound down. So that is good.  I’m up from the weekend weigh in though.  GRRRR  it is crazy but my weight does the exact same thing each week.  It pops up on Monday or Tuesday and sits high all week long and then Saturday or Sunday it drops to a new low….(last Saturday  I was down to 250.0…..which is a 2.8 pound loss for January……today I’m back up to 251.2)   I was thinking in the shower this morning.  I am going to work really hard….drink TONS of water this weekend and really watch my food intake and see if I can break this cycle.   The odd thing is that I don’t really eat all that differently over the weekend.  Actually probably less…hmmmm thinking back though…not as much fruit as normal…and probably less veggies too since we usually get subs one night and pizza or Chinese another night.  HMMMM

 

Jason doesn’t eat unless he is really hungry.  (REALLY HANGRY)  I can’t even fathom why food has no pull on him!  It is insanely odd to me!   Ohh and he doesn’t like bread.   Who in their right mind doesn’t like bread?????  In some regards that is good for me…because if we are out and about we very rarely say “lets pick up lunch”  so it forces me to actually sit back and say “I’m hungry….really  hungry” before I say “lets stop and grab something for me to eat”.  (Closet eater and all that…I have to be REALLY hungry before I will make us stop because, well that’s not closet eating!)    But it’s bad on the other hand because since we don’t eat regularly when we are together there is a very good chance that I will end up eating a snack/something non-nutritious when I do get hungry!   

 

CLARITY!  The light bulb went off!  Yeah, my calories are in my range over the weekend…BUT I’m not eating as nutritiously as I do on the weekdays.  Add that to the high sodium of Chinese, subs and pizza (which I am eating in moderation!) and I have stirred up the perfect recipe for disaster!

So with that said, it helped me cement a weekend plan to break this weigh in cycle that I am in.   1.  DRINK DRINK DRINK…..Water…hahaha  but then you knew that because I don’t drink too much alcohol!  2.  Really watch my food intake….I haven’t been trying to stay beneath a certain calorie count, but this weekend I am going to do it!   And 3….and maybe the most important one…….eat nutritiously. Turn to fruit versus un-nutritious snacks!

So I’m ready to head into the weekend!  I’m waiting for my weight to go back down and then I’m ready to implement these three things!!!   It is time to smash this cycle!!!!

Best Gadget Ever: Weight Loss/Fitness Tool

For just a bit let’s think about the possibility of a gift that is given to us.  This gift is phenomenal.  For the sake of argument, let’s call it a ‘gadget’.    This gadget or gizmo is better than anything you can imagine.  Seriously!  It helps with EVERYTHING!  If you like to cook, this gadget is the end all be all gadget.  It does almost all the work!  Once you use it, you could NEVER do without.    Cleaning the house?  Oh yeah, this gadget is the bomb for that!  Driving a car?  Impossible without this gadget! Everything and anything you set out to do, this gadget does it all!  NOTHING in life would be the same if you didn’t have this gadget.  Even better, this was a gift that was given to you and you know that it is totally unique and one of a kind.  You were given ONE and you know without a shadow of a doubt that this is the ONLY ONE YOU WILL EVER GET!

How would you take care of this super-duper gadget?  Would you take it outside and leave it unprotected against the elements, allowing it to rust and corrode?  Would you take it with you on a deep sea diving adventure knowing that the electronics were not water proof?  Would you randomly throw it in a corner and say ‘who cares’ and in essence disrespect this wonder gadget until it was damaged beyond repair and  not worth anything?  No, we would take care this fabulous gadget that does everything and is a marvel in engineering  and design.   We would take care of this gadget  like it was the most precious of gold.

This sounds like a really neat fictional gadget doesn’t it?  Seriously, a gadget that can handle virtually any task!   Sign me up because I want one!

Wait…..I already have one!  We all have one!   

Yes, you read that right.  We all already have this gadget.  What is it?   It is our bodies.  Our bodies are amazing things!  It really is the ‘super gadget’.   You aren’t convinced?  Our bodies can create another human life…..amazing!  Our bodies have the capability to think, heal and move.  Our bodies are smarter than we give them credit for.  They communicate to us by telling us when we are tired, hungry and sick.  Our bodies can perform a multitude of tasks and can continue to learn new tasks.  If we stop doing a task and ‘forget’ …when we start back at it our bodies remember the action/task/behavior through muscle memory.  Our bodies are phenomenal!  I could endlessly  come up with things that our bodies are capable of doing.

Our bodies however are non-renewable.  You get one body in your life.  You cannot go out and buy a new one.    So why in the world do we not take care of our bodies as if they were as precious as the super gadget that I wrote about a few paragraphs ago?  We take better care of our cell phones, house, cars and clothes (just to name a few) than we do ourselves!   A while  back Jason was talking about his hermit crabs.  He was eating Doritos and made the comment that he would not give his hermit crabs a piece of his Doritos because of all the bad chemicals and unnatural products.   He recognized and laughed about the total disconnect between the fact that he wouldn’t give a hermit crab (that is a scavenger and eats even rotten foods) his Doritos because they were unhealthy but he was willing to shovel the chips into his own mouth.     He was taking care of a possession better than he was taking care of himself.

There is a lucky thing in the midst of thinking about how we have disrespected our bodies and treated them like an unloved and unappreciated ‘gadget’.  What could be lucky?  Our bodies have an amazing capability to heal and repair from a multitude of damage inflicted upon it.  I have seen people turn their lives around and go from being morbidly obese to running full marathons.  I have witnessed people that were diabetic and having to give themselves shots of insulin and they were able to turn their health and lives around and become free of all insulin and diabetic medication.  Personally I have seen the ravages of arthritis become more manageable in my life with the excess weight off of my joints.  I can’t take it away, it is one of those new renewable things….but a healthy lifestyle has  showed me that my body is capable of accommodating and learning how to work within the confines of this disease called arthritis.  Our bodies can heal from a multitude of ‘disrespect’.  Our bodies can adjust and learn to work with the ravages that years of neglect and disrespect (and accidental issues) have brought to us. 

We can even adjust to different temperatures!   8 degrees yesterday morning......30° this morning! (Brrr yesterday was cold...but I snapped a pic!!)

It is time to start looking at our bodies as the most valuable possession that we will ever own.  We need to treat our bodies like gold.  It is time to treat our bodies with the respect that we give our phones, houses, cars and other possessions.    Our bodies may have problems.  We may have sickness.  They may not be perfect.  But they are what we have and I can guarantee you that they are all we are going to get!  It’s not too late to turn the tide on the care!!!!  Start treating your body with the respect that it deserves!!!

Holding steady: sometimes a day or two of maintaining is good

Another week before us.......

We had a quiet weekend.  We ran a few errands but mostly just relaxed at home.  We just felt sluggish all weekend, lacking energy.   Of course maybe the weather had something to do with it (we are always more sluggish as we recover from the long work week...but this was worse!). We didn’t feel bad, we just felt lazy.   On Saturday it was overcast and rainy!  Sunday was just cold and blustery.   Good days to stay inside!

My weekend low weight was nice.  8/10ths of a pound down.  I’ll take that.   Predictably, this morning my weight was up a bit.  I’m not going to stress about it....I’m still within the three pound range that i am ok with fluctuating in.   I know that I had a lot more sodium laden foods this weekend.  I also know my water consumption was way down so I know that has played a part.  (Maybe just a wee part, but it has its part!).   My food wasn’t perfect, higher on the weekends then weekdays.   And I’m ok with that.  I tracked it and THAT is my main goal!!!

I am rolling into the week and my goal is STILL to continue tracking every bite.  But this week I am going to continue to work on eliminating the snacks!  That after work snack gets me, and I don’t need it.  I’m perfectly fine without.    

So that’s my weekend recap! It wasn’t bad in terms of my health, more of a maintain effort!   I’ve been thinking about some things about self worth and taking care of ourselves.   Hopefully I can get that into words for a post soon!   But right now, it’s time to head into work!

I will not give up: kicking weight loss in the.....

It’s finally Friday!   I am so ready for the weekend!   It had been a long week of learning as I settle into my new temporary team and the work expected of me.   I will only be with this team temporarily...and then I will go back to the original team I was training to join.   Yeah, it’s confusing...a new temporary team...a new permanent team and my old team.   I found myself just yesterday answering questions from coworkers about the new permanent team and corresponding work, the new temporary team and corresponding work and then to make it more fun, I received aomw questions via email about the old team and needing advice on something there.  Are you kidding me???   Oh well....it keeps my mind sharp!!

My week in my healthy lifestyle changes?  The reason that this site was started?   Well yes I guess I can share how my week went!   My eating was pretty much spot on! I managed to avoid both the after work snacks and the post dinner desserts.  The after work snacks truly are just a habit so after the first day or so where I broke that habit I was ok!    The after dinner dessert.  The first thing I did was make sure that the dessert that was in the house were not things that I struggle to avoid!  (I’m not going to make Jason five uo his dessert just because I am giving up mine!)   I also went back for a small second serving of dinner to ‘fill up’ with more nutritious foods versus still being slightly hungry resulting in a dessert being eaten.  

I also ate very nutritiously.   I had lots of salads and lots of fruits and veggies.  So while my weight popped back up in that weird cycle thing it’s doing. The cycle had been going on since this past summer.  I have a low weigh ins over the weekend, my weight pops up high on the weekdays and then drops again on the weekends!  It’s quite annoying!  As frustrated as I was with the scales, I didn’t let it derail me!  I pushed forward and ate nutritiously and kept things in check!!!    

The weekend weather is supposed to be interesting..snow? Maybe.  But most likely rain and freezing rain (mostly...some snow also).  And cold...really cold!   Yuck!!!!  We will have fun anyway!!!

I’ve got this!!!  I can get this weight off!   I will not give up!!!

Weight journey and shifting emotions

Finding happiness in this journey is a mixed bag of success and failure!  On any given day I can go from satisfied with my progress to utter despair at where I am. It seems as if my emotions are swinging wildly in every direction!   I’m happy with myself one minute but then shortly thereafter, I’m almost in tears at the state that I have allowed my body to disintegrate into.

Last Saturday I stepped onto the scale for my official weekly weigh in.  I was hoping to see good results for my first week and a half of this new month (and new year).  I waited for the scales to settle and then looked down at the number on the scale. I quickly calculated my numbers and saw that I had managed a 2 pound loss in the first week and a half!   Victory!!!!!  I barely refrained from dancing a jig right there on the scales!   I followed my normal morning routine and stepped into the shower after my weigh in.  And that is where I had an immediate and complete change in my thought process.   Where I had looked at the difference in numbers just a few moments earlier, I was now focused on the actual number.  250.8.  Ouch!  How horrible is that?   I was filled with shame.  I was filled with fury at myself for allowing myself to get back to that point.   I was filled with utter despair at the long path before me!   In a matter of minutes I had gone from complete exhilaration to utter despair.  

My emotions really do run the gamut during a typical week.  It is crazy and I really have no clue how to rectify it.  I can tell myself to ‘just be happy’ with the process.  I can tell myself to settle in and enjoy the ride. And I do tell myself these things.  However, it’s been hard recently.  

I didn’t allow myself to give up after my Saturday weigh in and shift of emotions.  While my calories were higher over the weekend following that weigh in, it was not binge eating or even ‘I give up’ eating.  It was simply weekend eating ...or if you want to call it something else...call it ‘living’.   (As a side note, I still ate well under the calorie level that Myfitnesspal says that I need to eat to maintain!  I was still in a ‘losing’ caloric range.)

However, my weight popped up on Monday.  (Which added to the discontent.). I haven’t let it deter me.  It had made me tighten my belt and dig in harder.  I KNOW that I have the mental fortitude to do this.  I just need my body to cooperate with my efforts!  I didn’t let the negative numbers slow me down.   I allowed the emotions to run through me and I looked at those numbers and said ‘I won’t let you get to me, I WILL just work harder!’   I used thenegative emotions to push me harder.

One thing I thought about today in my shower.  (Why yes...I do have deep thoughts in the shower...and while I am out running!). My thought was that I need to get back to the ‘three pound range’.   Last summer I instituted a three pound rangefew with in my mind.  It basically is a plan that I take the lowest number I’ve seen on the scales and as long as I’m fluctuating within 2-3 pounds, I’m ok...normal fluctuation.   So at my current level...my most recent low weight of 250.8 I would be within ‘fluctuation’ range as long as I remained lower than 253.8.    This is just one more way to take away that stigma of failure...to in fact embrace it!  In embracing the fluctuations I am devaluing the message that the scales give me, which will lessen the impact that those numbers have.

I know that my feelings are swinging wildly in all directions as I embark (reembark) upon this road to health.  And yes, I refuse to say on this path to thinness....because that is not my ultimate goal...my ultimate goal is health!   Being thin is a side affect...a fabulous side affect.   I don’t know why they are swinging wildly, but the only thing I can do is to make sure that when they are negative that I use the negative thoughts to spur me forward!  The other thing is that for some reason I have not been turning toward prayer about this journey.  I pray about numerous other things on a daily basis, but I haven’t been turning to prayer in regards to this journey. I have made that adjustment.   Meanwhile, I push forward!

This journey toward health is an emotional one.   There ARE so many conflicting emotions that run the gamut in terms of how we feel.   They are not going to go away.  They will be there. It’s another thing that we need to embrace. Once we embrace those feelings we can turn them to positive.   We can figure out a way to make them less impactful.  We can also figure out how to turn the negative emotions into motivation  to propel us further toward our goals.  They aren’t a bad thing, these emotions are all part of the healing process as I get healthy!

And just because...here is another picture from our weekend walk in the snow!  

Weekend weight loss

Ahhh what a weekend!  I was so ready for the weekend after the last week of work.  (Ok, I’m really ready each weekend, butast week even more so!). I was anxious to get my official weight for the week and I was looking forward to the quietness and relaxation of the weekend!  I was was also determined to add some activity back into my life this weekend!  

So let’s start with the weight!   I showed exactly 2 pounds down for this new year.  (1.6 down for the last week).  Not too shabby!  But that brings me to my deep thought of the day.   How crazy is it crazy how our minds work!  I lost 2 pounds this new year (woohoo). yet I had to tamp down disappointment and disgust  at what the scales showed!  I don’t like the numbers I see.  I’m working to change those numbers, and I showed results...but I still cringed when I saw the numbers.  In reality I should have been jumping up and down with joy!  (Which would have also incidentally burned an extra calorie or two had I literally jumped up and down!). It shows how skewed our minds really get!!!  

I stumbled across an old picture of me this weekend. Part of me feels sad that I let this go!  But part of me is super motivated to get it back!!!!

My eating was about what I expected this weekend.  I was higher than my projected range.  I’m ok with this. I didn’t binge eat.  I didn’t overeat.  I didn’t go crazy with desserts.  I just had higher calorie foods...and I knew I was doing it when it happened.  It was a conscious decision.  I am not in this to live a life of total deprivation...I’m in this to live a life of health and balance.  That means that some days could be considered a failure ..but that’s ok!   I’m giving myself permission to have those days of ‘failure’.    How and I rebounding?  My lunch is packed for work today...an salad and some fruit!   Since I indulged this past weekend, no snacks after work this upcoming week!   It’s a trade off....a balancing act!

So more good news?    On Saturday we did our errands early and headed to a local park so that Jason could fly his drone before the snow hit..  Instead of standing there immobile, I took the opportunity to walk around the field that he was standing in!  It wasn’t a whole lot, but 1.5 miles is better than none!!!!!    Even more?   On Sunday we headed out in the snow and walked 3.5 miles!  (Hard miles in a couple inches of snow!)

I am happy with my weekend.  I’m ready to face this upcoming week of healthy living!  I’m a bit stressed about some changes at work and a new activity that I will be embarking upon today. (Stressed enough and nervous enough that I kept dreaming and waking up about it.).  I’m not going to eat my stress though!!!!!!   I w got this!   Here comes Healthy Maryfran!!!