Days off

Yes, I had yesterday off from work as the bank was closed due to Veterens day. What did i do with my 'landfall'? I cleaned the house, what else? The house is spic and span. I moved the furniture around so that it is basically ready to decorate for Christmas. I anticipate doing that next Wednesday as the following week is Thanksgiving. Yes, I'll be decorated before Thanksgiving. This year my brother and his family will be travelling to spend Thanksgiving with us (Christmas they will travel in the opposite direction and spend it with my brother's in-laws.....we switch back and forth every year). Soooooo since the Christmas stuff starts so soon, I figure to decorate. Actually I know from experience that if I don't decorate before they come, when they leave I feel like Christmas is partly over...and I won't have it in me to decorate. :-)

Yesterday I woke up and my weight was 195.6. This morning I woke up and I was 193.8. So that is a nice drop. Yeah water weight.....I'm so happy that you are 'departing'!

You know.....when it rains it pours. The dog at the farm/studio passed away today. We are really bummed!

Thank heavens I have off tomorrow. I feel as if today was the same as a full week! Longer!

On a different note. I had a super healthy meal tonight. I made Szechaun Chicken Stir Fry. YUMMY.

Today is a super stressful day for Todd and I. I'm not going to go into details here, but suffice to say that we have a lot riding on this day! I'm sitting here at work and worrying about things that I have no control over....which is pointless I know. But that's easier to say than to follow.

I did not weigh myself this morning. Yesterday, while I did walk quite a bit....I KNOW for a fact that I was really dehydrated. I was dying of thirst at one point. Toward the end of the day, I had picked up a headache. I'm almost 100% positive that it's because of my lack of drinking. What did I drink? In the morning with my oatmeal I had 'maybe' 8 ounces of water. I didn't have anything else until lunch (which we ate at about 1:30 or so)...and that was a diet coke. I drank about 3/4 of the bottle. NOTHING else until we got home at about 8PM. And then I downed 3..count em...THREE cans of Diet Sunkist! Does carbonated beverages count??? I know that the sodium in those drinks will also have an affect on my weight today (I've noticed that they always do)....so we'll hold off.

However, this morning on the drive in to work (ohhh the whole 2 mile drive...yeah yeah yeah...I COULD ride my bike..but it's a winding country road and it will be dark when I get off of work!) I thought about how I need to shake myself out whatever diet lull I'm in (oh wait...I don't call this a diet....but you get the point) and get my butt in gear and get myself back down to my goal weight so i can STOP PAYING FOR WEIGHT WATCHERS! I did it....and thoroughly enjoyed those two or three free months until my weight sky-rocketed!

On to the bad news of the day. Yesterday morning...early in our sojourn in DC, I was walking and my foot flipped out. I'm not sure if my ankle simply turned (it does that) or if I stepped wrong on something uneven to cause my foot to twist...but regardless I hurt my foot. Todd knew it happened and I forced myself to continue walking. This is a common thing that happens to me....my foot twists quite commonly...it usually hurts for a few minutes and then the pain subsides. So I just told him to continue walking and it would be all right. I didn't want to tell him that while it did ease up some.....it continued to bother me all throughout the day. Granted I was on my feet the whole day (this happened within an hour or our arrival in DC). I hoped that it would ease up some after I was off of it. I was wrong. That was my first thought this morning when I woke up and my foot moved....it hurts. FU...........DGE!!!!!!!!!!!! (OK, that was for anyone that is a fan of The Christmas Story...you know..Ralphie...You'll shoot your eye out......one of my husbands all time favorite movies.....one he could and does watch OVER AND OVER again).

So there is where I'm at.

white house

white house, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Didn't weigh myself today....nor did I eat all that well....nor did I do any formal exercise. Does it count that I walked ALL day???

Woke up this morning and both Todd and I just knew that we wanted to do 'something' or go 'somewhere' today. We didn't want to stay at home. We began running through options in our head. Manassas Battlefield, Monocacy.....should we do the official tourist thing and stay in Sharpsburg and officially tour the Antietam battlefield (living here you tend to take the historic significance for granted). The list went on...the Baltimore Maritime Museum, the aquairium, The Cass railroad in West virginia, New Market, VA, Lurray caverns? We went round and round. We finally settled on driving toward DC and hopping the metro and spending the day on or near the mall. We hit up a few things (the White house visitors center, THe Holocaust Museum, THe Hirshhorn, and we briefly stopped into the National Art Gallery). All in all it was a good day and good to get away...it helped me forget about my worries that have been keeping me 'down'."

The bad thing.....the cafe where we ate our lunch...I caved and had a dessert...YUMMY!

Lets seee.......

**I didn't weigh myself today. I just plain and simple didn't feel like it!

**Even though I felt not at all charitable this morning toward this 'journey' to lose weight....I did get on the exercise bike and ride for about 30 minutes early this morning (before I even went to work)

**Currently working on taking all of our old pictures (digital) and pulling them into the photoshop elements organizer. The pictures stored on my computer are done....just started the ones stored on Todd's computer. Yikes....how'd we get so many pictures! It's gonna be fun for me though to go through them...look at them all. (also a headache on some...trying to figure out where and who!)

**Still just feeling blah....snap out of it MF!!

The life of a cat

The life of a cat, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Not much happening here today. My weight as up this morning. I didn't do to badly today....but then again, not that great with my eating. My positive for the day.....I did 70 minutes of exercise!!!

duldrums

I'm still feeling really blue and well, miserable. I know that some of it can be attributed to the monthly ick, which has arrived on my doorstep. But I will also say that usually I feel down UNTIL it starts and then once it actually arrives I'm ok. Not this month. SOooo I just want to sit here and cry. Not doin' it.......why? because I'm at work.

I should be jumping up and down for joy. This morning I was getting ready for work and I was in the closet looking for something to wear. I just couldn't find anything that interested me. I looked up on the shelf and saw a corduroy skirt that I bought on sale last year, in a size 10 (hey, that's all they had). I tucked it away because I couldn't' wear it. Something possessed me to try it on this morning. I did and guess what I'm wearing to work. Yep, a size 10 skirt. No, I'm not a true size 10...but it's a size ten that I'm wearing right now.

As for my weight 192.0 this morning. Typically, if things are true to history, the ick weight will drop off in about two more days. I'll be anxious for that. If I'm lucky it will drop me back into the 180's! :-)

Worked out at the gym for almost an hour and a half yesterday and I did get on the exercise bike this morning and rode for just shy of an hour....so I'm working on it!

reflection of change

reflection of change, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

As I've pondered where I am in my weight loss journey, I started to think about how much I've changed. So a reflection of my image was fitting for a picture, even though that wasn't my original intent. Is it even more fitting that it's a reflection in a cooking pan????

My weight was up a bit this morning. It could be any myrid of reasons. It could be the delicious Apple strudel that I made yesterday. It could be the hot dogs that I roasted on the fire last night, salt city. Or it could be the fact that the wonderful (note the sarcasm) ick should be here within the next week or so. Hmmmm.

Apple Strudel......ok, so yesterday morning I decided at the last minute that I wanted to try my hand at apple strudel. So I read a bit about apple strudel online and whipped one up. Let me say, it was super tasty! I actually did have the points for it. (I think...I need to work up the points today).

The Hot dogs. Todd decided yesterday that he wanted to cook a steak and potato over an open fire last night. Now I'm still on my ban of beef products...so a steak was out of the question for me. So I got to thinking..what's the next best thing over an open flame...HOT DOGS! Nooooooooooooooo. I bought turkey dogs....100% fat free. But, even though they are fat free they are still high in sodium. So I fear that may have affected my weight. OOOPS....I forgot, we also roasted a few marshmallows (which I forgot to put into my daily food log.....uhhhh ohhhh). We forwent the chocolate and the graham crackers though! (I did have them...but we decided to just go with marshmallows to save calories/points).

The ick....well.....there need be no explanation for that. That is self-explanatory.

So, we woke up early this morning. We got dressed and headed out. By 8AM, I was done voting and Todd and I were on the canal taking a nice walk. We were out for about an hour and a half. Fall is such a wonderful time of the year!

Monday duldrums

Sherrick Trail, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

I may be quiet...but I'm still plugging along in this journey. ON saturday and Sunday both, Todd and I went out hiking. The picture above is from the trail that we hiked on Sunday...don't you just love the little log steps that they put in on some of these trails (this one is from the Sherrick trail on the ANtietam Battlefield). On Saturday we walked the C&O Canal. This morning I rode the exercise bike. :-)

Just writing that last paragraph I'm blown away at how blessed I am that I have two national parks within walking distance from my house. And parks that are peffect for hiking, walking, and bike riding!

My weight is down to 191.2 from the 193 that I was at on Thursday morning.

I don't have much to say today. I"m feeling a bit blue.......

Weighed myself this morning. I did so with some fear and trepidation because I have eaten over my points value each and every day. But I'm down to 191.8. So that is 1.2 pounds in the last two days. I'll take it!

Last night I curbed my nighttime eating desire by eating tic tacs. It worked!!! I know I used to eat the WW fruities in the evening when I felt the urge to eat......I forgot about that trick. IT WORKED! WOOO HOOO!

I got up an extra hour early this morning and I hopped on the exercise bike. I knocked out 45 minutes. I was watching the biggest loser (australian season three). They had the contestants doing some type of drills on the treadmill...run and then a walking recovery. Well during the recovery they asked questions. The one question was "name one thing you like about yourself". The first guy rattled off "I'm a funny guy" but then they got to the next girl. She just stood there and you could see the blankness on her face. She really didn't' have a clue as to what to say....and she couldn't think of something. It got me to thinking.....how many overweight people put up this wall of 'fatness' around themselves and they stop (or can't ) see the good in themselves. I think is some ways that I have in the past and honestly even in the present experienced this. I think where I"m at now is that I can see the good stuff but it's sometimes hard to believe the looks part because I still struggle with seeing myself as a thinner person.

WHY?????

Why am I so lacking the will power to carry on this journey of losing weight. I went to my meeting yetserday morning hoping that would pump me up and bolster my will power. I did good when I got home. I did good all day. Dinner rolled around and I did good. I cleaned up the kitchen and then it started. I was totally craving something salty. I had pretzels (luckily only one serving as if you remember I put the pretzels into sandwhich bags after counting out portions), I had baked tortilla chips (looking at it...probably only one serving), I had a weight watchers dessert sundae thingy. I had a WW sweet and salty bar. Ohhh and I had a 1 point piece of candy. WHYYYYYYY?????

This morning I woke up and exercised. I finished up my grocery list for the upcoming trip to the grocery store. AND I wrote my intake of food down for the day. Come hell or high water I'm sticking to it today! I actually have 2 points to spare to account for a snack sometime after dinner. Maybe I'll make popcorn...who knows. I'm hoping that maybe if my food intake is pre-written down that I'll stick to it!!!

Repetition

I really don't have much to say. I did make it to a meeting this morning. I was up 7 pounds. I'm not happy with that figure, but I'm ok with it. Meanwhile, I've eaten pretty good thus far today. :-)


Planned out my menu for next week, grocery list is in the works. I'm gonna make it this week...AND post a loss!!!

Trudging along!

cat mosaic, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

I am trudging along wiht my eating....still struggling to get it under control. However I made it to the gym again today...so that is three days in a row for exercise! WOO HOOOOO!!!

I am going to hit up a WW meeting tomorrow morning...and face the music!!!!

Monday Madness

Ok, I was going to post some handy dandy picture today..but decided to hold off on that....at least for now....maybe later. :-)



This morning I did the baking that I needed to do. Todd has a meeting that he is going to tomorrow night and volunteered to bring desserts. Uhhh yeah....that means MF bakes. No, I can't even imagine buying something.....not when I love to bake. So I did end up eating a bit of stuff this morning. But all in all, I didn't nibble or taste test too many things! I packaged up everything for Todd and brought the leftovers to work today. :-)



I also got on the exercise bike! WOO HOOO! Rode an hour! Todd mentioned that he'd like to go for a walk tonight. I sure hope so. One because I love the crisp coolness and colors of fall. Secondly because that would give me an hour or so of extra activity. And thirdly, because I haven't taken a picture yet today for my 365 project!

Slowly but surely, I'll get back on track!!!!

half eaten

half eaten, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

I wish I had the willpower of whatever animal ate half of this corn cob. I start something and I just can't stop myself from continuing. I know if it were me eating that corn cob it would have been picked dry!!!

Ok....enough with the goofiness!

Not much to talk about today. Todd and I headed over to the studio apartment. Let me say, it was really nice when we moved from there to know that we didn't have to move all of our stuff immediately and that it would be used as storage. But, we moved over 7 months ago and I had still not completely finished packing everything. My word there are still pictures on the wall!!! I went over today and worked some on organizing some stuff. I have a HUGE HUGE HUGE pile to go to Goodwill. While I was over there I spent some time organizing my freezer (I left my old freezer over there and taht is where I have the stockpiled stuff.....all the home made/grown stuff that was frozen......I just give todd my 'grocery' list every once in a while...for example I'll say, bring me 2 quarts of applesauce, 1 of corn and a bag of raspberries....or whatever I need) I also cut the last of the flowers off the plants in the flower garden...well the stuff that we are getting ready to pull. I put those flower heads in my drying racks for seed stock for next year. (I had to empty the drying racks first because I already had heads in there). Lets see, I cleaned my house, cut up two watermelon (sugar babies) that we found in the garden...what a nice surprise. And then of course the never ending laundry. (worse today because I brought over two loads of stuff from the other apartment...crazy stuff that got left....) It's just been a really busy day. So i've been on the go all day. With the friendship bread, I've eaten just a few points over my daily allotement. That's what flex points are supposed to be there for!!!

Still no exercise...ok...formal exercise!

Could this be the reason?

How I sleep, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Imagine that this picture is my bed. I have long known that my husband is a bed hog....but add in the cats. Could this be the reason that I have a pulled muscle near my shoulder blade? (I can't remember specifically hurting it). I have three cats that like to sleep right up against me....not to mention my husband too. I truly am an acrobat whilst asleep! hmmmm I worry that Desi willl decide to join the fray of cats!

Well, I'm no where closer to stopping the screaming voices in my head. I talked to Todd quite a bit last night about what I am feeling. It made me actually put to words some of what I'm feeling
1. I'm tired of being somewhat obsessed with what I eat.
2. I'm really just honestly bummed out that I had one week of not watching closely to what I was eating ...not even pigging out. And I gained so much weight.
3. Stark realization of exactly how close I'm going to have to watch for the rest of my life if I continue to 'care'.
4. Would it be better to give up and be happy with not having to constantly worry.

Todd actually said the same words that JC said in a comment. He said yeah, you'll be happy for a bit. But when you have diabetes or a heart attack, then you will be more worried about those things. He said, "In essence you have a choice to make you constantly stay on your toes to keep the weight off....or down the line you constantly stay on your toes to keep your body artificially regulated with medications to control cholesteral, diabetes, heart disease, blood pressure, etc.

I know that his comments (and JC's comments) are correct. And I honestly don't want to go back to the 315 pound MaryFran. But I guess I want the 'easy' way out. Maintain my weight at a decent level but not have to work for it. But lets be honest....God didn't give me a body that would do that.

That said, even in the midst of all of this inner turmoil, I've been eating as healthy as possible. When I planned out our meals for next week, they are healthy meals. So at least something has stuck with me!

Oh, Todd had a theory about why I've packed on so much weight (about 10 pounds) in such a short period of time (2 weeks) without eating all that terribly (yeah, not as good as I normally eat, but not 100% off target, for the first week and really not bad at all during the second week). His theory. My body has been stuck in a rut for the last year at this 180 mark. It doesn't want to drop any further...it's fighting it for all it's worth. So during those two weeks, even though I wasn't eating terrible (just not the greatest) my body saw the extras as a way to get itself further away from that 180 mark....and it stored every bit of fat that it could. Interesting theory!

Feelings

wheel, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

No real reason for the picture, other than that fact that I took it yesterday and I really like it, and I'm grasping at straws to feel more 'up" today.

I'm struggling with that inner voice that says to throw in the towel, eat what you want, and be happy...no matter what you weigh!

Even as that little inner voice says that and I subsequently think, "wow, that would be nice" I then mentally scream..."NO NO NO! I will not give up and thereby fail!" Of course am I failing now anyway?

Not a good day....lots of thoughts bickering with one another in my head!

Not a good morning

What more to say than that I am fighting the urge to emotional eat! This has been a rough morning. Got up at 3 to feed the baby kitten. It was playful and eating and all was right with the world. At 7am when I went to feed it....it was dead. Yesterday was such a good day...a clean bill of health from the vet, found it a home. Just good. This morning a burial. (yes, we have a new grave in our yard. Came inside and lysol'ed down the bathroom that the kitten had resided in. And ran some laundry (old rags and stuff that we had used in kittens cage). I started to fold a big load of laundry that I did last night. A pen must have been in a pair of my husbands khakis.....soooooo I lost three dress shirts/sweaters, a pair of khakis and a skirt! Ohh my husbands clothes that were in the same load....FINE! This was all before breakfast! I finally made some toast. I won't lie to you, I want to go back and have more!

And for Donnalouise...I live in Sharpsburg, MD. That is about 20 miles west of Frederick. We are about 45 -60 minutes from DC and or Baltimore.

Kitten eating

Kitten eating, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

There you go...a picture of me. Ok, at least a picture of my hands and a bit of my upper torso! But yes, I'm still feeding this kitty. I think I have a home for it. However stupid me (I'm a sucker) offered this person to continue to foster the kitten until it is weened. Since the person taht is taking the cat works 10 hour shifts, they were very grateful as this little baby really needs to be fed a bit more often then that. It is cute, but i'll admit that I'll be happy to hand the reigns over to someone else. She is currently being very quiet (rare rare thing). But ONLY because Todd is laying on the sofa watching tv with this little kitten laying on a towel on his chest. I think he has two of our cats curled up next to him.

It is Todd's birthday today. I resisted the urge to bake him a cake or any goodies. But I do have to say that I ate more than I should have. we went to eat at a place in Frederick, MD called Brewers Alley. They have VERY good food. I didn't partake of any of the beer that is brewed there. (Todd did...and then brought some home!). I honestly did try to order healthy...but it turns out they had a misprint on the menu and it wasn't what I thought it was.....it was more 'fattening'. BUT, it was super tasty! And of course being a food addict (my husband also) when the gave him a free dessert, well...who are we to say no. I will say that we did split that dessert!

I'm getting ready to get off of the computer and actually lay out my menu for next week. No more sitting on the fence!!!

How could anyone 'dump' something so cute!

How could anyone 'dump' something so cute!, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Shhhhhhh!!!! The baby is finally asleep!!! Yesterday someone dumped this adorable kitten at our business. It it totally tame and craves human attention, but not totally weened. It is currently residing in our guest bathroom. We need to find this little sucker a home! In the meantime, we'll continue bottle feedings and constantly changing the hot water bottle that we have given it for added warmth, should only need the extra attention for another day or so! Any suggestions for finding a home for this little gal would be much appreciated!

My weight. I"m really embarrassed and ashamed to write about this. I am currently experiences the BIGGEST setback I have had this whole journey. I weighed myself this morning at 194 pounds! YIKES! How did this happen. This past week I neverwent over my points by more than 3-5 points! That'smy flexpoints (which I do know I can't eat too often...but come on 5 pounds???)

I'm not giving up. I am going to restart my exercise regime. I've done fairly well with food thus far today. If I can manage tonight and stay within my 9 alloted points all will be good! :-)