I was driving down to Rockville yesterday for an emergency trip to MicroCenter for the studio (we won't even talk about the hellish week we've had with the studio computers!) and I got to thinking about weight loss and where I am. I was thinking about it becasue of course yesterday morning on my home scales I showed a gain of 1 pound and because of this emergency trip that took me from 4pm (when I got off) until I got home at about 7:45, I missed my weight watchers meeting. Soooo that probably sparked some thought in my head. I started to think about how I was when I was actually losing weight. My thoughts, my habits, my actions. And I realized that I was hard core. I could place going out to eat at one restaurant and getting a grilled chicken sandwich...and not eating the bread. Now I'm a carb lover, so doing something like that is totally hardcore for me! Once I had dredged that memory, I started to ask myself a question, "Do I want this badly enough to go hard core????"
Do I? I'll be honest, the thought of giving up those foods I love really makes me sad. But on the flip side, being overweight really makes me sad also. More sad than giving up the food. So, I'm going to press on. Work on managing so that I don't have to totally give up the foods I love and monitoring my intake of those foods.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
They say that death comes in threes. So even though I'm not supersticious, I'm not feeling tooo peachy right now. Yes, two weeks ago to the day my husbands uncle passed away. We are STILL waiting for the body to be released and to hear something from the medical examiners office. Sooooo this morning I was given news that my husbands great uncle was driving home from church and for some reason, swerved off the road, flipping his car. He was killed. His wife is in stable condition, but with multiple broken bones, including a pelvis and at the age of 81, it's not good. I'm tired of my emotions being on a roller coaster.
This last week I actually ate withing my points and I felt that I did reasonably good. I didn't overeat, however I will admit to having eaten more carbs then I probably should have. But still, I managed portions and I ate correctly. SOOOOOO my weight this morning.....up a pound. What's up with that????? I'm disgusted with the result...but I'm actually ok with my week. I don't feel like my week was a waste. I feel good about the week that I had eating wise. I didn't succumb to emotional eating and just gorge myself on food. That is a huge first step.
This last week I actually ate withing my points and I felt that I did reasonably good. I didn't overeat, however I will admit to having eaten more carbs then I probably should have. But still, I managed portions and I ate correctly. SOOOOOO my weight this morning.....up a pound. What's up with that????? I'm disgusted with the result...but I'm actually ok with my week. I don't feel like my week was a waste. I feel good about the week that I had eating wise. I didn't succumb to emotional eating and just gorge myself on food. That is a huge first step.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Hello, my name is Maryfran and I am addicted to food. I like the texture of food. I like the taste of food. I like the initial and immediate rush of pleasure that I receive when I taste something delectible. I like it so much that I continue to eat more of that same item in an attempt to recreate that burst of pleasure. That burst of pleasure can soothe all worries, it can ease all emotional pain and it can elevate and heighten a positive mood. However it is fleeting. Intrisically I know that. Yet I continue to find myself in this pattern of initial pleasure and then a spiral downward in a quest to hold onto the short lived feeling. But once that initial rush has been received it's over. It is not possible to eat more of that food to get that feeling back. Yet over and over again I try.
I'm not downplaying any other addiction, because I would NEVER want to have to deal with the addiction to alcohol or any of the various drugs out there. But I can't help but feel that in terms of beating an addiction that food has to top the list. Why? Becuase if you are an alcoholic, for the most part you can remove yourself from temptation. The same with drugs. (generally speaking for those two addictions). But how in the world do you remove yourself from food. I need food to sustain my life. I am constantly forced to confront this addiction. It's a matter of survival...I need to eat to live. Yet how ironic that my habits of eating (the addiction that I suffer with)were causing me to die. I can't get away from eating. I need to do it. Which means that every day I will have to confront my personal demon of food addiction. It just doesn't seem fair.
I'm not downplaying any other addiction, because I would NEVER want to have to deal with the addiction to alcohol or any of the various drugs out there. But I can't help but feel that in terms of beating an addiction that food has to top the list. Why? Becuase if you are an alcoholic, for the most part you can remove yourself from temptation. The same with drugs. (generally speaking for those two addictions). But how in the world do you remove yourself from food. I need food to sustain my life. I am constantly forced to confront this addiction. It's a matter of survival...I need to eat to live. Yet how ironic that my habits of eating (the addiction that I suffer with)were causing me to die. I can't get away from eating. I need to do it. Which means that every day I will have to confront my personal demon of food addiction. It just doesn't seem fair.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
I haven't fallen off the wagon. In fact, I've actually gotten my head screwed on straight....I think. I'd been toying around with rejoining weight watchers. The accountability AND the fact that I'm spending money for that accountability is a very very good motivator. Sooo last week I went ahead and signed back up for the monthly pass (it was pay for the first month, get the second month free) and I went to a meeting yesterday. I am optimistic. Mainly because there is no way that I want to PAY money to gain weight. So I have to do my part!!!
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Can my week get any worse? I'm afraid what today, Wednesday will bring. I just want calm and peace!
I was able to keep my eating somewhat under control last night. My Pasta Bean Stew was very flavorful last night. :-) I did have a few spare points so I had some popcorn while watching the biggest loser.
Soooo my revelations from the show. I loved what Julio said about how he felt that he was good at food. I've had a few situations in my life (teaching) that have left me feeling like a failure. I can totally understand where he was coming from. In fact in some ways he was speaking about me.
I also reread the sign on the gym wall about failure...the only failure is not even trying. Is that what I'm doing now? Not really trying. Is not giving it my 100% not trying? Probably. And that made my mind flash back to a show a few years ago when some contestants gave up and didn't even finish a physical challenge. Bob was dumbfounded and kept saying things like, "why did you even begin if you didn't intend to finish?" And last night it clicked. I started this journey. To give up is just plain stupid and THAT is what would make me a failure. Gaining weight did not make me a failure. I wouldn't be considered a failure if I NEVER make my weight goal. I'm only a failure if I don't try! If I don't keep pushing onward in an attempt.
Stats for October 6, 2009
water- 50 ounces
exercise-zilch
food:
toast
green beans
corn
mandarin oranges
rice puding
pretzels
grapes
pasta & Bean stew
biscuit
1/2 cup fat free frozen ice cream
popcorn
I was able to keep my eating somewhat under control last night. My Pasta Bean Stew was very flavorful last night. :-) I did have a few spare points so I had some popcorn while watching the biggest loser.
Soooo my revelations from the show. I loved what Julio said about how he felt that he was good at food. I've had a few situations in my life (teaching) that have left me feeling like a failure. I can totally understand where he was coming from. In fact in some ways he was speaking about me.
I also reread the sign on the gym wall about failure...the only failure is not even trying. Is that what I'm doing now? Not really trying. Is not giving it my 100% not trying? Probably. And that made my mind flash back to a show a few years ago when some contestants gave up and didn't even finish a physical challenge. Bob was dumbfounded and kept saying things like, "why did you even begin if you didn't intend to finish?" And last night it clicked. I started this journey. To give up is just plain stupid and THAT is what would make me a failure. Gaining weight did not make me a failure. I wouldn't be considered a failure if I NEVER make my weight goal. I'm only a failure if I don't try! If I don't keep pushing onward in an attempt.
Stats for October 6, 2009
water- 50 ounces
exercise-zilch
food:
toast
green beans
corn
mandarin oranges
rice puding
pretzels
grapes
pasta & Bean stew
biscuit
1/2 cup fat free frozen ice cream
popcorn
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
chocolate
GIMMEE!!! Will chocolate make the world a better place for me????? Probably not. Especially after I learned my lesson about using food as an 'upper' last night. But I will admit that I did have a 1/2 cup ice cream cup and I did add the chocolate from the bottle that you see in the picture (no, not the whole bottle). And I consider that a REAL coup! I'm wanting more food....comfort!!!
As if yesterday wasn't bad enough....today...on top of the issues from yesterday that are still there today, we got the call from that my husband's uncle was found dead in in his apartment. This is the last living relative from my husbands immediate family....he's lost everyone in the last 3 years. So just one more thing to add to the mix of emotions broiling around in this house.
I will not eat over my points....I will not eat over my points. I will control my eating. That is the only thing I can have complete control over. I will control my eating...that is the only thing that I can conquer! Cookies bad.....fruit good!
Eating doesn't make things better
Giving in and eating didn't make me feel better. In fact, it made me feel worse. It added to my blah icky emotional mood by making me disgusted with myself for caving and eating. What did I eat? Cookies. I had put the leftovers in the freezer.....and I remembered them and didn't just pull out one...I pulled out 4...popped them in the microwave and gobbled them up.
I do have to say, the other weekend when I was so determined to not let my emotions rule my eating. And I was determined to control my eating.....to control ONE part of my life. I controlled it and it really did give me a sense of empowerment. Even if it was only over that one small part of my life. Last night I caved....I had no control. I will admit.....I felt great for about 5 minutes (if that). That 5 minutes was coincidentally the 5 (if that) minutes that I was eating the cookies. But after that, my emotions just came back....and in a bigger way because I was then upset about eating.
Sooo my weight this morning 213.8. ARRGGHHHH
Stats for October 5, 2009
2 low fat homemade pecan sticky buns
corn
sauerkraut
grapes
applesauce
pineapple
Spinach Stuffed Shells
2 slices garlic toast
4 (or maybe 5) cinnamon cookies
I do have to say, the other weekend when I was so determined to not let my emotions rule my eating. And I was determined to control my eating.....to control ONE part of my life. I controlled it and it really did give me a sense of empowerment. Even if it was only over that one small part of my life. Last night I caved....I had no control. I will admit.....I felt great for about 5 minutes (if that). That 5 minutes was coincidentally the 5 (if that) minutes that I was eating the cookies. But after that, my emotions just came back....and in a bigger way because I was then upset about eating.
Sooo my weight this morning 213.8. ARRGGHHHH
Stats for October 5, 2009
2 low fat homemade pecan sticky buns
corn
sauerkraut
grapes
applesauce
pineapple
Spinach Stuffed Shells
2 slices garlic toast
4 (or maybe 5) cinnamon cookies
Monday, October 05, 2009
I'm sitting here in a REALLY emotional state. I was just wasting time on my computer and I found myself running through options of food in the kitchen. Options of food that I could go make or get that would fill this void within me. I thought about the 1/2 cup servings of ice cream and I knocked that out of the running. Why? Certainly not because ice cream isn't yummy and woudln't fill that void. It was soley knocked out of the running because 1/2 cup wasn't enough. I knew in my head that the small 1/2 cup serving size would just be too small. It would not satisfy my emotional needs right now. No, I needed a big bowl....no, I needed the whole carton of ice cream! For a split second I thought about the 2 half gallons of ice cream that are out in the storage freezers. The ones that I haven't divied up into the 1/2 cup containers yet. Luckily sanity overtook me before I went out and dived into one of them head first. I thought about popcorn. Popcorn.....soaked in butter....laden down with cheese. Ohhh ohhh, somehow popcorn took a wrong turn into the realm of unhealthy. PRETZELS!!! I could have some pretzels. Ohh yeah, and I could melt some chocolate and have chocolate covered pretzels! Oh, that's not healthy either is it. And that's when I realized that I was looking to self medicate with food. So I turned here...to my blog to put it down for posterities sake. I'm hoping that I can resist the urge for those ultimate comfort (and lots of it) foods. I am going to do my best to indulge in a HEALTHY (healthier?) snack tonight if I feel I really must. But I want to put it down here so if I do cave...I can look back and learn! (hopefully having it written out will curb the desire...so far no luck...but I'm ever hopeful)
Monday morning....restart
Welcome Monday morning and the beginning of the work week. I'm ready to get back to the routine. It seems as if I ran constantly all weekend. Just lots going on....lots completed, lots of running. Ohh yeah, and in case you just didn't see it coming...lots of eating! Saturday wasn't all that bad when I look at in in reflection. Friday was on the cusp of being bad. Not entirely bad....but just not good! Yesterday...Sunday. WHEW. It wasn't that it was all that bad. I just was missing some veggies and fruits. And well...I just ate more than I should have. SOoOOOO I'm looking forward to getting back to the routine of eating healthy....drinking my water. Just getting back to what my body actually NEEDS and not what it wants.
Why was yesterday all screwed up. We worked and did a few yard thinsg in the morning. We had lunch. I planned a big lunch as I knew we would be working and may not get to dinner until closer to 8PM. Why? We were running sound at Evensong Farm all afternoon and early evening. Julie (owner of Evensong) had soup for us for a mid afternoon snack. And when we got home at 8 or so....I was just plain hungry. (lugging around sound equipment works up an appetite!)
This morning I started off by making caramel sticky buns. Ha! Found a recipe where I can have one for 4 points. And it was GOOD! I've got my fruit and veggies for lunch...and I've got a low points dinner planned. SO we'll see how it goes!
Stats for Sunday October 4, 2009
I'm actually not proud to write this...
toast-
pizza burger (using turkey...and on an arnolds sandwich thin bun thingy)
Mixed veggies
applesauce
cup of split pea soup
dinner roll
individual bag of pretzels
tacos
rice
ice cream (2 scoops...two large scoops)
Why was yesterday all screwed up. We worked and did a few yard thinsg in the morning. We had lunch. I planned a big lunch as I knew we would be working and may not get to dinner until closer to 8PM. Why? We were running sound at Evensong Farm all afternoon and early evening. Julie (owner of Evensong) had soup for us for a mid afternoon snack. And when we got home at 8 or so....I was just plain hungry. (lugging around sound equipment works up an appetite!)
This morning I started off by making caramel sticky buns. Ha! Found a recipe where I can have one for 4 points. And it was GOOD! I've got my fruit and veggies for lunch...and I've got a low points dinner planned. SO we'll see how it goes!
Stats for Sunday October 4, 2009
I'm actually not proud to write this...
toast-
pizza burger (using turkey...and on an arnolds sandwich thin bun thingy)
Mixed veggies
applesauce
cup of split pea soup
dinner roll
individual bag of pretzels
tacos
rice
ice cream (2 scoops...two large scoops)
Saturday, October 03, 2009
BLEGHHHH
Don't have too much to say right now. I'm not happy with my weight. I'm not happy at all. I'm hoping that it's the monthly water retention coupled with no water drinking yesterday....but I'm 2 pounds up! And I'm worried because I'm going to a potluck dinner tonight for a meeting that I'm attending. Ohhh ohhh!
Stats for October 2, 2009
No formal exercise
Water: less than 20 ounces
food:
homemade egg sandwich
applesauce
two slices pizza
1 serving wheat pretzels
1/4 cup baked beans
1/4 cup potato salad
Burning Bridge Sub (Gandolfo's)
Cinnamon cookies....3 Yeah, I shouldn't have had these
So yes, you can see where I didn't drink. I was sorely lacking in fruits and veggies. And itw as a bit (just slightly...haa haa haa) carb laden!
Stats for October 2, 2009
No formal exercise
Water: less than 20 ounces
food:
homemade egg sandwich
applesauce
two slices pizza
1 serving wheat pretzels
1/4 cup baked beans
1/4 cup potato salad
Burning Bridge Sub (Gandolfo's)
Cinnamon cookies....3 Yeah, I shouldn't have had these
So yes, you can see where I didn't drink. I was sorely lacking in fruits and veggies. And itw as a bit (just slightly...haa haa haa) carb laden!
Friday, October 02, 2009
Have your cake and eat it too!
Yesterday I was at work and they brought in gingerbread men cookie. They looked sooo good. So I looked at my eating for the day and adjusted one or two little things for the evening and indulged in a cookie. My points were just fine for the day so I wasn't worried. AND this morning my weight was lower yet! Wooo hoooo!!
Stats for Octover 1
Gym-50 minutes cardio
Food-
toast
corn
carrots
mandarin oranges
gr beans
jello pudding cup
grapes
toast
pizza casserole
applesauce
gingerbread cookie
ww candy
Stats for Octover 1
Gym-50 minutes cardio
Food-
toast
corn
carrots
mandarin oranges
gr beans
jello pudding cup
grapes
toast
pizza casserole
applesauce
gingerbread cookie
ww candy
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Yesterday I was talking to a gal at work about her efforts to lose weight. She talked about how she makes Fridays her free day. And it made me start to think about how I used to do free days. I didn't worry about what I ate those days. I still tracked though and low and behold I started to realize that my splurges, while still splurges were actually not that bad. Most importantly, I had really good success with it. I started weight watchers and I took away the free day. However, I would have a free meal after my weigh in. I ate the comfort foods that night. I didn't worry about it. And I had really good success. Somewhere along the way my splurge days and or meals disappeared. So I decided to restart it. I'm basically not going to set a day to have a splurge...I'm just going to say taht it has to be at least a week since my last splurge. Sooo, my last real splurge was for heritage days...on Sept. 19th....so that was a week and a half! So last night for dinner when we went to Durangos, I didn't go hog wild, but I did allow myself to enjoy the hot, thin salty chips with salsa! And we split an appetizer (papusas) and I enjoyed my chicken meal. I came home and I journalled it. And I've moved on. This morning, weighed myself and I was at 211.6. I'll take it. And now I can't have another splurge until at the EARLIEST next wednesday!
Yesterday I got home from work at noon and made lunch. We had Zucchini and Corn casserole. I know a few weeks ago I said that the garden was done. I meant that I was done with the canning. We have been pulling out some fresh things here and there. Yesterday may have been the last of the zucchini (time will tell). So we had that for lunch....VERY low cal/points! While I was making the zucchini dish, I took the time and threw together a casserole for dinner tonight. Pizza Casserole is on the menu for tonight. Yup, it's a casserole week. But it's perfect for nights like tonight when I get home at 6:10 and Todd has to leave at 6:45. This way we can still have a nice dinner!
After making and eating lunch, we headed up to town. I got a nice cardio workout in AND a great strength training workout in! I also mowed at my parents house for a while until Todd took over. We did a few other things in town and then went to dinner. We went to Durangos...a Spanish restaurant in downtown Hagerstown. I ordered Pollo Asado. (chicken, steamed veggies, fried onions, and a bit of rice). Todd and I split a papusa and we did ok UNTIL I remember that we also ate not one...but TWO baskets of chips and dip. Todd ordered off the tex-mex menu last night and as he ordered something beef, I wasn't tempted. (thank goodness for small miracles).
I didn't feel sick after my eating, I did however feel bloated!
Stats for September 30, 2009
toast
zucchini and corn casserole
pears
weight watcher candy
polla asado
chips and salsa
papusa
All fruit frozen bar
Gym visit.....30 minutes cardio 30 minutes weights AND 20 minutes mowing.
Yesterday I got home from work at noon and made lunch. We had Zucchini and Corn casserole. I know a few weeks ago I said that the garden was done. I meant that I was done with the canning. We have been pulling out some fresh things here and there. Yesterday may have been the last of the zucchini (time will tell). So we had that for lunch....VERY low cal/points! While I was making the zucchini dish, I took the time and threw together a casserole for dinner tonight. Pizza Casserole is on the menu for tonight. Yup, it's a casserole week. But it's perfect for nights like tonight when I get home at 6:10 and Todd has to leave at 6:45. This way we can still have a nice dinner!
After making and eating lunch, we headed up to town. I got a nice cardio workout in AND a great strength training workout in! I also mowed at my parents house for a while until Todd took over. We did a few other things in town and then went to dinner. We went to Durangos...a Spanish restaurant in downtown Hagerstown. I ordered Pollo Asado. (chicken, steamed veggies, fried onions, and a bit of rice). Todd and I split a papusa and we did ok UNTIL I remember that we also ate not one...but TWO baskets of chips and dip. Todd ordered off the tex-mex menu last night and as he ordered something beef, I wasn't tempted. (thank goodness for small miracles).
I didn't feel sick after my eating, I did however feel bloated!
Stats for September 30, 2009
toast
zucchini and corn casserole
pears
weight watcher candy
polla asado
chips and salsa
papusa
All fruit frozen bar
Gym visit.....30 minutes cardio 30 minutes weights AND 20 minutes mowing.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Goals
Good morning! Today is my half day at work, thus I am here bright and early. BUT, I get off at noon! WOOOOO Hoooo! The afternoon is jammed packed with things to do. A gym visit is first and foremost on the plans. Among other things we have to mow at mom and dad's house, take care of their cat while they are away, pick up pain meds for Ethel, attend travelogue tonight, and of course go to dinner. I am determined to keep my eating under control. Before we leave I'll be making lunch....a zucchini casserole that we like...VERY low point! Yes, I know that I declared the garden done...but I picked about 10 pounds of green peppers yesterday, Todd dug up a huge slew of carrots, and I picked a few more zucchini. It's never ending!
My weight is flucuating this week between 211.6 and 212.6. It's frustrating because today is a 212.6 day. I'm just holding on...knowing that the weight will drop. I know that there are extenuating circumstances that are causing my weight to stay up even in the face of my proper eating. (water retention...I had some high sodium foods yesterday added to the oncoming monthly ick. AND I have started working out. That sometimes causes a little spike of weight...so I'm just determined to wait out the weight!
Today is a strength training day at the gym. I have decided that I'm going to do strength training 2-3 times a week. (yeah, I'm famous for making these edicts.....but I really do want to do it). As I lose this weight again, I want to be toned. I read somewhere that the flabby skin is best hidden by putting muscles where the fat used to be. Soooo I'm going to try it. As I lose this last 30 pounds I'm going to work on toning up also!
Speaking of the last 30. Todd doesn't read my blog (at least that I know of...lol). I don't care if he does...but I just don't think he does. So I don't think he is aware of my thoughts about turning 180 into my final goal. Well yesterday we were running a few errends and as we pulled into the parking lot at Best Buy we were talking about our one doctor that is HUGE and about a year ago told me that at my age that he thought I should be between 160 and 180 (basically going against the BMI recommended weight). He said that even the low end of 160 may be a push for me. The Doctor's exact words were 'it's not impossible, but you would have to be in professional athletic shape." Soooo Todd and I were talking about that and Tood told me that he really thinks that 180 was the perfect weight for me. He went on to site reasons why...but he cemented in the 180 as my goal. We were talking and Todd was like, make it your goal to be 180 and work on toning up (woah...that's what I've been doing.....is he a mind reader??) and see what happens at that point...but he is in agreement with my parents that my face was looking very gaunt when i was making forays into the 170's. Soooooo there you have it.....my goal...approved and recommended by my doctor and my husband.
Stats for September 29, 2009
Gym visit...all cardio
Food:
egg/cheese sandwich (homemade)
sauerkraut
green beans
carrots
pudding cup
2 fat free turkey hot dogs
2 hot dog buns
baked beans
banana split pie...ok ok ok...two servings. BUT, that would count for two servings of fruit! And I put in extra fruit in my banana split pie...double the banana...double the strawberries and I added pineapple!
My weight is flucuating this week between 211.6 and 212.6. It's frustrating because today is a 212.6 day. I'm just holding on...knowing that the weight will drop. I know that there are extenuating circumstances that are causing my weight to stay up even in the face of my proper eating. (water retention...I had some high sodium foods yesterday added to the oncoming monthly ick. AND I have started working out. That sometimes causes a little spike of weight...so I'm just determined to wait out the weight!
Today is a strength training day at the gym. I have decided that I'm going to do strength training 2-3 times a week. (yeah, I'm famous for making these edicts.....but I really do want to do it). As I lose this weight again, I want to be toned. I read somewhere that the flabby skin is best hidden by putting muscles where the fat used to be. Soooo I'm going to try it. As I lose this last 30 pounds I'm going to work on toning up also!
Speaking of the last 30. Todd doesn't read my blog (at least that I know of...lol). I don't care if he does...but I just don't think he does. So I don't think he is aware of my thoughts about turning 180 into my final goal. Well yesterday we were running a few errends and as we pulled into the parking lot at Best Buy we were talking about our one doctor that is HUGE and about a year ago told me that at my age that he thought I should be between 160 and 180 (basically going against the BMI recommended weight). He said that even the low end of 160 may be a push for me. The Doctor's exact words were 'it's not impossible, but you would have to be in professional athletic shape." Soooo Todd and I were talking about that and Tood told me that he really thinks that 180 was the perfect weight for me. He went on to site reasons why...but he cemented in the 180 as my goal. We were talking and Todd was like, make it your goal to be 180 and work on toning up (woah...that's what I've been doing.....is he a mind reader??) and see what happens at that point...but he is in agreement with my parents that my face was looking very gaunt when i was making forays into the 170's. Soooooo there you have it.....my goal...approved and recommended by my doctor and my husband.
Stats for September 29, 2009
Gym visit...all cardio
Food:
egg/cheese sandwich (homemade)
sauerkraut
green beans
carrots
pudding cup
2 fat free turkey hot dogs
2 hot dog buns
baked beans
banana split pie...ok ok ok...two servings. BUT, that would count for two servings of fruit! And I put in extra fruit in my banana split pie...double the banana...double the strawberries and I added pineapple!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I was so planned out with my eating yesterday. I knew that dinner was a bit higher, but I accounted for that the rest of the day and I was set. Well, I got home from work and Todd was just getting home from some errends. He was carrying a bag from the ice cream shop. Uggghhhh??? I was like, "we have banana split pie for dessert". He calmly answered...'No we don't...I ate some for lunch, there is still a bit in there". So he stopped at the ice cream shop and picked us up frozen yogurt. (fat free at least). Ok, that wasn't all that bad, I just looked up the numbers...maybe only 1 or 2 points more than the banana split pie. BUT, I fell into the "this yogurt/banana split pie switch has already blown my day" mentaility....so I had two helpings of the baked ziti. I guess it COULD be worse. I did work out in the morning. I worked out on Sunday...and I'm heading to the gym this morning also. Oh yeah, I ate 1/2 of the last piece of banana split pie too.....so there is 2 extra points also!!!! ARRGGHHH
I just put my food for today in my journal and all is well. And as for the banana split pie.....I made another one last night (added a layer of crushed pineapple...we'll see how that is when we have it for dinner tonight.....Todd will probably test it at lunch...haa haa haa)
Sooooo here is the stats for Monday Sept. 28, 2009
35 minutes cardio at the gym
30 minutes strength training at the gym
toast
green beans
chicken broccoli bake
banana
grapes
strawberries
baked ziti --1 1/2 servings (booo hooo...but it tasted really really good)
garlic toast
1/2 piece of banana split pie
fat free frozen yogurt
I just put my food for today in my journal and all is well. And as for the banana split pie.....I made another one last night (added a layer of crushed pineapple...we'll see how that is when we have it for dinner tonight.....Todd will probably test it at lunch...haa haa haa)
Sooooo here is the stats for Monday Sept. 28, 2009
35 minutes cardio at the gym
30 minutes strength training at the gym
toast
green beans
chicken broccoli bake
banana
grapes
strawberries
baked ziti --1 1/2 servings (booo hooo...but it tasted really really good)
garlic toast
1/2 piece of banana split pie
fat free frozen yogurt
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday morning already??????
The weeekend was rather uneventful. BUT, the most important thing that happened? I kept my eating under control!! I stayed within my food allowance and I actually ate well....not totally carb laden or anything like that.
Last night Todd and I settled down to play some Halo (we got the new one on Saturday). I popped some popcorn for our enjoyment. I was eating it and it hit me. I had the points for it. It was not over my allowance or anything like that. And I started to thinking about all the food I ate. I ate dessert for heavens sake...a healthy dessert, but dessert none-the-less. But the difference....I ate lots of fruits and veggies (naturally low in calories/points) By eating and making better choices, I was able to have the special thing (popcorn). And then I started to think...I've actually had popcorn 3 nights this past week.....and I didnt' go over my points any of those days either! By eating healthy, I actually eat more food. It's crazy!
Sooooooooo...the only other thing that happened this weekend. I made it to the gym on Sunday, I've already been there this morning also! Yesterday I did 45 minutes of straight up, sweat pouring off my body cardio. This morning I did 35 minutes of that perspiration inducing cardio and 30 minutes of strength training! Yup, I'm going to focus on doing the right thing and get strength training in a few times a week. We'll see how that goes!
September 27, 2009 Check in
toast
grilled cheese
carrots
sauerkraut
strawberries
piece of ww candy (double chocolate nuggat)
cheddar broccoli chicken bake
green beans
brown rice
banana split pie
popcorn
The weeekend was rather uneventful. BUT, the most important thing that happened? I kept my eating under control!! I stayed within my food allowance and I actually ate well....not totally carb laden or anything like that.
Last night Todd and I settled down to play some Halo (we got the new one on Saturday). I popped some popcorn for our enjoyment. I was eating it and it hit me. I had the points for it. It was not over my allowance or anything like that. And I started to thinking about all the food I ate. I ate dessert for heavens sake...a healthy dessert, but dessert none-the-less. But the difference....I ate lots of fruits and veggies (naturally low in calories/points) By eating and making better choices, I was able to have the special thing (popcorn). And then I started to think...I've actually had popcorn 3 nights this past week.....and I didnt' go over my points any of those days either! By eating healthy, I actually eat more food. It's crazy!
Sooooooooo...the only other thing that happened this weekend. I made it to the gym on Sunday, I've already been there this morning also! Yesterday I did 45 minutes of straight up, sweat pouring off my body cardio. This morning I did 35 minutes of that perspiration inducing cardio and 30 minutes of strength training! Yup, I'm going to focus on doing the right thing and get strength training in a few times a week. We'll see how that goes!
September 27, 2009 Check in
toast
grilled cheese
carrots
sauerkraut
strawberries
piece of ww candy (double chocolate nuggat)
cheddar broccoli chicken bake
green beans
brown rice
banana split pie
popcorn
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Empowerment
I'm in a much better place emotionally. Yeah, the bad stuff still gets to me....but I'm trying to focus on the good stuff. I would say that one of the big things that has helped me...is being able to focus on the control that I've had with my eating the last few days. As my funk increased, I became more determined to beat the funk and not give into the 'happy eating' that usually occurs. I'm happy to say that I actually have been doing well. Yesterday I made a lower fat/calorie version of a 'happy food' but that's the name of the game. When I sit down and think about it, when I have control over my eating, I really and truely do feel so empowered and strong...and that carried over and helped me feel empowered in every day life. Kinda neat.
Feeling empowered and strong just from beating a few days of my food addiction issues is really a good feeling. Addiction transfer???? I would be HAPPY to trade my food addiction to being addicted to being in control!!!
I've also beeen looking through and getting ready to try a whole slew of new recipes...and to me, that is sooo fun!!!
I've also decided that I am not going to worry about small goals on my way down (the 200 mark, every 10 pounds...or whatever). I am setting up my one final goal that I never reached. I had originally said 150 and we were going on a vacation of my choice....I was torn between a cruise, a trip to the bahamas...some all inclusive resort, or Disney world. SOOOOO I know that at 180 I was happy with my weight....people were commenting and telling me that my face was actually too gaunt. So I'm aiming for 180 as my final goal at this point. So when I get to 180....we are taking that trip. To add an incentive........my 20 year high school reunion should be next year....and what a pity (haa haa haa) it is in FL...so if I can combine that with my trip to Disney (I haven't been there since we moved from FL right about the time of my graduation from high school...and Todd's never been there). My employers also put a hold on raises this year....they were actually upset about this and in appreciation to our understanding and acceptance (what else could we do...at least we have jobs...lol) they have given us a week extra of vacation time to use by the end of next year. Hmmmm...so I also have an extra week of vacation time...PERFECT!!! A valid reason. Extra vacation time to use. AND a goal to reach!!! So I have a goal. As of yesterday morning 31 pounds by next summer. That's REALLY doable. My realistic (should be realitively easy) goal is to be under 200 by Christmas (11 pounds) ...my "I'd be over the moon" goal would be 190 by Christmas (21 pounds in 3 months...still quite doable).
My plan is to make it to the gym today!!!! I've got to get serious about the exercise. Exercise will help me make that goal!!!
The one other thing that I did that I think has helped to lift my spirits...even though I have dreaded doing it because it means I'm admitting that temporary failure of gaining weight...is that I broke down and went to Sears. When we bought our freezer earlier this summer we opted for the free delivery. You pay it up front, and then get it back in the mail. I opted for the gift card, knowing that I can always find a pair of tennis shoes or SOMETHING there. Well, earlier this week I got it in the mail $82.50. I knew immediately what I was going to do. Buy clothes that fit me. I hated to do it because I was giving in and admitting that I gained weight and that my clothes no longer fit. I was looking at it as being a failure....I'm buying clothes in the next size up! And not only was I feeling like a failure, but I was wasting my money on this failure by having to buy new clothes But I've been miserable for weeks upon end as I shove myself into the same few articles of clothing that still fit (most quite tightly) day in and day out. So when this gift card came...it was almost like 'free money' (yeah, I know that in reality I paid for it....) and it freed me to spend the money. Sears had some REALLY good deals. I bought 2 pairs of work/dress pants in neutral colors (I found a pair a few weeks ago for 3 bucks so I have one pair of dress pants that I've been wearing numerous times each week) and 11 tops for my 82.50! I shopped carefully and tried to buy stuff that fit me perfectly (nothing loose to 'allow' myself to gain even more weight) and also things that I can wear even after I lose weight. I bought a shells and camisole type shirts to go under my button down shirts that I can't wear right now (gained weight...the buttons are gaping across my chest area on my button down shirts)....so I can play with them and get more use out of them.
So all that said....Food for September 26, 2009
Baked Sugar n' Spice Doughnuts
Salad
Vegetable soup
garlic bread
roasted potatoes
carrots
peas
sauerkraut
strawberries
Fruit bar-strawberry
Feeling empowered and strong just from beating a few days of my food addiction issues is really a good feeling. Addiction transfer???? I would be HAPPY to trade my food addiction to being addicted to being in control!!!
I've also beeen looking through and getting ready to try a whole slew of new recipes...and to me, that is sooo fun!!!
I've also decided that I am not going to worry about small goals on my way down (the 200 mark, every 10 pounds...or whatever). I am setting up my one final goal that I never reached. I had originally said 150 and we were going on a vacation of my choice....I was torn between a cruise, a trip to the bahamas...some all inclusive resort, or Disney world. SOOOOO I know that at 180 I was happy with my weight....people were commenting and telling me that my face was actually too gaunt. So I'm aiming for 180 as my final goal at this point. So when I get to 180....we are taking that trip. To add an incentive........my 20 year high school reunion should be next year....and what a pity (haa haa haa) it is in FL...so if I can combine that with my trip to Disney (I haven't been there since we moved from FL right about the time of my graduation from high school...and Todd's never been there). My employers also put a hold on raises this year....they were actually upset about this and in appreciation to our understanding and acceptance (what else could we do...at least we have jobs...lol) they have given us a week extra of vacation time to use by the end of next year. Hmmmm...so I also have an extra week of vacation time...PERFECT!!! A valid reason. Extra vacation time to use. AND a goal to reach!!! So I have a goal. As of yesterday morning 31 pounds by next summer. That's REALLY doable. My realistic (should be realitively easy) goal is to be under 200 by Christmas (11 pounds) ...my "I'd be over the moon" goal would be 190 by Christmas (21 pounds in 3 months...still quite doable).
My plan is to make it to the gym today!!!! I've got to get serious about the exercise. Exercise will help me make that goal!!!
The one other thing that I did that I think has helped to lift my spirits...even though I have dreaded doing it because it means I'm admitting that temporary failure of gaining weight...is that I broke down and went to Sears. When we bought our freezer earlier this summer we opted for the free delivery. You pay it up front, and then get it back in the mail. I opted for the gift card, knowing that I can always find a pair of tennis shoes or SOMETHING there. Well, earlier this week I got it in the mail $82.50. I knew immediately what I was going to do. Buy clothes that fit me. I hated to do it because I was giving in and admitting that I gained weight and that my clothes no longer fit. I was looking at it as being a failure....I'm buying clothes in the next size up! And not only was I feeling like a failure, but I was wasting my money on this failure by having to buy new clothes But I've been miserable for weeks upon end as I shove myself into the same few articles of clothing that still fit (most quite tightly) day in and day out. So when this gift card came...it was almost like 'free money' (yeah, I know that in reality I paid for it....) and it freed me to spend the money. Sears had some REALLY good deals. I bought 2 pairs of work/dress pants in neutral colors (I found a pair a few weeks ago for 3 bucks so I have one pair of dress pants that I've been wearing numerous times each week) and 11 tops for my 82.50! I shopped carefully and tried to buy stuff that fit me perfectly (nothing loose to 'allow' myself to gain even more weight) and also things that I can wear even after I lose weight. I bought a shells and camisole type shirts to go under my button down shirts that I can't wear right now (gained weight...the buttons are gaping across my chest area on my button down shirts)....so I can play with them and get more use out of them.
So all that said....Food for September 26, 2009
Baked Sugar n' Spice Doughnuts
Salad
Vegetable soup
garlic bread
roasted potatoes
carrots
peas
sauerkraut
strawberries
Fruit bar-strawberry
Saturday, September 26, 2009
I didn't weigh myself the last two days, but I've been determined to not turn to my 'happy foods' to make myself feel better. It's been rough, but I've managed to stay away from the 'happy foods'. AND....I've been rewarded, the scales went down another pound!!! WOO HOOO!!!
Yes, that is my new term....happy foods. We all have our happy foods. For me it's baked goods and carbs. Pasta pasta pasta! Comfort foods...but I prefer to call them happy foods. Becuase they will make me happy (fleetingly of course...but happy) and if I'm already in a good mood...well then happy foods are a prefect accompaniment! Happy foods! But I've managed my happy food consumption these last few days. And while my mood has been one that I feel as if the world is crumbling down around me......I feel really good because I have been 100% in control of my eating!
Food for Friday September 25, 2009 (and might I add that they ordered in pizza for us at lunch at work).
toast
mandarin oranges
corn
green beans
kiwi
string cheese
Homemade Helper (sooo very tasty)
applesauce
lowfat/ff ice cream (yup, exactly 1/2 cup...I premeasure my ice cream as soon as I bring it home)
popcorn
Yes, that is my new term....happy foods. We all have our happy foods. For me it's baked goods and carbs. Pasta pasta pasta! Comfort foods...but I prefer to call them happy foods. Becuase they will make me happy (fleetingly of course...but happy) and if I'm already in a good mood...well then happy foods are a prefect accompaniment! Happy foods! But I've managed my happy food consumption these last few days. And while my mood has been one that I feel as if the world is crumbling down around me......I feel really good because I have been 100% in control of my eating!
Food for Friday September 25, 2009 (and might I add that they ordered in pizza for us at lunch at work).
toast
mandarin oranges
corn
green beans
kiwi
string cheese
Homemade Helper (sooo very tasty)
applesauce
lowfat/ff ice cream (yup, exactly 1/2 cup...I premeasure my ice cream as soon as I bring it home)
popcorn
Friday, September 25, 2009
Blah
Not gonna write today as I'm in a grand funk. I don't have it in me. However I vowed that my food would be posted on line....so......
Food for September 24, 2009
2 eggs
potatoes
toast
turkey bacon
Mandarin oranges
pudding cup
kiwi
string cheese
smart ones pizza
popcorn
toast
Food for September 24, 2009
2 eggs
potatoes
toast
turkey bacon
Mandarin oranges
pudding cup
kiwi
string cheese
smart ones pizza
popcorn
toast
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Food for thought!
Wow..posts in one day...but I was reading some other blogs and low and behold I hit upon this one....and wowzers, did it really hit me square in the forhead. This simple one line "If you want to change, you can’t just be in love with the end result, you have to fall in love with the process too." Striks a huge chord. I was/am totally in love with the end result...with me at 180 (a year ago)...that I've lost focus on the current process and in reality the current me. Please please please read this post!!!! I promise it will be worth your time!!!
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