What a gorgeous day for a walk!!!! No, I didn't walk at the park today. I actually took this picture yesterday....but the park is a great place to walk! I walked back in the woods behind my house. We were actually on a mushroom hunt. Sadly we didn't find any....well, not edible ones at any rate.
I strapped on my pedometer this morning and I'm counting my steps. I'm thinking that I'll get a TON of steps in the next two weeks as I'm getting ready to walk in a March for the babies walk (March of Dimes). That walk will take place on April 24th. If it was a bit further out, I would probably raise money for this walk, but two weeks is not much time....so I"ll just donate myself and maybe later this year I'll raise money for another cause.
We are a week out from GWG. WHEW....I'm going to be a busy girl the next few weeks!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Walking
Sunday, April 11, 2010
smoothie
YUMMY. This is my new favorite thing....smoothies. I usually don't like smoothies....basically because of the heavy use of milk. However, I am not using much milk in my smoothies... Really tasty. I literally throw some berries in there (frozen from last year) a banana some agave nectar and a splash of milk. SUper tasty!
I woke up early and rode the exercise bike.....I knew that if I didn't do it early that there was a VERY good chance that I would get to it at all. So I just woke up and did it. Happy that I did too.
Getting ready to wear my pedometer starting tomorrow for a challenge that I want to participate in.. I'm also fixing to walk a lot in preparation for the weight watchers walking challenge AND I just had a friend send an email out asking for someone to be accountable with to wear a pedometer every day and to post our results. Hello...this MUST be a sign that I need to walk more. haa haa haa
Saturday, April 10, 2010
I've had a busy day! I woke up early....made myself a smoothie (frozen strawberries that I froze last year, small banana, agave nectar, and a splash of milk), put it in my glass and headed out to my weigh in. I gained 4/10ths of a pound. I'm ok with that. I wish it were different...but I'm ok with it. I left my meeting and went right to the gym. I have been walking 3 minutes and then jogging 2 minutes for a total of 30 minutes. Today I went to 46 minutes...and I did walk 2 minutes and jog 3 minutes. And I made it!! I also did weights! so a good day at the gym. After that I went to hang out with my mom for the day. Nice and relaxing. I just got home....so I'm going to bed!!! It's been a long day! More deep thoughts tomorrow (haa haa haa....like my thoughts are deep!)
Friday, April 09, 2010
Ghost or Gremlins
Yesterday I was so excited about my weight loss that was showing on the scales. I was in disbelief. I stepped off the scales and reweighed myself. It was the same. WOOOOOO HOOOO! I was ready to celebrate. But in the back of my mind I was thinking, "This is too good to be true". SO this morning I stepped onto the scales again......oh yeah....right back to where I expected it to be (a maintain for all intense purposes...possibly a small gain). I double checked it this morning...the same. Now there is no way that I gained 8 pounds!!! No flippin' way! So thus I'm convinced that my scales are posessed by the weight loss demon!
That's all I have to say this morning...I'm reeling from my weigh in. Even though it was what I expected all along...I'm still reeling.
That's all I have to say this morning...I'm reeling from my weigh in. Even though it was what I expected all along...I'm still reeling.
Thursday, April 08, 2010
Ok, after my excitement midweek last week, I'm almost scared to talk about my morning. But heck, I'm going to do it. It's life and it if turns on me...so be it. I haven't weighed myself since my weigh in day (Saturday). I've eaten a lot....but I've exercised a lot. I've been actually rather nervous. Just hoping that my activity was enough to keep my weight at a maintain level. So this morning I decided to step onto the scales. I looked down and kept looking as the room spinned madly out of control. I about likely fell off the scale. How could it be????? I was showing just about 7 pounds down! In a week???? I haven't had a loss like that since I first joined weight watchers. Holy Moley! So you can see that I'm excited....but I know that there are two more days before weigh in and anything can happen.
Yesterday I got up early and exercised, but I also threw my bike clothes in my duffel bag and threw the bike on top of the car before heading to work. All day long those internal voices argued quite loudly in my head. They said things like, "ohhh MaryFran, you've already exercised today, why go tonight", and "You hate to ride by yourself", and "why bother". I argued back with them all day with the arguments such as "I'm tired of being fat", "I have a bike ride coming up" and then simply "SHUT UP" Sooooo I'm happy to announce that when I got off work I pulled the bike off the top of the car and jumped on my bike (I hate hate hate riding on the road I live on...the 2.5 miles in and out are hideous.....and NARROW, so it's rather unsafe). I rode for an hour. I haven't been out much on the road on my bike this year thus far. I think tortoises were going faster than me up some of those hills. But I perservered. My feet did not touch the ground once during the ride (well, except for when two rednecks in their trucks stopped to talk and blocked the road making me have to stop behind them and wait for their toothless conversation to end. I used the time to hook myself up with a nice long drink of water.)
All in all it was so exhilerating to be out on the road, the wind in my face, the sun warming my skin, good music playing on my ipod and the smell of a freshly fertilized fields filling up my lungs with that fresh country smell. (that smell for you city folk would be manure.....good old fashioned SHIT). If only I could remember how good it feels to be exercising and how good I feel AFTER I exercise.....it's absolutely wonderful. So why do I bulk about doing it???? I dread starting! All day I warred within myself about going. Why?
Furthermore.....I exercised for 2 hours yesterday! You would think I would be devoid of energy. NO, not even remotely. I got home last night and cleaned the kitchen....down on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor clean! So my belief that exercise brings more energy holds true!
Yesterday I got up early and exercised, but I also threw my bike clothes in my duffel bag and threw the bike on top of the car before heading to work. All day long those internal voices argued quite loudly in my head. They said things like, "ohhh MaryFran, you've already exercised today, why go tonight", and "You hate to ride by yourself", and "why bother". I argued back with them all day with the arguments such as "I'm tired of being fat", "I have a bike ride coming up" and then simply "SHUT UP" Sooooo I'm happy to announce that when I got off work I pulled the bike off the top of the car and jumped on my bike (I hate hate hate riding on the road I live on...the 2.5 miles in and out are hideous.....and NARROW, so it's rather unsafe). I rode for an hour. I haven't been out much on the road on my bike this year thus far. I think tortoises were going faster than me up some of those hills. But I perservered. My feet did not touch the ground once during the ride (well, except for when two rednecks in their trucks stopped to talk and blocked the road making me have to stop behind them and wait for their toothless conversation to end. I used the time to hook myself up with a nice long drink of water.)
All in all it was so exhilerating to be out on the road, the wind in my face, the sun warming my skin, good music playing on my ipod and the smell of a freshly fertilized fields filling up my lungs with that fresh country smell. (that smell for you city folk would be manure.....good old fashioned SHIT). If only I could remember how good it feels to be exercising and how good I feel AFTER I exercise.....it's absolutely wonderful. So why do I bulk about doing it???? I dread starting! All day I warred within myself about going. Why?
Furthermore.....I exercised for 2 hours yesterday! You would think I would be devoid of energy. NO, not even remotely. I got home last night and cleaned the kitchen....down on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor clean! So my belief that exercise brings more energy holds true!
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Well....I have no clue where I am at this week. I haven't weighed myself. I'm debating back and forth between weighing myself tomorrow or waiting until Saturday. I've eaten a whole lot of food!!!! Those 35 flex points have been LONG GONE. I've earned 60 activity points....I've only got 25 of those left...yikes! That's a whole lot of eating!
But I'm here! Today someone in a group that I am part of asked for quotes or things that we think and keep in our heads to help us in our every day world....here are some that I came up with.
1. The old Army (I think it was army) jingle. "Be all that you can be" So perfect because so many times we DON'T live up to our potential!!!!
2. The nike slogan recently has hit me. "JUST DO IT" We sit back and let our worries and our self doubts hold us back. Why? What is the worst that is going to happen???? Just do it. No holds barred!
3. The only failure is not trying and/or giving up
4. weight loss related:
a. No food tastes as good as thin feels.
b. No exercise hurts more than fat does.
5. LIVE BIG! I got this one from my brother when my grandmother passed away a few years back. He said "she lived big" And it was true. My grandmother did what made her happy. She did stuff for a laugh and to make herself and others around her happy. She was generous to a fault but she lived big. She didn't do things in halves...she did them the whole way! She lived her life like everyday could be her last!
But I'm here! Today someone in a group that I am part of asked for quotes or things that we think and keep in our heads to help us in our every day world....here are some that I came up with.
1. The old Army (I think it was army) jingle. "Be all that you can be" So perfect because so many times we DON'T live up to our potential!!!!
2. The nike slogan recently has hit me. "JUST DO IT" We sit back and let our worries and our self doubts hold us back. Why? What is the worst that is going to happen???? Just do it. No holds barred!
3. The only failure is not trying and/or giving up
4. weight loss related:
a. No food tastes as good as thin feels.
b. No exercise hurts more than fat does.
5. LIVE BIG! I got this one from my brother when my grandmother passed away a few years back. He said "she lived big" And it was true. My grandmother did what made her happy. She did stuff for a laugh and to make herself and others around her happy. She was generous to a fault but she lived big. She didn't do things in halves...she did them the whole way! She lived her life like everyday could be her last!
Monday, April 05, 2010
My plan for the week
I woke up early...got my creaky sore muscles moving (and boy was I sore after all that yard work yesterday) and I got my butt up to the gym. 45 min of cardio and roughly 20-25 minutes of strength training. I'm now at work...and sitting here, I can feel my body and muscles tightening back up. I brought my tennis shoes to work, so I plan on popping those on and walking around town a bit for my lunch break....just to loosen up a bit. (and hey....30 minutes of walking will net me at least 1 more...most likely 2 more Activity points!) I've eaten a good deal the last few days. I have a plan in in my mind. I want to end my week with at least 35 unused activity points. I've already used ALL of my weekly points and some of my activity points that I've already earned this week. Tomorrow is my anniversary and I know I'll be eating some extra points at dinner. (we are going to Durangos...it's a locally owned Spanish Restaurant). BUT, I'll also be working out in the yard again ALL day. (I told Todd that I would be willing to sacrifice our anniversary day off together to work in the yard on one condition......the MaryFran kitchen is closed......no food will come out of my kitchen. He agreed....although I may relax my guard and thus we will probably do breakfast at home....that would be overkill....haa haa haa) So anyway......As of right now I've earned 40 AP points....but because of what I've eaten, I only have 32.5 points of those AP left. Thus, I have to eat perfectly (just daily points) and earn 2.5 AP points and I will have satisfied my challenge for this week. (or earn a heck of a lot more AP points if I indulge tomorrow night).
I receive the little blurb from The Biggest Loser. For the most part it's an advertisement to join their club (Nope, not going to do that....I'm a weight watchers girl) and a reminder/recap of the weeks episode. But they also throw in some little tidbits. In the most recent email they challenged everyone to list the Top 5 things....I thought it would be fun!
Top 5 victories you've experienced up to now in your journey.
1. Dropping below 200 pounds
2. Hitting my goal weight (which admittedly is the top end of the doctors goal for me)
3. Making lifetime at weight watchers.
4. Having the perseverance to not give up even as I watched myself slip backwards
5. No longer being obese.
Top 5 goals you want to accomplish this year.
Ok, I'm cheating a bit.....because some of the answers in the first one are also part of the second...I've slipped and lost those things and I want them back DESPERATELY!
1. Get below 200 pounds
2. Be no longer considered obese. (for my height that is 196.5 pounds)
3. Return to the doctor approved goal of 180 pounds...which will also put me back at non- paying status at weight watchers!
4. I want to run. I've tried it before and my knees sometimes don't appreciate it. But I
want to run! So I'll baby my knees and see what happens. (I can for 10 out of my 30 minute
workout at the gym this morning and I feel as if I REALLY worked out!)
5. Fit in my clothes again.....to not constantly be scrambling for something to wear...while
looking at a closet full of clothes that are too small! (ha, wouldn't it be a hoot if I
lose weight and get smaller than those clothes and still be scrambling.....having to buy!)
Top 5 strategies you use to help make healthy choices consistently.
1. My mantra......No food tastes as good as thin feels
2. My exercise mantra......No exercise hurts worse than fat feels.
3. Surround myself with support in my efforts. Through my blog, friends, family, whatever!
4. Focus on treating myself in healthy ways, which will help eliminate the desire to indulge
in the unhealthy things (like banana splits......blizzards....etc etc etc) I can do this by
making healthy substitutions at home and by creating my own healthy treats.
5. Put me first!!!!!!!!!! Yes, still take care of my responsibilities...but put myself much
much higher on that list of priorities!
Top 5 skills or physical attributes that you're proud of.
1. Perseverance. I'm proud that I persevere....to the point of stubbornness sometimes.
2. My legs....my calf muscles are strong.....
3. My humor....I like my sense of humor. Yes, it's a bit warped, but I like it...
4. A skill...my cooking skills. I am proud/happy with my skills. It comes in handy
for this journey too! :-)
5. My craftiness. No...not crafty as in 'shady' or shifty...in a bad way. But the way skill
that I have to be able to dabble with almost any craft and while I may not be a mater at it,
I do fairly well at what I set my mind to!
Top 5 places you want to go — and what you are looking forward to doing when you go there.
1. Disney World- I haven't been there since we moved North from Florida. I would like to
go again. What am I looking forward to doing? For me it's more memory land...nolstalgic.
2. Germany- I don't know what I look forward to doing. I have just always been very
intrigued and have always wanted to go.
3. Caribbean- I look forward to wearing a bathing suit and LOOKING GOOD!
4. Visits with my brother....I want to go again. (northern Indiana) I look forward to being
with the family that I love so desperately, but don't get to see all that often.
5. Simply to get in the car and drive.....stop when I want to stop, stay where I want to stay
and just see the country.
I receive the little blurb from The Biggest Loser. For the most part it's an advertisement to join their club (Nope, not going to do that....I'm a weight watchers girl) and a reminder/recap of the weeks episode. But they also throw in some little tidbits. In the most recent email they challenged everyone to list the Top 5 things....I thought it would be fun!
Top 5 victories you've experienced up to now in your journey.
1. Dropping below 200 pounds
2. Hitting my goal weight (which admittedly is the top end of the doctors goal for me)
3. Making lifetime at weight watchers.
4. Having the perseverance to not give up even as I watched myself slip backwards
5. No longer being obese.
Top 5 goals you want to accomplish this year.
Ok, I'm cheating a bit.....because some of the answers in the first one are also part of the second...I've slipped and lost those things and I want them back DESPERATELY!
1. Get below 200 pounds
2. Be no longer considered obese. (for my height that is 196.5 pounds)
3. Return to the doctor approved goal of 180 pounds...which will also put me back at non- paying status at weight watchers!
4. I want to run. I've tried it before and my knees sometimes don't appreciate it. But I
want to run! So I'll baby my knees and see what happens. (I can for 10 out of my 30 minute
workout at the gym this morning and I feel as if I REALLY worked out!)
5. Fit in my clothes again.....to not constantly be scrambling for something to wear...while
looking at a closet full of clothes that are too small! (ha, wouldn't it be a hoot if I
lose weight and get smaller than those clothes and still be scrambling.....having to buy!)
Top 5 strategies you use to help make healthy choices consistently.
1. My mantra......No food tastes as good as thin feels
2. My exercise mantra......No exercise hurts worse than fat feels.
3. Surround myself with support in my efforts. Through my blog, friends, family, whatever!
4. Focus on treating myself in healthy ways, which will help eliminate the desire to indulge
in the unhealthy things (like banana splits......blizzards....etc etc etc) I can do this by
making healthy substitutions at home and by creating my own healthy treats.
5. Put me first!!!!!!!!!! Yes, still take care of my responsibilities...but put myself much
much higher on that list of priorities!
Top 5 skills or physical attributes that you're proud of.
1. Perseverance. I'm proud that I persevere....to the point of stubbornness sometimes.
2. My legs....my calf muscles are strong.....
3. My humor....I like my sense of humor. Yes, it's a bit warped, but I like it...
4. A skill...my cooking skills. I am proud/happy with my skills. It comes in handy
for this journey too! :-)
5. My craftiness. No...not crafty as in 'shady' or shifty...in a bad way. But the way skill
that I have to be able to dabble with almost any craft and while I may not be a mater at it,
I do fairly well at what I set my mind to!
Top 5 places you want to go — and what you are looking forward to doing when you go there.
1. Disney World- I haven't been there since we moved North from Florida. I would like to
go again. What am I looking forward to doing? For me it's more memory land...nolstalgic.
2. Germany- I don't know what I look forward to doing. I have just always been very
intrigued and have always wanted to go.
3. Caribbean- I look forward to wearing a bathing suit and LOOKING GOOD!
4. Visits with my brother....I want to go again. (northern Indiana) I look forward to being
with the family that I love so desperately, but don't get to see all that often.
5. Simply to get in the car and drive.....stop when I want to stop, stay where I want to stay
and just see the country.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Wow....so yesterday, had a good weigh in......stayed away from the baked sale outside of work....came home and worked all afternoon in the yard. Earned a butt load of activity points.....went out to dinner with mom and dad and at 47 weight watchers points for dinner. Uhhhh yeah. Can we say that I blew not only my daily points, but my weekly 35 (ohh wait...I have 1.5 left for the week). I tracked everything...does that count as a positive????
Let me tell you....my body SCREAMED at me for the food that I ate last night too. It was a lot of high fat choices....and shortly after dinner my belly was letting me know that it did NOT like my choices!
SO I thought....no problem. I can handle this. I can eat really straight and finish my week with 1.5 left of those weekly points. I worried a bit about Tuesday as it is our anniversary and we are going to a fav locally owned restaurant...but I thought, "I can do this". So let me recap my day. I woke up and ate a nice light breakfast (a light english muffin with promise free butter....1 point total). We decided to skip church (we are heathens I know...and on Easter SUnday....but we ARE making headway in actually finding a church that we can both be happy attending.......lots of church visits happening) and instead we threw the bikes on top of the car and ran down to Charlestown and went to the Home Depot and then hopped on the canal across from Harpers Ferry and rode our bikes. The only problem....when we left Home Depot it was lunch time...so we ended up going into Panera Bread. I thought I chose wisely.....1/2 Sierra Turkey Sandwich and a half classic salad with an apple as my side. I drank water (out of my ever present water jug). Turns out lunch was 14 points (I was full and didn't eat the apple). So anyway, we were fueled and ready to ride. We had a delightful ride on our bikes. Just an hour.....netted me some activity points. We came back and I got ready to head out to the yard. I was hungry...I grabbed a serving of fat free chips....and then because I was still wanting more chips..I switched to a more nutritious granola style bar. (can we say a total of 4 more points). Out we went. More yard work...I finished moving the hellacious pile of top soil that we found hidden under brush that we just cleared out (actually it looks like it was 4 loads of top soil), I mowed, I rakes up the clippings. I cleared brush. I moved logs. I worked my tail end off. (thank goodness for activity points.) FInally I came inside and made some potato salad for dinner....and fiddled around in the kitchen and put the laundry away (I ran through three loads of laundry today and lined dried them all). Daily points for today...including dinner.....37! Arrgghh I only get 28 a day. At least that is my DAY total and not one meal (heck, last nights meal was more than my whole day today!) I'm workign on my Activity points now.
Soooooo I"m working hard and I'm trying to tell myself not to freak out about actually eating more food.....but I can't help but panic about what I'm eating!!!!!
Let me tell you....my body SCREAMED at me for the food that I ate last night too. It was a lot of high fat choices....and shortly after dinner my belly was letting me know that it did NOT like my choices!
SO I thought....no problem. I can handle this. I can eat really straight and finish my week with 1.5 left of those weekly points. I worried a bit about Tuesday as it is our anniversary and we are going to a fav locally owned restaurant...but I thought, "I can do this". So let me recap my day. I woke up and ate a nice light breakfast (a light english muffin with promise free butter....1 point total). We decided to skip church (we are heathens I know...and on Easter SUnday....but we ARE making headway in actually finding a church that we can both be happy attending.......lots of church visits happening) and instead we threw the bikes on top of the car and ran down to Charlestown and went to the Home Depot and then hopped on the canal across from Harpers Ferry and rode our bikes. The only problem....when we left Home Depot it was lunch time...so we ended up going into Panera Bread. I thought I chose wisely.....1/2 Sierra Turkey Sandwich and a half classic salad with an apple as my side. I drank water (out of my ever present water jug). Turns out lunch was 14 points (I was full and didn't eat the apple). So anyway, we were fueled and ready to ride. We had a delightful ride on our bikes. Just an hour.....netted me some activity points. We came back and I got ready to head out to the yard. I was hungry...I grabbed a serving of fat free chips....and then because I was still wanting more chips..I switched to a more nutritious granola style bar. (can we say a total of 4 more points). Out we went. More yard work...I finished moving the hellacious pile of top soil that we found hidden under brush that we just cleared out (actually it looks like it was 4 loads of top soil), I mowed, I rakes up the clippings. I cleared brush. I moved logs. I worked my tail end off. (thank goodness for activity points.) FInally I came inside and made some potato salad for dinner....and fiddled around in the kitchen and put the laundry away (I ran through three loads of laundry today and lined dried them all). Daily points for today...including dinner.....37! Arrgghh I only get 28 a day. At least that is my DAY total and not one meal (heck, last nights meal was more than my whole day today!) I'm workign on my Activity points now.
Soooooo I"m working hard and I'm trying to tell myself not to freak out about actually eating more food.....but I can't help but panic about what I'm eating!!!!!
Saturday, April 03, 2010
Happy or sad...that is the question
Should I be happy or sad? I'm conflicted. Why am I conflicted???? Well, I think I alluded to the fact that at midweek my weight was showing down by about 3 pounds. I was tickled. I stayed within my points for the latter part of the week, however addmittedly with a few extra carbs. So I stepped onto the scales this morning at my meeting. 1.6 pounds down. YAY!!!! 1.6 pounds!!!! 1.6 pounds is a really healthy weight loss for a week!!! But wait just a cotton pickin' minute. 1.6 pounds is NOT 3 pounds! What the heckeroo???? Give me my 3 stinkin' pounds!!!!! I earned 38 freakin' activity points this past week!!!! I was an activity producing demon! My scales were showing 3 pounds!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAA But like I said, I'm conflicted....even as I typed my waaaaa, I was going....YAY 1.6 pounds!
So I'm going to take the YAY and just be happy with my loss!
Resisting the bake sale again while I'm here at work!
So I'm going to take the YAY and just be happy with my loss!
Resisting the bake sale again while I'm here at work!
Friday, April 02, 2010
Lack of understanding
Each year during Good Friday and the Saturday before Easter the Ladies Axillary sets up a baked good both in the town square here in Sharpsburg (the boy scouts sell flowers and the girl Scout's peddle their cookies too). I work in the bank....that sits on the town square. So all day long as I sit at my teller window, I'm looking out over the bake sale. I decided that I would not indulge in the bake sale this year. (In past years I've been able to resist the temptation of purchasing...but I will admit to sampling the goods that my co-workers bring back from their forays out to the tables). I was good today. I resisted. My co-workers talked about what they had for sell. I saw more ladies bring baked goods as the day progressed. We discussed it at work. I smelled the yummy sweetness as my co-workers devoured their purchases. I eyeballed the cakes that my co-workers purchased to take home to their families. I held firm.
There is no food that tastes as good as thin feels.
So why am I talking about this. No, I don't want a pat on the back (although I am proud of myself). Tyler, a co-worker offered to buy me something when he headed out. "just a cupcake or something." I resisted. Then he came in and he wanted to offer me some of his white chocolate covered pretzel stuff (Bark). I refused. Then it was peanut butter fudge. He kept hounding me to eat some. "JUST a tiny little piece" I kept refusing. He kept pushing telling me that just one tiny little piece wouldn't hurt me. Finally I was fed up and said, "TYLER, I'm addicted to food....I can't just have one little bite.....I know me, I would be inclined to run out to that table, buy more and eat more!" (as a side note I would be looking for that 'high' that rush that I get from tasting something so scrumptious....intrinsically I know that the first bite high is just that...only a first bite....but my addicted mind doesn't accept that knowledge as fact). My co-worker had a look on his face. He had no clue what I was talking about and started making comments about "It's just food.....food is everywhere." I looked at him and said "exactly...I face my addiction over and over and over every day."
I went on and asked him a question. I said, "Tyler, if I told you I was addicted to cigarettes or drugs, or alcohol would you be sitting here trying to push those vices upon me? That is what you are doing with food" He tried to tell me it was a totally different situation.....I answered and said, "yes, it is different, if I were addicted to one of those other things I could remove myself from temptations, remove the vice from my life so to speak. But with food I HAVE to continue to eat, but I have to do so in a way that my addiction doesn't flare out of control. He never said he understood, but I noticed he didn't try to push anymore.
Food addiction is not something that people understand. People don't understand that it's something that has to be guarded against. It's an addiction....no a disease.....that is mis-understood! The sad part about it...until the people around us REALLY accept that it's an addiction and truly understand it, they do not have the tools to help us overcome. They think they are being nice by offering food.........
There is no food that tastes as good as thin feels.
So why am I talking about this. No, I don't want a pat on the back (although I am proud of myself). Tyler, a co-worker offered to buy me something when he headed out. "just a cupcake or something." I resisted. Then he came in and he wanted to offer me some of his white chocolate covered pretzel stuff (Bark). I refused. Then it was peanut butter fudge. He kept hounding me to eat some. "JUST a tiny little piece" I kept refusing. He kept pushing telling me that just one tiny little piece wouldn't hurt me. Finally I was fed up and said, "TYLER, I'm addicted to food....I can't just have one little bite.....I know me, I would be inclined to run out to that table, buy more and eat more!" (as a side note I would be looking for that 'high' that rush that I get from tasting something so scrumptious....intrinsically I know that the first bite high is just that...only a first bite....but my addicted mind doesn't accept that knowledge as fact). My co-worker had a look on his face. He had no clue what I was talking about and started making comments about "It's just food.....food is everywhere." I looked at him and said "exactly...I face my addiction over and over and over every day."
I went on and asked him a question. I said, "Tyler, if I told you I was addicted to cigarettes or drugs, or alcohol would you be sitting here trying to push those vices upon me? That is what you are doing with food" He tried to tell me it was a totally different situation.....I answered and said, "yes, it is different, if I were addicted to one of those other things I could remove myself from temptations, remove the vice from my life so to speak. But with food I HAVE to continue to eat, but I have to do so in a way that my addiction doesn't flare out of control. He never said he understood, but I noticed he didn't try to push anymore.
Food addiction is not something that people understand. People don't understand that it's something that has to be guarded against. It's an addiction....no a disease.....that is mis-understood! The sad part about it...until the people around us REALLY accept that it's an addiction and truly understand it, they do not have the tools to help us overcome. They think they are being nice by offering food.........
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Well well well....I worked outside for a few hours yesterday and boy is my upper body sore!!!!
My eating has been on target this week. My weight was a bit up this morning...not sure why but I have my suspicions (it seems as if when I drink a diet soda in the evening that my weight pops up the next morning...I know that there is sodium in diet soda....so I'm thinking that's the culprit). But no worries...I'm still trucking along. I woke up early this morning and made an egg and cheese sandwich and then I went for a nice walk on the canal. I brought my shoes to walk on my lunch break and weeee my plan is to get home tonight and ride the exercise bike for at LEAST an hour. I also plan on doing a new video that I picked up....strength training stuff. We'll have to see how that goes. My original plan was to head to the gym tonight...but I realized that I have no clean jeans....and tomorrow is jeans day here at work...Oh yeah, I'm washing them tonight!!! So laundry tonight. Not a big deal....I can exercise at home!
The fear of being thin. I've been thinking a lot about this fear a lot lately. I lost a lot of my weight on the motivation that when I was thin, things would miraculously be rosy. Yeah, I also wanted to do it for my health. But a lot was to fix the woes in my life. So when I got to my goal weight and the problems were still there, I became disillusioned. Sadly this caused me to stop caring....and I regained weight. Now i'm not saying that this is all of it....I've tried to lose the weight in the ensuing months...but overall, I wasn't really into it because I didn't want to face the truth. And that truth? That the bad things that happen in my life are not all directly related to my obesity. I've been taking steps to look at the negatives in my life and to really work on the issues at hand versus losing weight as an solution. It has caused a lot of stress, but in doing it I'm slowly coming out ahead and I think I'm finally looking at weight loss in a healthy (sorry for the pun) light. I want to lose weight first and foremost for my health (that has always been a given...and it hasn't changed). But i want to lose weight because I remember how wonderful I felt in my own skin. I liked how my energy level was just super high. I liked the self confidence that I felt. I'm losing weight to return to those feelings! ALL for me!!! No-one else.
My eating has been on target this week. My weight was a bit up this morning...not sure why but I have my suspicions (it seems as if when I drink a diet soda in the evening that my weight pops up the next morning...I know that there is sodium in diet soda....so I'm thinking that's the culprit). But no worries...I'm still trucking along. I woke up early this morning and made an egg and cheese sandwich and then I went for a nice walk on the canal. I brought my shoes to walk on my lunch break and weeee my plan is to get home tonight and ride the exercise bike for at LEAST an hour. I also plan on doing a new video that I picked up....strength training stuff. We'll have to see how that goes. My original plan was to head to the gym tonight...but I realized that I have no clean jeans....and tomorrow is jeans day here at work...Oh yeah, I'm washing them tonight!!! So laundry tonight. Not a big deal....I can exercise at home!
The fear of being thin. I've been thinking a lot about this fear a lot lately. I lost a lot of my weight on the motivation that when I was thin, things would miraculously be rosy. Yeah, I also wanted to do it for my health. But a lot was to fix the woes in my life. So when I got to my goal weight and the problems were still there, I became disillusioned. Sadly this caused me to stop caring....and I regained weight. Now i'm not saying that this is all of it....I've tried to lose the weight in the ensuing months...but overall, I wasn't really into it because I didn't want to face the truth. And that truth? That the bad things that happen in my life are not all directly related to my obesity. I've been taking steps to look at the negatives in my life and to really work on the issues at hand versus losing weight as an solution. It has caused a lot of stress, but in doing it I'm slowly coming out ahead and I think I'm finally looking at weight loss in a healthy (sorry for the pun) light. I want to lose weight first and foremost for my health (that has always been a given...and it hasn't changed). But i want to lose weight because I remember how wonderful I felt in my own skin. I liked how my energy level was just super high. I liked the self confidence that I felt. I'm losing weight to return to those feelings! ALL for me!!! No-one else.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Proof of my visit
I've been typing that I'm back on track, but I thought I would give some visual proof of my many visits to the gym this week. I'm workin' it!
I hadn't stepped onto the scales in a couple days. I have to say..YIPPEE SKIPPEEE, if I hold it together for the next 3 days, I will show a NICE loss. As of right night it's a nice loss......I just get excited thinking about what it could be with 3 more days of exercise and proper eating! Giddy even.
The stress keeps coming....in addition to all the stress that I've been under in recent weeks and months, something else was just dumped onto me. Ok, maybe this new thing isn't stress......but it's something that has my blood so boiling mad that I can barely see straight. Work problems if you must know. Lets just say that I've been generally looking for a new job......I just kicked up the energy level on my job hunt!
But, I'm gonna keep telling myself.......there is only one thing that I have total control of in all of this....and that's my eating and exercise. I am the only one that is in charge of what food I shovel into my mouth. I am the one that is ultimately in charge of how much I exercise (yeah, there are days where life gets in the way...but ultimately I chose to let it get in the way or not).
Monday, March 29, 2010
Not to much to say this overcast Monday morning. I have got to reign in my weekend eating. I've always had my weight watcher weigh in right after my weekend.....which has kept me in line. But now I'm weighing in at the beginning of my weekend and I can see a trend....overeat the weekend and then try to pull it together throughout the week. I think it's good to have one 'free' meal....but not a weekend of them!
I woke up this morning and while breakfast was in the oven I hopped on the exercise bike and rode. I got 30 minutes in this morning and hope to get more in tonight!! And I've already informed Todd that I'll be gyming it tomorrow morning. He has declined to join me...but no matter....I'll be there!
I woke up this morning and while breakfast was in the oven I hopped on the exercise bike and rode. I got 30 minutes in this morning and hope to get more in tonight!! And I've already informed Todd that I'll be gyming it tomorrow morning. He has declined to join me...but no matter....I'll be there!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
A pain in the arse
Last night I went to bed and I got into bed and I had a pain hit me. I tried to move so that it didn't hurt but every movement sent shooting pains through me. Where was this pain you ask?????? It was in my left butt cheek and down through my upper leg. HEavens...I've never had a butt ache before! That was in addition to the stomach muscle pains from my ab work, The shoulder pain, the arm pains....the tight calves from the long time on the elliptical.....shall I continue??? But anyway...the butt pain is really a first. I woke up and the butt pain had subsided, thank heavens.
So thusly I decided that today would be a day of rest from exercise for me! I did move furniture around the house and clean....if that counts. Ok ok ok, it didn't take all that long. :-)
The good news? My muscles feel much better tonight.
So my 'do something for myself' today. I haven't really done much of anything for me. I will be honest. I didn't ignore myself, but I didn't do anything identifiable for myself (unless NOT goign to the gym counts. hardy harr harr harr)
So thusly I decided that today would be a day of rest from exercise for me! I did move furniture around the house and clean....if that counts. Ok ok ok, it didn't take all that long. :-)
The good news? My muscles feel much better tonight.
So my 'do something for myself' today. I haven't really done much of anything for me. I will be honest. I didn't ignore myself, but I didn't do anything identifiable for myself (unless NOT goign to the gym counts. hardy harr harr harr)
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Saturday shenanigans
Whew...what a busy day. And before I even begin, I did lots for myself today!
It started with taking care of myself in terms of waking up early enough to head to my weight watcher meeting. I had three clocks set! (myold alarm clock, a substitute and my phone). I woke up and headed out to my Weight Watcher meeting, out the door by 6:15AM. I lost 1.8 pounds. I'll take it. It's a loss. But it just burns me up. I gained more than that last week...so I'm still behind!!! But hey, it's a loss!!
I left my meeting and went down to the City Market and saw my mom while she sat at her booth. After visiting with her I headed to the gym. (the second thing for me!) I did 1 hour of cardio and then 30 minutes of weights. My mantra of "exercise does not hurt as bad as being fat hurts" really worked. I kept saying that to myself when I wanted to stop!
I left the gym and hit up two stores and then treated myself to lunch. This would be the third thing for myself as I'm usually too cheap to go out on my own (I'd rather save my money to go out to eat with loved ones) But I treated myself today. After lunch, I headed to more stores...and finally got home at about 4PM. I got my groceries put away...and had a few minutes to spare before making dinner. TOnight I made todd's favorite dish...Cajun Seafood Pasta. I had buttered noodles and veggies. For dessert I made Caramalized bananas......I watched the food network while I was on the elliptical today...and this was a recipe that sounded really good to me. So I made it. It was very good!
After dinner I grabbed my camera and headed out the door. Just a short drive through the battlefield, but if felt good!
Of course the lights in the house were turned off at 8:30 for Earth Hour. :-)
Now I'm just relaxing......
Soooooo is it bad that I watched the Food Network while working out....and actually made a recipe that I gathered while working out???????
It started with taking care of myself in terms of waking up early enough to head to my weight watcher meeting. I had three clocks set! (myold alarm clock, a substitute and my phone). I woke up and headed out to my Weight Watcher meeting, out the door by 6:15AM. I lost 1.8 pounds. I'll take it. It's a loss. But it just burns me up. I gained more than that last week...so I'm still behind!!! But hey, it's a loss!!
I left my meeting and went down to the City Market and saw my mom while she sat at her booth. After visiting with her I headed to the gym. (the second thing for me!) I did 1 hour of cardio and then 30 minutes of weights. My mantra of "exercise does not hurt as bad as being fat hurts" really worked. I kept saying that to myself when I wanted to stop!
I left the gym and hit up two stores and then treated myself to lunch. This would be the third thing for myself as I'm usually too cheap to go out on my own (I'd rather save my money to go out to eat with loved ones) But I treated myself today. After lunch, I headed to more stores...and finally got home at about 4PM. I got my groceries put away...and had a few minutes to spare before making dinner. TOnight I made todd's favorite dish...Cajun Seafood Pasta. I had buttered noodles and veggies. For dessert I made Caramalized bananas......I watched the food network while I was on the elliptical today...and this was a recipe that sounded really good to me. So I made it. It was very good!
After dinner I grabbed my camera and headed out the door. Just a short drive through the battlefield, but if felt good!
Of course the lights in the house were turned off at 8:30 for Earth Hour. :-)
Now I'm just relaxing......
Soooooo is it bad that I watched the Food Network while working out....and actually made a recipe that I gathered while working out???????
Friday, March 26, 2010
Quick thought
I wrote the other day about the girl on TBL that said that Nothing on the table (food) tastes as good as thin feels. She was so absolutely correct! Thin is a feeling of liberation. A feeling of self confidence an happiness with ones self. But I was just responding to an email with a friend (Hi Donna!) and I was mentioned exercise. And I got to thinking that while no food tastes as good as thin feels. Well there is a corrallary. While No food tastes as good as thin feels, No exercise hurts worse than fat feels! Yeah, I dread going to the gym or working out becuase it's BORING...or it may hurt momentarily. But being fat hurts. It hurts me emotionally, medically AND physically! Exercise is NOTHING compared to what the fat does! The exercise pain is merely momentary.
Well, maybe not exactly momentary. I worked my abs yesterday morning.......oh heavens...it hurts to sneeze. It hurts to laugh. It hurts to move. But you know what...it's a good pain because it means that MF is back!
Well, maybe not exactly momentary. I worked my abs yesterday morning.......oh heavens...it hurts to sneeze. It hurts to laugh. It hurts to move. But you know what...it's a good pain because it means that MF is back!
Cast your vote!
My plans to 'do something for myself' fell through this morning. But I'm not giving up! I will fit something special for me in!
How did the said plans fall through? I was planning on waking up early and exercising before coming to work at 7:30. Yes, ambitious! My alarm is seriously going crazy though!
*A few weeks ago I set it and turned it on and I woke up late....it didn't go off...it was actually even TURNED off. Go figure, but I thought it was me....
*Woke up yesterday just fine at 6AM. Last night I went to turn it on and the alarm was now set for 8AM. WHAT?
*Spent the time to reset the alarm and turn it on......once again it didn't work!
So, either my alarm clock is going crazy or I am. Still time to cast your vote...the jury is still out on the results of which is crazy! haa haa haa
My weight hasn't dropped at any fast pace today. I'm actually not sure I'm going to show a loss. I'm on the right path though, so no matter what it says tomorrow...I'm focused!
The sun is shining...but the temperature has dropped drastically in the last few hours. It's COLD. So I'm not going to be going for a bike ride this afternoon....maybe I can talk Todd into a visit to the gym! (which would count as doing something for ME!)
I was thinking about exercise and I started to think about some of the videos that I used to do (yes, I still have them) and I actually started to feel nostalgic over them. I guess that's my hint that it's time to pull them out. (I'm sure that fond feeling of nostalgia will dissipate quickly at that point...haa haa haa)
How did the said plans fall through? I was planning on waking up early and exercising before coming to work at 7:30. Yes, ambitious! My alarm is seriously going crazy though!
*A few weeks ago I set it and turned it on and I woke up late....it didn't go off...it was actually even TURNED off. Go figure, but I thought it was me....
*Woke up yesterday just fine at 6AM. Last night I went to turn it on and the alarm was now set for 8AM. WHAT?
*Spent the time to reset the alarm and turn it on......once again it didn't work!
So, either my alarm clock is going crazy or I am. Still time to cast your vote...the jury is still out on the results of which is crazy! haa haa haa
My weight hasn't dropped at any fast pace today. I'm actually not sure I'm going to show a loss. I'm on the right path though, so no matter what it says tomorrow...I'm focused!
The sun is shining...but the temperature has dropped drastically in the last few hours. It's COLD. So I'm not going to be going for a bike ride this afternoon....maybe I can talk Todd into a visit to the gym! (which would count as doing something for ME!)
I was thinking about exercise and I started to think about some of the videos that I used to do (yes, I still have them) and I actually started to feel nostalgic over them. I guess that's my hint that it's time to pull them out. (I'm sure that fond feeling of nostalgia will dissipate quickly at that point...haa haa haa)
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Something for me
Yesterday I did something for me. I brought my change of clothes and a sandwich to work and at the end of my day I changed and I headed straight to the gym for a workout. For me. I had some 'dark forces' try to pull me away...nothing serious, but just a few things that could have derailed me from my plans. But I stuck to my guns and went.
To carry on the goodwill toward myself, I woke up at 6AM this morning and by 7AM I was in the gym working out again!
Welcome to the new me. In the few months (OK, maybe year), I've stopped doing little things for myself. Standing up for myself and doing something that's good for me. I think a lot has to do with the status of the current funk that I was in and the reasons behind the funk. I have allowed this negative energy and these negative feelings to change the focus off of what is important. What is important? Me. Now this is not saying that I'm going to chuck all responsibilities overboard. There are still other really important things in my life. But taking care of me has got to be a priority. Getting my weight back off is for ME this time. Not for any other reason. ME ME ME! By making me healthier physically I'll feel better mentally...and that will convey into all other aspects of my life.
In essence, I stopped caring about myself. I think that my funk and the reasons behind it are a big factor behind my lack of caring (and quite honestly part of the reason I've gained back some of the weight)....but I'll be open and honest enough to admit that the more weight I've gained, the less I've cared about myself. It really is a vicious cycle.
Soooo, my plan is to try to do one thing...big or small for myself every day. It could be an action such as going to the gym (with or without anyone....although by myself is really standing up for me) It could be something as simple as applying fresh polish to my nails (toes or fingers). Small steps to help me care more about me...to restore my love of myself.
SOOOOOOOOOOO....my challenge is to do something everyday for myself...and I plan to post it here! I may not post it everyday. I may only do it for a week....it may go on for a year. I'm not setting myself up for failure. I just know in my heart that I have to take care of numero uno.
Take care of myself action for Wednesday- Trip to the gym.....didn't want to...and Todd requested something (something not really important) that would have made it easy to ditch my plans....I didn't.
Take care of myself action for Thursday- Trip to the gym.....woke up before the sun and hit the gym!
To carry on the goodwill toward myself, I woke up at 6AM this morning and by 7AM I was in the gym working out again!
Welcome to the new me. In the few months (OK, maybe year), I've stopped doing little things for myself. Standing up for myself and doing something that's good for me. I think a lot has to do with the status of the current funk that I was in and the reasons behind the funk. I have allowed this negative energy and these negative feelings to change the focus off of what is important. What is important? Me. Now this is not saying that I'm going to chuck all responsibilities overboard. There are still other really important things in my life. But taking care of me has got to be a priority. Getting my weight back off is for ME this time. Not for any other reason. ME ME ME! By making me healthier physically I'll feel better mentally...and that will convey into all other aspects of my life.
In essence, I stopped caring about myself. I think that my funk and the reasons behind it are a big factor behind my lack of caring (and quite honestly part of the reason I've gained back some of the weight)....but I'll be open and honest enough to admit that the more weight I've gained, the less I've cared about myself. It really is a vicious cycle.
Soooo, my plan is to try to do one thing...big or small for myself every day. It could be an action such as going to the gym (with or without anyone....although by myself is really standing up for me) It could be something as simple as applying fresh polish to my nails (toes or fingers). Small steps to help me care more about me...to restore my love of myself.
SOOOOOOOOOOO....my challenge is to do something everyday for myself...and I plan to post it here! I may not post it everyday. I may only do it for a week....it may go on for a year. I'm not setting myself up for failure. I just know in my heart that I have to take care of numero uno.
Take care of myself action for Wednesday- Trip to the gym.....didn't want to...and Todd requested something (something not really important) that would have made it easy to ditch my plans....I didn't.
Take care of myself action for Thursday- Trip to the gym.....woke up before the sun and hit the gym!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The taste of health
I brought my workout clothes with me to work today AND a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to eat for a quick meal for dinner. My plan is to change here at work and go straight to the gym. I know that if I stop at the house to change my clothes I will NOT leave again. So my plan is to change here, eat my sandwich here and go directly to the gym, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. I have a few other stops that are right there at the gym, so I should have no excuse!
Last night on the Biggest Loser there was a comment by one of the contestants. They were at a restaurant and she was talking about how her friends had ordered all of the foods that she loved but she was going to eat healthy come hell or high water. Her comment that really struck me was, Nothing on this table tastes better than how I feel. She went on to to say that eating healthy had brought about so much energy and life to her that she had no problem making the healthy choices! How utterly true!!! I feel so good when I'm living healthy and when my weight is down! I feel good emotionally and physically!!! And she is right...there is no greater 'taste' than the feeling of health!
Last night on the Biggest Loser there was a comment by one of the contestants. They were at a restaurant and she was talking about how her friends had ordered all of the foods that she loved but she was going to eat healthy come hell or high water. Her comment that really struck me was, Nothing on this table tastes better than how I feel. She went on to to say that eating healthy had brought about so much energy and life to her that she had no problem making the healthy choices! How utterly true!!! I feel so good when I'm living healthy and when my weight is down! I feel good emotionally and physically!!! And she is right...there is no greater 'taste' than the feeling of health!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
The great mystery
Motivation. How can a person want something so much but just lack the motivation? I want to lose this weight so badly. Yet when it comes down to actually getting off my butt, I lack motivation. Back up...yet when it comes to making healthier choices I lack motivation. Oh heck, my motivation is simply in the toilet. Yet I want to lose soooo darn badly. It just makes no sense.
I went back to weight watcher meetings 4 weeks ago. Week one, I gained four-tenths of a pound. Week two, I gained 8 tenths of a pound. Week three I blew it all away and gained two pounds and two ounces! I'm paying stinkin' money to GAIN WEIGHT! Now...the first two weeks I was religious with my eating. I ate healthy. I restarted the exercise regime...and I went to a meeting and showed a gain....both weeks. Week three...well.....lets just say that I didn't go hog wild, but I didn't even track! It was a super stressful week! This week I'm doing a bit better. I'm not strictly regimented, but I am very cognizant of what I'm eating...and YES, I am tracking!
I have less than one month before Girls With Gears...in which I am registered to ride. I've been on my bike 2 times this year. The first time was hideously horrid. Notice it was hideously horrid...not just hideous and not just horrid! My second ride was much better...but I was on the canal and that is relatively flat....so it was an easier ride!
Stress levels are still super high. Something that a friend wrote today just hit me...and here it is: I think we all have issues we wrestle with. It's just whether or not we let those issues impact our diet and exercise.
I went back to weight watcher meetings 4 weeks ago. Week one, I gained four-tenths of a pound. Week two, I gained 8 tenths of a pound. Week three I blew it all away and gained two pounds and two ounces! I'm paying stinkin' money to GAIN WEIGHT! Now...the first two weeks I was religious with my eating. I ate healthy. I restarted the exercise regime...and I went to a meeting and showed a gain....both weeks. Week three...well.....lets just say that I didn't go hog wild, but I didn't even track! It was a super stressful week! This week I'm doing a bit better. I'm not strictly regimented, but I am very cognizant of what I'm eating...and YES, I am tracking!
I have less than one month before Girls With Gears...in which I am registered to ride. I've been on my bike 2 times this year. The first time was hideously horrid. Notice it was hideously horrid...not just hideous and not just horrid! My second ride was much better...but I was on the canal and that is relatively flat....so it was an easier ride!
Stress levels are still super high. Something that a friend wrote today just hit me...and here it is: I think we all have issues we wrestle with. It's just whether or not we let those issues impact our diet and exercise.
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