Yesterday was a pretty good day. I drank my water....and I stayed within my points....well almost. Right as I was heading for bed I grabbed a handful of chex mix. NOOOO I have no clue what possessed me to make it (I did that on Thursday). One handful and I went to bed. So that handful was 1-2 points. Which made me 1-2 points over for the day. Not bad....I was aiming for perfect...but I'll settle for pretty darn close.

The scales this morning........ (yesterday was actually 202.2...not 202.6 as I reported.....) 200.6!!!!! Wooo hoooo!! I know a lot of that was water...but i'll take it! I want to be back in onederland soooo badly!

Visualize

When I was losing lots of my weight I had little 'scenarios' that i would play out in my head. Scenes where I would be my thin svelte new self. OK, maybe not svelte...but definitely thinner than when I started. The scenarios changed...but they were all the basic same and centered around one or two concepts. I played them over and over again in my mind. They were what my mind focused on when I was resisting the temptation to eat and binge. I hit rewind and watched them over and over again in my mind during the hours in the gym or on the bike, or in front of the TV while I worked along with an exercise video. They kept me going.

Late last week it came to me that those scenarios actually were played out in real life this past summer. I was happy with the real life results...but I lost my visualizing technique. I mean, it doesn't spur you onward to resist temptation or to exercise harder to visualize yourself in a situation once it has already played out! I mean, it may work once or twice, but after that....well it just doesn't cut it.

Soooo...I have my new visualizing scenario to think about. Next year will be my 20 year high school reunion. Yep, I graduated from high school in 1990. AND since I took a year off between high school and college (it was a great year of being a bum....OK, I wasn't a total bum, I worked as a nanny) I graduated from college in 1995...which puts next year at my 15 year for college. Well...I haven't seen any of my friends from high school since graduation. I talk to some via email...but the last time they saw me I was a size 20.....pushing 22. Hmmmmm. Isn't it also ironic that I've set a reward of a trip to the place of my choice for my big goal...the biggie...the "I'm the lowest I want to be...I've reached it....in my head that's 150...but the doctor said that 160 would probably be my lowest...so whichever). I was thinking about the Caribbean...but then I switched it to a week at Disney World, because I hadn't been there since we lived in FL.....19 years ago. Sooooo wow, I can combine my reward trip with a reunion....and I can visualize seeing people from high school looking hot and svelte! (or as near as I can get with this body that I abused for so long). (the college reunion will be in Indiana...so if I go to that it will be a visit with my brother and his family).


Meanwhile.......I got brave and stepped onto the scales this morning. I was quite nervous. I mean, I ate horribly over the weekend! The last time I weighed I was already over the 200 pound mark (201.6) so I was just sure that it was going to be horrid! I gained one pound. I'm now 202.6. I'm disgusted by that....but yet elated that the damage was not worse. To be honest, I was thinking that I was going to see 208 or 210.

So far so good today. I have resisted ordering subs with my co-workers. One gal brought in some kind of apple turnover/tart thingy. They look scrumptious! I have resisted! I'm visualizing!

Helpless

I feel helpless. Helpless to stop this eating cycle. Helpless to stop the weight from coming back on to my body. Just plain helpless.

Intrinsically I know that it is not helpless. I've done this. I've been through the wonderful months and years of losing. I know what needs to be done. I know how to do it! But it's like my brain knowing and my body doing are two different things. Sitting at the dinner table last night, I finished up my dinner and I was already thinking...."woah, I've had a little too much to eat today....this is the end. Nothing more tonight." But even as I was thinking that, different words poured out of my mouth. The words that I actually emitted? "Dessert?" And I proceeded to concoct a little dessert for Todd and I. 5 extra points on top of a less than stellar eating day. It's like there are two different people warring for control within in me.

I've had the months (actually years) of eating healthy and feeling on top of the world....king of the mountain...like nothing could knock me from where I stood. I was strong and I was going to beat this fat at it's own game. And I was doing a fair job of it.

But now...years into this healthy lifestyle and I've hit some kind of wall. The ends are not matching. I want so badly to finish this journey and reach my ultimate goal. (not the goal that I first set for myself......I already reached that...but the 'real' weight goal that the BMI index sets for us). Yet I feel helpless.

I'm not giving up. I just feel helpless. But, even helpless...I've got my plan for the day set up and I'll do my best to adhere to that plan (staying within my allotment of points). In my mind I'm determined to maintain that plan and hold strong. Maybe today will be the day that I'm not helpless to beat that 'naughty eating' side of me!

Reporting in!

Got home from work yesterday and todd's first words (ok, maybe not his first words) were 'Lets go to the gym." Now I just felt blah and lackluster. But i went. Afterall...it's a good thing. Ohhh my...it was NOT a good workout. I couldn't get myself moving. I felt like I was dragging. It was not good. But I pushed through 60 minutes of exercise.

This morning I awoke and saw about an inch of fresh snow. I made todd's coffee and made us a healthy breakfast and off we went. We walked on the battlefield for about an hour and fifteen minutes. Nice activity....especially since I was planning today off from formal exercise!

Why am I taking a day off? Well, at first I thought that the pain in my arm was due to my expending and using muscles harder than I usually do. But I'm starting to wonder now. The other arm is no longer sore while my left arm seems to be getting worse! It's up near my shoulder....it aches just sitting here at my desk at work, not to mention moving it! It hurts if I lay on my left side, with that arm under me. So I'm thinking this is not a sore muscle thing. But, without health insurance...well I'll be praying for it to heal!

Bad foods in the house???? Gone! They have been thrown away, dumped down the drain and eradicated!

Now it's just back to healthy eating and trying to get myself back on track and losing!

Nope, I haven't been brave enough to face the scales!

Being totally open and honest here.....

Saturday...I spent the day in the kitchen getting food ready for Sunday. We were having a work party (painting, cleaning, repairs, moving some stuff...etc etc tec) on Sunday at the studio (friends, interns and people that have bartered their manual labor for studio time)....I was feeding this army of workers.....I cooked and baked all day on Saturday.....testing and tasting each creation. I was literally sick by the end of the Saturday.

Sunday rolls around. Yes, I worked hard all day.....I ate not 'too bad' at the work party. If you don't count the cookies and chips...AND the regular soda that I was downing!!!! Of course then the work party ended, I went home, cleaned up and we segued into the superbowl festivities! More food! I did at least switch to diet soda at that point.

I don't even want to know what I weigh right now! I'm gathering the reigns though and I'm determined to not let my weekend antics slide into a weeklong spiral out of control. I'm back in control today. I'm sitting here at work and I've already decided that the rest of the regular soda (non-diet) that is in the fridge is going down the drain. I also have a fair amount of macaroni salad left. I love macaroni salad.....Todd doesn't. (he has potato salad left over). Tonight for dinner macaroni salad will be my side dish........and the rest is going into the garbage. I don't need that temptation. Late last night Todd did have the foresight to crunch up the chips and throw them away...so they are gone. Now it's just the other stuff....and I vow that by the time I go to bed tonight....it will all be gone. (most will be gone shortly after I get home from work). I did pack a healthy lunch. Last night I had dished up some of that macaroni salad into a small container for lunch. When I was actually packing my lunch, I left that container in the fridge....and only brought the healthy fruits and veggies!

I can do this!

Why I eat and do what I do

You know....for months, years in fact, I've been trying to figure out what causes me to eat. Do I eat when triggered by stress? Do I eat when I'm bored? Do I eat when I'm sad? Do I eat when I'm happy? Am I eating because of some childhood trauma or emotional upset? WHY WHY WHY???? I can never pin point any one indicator. Sometimes when I'm bored I eat. When I'm stressed and worried about something I will overeat, not because I'm eating to take away the stress....I overeat because I forget that I'm eating. I lose track of my eating. I'm mindlessly eating. Happy or sad really has no bearing on my eating. Yeah, I like to bake because it's a relaxing soothing happy thing for me to do...but that's the ACT of baking.....not the act of eating. My childhood is rather uneventful and quite happy. My memories from childhood are good ones. So I've pondered....and it always comes back to one thing. I like food. Plain and simple. Food tastes good!

Last night I realized something that I've been skirting with for quite a while. I've even written about it throughout this journal. I realized that there is no reason other than that I like food. Yesterday I tried a new crock pot dish. On paper it sounded delightful....in execution....well it was edible. Todd and I ate the meal, but I can guarantee you that this dish will never again grace our table. As I was eating my meal, my thoughts were rolling, and here they are; "maybe after Todd leaves I can have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I just love PB&J's", "Ice cream....I have some ice cream bars in the freezer....they sound so yummy". My mind roamed the kitchen cabinets while I was eating my lackluster dinner and pondered what delicious food I could eat later. And that is when I realized that even while I was eating (lackluster as it may be) I was disappointed because it didn't taste as yummy as I had dreamt it would be...and my mind was looking for something that was yummy.

Now on it's own this is not that much...but a few weeks ago I wrote an entry in which I described a meal where I sat down and had the opposite thing happen. The meal was really good.....I knew it from the first bite and by the second bite I was dreaming about eating a huge second helping....all because it was sooo delicious!

In the midst of these thoughts and discoveries a friend sent me a link to an article about overeating and how some people just have the tendency to see food and just want it. I concurred with it here and here. All of these revelations and self discoveries have been in the last few weeks. So I'm going to stop trying to figure out the why's and the what's? It is simply a love affair with food that I have. I want good food! When it's bad, I dream of good food...and when it's good, I want more! I'm not going to waste any more time in self pondering to decipher if I'm eating to drown out some unknown repressed traumatic memory, or if I'm eating because of this or that. It's not worth my time. I'm fine.....I just like food.

*********
Thought of the day.......How come the weight comes on so quickly (most recently 2 pounds in one day) but doesn't leave as rapidly (I'm losing about .2 pounds each day for the last two days). That makes no sense at all to me???? And no...on that 2 pound day I did NOT eat like a banshee!!! I was only 3 or 4 points over my daily allotment! (which should be OK as we have those flex points...although darn my body...I can't eat those flex points)

*********

In other news....last night I ended up with a migraine. I usually don't get migraines....but last night was my 'lucky' night. This morning I'm up and functioning....but my head just still isn't quite right. Hopefully it will be better before I go home.....day three of the 30 day shred awaits me!

****

Desi the cat continues to improve. :-)

A little exercise

I was all cocky yesterday. i was going to start Jillian Michael's 30 day shred program. I was cocky because, "ohh yeah, I exercise, this should be a piece of cake". I turned it on. Hmmm...level 1, level 2 and level 3. Well, I can probably do level 2 or 3...but I decided to start on level 1...and then move up. OHHH MYYYY WORD! Sore sore sore! Today was day two...and I can feel it! Ohhh boy can I feel it. Admittedly, I do very little strength training so it's kicking my butt! Of course it probably doesn't help that I do that workout and then couple it up with another dvd. Yesterday I also did Cardio Max. Today i coupled it with Cardio Kickboxing. YIKERS! I am going to try to ride the exercise bike when I get home tonight also. :-)

My eating is planned out for the day. AND I did leave a little extra pointage for a snack this evening (todd will be at the studio and I'll be home alone.....a bad thing indeed)

My husband is STILL laughing at the fact that I am a fan of the locally owned donut shop! He just doesn't understand it. Oh well....it makes me smile! :-)

My baby boy is injured.....yes, my cat is hurt. He somehow hurt his back leg/hip the other day. It's terrible to see....and very worrisome for the human mommy! He is slowly improving. Meanwhile the other cats keep parading in front of him. I"m not sure if they are in awe of the normal bully laid up...so they are viewing the oddity....or if they are trying to comfort him....or if they are rubbing it in that they can walk and run and he can't!

Donuts!

Last night I was lounging around playing on the laptop while my husband played a video game. I was nosing around on Facebook, looking for old friends. All of a sudden I saw something that made me super excited. On the left of my screen was the option to become a fan of Krumpe's Donuts! Ohhhh my word. Krumpe's is something that was always synonymous with Hagerstown while growing up. We would come back to visit family (when we no longer lived in the area) and we would have a short list of places to go to and things to do. One of them was Krumpe's Donuts! They are a little locally owned shop (located in an alley) in Hagerstown. They open up sometime in the later part of the evening (8 maybe) and they sell their donuts hot out of the fryers. (You can also get them at some local stores in the H-town area). There is nothing better than a not donut straight from the fryer.

I haven't had a krumpe donut in AGES! It would have to be probably more than 3 years. Definitely not since I got serious about losing weight!

As I exulted about the fact that I was a fan of krumpe's donuts my husband just looked over at me with a confused look on his face. He asked why I was so excited, we don't get them anymore....it's a thing of the past. And it made me start to think. Deep down, the past is still there. Ohhh I can say I'm a changed girl. But deep down, those old tendencies are still deeply embedded.

So am I still a fan of Krumpe's Donuts on facebook? Absolutely! (and if I can be a fan of some of the other locally owned food places that hold special memories for me, I'll join them also) Is it going to make me run out to get a donut? Absolutely NOT! I'm going to keep it there as a memory.....and honestly a testament to the 300+ pound girl that I used to be. (OK, and I like to support locally owned businesses.....)

*******
Yesterday I was able to stay away from mindless eating (binging) in the evening. Tonight will be the real test as my husband will be at the studio from about 6:30 until 11 or 12. I'll be home by myself......and ohhh it's so much easier to binge eat when no-one is there to catch you!

Enough is enough!

I haven't weighed myself in a couple days. I probably shouldn't have weighed myself today in the midst of the raging TOM...but I did. 200.6 That's about 2 pounds up from the other day...YIKES!



It is just a matter of getting my eating in line and STOPPING the mindless binging and eating! When my points are gone, I'm done...plain and simple!



Exercise, on the other hand is going splendidly!

A day slightly off track

Yesterday, I went with my parents to Johnstown, PA for the day. Dad was preaching (filling in for a preacher that was out of town) at a church there. (I would recommend this church to anyone...quite impressed! You want to know which one....just ask!) Anyway, I rode along with them. You see, we used to live in Johnstown about 25-30 years ago and while I've been back here and there throughout the years (the most recent time about 10 years ago), it was fun to go back. It was a day of reminiscing with my parents. We would drive by one place and that would spark a memory or a story or just laughter and love. Unfortunately, my husband was not able to go with use (he's been wanting to go to see it, as it has come up in our conversations over the years) but he was at the business (a recording studio) working on the water issues (he thinks he may have it fixed....he's running up to town to buy a part that SHOULD put an end to the water woes!). Anyway, I digress. I woke up well before dawn, got dressed and headed to my parents house. We hopped in their car and we were off. It is a two hour trip from my parents (and I live about a half hour from them). SOOOOO I was in the car pretty much all day as we drove there, drove all around town and drove home. (OK, I wasn't in the car during church or when we would stop somewhere).

Soooo I ate out all day........no real exercise......water consumption non-existent. But I still had a fun filled day! Well worth a momentary blip on the weight loss radar.

A few things hit me. When we moved from Johnstown I was about 12. I was still considered petite and dainty. It wasn't until the year following our move that i really started to pack on the pounds and 'balloon' up. Yet, as I remembered bits and pieces from my childhood I realized how many memories were tied to food. Not everything...but as I got older, the memories somehow became linked with a food, or an eating experience, or whatnot! While I had no problems with my weight at that point, I was starting to build and develop in the direction of someone that would eventually have a serious problem with a food addiction. On that same note, I also realized exactly how active I was as a child. I looked at hills that I ran up and down.....places I rode to on my bike, etc etc etc. The activity kept me from being an overweight child! (which makes sense...because when we moved to FL, that level of activity fell away and I packed on the pounds.)

The other thing that hit me rather hard. We stopped at the local hospital while in Johnstown to visit a friend of my parents. She had a stroke about a week ago. It has wiped clean her memories. Long term AND short term. Her husband said that she had struggled with some problems that are precursors to a stroke.....high blood pressure, diabetes, etc etc etc . BUT, she was on medications to control them....and the meds had seemed to be doing the trick. He also went on to say that the doctors were basically telling him it was a waiting game until another stroke hit her. Now, I don't know if you picked up on the precursors.......high blood pressure, diabetes, all weight related illnesses for the most part. (Yes, there are some people that have these issues without the weight...but many people have it because of weight, diet and lifestyle...and yes, she was overweight) I really got serious about this journey a few years ago because I saw my mother struggling to get those same issues under control and I knew that if I didn't change something, I would be the same way! I can't do anything for my mother. As much as I want to and as much as I worry about her, this is something that she has to do for herself. But I CAN change myself! So yesterday seeing it right there in my face really hit home! I can sit on the fence and not finish this change that I started or I can continue on. If I do not continue...where will it lead me.

I can tell you where it will lead.......not continuing will lead me to a hospital room like I visited yesterday. It will lead to my eventual death. A death that will come about sooner and with many more health issues if I don't take care of myself.

self loathing

Well, I'm torn between laughter and utter despair. I just can't seem to get it together. I do think that last night was a bit of stress eating. I'm stressed about some things right now. (One of the major issues....we are having a problem with water at the studio....as in it's not working. Uhhh this is NOT good.) But then I also had the issue of I had the idea of some foods in my head, and I just didn't relax until I had eaten those foods!

Let me explain. On the way home from work last night I was running through in my head what I could eat for dinner. I thought of a few things..they all sounded soooo good. But I eventually chose one! (but still lusted after the unpicked options). I ate, and settled down for the evening. My husband called from the studio and we talked a bit about the water issue. I ate a WW chocolate chip cookie. (1 point) He called again. I ate three wedges of laughing cow cheese and some low fat wheat thins. (5 points) He called again and we decided to run to town to grab a part that we thought would fix the problem. While I was waiting for him to pick me up I had two bowls of cold cereal. Notice I didn't say I had one serving...or two servings. I had two BOWLS of cereal! (who knows how many points!) Now here is the part of the issue....these foods were all on the list of options for me to eat for dinner that I had discarded when I made my choice. But they weren't really discarded from my head! Plus I do believe some of it was stress.

So after I ate, I sat in the car filled with self loathing and disgust because I KNOW better! Later I actually started laughing (for a hot second) because for a binge, at least I didn't go straight for the donuts, or the regular cookies, or ice cream. I still ate somewhat healthy.

I'm sitting here with a blank screen in front of me, wondering what to write about today. Most days when I log on to write, I have in my head something to write about...something that is just crying to get out of my head. Today, I've got a whole bunch just swirling around. Lots of fragments but nothing to really put down into one cohesive paragraph.



I guess I can start by saying that looking at my frustration objectively, it's a good thing. If I binged and didn't care it would mean that I am not at all bothered by the end result and reaching my goals any longer. So I guess my frustration and disgust in myself is a good thing because it shows me that deep down, I really do want to continue on and persevere to reach my goal.



A friend (thanks Lynn) recently bought and read the book DietGirl. She sent it to me. I started reading it this morning. I'm very early into my reading and there are aspects that I can not identify with at all such as, her mother and others contributing to her negative self image at a very young age. A self image that the author perpetuated into real life. BUT, the emotions and experiences of being a very large girl. The feelings as she started to lose weight. The guarded optimism. Those I readily identify with. Maybe this book will be good for me, if only to really remind me from whence I have come!



Sitting this morning eating breakfast with my husband, I got to thinking about something. I made pancakes, turkey bacon and we had strawberries with it. I actually made LESS pancake batter (thus pancakes) then I normally have in the past. My husband usually gets halfway or 3/4 of the way through and pushes his plate away...."I'm stuff" he says. Me, I lick my plate clean. So I got to thinking while eating this morning. I made less food...would he still push away his plate and claim that he was 'full'. I already cut the portion size down. In comparison to what he normally eats, the reduced portion should have been perfect (if not a bit small). Sure enough, with pancake still left on his plate he was done! Now this is not a once in a blue moon occurance. He almost always leaves something on his plate. Not always ...but almost always. Is he doing this as a way of mastering his desires to overeat. Basically by leaving food is he mocking his overeating tendencies???? Or does he really feel full and stop??

Me, they say that in time you will be able to listen to your body and it will tell you when you are full. I've listened. I've listened now for YEARS and I can't hear! I've done some research and there are researchers/doctors out there that say that some people are lacking the genes, and thereby the propor hormones that tell the mind/body when it is full. Reading about this, I do fit in the category! I've looked into this idea, about a year ago. I wrote about it here and here.


Today a friend sent me a link to a article. This also fits me to a tee! I see food and I respond. It could be that I just ate and I'm cleaning up from dinner.....I see the bread and I want it!



Which is it??? Do they all go hand in hand? Knowing isn't going to solve my problems...but mabye undersanding would make it easier!

Municipal Electric Light Plant

January 21, 2009 (143 of 365), originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Got to tour this old abandoned building today. Really really cool!

Sunnen

Sunnen, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Valves

Valves, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

control panel at abandoned power plant

IMG_3735, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

can you say frustration?

It's hard not to be frustrated! Frustrated at the lack of progress on the scales. Frustrated at the small gain I saw on the scales this morning. Frustrated at my motivation. Frustrated at my efforts!

Yes, I'm frustrated. I guess for the most part I'm frustrated at myself. I'm frustrated because I'm fiddling away my chance to lose weight (on a daily basis...definitely not in the grand scheme of things...that opportunity will never be lost). Yesterday I was doing fairly well. I had breakfast...right on target with what I had set for the day. We left the house and I hit up the gym. All was going well! After the gym, Todd and I stopped off and got a sandwich and spilt a side of potato salad. Still not toooo bad. I had planned for it and I was OK. I was a bit upset with myself because I wanted to take some grapes and a Clementine to eat with my lunch, but I had forgotten it. No problem...still on track! We ran some errands (Walmart, Target, and the mall)....lots of walking. And mid afternoon we met up with a friend to tour and old power plant. That is where things started going awry. The friend that we were meeting got held up was late so we didn't get started there until a bit later than expected. It was VERY cool and well worth the wait! But as I said we got done there later. So we stopped off at Cracker Barrel on the way home for dinner. I was still doing Really well. I ordered veggie platter. So I was doing fine....yeah, their veggies have more fat on them, but it was better than the other options. Anyway, I was doing really good UNTIL the waitress set down that pesky biscuit and cornbread muffin in front of me. I immediately felt a sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach. Yes, I ate 'em. I ate them both! OK, all was not lost.....I was still probably within my points. It was OK. But then I got home. I was putting stuff away and noticed the container that was holding the homemade bread. Before I knew it I was having a slice of it. Followed by a devils food (healthy choice) cookie. Ohhh and if that wasn't enough, I had a snack bar! I ate those things less than 30 minutes after getting home from the restaurant!!! Why? Why do I do this to myself?

According to fit day, I still burned more calories than I ate. But my weight is still up. I was over in my weight watchers points. (Yes, I'm still keeping track of both counting systems for a bit...just to see where I am...and maybe figure out where I need to be).

The other day I finally admitted to myself.......yes, I am a binge eater! Someone mentioned it a few months back "ohhh so you binge eat" (it was the trainer at the gym). I was shocked and denied it till I was practically blue in the face. But I guess it's time to strip myself bare and admit it....I am a total binge eater!

Check it out!

If you don't already follow Merry Mary's blog, then I highly recommend that you read this post! It hit me right between the eyes. It's about sabatauging our weight loss efforts....and who is to blame!

reflections

Not doing too badly....not doing too good either. My eating, while not out of control has not been exactly where it should be. I ate WAY too many carbs yesterday. Yesterday started when I was organizing the spice cabinet. I saw some spices for dipping oil. Hmmmmm dipping oil. YUMMY. That sounds absolutely delightful! SOOOO I immediately, without second thought, started to whip up a batch of homemade bread. Well, the dinner that I had planned really wouldn't have worked the greatest with homemade bread (it was a casserole that had bread in it......) so I just switched up and threw some spagetti sauce together and had that simmering away on the stove. It was a scrumptious meal just a little bit too many carbs. :-)

Exercise and activity wise, I'm going strong!

Yesterday I once again sat back at the end of the day and really thought about how far I've come. Was a day, not to long ago that a day of activity would have caused me to drop in utter exhuastion. Yesterday I woke up and I was on the go from moment one until the evening. I did laundry, I moved stuff, I baked, I cooked, I cleaned, I shovelled snow, I assisted my husband as he worked on some plumbing at the studio (running up and down the stairs more than 20 times), I also formally exercised for 80 minutes. I was not dropping from exhaustion. It was a normal day. I reflected that at one point, shovelling snow for 10 minutes was enough to cause me to drop on the couch for a long 'much deserved' break. What a difference!

I also spent some time reflecting on my current weight. Yes, I know that I can get to 180 pounds....I was there....I maintained that for over a year. I REALLY want to get back there (180 is my doctor approved weight...so when I get to 180, I'm back to lifetime at weight watchers...I won't have to pay). But I'm not going to worry about it. I can't get all stressed out and upset about the fact that the scales are just not moving. I know that I'm living a healthy lifestyle right now and that is what is important!

What's a girl to do?

This morning, I woke up early and ditched out on the exercise. I figured that I have all afternoon and evening...I can exercise then. Boy am I glad that I made that decision. YOu see, right about the time that I would have been finished my workout...all sweaty and icky and heading for the shower to get ready to go to work....the power went out. We live in the country without electricity, the pump doesn't run to draw water from the well! So not only was it dark...it was also cold...and I had no water! I'm here at work...my hair is...well......not exactly pretty looking. I did bring my toothbrush with me so that I could brush my teeth. (it's amazing that if your teeth are clean you feel somewhat human).

Breakfast in such conditions..... why we didn't have much of a choice. You see, we live in a dinky little town. Our choices to eat are Benders Bar. Petes Tavern....both of which obviously not the choice for breakfast as they are closed at that time in the morning. Lets see we have an ice cream shop...doesn't open until 1PM (ice cream for breakfast DOES sound good though..tee hee hee). We have one gas station....but on the weekends they do not have breakfast sandwiches....only on week days. And a little local convience store place....greasy food grill place. Woo hoooo! Time was of the essence as I did have to be at work by 7:30-7:45. Convience store greasy food here I come. My choices.......well...I could have had a bacon egg cheese.....chipped beef gravy.....sausage gravy.....my health food abounded. I looked and they did have bananas....but they were very spotted and quite brown...NOPE. SOOOOOO I didn't eat as healthy as I should have....but I really had no choice. Kind of difficult to have breakfast with no water...no way to heat it....no way to make coffee....no nothing. Yeah, I could have had cold cereal...except...I don't like cold cereal...PLUS cold cereal leaves me hungry the rest of the morning.

I don't know what the plans for the rest of the day hold. Todd and I may be going out to lunch. (that depends on the electricity issue of course). I hope to pick up my bike from the shop (it's done). While we are in town, we want to run to Target. And mom and dad called last night and we may hook up with them for dinner. If the power is still out...we'll be packing up the kitties and carting them to my parents house. :-) There may be a gym visit in there somewhere also. :-)