Mental journey

This weight loss thing right now is becoming soley a mental journey. I can say its mind over matter as many times as I want...or as long as want...as loud as I want. But until I figure out what's going on in my mind...this weight is not goign to budge.

Why am I struggling so much. I plan what I'm going to do for eating.....and yet I do the exact opposite. I had someone tell me "just don't have bad stuff in your house" Well, I don't have bad stuff in my house....per say, yet I have flour sugar and all the ingredients to make bad stuff. Even if I resist that, even the healthier stuff....if you eat it like it's the last time you'll ever have it.....in other words like a pig, then even the healthy stuff becomes unhealthy.

Why do I have such plans and motivation...but my willpower just can't get going? What is missing in this motivation/willpower connection. I've been pondering and have set aside some time today to really think about this deeply.

Am I afraid to lose weight? I'd have to say probably not. I have already surpassed any expectations that I had. I'm thinner now than I have ever been a an adult....so I've already passed that mark into unchartered territory....aka scary territory. I'll admit I cried.....not only tears of joy...but also some of fear. It's more exciting to me as I can shop and move. I know that my self confidence has soared and is still positively increasing. I'm tickled with it. I'm tickled with the changes, that I can go into any store and buy something. I'm still getting used to it in my mind....I dont' feel like I belong in those stores. But regardless, I'm tickled with the change. So I don't think that I'm afraid of losing weight.

Being honest with myself....do I enjoy the attention that losing weight has gotten me? Am I afraid that if I reach my goal I will no longer garnish that attention? The difference in my body is night and day different...and I get huge compliments and lots of attention becuase of it....am I secretly really eating up that attention and subconcioully trying to delay myself from getting to my goal in order to continue on with it? This one is not an easy one to admit...but this could be it? How though....if I continue to lose weight and get to my goal, I'll still be there...and it will still be obvious......my word...I dont' want it to be this reason!!!!!

Am I afraid of my husbands reaction to my 'new body'. I know that Todd loved me when I was big and I know he loves me now that I"m thinner. Am I afraid that if I lose more weight that I'll not be attractive to him. Obviously he has no problem being attracted to a big girl....but what about a thin girl? I honestly don't think there is a problem because while he is always very careful about his compliments....he seems very happy with the new me. He's very careful becuase when he does comment on my 'new body' he says that he doesn't want me to feel that he only loves me this way.....he loves/ed me both ways. In fact, he's looked at old pictures of me...some of my 'fat pictures' and shudders at how I looked in comparison to now. So I know he is happy with my changes....and he is more worried right now that I'm falling off the wagon and that i'll gain it back..........ohhhh could I be worried, weirdly enough that he wouldn't love me if I gained it back???? HMmmmmmm

I just don't know. I do know that right now I'm not fighting a battle with cravings or desires or anything like that...I'm fighting a full out mental battle and I have no idea how to attack.

Enough on the weight. Last night Todd and I ate the seven layer salad that I had prepared on Sunday evening. It was good. Todd was quiet about it so I wasn't sure what he was thinking. BUT this morning he was like, "is there anymore of that "seven stuff' that we had for dinner. When I said yes, he was like "Good, I'll have some for lunch today" So I guess that means that he liked it! After dinner I cleaned up and made and put together a perogi casserole for dinner tonight. Now that's a good meal! Todd will put it in the oven and have it piping hot for when I get home at 8PM. I'll probably throw peas or some such vegetable in a pan to have with it...and probably quickly slice some strawberries and put ff cool whip over the top to finish off the meal. And what a good meal that will make!

I love to bake...so last week (was it Friday or Saturday) I decided to make biscotti for Todd. He loves biscotti.....I don't particularly care for it so I thought it would be a grand thing to make...something that I don't particularly like. (I usually don't like it because it's way too dry...I like moist and chewy things). Well..unfortunately, I found that I do like the biscotti uncooked dough...and the biscotti between it's two bakings...I like that.....uhh yeah, and apparently I do like homemade biscotti! DRAT.

So last night I decided to try again. I found a recipe for Blue Cheese muffins. I had found blue cheese on sale...and i had a coupon so i got a great deal...and thereby just happened to have some in the fridge..perfect! PLUS, I hate blue cheese...so there would be no tempation for me to eat any right? I made them. They smelled pretty good while they were in the oven. Immediately after coming out they smelled good...so I had one. Yep, I still hate bluecheese. But I gobbled that whole muffin...down the hatch it went. Then I went and played on the xbox some....I was laying there and this smell started to just waft through the house.......it took me a while to truely identify the smell.....it was those muffins....the whole house stank to beat the band! It was terrible!!!! I had to pitch them out...and even take out the garbage bag that they are in. Todd came home during this drama and he was like......EWWW this house reeks! Oh well......we win some, we lose some!

Tomorrow, if the weather is nice, we may go down across the river from Harpers Ferry and hike up Maryland Heights. It will be an uphill climb....which may be rough on my knees...but I want to try it. We are also going to go to lowes and get a mower, a wood chipper and hopefully the stuff to build a shed for our garden stuff and some storage! Exciting stuff eh? If the weather doesn't co-operate, then we will probably end up going to the gym instead of the hike....which in reality makes more sense because Lowes and Harpers Ferry are in two opposite directions from where we live! If we end up going to the gym....we'll get home earlier than if we end up going down to do the Maryland Heights hike....I want to pick up the paint for the outside (I'm going to paint the outside white...and have green trim) and for my screened in porch....which I'm also going to paint white. If we go to the gym, I'll probably get home earlier....so I'm thinking that I'll start painting the porch. My reasoning...the stuff we are ordering from Lowes...goign to have it delivered.....we are also ordering indoor outdoor carpet for our screened in porch! I can't wait to get my round outdoor glass topped table on that porch......especially since spring is just around the corner! PLUS I WANT MY GRILL brought over. Todd and i have typically always used our grill heavily..but it's still at the other place...and with it getting warmer I'm getting antsy for it! But that's just moving it.....I want to get that back enclosed porch done!

Famous Mommy

Mommy's famous! OK, maybe not famous, but she did make the paper! Here is a copy of the article.

March 23, 2008
She makes City Farmers Market sweeter
Baked goods made with imagination
By TIFFANY ARNOLD
Fran Clingan makes homemade goodies to sell at Hagerstown City Farmers Market. This "lamb cake" encrusted with fresh coconut is an example of some of the homemade goodies Fran Clingan sells at Hagerstown City Farmers Market. This time, Fran "Snooky" Clingan transformed what could have been a two-layer coconut cake into a "lamb."
Weeks ago, she created a "groundhog" cake, a Bundt cake made to look as though it were snow covered, with crumbled Oreo cookies - the "dirt" - dusted at the center and a sign that read, "Looking for my shadow." There's a lot you can do with a good cake mold and a passion for baking. Clingan, 60, of Hagerstown, has lots of both. "I've always liked to cook," Clingan said.
The Herald-Mail met with Clingan at her North End home, where "lamb cake" rested on her kitchen counter, with cookie bouquets - iced sugar cookies on sticks - and homemade marshmallows nearby. Her many, many cake molds (including one shaped like a series of trains) were stored away in a cabinet. The "lamb cake" is adapted from another of her recipes, Snooky's fresh coconut cake, for which she uses freshly grated coconut. Since December, Clingan has been selling her baked goods at the Hagerstown City Farmers Market, where she is known as the "cookie lady." But it is not the first time Clingan's cooking has been available for public consumption. Clingan's mother, the late Dottie Thompson, owned the View Street Diner, a mom-and-pop restaurant that was open more than 30 years. The restaurant closed in 2000. Clingan said she was the restaurant's cook during the last five or six years it was open.
"If you've been in Hagerstown long enough, you've eaten at View Street," Clingan said.
Thompson, who died in 2004, told The Herald-Mail in 2000 that had it not been for Clingan and her daughter-in-law, she would not have been able to stay open as long as she did.
Clingan has been feeling the pressure to reopen the diner, but has not yet made up her mind. She considers selling her goods at the City Market a "baby step."

Diner or no diner, Clingan won't be hanging up the oven mitts anytime soon.

Talking with Fran Clingan
Clingan talks a little more about her love for cooking:
Q: If you had a chef at your beck and call, someone who would make up the dessert of your dreams, what would you request?
A: I like fancy things. If I had my way, I'd have chocolate mousse with white chocolate stripes. If I had a chef, I would want something I wouldn't make myself.
Q: Is there any baked good you absolutely would not eat?
A: No, not really.
Q: What are some things your family members request often?
A: My son likes chocolate delight - it has pudding in it. My daughter and I, we like most baked goods.
Q: What sorts of things do you make for dinner?
A: If I'm cooking for my husband, it's hamburger, hamburger, hamburger. Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes.
Q: So back to the chef scenario, if that chef were there to prepare you dinner, what would you request?
A: I probably wouldn't like that because I like to cook. Having this table down at the market allows me to fix so many things - each week it's something different.

http://www.herald-mail.com/?cmd=displaystory&story_id=189050&format=html

There is a recipe for the cake and also pictures....pretty cool eh? :-)

I've been a busy beaver. Mom and dad came down for Easter dinner. So Sunday I putzed around the kitchen all day. I not only did the cooking for Easter dinner, but I also made a seven layer salad to have with dinner for tonight (monday). Then tonight, I made dinner...we had the seven layer salad, almond orange chicken (yum yum) and the rest of the baked butter beans from last nights dinner. I had strawberries with a fruit dip/topping drizzled over the top. (heavenly). After dinner, I cleaned up the kitchen and then immediately messed it up when I put together perogi casserole for tomorrow nights dinner (I had to make mashed potatoes..and i don't use instant, cook noodles, saute onions...so I dirtied a lot more pans.) Now I'm done, the kitchen is once again clean and I'm just sitting here relaxing.

The problem...I've been eating like a pig today. I can't seem to get enough food to feel full....er satisfied! What's up with that??????? Oh if I can just stay out of the kitchen....which is literally feet away....in full view!

Two down!

How many days does it take for us to do something before it becomes a habit? Well, I'm two days down. I got up and TOdd and I went for a walk. About 40 minutes....2 miles. And then I came home and rode the exercise bike for a half hour. My legs were sore!

Meanwhile, I've done ok eating wise. However, yesterday I made a treat for Todd. I made him some homemade biscotti. I thought it was a grand idea. I would get to bake, which I truely love to do...and since I"m not a big fan of biscotti, I wouldn't be tempted. Well I found out that I don't like store bought biscotti...but homemade biscotti is pretty good. DARN. I ate some tonight. I actually did have some points left (3) and that is without counting any of my activity points that I earned today. So I'll probably be ok....but still...I would have been better without it!

I'm a little stressed at work. We are getting a new manager...and she had come over and chit chatted with made the comment that since our office is running pretty smoothly that she wasn't going to make any changes...nothing major....it would continue on. We all breathed a sigh of relief. Well today we find out that the head of all branches was sitting with her and helping her do up a 'new' schedule for our office. GREAT. I just turned down a full time position because I needed certain times off. Ok, not even certain times...but a regulated day off throughout the week! If something changes and it doesn't work out, I know that will be GOd telling me to get off my butt and get a job elsewhere.....but I really do honestly like my job. That is such a unique thing for me....so I hate to even think about leaving.

I got home from work and spent some time working on my grocery list. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow. I washed the dishes that had accumalated since I had done the dishes (at lunch).....gotta love it...I leave the house after lunch and all the dishes are clean...I come home and the sink is full again. OH well....ANYWAY, I then just hung out tonight. Todd worked until just a bit ago....so I played a little XBox 360 and then I read. I've got to put the dishes that I washed away...but other than that...nothing else tonight.

Goal Dress

Back when I was still weighing somewhere in the upper 200's and wearing size 24 in my clothing I was out shopping. I had just decided to get serious and lose this weight. Therefore when I stumbled upon a dress that was on and sale and marked down so many times that the end result was that the dress cost $2. It wasn't anything fancy, but I bought it as a motivational/goal dress. It was a size 12 (as a side note, I also bought a different dress in size 10...also for two dollars). When I bought it I seriously doubted that I would EVER get down to a size 12. I was actually shooting to be a size 16....but heck, for $2 I couldn't pass it up. Well, just recently I tried on that size 12 goal dress. IT FIT! Here is a picture of me wearing that goal dress. :-)

One day down!

I know that getting started into a routine is actually one of the most difficult things. You can plan it easily. And once started it is easier to continue on...but getting started. Each week I'm saying to myself.....this week I'm goign to start the exercise. Yesterday we planned to go to the gym...but then life got in the way. So we said, Thursday morning...we are going.......

I DID make it to the gym this morning. Oh my word...it's amazing how out of shap one can become in just a short (relatively speaking) amount of time! I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and then moved to the treadmill where I did 40 minutes of a fast walk alternated with shorts spurts of jogging. After the elliptical my legs were like jelly...they were literally shaking! After the treadmill I was like, "what legs?" tee hee hee Hopefully this will kickstart my exercise program again!

Meanwhile, on my home scales, my weight was at 187 on Tuesday morning. Wednesday morning i weighed in at 186.0 . This morning i weighed in at 185.6. So i can see the weight dropping. SIMPLY from eating healthy! Hopefully tomorrow will be good also...especially since I added back in the exercise! That spurt of fear when I saw 187 may be what i needed!

I'm so close...I've just GOT to keep plugging along. I've heard lots of people over the years say that the last pounds are sometimes the hardest......I think I just need to get over this 180 hump and solidly into the 170's......it's like some hurdle that i just can't seem to leap over!

One more skipped

Yes, I skipped my weight watchers meeting tonight. IT was.....uhhhhh...raining. That's why! Seriously, I KNOW that I gained big time this past week. I'm talking about 5 pounds of gainage! That is so uncool. I find myself once again at 187 pounds. NOT COOL! This past week is totally me. I did it to myself. I can place the blame nowhere but squarely on my shoulders. THe only thing...it's made me look back some at the last few months. My standard MO seems to be that I lose and get to the low 180's....and then hit a brick wall. I work at it for a few weeks or so and get frustrated...so i have a crazy eating week and gain back to the mid to upper 180's......and then start again...lose until I"m in the lower 180's (or even high 170's) and then hit that brick wall again. Knowing this...I've got to perservere through that period and break through that wall.

The other thing I've been thinking about....am I subconciously sabataging myself in this weight loss thing. I'm so close.....relatively speaking! And all of a sudden I'm stalled dead in the water. Being this close I should be so super motivated to finish this off....but I'm not....I lay really good plans...and then don't follow through. My willpower...well, my lack of willpower is what needs to be discussed!

Speaking of plans. I had the most wonderful idea for dinner tonight. I was making pizza. So I decided to put the toppings tha Todd likes on 3/4 of the pizza. I hate those toppings and won't touch a piece of pizza that has those toppings cluttering it up and messing up the taste (mushrooms and green peppers). Todd would then have leftovers for lunch on some upcoming day...and I wouldn't eat more than what I shoudl have. I had this plan set.......did I do it???? NO, when the time came, I made it 1/2 and 1/2.....and I ate my half! ARRGGHHHH WHY? Why do I do this. WHen I think about it, I think that I did it because "I love pizza" and I want to have as much as I can. I need to keep reminding myself that if I learn to control my intake, I can have pizza a heck of a lot more than I do now.....I can't have it a lot now because I have no control over my portion size...or intake!

So, you may be wondering how I was able to gain 5 pounds in a week. Well....last Wednesday I didn't do too badly, a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. The problems began on Thursday with the baking of a cake int he morning (and the batter.....big temptation for me)....and the decorating of the cake in the evening (icing.....big temptation). On Friday at work I had a piece of said cake and also participated in the potluck. Friday evening it was cookie making (from 6PM until about 10PM....ahh yummy cookie dough). Saturday was cookie day. Sunday...well....Sunday was sample day at Sam's Club and mudslides in the evening. Monday.....a co-worker brought taco dip into work....super yummy and another one brought in a lime cake (surprisingly tasty). Oh yes, and I treated my husband by making a raspberry cobbler for dinner. Tuesday...I was able to resist all the tempation at work (leftovers) but that last piece of cobbler reached out and grabbed me! I HAVE to stop this trend. I'm noticing that once I start with the sweet things, that stopping the 'habit' or trend or whatever I want to call it is just really difficult!

Watched The Biggest Loser tonight. These people are doing it.....and Ali did it at home for quite a while...I can do this also!

I'm pushing to go to the gym tomorrow! That would help kick start my workouts! I've been so lax on those also! Yes, I've literally fallen apart!

Meanwhile, I hadn't been reading peoples blogs online...and one in particular I had stopped reading because there were no new entries. Well, I decided to clean out my 'fav's and checked hers to make sure that it truely was a dead blog. Well, she had posted a message giving the information for her new blog site. Well..this lady had originally been 300 some pounds...and lost quite a bit of weight...had been down below 200. I haven't checked out her blog for MONTHS......and like I said I just found her. I about fell off my chair when I opened up the blog....she's gained it all back...or almost all. She is hovering right at 300 pounds. How easilly and quickly she gained it back (we are talking 6 months.....100 pounds!) That scares me! Will that happen to me?

NOw that I've spouted my doom and gloom and bad stuff I'm going to go surf the net. It's 11:30...and I"m wide awake. I tried to go to bed and sleep after The BIggest Loser...and it just wasn't happening. TOdd has suffered from some insomnia lately...he's snoring away tonight and here I am...wide awake! ANd really thirsty for some reason. Ususally when I go to bed I don't need anything to drink. Not tonight.....I've had about 3 glasses of water since 9PM...weird! Which means when I do fall asleep...I'll be up every hour thereafter in the bathroom! Joy Joy!

WIMPY

Yep, I was way to wimpy to get on the scales to face the music today. Isn't that sad????? Where has my will power gone. Yep,....I've had two cookies here at work today! Slap my hands!

Meanwhile, I am at work...and looking foward to noon when I can go home. I have no big plans for my afternoon. Todd is working on a community service project and will probably be gone all day. I have plans for dinner...but we may ditch those plans and end up eating out tonight. An old friend that is home on a furlough from the mission field...the Philllipines.... is going to be at mom and dad's tonight with her new baby (ok...new as in born Christmas Eve). So it would be cool to see her. However, if it doesn't work out with Todd's schedule...no biggie. I'm literally just planning on going home...changing into my 'skivies' (my skivies are my flannel pants and old sweatshirt from my fat days...and boy are those big baggie sweatshirts comfy!!!) and hanging out. I may read a bit...I may play some online Call of Duty 4. Who knows. I'm goign to try to ignore the things that need to be done and take an afternoon for myself. I'm not going to make the bed! I'm not going to do the dishes! I'm just going to relax! I can do my grocery list tomorrow morning right? Or later tonight right? Better yet, maybe I can plan my menu here at work and think about what we want to eat now....so then when I go home all I would have to do is figure out what I need to buy! What a splendid idea....think I'll do it......probably not! :-) And in fact, do you think I'll be able to ignore the unmade bed (yes, for those of you who know me...I've been actually making my bed most every day.....new house and all that......BREATHE...I know you'll find this shocking! and the pile of dishes in the sink? Probably not..but I'm going to try....and at the very least hopefully only spend a minimal time doing that stuff.

Speaking of dishes......arrgghhhhhh my dishwasher hook up is not compatable with my new faucet...so I'm still washing dishes by hand!

Next week should be an interesting one. I'm working a more 'normal' persons work week. I'll be working a lot of days 7:45 until 4. That's all fine and dandy until I realized that Todd works most evenigns.....meaning I won't see much of him....and having dinners together will be touchy. Maybe I should do chili as one of the meals...because that is an easy one that I can make but is just as tasty when I make it versus a few hours of simmering later. hmmmmmmm Wooo hoooo.....one meal planned. :-)

cakes, cookies and yummy things

Above is two pictures of a doll cake that I made for my manager for her going away/baby shower party.


Let me tell you...I know I'm not losing any weight this week.....what with making a cake yesterday morning (yeah yeah yeah, I had some cake batter to taste)....decorating that same said cake last night....(yeah yeah yeah, I throughoughly enjoyed tasting and nibbling on icing last night). And tonight I'm making cookies for a community service project that my husband is involved in tomorrow. (yeah yeah yeah...I've nibbled on not only the cookie dough for each type of cookie I've made...but I've sampled each type of cookie!) Eii yiii yiii

Today was super stressful at work. The computers were not working...yet we must continue to do the job...just without computers....and in a bank, that gets nerve-racking...especially when it's time to balance. Thank heavens I balanced to the penny. So I just came home and ate to my little hearts content. Now I'm feeling icky! ARRGGHHH It is so not cool to return to old habits!

I'm thinking that I'm going to show a bit of a gain again this week at my meeting. DARN, DRAT, SHUCKS! Yes, I'm royally ticked off. HOWEVER, I know that I have done it to myself. While i haven't been eating very badly.....I just haven't been making the wisest choices. I KNOW that I can't eat my flex points...yet I ate a few...and there you have it......no loss.....probably no maintain...and most likely a gain.

Lets look at the bright side of things though. I've started journalling my food intake again. That is a huge thing. At least now I know where I am with my eating. For a month or so there I had no clue. So that is a huge step in the right direction.

The stress....it just seems as if my world is falling apart. I got my car back last week from the auto body shop after a deer ran out and messed up the side of my car (yep, I got hit by a deer!) And within a few nights my car was messed up again. Sideswiped while sitting parked safe and sound (or so I thought). We've made a few purchases...and they are broke/dead out of the box/missing parts. Which yeah, we can take back...but it's just annoying as all get out when it happens. The phones here at work are acting utterly crazy....it's just not cool.

Stress and old habits

Yes, old habits die hard. I'm still under some stress. Uhh yeah, my newly fixed car is once again damaged (it was sideswipped while safely parked...I wasn't even in it at the time). So what did I do...I went to the kitchen and made a fudge filled chocolate cake...and proceeded to eat half of it (over the next 24-36 hours). NOT cool! That is NOT the way to deal with stress, worry and upset. What made me do it? I'm not sure.....other than old habits. That's how I used to deal with stuff.

I haven't weighed myself the last few days. The ick arrived last Saturday (the eighth) and I know how that can skew my weight. SO I just ignored the scales. I'm proud to say though that I've managed to at least journal my food intake. SO at least I made a positive step in the right direction. I just need to make a BIGGER step!

Warm weather

I'm still on the edge of eating healthy. Not eating exactly as healthy as I could be...but not totally throwing healthy eating over the edge. OH well.

Today the weather was fabulous. I so wanted to get out and go for a jog. However, life is just to busy now. I brought a load of stuff from my corner cupboard over from the other place...and then I had to put that away. I worked outside a bit.....I made Todd and I lunch and I fixed the shepherds pie for dinner...it's in the frig all ready for to be baked. That makes it easier when i work until 6PM.

We are getting all settled into the new place. It feels like home....I will be so happy when everything is totally moved over...and what isn't being moved is organized and boxed for storage! What a relief that will be!!!!

AHHH shucks!

Well, what a week! I didn't have a car for a week and a half as mine was at the autobody shop getting repaired after it's run in with a deer. We moved. Issues with my home scales, I worked. Life has just been busy!

The car. They did a superb job on the car. Unfortunately, they were a full week over the 'promised' date! I was chomping at the bit to get my car back. Normally it wouldn't have been that bad...BUT with us moving, Todd now has to drive to work. When we lived above the business it was nice when we only had one car because he didn't need a car every day. NOW, we both need cars to get to work. Well, we could ride our bikes...but it was dang cold...and dark when we get off work! So it was a pain in the buttocks. I bummed rides for a week and a half! But, I got it back yesterday evening!!!! I was so tickled!

Moving. Wow. The new place looks nice. Very homey and comfortable! I'd wager a guess to say that we have moved 95% of our belongings. I still have my washer and dryer to move, my corner cupboard, freezers, and exercise bike. I do have a few small things left also that need to be moved. But we are in...and quite livable. The problem. Well, we ate 'fast' foods or we ate out a good deal this week! That is rough on a diet! VERY rough! I was down to 179.8. Well...I'm back up to 182.4 according to my home scales today. I'll know the exact damage tonight at my meeting.

My scales. Well, I moved them and I went to weigh myself and they didn't work. The battery had gone dead...AGAIN! Didn't I just replace that sucker? Well, I bought a new battery and was able to check my weight this morning. I honestly do believe that if I had been checking my weight daily, I would not have allowed my weight to jump back up three pounds.

Well.......I did jump that three pounds and while I may have been more cognizant and not allowed it to happen, I do have to be honest. The ick should be arriving in my life soon. I say should be because I didn't mark it down last month....wasn't that smart of me???? So that may be causing me to retain water. PLUS, I'll be totally honest and admit that I've been drinking....well, zilch amounts of water! I've been drinking diet soda. And while that isn't the worst thing and didn't add calories and such to my life...it still wasn't what i NEEDED to be drinking! I do really honestly feel that water is an integral part of my weight loss. SOOOO I'm knocking back the 'sippy cup' of water today!

Last week at my weight watchers meeting I finally set and locked myself in to a goal weight. My weight watchers goal is officially set at 164. That is the highest weight watchers approved weight for my height range. At my meeting last week, that put me 15 pounds away from that goal. I guess tonight I'll be 18 or 19 pounds away....shucks! Oh well...that's still a heck of a lot closer than 100 pounds... or 125 pounds...or even 150 pounds. :-)

I'm refocusing myself on weight loss here. I can't let this get me. I've got to continue on and lose the rest of this weight. I've come to far to give up or fail now! Plus, I want new clothes! :-)

Great weight!

I showed a loss of 3.2 pounds at my meeting. I weighted in at 179.6. I was tickled. That puts me at almost exactly 15 pounds from my 'weight watcher' goal of 164! Woooo hooo!

Well...moving day was yesterday. I'm so darn sore! We had gotten to the point that we had to make the leap and just do it. So we did. I started working at 6 or 7AM and we carried in the last load last night at about 7PM. Granted we did stop for breakfast and lunch during that time..breakfast at the Red Byrd in Keedysville and lunch at Mr. D's in hagerstown (....VERY good food!) The cats were brought in at about 8PM. I then worked to get everything put away and settled....finishing up around 11PM. I showered and fell into bed. Uhhh yeah, I heard every creak and groan in the new place....and the cats.....more on that later. At 3AM I turned on the light...hoping that I could 'read myself' back to sleep....I did sleep fitfully from 11PM until about 3AM. However, at 3 i was wide awake. I finished my book. I turned off the light. Finally at 5AM I gave up and got out of bed and ate my cereal. I was thinking of heading to the grocery store at that point...but wanted to wait until at least 6AM. I laid down on the couch.....yes my new comfy couch...and slept for about 20 minutes. I ended up at the grocery store at 7AM.....spent a TON. I haven't gotten groceries for ages.....nothing serious at least...just pick up this or that here and there....I didn't want to 'stock up' just to have to move it all! I came home and we did two small loads of stuff. I helped Todd run the internet cables and the cables for the sattelite tv for the bedroom. I put some stuff away....made Todd a cheesecake and now here I am at work.....exhausted!

CATS! Lucy and Ethel were in the first batch of cats to come over to the new place. Todd said that they cried the whole trip (all of what...5 minutes tops). We took them out of the cages and we set Lucy in the cat liter first. She took to the new house like a fish in water. Yeah, she was a bit slinky and cautious...but she did VERY well. (We thought that she would be a wreck). I held Ethel while Lucy was being introduced to the cat bathroom. I then sat Ethel in the cat liter (after Lucy vacated obviously). Ethel jumped out and proceeded to follow me like white on rice. Everywhere I went, she followed. Oh yes...she cried and meowed copioiusly the whole time. I was working in the bedroom for the most part and I got both of the gals settled down......as long as I was within sight of them. (Isn't this just a pitiful story!) Well, Todd came back about a half hour later with the other two cats (he had to make a stop to drop off a cd to ...well, actually one of our 'new' neighbors). Desi was the first one to be set down in the cat liter box. My heart just broke. He hunkered down and let out this cry of pure pain! It was heart wrenching. Well.....it was so heart wrenching that Ethel...who was a bit upset before hand took off and ran and hid! Deebs was frozen in fear. Todd had to pick him out of the liter so taht I could introduce Jodi-fred to the new potty. She did really well. She, as Lucy was, was very skitish but was up and around and did verywell. She liked to be with...but she did excellent! Meanwhile, Todd was trying to soothe Deebs.......he did the cat liter again...and this time deebs got out on his own and slunk out of the laundry room and around the corner........into our bedroom. HE must have felt safe....under the bed. We let Ethel and Desi sulk for a bit in their hiding places for a bit before we pulled them out and loved them. Ethel stayed out...but Desi would only run back to his hiding place. Fast foward to nighttime. Why I didn't sleep much....a parade of cats. Literally, one would jump up....bat at my face to get my attention. I would pat it's head and then it would leave. Before I coudl settle down to sleep...the next one would come up....get my attention (by cat means), demand the pat/scratch and then they would leave. This happened with all four cats.....over and over and over again. And no....I didn't have the heart to kick them out of the bedroom! As I said earlier, I finally did get a little sleep on the sofa this morning. You may be asking why I didn't sleep longer? Well.....my computer desk sits out from the wall on the one side by about 8-12 inches......there is a bookshelf that buts up on that space...leaving a gap of dead space...surrounded by the end of the bookshelf, the end of the desk and the two sides of wall/in the corner. Well.....I heard this scratching noise. YES, my sweet thing Ethel got herself down in that pit and it's so small she didn't have enough room to jump to get herself out! Sad sad sad. The cats are still in a bit of an uproar.....Desi is the worst, Ethel is only slightly better. Lucy and Jodi are still easily spooked but otherwise ok.

I'm still here!

I'm still around. I haven't given up. I haven't fallen off the bandwagon. I haven't done any of that. I just realized that something had to loosen up in my life before I went irrevocably insane! So the weight watchers kinda got pushed to the back burner for a while. I still figure in my head how many points I'm eating and all that. However, I don't track or anything. Other than the first week when things went catawompus, I have managed to maintain my weight (actually a bit of a loss...BUT that can be attributed to the flu). I know that I'll probably be eating a bit 'worse for the wear' for the next day or so. We'll be moving. We'll probably go to breakfast tomorrow morning...and most likely lunch also. On the flip side....I'll be moving and such. Oh well...it will all work out.

I'm actually looking foward to getting back to a 'normal' life routine and getting this weight gone for good! This morning I weighed in at 178....that is 14 pounds from the high end of my weight range. I need to talk to the leader tonight to double check! Woo hooo! :-) FOURTEEN POUNDS!!!!!!! That seems so close!

What a week!

I'm down on the scales and I'm very tickled with that. However, I'd gladly take back this past week and not have lost anything. I've ended up sick with the flu. MISERABLE! And it sucks that it's right when I'm focused on trying to get us moved! ARRGGHH I was originally hoping to move today, but with me being sick for a few, I'm now thinking that next wednesday is going to be the day! Hopefully then things will settle down and I'll be able to refocus my energy on losing weight!

Proud of myself

I've been struggling of late with my eating as this blog easily shows. Well, I've been trying to pull myself together and get back to eating healthy portions and options. Well, yesterday I was bound and determined to do it. Todd and I decided to treat ourselves to a meal out for Valentines day. Well...on the way up to town, we had a bit of an accident. We hit a deer. Errr...well, the deer actually kinda hit us. I slowed and managed to avoid the first deer we saw....but the second one ran up and just literally ran right smack dab into the side of my car! (The deer was ok!). That deer just plain and simple sheered off my side view mirror and gave my car a few dents and bumps. I freaked out because I saw it coming and sat for those few seconds staring in horror as this deer came barrelling toward me (couldn't speed up because of the deer in front of me...couldn't swerve because of the car in the oncoming lane). The poor deers head just literally was smashed up against the drivers side window...just inches from my face. I saw the fear in that poor deers eyes! (mirrored in my own of course!). BUT, to make s long story short. We eventually did make it up to town and to dinner. We ended up going to Bob Evans.....everything else was just super busy and by the time we got there it was getting late and we didn't want to wait! I got a chicken breast, steamed broccoli and applesauce. AND, I'm proud to say that I stayed within my points yesterday! That is absolutely amazing. IT's the first time in ages! (ok, in weeks!) Driving up to town after the 'incident' I wanted Pizza and comfort foods. I refrained though!

Ohh...yeah, the sickest part.....I have deer fur/hair stuck in all sorts of places and crevices that are on the side of my car (door handles and such!) ewwwwwww!

So far so good today. I am going to have a little snack pack of food. (the chocolate cake 100 cal things from I think it's hostess) I should probably chose a healthier snack...but at this point if I'm within my points I'm considering it a victory!

Meanwhile, Todd and I are hoping to be somewhat moved and living over at the other place within the next 2 weeks (a week and a half to be exact).

I'm not going to my meeting tonight. For a few reasons. Number one, the ick is here and my weight is just all crazy over the place with that in the works. Number two, the weather is icky. Number three, something has to give in my life right now...and for the next week or two, it's goign to be that 100% focus on my weight. No, I'm not giving up. I just can't be 100% focused on that and still be 100% focused on getting the other place ready for occupancy and 100% focused. Quite honestly, the stress of trying to keep it all together was just getting to be too much. SOOOOOO...my goal is to maintain throughout this time. Continue to count my points as well as possible...but just to maintain. Hopefully lose...but the goal is to maintain!

clueless!!!

Yes, I'm clueless as to where my weigh loss progress is this week. I did weigh in a few days ago and noticed that my weight was up abut 2 pounds. That brought me around a bit and I was able to get my eating a bit more under control. Probably not totally back in line...but at least a bit better. I'm hoping.

I'm wondering if my 'ick' cycle has not been what's causing me all this grief these past weeks. Last month the ick was short and sweet. We are talking REALLY light for like less than one day. This month it has hit with a vengeance. So I'm wondering if that has played a roll in my rough month? Ok, ok, ok...I'm grasping at straws! tee hee hee

I get off today at 3. I'm planning on doing some laundry this afternoon and then relaxing this evening. Todd is working so I'll have to be doign 'quiet' things around the house....so I'll probably work on some of my projects for the other place. I think an evening of rest and relaxation will be a good thing for me!

the good, the bad and the ugly

What first...the good or the bad. Hmmm...I think I'll go with the bad first..and end on a good note.

I'm eating like a starving pig! What more can I say? I'm just eating and eating and eating! Not exercising and I have no desire to exercise! ARRGGHHH

The good news...and hopefully it will spark me to be 'good'. I was gettign ready for work, standing in the closet trying to figure out what to wear. Out of the corner of my eye I glimpsed my two 'goal dresses'. These are dresses that I found a few years ago for like a dollar a piece. One is a size 10, the other is a size 12. They are both denim (pity because I can't wear denim to my current job). Anyway, I saw them out of the corner of my eye. Just for a giggle I decided to put the 12 one...or should I say TRY to put the 12 on and see how close I am. OH MY WORD>>>>>>IT FIT! IT FITS! IT FITS! It is on the tighter side...but it fits! I can't believe it! Who would have ever guessed! I mean, I bought it....but I never really truly imagined that i'd actually ever fit into it! WOAH doggie! In fact, I think when I first bought them, my words (I think I journalled it...I'll have to go back and read and try to find it) were "I may never fit into these dresses...but they will serve as inspiration......cheaply".

Oh the other thing. A conversation with a friend sparked me to think about eating out and the booths that we are usually seated in. It made me think back a few years to when my husband and i would go out to eat. If we were sat in a booth, we wouldn't sit directly across from each other. We would sit more diagonally. This would allow us to push the table into a cock-eyed position....giving us each more room for our over-sized bodies! It's crazy because we no longer do that. In fact, I usually ahve WAY too much room in a booth!

Things are still strange in weight loss land

The weight was still down this morning. In fact, it as down even further. I didn't eat all that great last night. I had the points available for the meal and TWO cornbread muffins. I ate 4 muffins. So go figure! Oh well....it's still down. However, I do know that I'm goign to have to start being religious again very soon! I wish and pray that I am able to continue to eat like this and no longer exercise (like this past week). However, I know that is just not going to be the case. :-) We'll see what my official weigh in is!

Worked over at the other place this morning. The library is almost ready for the books to move in! Woo hooo! In fact, it's so close that we set up the futon that was stored over there and we were sitting on it for a while this morning....in the room. Yes, we decided to keep the futon and use it in the library. For a couple reason. One, it will give us seating in the library. And two, we can use it as a bed when we have company.

Walked back to the old trash pit on our property that we just located. I can not wait to start digging it out!!!! What treasures I may find!!!!!

Woah doggie!

Ok, so I've been somewhat disgusted with the weight loss progress. I know that times like this are when people usually give up and quit. I've never seriously contemplated quitting. However, I do know that while my motivation was still going strong this past week, that my willpower had taken a hike. Ok....it just plain up and died on me! I exercised ONCE during this past week. I journalled next to nothing in my food intake journal. I ate what I wanted and when I wanted it. (for the most part). I had cake, cookies, ice cream, and goodies. I DID NOT eat all my fruits and vegetables. Multi-vitamin....haa! Nada! I was however still cognizant of how much I was eating...and I did somewhat calculate the points (in my head...rounded off). I didn't weigh myself ANY this past week. SOOO this morning it was with much fear and trepidation that I stepped onto the scale. I had contemplated not stepping on the scale...and simply going to my meeting, weighing in and finding out then what kind of damage I had done this week. Well, I almost started jumping up and down with joy when I saw that the scales showed me at 182.6! My last weigh in...was last Thursday and I was 184. (On my last weigh in day I was 185.....woo hooo...I'm DOWN!!!!!!!)

I had already made up my mind that with the new week looming, that I was going to start being religious again about watching what I'm eating and such. I think in my mind I figured that I kinda needed a little break away from that routine. SOOOO seeing that I actually LOST weight during my little 'break' I"m half way afraid to pick back up on the exercise and stuff. I will though,....it's good for me. :-)

I think it's about time for an update on the renovations at the other place. The library floor...... 3/5 of the way done! I'm pulling out my hair though. The flooring that I'm putting down is MUCH more difficult to work with in comparison to the others that I have. I was literally rolling around on the floor trying to get it to be a bit more malleable against that stupid imperfect floor! As I was rolling around my thoughts? Well, I was thinking that if I was still 300 pounds it would be working better than the 185 'new and improved' MaryFran. Probably one of the only times that I will ever find something really positive to say about my old weight! :-) OK...enough about the flooring. I also spent quite some bit of time scrubbing and scouring the stove and oven! I have put it into place in the kitchen. I'm going to take my oven thermometer over there one day soon and see how 'off' the oven temperature is. I'm hoping that it's pretty dead on! :-) I'm also going to test the burners to see how they are! I'm hopign that they are all in working order. My stove where we live currently has a burner that's out. And I never realized how much I actually use all of my burners when I'm cooking! For that matter, when we build, I'm splurging for one of those 6 burner stoves! Todd worked very hard yesterday. Although I couldn't resist ribbing him a bit. When we were at Lowes last week, I picked up some pvc prime and cement and had it in the cart. Todd was like, "no, I've got plenty at home" and promptly took it out of the cart and put it back on the shelf. Sooooooo of course yesterday when he sheepishly comes out of the bathroom where he was working to tell me that he didn't have any pvc pipe cement I just couldn't resist giving him a hard time! Of course he dind't have his wallet or keys with him. SOOOO I ended up having to drive to Charlestown to run into Home Depot to pick up some. The bathroom.....well, I have a tub installed! The drain line is hooked up! I actually sat and layed back in my tub for a bit while I was talking to Todd (woah...another time when I kinda wished i had more weight on me.......I was sitting in the tub to make sure it was down as far as it would go...and to make sure that it was not wobbly!). Todd was just shaking his head like I was a ninny...because I was laughing and pretending I was taking a bath. :-) So the tub base is in and ready to go. Then Todd put the toilet in! So now he has to hook up the faucets and the shower head and put the surround up on the walls! At that point, I think we may be ready to turn on the water!!! Won't that be exciting???????????

Sore muscles as my poor excuse to not exercise

My muscles are sore from my workout on Thursday. I decided to push myself further than I normally do. So I kicked up the amount of weight that I lifted. And I'm feelign it in my muscles. Yesterday I didn't notice my stomach muscles..but I just stretched and wow, I really felt it! The gym has recently added a bunch of new 'ab' machines. Kinda cool. I tried one of them. I didn't think it did much good...but eii yii yiii...I guess it did. :-)

This morning, the alarm went off early. I got up and went to the bathroom. The problem...as I was walking I was feelign my sore muscles....so instead of gettign on my workout clothes...I crawled back into bed. NOT good. I can't even say that I slept that extra hour. NOOOOO, I just laid there awake. Why do I do these things?

My excuse...the sore muscles. I know that when i get off work at around noon, that I'm goign to rush home, eat a quick lunch and then head over to the other place to work. I'll probably be working for at least 6 hours tonight....so I didn't want to overdo it this morning. Yep...lazy ass excuse!

Happy February!

Well...my weight this morning was at 184. A bit up from yesterday..but not so much that I'm upset. In fact, I didn't eat all that good yesterday evening so I'm kinda glad that it wasn't up more than that .6 pounds! I went and had spagetti with mom and dad. Todd was suppossed to go with me for dinner but he ate something bad when he was at his Kiwanis meeting and apparently had a case of food poisioning...so I left the puke machine at home. After dinner I decorated a bunch of cakes for mom. It is fun to decorate...but it's been so long since I've done it That I wasn't overly happy with my job.....but it will suffice. Poor mom...she says that the pain hit her so bad last night that she was up all night...in tears.

I didn't exercise this morning. I woke up and I was so productive. I was paying bills, taking care of some issues that i've been pushing under the rug, doing some paperwork for the business. Super productive. BUT, buy the time that I was actually winding up, I looked at the clock and I had less than an hour to shower, dress for work, eat lunch, scrap my car (ice storm) and get to work. Sooo...there went my morning exercise. I know that I can vow that I will exercise tonight. And I'd really like to. HOWEVER, I know that our new XBox 360 came today.....so do you think I'm going to want to exercise or am i going to want to play games with my husband? Hmmmmm. We have been planning to get one early in the year 2008. Mainly because Grand Theft Auto is being released this spring. We got a bundle deal...and picked up something like 15 games with it. Ghost Recon 1 and 2, Halo 2 and 3, one of the Rainbow six games, a racing game, a few more 'shoot em up style games, some sports games (two football, one soccer, one golf, and a tennis). We got a really good deal! :-) Hmmm...what shall we play first. And let me say...if that putz that I married plays them without me this afternoon......ooooohhhhh I'll ...I'll..... Oh, I'll do nothing but razz him about it! So in all honest, I know that exercise is only a remote (very remote) possibility for me tonight.

Speaking of the XBox...when I gave in and agreed to getting the new xbox, I talked to todd about not using the xbox until we move...because it maymake it much more difficult for us to get over there and work if we know we have fun games to play. But, I guess i can try to think of it as a reward....work to do such and such and then go home and relax by playing a game. I guess for me it will be the hardest...because when I'm home I have stuff to do...I still have the rug to finish......the curtains for the bedroom to make...and that quilt to finish. So I won't be playing much. Oh well...... I'm an adult...I'm sure I'll be fine.

MADE IT TO THE GYM! WOOOOO HOOOO! I got a good workout in...and I'm very happy with what I did. I could tell a difference on one of the machines that I use to work out my arms that my right arm has gotten stronger. Could it be all that painting? tee hee hee

This morning todd and i woke up early. We had to take the van back to my parents. We decided to stop at lowes again on the way to the gym. We were so into picking out the tub, toilets and stuff yesterday at Lowes...that we forgot to get the tub kit...the one that has the knobs, the shower head and the faucet! Ooops! So we went in and picked that out. I have to say..the el cheapo ones looked just like that.....cheap. So we stayed away from the welfare sets and went with a mid range set. The shower head is like 5 inches in diameter....won't that feel soooo good?????? And I did help mom roll out her sugar cookie dough. I think we are moving up the cake decorating and dinner at mom and dad's to tonight. :-) No complaints from me...that's one less meal I have to make...or pay for! :-) Ok, I'm taking the salad! But, that's easy....becasue when i come home from the store, I chop and prepare everything...so it was a think of putting all the salad fixin' containers and bags into one big bag for me to grab after work.

My weight was down this morning to 183.4. So it's on it's way down again. Hopefully it stays down and continues to travel downward! :-) I'm going to try to get on the exercise bike for at least a 20 minute ride when we get home tonight. I'm going to try to shake myself loose from these darn pesky 180's anyway I have to....even if that means that i work out twice a day. tee hee hee. :-)

Flowers, a weigh in, and general life

Not the greatest picture from this angle and with the clock in the back ground...but shows the size...especially when I say that I was standing about 10 feet back from it in order to get the whole arrangement in the picture!

Well...the other day I was sitting in my managers office talking to her. Wewere talking about the changes that may come and I was taking care ofgetting some days off requested. Well, the other gals were just fiddlin'around and yelled out..."ohhh look, someone is getting flowers". They wereall speculating who it was. I didn't even bother to turn and look at theguy as he approached and entered....I mean, I wasn't getting flowers..therewould be no reason. But as the gals talked (it took him a while to get theflowers out of the van and come in) there were only four of us there. One'shusband is i the hospital...and another one's husband was incredibly ill (weare talking hugging the porcelin throne ALL day). So that only left two ofus. Still...why would I be getting flowers? Well....let me tell you. MY...yes MY flowers were all sorts of various colored roses. Todd chose toadd a balloon that said Love love love and he added a little teddy bear onthe vase. It is HUGE!!!!!! And gorgous. No reason for the flowers...justbecause. :-) What a nice treat!Well...we woke up early this morning...especially since it was a day off.(6AM). I exercised and made breakfast (egg and cheese sandwiches...todd'shad vegetarian sausage also) and then we headed up to town. We were at momand dad's by 8AM...to get the van. And we were at Lowes by 8:30. (The newLowes is nice..and the people/workers are so friendly). Lowes took usFOREEEEEEEEEVER!. We didn't get out of there until about 10:30. We had todecide what toilets to buy...what tub to buy...what surround to buy foraround the tub. You name it...we had to decide. And it was big bulkystuff. When we checked out...I was pushing a cart with all the little stuff(oh yes...I got my lights for my kitchen) and I was pulling a cart thathad our tub and the wall surround on it. Todd was pushing a cart that hadtwo toilets and a ton of trim (moulding and quarter round, etc). We musthave been a sight! We shoved it all in the van and we were homeward bound.We were at the trailer by probably 11:30/Noon. And we worked until about6PM. I know I got a lot done...but it was stuff that I don't actually 'see'the progress...but I know that it moved me further along. :-) My kitchensink is done! (todd did that...all the plumbing and installing the sink andfaucets). I put flooring down in the bedroom closet and the library closet.I laid the floor under where the refridge and stove go. (I did that eventhough we aren't ready for the whole floor simply becuase I"m tired ofhaving to walk around and deal with the stove and refridge that are sittingin the middle of the living room!) So my next step is to actually cleanthem really good.....scour those puppies down and then move them into place!My floor for the kitchen....well, it's going to be busy...it's a black andwhite checkerboard style....reminicent of the 50's....or of a diner...boththings that are near and dear to my heart......so I'll be ok with it! :-)I ran through my last can of paint. I have one more coat to do on ONE wallin the bedroom.......just a tad wee little area on the ceiling in the livingroom...and one wall in the kitchen (which I can do now that Todd finishedpatching it!). I'll pick up more paint tomorrow when I return the van to myparents!When we take the van back tomorrow, I'm goign to roll out some cookie doughfor mom. She sprained her rotator cuff....they are pretty sure it's asprain and not torn (thank goodness). She still has to go to therapy twicea week. She can barely move her arm...and she has orders for cookies...soI'm going to take the van back.....roll out her cookies and go to the gym.I don't have to work until 2PM so it will work. Then I think on Fridaynight after I get off work we are going up to have dinner with mom anddad.....and then I'm going to decorate her cakes for Saturday! :-)

NOw.....on to the weight stuff......I showed a gain of 2.4 pounds at the meeting last night. Frustrating! Julie told me that it happened to her at one point where she'd have spikes in her weight for no reason. PLUS...I realized that I've been within 3 pounds of this weight for 5 months.....starting month six. Woooooo Hooooo plateau!

What is it with Mondays?

What is it with Mondays you may be asking. WELL.....I got on the scale this morning, and low and behold my weight was up. Yesterday I was sitting at 182.6 Still up a bit from my lowest...but much better in comparison to last weeks weigh in. So when I saw that I was at 186 this morning I just wanted to scream! Wasn't it a week ago that I was writing about how my weight just jumped drastically!

Is it like a a friend just suggested...that since I'm getting smaller it's just more difficult to lose? Or is it just that I'm for some reason retaining water? I will say that I didn't go to the bathroom much yesterday...even though I was drinking quite a bit! I'm drinking up a storm today..and I'm going. So maybe that has something to do with it!!!!!! Who knows.... I certainly don't! ARRGGGHHHHH



No matter, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. Watching what I eat...staying within my points. Exercising my 6 days a week...and I need to be assured and happy with the fact that what I'm doing is making me healthy even if the scales are not showing a downward slide.



Meanwhile, I've been working a lot over at the other place. I'm making a good deal of progress. The painting is just about done. I've got the bathroom floors laid. Its really starting to come together.

thoughts on maintaining my weight loss forever

My mom asked me a while back if I thought that this was somthing that I'd be able to do forever (eating and being op). I answered yes. Everyone says maintainance is harder. But I think only because they feel the need to let down their gaurd. That is why I'm getting in the habit of weighing each day....and I've set myself up with that 5 pound mark....and getting myself in that mindset. I think I've told you about my 5 pound thoughts. Basically, I know what my lowest weight ever is (179.8). I'm not happy if I gain any weight at all...but I'm ok as long as I stay within a 5 pound radius of that mark (yes....in December and just recently I've blown that mark...and notice how paniced I became). My reason for doing this. A few months back, I gained .8 pounds one week and I was like, "woah...that's not so bad" The following week I gained 1 pound. And once again I was like, One pound isn't that bad. The third week I gained about a pound and a half...and once again I was like, "in the grand scheme of things that's not bad." HOwever when I looked at where I was......yeah, each week individually wasn't bad...but collectively...eii yiii yiiii 3 pounds! So I decided to set up my 5 poond thing. Yeah, I can say 'it's not bad' for a few weeks...but when I see those scales show me 5 pounds higher than my lowest weight...then I need to go into panic mode. :-) So I"m trying to do anything I can to prepare myself for the long haul (the rest of my life!)



The scales are going down again! THANK GOODNESS! Sadly enough...all this hard work I'm doing this week is not really taking me lower...it's returning me to my previous lowest! SICK! BUT, that's the way this journey goes. :-)

The great weight debate

Yes, the great weight debate today is should I weigh in daily or not. Under normal circumstances I think it's a good thing to weigh in every day. However, I'm coming through a difficult stretch. I'm trying to turn around a little period of weight gain. So this morning as I lay in bed thinking about getting up, I debated. Should I weigh myself today and risk the disapointment of finding that I didn't lose anything or God forbid gained again. I knew that if i found that I had gained I would be absolutely devastated. If I thought yesterday was bad...today would have been ten times worse. BUT, I also am smart enough to know that if I didn't weigh in I'd be obsessing about it all day. I'd be wondering...and worrying over what the scales would be saying should I step on. SOOOOO it was with much fear and trepidation that I stepped on the scales. Yesterday morning I was up to 187.2 pounds. This morning I was down to 186.0 pounds. Not a total elimination of the weight that I've gained...but I do see progress in the right direction.

I got up this morning and did the Jillian Michaels Cardio Kickbox dvd. It was the first time that I did that one. It was pretty good. It wasn't too rough with the impact stuff....which is a GREAT thing. I dont' want high impact...but I want my heart rate up there. This one seemingly fits the bill! Woo HOOOO :-) Regardless..I'm very happy with myself for dragging myself out of bed and doing it!

I have a three day weekend this weekend (off Friday, Saturday and then the normal Monday). I'm planning on working over at the other place for some of that time. At least a few hours each day. Tomorrow I'll probably be over there longer than the other days...Todd will be with me (he doesn't work until the evening.) My plans......get the floor down in the bathrooms. Finish painting the bedroom and start the living room...and work on the walk in closet. If I can get that done, it will leave me just to finish the living room and the floor for the library. Todd and I will also need to do the floor for the kitchen. We need to decide what do do for the flooring in the bedroom and living room. Todd needs to finish the walls (tileboard) in the laundry room, set the toilets and put in the tub. And then he's down to working on the flooring stuff with me. Other than that...it's trim stuff and touch up stuff. WOO HOOOO!

Pity Party

Yes, I'm having a pity party for myself. I'm gaining weight. I've been so good the last few days...yet the scales continue to go up! This mornign, i was so sure that they woudl be down a bit..and to step on them and see that I was up another half pound. Well...no word other than devastating will suffice. Yes, I was totally devastated. Enough that I sat down beside my poor sleeping husband and had a good cry. I told him how tired I was of all this healthy eating stuff...and how I wanted to just eat any old thing I wanted. And how disgusted I was that I gained without being bad. My word...if I'm going to gain (5 pounds) I at least want to be able to say, "but it was sure worth it!" Todd, all bleary eyed and struggling to stay away did ask if I was willing to throw away all the hard work I've done to get to where I am by giving up. Honestly...no I'm not willing to give it up....but I won't lie and say that the temptation isn't there!

Todd and I, after I calmed down a bit, and once he wasn't struggling to keep his eyes open quite as much as he was when I first sat down on the bed, talked a little about our plans for when I get off work today. Tenatively we are goign to run to Frederick to put out some flyers for a studio event. We are goign to swing back to hagerstown and go to the gym.....and then home. Dinner will depend on the time. If no time...somewhere that I can get something relatively healthy to eat for dinner....but if there is time...then home to have Homemade sweet and sour chicken over rice.

Bless his pea-pickin heart...I had to call him to let him know that I would be working an extra hour today and getting home at 3 instead of 2. He did some light cleaning at the house for me. It's really not funny...but in a way it is cute to see what happens after I have a crying jag in front of my husband.

As for the tears.......I know I was exhausted yesterday. I didn't feel all that bad. I knew I was tired.....but I know it was a much deeper tiredness than I thought. I have double vision (I thought everyone saw two of everything for many years before some eye doctor figured it out). My brain automatically adjusts so that I'm not reaching for the 'wrong' thing. My brain just processes the two things and can figure out which is real....or where the 'real' thing is. The only time I really have a problem is when I'm really tired...then my brain just doesn't process it correctly or fast enough or something. So yesterday I was at work and noticed it first when i went to go under a long phone cord that was stretched across the room (someone was on the phone). I reached for the cord and I had grabbed for the wrong one......over and over. One other event that stood out was when I was trying to fill out my balance sheet...I struggled so hard trying to figure out which line was the proper one that I needed to write my information on. So the tears could have something to do with that I'm sure.

A friend mentioned to me that it's no wonder that I'm not losing. First of all, my exercise isn't happening as it should. Secondly, I'm working like a banshee on the other place...and that's probably causing all sorts of stress and worries. So my body is being thrown into a tail spin. I'm not sure, but I don't like it!

I did get up early this morning and ride the exercise bike. It doesn't give me a good workout...but at least it was something.

Disgust!

Yesterday I did so good. I was careful, I was active (painting..but active none-the-less) and I stopped on the scales this morning....woah baby was I up! That is so not cool! It's actually quite disgusting.

Honestly, it makes me want to give in and give up. NO, I'm not going to. I've already made plans to buckle down even further. BUT it is just so disheartening! Like I said in yesterday's entry, I know what I've done. The sick part is that I wasn't being all that bad. And to gain a significant amount just really puts a damper on any enthusiasm I have for this journey. Where in the world does one find the mojo to continue on when the chips are down.

My exercising still isn't where it should be. The alarm went off at the proper time...allowing me to have the time to exercise, shower, eat breakfast and get ready for work (and still be here on time). I leaned over and turned the alarm off....and then preceeded to lay in bed for about 25 minutes. I can make all sorts of excuses...it was cold out....I was tired....whatever excuse I want to make. But it boils down to the fact that I just didn't feel like it. Even as I lay there beating myself up for not getting out of bed...I made plans to exercise tonight. I thought about the fact that I'll be watching The Biggest Loser tonight and I have decided that if I don't exercise before than, that I will ride the bike while I watch it tonight. I'm fearful though...because I know that the best laid plans don't always work out. I've got to kick start my exercising though.

I'm not going to my meeting tonight. Various reasons.....with the biggest being the fact taht i'm working a long day today and I know that usually after working a long day i just want to go home and put on my comfy clothes. I know I gained.....I know what I need to do to fix it.

Work on the other place is progressing nicely. It looks a mess.....but I can see where things are going to really start falling together very soon. :-) I'm looking forward to moving in over there. There have been some hardships where we live. It's not exactly easy to live above a recording studio.....just to name one. Plus, the water issues (we live on a cistern so before i do anything I have to check to make sure we have enough water to do it...and we have to haul in drinking water). Heat....an old house...difficult to heat! The other place has good heating! (and central air for the summer...what a plus....no more window units like we have now). I could go on and on with lists of wonderful things. Things that you'd normally take for granted...but I haven't. In a way it's been a very good thing. I've learned not to take for granted many things. Water.....how many times do we simply turn on the faucet and let the water run with no thought. I don't do that. In fact, I hope I never just mindlessly waste water....I don't want to become hardened again. So there have been some important lessons that I've learned. :-)

NOT GOOD

Woah......I realized yesterday that I had not journalled ANYTHING that I'd eaten in my food tracker! NOT good. I know from past experience that when I don't journal every bite...that I tend to eat a little more and gain weight. SOOOO...I'm back on track with at least that.

I still haven't gotten back into the exercise. I find it simply amazing how difficult it is to motivate yourself to get back into the exercise routine. When I'm doing good....exercising 6 days a week it seems so easy to do it. After I haven't done it for a few days it seems so difficult to do even one day! BUt, each day...each minute is a new one...and I'm starting fresh!

My weight is up a bit. Not a good thing. However, I'm going to make sure that it comes down!!!!!!

Well...I showed that .8 loss at my last weigh in. But since then I've sort of fallen apart. I've not done too awfully terrible. However I know that I'm not doing all that great either. My weight has gone up a pound or two. That is totally disappointing! SO I decided to look deeply and see exactly what is happening. There are two things going on. Exercise and eating......duh..what else could it be!

Exercise. Well, my foot injury from the other week. While I'm ok with basic walking. I found out that it still hurts pretty badly if I'm on my foot too long or do something too demanding with my foot. I keep telling myself that there is no excuse...I should be on the exercise bike! BUT, saying that and doing that are two different things. I don't want to overextend myself...with an injury becuase that will keep me from exercising all that much longer!

EATING. This one is the biggie. I do ok with my lunch. But when it comes time to make dinner...I'm in the kitchen and I snitch food while I making dinner. Yes, dinner could be mere minutes from being put on the table and I am eating something else! This is so not good...it's wracking up extra points that I don't need to be eating! I know that's where the problem lies! Becuase if I actually look at my 'meals'...my points are right on target....it's that snitching that is pushing me over the edge! I keep telling myself that I'm not goign to do it anymore, yet it happens time and time again! NOT COOL!

I've been busy also with stuff for the other place. It seems as if my spare time is spent in one of three ways. One...over at the other place, painting, cleaning and otherwise working. OR Two, spent planning and purchasing stuff. or THREE, in making curtains and other things that I'll need. (Yeah, I'm making them...it's more fun...and I can get what I want!) So I feel overwhelmed with life and all that it entails right now!

Thoughts on my Food Addiction

I was writing an email to a friend this morning. This friend has just recently started to switch to a healthier lifestyle and is trying to lose weight. I had mad a comment about how when I'm eating correctly and I've won, at least temporarily, this battle over my food addiciton, that I feel so empowered and so proud of myself that it's almost as if I'm on a little high. It started to make me think. Ok, I'm addicted to food and when I'm eating something, I'll overeat to continue to feel that high or that rush of good feelings that I get when I eat something delicious. Sooooo if I can get a similar (no, I'm not even going to say that its the same) feeling when I win a battle with this addiction...is there someway that I can equate that feeling and substitute it for the those feelings/highs i get when I'm eating like a mad woman? Yes, I know addiction transferrance is a bad thing. But trying to equate those really good feelings of beating it and putting that positive act in place of the negative one can't be bad.

I've looked deeply at why I may be addicted to food. I iknow that I love the tastes and textures of food. I don't sit and crave foods though. My problem begins when I start to eat something. Or I should say when i start to eat something that's really good. What happens is that it tastes sooo good....I keep eating because simply for that reason.....it's so good. I've found though...that the first few bites are what tastes the best. WOAH......a thought just popped into my head. A previous boss of mine told me that she had read that if you take three bites of something that you would be satisfied when you were done and would be able to push away. Well......i've tried it and it does work. It takes willpower but you are totally satisfied with only three bites (of the bad stuff of course). That kind of works into my addiction thing. Those first three bites or the best anyway. After the first couple bites, the taste diminishes. (Although, becasue I'm an addict, I continue to eat and eat and eat more of the same thing...trying to re-kindle those first bite feelings). HMMMMMMMMM So they both go together hand in hand.

Tonight is my weigh in. I actually forgot to weigh in this morning. Therefore, I really and truely don't know how it's going to go. I know that my weight has been at around 181 on my home scales these last few days. But today...who knows....the ick arrived just the other day...and that can totally mess up the works! We'll have to see. If my home scales remain somewhat true to the meeting scales I should be down about 1.5 to 2 pounds. We'll ahve to see though! :-) It will be interesting to see how everyone else did this week!

My foot is doing pretty good. It doesn't hurt anymore when I walk or move around. However, i just realized that it hurts when I'm running. I ran over to the library while at work. I didn't put on my winter coat and just ran over. It was very cold. So I ran back to the bank.....my foot hurt while I was running. True, I had on a shoe with a bit of a heel.....but still. So I'm still goign to have to be careful. We didn't make it to the gym last night....well, take that back, we made it to the gym....but they were having a blood drive for the Red Cross ....so we gave blood instead (ok, Todd gave....I went through the whole rigamorole and waited and all that and then they couldn't find a vein to tap...oh well). So that used up our time...and Todd had to work in the evening so we dindt' have the time to do both. BUT, I know that I need to kick my exercise back into gear. I'd optimally like to go back into exercising first thing in the morning....and then ride the bike for 20-30 minutes in the evening if at all possible. I think that would help me drop these pounds to get to my goals!

For some reason my pictures of my 'babies' won't upload! It's really starting to pluck my nerves!

Good eating, size 12, wearing mediums, doing well!

Well, my weight is still holding at roughly 181.5 pounds! Even with the ick having started! I'm pretty happy about that. Yeah, I'd like to drop into the 170's...but I'll settle with any loss!

I've been doing pretty good with my eating the last few days. I've tried to stay within my points and make healthy options. I haven't been exercising as much as I normally do...basically because I wanted to give my foot a bit of a break. Today though, I get off work at 3PM and Todd and I are planning on going to the gym. That should give me a nice workout! Woo hooo!

Yesterday I was at the mall with mom. I decided to try on some dress pants. No, I'm not buying any....the ones that I have are ok for use still...my current pants are size 14's. Some are getting loose on me...but they are definitely still wearable. :-) So, I decided to try on the 12's to see how they fit. I can fit into the 12's!!! Amazing!!! I'm hoping to leapfrog over the 12's. Basically wear the 14's loose and baggy as long as I can...with belts and whatnot, and try to save my money by not buying any/many 12's......and then buy 10's as my next size down. We'll see. I know that in the past, I've been so tickled to actually be the next size down that I go ahead and buy one pair of pants that fits me perfectly. We'll see. I've always kinda thought that I'd be around a 10 when I get to my goal weight....that's looking like it may be true. Possibly even an 8. Oh my word..that would be like unheard of in my book...to be an 8! But, no worries....I'll be what I'll be when I get there! :-)

The other thing that happened at the mall. I was in this one store with mom and found this adorable dress shirt....(it had a cat embroidered on it). It was on the sale rack...my kind of shopping (at least now when I'm trying to be frugal with money as my sizes are changing so drastically). So I picked up an XL to try on. I actually also picked up a Large. I know that the last thing I'd had purchased (months ago) from that store was an XL....and I knew that it was quite loose now. Well, I went in and tried on the XL....very big. I modelled it for mom and pointed out the buttons and little flaps on the side that would enable me to draw the shirt in a bit smaller as I lost weight. REALLy cool. But as it was big, we decided to try on the large. I went in and woah doggie..the large was still pretty roomy. I must have had this huge look of consternation on my face as I went back to the rack of clothes. They had only had like 4 of these shirts...what was the chance that they actually had another one...but this time in Medium. Well, thet did! I tried it on.....it's not as roomy as the Large (obviously) but it fit quite nicely. It still has the button thing...so as I lose some more, I'll still be able to pull it in a little as I continue to lose! SOOOO I'm wearing a MEDIUM. What's with that? :-)

I did finally go into Victoria's Secret. I felt a bit awkward at first. Afterall, I've still got the 'fat girl' mentality. I'll admit that I was a bit intimidated because of my own insecurities. However, I'm every bit as entitled to be there. I didn't even have to buy the largest sizes that they sold! God Bless my husband for recognizing my insecurities with this weight loss and taking steps to get me past it (he knew that a gift certificate would ensure me going into there.). :-) I didn't buy anything super sexy or anything. I bought things that I desparately needed. When I get closer to my goal weight (and a more stabile size) I'll splurge and buy some of this big ticket items! :-)

Work is still progressing at the other place. I'm sure that the fact taht I've done a decent amount of work over there has helped to bring my weight down a bit this week (especially since I haven't bee exercising a whole lot, because of my foot). Even though it is not work that is making me strain and sweat......it is causing me to be on my feet and moving. THAT has to count for something. I'm hoping that once I can kick back into the routine of formal exercise every day, topped with the work over there..that the weight will just melt off of me!!!!

Measurments

I try to take a monthly measurement of my body with the good old tape measure. I keep the figures on a spreadsheet....making a new spreadsheet for every year. So I decided tonight to go ahead and do my Jan. 2008 measurements. For some reason, I decided to compare my first measurements to todays. Well, what I did was actually find the spot on the tape measure ....from my measurments from 2 years ago and then hold it in place. It was actually shocking to see the very visible evidence of exactly how big I was. Mind boggling!

Saturday Morning

Yep, Saturday morning hit...and with it the absolute feeling of lethargy......which means that I slept in a bit and didn't get up to exercise. I'm not too overly concerned. I only work until noon. And then at that point I am going to run home, eat a quick lunch and then run over to the other house to work. I'll be painting, climbing ladders, squating to dip brushes/rollers, etc etc etc. for a couple hours, so at least I'll be somewhat active today. I should be able to have at least 4-5 hours over there to work today. On one hand, I'm dreading going over there and working...I'll be by myself and I really do get tired of painting. In fact, its already starting to wear thin. But on the other hand, I'm so excited about getting it done that I just want to be over there constantly to get it done as quickly as possible.

Tonight, Todd wants another mushroom swiss burger with some kind of pasta. I'm debating exactly what kind of pasta to make....one that I like and I'll eat.....or one that I hate so I will not eat. HMMM I guess it depends on what I eat for lunch I guess. :-)

My weightw as down to 181.6 this morning...so at least I'm going downward....slowly!

Mysteriously Quiet

I just realized that I've been very quiet on my blog. It's not because I've been doing poorly, or that I've fallen off the wagon. The main reason is that I've been incredibly busy. We are working on some remodelling projects on a house that we own....one that we are hoping to move into in a few months. It's a lot of cosmetic things....but todd's step father didn't take care of it and left it in shambles.....and a pig-sty. Therefore, I pretty much want every surface painted over or covered! So I've been painting...hours and hours of painting! Every day either before work or after work (depending on my schedule) paint paint paint. Kitchen cabinets take FOREVER to do. We've also had some extra trips to town to buy supplies.....so that takes time also.

I went to my weigh in on Tuesday night. I was up...as I knew I would be. I was up 1.6 pounds. It could have been a whole lot worse...if I wouldn't have worked my tail end off over the holidays to get the weight off from that binge that I had! It felt good to get back to the meetings and back on track! My weight was 183.4. That puts me 19.6 pounds from getting to my goal...my weight watchers goal that is!

I hurt my foot on Tuesday while exercising...yep, I fell off my step while doing step aerobics. While it's getting better, I do still feel some twinges of pain if I'm on it too much or if I move it wrong. Have I let this derail my exercise efforts? Not at all. I've been getting on the exercise bike. I found that I really don't like to ride the exercise bike...the time drags on and on.....but I'm doing it.

Interesting article

From sparkpeople.com1.

1. Carl's Jr. Western Bacon Six Dollar Burger I’m an East Coast kind of guy, but I realize there are no boundaries when it comes to bad foods. So, for this review, I took the advice of 19th Century newspaper editor Horace Greeley who urged, “Go west, young man, go west.” The Western Bacon Six Dollar Burger will gun you down with 1,130 calories (600 from fat), 66g fat (100% of your Daily Reference Value), 28g saturated fat (140% DRV), 150mg cholesterol, 2,540mg sodium (110%DRV), 83g carbs, and 47g protein.

2. Pizza Hut Double Deep Pizza These Double Deep Pizzas are handcrafted by loading an entire pizza with twice the toppings of a medium pizza, plus 50% more cheese and then wrapping the crust over the top to hold all the toppings in. I tried two slices of the Meaty variety. According to the Pizza Hut Website, I also opted for 1,160 calories, 72g fat (110% of your recommended Daily Value), 28g saturated fat (140% DV), 3g trans fat, 200mg cholesterol, 3,980mg sodium (166% DV), 62g carbs, and 62g protein.

3. El Monterey XX Large Chimichanga While shopping at Wal-Mart here in Northeastern Pennsylvania, I noticed Spicy Red Hot Beef & Bean Chimichangas in a cooler near the deli. They looked suspiciously like my 3-for-a-buck burritos of yesteryear—only bigger and a tad more costly. While a standard burrito wraps a filling of meat, beans and/or cheese in a flour tortilla, a chimichanga is a meat-filled tortilla…deep-fried. The key words "deep-fried" may explain why my mushy 10-ounce XX Large Chimichanga did a Mexican fat dance on my diet to the tune of 920 calories, 57g of fat (15g saturated, 1g trans fat), 40mg cholesterol, 1,140mg sodium, 83g carbs, and 22g protein.

4. Denny’s Meat Lover’s Scramble As Mr. Bad Food, I’ve seen plenty of bad nutrition numbers in my day. But I never saw anything as heart-stopping as what I found on the Denny’s Website one day. It was my stomach that turned upside down when I checked out the nutrition numbers for Denny’s Meat Lover’s Scramble. Denny’s could be charged with “salt with a deadly weapon” for serving a breakfast entree that packs an unbelievable 4,170mg of sodium! The Meat Lover’s Scramble will also shake you down with 1,280 calories, 71g of fat (21 saturated, 0 trans), 565mg cholesterol (the RDA is 300mg), 103g carbs and 54g protein (RDA is 50). By the way, the RDA for fat is 65 grams, so you are taking in more than a day’s fat, cholesterol and sodium in a single meal!

5. Hardee’s Country Breakfast Burrito The word burrito sounds like a term for a little burro. If you don’t want to make an ass_of yourself—by scarfing down 60 grams of fat with your first meal of the day—then steer clear of the Country Breakfast Burrito at Hardee’s. The king-sized breakfast burrito is cobbled together from two omelets, five hashrounds (their cutesy version of hashbrowns), cheddar cheese, and sausage gravy. The omelets that fill out the tortilla each contain two eggs, crumbled sausage, diced ham and bacon bits. Now, if you’re hungry for 920 calories, 23 grams of saturated fat, and nearly 2,000 milligrams of sodium for your morning meal, dig in!

6. KFC Chicken & Biscuit Bowl The clever cooks at KFC devised a way to toss together an entire chicken dinner in a single bowl. According to the KFC Website, the new bowls are “a blend of mouth-watering KFC flavors and textures all layered together.” Their nutrition guide says that the Chicken & Biscuit dish will bowl you over with 870 calories, 44g of fat (11 saturated, 4.5 trans), 60mg cholesterol, 2,420mg sodium (101% of your recommended daily amount), 88g carbs, and 29g protein.

7. Starbucks Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino Blended Crème When is a coffee drink not a coffee drink? When it comes with calories and frothy extras you’d expect to get with a milkshake! Oh, and when it doesn’t even include coffee! Case in point: The 24-ounce (that’s Venti-sized in Starbucks lingo) Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino Blended Crème served up at your local Starbucks. This drink is made from rich chocolate, chocolate chips and milk, and is blended with ice, and topped with whipped cream (optional), and chocolate drizzle. With 670 calories, 22g of total fat, (12g saturated fat; 0.5g of trans fat), and 107g of carbs, it only sounds like a coffee drink. The 12 grams of saturated fat is equal to the saturated fat you get in a McDonald’s Quarter-Pounder with Cheese… but the sandwich packs 160 fewer calories than the Frappuccino!

8. Pizza Hut P’Zone It takes two hands to handle a Pizza Hut P’Zone. The problem is—according to the nutrition info on their website—it should also take two people! Yes, despite the fact their TV ads showed a bunch of hungry guys chowing down on whole P’Zones, each super-sized dough pockets of meats, cheeses and sauce is considered TWO SERVINGS. The nutrition numbers… doubled for those of us who consider the P’Zones one-meal wonders: P'Zone Classic: 1,220 calories, 46g fat, 22g saturated fat, 2g trans fat, 130mg cholesterol, 2,700mg sodium, 144g carbs, 8g fiber, 60g protein. P'Zone Pepperoni: 1,260 calories, 48g fat, 22g saturated fat, 2g trans fat, 140mg cholesterol, 2,980mg sodium, 140g carbs, 6g fiber, 64g protein. P'Zone Meaty: 1,380 calories, 58g fat, 26g saturated fat, 2g trans fat, 160mg cholesterol, 3,460mg sodium, 144g carbs, 8g fiber, 70g protein.

9. Wendy’s Baconator The term “Baconator” sparks images of an action flick featuring a leading man with a terribly thick Austrian accent. But if you’re planning on ordering Wendy’s newest blockbuster, think again. I can picture it now: A seatbelt-straining drive-thru customer grabs his grease-stained bag of beef, bacon and fried potatoes, and before driving off to feast upon his Baconator, he shouts to the drive-up window jockey, “I’ll be bawk…for my defibrillator paddles!” Then, just before he zooms out of earshot, the server leans out of her window and yells back at him: “Hasta la vista, flabby!” OK, so it’s poor scriptwriting. But it’s also poor dining to indulge in this Wendy’s double cheeseburger on steroids. The Baconator boasts two beef patties, two slices of cheese and SIX slices of bacon! Do yourself a favor and terminate your urge to order this beast of a burger. The nutritional numbers for the 10-ounce Baconator: 830 calories, 51g of fat (22g saturated, 2.5g trans fat), 170mg of cholesterol, 1,920mg of sodium, 35g of carbs, and 57g of protein.

10. Denny’s Extreme Grand Slam Ads for Denny’s Grand Slam breakfasts used to feature the tagline, “$2.99…Are you out of your mind?!” Now that the restaurant chain has launched ads for its new Extreme Grand Slam—a breakfast platter piled high with three strips of bacon, three sausage links, two eggs, hash browns and three pancakes—they might want to change it to, “You’re ordering a Denny’s Extreme Grand Slam…Are you out of your freakin’ mind?!” The nutritional numbers for the 21-ounce Extreme Grand Slam: 1,160 calories, 64g of fat (17g of saturated fat), 560mg of cholesterol, 3,750mg of sodium, 102g of carbs, 4g of fiber, and 45g of protein.

Dissapointment

I'm relatively positive that I will not show a maintain or a loss tonight. I'm kinda sad about that. I've come close. But, at least (hopefully) I won't show a massive gain. (Honestly, I'm thinking maybe 2 pounds....which is better than the 8-9 pounds that it truely was after my binge week). Oh well...I need to go, suck it up, face the music and get my tail end into gear.

Yesterday at work the gals were tearing down the Christmas decorations. They called me out from my desk (I was at Drive through) because they needed a "skinny" person to climb up on a window ledge (not very high) to take down the garland and pull the staples. Uhhh they were asking me???? Who in the world do you think you are speaking to...i'm fat! But then I had to remember that I am a RECOVERING Fatty! I know I shouldn't say that about myself, but you know, it's the truth. I was fat. I was obese. Heck I was morbidly obese....it was bad. There is no way that I can put my previous weight that is in a good light!

Just recently I was either reading about somehting...or talking to someone and they mentioned that they just don't see themselves as thin. Will I ever feel thin? Or will I always have the 'fat girl' mentality. I still struggle with going into certain stores. I just feel crazy going into them....afterall, a fat girl doesn't need to shop (or can shop) at a lot of stores. It's not that I feel inferior....but I just feel crazy...like I'm trying to stuff a fat body into thin clothes...even though I now that they will and do fit me. It's crazy I know! I'm just wondering if I'll ever get over that feeling...or if those feelings of still being big will be with me forever...seared in my memory!

Another though....skin. I'm still concerned about the saggy skin!!!!! ARRRGGHHH

Well, today Todd and I planned on getting up at a decent hour to go over to the other place to continue to work on our remodelling project (more painting today). I actually set that alarm for 1 hour earlier than need be in order to exercise beforehand. Man, that is soooooo motivating eh? Well, I set up the step and turned on the step aerobic dvd. My back was really stiff...but I started anyway. I know from experience that my back will really loosen up while I exercise and in reality will feel better when I'm through with my exercise. SOOOOOO I trudged on. UNTIL I stepped back off the step and when I came down I twisted my ankle but good. I didn't fall...but I couldn't put weight on it for a few. I limped to the sofa and waited...usually the pain tapers off after a few minutes.. but it didn't seem to be hapening. I finally flipped off the dvd (there is nothing more annoying than hearing an exercise dvd play when you are not exercising). My foot hurt to beat the band...but after a few minutes I was up walking. I knew that it was tender and woudl be tender for a while so i stopped exercising...put everything away and used that time to be productive...I folded the 3 baskets of laundry that I had completed the previous night but just hadn't gotten around to folding. We did still make it over and painted for about 3-4 hours. Got a lot done. The kitchen cabinets are fully primed, the kitchen ceiling is DONE and the kitchen cabinets are halfway painted! Woo hoo! My foot is still a bit tender if I step on it wrong...or if I move it incorrectly (a weird way) but overall its doing pretty good.

What in the world has gotten into me?

I haven't eaten all that horribly today......if you compare it to how I USED to eat. But I just didn't eat as well as I am used to eating currently. Oh well.....tomorrows another day (actually this new minute is another chance!) What got me, you may be wondering. Well, it was the biscuits at the Cracker Barrel where my husband I ate with my parents. I had planned on eating on biscuit. However, we started talking about an emotional issue (for me at least) and I ate another biscuit and half of a cornbread muffin! It was total emotional eating. I'm a bit worried that I messed up my weigh in for Tuesday night. I'm hoping not!

Well, I guess I'm off to exercise!

Back into the swing of things

Yes, I'm getting back into the swing of things after the upheaval that the two back to back holidays cause. It's good upheaval....but it is somewhat comforting to be back to a normal state of affairs. One of the main things for me is that it's oh so much easier to eat healthy and maintain the level of exercise that I've set forth as my daily life when my life is more settled into a normal routine. Saying this...my weight is down to 181.0 this morning. I'm pretty happy with that. I'm hoping to pull off a 'maintain' at my Tuesday weight watchers meeting. If you remember, the weigh in after my binge, I chose to not weigh in. I knew that my weight was up about 8 pounds...but I thought it would motivate me to get that weight off before the next weigh in I'd be attending (3 weeks later). It's been a rough three weeks....Christmas and New years fell within those three weeks. BUT, it's looking like I may be able to pull it off! It will be a close call....and will require me to lose a tad bit more before the weigh in.

Meanwhile, things are starting to roll on our remodel project. We are waiting for the plumber to get there to fix the main water shut off valve. Then we can continue with tearing out the shower, toilet, sink and the broken dishwasher. We need to take up the flooring in the kitchen also and then we will be ready to put in the new stuff! All that physical labor should help the weight loss efforts!

You know...I don't think I ever put down my year 2008 goals....I've alluded to them but never listed them directly out!

1. Get to my 'weight watchers' goal weight. Roughly 164 pounds. That will put me in the healthy weight range for my height! (I'm aiming for March 1st, I'd have to lose about 2 pounds a week to make that date.....realistically I'm saying by my anniversary, April 6th wich is actually 1.23 pounds a week)

2. Maintain my weight watchers goal weight for 6 weeks to become a lifetime member (and thereby stop paying the monthly fee)

3. Continue losing to get to a good healthy weight for me. My number that I've pulled out of a hat to try to attain is 150...but in reality, that number will depend on my body! (My dream time to finish this would be by my anniversary...which would be about 2.2 pounds a week. However, my realistic goal is the beginnng of June which is about 1.27 pounds a week)

4. Complete our remodel project and move in. (I'm thinking at the earliest March, Todd is thinking February)

5. Eat at home more often, consitently trying new recipes instead of getting stuck in a rut making the same things.

6. Keep up with the business books instead of letting things pile up and then doing a massive thrust to catch up!

7. Save money!!!!!

So there you have it, my 2008 goals!

I'm still pondering what route I want to take with this desire/calling that I feel to help other people develop a healthier lifestyle. I just don't know what direction to go in. I've thought about doing the dietician route...but when I look at the courses required, it includes a lot of science...I HATE science! In previous school experiences, I absolutely detested any science class that had labs also! That leaves personal training...but I'm not sure that that is the route for me. They have these 'life coaches' but I don't know what is involved in that and how to do something like that....so I'm just not sure.